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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Path of least resistance

Yesterday, author Maryann Reid provided an interesting perspective about the submissive role that some women could take in relationships. Today, I wanted to wrap that discussion up with another interesting concept she discussed in an article, “How to Control Your Relationship through Silence”. I fully admit that the control freak in me was drawn to “control your relationship” part. However, after reading further, I realized that was not the point.

She wrote that she was referring to “women who live in ’silence’ with confidence and a quiet ambition” as it pertains to the submissive role:

You cannot force a man to accept your submission.  He has to be a man secure enough to carry the relationship and would most likely be more experienced than you in this area, whereas, he would not abuse it or overplay his hand.  Too many men think they can handle this.  Who can’t handle a quiet, submissive woman? Any man who asks that is NOT the man to be with in this kind of relationship.

The silence I’m speaking of is not vocal silence.  It’s a silence based on trust.  It’s a silence of the mind, where you are emotionally still from controlling every aspect of the relationship.

Her silence contributes to a sense of security and safety in the relationship for both.  This is not a 50/50 relationship, but two whole parts 100/100.  Their bond is like no other relationship because she is completely owned by him and dominated by him.  Her silence sustains the domination until she stops being silent.

I know some of you have no desire whatsoever in the submissive/dominance concept in relationships. I just think it’s a worthwhile discussion in our modern times because it relates to the traditions that many of us have abandoned. Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems? Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

Guys, you have always said that you are simple creatures, is this part of the same thing? In your experience, do you respond to the “path of least resistance” in a relationship? Are you intrigued by women who use silence as an actual form of communication and submission?

Ladies, Maryann Reid is offering a FREE crash course about How To Be An Alpha-Female with empowering tips via email for the home, bedroom, boardroom and beyond- especially for you!

274 comments Add your comment

Leggs

May 12th, 2009
11:14 am

Good morning. This is going to be an interesting day.

@RandyT, I felt your post. I do not understand the “silence treatment.” Now you say your ex is doing the same w/your daugther. This is blatant disrespect toward your own child. Blasphemous! Being silent doesn’t solve anything. If at all, it makes matters worse. A person silencing their thoughts to make a particular situation more peaceful is only contributing to problematic health issues. I’d be damn if I sit by quietly why another makes my life miserable. How is that a person can live with someone or even married and walk around not speaking for days? What a waste! I’m tired this morning and a bit cranky so I’ll lurk…

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
11:17 am

Which is more important to you, getting the treatment or getting it from a particular man? In other words, would you forgo the treatment if you cannot get it from a certain type of man?

Raqi are you serious?…..I know you’re pregna but come on now. I would rather be treated well by a man(regardless of his ethnicity) than to be treated like ish by a man of my own. I wouldn’t dare be so ingnorant as to subject myself to bullshyt treatment from an AA man just to say I’m with one or for the sake of a pseudo-relationship(no I wouldn’t even call that a real one so it’s “pseudo”). Why do you think some of our AA sisters date outside their race?….because they want to be treated well and not neccessarily by a brother in specific but a MAN WHO CARES ENOUGH TO DO IT. It’s all about choices…..not to say that all AA men terat their women crappy but if that’s been the totality of your experiences with them then why not try something different? Insanity is doing the same thing the same way everytime and expecting different results Albert Einstien

Let me ask YOU a question…..If Mason treated you and your sons and future daughter like dirt and you met another man who may not be of your ethnicity who treated you like 24K gold what would YOU DO??? Would you stay with Mase or choose to be treated well. It’s not the million dollar question or quantum physics but a common sense question…..so ponder.

abc

May 12th, 2009
11:22 am

Yeah Raqi, get a load of her site. Tartuffe. I have to wonder where the submissive line comes from, looking at the tripe there. WD, what’s your marketing tie-in with Ms Reid?

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
11:27 am

Sassy I did not say settle for getting treated like dirt, LOL. I was asking would you just do without if it is not coming from a particular man.

A lot of people are very adamant about not dating outside of a particular race and would do without instead.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
11:31 am

@Truth I agree people make some horrible choices in mates and they may not wake up from the happy ending until it is too late. So this I grant you. But if your mate is not meeting your needs(emotional, sexual, or otherwise) and you are meeting their needs. Things are out of balance. Most Men are doers..you show love by doing. You don’t say it.often..you don’t write love odes to your lover’s toes. I get that. Women are nurturing we cuddle, rub, say, talk because that is how we show our love. We have to talk it out. Here is where there is compromise. I accept that your cleaning out my car, taking out the garbage and buying my favorite chinese for dinner are acts of love. But, you have to accept that if I want to talk about an issue that involves the family I should be heard. I love to talk but not all the time. I have actually asked my son for 30mins of silence when I get home because frankly I want to strip off the day and renew.- I rarely get the 30mins.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
11:32 am

Sassy, funny you bring up other races. All the cats here deal with these phil/orientals because they dont want to deal with american chicks. They would rather pay a chick to date them than do the day to day thing with an american. We’re talking black, white and other. All the sista’s here date white guys.

