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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Question

Today’s guest blogger is a buddy of mine, “The Fly Guy“. When he isn’t jet setting to Los Angeles or New York interviewing celebrities, the man actually finds the time to date! Check out what happened on one of his recent dating misadventures:

I couldn’t have planned our first date any better. The ambiance was nice, the food was outstanding, and our conversation seemed to strike a perfect flirty/innocent balance. In other words, we were really enjoying each other’s company … that is until she asked me “the question.”

“So Mr. Fly Guy, why are you single?”

As the words left her lips, my body began to cringe—almost in the same way that one would cringe if they heard fingernails scrapping across a chalkboard, or Paula Abdul singing the acappella version of “Opposites Attract.”

Now some may wonder why I would be so up in arms about such an innocent question. After all, she was probably just asking as a way to express interest, right? Maybe.

At face value, I have no problem with her inquiry. But it’s the underlying question that needs to be addressed. What she really wanted to ask was, “So what’s wrong with you? There aren’t many good men out here, so you must be crazy, married, or a combination of both.” And I guess she had every right to ask whatever she wanted, but let’s be serious for a moment. What did she really expect me to say?

“I’m single because I was locked up for two years after beating up my girlfriend for giving me four incurable STDs and bad credit.”

I wonder if that was the answer she was searching for?

In all honesty, I just haven’t met the woman who has moved my heart to the point of wanting to give my all long term. Short of that, I’m not interested in wasting anyone’s time with discussions of settling down if my heart isn’t genuinely there. I’m not an escaped felon, nor am I a guy who secretly runs the Color Me Badd Fan Club (that might actually be less forgivable than a criminal record.) I’m just a guy who’s comfortable in my own skin, and who’s perfectly fine with being single until the right woman comes along.

So to the women of my future; the next time we’re out on a date, and you feel the burning desire to ask me “so why are you single,” just know that there are far better ways to get to know more about me than trying to uncover what brought me to this moment in time with you. Just know that I’m here, and I’m focused on us enjoying our time together. Why can’t you do the same?

I think we’ve all been there before, Fly Guy!  It’s interesting how a single man who seems to have it together is questioned on why he isn’t in a relationship. Ladies, do you ask this question when you meet men?

I get asked this annoying question by co-workers. What is it that they want to hear, exactly? Has anyone ever asked you “the question” on a date? How do you handle the question about your single status?

Have you ever been hanging out somewhere or on a date and was asked really outrageous or random questions? What did you do?

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

368 comments Add your comment

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:59 pm

Cougar

have you recover from seeing your Hawks get demolished?

I am actually a Spurs fan, first and foremost. I am more upset with Manu than the Hawks.

However, I do root for the hometeam as well.

I recovered just fine. I was irritated with some of their decisions.

If they weren’t a helter skelter team in the first place, I’d say that they were demolished. Cleveland didn’t do anything that the ‘08 Celtic or ‘09 Heat didn’t do. The Hawks either win big or they lose big. There is no in between.

As I said before, they progressed.

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
12:59 pm

$6.47 for a cup of vegetable soup & a fried chicken breast! It will be a very long time before I eat in that cafeteria again!

I recall a date I went on several years ago. A good friend introduced me to this Air Force guy. Like the date Fly Guy described, all was going very well – we were having a nice dinner, listening to great jazz and good conversation. I don’t know how we got on the subject because I did not bring it up or ask, but Mr. Air Force said that he never wanted to get married. I said, “Oh really”, and he was emphatic about it. I did not ask why, just went on talking about something else, but it stuck in my mind. I kept things light-hearted. I would talk to him from time to time and go out occasionally but kept things as best I could at arms length. It frustrated him and finally he asked why I seemed to be holding back. I reminded him of what he said about marriage. I told him I respected his decision, but marriage was something I definitely wanted and I was not trying to change his mind so best to keep it light. He tried to twist it around and said some crazy stuff about not talking to a woman about marriage until he was ready to buy a ring! I told him how could he and any woman ever even get to that point if you close the gate upfront! I told him I never try to change a person and take them for their word. He pleaded with me that he was serious and I reluctantly agreed to date him on a more serious level. But things were never right and his behavior would reveal at times that he really felt as he said on that first date. From that moment on that first date on, a cloud seemed to be over us over the course of that year. Why didn’t I stick to my original course of action with him? Why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut and get to know me and decide if he wanted to proceed further?

