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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Keep It Real

I received an email from a reader who has a little dilemma. She says that she has not been “authentic” with her man when it comes to the bedroom stuff. She pretends to be inexperienced and lately she has been pulling a “Meg Ryan” and faking it. (I don’t think Meg Ryan will ever live down that diner scene!).

Since the relationship is pretty serious now, she wants to be more honest with her man. She is concerned about his reaction to the truth: there are times when she has her own tricks that she wants to try. There are also times when she is too tired and doesn’t have the energy.

So how do you keep it real with your mate in the bedroom? Do you prefer full disclosure, tell me every thing approach? Do you want things to be said in the moment or while you two are at brunch?

Guys, do you want your women to be real in the bedroom or are you perfectly fine with the fake out? Ladies, do you find it hard to keep it real with your man when it comes to things like this?

Happy Friday  & Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers!!

365 comments Add your comment

Ms Alld

May 8th, 2009
8:39 am

Good morning all – Happy Friday :)

Disclosure is the best route to go. Full disclosure now may make him wonder what else she has been keeping from him and why the need to be dishonest or not forthcoming. She would probably be better off to just start introducing ‘her own tricks’. She could let him know that she wants to try new things, experiment a little.

AmazonRed™

May 8th, 2009
8:44 am

She pretends to be inexperienced and lately she has been pulling a “Meg Ryan” and faking it.

:???: *sigh* What a way to kick off a Friday!

Happy Friday everyone!

Professor

May 8th, 2009
8:51 am

Happy Friday!

I am not sure about this one. I think I will concur with Ms. Alld.

She should call herself the “Magician” and just start doing her tricks, heck maybe she should role play and dress like one that night.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 8th, 2009
8:56 am

Morning WD and Bloggers…

I think the best policy is not to lie but not to reveal enough to hang yourself with. I am not proud of what I am about to say, but for me it is probably a good idea for a woman to not reveal numbers, dates, etc. The less I know probably the better. There is a reason for the use of the expression “No Comment”. Just keep saying in as many ways as possible, “what is in the past is in the past. I am with you now and that is all that is important”. I would like to pretend that I can blow off a woman’s history, but in some sort of perverse way, it is information I kind of want to know, but don’t want (or can’t handle) the answer to.

All of us have some “history” but it is a reality that most men, when looking for a long term partner probably do have a double standard. They want a woman with “talent” but not necessarily “experience”. So I would suggest that it is better to perhaps have the lady subtly suggest in the midst of an encounter, what she would like her partner to do…”Baby, you are so good to me…would you maybe help me with a fantasy of mine…would you touch me like this, I just want to know what it feels like…would you…”

Most men really want to please their women, to take them as high as they can. The trick is to convey to them what you really would like to try, but not necessarily tell them that you already know what it can feel like because that was how (fill in the blank) did it.

i'm swiss

May 8th, 2009
9:03 am

“She pretends to be inexperienced… Since the relationship is pretty serious now, she wants to be more honest with her man”

I think that pretty much sums up the problem in this particular case. Just be yourself from the beginning & you wouldn’t have to worry about what coming clean about not cumming would do to the relationship.

Personally, I’m all for real-time, full disclosure. If what I’m doing isn’t working for you, let me know & I’ll do whatever will do it for you. It’s nothing to get offended about — different girls like very different things. And I do know more than one trick…

i'm swiss

May 8th, 2009
9:14 am

Now having said that, Randyt makes a very good point: The way ladies convey their desires is critical. That whole “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to do ______” approach is probably best. Infinitely better than “I want you to hit it like RayRay used to…” :lol:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 8th, 2009
9:21 am

@I’m swiss…Yup. In most communications in this world, it is not what you say but how you package it that counts.

lurker

May 8th, 2009
9:24 am

Infinitely better than “I want you to hit it like RayRay used to…”

LOL

abc

May 8th, 2009
9:25 am

I’ve always thought that women’s theatrics in bed were a bit of a conundrum.

Why pretend? Frankly, a man that’s in the throes is quite a bit less concerned with whether you’re getting yours that you evidently think. Once the game is on and the tempo picks up, it’s not up to the man to give you yours, it’s up to you to get it for yourself. If you were intent on getting it for yourself, you’d not be faking it.

If you want something and you don’t make it known, whose responsibility is that?

Tips and tricks? Well, that’s just stupid. Everyone should be able to shed their inhibitions and just go for it, whatever it is, with spontaneity. There’s no need to follow a playbook, or script of what you’ve enjoyed in the past.

And, if you don’t feel like it, just say so. Few men want to wrestle with an unwilling partner.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 8th, 2009
9:27 am

“And, if you don’t feel like it, just say so. Few men want to wrestle with an unwilling partner.”