I guess everyone is looking for what they dont have nowadys.

Kuwait chronicles: I talked with a bruh sunday I was working with and he told me he spent over $40,000 here his first year on sex alone. He said every night was one, two or three chicks. At the end of the year he looked at his account and it was empty so he rethought his plans and just got one hooker every few nights or so. Just thought I’d break up the tension. LOL

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
11:32 am

That’s all well and to the good Raqi but I asked YOU a question as well…what would you do sistergirl?…what would you teach your little queen soon to come? Let’s you and the rest of the blog women dialogue on that…seriuosly b/c unfortunately there are alot of us who would settle with a shytty brother and not love self enough to “move on”.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
11:33 am

Treat me well and race is a non-issue. Now short..short is an issue.

Wise Diva

May 12th, 2009
11:37 am

@abc, no grand marketing scheme, I asked an author to guest blog and out of courtesy, I linked to their site where you can find more about them. You certainly are not obligated to check her out it doesn’t interest you, though.

There will be another featured guest blog tomorrow and I will do the same thing.

LIONESS

May 12th, 2009
11:38 am

Good Morning All :)
Truth- My ex had diarrhea mouth.. Goodness! I have a slick mouth but I know how to control it! That is a realationship NO NO!

Some black women give other black women a bad wrap! I know a BUNCH of black women that talk to much about them being independent, don’t need a man for ish, blah blah blah.. Why speak on something you already know? Annoying SMDH!

NY2GA, Inc.

May 12th, 2009
11:38 am

@abc
Did you say tripe? lol.

Out of curiosity, what is Ms. Reid’s marital status? Secondly, how have the use of her alpha female techniques helped or hindered her intimate relationship(s)? I need this before I enroll in the crash course…

Kym

May 12th, 2009
11:38 am

And let me clarify treatment..this does not mean spend big bucks and bring your credit report. It just means show me respect. I respect you..you respect me we grow from there.

Sassy I just had this discussion the other night..apparently the idea that I would consider dating or letting my son be mentored by a man other than black well lets just say some members of the family circus are none to happy.

LIONESS

May 12th, 2009
11:38 am

Cee- I would go with you too BUT I have no idea where you work.. LOL! I have NEVER been to trader joes

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
11:38 am

Truth I’ve noticed that as well as heard it from other men in the military,too. Is there an anti-American women sentiment going on(depending on where you are) or against women who are “Westernized”. 40k is alot to spend on “puntang”…they must’ve had that THAYOW ;)

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
11:40 am

Kym, thanks for answering my question. If someones not taking care of your emotional, physical and financial needs than why are you even with them and what can you say to change them? Before you answer think of how hard it is to change yourself, let alone someone else.

Leggs

May 12th, 2009
11:41 am

@Truth, all you did was rile up Melo!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
11:42 am

@ Truth re “Kuwait chronicles: I talked with a bruh sunday I was working with and he told me he spent over $40,000 here his first year on sex alone.”

This was on the AJC website today, similar thing, Charlie Sheen was on the list again according to another version I heard, LOL. Money does help I suppose.

“Woman accused in porn star prostitution ring”
SANTA ANA, Calif. — A woman is accused in California of making more than $8.5 million from an online prostitution business that claimed to employ porn stars and fashion models.

Michelle Braun appeared Monday in federal court in Orange County and was allowed to remain free pending her next pretrial hearing next month.

The Boca Raton, Fla., woman is accused of charging clients $50,000 or more to spend the night with adult film stars, models, and actresses. Prosecutors say she used her travel business to launder the money.

Braun pleaded not guilty in March to money laundering and transporting someone for prostitution purposes. Prosecutors say she’s expected to change her plea to guilty before her next hearing.

Braun and her lawyer declined to comment.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
11:47 am

@Truth, I am not going to try to change them. That is something they have to choose to change within themselves and as you stated they often wont. Dude you are preaching to the choir with this one.. I have been here done that and have a 13 year old kid to show for it. Emotional I got, Physical I got, financially is where he was lacking not because he couldn’t he was just unwilling to do it legally. And no matter how hard he tried..he could not unprogram the behavior..so why should I have stuck it out in silence. I pushed the heck on.

