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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

A Woman’s Discreet Power

I am so excited for the readers of Misadventures in Atlanta because this will be a week of guest bloggers! Don’t worry men, you will be well represented in the coming days, but ladies first.

Today’s featured guest blogger, Maryann Reid is an accomplished author who has written novels that many of you have read. You may also know her from the Marry Your Baby Daddy event that she produces each year.

She recently wrote about being a submissive woman to a young lady who was seeking advice. It really got my attention the way she broke things down. Thankfully, she agreed to have an excerpt featured here today. I would love to know what you think, so please weigh in with your comments!

Being a submissive woman is not about being in a weakened state, but being in a completely empowered state with full understanding of your feminine power. It’s about learning the most efficient ways to communicate issues for the benefit of yourself and others. This is not for every woman or every man.

Surprisingly, many men see this as a demand or are intimidated when a woman tells them she wants to be submissive. You can’t make a man accept your submission. If you want to work on your current man, you’ll have to give him time to develop his natural instincts. Women define men on an intimate and emotional level. Once a man knows what your expectations are, he can plan accordingly.

Very few men know how to appreciate a submissive woman without being mean and condescending. A man should feel worthy of your submission. Whether it’s the sidepiece you’re seeing now or not, choose a good man who values this behavior and doesn’t take it for granted. Dominant types are usually Alpha-males, masculine men who are very aware of a woman’s discreet power.

The best teacher is usually a partner who is naturally dominant in an instinctual way, not performed or forced. Many women believe that being submissive provides them a sense of safety. It is also a behavior many women choose to adopt. Even in life, when we accept things as they are or stop fighting against it, everything falls into place. It’s when we “give up” that we win. It’s not about being right or wrong anymore. There’s more power in silence, than there is in words.

362 comments Add your comment

LIONESS

May 11th, 2009
8:08 am

Good Morning All :)

Today will be VERY interesting!

AmazonRed™

May 11th, 2009
8:25 am

Morning all! Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend and that all the moms were pampered and loved extra hard. :)

There are no questions that go with today’s entry so I guess we should just be commenting on our feelings of the situation. As a traditional woman, I have no problems being submissive, but Maryann is right. Some guys don’t know how to treat one.

I once met this guy who asked me if I wanted a “submissive man!” My answer…”hell no, what the heck is THAT?!”

He scampered away quickly. :lol:

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
8:31 am

“Being a submissive woman is not about being in a weakened state”

“Even in life, when we accept things as they are or stop fighting against it, everything falls into place. It’s when we “give up” that we win.”

I love it, love it, love it. One of today’s biggest misconception is women thinking being submissive makes you weak. It is so the opposite. Most women do not understand the power she holds. And what many fail to realise if a man is going to try to belittle and enslave you he is going to do so no matter what stance you take. It not you submission that makes him do so, it is just who he is. Whether you are June Cleaver or Xena the Warrior if he is an azzhole, he is an azzhole.

I alway laugh within, and sometimes out loud, when I hear some women say they will not follow a man. Or allow him to lead. I choose to believe that those are the ones who do not know their own power. A man is so much easier to manuever handle when you “give in”.

LIONESS

May 11th, 2009
8:38 am

I LOVE a man that takes control :) So comforting!

Some of the comments on the writer page was.. SMDH!!

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
8:42 am

And what many women do not understand is men are so much more malleable in their natural state. Allow the right man what is rightfully his, leadership, and you will have a man that will give you the world. Unfortunately there are some true azzholes out there who will misuse and abuse their gift, but it’s the world we live in today.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 11th, 2009
8:54 am

Good afternoon folks. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing to do on my days off is shop and spend money. My course has been set. I’m going shopping again tonight.

On topic: I’ve only been spouting this for 2 years now. Chicks today are fighting in the wrong arena. They’re trying to prove how strong they are as if its a badge of honor. How can I provide for you when my biggest battle is at home with a chick that thinks she’s got nuts? Get in touch with that inner woman and then you’ll shine. That honking noise you hear is me hitting my horn telling you to get back into your lane.

Me and my boy were sitting in Chili’s (Yeah, we flew 13 hours to eat in a restaurant we could have visited in atlanta but thats another story) and he answered a thought of mine without me even asking. He said “these chicks are so soft”. They dont have all that fight and turmoil in them. They dont flaunt their feminity, they just are. I have a 25 yo kuwaiti friend and when we talk she’s amazed at how american women handle situations. She just cant comprehend living like something your not.

