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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Path of least resistance

Yesterday, author Maryann Reid provided an interesting perspective about the submissive role that some women could take in relationships. Today, I wanted to wrap that discussion up with another interesting concept she discussed in an article, “How to Control Your Relationship through Silence”. I fully admit that the control freak in me was drawn to “control your relationship” part. However, after reading further, I realized that was not the point.

She wrote that she was referring to “women who live in ’silence’ with confidence and a quiet ambition” as it pertains to the submissive role:

You cannot force a man to accept your submission.  He has to be a man secure enough to carry the relationship and would most likely be more experienced than you in this area, whereas, he would not abuse it or overplay his hand.  Too many men think they can handle this.  Who can’t handle a quiet, submissive woman? Any man who asks that is NOT the man to be with in this kind of relationship.

The silence I’m speaking of is not vocal silence.  It’s a silence based on trust.  It’s a silence of the mind, where you are emotionally still from controlling every aspect of the relationship.

Her silence contributes to a sense of security and safety in the relationship for both.  This is not a 50/50 relationship, but two whole parts 100/100.  Their bond is like no other relationship because she is completely owned by him and dominated by him.  Her silence sustains the domination until she stops being silent.

I know some of you have no desire whatsoever in the submissive/dominance concept in relationships. I just think it’s a worthwhile discussion in our modern times because it relates to the traditions that many of us have abandoned. Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems? Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

Guys, you have always said that you are simple creatures, is this part of the same thing? In your experience, do you respond to the “path of least resistance” in a relationship? Are you intrigued by women who use silence as an actual form of communication and submission?

Ladies, Maryann Reid is offering a FREE crash course about How To Be An Alpha-Female with empowering tips via email for the home, bedroom, boardroom and beyond- especially for you!

274 comments Add your comment

Kym

May 12th, 2009
8:27 am

Good Morning All,

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems? Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

To this concept I say no. Given my parental upbringing. Holding things in and suffering in silence is one of the things I would never do. I tried and it does not work for me. Matter of fact I am not even going to attempt to relate to this “concept”. I know how to pick and choose my battles. Everything is not a mountain and you have to learn to recongize molehills. But no way in the sam hill am I going to sit, or stand, idle by and be the silent minority. Like I said last week good arguments are healthy and keep you regular. Silence will drive you to mental illness.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
8:31 am

Good Morning.

IMO there are two separate issues brought to the table of discussion this morning…

Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?

Yes, through acceptance. Accept that these traditions actual hold merit and have been the source of many lasting relationships.

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems?

I have found that you should pick your battles wisely. I am not going to shut for anybody. I have a voice and opinion in the relationship and it will be heard. However I will not nag about tedious crap.

”The silence I’m speaking of is not vocal silence. It’s a silence based on trust. It’s a silence of the mind, where you are emotionally still from controlling every aspect of the relationship. Her silence contributes to a sense of security and safety in the relationship for both.”

Now this ^ silence here I get. Not having to control everything.
Actually having faith and trust in my marido that I can sleep at night knowing he will do right by me and our marriage.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
8:46 am

Safety and security is what I desire. Most women probably desire the same. That is a huge problem these days and quite understandable. If you don’t feel that a man can provide this for you then you have to get it yourself. We want to feel safe and secure. That safety and security is not only emotionally and physically but financially too. So when the man is not providing that in the relationship he forces his woman to get it on her own therefore possible creating that less of a need and/or desire for him.

I cannot think of too many things in this world that I hate more than a nonchalant shiftless man. I don’t mean go out and move Stone Mountain, but you need to actually give a damn about something. Care. Be concerned.

That there provides safety and security in the relationship.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
8:54 am

Forgot this one..

Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society? I am not trying to make this an us vs them conversation but Raqi you hit on something and that is acceptance. Yes we love to stick the idea that the old ways are the best ways but there has to be some acceptance of the changing times and that relationships like everything else have to evolve.

