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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Path of least resistance

Yesterday, author Maryann Reid provided an interesting perspective about the submissive role that some women could take in relationships. Today, I wanted to wrap that discussion up with another interesting concept she discussed in an article, “How to Control Your Relationship through Silence”. I fully admit that the control freak in me was drawn to “control your relationship” part. However, after reading further, I realized that was not the point.

She wrote that she was referring to “women who live in ’silence’ with confidence and a quiet ambition” as it pertains to the submissive role:

You cannot force a man to accept your submission.  He has to be a man secure enough to carry the relationship and would most likely be more experienced than you in this area, whereas, he would not abuse it or overplay his hand.  Too many men think they can handle this.  Who can’t handle a quiet, submissive woman? Any man who asks that is NOT the man to be with in this kind of relationship.

The silence I’m speaking of is not vocal silence.  It’s a silence based on trust.  It’s a silence of the mind, where you are emotionally still from controlling every aspect of the relationship.

Her silence contributes to a sense of security and safety in the relationship for both.  This is not a 50/50 relationship, but two whole parts 100/100.  Their bond is like no other relationship because she is completely owned by him and dominated by him.  Her silence sustains the domination until she stops being silent.

I know some of you have no desire whatsoever in the submissive/dominance concept in relationships. I just think it’s a worthwhile discussion in our modern times because it relates to the traditions that many of us have abandoned. Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems? Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

Guys, you have always said that you are simple creatures, is this part of the same thing? In your experience, do you respond to the “path of least resistance” in a relationship? Are you intrigued by women who use silence as an actual form of communication and submission?

Ladies, Maryann Reid is offering a FREE crash course about How To Be An Alpha-Female with empowering tips via email for the home, bedroom, boardroom and beyond- especially for you!

274 comments Add your comment

abc

May 12th, 2009
12:45 pm

I’m surprised you’d continue the submissive line, Randy. Obviously, that’s not a traditional role, has no basis in Biblically defined roles, doesn’t have squat to do with dating. A person who isn’t a mouthy malcontent is not a submissive.

What, nobody else is willing to pull the BS card on this? Certainly, I can’t be the only one that thinks so.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:46 pm

Truth…neither do I personally think that about “submission”. I think submissive is fine when there is respect and appreciation. But I have seen plenty who want submissive to mean the ability to walk all over someone and even sometimes with an element of hostility or cruelty. I was talking about the latter, not the former type of submissive….the clinging vine who is willing to take excessive abuse.

lurker

May 12th, 2009
12:48 pm

KYM…I’m digging all your posts today. I completely understand where you’re coming from

Kimmie Feeling your 10:30…on point

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
12:50 pm

abc are you referring to the entire topic as a whole and as it relates to dating?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:50 pm

abc…I was talking about multiple types of “submission”. Personally I think submission as a role for both the male and the female as I aaddressed in my post to Truth. I am saying I have seen both types of “submissive”, the one who is proud of her partner and willingly submits to his authority…and I have seen the “submissive” who has beated down in relationships to the point where she does not think she has teh right to an identity. It is the latter or something in between that I was addressing, the one with no indentity of her own.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:51 pm

My typing is crappy today. I meant to say that submission with respect is perfectly acceptable for both in my opinion, within the bounds of respect.

IslandGirl aka IG

May 12th, 2009
12:52 pm

@Truth..I sweetheart. I know I don’t blog much anymore, but I do come by and read when I can.

@Melo…”Being married and happy don’t mean u don’t necessarily cross paths from time to time”. This is a good point. If a woman says, her opinion does not count for anything that happens in the household is not submission… that ish sounds like bondage to me. I understand submission to mean my husband is Alpha and head of household. I trust his decisions, I let him lead, I love him no matter what situations come our way (including infidelity)…that especially is a big pill to swallow.

With all that said, my husband should know his wife is wise enough to have an opinion (period).

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 12th, 2009
12:53 pm

Afternoon folks!

Not much to add to the topic.

Cemeeli that Trader Joe’s is not far from me, next time text me and I’ll meet you there…

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
12:53 pm

Randy, one is submission and one is low self esteem. If I’m taking care of a chicks needs then what is there to fight over? Unless she just wants to fight.

Does anyone use an air card and does it pop out often? i dislike this thing.

abc

May 12th, 2009
12:54 pm

Raqi and Randy, I’m talking about submission as a desireable trait; submission as a personality or character trait vs. a wife that submits; applicability to dating situations, or any unmarried condition; seeming wrong-mindedness of Ms Reid’s perspective on issues of dating, period, with my impressions of that gained from her site.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:54 pm

@Melo…”But thats not the meaning of submission tho!!” I don’t think that way at all either, but I think many men do.

-W8 (the not so new guy)

May 12th, 2009
12:54 pm

I’m a man I lead, end of story. My job is to make her comfortable enough to submit and not worry about a damn thing. My job is to be a covering..not a top/lid (marinate on that).