The world will never know!LOL!!

LIONESS- Wondering..

May 13th, 2009
1:04 pm

Kimmie- We must work in the same building..

Wise Diva

May 13th, 2009
1:05 pm

abc, well yea, I can endorse him and his writing because I thought his site/writing was relevant and entertaining, dating from the male perspective. I considered it along the same lines of what I write here, but from the male perspective. He has guest blogged for us before. I get the point you were making, though.

Melo

May 13th, 2009
1:05 pm

A good friend introduced me to this Air Force guy

U must work for Invesco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
1:05 pm

abc

I’ve never had any problems with Carnival. I just choose wisely. Don’t go during Spring Break or Senior Trip time. I think that they now have a rule that anyone under 21 has to be accompanied by an adult.

Royal Carribbean was cool, too.

I had a friend that booked with one of the niche lines and the line went under and there was a major fight getting that money back. Dateline NBC was even called in, but I don’t think that they ever did the story.

Sybil

May 13th, 2009
1:08 pm

Along this same note, I cannot STAND this…..

Dude: So, tell me about yourself.

Me: What do you want to know?

Dude: What do you want to tell me?

LAME AS ALL GET OUT.

These days, if I get that, it goes like this:

Dude: So tell me about yourself.

Me: (Crickets accompanied by gas fas, then a laugh) Get outta here with that. Is that your best conversation starter?

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
1:09 pm

Yeah abc Silversea and Regent are both more prissy than the others.

Poppa no Carnival. This is going to be our after-birth trip so we want to go with something that is more of the adult scene. I was told Carnival is the fun ship. I think Tazzee confirmed that for me last time.

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
1:11 pm

Lioness – We probably do.

Melo – Not Invesco. I work for a major telecommunications company though. A classmate of mine works for Invesco though, wonder if she still works for them?

LIONESS- Wondering While Chewing Gum

May 13th, 2009
1:12 pm

Sybil- I TOTALLY feel you! I would respond the same way if I was asked “Why are you single?’” Stupid irrelevant question..

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
1:13 pm

Raqi

No problem. Royal Carribean had ice rinks, and things on it. It was cool, too. I have a really good friend that is Chef on RCCL and his brother is a musician on one of Carnival (performs in one of their so-called Vegas Style shows).

Word on the street is that they are considering a consolidation into one big cruise line. They are really suffering because people who don’t have houses or jobs don’t go on vacations.

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
1:14 pm

WiseDiva I think it not only be fun but will participant see just how difficult it can be to write an entire entry that generate responding comments.

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
1:15 pm

Melo It’s not that I don’t want to know about them… its just that I don’t learn that way, I have to see and experience it, hearing it does nothing for me, and also people will say anything… I want you to show me. I do want to know about them, but I do not expect to learn all about them while eating this creme brulee or drinking this cognac. It takes time… over time you will learn all these things.

Raqi I care more about what a woman thinks about the world, future expectations, experiences than I do about what she likes/dislikes ( at least for the first few dates) Ultimately the superficial questions don’t matter, if you like vanilla, and the color red, and hate shrimp are not going to be deal breakers… but if you can’t hold an intelligent conversation, or you feel like racism is dead, or you don’t understand how to manage money, those will be deal breakers. And the dealbreakers are not necessarily things that I would ask you directly, but conversation about general world issues/ current events will bring that out. I don’t want to talk about myself, nor her you talk about yourself while on a date… If we get to the point where we can just chill and spend time together which is not a technically a “date” then I think we have earned the right to ask whatever.

Actually I like that… you should have to earn the right to ask superficial questions…

But this is all just my approach… I am not knocking anybody else but that’s how I B.

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
1:16 pm

My experience on Carnival has been with more elderly folks and that Bingo stuff.

But then again, I have never taken a trip shorter than 8 days. Retired folks have time to travel like that.

