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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Nothing Left to Say

Today’s entry is courtesy of one of our wonderful, fabulous readers. I hope she doesn’t mind that I took her topic idea almost in it’s entirety! Check out what “Foots” had to say:

The things that made me love you are the things pushing me away now. – Nothing Left to Say (Mint Condition)

I believe that many desirable and undesirable qualities are flip sides of the same coin.  In their song, they speak of wonderful attentiveness becoming crazy possessiveness.  In my past, I dated a guy who I admired that he was such a good friend and concerned family member and that he kept in touch with his friends/family often.  But part of the reason we broke up was that we never had any time together because he was ALWAYS on the phone taking on other people’s problems.

Here are some others that I have read or seen before:

  • A friend of mine dated a woman and was impressed by her warmth and caring as a mother.  He broke it off because she spent all her time with her kids.
  • A dude dates a woman because she is so well put together and keeps her appearance up, but eventually he breaks it off because she spends too much time getting all dolled up.
  • A woman is impressed by how far up the corporate ladder her new man has gotten at his young age, but she finds out that it’s because he puts in so much time at the office and never has any time for her.
  • A person loves their new mate’s commitment to their faith, but gets frustrated and leaves because they won’t give up the lovin’.
  • Most men love soft, feminine women, but dislike the fact that she shows all of theses emotions.  But what else would they expect from a soft, feminine woman?
  • Some women prefer the strong, silent type…until they realize that the man never actually talks to them or expresses his feelings.
  • Some men love women who are organized with their life and finances, but they hate that I’m a “planner” type.  I’m trying to figure out how they think I could be so organized without my planner instinct.

So, now, not only do we have to deal with good and bad totally separate qualities that a mate may have (i.e. person may be responsible/dependable, but not terribly romantic), we also have to accept that qualities we love tend to always come with a flip side of the very thing that irritates us the most.

I can really relate to this, on both “sides of the coin”.  What drew me to a guy, was the very reason we ended up hitting the skids: confidence. Oh, confidence is cute in the beginning, but after a while it can be a bit too much.

What do you guys think? Have you experienced this in your relationships?

Is this an example of “careful what you wish for?” or are we a little clueless about relationships are about?

342 comments Add your comment

M'

May 18th, 2009
11:44 am

@Professor

Thank you…it is funny, I discovered that is what I have been most of my life…my early educational format from 2nd to 5th grades shaped that desire…and the life I have lived provided the substance of my “studies”…so it just seemed to be a natural outcome of completing my degree.

I have always been fascinated with human evolution through life experiences…from other cultures and POV’s…how we become who we are…what shaped, influenced, directed and determined the outcome of our identity…how nature vs. nuture impacts upon it and how volition also plays a part in the end results of our being.

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
11:47 am

Beautiful – It seems incongruous that can you admit to being not smart about men but know that the best age for them to get married starts at 35.

Just an observation, chica.

M'

May 18th, 2009
11:50 am

SexyCool

Nothing new in the field of expression…consistent with all other past expressions…but you be knowing…lol

@W8

Thank you…peace!!

Beautiful

May 18th, 2009
11:56 am

@SEXYCOOL

i learned the lil that i do know from a guy friend i used to chat with online when i lived in the A. we never met which was great because he had the opportunity to tell it to me straight. he broke it down for me quite a few times. he met me when i first started dating. he felt i was lost and he was right! i was so sheltered in my past relationship. i had no clue what i was in for.

are you playin’ ball this summer? i just signed up.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
11:58 am

(Raqi-you and I are talking about two different scenario’s)

W8…my home boy actually married a woman who put up a serious front…ish her mother tried to wrong his behind, that her daughter is just playing games —————>On their wedding day!!

He was a good dude too…not any more through…I call him “bitter Rell” (that’s his nick name Rell of blog).

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
12:00 pm

W8 Not a year you say?

Yea, i guess in a years time i’d let a guy know why i eat my Cheerios wearing a wife beater, ankle bracelet, bluetooth heastset, while cleaning my Craftsman 500vlt Electric Drill.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 18th, 2009
12:01 pm

W8…I see nothing wrong with a bit of enhancement from time to time. I only think it is a problem when ti is doen all the time. I knoew a girl who always wore weave. I guess because she had hair that was short and would not grow. I wear wig/weaves hair pieces from time to time especially when I perform. I wear the weaves to let my hair rest from heat styling from time to time so that I can maintain the long healthy hair that I do have. I wear acrylic overlay on my nails because my nails are very thin and break to easily. But the nails are mine. I wear push up bras in certain outfits because it calls for it….namely my costumes. So do not knock the woman who takes pride in herself. There are woman who wear stuff ot make their booty look bigger. Heck I try to do the opposite! LOL

By the way….I attended a shindig with your peoples…..Kappas this past Saturday!