My auntie always says there is nothing new under the sun..but in terms of relationships I think there is alot of new. In the good ole days as we like to say. Women(black or white) may have work outside the home but it was not in many of the fields we had now. You female professionals(doc, lawyer, nurse, teachers etc.) were few and far between. Now women have access so more choices means more change even in relationship dynamics. Look before some jackleg says oh its that whole women’s lib jive. Please note that had women in the olden days had access I am thinking this new change under the sun might have come a bit sooner.

I know I am the posting news article queen but I read on NPR Sunday how in the recession women are taking a greater role as the Breadwinner.

Economists say this recession is reshaping the financial roles of millions of women whose husbands have lost jobs. Since the recession began in December 2007, about 5.7 million jobs have disappeared in the United States. About 4 out of 5 of those jobs were held by men. That’s because the heaviest employment cuts have been concentrated in construction, manufacturing and financial services, where male workers predominate.

The uneven impact of the recession shows up in the unemployment data. On Friday, the Labor Department said the overall jobless rate in April was 8.9 percent. But for adult men, the rate was 9.4 percent; for adult women, it was just 7.1 percent.

The article went on to say that women are taking second jobs to assist the family. The times have a changed and I think there needs to be some acceptance that relationship dynamics have to change with them.

Professor

May 12th, 2009
8:56 am

Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

IMO it is truly about picking my battles and letting my SO know the things I cannot live with/out. Simply put everything is not a battle, nor do I have an opinion or a preference on everything. For example, I dated a guy that always had an opinion on something or preference. I mean small things like going to the movies he had to control every detail, or he always had a preference on where we should eat. Even if I blankly stated I want Café Intermezzo, he would say pizza. I will not even talk about his lack of knowledge of a subject yet the opinion would start flowing like a river. Needless to say, I find it very difficult to deal with a SO that must control everything regardless of how minute it is.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
9:15 am

You cannot force a man to accept your submission

I hate a man that hides under his woman’s skirt tail. Hell leave that in the bedroom. Dealing with matters of life is not the place for that. So many guys cannot accept submission because it puts him out on the front line. Now he has to come up and make it happen because the woman is allowing herself to be lead by his actions. Many man fear this. Why I don’t know because their voice will be heard before a woman’s.

A husband and wife can walk into an establish to voice their grievances, before either one opens their mouth the one approached 95% of the time looks at the man first. This I know. I live this. We walk into the bank together, they shake his hand first and look at him first when asking “how can we help you all today?”

Yeah a man that don’t want to be and is not capable of being the head cannot handle a submissive woman.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
9:23 am

Maybe I don’t grasp nor desire to grasp this submission concept but how in the sam hell is dealing with a ducky man making a woman submissive? This is some lame stuff for real. I mean if the account is your hubby’s account why are you calling? Well he told me too..okay we can’t talk to you and why can’t he talk for himself-this is duck like behavior. This is just a pet peeve of mind..that and mother’s who call for stuff for their grown behind son’s..is he over 18 yes..then he is an adult. Let him check his own stuff. Well I am just calling for him. No you are just creating a duck. My kid is a minor so yes I am responsible once he passes 18 what in the sam hill do I look like calling to have a discussion with his history or science professor? WTH?? And the sad part is it happens. Alot.

MissQC

May 12th, 2009
9:23 am

Morning Bloggers…very interesting topic; me personally does not prefer the “silent treatment” I don’t want my Man around me and not talking or communicating with me; talk to me baby let me know what’s on your mind; The “silence is golden” phrase doesn’t work for me…hope you all have a great day! ;)

AmazonRed - blogging from phone

May 12th, 2009
9:24 am

Morning!

This seems like some sort of mail order relationship. Well informed women should always have an opinion on things that affect their lives. So just because it isn’t expressed does not mean it isn’t there. I’d have difficulty with that.

As a child I had blind faith in my parents and their decisions because I was not informed in all it takes to raise a kid. I think that’s really the only way such a relationship could work. IMO

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
9:32 am

Kym she asked “Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?”

Yes there is if you accept them as working. Everything is not for everybody. It’s that simple. If your way is not the traditional way then no it will not work. But for those that do desire such, accepting the way is the way to make it work.