MELO

May 12th, 2009
12:56 pm

It is the latter or something in between that I was addressing, the one with no indentity of her own

RANDY?? :) MLB is trying to cordinate to put the ladies in check and in line and u advocating for a WLB blog riot,whats up with that???? :grin:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:59 pm

@Truth “Randy, one is submission and one is low self esteem.” Personally I agree 100%, but I really think the lines get blurred out in the real world soemtimes.

My personal preference is a lady who has a “fire” in her eyes and soul, who knows when to let me lead, and when to give me her opinion. I will make the end decisions on the big stuff taking into account her feelings, but as far as the small stuff…as Tommy Lee Jones said in the “Fugitive”…”I don’t care”.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
1:00 pm

Ahhh “hellz” Melo, the other side is paying me off, LOL.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
1:01 pm

@DJ No I am not on that at all. How could I be I am raising a young black man? But at the same time I am not going to continue to limit myself in dating. Who knows there might be a white guy in my future? All of my family is not like that. If he drinks, watches football(a Falcons fan all the better for them) my male cousins won’t have a problem. Oh great now there are two issues: short and a Falcons fan.

JOHNSMRFORDBIBBY

May 12th, 2009
1:02 pm

Tazzee, I have cleared my May-June calendar and im shopping for a new party outfit.
When is the house warming partey again???? :lol:

Melo

May 12th, 2009
1:08 pm

Tazzee,that wasnt Mr JOHNSMRFORDBIBBY(whoever that is),that was me,MELO :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 12th, 2009
1:08 pm

JOHNSMRFORDBIBBY, Don’t know who you are….but I’m not having a housewarming party – no parking…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it :lol:

I even got a letter from the HOA about parking on the ’street’ – Sorry Suckas!!!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 12th, 2009
1:09 pm

:lol: – thanks for that clarification Melo.

anonymousella

May 12th, 2009
1:16 pm

@melo: my point is that they didn’t pick and choose their battles. they yelled when they felt like yelling, regardless of how serious the topic was. and they yelled louder when the problems were bigger. silence was not golden. raising their voice / a hatchet / leather belt and clothesline / some h3ll when necessary was.

i’ll take it further: i didn’t see a male head of household in any marriage i saw growing up. that’s not to say that there weren’t men around. that’s not even to say they weren’t strong. it’s to say they weren’t running things.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:17 pm

:cry:

Tazzee – Just got back, I did get my Almond Butter but now i see i have CRUNCHY!!! ugh….I’m so upset!

Like my friend mytwo says “reading is fundemental”…:)

English Girl

May 12th, 2009
1:19 pm

@Island girl re: your 12:30pm post ….am I happy..Definately! much happier than before when I was “silent”, our my marraige is soooooo much better now. My husband is a much better man in our relationship knowing he isn’t always going to be questioned or debated to death about every little thing. I just had to let go and not control ‘everything’. Even though I thought I was ‘communicating’ it just came across to him like I was nagging and questioning him as the man and husband in the relationship.

I had to realize that just cause he didn’t do things ‘my way’ doesn’t mean that the end result is not the same. As long as the jobs done who cares! Once I took on that attitude and took my ‘role’ as the wife was more submissive so to speak…my marriage went to a whole other level, so much better than it was before. Basically I learn’t to shut up! lol :-)

Melo

May 12th, 2009
1:21 pm

Tazze,that wxcuse is lame.We can always transport pple thru marta and pick them up at one central place.Cmon girl,we need a partey!!!!!

Blog,im opening up a register for ur signatures.We need to make it happpen.
Hw can u come back to Atlanta Tazz and not get Blog luv??

English Girl

May 12th, 2009
1:23 pm

But don’t get me wrong when I do feel strongly about something I voice my opinion and now he listens because he knows it must be impotant because I’m “silent” about everything else.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 12th, 2009
1:24 pm

I had to realize that just cause he didn’t do things ‘my way’ doesn’t mean that the end result is not the same. As long as the jobs done who cares!

I’m working on this part myself… Part of my relationship deprogramming. That and letting him know what I’m doing. I don’t ask, but I am trying to let him know my plans in advance. Sometimes I forget until the last minute (when he asks if I want him to get me something for dinner tonight) but I’m working on it…

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:25 pm

Tazzee – Guess who went to visit a client in your community today?

Our buddy C The guy asking about your tenure at Purdue. He says “HI”!

IslandGirl aka IG

May 12th, 2009
1:25 pm

@English Gil…I got you and understand.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:28 pm

Hey IslandGirl!!! You pop in just in seasonal time!

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:28 pm

Cee

You should have gone to Home Depot during lunch.

LIONESS-About to Cook

May 12th, 2009
1:31 pm

I am not feeling the Home Depot on Peachtree Dunwoody.. It is in a weird spot..