Goes back to my saying “if a chick knows the game she’s lost because it wasnt set up for her to win”. It usually takes many years of heartache for them to figure that out.

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
8:59 am

I don’t think I have ever told you all this but the biggest problems I have had in my marriage is when I am worrying about stuff and I don’t let him know about it. That really gets him angry. The first and only really big fight we had, he said “I guess you don’t f****** need me then” and he left. He came back the next morning but I realized then just how important it is to him to be the man and handle the matters. If not completely handle at least make aware that the matter exists.

I think the greatest challenge is being properly matched with your mate. There is a natural order of life.

Let me say this first, being submissive is not being ruled like a child.

The truth about me is I will not accept being ruled but I am submissive. I will not put up a fight to own the power for a man who steps correctly. I have come to learn that a man does not want to have to fight for power in his own home. Give in and he will to. Loss the power struggles and you both win.

AmazonRed™

May 11th, 2009
9:01 am

He said “these chicks are so soft”.

Yeah, the men led and the women followed.

AmazonRed™

May 11th, 2009
9:02 am

I will not accept being ruled but I am submissive. I will not put up a fight to own the power for a man who steps correctly. I have come to learn that a man does not want to have to fight for power in his own home.

This is spectacular. That’s really one of the keys to a lasting marriage.

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
9:03 am

I’ve only been spouting this for 2 years now.

Truth I think your biggest problem is in your delivery. Sometimes it is hard to get past the way you present matters to see what you are saying. I have read plenty of times where you state men are the head, but sometimes is did sound like you were saying women have no worth or voice in the relationship.

Ms Alld

May 11th, 2009
9:05 am

Good morning all :)
When I was younger I had issues with the word ’submissive’ but I agree with Raqi that was not knowing my own power. I was fighting against what should have been natural. I got it….I get it. I now embrace my submissiveness…I am Woman Hear my Feminie Roar :) ! It all fell into place with the right one who appreciates this in me.

LIONESS

May 11th, 2009
9:07 am

Question: What if a woman is involved with a man that isn’t good with money? Spends it frivilously?

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 11th, 2009
9:08 am

Raqi, you didnt have to say it. All women are submissive. Dominant female is an oxymoron. The only question is can they find a mate they feel comfortable submitting to. THat includes you Staceye. Quit fighting and admit you want to serve and please.

Kym

May 11th, 2009
9:10 am

Okay I am not sure I can be very objective in answering this topic. Frankly Wisey I am not a fan of the guest author. But that’s a whole other Oprah. I am glad she noted that everything is not for everybody. Because what she describes here to me reads more like manipulation and deceit rather than submission. But then again like I said I am not very objective of this author.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 11th, 2009
9:10 am

Lioness, he cant dominate her if that (being good with money) is important to her.

LIONESS

May 11th, 2009
9:14 am

Kym- Tell us how you really feel.. LOL

Truth- I agree!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 11th, 2009
9:14 am

Morning Folks!

This is a great topic and the writer is correct – submission is power.

Raqi I was talking to my guy about a hypothetical situation and I basically told him that if I handled it I wouldn’t tell him about it. He told me he would be upset and I didn’t understand why until your post – it would seem as if I didn’t need him. Now I know…

Lioness That’s a tricky one. If the guy isn’t good with money then I would hope that he’s open to working on that. If not, I couldn’t deal with him. My guy has stated on many times that if we were to get married, I would handle the money – before I even had to say anything. He compared how I handle my money with how he handles his and made that decision.

Ms Alld

May 11th, 2009
9:22 am

The only question is can they find a mate they feel comfortable submitting to. — I agree.

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
9:22 am

Because what she describes here to me reads more like manipulation and deceit rather than submission.

Kym how is it manipulation and deceit when it really is the natural order of life? The true man wants to take the lead but if you are fighting him for the power then he has no other choice but to fight back. Men are just naturally easier to deal with in their natural state. When he is not having to fight you he will be more open to leading you do.

WiseDiva we are going to have a chance to tell the men folk how they need to let us be our natural self to get the best out of us, right?

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 11th, 2009
9:23 am

Very few men know how to appreciate a submissive woman without being mean and condescending. A man should feel worthy of your submission

- rolling my eyes

@truth….i agree….i have a wealth of new data that i have aquired as of late…and boy the game is soooooooo funny now…i am winning at it..