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
9:40 am

I just think it’s a worthwhile discussion in our modern times because it relates to the traditions that many of us have abandoned. Do you think there is a way to make some of these traditions work in today’s society?

First off I would ask why were some of these traditions abandoned in the first place? Economic times and other societal ramifications (i.e.war,jail,gangs) have caused a shift in the number/amount of males who are able to take care of their families. As a result, women had to enter the work force and support(or help support) their families. This began with the first World War when the men were fighting the women had to go to factories to help make war heads and tanks and ish.

This new found freedom and independence was great for alot of women who didn’t want to go back to the status quo when their men returned(if they did at all). So with that shift in the male demographic more and more women found themselves being the bread winner, mother/father and head of the household. Some were able to retain the values of olde but not all and African American women are disproportionately affected.

Ladies, have you ever found that silence (not the same as the cold shoulder) is a great way to handle relationship problems? Is it about picking your battles so that when you do speak on an issue, your man actually pays attention because you haven’t nagged and argued about every other little thing?

No, no and hell no. My father was/is the biggest a**hole I know and my mother suffered in silence for a long time b/c she wanted us to grow up with our father b/c she did not with hers. We all suffered and I refuse to endure that again. We can speak on issues TACTFULLY instead of nagging OR we can CHOOSE to PICK our battles if that suits your taste. It can be done.

NY2GA, Inc.

May 12th, 2009
9:40 am

Don’t suffer in silence. Pick your battles.

Wise, since this is guest bloggers week…Was Ms. Alexxys Taylor (sp?) was on your list of invitees? Bump Maryann, that sister would set the blog ablaze ;)

Professor

May 12th, 2009
9:42 am

I forgot to add that if you are trying to manage or control your relationship through silence, both partners must be on the same accord with this method. IMO both parties need to know that the compromise is there—so there is respect and appreciation for the silence. In my experience this did not always happen.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
9:42 am

Hello folks.

On topic: I don’t think that she’s referring to not being able to speak in a relationship but controlling what you speak about. Sure, you’re grown and can say whatever you like but is that the best thing for the relationship? What if the guy does the same thing, you have 2 folks just yapping at each other with a whole lot of unsolved problems.

First, if you choose your mate wisely your MAJOR goals in life should match up. Family, finances, faith, etc. That leaves your secondary goals as a possible conflict but if you can communicate correctly then those will be minor and temporary.

If I had only 2 women to choose from and one would cheat and the other would say whatever came to her head I’d take the cheater and kiss her on the forehead. She may cheat twice a week but that chick that cant control her thoughts and therfore her tongue is gonna wear me out every day. I cant even rest my head.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
9:43 am

@Raqi sorry but I don’t exactly follow you or the guest blogger. Your post sounds like you will be passing out black veils and hoops skirts along with “special kool-aid” to those who wish to follow “the way”. I mean we can make this a poker game. I see your traditional family mom and dad. And raise you a molester for a father, a whoring pastor, and a wife beater. You can see that and raise me a unwed welfare mother and a homeless kid. I mean we can go back and forth all day.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
9:47 am

And Kym the professional position a woman holds has nothing to do with the level of her submission. I am very close friends with a doctor and she a submissive wife. Her husband is her king after Christ.

I have noticed that submissive is usually always subverted by the statements of “women have better opportunities than back”. It has nothing to do with a woman’s opportunities but more to do with the role she accepts in her relationship.

To say that the only reason women of old held their husbands has head is because they could not do for themselves is IMO a bit degrading to those women.

That is the spark that keeps the “I got my own shyt I don’t need a man” fire burning.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
9:54 am

The one true fact about anything in life, just like the one who don’t want it looks for ways that it will not work, the ones who do want it find the ways that it will. That’s a given in everything.