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 12th, 2009
11:51 am

@truth…you know what it is…those dudes dont have to pay those women..those women just know how to tung on the heart strings…those saps are sticking on there caps…it must be kool ass hell in kuwait with all those dayum caps flapping in the wind

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
11:52 am

Sassy I take it you have not been reading this site long to ask me about dating outside of my race.

I’ll take a good man over a piece of shyt all day long. If Mason starts to get funky I know the way to the door.

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
11:53 am

LOL Kym. Short is an issue.

English Girl

May 12th, 2009
11:55 am

The topics for the last two days have really hit home for me as it relates to my marraige and the changes I have had to make in regards to how I communicate with my husband. My husband is the head of our household and I don’t have to have an opinion or comment about everything. I married him because I love and trust him, so I have to trust that he is doing the best for us as a family.

So silence or communicating my question, point, whatever once and once only and giving him the time to respond whether it be hours or days later, sets us up for him to listen to me when I have something to say that is really important. Now he respond knowing that when I do talk or express something it’s really important and he listens.

abc

May 12th, 2009
11:57 am

Really, WD? The link you posted is to an entry form where people can provide their name and email address (read: spam engine), branded specifically to “Misadventures in Dating” (sic). It certainly appears to be a marketing relationship. Looks like a duck… it doesn’t quack?

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 12th, 2009
11:57 am

@English girl….you should have bolded all dat…lol

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
11:57 am

Now we are really on topic with “Path of Least Resistance” when talking about our American men getting women from other cultures. Most mainly so when seeking a “silent” woman and I mean silent. In some of these cultures the woman has no voice. Period. She is like a child, to be seen and not heard. And being seen is still a stretch.

If that’s what you need to feel like a man then have at it.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
12:00 pm

Kym, you knew he wasnt going to generate legal funds before you got with him right? I’m all for you leaving, my thing is why not leave the moment you find something thats totally unacceptable to you?

Sassy, I work daily with alot of cats from india and the middle east, though most are from india. They’d rather stick needles in their groin than date an american. This goes for most of the world, though I suspect 100% of them would sleep with said american.

No matter how things get I’ll never turn my back on sista’s. Yeah, I talk alot of crap but i love y’all asses. At the end of the day I just wouldn’t be at home with some oriegentle or middle eastern chick. Its not a thought I’d entertain. Then again I dont have a problem with chicks i date submitting. Your going to bow down to the Truth.

DJ Sniper

May 12th, 2009
12:05 pm

Kym, is there any particular reason you’re considering having someone other than a black man mentor your son? I’m not opposed to your son having a positive male influence of another race, but I’m just curious as to why you were considering that.

Sassy, you said this earlier: not to say that all AA men terat their women crappy but if that’s been the totality of your experiences with them then why not try something different? Insanity is doing the same thing the same way everytime and expecting different results Albert Einstien

I’m not opposed to interracial dating, but if a woman has been treated terrible by AA men her whole life, then maybe she needs to take a look at herself and ask why she keeps attracting low budget ghetto trash. The same concept also applies for AA men who say they wanna jump over to women of another race.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
12:08 pm

@Truth what attracted me to him was his intellect. We met in college. Smart, funny..but who knew he would rather use his powers for evil rather than good. It happens, you live you learn, you keep it moving.

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
12:09 pm

I take it you have not been reading this site long to ask me about dating outside of my race.

ObviousLY I didn’t,hence I asked the question.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
12:10 pm

All the MLB give English Girl a standing ovation. Bravo Bravo

MELO

May 12th, 2009
12:11 pm

@Truth, all you did was rile up Melo!
:???: :grin: :evil: :twisted:

How…??

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
12:12 pm

No matter how things get I’ll never turn my back on sista’s. Yeah, I talk alot of crap but i love y’all asses.

Truth that’s what’s up big daddy :)

LIONESS

May 12th, 2009
12:12 pm

Melo- Send me a list of the smiley names

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
12:14 pm

I have said it at least 10 times on here alone, if those non-American women were all that great, over and above us, how is it they are available for you all’s pickings? Think about it. Would those dominant men that those woman “serve under” allow you all to come over there and take their women? Why are they not protecting their priceless jewels?

There is good and bad in every nation all over this world.

LIONESS-About to Cook

May 12th, 2009
12:14 pm

English- Bravo!

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
12:15 pm

Sniper point made…point taken….

MELO

May 12th, 2009
12:16 pm

All the MLB give English Girl a standing ovation. Bravo Bravo

:grin: :grin: :grin:

Game Over!!

Welcome back E-girl!!

Kym

May 12th, 2009
12:18 pm

@DJ I mention it to a family member that I am willing to date or marry outside of my race. And they asked me well what about my son? I ask them to explain. They told me by my son seeing me associate with a man of another race(white was bugging them mostly) then my son would not get the full black man experience. I ask them to define that,, which they could not..but they proceed to tell me I was depriving my son. I ask them what difference does it make if my son recieves guidance from a man that is white, so long as he is getting positive guidance?

