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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Question

Today’s guest blogger is a buddy of mine, “The Fly Guy“. When he isn’t jet setting to Los Angeles or New York interviewing celebrities, the man actually finds the time to date! Check out what happened on one of his recent dating misadventures:

I couldn’t have planned our first date any better. The ambiance was nice, the food was outstanding, and our conversation seemed to strike a perfect flirty/innocent balance. In other words, we were really enjoying each other’s company … that is until she asked me “the question.”

“So Mr. Fly Guy, why are you single?”

As the words left her lips, my body began to cringe—almost in the same way that one would cringe if they heard fingernails scrapping across a chalkboard, or Paula Abdul singing the acappella version of “Opposites Attract.”

Now some may wonder why I would be so up in arms about such an innocent question. After all, she was probably just asking as a way to express interest, right? Maybe.

At face value, I have no problem with her inquiry. But it’s the underlying question that needs to be addressed. What she really wanted to ask was, “So what’s wrong with you? There aren’t many good men out here, so you must be crazy, married, or a combination of both.” And I guess she had every right to ask whatever she wanted, but let’s be serious for a moment. What did she really expect me to say?

“I’m single because I was locked up for two years after beating up my girlfriend for giving me four incurable STDs and bad credit.”

I wonder if that was the answer she was searching for?

In all honesty, I just haven’t met the woman who has moved my heart to the point of wanting to give my all long term. Short of that, I’m not interested in wasting anyone’s time with discussions of settling down if my heart isn’t genuinely there. I’m not an escaped felon, nor am I a guy who secretly runs the Color Me Badd Fan Club (that might actually be less forgivable than a criminal record.) I’m just a guy who’s comfortable in my own skin, and who’s perfectly fine with being single until the right woman comes along.

So to the women of my future; the next time we’re out on a date, and you feel the burning desire to ask me “so why are you single,” just know that there are far better ways to get to know more about me than trying to uncover what brought me to this moment in time with you. Just know that I’m here, and I’m focused on us enjoying our time together. Why can’t you do the same?

I think we’ve all been there before, Fly Guy!  It’s interesting how a single man who seems to have it together is questioned on why he isn’t in a relationship. Ladies, do you ask this question when you meet men?

I get asked this annoying question by co-workers. What is it that they want to hear, exactly? Has anyone ever asked you “the question” on a date? How do you handle the question about your single status?

Have you ever been hanging out somewhere or on a date and was asked really outrageous or random questions? What did you do?

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

368 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

May 13th, 2009
11:56 am

@Melo – dude, I’ma need you to stop bragging about being a good liar. lol

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 13th, 2009
11:57 am

PoppaG – I loved that Yuckmouth PSA too!! some of those, along with School House Rock really stuck with me. I had to sing the Conjunction song in 9th grade for a test!

LIONESS- Desperation is a BIYATCH!

May 13th, 2009
11:58 am

If a person is a questioner, then the person being questioned is going to tell them what they assume the questioner wants to hear..

-W8 (the not so new guy)

May 13th, 2009
11:59 am

@Professor-Yeah trial and error has gotten me to the point I am at now. I’m still tripping because I am thinking of women’s intentions when I have been asked that in the past.

Melo

May 13th, 2009
12:01 pm

SexxyCl :lol: yeah, u know, im just talking about lying to my boss about my kid being sick when infact, i was at the interview for another job :lol:

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
12:02 pm

Tazzee I can remember if I asked you this once before but have you sailed with Silversea before?

Eileen

May 13th, 2009
12:03 pm

EPO – Agree… natural flow!! However, since I’m 46 yrs old and not one to waste time on something that won’t go anywhere… are you married, single (not living w/someone) or otherwise encumbered are questions asked rather quickly (if I’m even slightly interested). I don’t want to help you ease out of anything…

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
12:04 pm

Melo – Suppose you asked that question on a date and the lady looked you in the eye, revealing nothing and just said “It just hasn’t happened yet”, and left it at that. When you tried to pry further, you still got a vague answer. She reveals nothing in her eyes or mannerisms and keeps the conversation and the date light-hearted.

Maybe I am over-analyzing you Melo, but I am basing my responses to you today on your mindset you reveal on this blog. You think very traditional and you seem to be of the mindset that if a woman is not wifed & babyed by a certain age something is wrong. If she says she’s not interested in going the tradiional route or says she is happy with her life as is, you think she is just telling herself this to make herself feel better and justify her situation. You’ve actually said these things on the blog before, so I’m not projecting.