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 11th, 2009
9:25 am

whats funny about this whole submission thing is that we submit to one another period..men submit to women and women to men…you cant lead without following sometimes…

LIONESS- Craving Corn Flakes

May 11th, 2009
9:26 am

Raqi-Preach!

Rell- You rolling your eyes? You are reading sort of like Angie this morning..

mytw♥cents

May 11th, 2009
9:28 am

I think the author has put a great spin on the concept…and what it comes down to is folks get caught up in their Expectations and Fears.

“Very few men know how to appreciate…” I think this is largely because there’s confusion by both men and women about what submission means. Therefore, if it doesn’t look exactly like what he expects up front, then a decision is made that she may be too strong willed, obstinate and say it with me – independent. In general, I think this takes place when women aren’t as men’s stereotypical expectations suggest she’ll be, (in their minds) she’s considered too hard to handle. But having an opinion, a few thoughts floating around in your head and choosing to vocalize them in the proper way does not negate your willingness to submit.

And the fear part comes in with the men who are more worried that she won’t let (I take an issue even with this phrase) him lead. This is a major epidemic. Rather than be concerned about what a woman will “let you” do, just start leading… odds are she’ll be willing to follow and trust that you’ve researched the route and prepared for roadblocks. But if you don’t seem to have confidence in your vision, how can she? This ties into the above concerns and that then comes down to your selection process men. Did you have one and if so, did you ignore the blaring signs that she much prefers to go against, than with the tide? Probably.

When in doubt, I sit still and go back to whatever my natural inclination was. Rarely does this fail me. And the mention of soft is funny, because there are so many things that people say to me and I just look at them and respond that I’m a soft woman… you can have that. If I have a husband and he has to fight more than one battle a day, home is where he should know he can pretty much win. Otherwise won’t he be too worn out to prevail in all out war?

Blow Me a.k.a Damsel in Distress

May 11th, 2009
9:32 am

Good Morning All!!

RAQI- Your post is right on point mama 8:31am…Although I do have more of an aggressive temperment..I can easily fall back when I am with a man that is take charge. It’s nothing more funnier than playing the damsel in distress…I think I got this thing all down now. lmao! Its definitely fun.

Like TRUTH says…..(dang I forgot how to bold!! Help me someone!! lol)

You do have to be at least 5% tougher than the woman you are with for this plan to fall through accurately. (Sadly to say some of the SANE things Truth has to say is TRUE!! Who would have ever known! lmao!)

Submission is the best thing..It’s truly the natural design of our roles. I will not have a problem following into place for a man that is deserving. When I play my role you will be forced to play yours! lol!

ARED….Yeah tell ole boy to clutch his damn purse and run for the hills…submissive man is bound to get ran over. lol! Submissive man…gtfoh. lmao! That’s funny…Lets talk about the men who don’t even KNOW they are submissive…I have an annoying good friend who I know it will never work with…He is a good guy on paper. But doesn’t have a back bone to the first. I think my nuts are bigger than his!! lol!

mytw♥cents

May 11th, 2009
9:33 am

WOW! I’ve given this lotsa thought. Oh well, we don’t PURPOSELY get on submission too often. Have a lovely one y’all!

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 11th, 2009
9:33 am

One of my closest buddies told me his wife wont let him be the man. I’m like how can she let you be the man? You either are or your not. By the hell she’s giving him he’s not. I thought it was bad in the beginning but its getting worse.

Lioness, the best way to dominate a chick is naturally be good at things that are very important to her. If home and finances are a big issue to her and you have that in order then thats alot of fights you dont have to have. Of course this all hinges on the cat having his shiznit together. If thats not happening then the whole thing is a bust. The dudes gotta have a plan and direction or there’s nowhere for you to go, except to lead, and thats not good.

Raqi, my delivery may need some polishing but the message is on point.

When some of the dudes come on I’d like to hear what their boys are telling them about their place in relationships. Then I’ll share mine.

AmazonRed™

May 11th, 2009
9:37 am

ARED….Yeah tell ole boy to clutch his damn purse and run for the hills…submissive man is bound to get ran over. lol!

LOL @ Blow. Yeah, had I been a different type of chick, I might have gotten over on dude. That “submissive” thing was just code for “have your way with me!”

LMAO @ Lioness!

Kym

May 11th, 2009
9:37 am

@Raqi why would I or any true woman want to entertain the notion of dealing with a man who is not even sure what his natural state(instinct) should be? Why am I as a woman charged with the job of turning or helping him tune into that natural state(instinct?

