Today we have a doctor in the house! Dr. Alduan Tartt, is a psychologist, author, and motivational speaker who has a book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT. Today, he shares a very interesting scenario that I think a lot of men in Atlanta have probably been in:
You are enjoying a wonderful first date at- SURPRISE- a nice restaurant in the upscale part of town. He opens the door for you and things are going even better than planned and then it happens…
That cute, little waitress who seated the two of you- who already was a little too friendly for your liking in the first place- walks over and makes direct eye contact with your date and tops off his wine while barely even acknowledging you. Mr. Take-Charge-Persona smiles and returns the direct eye contact with Ms. Friendly. It looks like you aren’t the only one who’s in the market for a man with marriage material.
What do you do?
1. Give the waitress a piece of your mind
2. Instruct your date to focus his attention on you and only you
3. Ignore it and move on with the date
4. Give the waitress a compliment and ask for the manager
If you answered A… WRONG.
If you answered B… WRONG.
If you answered C… WRONG.
If you answered D… CONGRATULATIONS and CALL ME!
A. While putting the waitress in her place, refocusing your date, or outright ignoring Ms. Rude might make you feel better; it certainly will ruin any chance you have with Mr. Right. Why? Any attention you focus on the waitress affirms her as a threat in your date’s mind. If you have to check her then she must be worth pursuing or at least flirting with.
B. If you have to instruct or request that your date refocus his attention on you, the “She’s Controlling Alarm” may be set off. Also, you appear desperate. Even worse, now that you have now officially verified the waitress as someone powerful enough to distract his attention away from you, he will undoubtedly want her more.
C. To ignore the waitress sends a message that you are oblivious that she is openly flirting with your date OR you are accepting of it. Although it makes no sense to women, the cuter the waitress is the more your typical man will try to rationalize why it’s not “so bad” to get her number. After all, YOU didn’t say anything.
D. Congratulations. MR. RIGHT is going home with YOU. I’m impressed because you must have been read my book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT, because you just pulled a serious POWER MOVE even a psychologist would be impressed with. Oh, I’m sorry…you’re probably asking, “What did I do?”
By publically acknowledging her beauty you demonstrated that while her beauty was obvious, it was certainly no threat to you. Your date will be impressed that you don’t have any insecurities despite a blatant violation by the waitress. By asking for the manager, you scare the crap out of the waitress because she knows she was wrong. She’s afraid of a complaint but, instead, you praise her for her excellent customer service. In turn, she is so relieved that she tries to cover her tracks by filling your wine and being super nice to you. In fact, when she returns to check on your table she doesn’t even look at your date again. My, my how the tables have turned!
Chances are that your date has never met a woman so confident and skillful. He now begins to look at you as the potential “ONE” and is mesmerized by your beauty, confidence, power, and security.
Moral of the story, when it comes to dating towards marriage…
NO INSECURITY ALLOWED.
Very interesting story, Dr. Tartt told and it highlights something single men deal with some times. Dating a woman with a boatload of insecurities is probably exhausting as running the AJC Peachtree Road Race! Men, how do you handle it when you meet a great woman but you see her insecurities surface?
Ladies, what did you think of the scenario Dr. Tartt shared with us? Which one did you answer? Do you agree with his advice on how to handle the situation? Do you have difficulties keeping your insecurities in check when you are dating? Have you ever dated a man that had insecurities that posed a problem?