Thus I think your need to get that “why are you single” question answered and read her body language is an implication that you already assume something is wrong with her or that she has something to hide. And that’s what made me read your earlier post as an interrogation.

But hey, friendly banter and debate, not that serious!

Sister Marysue

May 13th, 2009
12:06 pm

All liars shall have their part in the lake of fire! Ahhhh glory!

Sassy Me....Oochey walley,walley...oochey bang,bang :-)

May 13th, 2009
12:11 pm

I think I’m just about over being your girlfriend…..I’m leaving…I’m leaving….

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 13th, 2009
12:13 pm

I am listening to that Chrisette Michelle too ya’ll….I like it

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:15 pm

Mo

We just gave our niece the DVD set of Schoolhouse Rock collection for her 5th birthday.

I think that her parents enjoyed it more than she did..lol

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:16 pm

I’ve had Chrisette’s CD for a week, but haven’t listened to it yet. I only got it when I did because it was 2.99 for the whole thing last week.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
12:17 pm

Raqi no, never sailed with Silversea before. I haven’t even heard of them. Are you planning another cruise?

I like the Chrisette Michelle too – especially since I got it for $2.99

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 13th, 2009
12:20 pm

PoppaG – I was thinking about getting School House Rock on DVD for Lil Mo! Where did you get it?

abc

May 13th, 2009
12:21 pm

Not to beat the dead horse, but almost half of all AA women will never marry because they’ll not encounter a suitable candidate. Women could easily answer the question with that.

People stay single because that’s what they want. If marriage was what they wanted, that’s what they’d get. Here’s the thing: everyone gets what they deserve.

Everyone. Gets. What. They. Deserve.

SlimOne

May 13th, 2009
12:21 pm

Hello all. I have not attempted to read everyone’s post but I’ve been asked the question often. If they aren’t asking why no one has scooped me up yet, they are asking HOW MANY kids I have as opposed to IF I have any kids. Or if they ask about my last relationship they want to know what was wrong with me as to why he didn’t propose to me. I hate that one the most.

If yall aren’t still on topic, just disregard the above

Oh yeah, are my eyes playing tricks on me….I could’ve sworn I saw RELL up in this bytch. I thought he exiled himself.

LIONESS- Desperation is a BIYATCH!

May 13th, 2009
12:22 pm

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
12:22 pm

Who is Chrisette Michelle and will I like her? If it is anything like Beyonce then I will not. If it is mellow jazzy vocals yes. I can’t do that to the left crap. You go to the left Beyonce…way over there left.

SlimOne

May 13th, 2009
12:24 pm

abc

So women who aren’t married means that they don’t deserve to be married???

Melo

May 13th, 2009
12:26 pm

You think very traditional and you seem to be of the mindset that if a woman is not wifed & babyed by a certain age something is wrong

yes and no!! A woman that wants marriage and starts thinking about it early enough gets married(all things being equal)
But others want to get married later but get on with other things first. For example, career and school etc.I get that too.
And then there are others who wanted marriage but got it all wrong coz they didnt do it right….another story..
The stories are too numerous to chronicle and i am mindful of all that….
Ull be surprised at the nice, and beautiful chics i see and guess what:they are all wifed up!
So if i see one thats running solo and she 40,her story maybe in one of the categories i listed above,maybe not.And if she is clear and st8 forward in her head about what she wants NOW! and henceforth,she has no reason to be coy,just say it str8.
Either I am the one for her or iam not,no reason to lie to me inorder to keep me.
A woman can tell me anything she wants to tell me,truthfully or untruthfully.But iam free to make up my own mind after that!!
If u have a reason to be coy whilst on a date with long term potential,maybe its for good reason to U but not good enough for him to make a decision about U.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
12:27 pm

Kym – mello jazzy vocals. Her voice reminds me of Leela James a little.

Speaking of – I need to get tickets to see Leela, I like her style.

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
12:27 pm

There alphabet man goes with the statistics again!

Kym-It's Like That And That's The Way It Is!

May 13th, 2009
12:27 pm

Speaking of music.. does anyone know where I can download..a legal copy of Prince’s emancipation album..the three disks? i-Tunes does not have it.

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
12:29 pm

Yes Tazzee we are thinking about going in either December or February. The marido thinks we could maybe get a better deal if we make a reservation now. That could be true. However my friend Doc and her husband took a trip a few years back and the cruise line was foreclosed on in the middle of their trip. I can’t remember which line it was with. We really don’t want to put that kind of money out there and this economy gets worse and we lose it.