Leggs

May 12th, 2009
12:21 pm

@Melo, I was talking about his 11:32 post talking about breaking up the tension of the blog by posting how one spent $40,000 on sex in one year! Any talk about sex makes me think of you and the crazy posts you will have. But, you didn’t respond to his post so I was wrong!

LIONESS-About to Cook

May 12th, 2009
12:24 pm

Kym- Your 12:18 comment.. I commend on standing your ground with yur family and I TOTALLY agree with your stance :)

MELO

May 12th, 2009
12:24 pm

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
12:25 pm

Raqi, in there culture when a womans charachter is in question she is cast out. Remember, its just not the guy making the decision but both famlies. With that being said if you have a “past’ you’re not disrupting the family lines. This is about business. Whereas a pure women will command 60 goats a nutrag will get 2 cans of diet coke.

The chicks available here are outcasts and philipinos, who from what i’ve learned are a whole country of prostitutes. Fathers will and do sell their 13 year old daughters over there. THis is just what I’ve heard since i havent been there to verify.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
12:28 pm

Question for all who care to respond…

I have flittered in and out today and off and on for the last three years or so. One question that always enters my mind is (and I include myself in this), we talk the talk, but how many of us walk the walk? Do we really actually pursue what we say we want or do we actually fall for the glitter instead. For instance, for the ladies who seem to indicate that they want a man who will take care of them, but be sensitive (although a lady told me a long time ago that all of the great looking sensitive guys already had boyfriends)…but is that really what you want? Are you really wanting that, or do you really want the next rogue, BSD, playa that comes along? Men, do you really want a “submissive” that jumps when you say jump, that hangs onto you like a piece of jewelry, with those “adoring cow eyes”…or are you going to jump at the next wild lady at the dance club with a great chest, beautiful skin, but has byiotch written all over her?

I include myself in this, but have lived long enough to know the reason for the saying “beware of what you wish for, you might get it”.

IslandGirl aka IG

May 12th, 2009
12:30 pm

I had to come out of blog hibernation for this one. **English Girl**….so are you really happy?!

anonymousella

May 12th, 2009
12:31 pm

“Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?”

did this tradition ever really exist? i know my mama and grandma did not suffer quietly. in fact, my mother is probably yelling at my dad right. now. about leaving dirty dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. my folks have been together for 40 years.

“Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems?

nope. because what happens is that one of y’all goes through the scenario in their head, gets mad, my ex was awfully fond of that “i shouldn’t have to ask you.” well if you want me to do something about it, guess what negro, you need to inform me that you think there is a problem.

“Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?”

i think it’s about picking your battles because it’s draining FOR YOU to be angry all the time. but some men are the “if you got something to say then say it” type. and then they get all mad because they asked you what you were thinking and you said it. *eye roll*

DJ Sniper

May 12th, 2009
12:35 pm

@Kym, I see. On one hand, I do believe that there are some experiences that black men go through that men of other races just can’t relate to, but as I said earlier, I see no problem with your son receiving guidance from a man who isn’t black. As for your willingness to date non-black men, I don’t see an issue with that either; so long as you’re not doing because you’ve jumped on the “N***as Ain’t S**T” train. lol

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
12:38 pm

IG, whats up mama? Hows life? I miss you in this camp.

Randy, I guess in my mind I dont think of submissive in the terms you used. I just think its a woman thats happy in her situation and doesnt have the need to try and dominate the situation.

MELO

May 12th, 2009
12:39 pm

Men, do you really want a “submissive” that jumps when you say jump, that hangs onto you like a piece of jewelry,

But thats not the meaning of submission tho!!

in fact, my mother is probably yelling at my dad right. now. about leaving dirty dishes in the sink instead

But thats all minor stuff.Nobody divorces coz of that,anonymousella.
Being married and happy dont mean u dont necesarily cross paths from time to time…..u look at the Big picture.

Raqi

May 12th, 2009
12:41 pm

Truth I don’t doubt that to be true. However I would not say that all the women being scoped up are tainted, but I just choose to believe that aaaalllll those women that some of these American men speak so fondly of in a way to degrade us AW, would not be readily available if they were all that great.

anonymousella

May 12th, 2009
12:41 pm

and this is why we proofread and do not multitask. “because what happens is that one of y’all goes through the scenario in their head, gets mad,” should have been “because what happens is that one of y’all goes through the scenario in their head, gets mad, gets over it and gets ready to get out before the other person can say ‘what’s wrong?’”