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:02 pm

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 18th, 2009
12:03 pm

W8…..I see nothing wrong with a bit of enhancement from time to time. I only think it is a problem when ti is doen all the time. I knoew a girl who always wore weave. I guess because she had hair that was short and would not grow. I wear wig/weaves hair pieces from time to time especially when I perform. I wear the weaves to let my hair rest from heat styling from time to time so that I can maintain the long healthy hair that I do have. I wear acrylic overlay on my nails because my nails are very thin and break to easily. But the nails are mine. I wear push up bras in certain outfits because it calls for it….namely my costumes. So do not knock the woman who takes pride in herself. There are woman who wear stuff ot make their booty look bigger. Heck I try to do the opposite! LOL

By the way….I attended a shindig with your peoples…..Kappas this past Saturday!

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:04 pm

@Demi- Way to make an entrance this morning…lol..gotta heed a warnings especially if it comes from her mother

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
12:04 pm

Beautiful – I have been on the diamond since the beginning of March (with the exception of all the rain-outs). I play in a College Park league on Tuesdays and down at Piedmont on Wendesdays.

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:05 pm

(I wear wig/weaves hair pieces from time to time especially when I perform.)

Staceye…what type of performances are you speaking of…
And when can I view your performance?

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:08 pm

Back on the subject of frontstage/backstage…meant to say something earlier…it is so very true in many instances that this is what ppl do…they project the “frontstage” personality and behaviors while trying/vying to get the attention/affection of a desired object of attraction…and then once they believe this has been accomplished…BAM!!…the backstage persona comes out.

It seems that most ppl believe once they have the “emotional” attachment of the other, then all true colors are good to go b/c the attachment seals the deal…yeah, right…only for a fool IMHO…once the game is on the board and it ain’t what I play…then all bets are off…I do not care when it happens…I will protect my emotional best interest at all cost…and ain’t no amount of “love for another” gonna change that agenda…I can not love what I do not like.

NY2GA, Inc.

May 18th, 2009
12:09 pm

Kimmie- Thanks!

Kym…I hear your point. As background, I was not the person that initially reached out to start this relationship. I was chilling. As a matter of fact, I did not pay attention to him first off because my heart was already hardened. He was persistent. He put in some work, and softened me up until I decided to open up and give this relationship thing a chance. Now, I’m right back on one of those off streets on the Monopoly board when when I thought I’d invested in premium property:) In the words of Florida Evans “Da!n, Da!n, Da!n.”

My thing is that he knew what was on his plate and “the timing” before he pursued me. He got me and gradually shifted my azz to the bottom of the priority pile. Lesson learned.

I’m putting and 8 foot fence and chicken wire around my heart now folks. It’s a wrap.

(Curtain closes)

Scene.

Professor

May 18th, 2009
12:11 pm

@M I am envious! I enjoy reading up on the caste system culture and nature vs. nurture as well. I can spend hours in Barnes and Nobles reading up on those things along with Dave Ramsey (I like reading about money also).

@ Cee- Whew I remember the astronaut chic from the news and I could not believe it…a diaper.

@ Beautiful…I am glad you had a great weekend. I spent part of my weekend playing Cinderella (scrubbing floors and organizing my closets). Hopefully you will learn more about yourself and men with each relationship.

@ W8 thanks

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:11 pm

The motivation for using enhancements speaks more volumes than the enhancements themselves…as Staceye stated…when the enhancements “become” who a person is…then that is more of an ish to me…if a person has no identity without the added extras, then that person is co-dependent on a lie of existence…and when it come off…who is left????

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:11 pm

W8…I agree!! The signs were there, he just chose to ignore them…Heck, li’Demi didn’t like her spirit and wouldn’t let her even talk to him…and he was 2 years old at the time!!

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:12 pm

@Staceye – nothing wrong with the occasional…but when it’s stated as fact then I have a problem…kinda like the dude that owns a “land rover” but doesnt own any land..lmao..j/k (it’s a joke people**disclaimer before the bitter brigade jumps on me and my standards)

@Ce- lmao. that reminds me of back in 98 when my daughter was 5. When I let her know it was time for dinner she would go put on her Barney suit, a towel for a cape, one of her small blankets over her head and then put her bicycle helmet on top of that..I used to be like WTF and my wife(now my ex) would be like as long as she doesnt go outside to play like that..different strokes for different folks…lol..lmao

Beautiful

May 18th, 2009
12:13 pm

@SEXYCOOL

i was invited out to watch y’all play and i regret not going out of my way to make it out there. i’ve been playin’ since about 7 yrs old. i love it! all the sexy scars on my legs have stories to tell. lol.