More true than most women can imagine. VERY good point.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 8th, 2009
9:27 am

@LADIES
this is a friendly reminder that if you haven’t visited your doctor yet this year for your yearly exam . . . make an appointment today! i have an appointment this morning. why is it so hard to find a female doctor?

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 8th, 2009
9:27 am

Mornting blog fam….we made it to another Friday!! :)

She is concerned about his reaction to the truth: there are times when she has her own tricks that she wants to try. There are also times when she is too tired and doesn’t have the energy….So how do you keep it real with your mate in the bedroom? Do you prefer full disclosure, tell me every thing approach? Do you want things to be said in the moment or while you two are at brunch?

Communication between a couple in a relationship is key and vital be it in the kitchen, at the dinner table and ESPECIALLY in the boudoire. Too often we don’t cummunicate what we want and need some of us just expect our mates to “just know” and that’s not fair to either party involved. If there is something that I can do to for my man(if I had one)to make his toes curl up extra tight then let’s talk about it….and yes it could be in the heat of the moment or over brunch. However, if we’re gonna need some new accoutrement then I definitely need to know in advance cause some surprises I don’t like.

No need to fake it with me…If there is something I want(pin me up against the wall,pull my hair and spank my azz daddy) then I’ll for sure let him know. Shyt we grown…run it :)

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 8th, 2009
9:29 am

@LURKER
my moniker is a line from the best romantic movie ever made BROWN SUGAR!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 8th, 2009
9:33 am

**If there is something I want(pin me up against the wall,pull my hair and spank my azz daddy) then I’ll for sure let him know. Shyt we grown…run it**

yep!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 8th, 2009
9:41 am

Morning Folks!

Honesty is definitely the best policy, but it’s too late for that now. I suggest that she spring her tricks on her man in small increments. Perhaps that will help her get hers and he may like it. When she doesn’t want to do the do – then she needs to tell him.

I never understood the concept of faking it – why? Is it to stroke the man’s ego? If so, that’s like those bad parents that tell their child they can sing all their youth and then the child ends up making a fool of themself on American Idol or something like that. Is it because you want him to hurry up and get finished? I would think in a mature relationship you can tell your partner ‘you know what, you might as well go ahead and get yours because I don’t think I’m getting mine tonight.’

Happy Friday all!

Raqi

May 8th, 2009
9:41 am

Verbalize what it is you want. To fake it is only cheating yourself.

JtJ

May 8th, 2009
10:04 am

Morning All,

I am pissed at my man…..

BLOG LADIES……WHO’S HANGING OUT THIS WEEKEND?????

PEOPLE’S PAST ALWAYS COMES BACK TO BITE THEM IN THE AZZ!

MELO

May 8th, 2009
10:05 am

Morning All!!
happy friday…
but it is a reality that most men, when looking for a long term partner probably do have a double standard. They want a woman with “talent” but not necessarily “experience”

RandyT,u nailed it! The qstion u need to ask urself ladies is,is this long term relationship potential or its one of those will see types.
Code or the unsaid rules will always be around in the dating game and most men i know of view their machoism and sexx the same way Randy put it.
Nobody wants to wife a hoe,nobody and if the man ’s deduction/conclusion based on a females’ prowess is that she has been around,then shes no longer long term! Shes now a grab,smash and spill!
So ladies, if i were u, i wld take it slow.Let the man lead,act like an amateur(sp) and respond to Daddy’s probing gently and make it appear as if its HIM who is driver of your reaction(ur aaghhs and ohhhs!!):grin:
Every man wants his sexual ego strokked,EVERYBODY!
Ease ur way slowly into the bedroom culture untill such point that u are comfortable with him and he is loose and lucid enough to a point where u can offer ur long held and guarded hoe-secrets to him and he can accept them without making u appear like u are genuine proffessional(even tho u may be one).U will have won him over.
Now its ur time to shine sexxually and u free to use ur training at will.
But never everw put ur sexx prowess upfront to a guy unless long term is not in ur horizon.
That wld be a definite way to lose out longterm but a guarantee of short term explosive sexxual encounter.

JtJ

May 8th, 2009
10:07 am

More specific: WHO’S HANGING OUT ON SATURDAY NIGHT????

Cougar Hunter ( Professional spanker)

May 8th, 2009
10:08 am

A happy Friday to everyone!

Ladies and men please tell your mate what you like in the bedroom. I want to know unfront what you like and how you like it! I was great sex right off the rip! I am interested in hearing how you got the experience just tell me what gets you going because I want to see those eyes roll to the back of your head!

I want to see stream coming off of your body after multi-O’s! :smile:

By the way who came up with faking O’s? What is that? :evil:

Cougar Hunter ( Professional spanker)

May 8th, 2009
10:09 am

A special shout-out to DAN, CEE and Poppa Grande I see Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks can really deal with The King! :smile:

MELO

May 8th, 2009
10:09 am

JtJ MELO is?