I saw the Silversea name on the amex site and my boss says he and his wife had a nice time sailing with them once. I checked out their site and it seems to be a nice line of ships.

Where is abc? He would probably know.

Leggs

May 13th, 2009
12:34 pm

Good afternoon everyone!

@DasV = Hello!

“Why am I single,” = cuz i don’t want to get married! Nothing wrong w/asking a person “the” question. I agree with all who said it’s not the question in it’s totality but more about how one responds!

kimmie

May 13th, 2009
12:35 pm

Melo – Cool, I see your point. I think the point me & other blog ladies are making, and even Fly Guy, is that after you’ve been asked the question a dozen times, it’s irritating. So whether I’m coy, evasive, cute or straight up with my answer, you get what you get when you ask such a question. You’re husbanded-up so you probably never have had to endure it or sit in that other seat and have to answer it for the 1000th time, so you don’t know. Life does not always work out how we all plan it, shoot 99% of the time it doesn’t. It does not make you feel any better when you have people constantly implying that something is wrong with you(if that’s the way you take it).

Just a different perspective.

Wise Diva

May 13th, 2009
12:37 pm

WOW, abc, how long did it take to go through his archives, LOL!! That’s hilarious. I am not sure what your cynicism is about in regards to guest bloggers, though. At any rate, I was told I could close the blog on my off weeks, if it was too much. I didn’t want to do that though! So, there is nothing to read between the lines, I am not auditioning anyone, it’s not even up to me who writes for the blog. :)

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
12:38 pm

SexyCool “Not a question asker? Huh? I don’t see anything wrong with questions like what is your favorite restaurant/football team/ice cream flavor/porn star/day to monkey spank? Have you ever been to New York/California/the islands/on a cruise/to jail? How do I know these things if I don’t ask? ”

I don’t care about any of that stuff until it comes up in a conversation. If we walk past an ice cream shop and we decide to get a scoop then I will find out what you like, even if you don’t order your favorite, I know what you like that day, eventually I will know your favorite, if we last that long. When the Falcons play and I am talking sh** about the other teams I am sure I wil find out what team you like if any…

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:39 pm

Mo

Mrs. PG picked it up at Fry’s, I think. It was either there or Best Buy.

Leggs

May 13th, 2009
12:40 pm

@Kym, Chrisette Michelle has a unique voice. Her first album “If I Had It My way?” was on fire. This one, is okay. It didn’t get under my skin like her first one did.

-W8 (the not so new guy)

May 13th, 2009
12:42 pm

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:43 pm

Tazzee

Ms. James gives a good show. You’d probably like it.

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
12:45 pm

Melo… (I think) Well many folks do seem to have a checklist of questions its like they rattle off 5 questions in a row and they have to be standard for that person since they come one after another its not conversation its interrogation. And if you date 5 people 3 of them will have the exact same questions practically word for word.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 13th, 2009
12:45 pm

Raqi – they foreclosed on the line in the middle of the cruise??? How did that affect their trip? That’s messed up. This will be my second year in a row not going on a cruise after a 5 year or so stint. You can probably get some sort of Amex protection if you book it now.

SexyCool

May 13th, 2009
12:46 pm

@Kimmie – no husband here…at least not anymore.

@EPO – Dude, the way you read is making it sound deeper than it has to be. What about questions like…What’s your name? How are you? Are you single/available? Can I call you sometime? Would you like to go to dinner? How do those things just COME UP in conversation without questions?

Oh, wait, I know. Tell me your name. I can see that you are doing fine. You look single. I will be calling you because you’re going to give me your number. I’m taking you to Chow Baby’s Saturday night because I know you want to go out with me.

Wise Diva

May 13th, 2009
12:46 pm

Raqi, that is a good idea to have more regular readers guest blog.

Melo

May 13th, 2009
12:48 pm

Kimmie, u 40,if a guy stepped up to u and u talk and he gets it that u 40 and he likes u and u plan a date,trust me,its already in hiz mind that u proly divorced.
HE will confirm or want to confrim that as u sit down to munch ur treats. :lol:
Now its on u to lie to him and get away with it or tell him the truth and let the pieces fall where-ever they may.
If it irritates u to answer it,he may see that to but wonder why…
U blog women here talk all the time of not wanting drama etc,i thoght u wld be the 1st to want all those cards on deck!

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
12:48 pm

The one that killed me was when being “in the closet” was the issue du jour… literally every woman I met for a good 6 months asked some stupid question about “are you in the closet?” I want to know what person who is “in the closet” would say yes to that? I mean common sense says they will deny it.