For Real

May 13th, 2009
1:24 pm

On topic: Every person that’s dating has a question they are tired of hearing and for every question you are tired of hearing you have asked a tiring question. So I say slap the ish out of someone on the first date and see what response you get. If they ask whyyyyyyyy tell them you were trying something new. I mean really is Why are you single? any different than why you where weave?, why can’t you tuck your shirt in? why are you wearing one contact?, why didn’t you brush your tongue? why are wearing a size 6 shoe when you are a 12? why haven’t you done anything about the gap in your teeth? why does it take me 8 dates to get some but everybody else does it in 3? why are your hands ashy? why are you lips white? why not just buss that bump? why in the hell would kiss someone with luther lips? why would a 40 year old man wear a jersey on a first date? why do i get the feeling this is not the first time you left your wallet? why you order so much food, you trying to feed your kids on the sly? why are you out with me when you know you don’t like me? why is your throat so big? why not just go bald? why can’t you see that everyone doesn’t have pretty feet? why is this clown sitting at my table? why are you still wearing those shoes and your feet is bleeding?

abc said JIVE!!! – Oh and you don’t deserve a thing. You only get what you earn.

Sybil

May 13th, 2009
1:24 pm

BTW – I’m back to ONE L today. lol.

DasVenus

May 13th, 2009
1:26 pm

hello, LEGGS?? how are you and baby-gurl doing?? chrisettes latest had to grow on me i will admit…. im really just hanging out waiting on laura izibor’s new album scheduled for release in june. i love everything ive heard from her!

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 13th, 2009
1:29 pm

For Real – why is your neck so big?!?!? HILARIOUS!!! OMG my stomach is hurting at that one!!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
1:29 pm

PoppaG – I had to learn about the senior trip time on the cruises. Unfortunately my birthday falls around senior trip time, so no more birthday cruises for me.

Raqi – yeah, Carnival is the fun ship – they have a better karaoke selection ;-)

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
1:32 pm

For Real – You are crazy!LOL!! I am about to choke over here!

I thought about you this morning. They played Prince’s Sign of the Times jam this morning. I love that song, the lyrics and the instrumentals. I was thinking it might be cool for Prince to do a remake of that song. You know how he references AIDS & the Challenger explosion, etc.? He could remake it referencing more recent historical events.

SexyCool

May 13th, 2009
1:32 pm

I just wanna say that I think it’s awfully interesting that the IT Nazis here at work have managed to block d@mn near every one of my goof off sites except ESPN.com.

Melo

May 13th, 2009
1:33 pm

its just that I don’t learn that way, I have to see and experience it

translation:if every nice chick u were attracted to accpeted ur date,u wld go on dates with them,even if they had 5 kids and/but u dnt date baby mamas but u dont know that they do,do u????(coz u didnt ask qstions) HA :)

Melo

May 13th, 2009
1:37 pm

EPO, if she got 5 kids,u dont even ask that qstion ‘why are u still single” Its Not appropriate.

U ask ” why are u so much in production” :grin:

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
1:38 pm

Melo – If she had 5 kids, I don’t see how she could hide that for long!LOL!!

Leggs

May 13th, 2009
1:40 pm

She’s doing great…first summer track meet officially starts this Saturday and Sunday. Another dreadful “the” question is “how come you don’t have a car?” Answers can range from DUI, don’t know how to drive (lol), sharing w/baby mama, it’s her week, or too many points on my license and it’s been suspended, etc. I jest, I swear, I jest! Kinda sorta!

abc

May 13th, 2009
1:41 pm

Carnival is the Party ’til you Puke Ship, not my scene. Carnival owns Princess, Holland America, Costa Cruises, Cunard Line and The Yachts of Seabourn; of those, I only avoid Carnival itself. Holland America is nice, very older crowd, average passenger age somewhere around 55-60, I would guess — that’s just a guess. Celebrity looks okay, never been on one, though. Princess is great, so is RCCL, for Carribean cruises. I recommend porting out of San Juan for Eastern and Southern Carribean itineraries. The flight isn’t that long, and costs not much more than flights to Miami. Discounted balcony rooms and small suites go for under $1500 each for a 7 day cruise. Book far enough in advance, it could be under $1000 each, plus excursions, air fare, tips, whatever you’ll spend… it’s a nice 7 day vacation for 2 for under $5K.

Norwegian Cruise Lines deserves to be boycotted because they lie about classic liners they own, saying they’ll allow them to be converted into hotel/casinos like the old Queen Mary at Long Beach, then selling them to scrap merchants in India. The SS France was broken apart for scrap; the SS United States will eventually meet the same fate. Boycott NCL and any line owned by Star/Orient cruise lines.