Kym

May 12th, 2009
9:55 am

Sorry has pregnancy affected your vision Raqi because I didnt say that women didn’t hold their husbands as hea because they could not do for themselves. I said they didn’t have opportunity. Honey you lived a damn sheltered life if you think women black or white could just get up and choose a career and family. My aunt is 73 years old, from rural South GA and has a love of medicine. Even now she reads everything that has to do with health and medicine. She would have made an extraordinary doctor. However 50 plus years ago do you think she was afforded the opportunity? NO, it was not acceptable or a given. She has told me time and time again the only way a kid for that area of GA was getting to college is if their parents had money or they knew somebody. And if you were a woman all bets were off. So this has nothing to do with I don’t need a man, matter fact unless I say that shyt please don’t read a damn thang into what I post. You wanna know ask me. But right now you are assuming and yeah I take that shyt real personal.

abc

May 12th, 2009
9:57 am

It’s like it’s just typed in without regard for what it says.

First be submissive and call that traditional, never mind that ‘a wife should submit to her husband’ has absolutely nothing to do with dominance and submission, and pertains to marriage, not shack jobs, boyfriends and girlfriends.

Then, sign up for instructions on how to become an ‘Alpha Female’, i.e., dominant, assertive, dates as many males as she wants, usually sarcastic because she’s powerful and playful (from the Urban Dictionary — I presume that to be an accurate lexicon guide for Ms Reid, this topic and venue). Frankly, most of the chicks that post here suit that description already, seems to me.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
10:06 am

Lol @ NY@GA!

Fiery discussion this will be, today.

Kim – YOU ARE A FUNNY CHIC!!!

On topic: Giving someone the “silent treatment” is not good.

Anyone want to join me for a trip to Target and Trader Joe’s for lunch?

Kym

May 12th, 2009
10:07 am

Frankly I don’t Ms. Reid know a damn thang about submissive, because what she is calling submission is really about respect. And that is a two lane street. In order for a man to be the head and earn respect he has to walk in that manner. Truth has said it. For Real has said. Every man minus a few ducks has said it. In its purest form it is what we all seek and want. You give respect you get respect. give and take it is a two lane street. This is not about respect it is about manipulation and as Poppa G pointed out that is how the game is played. Difference is Ms. Reid is calling it submission to breed controversy because controversy sells. 19.95 all day. But frankly if a woman or man for that matter has trust and respect in their mate then it doesn’t matter what flashy/jazz name you attach to it to sell books and web advice..you will get trust and respect in return. I trust and respect him to do what is right to protect this family unit. He trust and respect I will do my part to keep this family unit running. Hell you can get this advice for free.

kimmie

May 12th, 2009
10:09 am

Sister Cee – I wanna go!

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
10:11 am

Kym I am not assuming you to say anything. But yet I still don’t see where a woman’s opportunities have anything to do with her choosing to be a submissive wife or succumb to a traditional relationship. It always goes back to that.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
10:12 am

Good Morning all…
“In your experience, do you respond to the “path of least resistance” in a relationship? Are you intrigued by women who use silence as an actual form of communication and submission?”

I unfortunately have a different prosective on this issue. My ex-wife used to use silence as a weapon, even more than the “cutting me off” weapon. She would not say a word for days, and it had nothing to do with submission, it was about knowing what would push my buttons… the silent treatment. She still does that same thing to our daughter and has no clue what damage she will ultimately do to her relationship with our daughter. I hate the silent treatment, because their is no good way to fight back. In a relationship, lay the truth on me, and I will deal with it, one way or the other.

Submission, in a relationship, should be out of respect for the other party, whether it is the man or the woman…and should be done out of a desire to demonstrate to the other party that he/she is valued and important.