And the other killer is when I say I am single and the chick keeps telling me that I am not… I mean last time I checked I was single, so I don’t need to debate you about that… If you think I am too good to be single then I guess you are just saying that I am too god for you…???

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 13th, 2009
12:50 pm

abc….I normally never agree with you…but when you said, “People stay single because that’s what they want. If marriage was what they wanted, that’s what they’d get,” I had to agree 100%…at least from my experience. People don’t understand that I am perfectly happy being single. When I say that people say that I just say that but deep down it’s not true. I’m like…WTH…so now you know me bloody well you can tell what I feel in my gut? Only God & I know that so p*ss off! :lol: I also get tired of hearing…”you just haven’t met that right man”! Bullshyt…did it ever occur to you that such does not exist? Or hell..maybe just I do not want him to exist. Hello…earth to dumb azz…I know it’s much for a small mind to comprehend…but not everyone is longing to be in a relationship. I respect it for those who really want it and makes all the sacrifices and does all the work to keep it together. But I am just not one. And I would like the same respect of my viewpoint and feelings. But of course I will never get it because “society” says since I am a woman…I am longing to be married, knocked up and an obedient zombie for some control freak man! Oh well…as I always say….”Middle finga’ to the nay sayers…I march to the beat of my own d*mn drum”! Now listen to my 808’s! :lol:

Melo

May 13th, 2009
12:50 pm

since they come one after another its not conversation its interrogation.

EPO and hw is it that they want to know all about u but not u about them???
U must not be taking them for a serious date then??

LIONESS- Desperation is a BIYATCH!

May 13th, 2009
12:50 pm

EPO- Once again, I agree 1 million %

Poppa Grande

May 13th, 2009
12:52 pm

Raqi

Carnival has a sale going on right now.

We are taking an Eastern Caribbean cruise in August. It goes to St. John, St Lucia, etc.

LIONESS- Wondering..

May 13th, 2009
12:53 pm

Melo- What is a serious date?

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 13th, 2009
12:53 pm

@Sassy
Hey Cougar Hunter Ggggrrrrrr(growling while typing)….you comin’ to get me!

Yeeesss I am coming to get ya Ms. Sassy! :wink:

Chrisette Michelle is nice! :smile:

@PG That was a great commercial about polluting! Adter seeing that commercial I always throw trash in a garbage can nor would I let anyone around throw trash out on the ground!

@PG have you recover from seeing your Hawks get demolished?

abc

May 13th, 2009
12:54 pm

Try reading your own blog, WD, or perhaps that of those you endorse — I already stated, and it’s evidenced on Fly’s site, that the story is on his front page. I looked at his site for all of 2 minutes. It didn’t take much longer than that for my jive alarm to go off.

Slim, in general, people have the car, live in the house, have a social scene, a relationship status, etc., that they deserve. There are exceptions to everything, but in general, it is a truism.

Raqi, I’ve never sailed Silversea. They’re a niche luxury market. I’m more of a discounted RCCL kind of guy. Never NCL or Carnival!

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
12:54 pm

I don’t care about any of that stuff until it comes up in a conversation

EastPoint is that not what conversation is? If you are not talking about your likes/dislikes, interest and whatnot, exactly what is the conversation?

East Point's Own

May 13th, 2009
12:55 pm

SexyCool All those questions come before the first date… LoL. But for real though asking all the monkey *** questions about what’s your favorite this and that,blah, blah, blah, is a waste of time on me, because I will not remember jack you say…I learn best by experience not by listening.
By talking about things other then the two people on the date, you learn so much more and its usually more real information since you can’t really have prepared answers about random topics.

I have not said anybody was wrong by asking questions, just saying that it does not work for me… there have been plenty of dates where I sit through the interrogation and answer all the questions and not ask a single question in return, and then they ask why am I not asking questions and I respond as I have here, I will learn what I need to know as we spend time together.

Raqi...38 Days to ML

May 13th, 2009
12:57 pm

Tazzee every one had to take a plane home from the port that the ship got directed to. Yeah that was messed and I think she said they were only 3 days into the trip. And I think she said they did not get reimbursed for the cruise but they did get the money back for their plane tickets.

Melo

May 13th, 2009
12:59 pm

Melo- What is a serious date?

More often than not,Guys will go on dates with chics just coz they wanna smash!! Girlz,on the other hand will see a nice dude,go on a date thinking,hes a potential catch.
But again,guys will upgrade a chick even when the original intention may have been diffrnt.
Just my experience.
The seriousness is in each party’s head.