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
1:53 pm

THis chick just told me that she will ” be single until she’s married” I asked her what man would marry a woman who says that? I mean how do you get to popping the question knowing your girl is doing what she do until you walk down the aisle… that’s a load of crap.. sadly she is about the 3rd woman I have heard say this, and I was told that TD Jakes was the first to spout off about this phenomena… (single til married) either he has lost his bald headed mind, or they misunderstood what his intent was, and they just heard the part that sounded good to them… anybody know the deal on how this term started???

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 13th, 2009
1:55 pm

Afternoon folks.

On topic: Sorry buy i just dont see a problem with the question. Am I missing something here?

ABC, man you are bringing it today. Funny ish. Who writes your material?

I’m with you on the you get what you deserve. Folks doing everything single and wondering why they cant get married. Act as if.

Das baby, whats up sugar plumb. Those ninja’s are off limits. I dont need that kind of heat. I hear now that some are men cross dressing. This place is a riot.

Kuwait chronicals: An american employee of ITT got caught with alcohol and they want to hang him.

Another ITT employee beat up a Kuwaiti and he has to either pay $50,000 or go to jail. No, he cant just fly out, his passport is flagged.

Staceye, you are a riot LMAO

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
1:56 pm

EPO – I don’t know for sure, but maybe it means they won’t do the do until married. I am not familiar with a lot of TD Jakes work, but telling them to do what they want until married does not sound like him.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
1:57 pm

hanging for alcohol?!?!? That’s messed up.

$50k for fighting and winning?!?!?! WOW!!!

The Truth how are you sweetie?

Melo

May 13th, 2009
2:00 pm

Kimmie,proly not but i wld rather not give her a chance on one date.

These shld be the ones EPO screens out automatically and dumps,if he only asked simple qstions.

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
2:04 pm

Thanks for the info W8 I will look up the site later. Are talking about cruises now? Was suppose to go this Turkey Day but looks like I will be heading to the Smokies of either Turkey Day or Chirstmas. Anyone know of any good cabins in the Smokies? I wonder if our travel agent can find me something or…I know of a discount site for public servants. Wonder if they have something in mountains?

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 13th, 2009
2:07 pm

TRUTH…you had better hold your tongue and don’t even think of alcohol while you are there man.

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
2:07 pm

Well damn Truth. Hanging for the alcohol how did he get it if it is a dry country. I mean I am sure you can find it but still..why go through the trouble of death for a buzz. No comment on the cross-dressing. Oh by the by I am getting my Kindle the first week of June.
***NEW GADGET!!!**

Paul McCartney

May 13th, 2009
2:08 pm

only my love does it good to me (to meeee)
Oooowooo my love (woooo)
oooowoooo my love
only my love does it good to me (to meeee)
oooooowooo my love (wooooo)
ooooowoo my love, only my love does it good (break) tooooo me
wooah wooah wooah wooah oooah ooooah
Paul McCartney

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
2:09 pm

Tazzee, abc & Poppa Doc says it was Premier Cruise Line that left them stranded.

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
2:10 pm

Kym

Was suppose to go this Turkey Day but looks like I will be heading to the Smokies of either Turkey Day or Chirstmas. Anyone know of any good cabins in the Smokies?

Call someone and get a safe spot for sure. There has been an abnormal amount of black bear attacks in the Appalachian Trail so far this year. There was a story about it on the news last night. They have even closed parts of it (The Appalachian Trail) here to overnight camping in GA. They will only let you

There seems to be a higher population of black bears right now than normal (they have even been spotted as far south as Cumberland Mall and I 285)and they are attracted to the food in the tents and cabins. Not as many hibernated this winter either.

Do you camping but be safe.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 13th, 2009
2:14 pm

Hey Tazzy, I’m cool. Just getting settled in here. Its all cool but crime doesnt pay here, in alot of different ways.

I see you stay on the entertainment/sports/music thing. Thats cool. I like that. Its nice to be able to get some culture. Secret between you and I. I’ve always wanted to catch an opera. I’m going to do it when I get back. May even pick up a tux for the occasion. Glad nobody could read that because that kind of info could damage my tough guy image.