Professor

May 12th, 2009
10:14 am

@Truth- I agree about the yapping all of the time. I really believe in my heart that both parties must be on the same page at the same time to truly get it! The whole silence thing is usually taken out of context and most people feel that they are not being heard. Heck, most of the time, what people are trying to be heard on really does not matter in the big scheme of things. So being the woman that I am I want the important stuff heard and I save the yapping for other occasions i.e. spades, blogs and hanging with friends while I sip on my sangria.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 12th, 2009
10:15 am

Truth – I agree with your post. I am not argumetative but I do believe in communicating if I have a problem with something. My ex however was a head-to-mouth person, meaning whatever he thought came out of his mouth. Maybe if we were alike in that area, that wouldnt have a been a problem. However while I chose to pick-n-choose my battles, everything was a battle and had to be discussed with him. Everything aint that serious. Its like Professor stated in part of his post “both partners must be on the same accord with this method”

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
10:16 am

Bump Maryann, that sister would set the blog ablaze

Is she gonna be here all week or today only?……

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 12th, 2009
10:17 am

Sorry Professor, I meant to say her, not his in my post!

And morning everyone!

Kym

May 12th, 2009
10:17 am

And I didn’t say a woman could not do both. But for whatever the reason some women are choosing not to do it. And they have the right to choose. It is not a bad choice because they don’t walk in “the way”. And you seem to be under the impression that “the way” is the only way. Everythang ain’t for everbody and what worked in the past is not working now. There has to be a level of acceptance that relationships are and have evolved.

SexyCool

May 12th, 2009
10:18 am

I’m a talker. Sometimes, I talk too much. I believe that there is often wisdom in holding my tongue.

My tendency to want to talk it over comes out of my impatience. I am learning that sometimes if I hold my peace some issues will resolve themselves.

I am not advocating avoidance or being a doormat. Sometimes, it really is okay to just shutdahellup.

Three Words Daily – Peace. Be still.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
10:18 am

Kimmie – How come i knew you’d be down? I need to replace my Almond Butter i have for snack while working. I need certain snacks for survive this job. Do you have any blog friend emails?

I am leaving here, for the Roswell loca. at 11:30.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
10:22 am

Another small comment about the last two days. The dynamics of the whole “submissive” issue changes if one is talking about casual dating, or a long term relationship, or marriage. The goals and objectives are radically different under each scenario. What I would do/provide/accept under each varies greatly.

kimmie

May 12th, 2009
10:30 am

Kym – I feel your 10:07

Yesterday some touched on the point that a woman being submissive(in the way it is meant to be) and the man being the head or leader is something that is “natural” and the natural order of things. Things seem to fall into place when this natural order is respected. I think AA women get such a horrible rap all the time. We are blamed for all of society’s woes. Never mind that “our” men have had to face challenges like that of no other men. Some of their own making, but a lot stemming from the number this country has played on them. It has succeeded in destoying the AA family. We read from Truth about the expectations on men in the culture he is living amoung in the Middle East. There are similiar expectations of men in other cultures around the world. These expectations are what the women and children of these cultures can depend on. AA women are not even put up as a standard of beauty among our society as a whole and not to a lot of AA men in general. As a result, AA women have had to find a way to adapt to an “unnatural” situation, thus the “I don’t need a man” syndrome among a lot of them. A lot of negetive behaviors have to be unlearned by both sides. I absolutely cringe when I hear the constant putdowns of my AA sisters. Excuse me Asian, Hispanic, European, etc sisters, but you don’t face a lot of the challenges we do with our men and if you did, I’d like to see how you would handle them.

I’m sure a lot on here may not agree with me, but I felt the need to express my thoughts on the matter.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
10:30 am

Randy I agree with you and abc both, however although it may not be suitable for full practice before the nups it has to be an existing mindset. While you can learn to grow into something, some things you cannot just turn on and off like a light switch.

SexyCool

May 12th, 2009
10:32 am

I should have said that as a talker I am LEARNING that there is wisdom in holding my tongue – and this doesn’t just apply to my personal relationships.

kimmie

May 12th, 2009
10:35 am

Sister Cee – I love that Roswell location and I would seriously meet you today if I did not have 2 meetings to go to. Let’s definitely plan on it another day though!

I am going to figure out a way to get you my email address so we can communicate!

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
10:36 am

The woman sets the emotional tone of the relationship. If her head is hectic then your relationship is hectic. There is no way around it. At least MOST dudes that dont know jack at least know how to shut up, except for your old bf Prof.