@RAQI
are you gonna do that ultrasound where you can actually see the baby’s face? it’s kinda creepy, but fascinating all at the same time.

Don Pablo

May 18th, 2009
12:16 pm

The ladies here seem like some smart women. By a certain age we all know the “signs”.

Cee, you always have a happy and easygoing personality.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
12:17 pm

Hey ‘M. Stop flaunting your smar-ness :wink: . How are you?

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 18th, 2009
12:18 pm

DEMI…you know I sing, act and bellydance man! Don’t act brand new! :lol:

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:19 pm

@Professor

It seems to me that since all things in existence are the consequence of cause and effect…effect and cause…that the best way to get at a better understanding about ppl and our backstories is to deconstruct the macro and micro layers of human identity…how the major and minors influence and develop the evolution of human existence and identity…maybe somewhere in that reasoning and knowledge is a more effective way to replace hate with love, anger with peace…which are each in its category the same thing at different rates of vibration…a lot like hot and cold…both temperatures at different rates of energy.

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
12:21 pm

Staceye – I have an acquaintence that is opening a new spot right next to The Tavern on Camp Creek and he is looking for performing artists. If this something that you may be interested in, send me an email to cscfromajc@yahoo.com and I will get you the information.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:22 pm

@Don Pablo–they ladies here are “aight”…lol

Professor

May 18th, 2009
12:22 pm

@M- You are on point with the front/back stage and the emotional attachment. I was sharing this with some friends a few months ago. On the flip side I have seen this same behavior with new employees as well…they say good stuff on the interview and after the 90-day probationary period they call out, come in late and leave early…

I used to date a guy that house was spotless when I came over. After about nine months or so he slipped and said that he cleaned up for me. I did not think much of it until a few months later he asked me to stop by when I finished doing some errands and his place was a mess (I guess I arrived faster than he expected). He told me he was trying to clean up before I got there. This is simple he was trying to hide the fact that he did not keep a clean place. After I “caught” him needless to say the house was never clean after that.

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:22 pm

@ Cee

Me be ok…jes tryin’ ta keeps up wid da Professor…lol…gotta hab sum kinda livin’ gwine on and sech…hey-ale…maybe all dat break dem voices of insanity in me head…lol

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 18th, 2009
12:23 pm

SEXYCOOL….I also have a friend that is opening a place there. What is the name of it? He asked me to perform. I wonder if it is the same place.

Professor

May 18th, 2009
12:23 pm

@ M I just read your 12:19 that is deep…definitely food for thought!

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:23 pm

Don Pablo…as in columbian Drug Lord Pablo?

Sup bruh!!! When they let you out?

(Demi is now being dropping into the sea…tied down..with feet clemented…thinking to self: Mayne this sucks!)

SexyCool

May 18th, 2009
12:24 pm

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
12:25 pm

“as long as she doesnt go outside to play like that”..

W8 The Barney suit, “towel-cape”, and that bicycle helment was the 1998 Barney unior Wedding Fashion line. How come you the last to know that babygirl was about to marry? Pay attention! :lol:

Melo

May 18th, 2009
12:27 pm

Cee, you always have a happy and easygoing personality

Oh, u see that sunny side too Pablo??Too bad for u and all other marauding bros,this one is getting hers!
Bounce……

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:28 pm

@Professor

Those behaviors shifts are an immediate turn off for me…I am just a what you see is what you get kinda gal…no pretense, no show…I have my on days…and I have my off ones too…I appropriate the “ideal of me” for whatever it is I need to do or be into at that moment…but it is still all me…not a sham…I like what is real…that is a truth that I can bank on…and if that does not work for someone else…then cool…dey can carry dey arse…lol.

By the same token, if I feel that someone is scrutinizing me according to a preference of personal standards that do not allow me to exist independently of that perception of me…then dey can carry it again…lol

Tmac

May 18th, 2009
12:29 pm

Why do I feel like there are so many women up in here who trying to pretend like who they wish they are——-

As a str8 fwd man you are who can smell such behaviour, do you feel the way I do Mr. Melo ??? :)

Sassy Me....Mmm, mmm, good :-)

May 18th, 2009
12:30 pm

I’m putting and 8 foot fence and chicken wire around my heart now folks. It’s a wrap.