Cougar Hunter ( Professional spanker)

May 8th, 2009
10:13 am

Oops let me retype the first sentence!

Ladies and gentlement please tell your matewhat your like in the bedroom! I would want to know upfront how you like it! I want great sex right off the rip! I am not interested in hearing how you came about your experience, just tell me what gets you going, because I want to see those eyes toll to the back of your head! :smile:

Have a great weekend everyone! :wink:

AmazonRed™

May 8th, 2009
10:14 am

JtJ – What did your boo do to pizz you off? Hope it blows over quickly.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 8th, 2009
10:18 am

“Infinitely better than “I want you to hit it like RayRay used to…” LMAOROTF

That is so funny and so very true…do not spell it out this way ladies, neva, neva, neva.

Poppa Grande

May 8th, 2009
10:24 am

Hunter

LOL I was under no illusions that they would win this series. I told my wife that the first game would be the Hawks only shot to win one in Cleveland b/c Cleveland had been off for so long. They hung in there until after half-time on Tuesday. However, I knew that game two was gonna be ugly because the rust would be off.

I didn’t even watch last nights game. I went out and watched Wolverine. I just finished law school exams for spring semester and want to get out without worrying about studying.

I definitely know that they are still better than they were a couple of years ago. But they still have a ways to go. Two years in a row, they end up in the bracket with the number 1 seed. They didn’t play well in Boston last year. They haven’t played well in Cleveland this year. I still put more blame on Billy Knight than Woodson. Knight kept drafting the same 6′9″ player. As a result, we got players such as Childress (who is know in Greece) instead of Luol Deng, Marvin Williams ( another 6′9″) instead of a Point Guard like Chris Paul or Deron Williams. When you have a team full of 3s and 4s, you have people playing out of position like Horford is. (He isn’t a Center, he is a power forward, but has to play Center because you have put someone there.)

lurker

May 8th, 2009
10:25 am

I’m always a bit inhibited initially…it takes a couple of rounds/sessions to get me revved. Once I find my comfort zone, I’M GOOD! Gotta reeeeally be comfortable to let my hair down.

LIONESS- I am Glad this hectic week is OVER!

May 8th, 2009
10:27 am

Good Morning :)

Was she playing like she only had 2 partners opposed to 80? How do act inexperienced in the sexual department? Does he have a small package?
Overall, faking an “o” is just playing yourself! What is the sense of sex when the two people participating aren’t pleased?

How doesn’t a man know when a woman has an orgasm????? He is the inexperienced one!

lurker

May 8th, 2009
10:27 am

That being with a new person….oh before anyone says anything crass or take it there, there’s only been a few….seriously

lurker

May 8th, 2009
10:29 am

Never felt the need to spead myself like country crock…lol

LIONESS- I am Glad this hectic week is OVER!

May 8th, 2009
10:30 am

Lurker- I agree! But I doubt you were acting inexperienced though..

-W8 (the new guy)

May 8th, 2009
10:34 am

As for me if I am comfortable enough to sleep with a woman I am comfortable enough to let everything go right out of the box…and I expect her to do the same…if she comes out the box a little slow either she has to get on the training plan or get gone…yup I said it…it’s Friday and I’m in a good mood. Wise words from my father “Son, treat every time like it’s your last time!”

Poppa Grande

May 8th, 2009
10:34 am

Lioness

How doesn’t a man know when a woman has an orgasm?????

Many men can tell when a woman is faking. In many of those cases, the man just doesn’t care as long as he get his. If she is willing to fake it, then getting it may not be as important to her as he getting his.

It goes back to Raqi’s comment that the woman is cheating herself.

Wise Diva

May 8th, 2009
10:36 am

LURKER is trying to kill me, LOL!!! I nearly choked on my Starbucks reading “spread myself like country crock” bwahahaha, best line ever, so going to use that one again, whew

AmazonRed™

May 8th, 2009
10:38 am

Was she playing like she only had 2 partners opposed to 80? How do act inexperienced in the sexual department?

Lioness, I know right? Does he whip it out and she acts like she hasn’t seen one before? Does she thump the “berries” and ask “what do they do??” :lol:

Especially if this reader is over 30, he’s going to assume you have some experience around the sausage without coming off as a porn star.

Heck, maybe she is a (former) porn star and acting is her thing.

I dunno, but it all seems foolish reading it in black and white. You can be reserved without being deceptive.

Cemeeli

May 8th, 2009
10:40 am

Auh!

Okay. Fakery in the bedroom with a man (your guy) is a blasphemy.

Just DONT do it!~

Leggs

May 8th, 2009
10:42 am

Good morning! I haven’t read one comment just the topic.