Look in nature bears know they are bears..they don’t need anyone to remind them that they are bears they behave as a bear should. That means they protect their young. Go to the river to catch fish and hibernate when it is time because it is instinct. Forest rangers are not out there gathering them up to make them go in when it is time.

So if a man is acting in that realm of the natural why should the actions or a woman or anyone else for that matter keep him from following his instincts?

Poppa Grande

May 11th, 2009
9:40 am

Kym

Because what she describes here to me reads more like manipulation and deceit

It is what it is. Manipulation and deceit are the ways that things get done. What is the whole “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” philosophy about. Manipulation at its purest form.

Dale Carnegie’s book “How to win friends and influence people” is basically a manual on manipulation. Lord knows that it has been shove down my throat.

The ultimate goal is getting someone to WANT to do something for you and those are the ways that they get done. As with many things in life, the delivery is probably most important.

Rell - hollerin @ benchs

May 11th, 2009
9:42 am

recently i have been told i am too controlling, dominate, want things my way….but i get all this noise and they still following the program…lol…so i guess its something to be said for showing your gonnads er now and then.lol

AmazonRed™

May 11th, 2009
9:43 am

Morning PG, glad you and Truth are on early today to give your viewpoints!

Cemeeli

May 11th, 2009
9:46 am

hello everyone…

On topic: Submissive? okay there are two sides to that coin. Me personally I’m not the subservient Queen, yet i will yield, and be compliant to my man’s leadership.

sigh….I really wouldn’t want it any other way. I can not operate as his lady properly, if he’s not leading properly. He’s gotta be well equipped and know who to steer us, first.

Off topic: Postal stamps went up .2 cents, gas went up .24 cents in the last week. And 3 large banks are repaying the government “bailout” money they recieved but didn’t need.

hmmm

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
9:47 am

And the fear part comes in with the men who are more worried that she won’t let (I take an issue even with this phrase) him lead.

TwoLincolns IMO all of that can be gauged while dating. It is not hard to recognize when someone is subjecting you to a bout of tug of war. If a man encounters a situation where the woman is forever pulling in the opposite direction he needs to let the rope go. If not he will find himself in a constant battle. Especially once they become a cohabiting couple.

Blow Me a.k.a Damsel in Distress

May 11th, 2009
9:48 am

Kym I think you went a little deep into thought on that. I see your point. But I think MEN and WOMEN both need to be reminded on what position and roles that they need to play. In today’s time things are alot different from hell just 20yrs ago…and roles have been forgotten…Hell even sweeped up under the rug. A nice reminder never hurts. I am not trying to do anything I was not intended to do..Let me stay in a role of woman.

Kym

May 11th, 2009
9:50 am

PoppaG I understand manipulation and deceit well. I understand it is all in the delivery. But as I stated above is all that really necessary if the man is really acting in what should be his natural instinct?

Cemeeli

May 11th, 2009
9:52 am

But having an opinion, a few thoughts floating around in your head and choosing to vocalize them in the proper way does not negate your willingness to submit.

the fear part comes in with the men who are more worried that she won’t let (I take an issue even with this phrase) him lead.

mytwosense You know what? Let’s just circle back to everyone understanding and doing, his or her role, then we wouldn’t have the stated problem.

Cemeeli

May 11th, 2009
9:54 am

What MAN says, “she wont let me lead” that’s a true leader?

Kym

May 11th, 2009
9:59 am

@Blow and I think the problem is that this author swims in the kiddie pool anyway. (AGAIN)-I can’t be very objective. No it is not that deep. If He walks like a man, acts like a man, behaves in the natural like a man, then all this other crap is out the window. If walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, but looks like a man, then he needs to man lesson. Because he is off balance. You know I get grief all the time because men folks say and woman can’t teach a boy how to be a man..I get that. My son has natural instincts that despite his Cancer/Crab mother’s best efforts the Ram/Aries child is not turning off. Now if I plan to raise a man should I put him in the pond with other duck-men so he can be as lost as they are. Other should I nurture him so that those natural instincts are allowed to grow?

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 11th, 2009
10:00 am

There is another side to this thing. The man must be equipped to do his job. In this country EVERYBODY insures that the young men are capable of caring for the next generation. A cat here that cant cover his own goes on the bottom. There are alot of family businesses and the youngins are put into into positions and see daily dudes carrying the load. The women here dont get out of place for a number of reasons, not all good.