Thing is most people that have alot to say or feel some kinda way usually aren’t producing good results. Good results take a certain mindset. Either you have that mindset or not. If you’d rather pace all day waiting for your mate to get home so you can tell them about something that happened because you have the right to say what you want you’ve done two thing 1) wasted a day of your life that you’ll never get back 2) reinforced a weak trait that has no place in a relationship.

Kym, I gotta disagree with you on this one. The cat thats grinding it out for his fam has submitted to that fam. He’s placed their welfare above his own, though he does get some satisfaction from doing what he feels must be done. Most cats grinding like that dont complain that much because they’re mind is on the mission. Same with the chicks that ground it out in the day. You remember the ones that held down 2 jobs to get what they needed. I remember those women and from my memory they rarely said alot because they were to busy doing. If you’d like carte blanche to say whatever you like whenever you like I’d recommend singledom, which isnt necessarily a bad thing.

Cry wolf to often and nobody listens anymore. Peace in your home is in your hands, feel free to say whatever you like but remember the reverberations come back to you.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 12th, 2009
10:38 am

On a lighter note for a moment…

Speaking of “cutting me off”…I liked what Rodney Dangerfield said about his wife. He said, “I get no respect from my wife, she has decided to cut me down to once a month. But it could be worse, I know seven guys she cut out completely”.

He also said “I have a pact with his wife that we always smoke after sex. I’ve been carrying around the same pack around since 1978, and she is now up to three packs a day”.

I thought I would throw that in (probably should throw it back out again).

Beautiful

May 12th, 2009
10:38 am

morning good ppl!

**Her silence contributes to a sense of security and safety in the relationship**

s/s is what i once had and look forward to it again. this is prolly #1 on our list of must haves if nothing else.

MELO

May 12th, 2009
10:40 am

This is a simple issue but i see some of u chics have mental blocs.So u cant grasp the simple issue.
The first thing u do is choose the right partner.Dont ask me how u do that.Thats elemntary.
Now when u have him,u know u luv him and u trust him.Submission will come easily thereafter.
I will give u a practical example:
U know how u women luv to talk.U yep yep all the time.If u are in a relationship right now and live with a man, u know what i mean! Be4 the man has put his thoghts tgether about what he needs to do to finish that project,u already yep yepping,”oh,u know Shaquita and them did this,so why dont we do the same???” :grin: Ur man is like”"this heifer dont stop talking,shes already giving me commands on what i need to do”"!! U see where iam going with this folks??
Now if u trust ur man,luv him,u going to let him do his thing coz u know hes going to get this thing right.Thats the submission shes talking about.Truth said it,u got to be in the right relationship,not the experimental one!! When u are,u luv, trust and submit coz ur man will do the right thing by u for u,tgether and for ur family.
Stop evoking ur memories with ur ex-trife pudsy snatchers ladies!!!
A prffosnal woman can be submissive too,to another proffsnal man!! Whats so special with being a proffsnal woman?? If she dont wanna be married thats a different matter.
This aint hard at all.
Like i said yesterday,if sme of these chics wanna grow dyckks,they shld go ahead and do so. :lol:
Mrning folks!!!!

Kym

May 12th, 2009
10:49 am

Truth considering I have made several points today where exactly is your disagreement. I stated that a person has to pick their battles.. know the difference between molehills and mountains and no one one should have to suffer in silence because it will make someone else uncomfortable. If I am uncomfortable with a family situation, then we are all going to be uncomfortable. Suffering in silence leads to mental illness. Examples:

Toliet seat up-molehill
Loss of job and not telling your spouse and family until it is too late-mountain

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 12th, 2009
10:49 am

AA women are not even put up as a standard of beauty among our society as a whole and not to a lot of AA men in general. As a result, AA women have had to find a way to adapt to an “unnatural” situation, thus the “I don’t need a man” syndrome among a lot of them. A lot of negetive behaviors have to be unlearned by both sides.