NY2GA I feel the same way right about now. I think I’m going into a relationship hiatus….I’m am just not feelin it right about now and am not sure if it’ll end anytime soon. I usually get this way in the winter but the last two weeks just took something out of me yet it opened my eyes to a whole lot as well….did I lose you?….sorry. I’ve never,ever back tracked with any ex that I have BUT I was contacted recently by one that I hadn’t spoken with in 17yrs. and it was cool b/c we only broke up b/c I moved away. Anywho, things were all good until he came out of left feild with a whole lot of “you really hurt me when you left” ” because of you” type statements and I’v apologized to him for it but enough is enough. So I told him that we should just stay in each others pasts and left it at that. It’s like he still wants me to pay somehow but what for.

The funny thing is that in some of our “catching up” conversations he said things that relate to today’s blog topic and me being me, they’re definite deal breakers like: he just moved back home with his mom and doesn’t like to clean up behind himself and some other ish I won’t say. When I heard that I was thinking to myself “All we’ll ever be is friends” and “I’m glad I know this stuff now instead of later”.

I met some pretty impressive azzholes this weekend that has me thinking “I’m gonna be single foreva”.

Cemeeli

May 18th, 2009
12:31 pm

repost

That’s “Junior Wedding Fashion Line”, W8

Thank you Don Pablo!

I’m sure i can get a laugh out of myself from time to time. Life is too short, and the opputunities you miss out on laughing and living you can never regain.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:31 pm

@Demi- nice knowing ya..lol
@Cee- I just didn’t get it at the time..lol

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:32 pm

Staceye…Don’t be stepping to me with this girly girl action…i want that goth look…black mini…with the whip action from you woman!!

(now go ahead and change, while I go and grab W8’s sweet’n’spicy bbQ sauce…I know he have some left over)

Don Pablo

May 18th, 2009
12:34 pm

Demi ’sup.

Nahw man I’m just a regular fella. No drug king here.

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:36 pm

@Tmac-”Why do I feel like there are so many women up in here who trying to pretend like who they wish they are——-”

Those that are, easily expose themselves as the day goes on,but there are quite a few real one’s here also…but I do agree with you

M'

May 18th, 2009
12:36 pm

@Sassy

Dere go dat substance in a tube and the impermeable vs the permeable cataylst dropped into the mix…lol…some times you feel like a nut…some times you don’t.

Leggs

May 18th, 2009
12:36 pm

@SassyOne, I definitely can identify w/your last sentence.

@Cee, it’s a basic need of mine. You must laugh a lot, act silly, enjoy life and not turn into a walking/talking robot. Time here is going by faster than we think it is.

@W8, there was a Blues Baby cartoon I kept on my fridge when my daughter was about your daughter’s age. She had a getup on that screamed has baby girl lost her mind. The mother in the cartoon decided right then and there that you have to pick your battles. Let her dress the way she want while playing in the house or even her own backyard. Now, going to school in the outfit was another story.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 18th, 2009
12:37 pm

SEXYCOOL…yep…that’s it! Small World isn’t it?

Sassy Me....Mmm, mmm, good :-)

May 18th, 2009
12:38 pm

Ooompa loompa is tryin’ to get it started with that dumb ish again today, I see…..

Demi

May 18th, 2009
12:41 pm

W8…LOL…how you gon up’n'out watch me get drop into the sea…so much for the folks at home land, HA HA Haaaa!!!

…Funny story, kids help keep us young.

Sassy Me....Mmm, mmm, good :-)

May 18th, 2009
12:41 pm

M I know it’s just that sometimes it gets to me. I’m strong but sometimes it leaves me a bit winded.

Leggs I know they’re not all like that but I must’ve had my “I only want to meet azzholes” sign on and didn’t know it. Go figure…….

LIONESS- Busy Bumblebee today

May 18th, 2009
12:42 pm

Good Afternoon All :)

Been there and didn’t find out until it was too late (feelings were already involved) so I had to deal with it until it finally ran its course.. Having a man that is ALL about his family is a rough situation because it is a double edge sword.. Either way, you will always be the one in the wrong..

-W8©

May 18th, 2009
12:44 pm

@Sassy-lol
@Demi- Don made a plea deal..sorry bro

ed

May 18th, 2009
12:45 pm

Isn’t that why women are biologically disposed to having both a husband and a lover (two different people)?