This is where the abscence of fathers in the black community is killing us. A cats gotta learn how to be a man from a man and thats on a day to day basis. There are a million little things that only a man can tell you, and the way he says it. Thats why when I hear these chicks saying they’re going to have children without men i shake my head. There goes another kid starting off life 10 paces off the lead. At least the mother doesnt have to be lonely though.

Poppa, my sentiments exactly. Maniplation is life. Whats better than getting someone to cosign and act on your beliefs. Sounds like a plan to me. LOL

Kym, lmao at the bears.

Blow, its 1/16th tougher than your mate but the principle is the same. Soft kisses to you anyway.

Kym

May 11th, 2009
10:01 am

ohh and allow him to walk with real men? Forgot that part.

SexyCool

May 11th, 2009
10:02 am

Most of the 5th paragraph confused the helloutta me. The last line, however, was quite logical.

Three Words Daily – Live long. Prosper.

Wise Diva

May 11th, 2009
10:03 am

Hey everyone, I’m glad I could get someone to cover the submission concept, ya’ll know I struggle with this one, LOL! I am enjoying the comments so far, keep them coming!

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
10:04 am

Poppa I don’t see it as manipulation or deceit. If it has to be manipulated it is not natural and a true sign that something is wrong.

Saturday Mason was asking me about how babies development and are born. I was explaining to him that in the development things happen naturally. They turn naturally in the womb. While they are being born they are naturally positioned into the birth canal to make the exit. It is not taught it is natural. I think the same for goes for many things in life and relationships.

No one told you when it was time to start liking girls did they? No. It happened in its own time. No manipulation necessary.

Now when you throw in manipulation and deceit something is being forced that is not natural. And probably not meant to be.

Kym

May 11th, 2009
10:11 am

@Truth I was talking with a “duck” because I said I want my son to get a job next year for the summer-he will be 14. They asked me why? I said because I think it is important for a young man to work and earn his own money. You appreciate it more. The duck told me that it was a bad idea because it would take his focus off his studies. He should play a sport. I said well he can do both. He also told me it was bad for him to learn to cook too. This is the thinking of a duck. Now which is best a duck..quacking at his mother for 5.00 for the movies or a man who says mom how about I take you to the movies with my money?

Blow Me a.k.a Damsel in Distress

May 11th, 2009
10:11 am

RAQI…You killing it today. I agree…I am all ears for you today. Loving 10:04

Raqi

May 11th, 2009
10:13 am

A cat here that cant cover his own goes on the bottom

It’s survival Truth. The natural act of survival and security indicates survival. Anyone who pays attention can learn that from animals.

Leggs

May 11th, 2009
10:14 am

Good morning everyone!

When you’re with the right man, and he is being the man, the leader, the handler of most things it is only natural that a woman would “submit.” It’s what women do. The funny part is you don’t even realize you’re doing it because it’s so natural.

Professor

May 11th, 2009
10:16 am

Hello All:

This is a great topic…I think I will come back later to post.

Raqi, you have really made some good points on this topic- too many to list!

FEE

May 11th, 2009
10:20 am

Hello ALL…

I came in late and do not have the time to read all the comments. But what I will say is “Submissive” to me is another way of just saying respecting the individual for their place in the relationship.

Its about “staying in your lane”.

But their have to be a disclaimer first. Know the driver, and who he submits himself to before you place yourself in the submissive position.

Poppa Grande

May 11th, 2009
10:21 am

Kym

But as I stated above is all that really necessary if the man is really acting in what should be his natural instinct?

It depends. (How about that for a real legal answer for ya.?)

What is that natural instinct?

That goes to knowing your mate. Not all dudes are the same.

It makes finding a mate in which you are equally yolked extremely important.

My granddad always said that a woman will only enhance what a man already is. If the man is a whiner, he will just be a better whiner. If he is provider, he will improve that. If a man, has never really been a relationship (not just knocking up or knocking out females left and right), he has to learn about himself as well.

This is why respect is so important to a man. She is willing to let him be what he is, and support him. Learning is a life long process. Learning yourself as part of a couple uses different skills than learning yourself as a single person. How you interact with that person and what brings the best out of the two of you as a couple are things that I dealt with. (That is, if wanted us to be together). I think that it ultimately leads to Raqi’s saying “Obey the marriage”.

I think that is what this topic really speak to.