Btw, yesterday i picked up a Deoin Sanders throwback jersey, Emmitt Smith and the New York Yankees. This place is stocked with that kind of stuff. LOL

ABC, find some more stats to post. That ish has me hollering.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
2:16 pm

Truth – Ooh! Can you get me a Deion throwback? That is, if it doesn’t cost too much. I want to catch an opera too – haven’t been to one since I’ve been grown, went as a kid. Let me know when you want to go, I like getting dressed up.

Beautiful

May 13th, 2009
2:16 pm

a date lying to you is just an indication that he doesn’t care for you, he has other plans, and he doesn’t care to take the relationship far. jmo.

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
2:20 pm

Truth – Um huh, there you go. When I wanted to take in some culture, you told me you were too hard & street to do stuff like that and that it would make you look SOFT! Now you taking other women to the opera & even renting a 007 tux for the evening! Dang you dog me!

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
2:21 pm

We are camping at High Falls in June. The winter will be cabin camping. And we are always cautious we camp in a group. Bobcats, Raccoons, Bears. We are visitors to their home and since we visit them we have to give the right of way.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 13th, 2009
2:22 pm

Kym, honest I saw a cat in line to get on post today with the new one. I had never saw it before. He said he cant download out of america so he hooks it up to his computer and transfer them. Says books cost about 1-10 bucks. Congrats on the pick up. I was going to get you one but since you already found one I’ll let you do your thang.

Staceye, the fellas that came in my group are getting their passports back as we speak so I’ll have mine prolly this week. If so by the end of the month I’m hitting Dubai and I’m going to drink coke and crown til i urinate on myself, then I’ll ask for doubles.

On marriage, if you want to be married why dont you start acting like a wife/husband should act? Feel free to discuss amongst yourself.

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
2:22 pm

Raqi

I never used them. I don’t much about them.

abc

I heard bad things about Norwegian, too. I never used them either.

But, I just thought it was my friends just bad mouthing the competition.

My favorite cruise probably was a Mediterranean cruise. The Alaskan one was nice, too. (I guess that I have had one less than 8 b/c it was the shortest one).

Tazzee

I learn the hard way, myself.

Football season ends in February (December for Cincy). So, the first part of the year was when I took most cruises. March/April is Spring Break time (I didn’t have money for any of that when I was in college…San Padre Island for Spring Break must be nice.)

We picked August for this trip because school should be in for most colleges. Hopefully, no hurricanes. August is a big time for hurricanes.

I just didn’t want to go anywhere near Mexico this time. They can keep that R2D2 flu. I don’t need it.

Tmac

May 13th, 2009
2:24 pm

Staceye AKA Black Mamba—–Just out of cureousity….if your reason for being single is not because cant find somebody for many sorta of reasons that many of us here are singles and as you said you just WANT TO BE SINGLE and no itnerest in being relationship and perefectley FINE with being single, WHY ARE YOU HERE IN A VERY TOPIC OF LIFE THAT YOU DESPISE, NOT INTERESTED, AND NO PLANS IN BEING…..

I mean when I do go to ESPN.com I tend to go to either NBA and/or FOOTBALL tab and never seen what the HOOKEY (not sure if i even spell it right) page looks like…..get the drift….

Somethimes the society has a point and no matter how outlaw you want to be and try defying what society has to say, its what it is.

LIONESS- Wondering While Chewing Gum

May 13th, 2009
2:27 pm

Tmac- Going hard huh? Interesting..

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
2:27 pm

Kym

And we are always cautious we camp in a group. Bobcats, Raccoons, Bears.

Bobcats! I had a bad experience with one of those things as kid playing in the woods as a child.

I can vouch that those things don’t play. That adrenaline induced run started my athletic career.

LIONESS- Wondering While Chewing Gum

May 13th, 2009
2:28 pm

PG- LMAO @ -> That adrenaline induced run started my athletic career.

Tmac

May 13th, 2009
2:30 pm

Like Melo says,

if you are woman, 35+, no baby, not divorced, not a widow, full functioning health,
1. you dying for a companionship
2. you are in denial in public and do it forcfully
3. the older you get, the worest it gets you being defensive

Staceye, sorry, no matter how defensive you become, you cant change facts of life…AGAIN, ITS WHAT IT IS.

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
2:30 pm

@Truth

WAIT WAIT WAIT NOW HOLD ON!! Lets not be hasty. Now if you were going to get me one by all means don’t let me stop your generous nature. I mean 359.00 saved is well 359.00 saved. I would also like the little leather cover too.