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:31 pm

PoppaG – What at The Depot that i missed?

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:34 pm

Cee

2×4’s

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
1:38 pm

abc I figured that is what you were saying.

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:39 pm

Home Depot has 2 x 4’s.

Nice thick pieces of wood to to catch & club Josh Smith over the head as he leaves Philips Arena today to get it through his skull that he has no jumpshot & to quit acting like he has one!

Melo

May 12th, 2009
1:40 pm

they yelled when they felt like yelling, regardless of how serious the topic was

yeah,there are some who do it like that.Most pple wld be divorced but they have gone on for 40 yrs u say…they compensate for that ish elsewhere where they tolerate each other better.
I can bet u..oops,u say its ur mom and dad?? Dont matter,i know they proly slam each other real bad when in the bedroom.Thats hw it goes with most cpples.
Most cples have a secret glue,unbeknown to the rest of the maddening and wondering crowd.
I do.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:42 pm

J-Smooove…was not for real, lastnight.

NOt For Real!!!

LOL @ 2X4’s

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 12th, 2009
1:43 pm

The chicks available here are outcasts and philipinos, who from what i’ve learned are a whole country of prostitutes. Fathers will and do sell their 13 year old daughters over there. THis is just what I’ve heard since i havent been there to verify.

- TRUE…i have a couple of stories from my time at subic bay….memories..awww

@english girl….your 1:19……standing o LOVE

LIONESS-About to Cook

May 12th, 2009
1:45 pm

Question: Should there be an age range on marriages? ie: No marriages before you turn 30..
What is the best age range to have lasting marriage?

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:46 pm

Most cples have a secret glue,unbeknown to the rest of the maddening and wondering crowd.

The truth. Even though i’ve never been married. In my relationships, i do not let friends/family sniff my “glue”.

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:46 pm

Cee

Then you should hand the 2×4 to Zaza so that he could use it for military press and bench press because his moves to the basket are so weak.

IslandGirl aka IG

May 12th, 2009
1:49 pm

@Cee…that is funny!!! Yes, things are slowing down at work…so that gives me free time to check out my peeps in blogville.

Demi

May 12th, 2009
1:49 pm

IslandGirl…Hey Bey!

RandyT…what up with these white girls in Atlanta…me and a friend rode downtown (just for the heck of it…issssh, I just wanted to do a few quick sprints of 140mph). Anyway…we head to some bar in Mid-town…Mayne, few of them white girls had some azzes on them…RandyT, what are yall feeding them???!!! And don’t say KFC, that mess ain’t right! LOL

(negative: riding with no gloves and jacket isn’t cute in chilly weather. The ride home was colda than’a'Bish…)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 12th, 2009
1:50 pm

Cemeeli – tell ‘C’ I said hi!

PoppaG – LOL at the 2×4s. I think I yelled at Zaza and Josh all night last night…well during the second half (had to work late, didn’t get to the game until halftime). Josh was playing lazy and trying for the jumpshots. Zaza needs to learn how to take it to the basket fierce! I need to see his elbow in the basket – all those soft layups from ‘Rocky’ ticked me off!

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:50 pm

Rell

Fathers will and do sell their 13 year old daughters over there.

When I was in Japan, a person told me that many Japanese men desire pre-pubescent females. They are considered pure, unused, and clean.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
1:53 pm

Bibby is my guy! He has the most Playoff experience. And it shows.

Someone from the blog left a comment on my kid’s Blog. I’ just wanted to say thanks for the encouragement. That was so long ago the trip to D.C. but yes we will always keep that child exposed.

Ya’ll are soo kind.

DJ Sniper

May 12th, 2009
1:54 pm

Can ya’ll pass me one of those 2×4’s so I can get my turn smacking Josh Smith as well? I swear, he better spend this offseason working on his jump shot and ball handling abilities. If he can improve those, he is going to be a straight beast. I hope this season was a wake up call for him to get his game together like it needs to be.

Poppa Grande

May 12th, 2009
1:55 pm

Tazzee

I guess that I’m bitter because I got free tix from my boss last night. SO, I actually went. They played with no urgency at all. I would have at least gone down swinging. Woodson should have at least put Randolph Morris or Solomon Jones in there to get physical (that 12 fouls) .

I sat there thinking, I missed CSI Miami for this!

DJ Sniper

May 12th, 2009
1:59 pm

Kym, you a Falcons fan? Your stock just went up in my book. You better be glad I’m married. lol I really think the team is gonna take a giant step forward in 2009. We finally have people in the front office who know what moves to make. Some people are worried about a sophomore slump from Matt Ryan, but I don’t think it will happen. Is it football season yet? lol

Just out of curiosity, how tall are you? I see that being short is a dealbreaker for you.

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
2:00 pm

What is the best age range to have lasting marriage

Lioness there isn’t one.