Kimmie your 10:30 was definitely on point and coincides with my 9:40. I think/feel that AA women do get a bad rep.(although some of it may be warranted) for having to assume responsibilities that some women of other cultures traditionally don’t have to. Of course there are exceptions to this but I’m speaking in general terms. There are ALOT of things that may indeed have to be “unlearned” but first the reasons these behaviors were learned in the first place must be addressed….I think it came out of neccessity and survival. I’ve seen how men of other cultures treat their women and I would love it if more AA men adopted the same thing. They’re out there but we just need to increase the numbers.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
10:50 am

LOL abc I totally overlooked that line about the free crash course.

Cemeeli

May 12th, 2009
10:56 am

When you “hold your mule” as my Grandma would say, about an issue, sometimes the issue subsides. But also, when something has been bothering you and that thing is in your heart and mind & you don’t address it properly, it’ll eat at chu’.

Why be constipated with a concern?

“I think AA women get such a horrible rap all the time. I absolutely cringe when I hear the constant putdowns of my AA sisters.”

Kimmie – One thing! –Division-

We as AA can be our sister’s negative factor.

Example: If she doesn’t run in the same circle = (“roll like me”), this mentality is very prominent in our community, moreso than Sisterly Love. We should adopt the concept of being opposite the “Wisteria Lane” = which is, “What she got going over there?”and that of “cliques” and “garbage recepticals”. We find reasons to say “oh-she’s a trip!” than how to lift and exalt our sisters. Go to an AA beauty shop, and just listen to the convo….99.9% is gossip, snide-r, and usually not prayerful.

Raqi...39 Days to ML

May 12th, 2009
10:58 am

I’ve seen how men of other cultures treat their women…

Let me ask you a question Sassy. Which is more important to you, getting the treatment or getting it from a particular man? In other words, would you forgo the treatment if you cannot get it from a certain type of man?

And yes I understand we all like who we like, AA, Latino, Asian, whatever. But I am just asking.

kimmie

May 12th, 2009
11:00 am

Thanks Sassy, I agree. Yeah, we AA sisters are not perfect, but goodness, give us a little break. Uncover the real reasons WHY.

We have GOT to get our families back!

kimmie

May 12th, 2009
11:04 am

Sister Cee – Yes, we need to treat EACH OTHER better, so we can face the world!

Beautiful

May 12th, 2009
11:08 am

**Now when u have him,u know u luv him and u trust him.Submission will come easily thereafter.**

bravo MELO!

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 12th, 2009
11:13 am

Kym, here’s plan c. This cat cares enough about you to not say something about his job loss until its assured. You know most companies today are tlaking about layoffs but why make your mate worry before its necessary. Now if he lost his job and doesn’t have a backup or funds to cover things and doesnt tell you then thats a whole different mindset and speaks more to what type of mate we chose.

Contrary to what you may believe about me I dont go around thumping my chest saying I am man hear me talk crap. I do what I do and look to see if that motivates you to do what you do. There’s really not much to talk about. If I provide you the things I can, which is all I can provide btw, and you don’t give me what you have then what more can I give you and what are we really talking about? How much less I’m going to lower my standards to make this thing work? Not. But me talking and wasting my time trying to convince you to give me something you obviously dont want to give is useless and will get my blood pressure up for sure.

My point is 90% of the things we talk about have no solution and just drain us. I’d rather talk about what we have planned, what our goals are, and how sweet its going to be when we reach them. Then we can make more plans and do it all over. LOL

I read an article a long time ago about how women train men to not come home. Now that I know many a cat that would rather shoot pool all night or work overtime than go home I can see that not many women read it. Like I said, YOU set the emotional tone of your home life. Run it like Shaquita if you want.

At some point we must get control of our own thought processes.

Beautiful

May 12th, 2009
11:13 am

yesterday i wore my mother’s day shirt my mom bought me to work. it had a pretty glitter design. by the time i got to work glitter was every damn where! lol. in my hair, on my face and arms, my purse, jacket.

i was told i could be the stripper for the day. lol.

y’all have a beautiful one!