I will not fake it in the bedroom. My man will know all about the freakiness in me. Not necessarily just in the bedroom but by our conversations. Why fake it. What a waste of an emotion.

Do you want things to be said in the moment or while you two are at brunch? Sweet words said in the moment are good for the moment and carries more weight depending on the level of the relationship. Disclosure at brunch is fun and gets the mind working in imaginable ways!

LIONESS- I am Glad this hectic week is OVER!

May 8th, 2009
10:42 am

I knew this chick who told EVERYBODY that she was a virgin.. Come to find out, that chick was having sex for eons.. Wh*res! SMDH!

JtJ

May 8th, 2009
10:42 am

ARed I know ….sounds petty….but I wanted to believe he only got down like that with me…..now relating to today’s topic…his acts, muttered words, and durty talk sounds scripted………

I know he has a past just like me, but I never wanted to see any part of it!!!! DANG MAN!!

Cemeeli

May 8th, 2009
10:42 am

Happy Friday!

For Real

May 8th, 2009
10:44 am

What up Blog Fam!

I don’t know about anyone else but when I saw the topic I immediately thought about the Heartbreak Kid when Ben Stiller’s new wife told him to fugg her like a black man!

For Real now stretching Lurker’s hamstring to get her into her comfort zone.

LIONESS- I am Glad this hectic week is OVER!

May 8th, 2009
10:46 am

ARED- LMMFAO!!

Leggs- I agree!

Also, a man doesn’t mind having an experienced woman in the bedroom.. A boy will be all wrapped in “I wondered if Ray Ray taught her all this”..

My ex couldn’t get an orgasm out of me for NOTHING!! I didn’t fake it, I just helped him out :)

Wise Diva

May 8th, 2009
10:46 am

oh, and the email said that she “pretended” by telling the man that she hadn’t tried certain things before when she actually had, didn’t give specifics though.

Been Thru It All

May 8th, 2009
10:47 am

Sup blog folk…..

Me and my wife had a discussion about this very thing…She stated to me that you should gradually come into freakiness in the bedroom…I said that men start at 100 and dont let up until they can’t get it up…lol

Personally I don’t know…friend of mine says his wife is off the chain now(shes 38)…he told me she use to be so conservative, now shes a monster…he doesn’t now how to take it…she talks to my wife and told her that she feels more comfortable and relaxed now and wants to get lose…now he thinks she has been cheating and she thinks he will not be adventures…

Dan

May 8th, 2009
10:47 am

I’ve never really concerned myself with a woman’s “number”, in reality, who cares?

If she’s good at what she does and goes into an encounter with the desire to “get hers” that means more to me than how many people she’s slept with.

Wether it be 2 or 200,the time(s) we’re together and how we make each other feel is all I care about.

“talent” vs “exeperience”…man, please

MELO

May 8th, 2009
10:48 am

How doesn’t a man know when a woman has an orgasm?????

Cuttie,Poppa said it well too.
Only few times in our 12 or so yrs tgether have i eva asked Queen if she got has.I try to put on a good show,most of the time,from the preamble set up to the real fore untill the main game.I do my best to bring her juices out and to see if she bends her head down,lets her hair down and oozes with ooooghs and aaaaghs.But i neva follow thru with qstions like,did u come.Thats kinda amateaur(2x i said that)I assume,she got hers.And most times,she will just say, thank u daddy Thats the confirmation i need.
If u still early in the relationship, some days u will come out of it with a deficit, a BIG zero in orgasm.Charge it to the game.
The moment u say ‘oh,u neva hit me in the spot!,the man’s ego is proly deflated all the way after that.
It takes time for uall to find ur comfort zones.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 8th, 2009
10:48 am

*singing*

LIGHTS!!! SOMEBODIES GETTIN’ FIRED!

lmao. beyonce is wrong for dat.

LIONESS- I am Glad this hectic week is OVER!

May 8th, 2009
10:49 am

Wise- OHHHHHH!!

She was fronting like she never had back door action and she has and LOVES it! I could see her concern NOW **blank stare**

-W8 (the new guy)

May 8th, 2009
10:50 am

Hmm, I would want my woman to be real with me, tell me what she likes what she doesnt like. What Im doing right what I am doing wrong. I guess that I am comfortable enough with my manhood to handle whatever she me bring to the bedroom. In so many words I want my woman to be as freaky nasty as she can be in bed. I dont care what she did before me because obviously I am comfortable enough to date her, everyone has a past and I accepted that fully in dating here in the first place. Hell I will give props to the previous dude that “got her right”. Just keepin it 100%

AmazonRed™

May 8th, 2009
10:50 am

the email said that she “pretended” by telling the man that she hadn’t tried certain things before when she actually had,

So basically, she’s just a liar.

These are the ones that get boyfriends. :???: Go figure. :arrow: