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The Name Game

You take the ring, you take the name. This is the one sentence response I got when I asked an ex-boyfriend how he felt about me not changing my name if we married. I am a Daddy’s girl and he has no sons, so I used to believe that I owed it to Pops to keep the name. The Ex was not warming up to that idea, at all!

I received an email from a reader said that she has noticed the name game among her married friends lately: “Either their names have pretty much stayed the same or the hypenation has been in full-effect!”  She said that it was “surprising to her because so many ladies grew up doodling (and still sneak-a-doodle) the last name of our beloved crush after our first, just to see how it looks.”

She wrote, “I somehow doubt men give this much thought in their formative years, if at all.  Maybe it’s the mindset of the dreaded “Independent Woman” or those who have just gotten so used to solely identifying themselves by maiden name, they can’t go all in with totally disconnecting from it.  How did the married women who chose to keep or hyphenate their maiden names broach the topic?

How did the married men whose mates favored this option react?  Do single, marriage minded men perceive women who would want to do so in a negative way? Do single, marriage minded women perceive guys as insecure if they express discomfort with the idea?

For those married folks who went the traditional route, what influenced your decision?  And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Thanks to the reader for asking these great questions! What do you guys think? Are we still playing the name game in 2009?

460 comments Add your comment

Wise Diva

May 7th, 2009
8:26 am

Good morning, Happy Thursday!

LIONESS- Trees are Dangerous!

May 7th, 2009
8:35 am

Good Morning All :)

Will comment once I get to work

I - 85

May 7th, 2009
8:36 am

Name change is just like prenup, if you don’t feel comfortable changing the name then we just might as well not get married.

If you want to sign a prenup then lets just not get married, KISS – Keep It Simple & Stupid.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
8:44 am

Good Morning.

No influence, just tradition. It’s not that big of deal with me.“You take the ring. You take the name.”

Some do say that once you have established yourself in the mainstream as who you are, it is wise to keep the name that has become well know. I beg to differ in my opinion. And as it stands so does Monica Kaufman Pearson. For years she was Monica Kaufman on Channel 2. She got married and became Monica Pearson and has yet to skip a beat. I guess she figured if America still recognized her despite her many, many hair dos, she will get not less recognition by taking her new hubby’s name.

Had I desired to keep my former name, I could see where my husband would have a problem. As a woman who carried the name of a previous husband no man that I can think of would be okay with his new wife hanging on the old instead on taking on the new.

From what we read here there are many that are divorced and if you carry the name of the first it is only fair to take the name of the next and do away with past.

As far as kids are concerned the only way their last names would be changed is if their father was a missing in action deadbeat and wanted nothing to do with their kid. As it stands with me and my fam, my oldest has my previous last name because he was born while his father and I were married. My second was born with that same last name, but I gave in to his father and let him have his name.

I plan to never, ever take on another husband should something happen to the one I have now, so all this craziness ends right here.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
8:46 am

My father also has no sons to carry on his name. I love my Dad, but that is not my problem. His wife (my mom) took his name. I will take my husbands name.

Both of my sisters are married, and I was a little surprised at how quickly they dropped their maiden names. It’s weird being the only “Red” left.

When I marry, my maiden name will become my middle name (my mom did this too) and I will take my husband’s name. He will be my family now, and our children (if we have them) will have the same name of both of their parents.

I’m a traditionalist, so that’s just how it goes.

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
8:46 am

And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Absolutely NOT! A child’s last name should not be changed because of marriage or re-marriage.

That child has a father who is legally, financially, ethically, spiritually, morally, and emotionally obligated to him/her. How dare a woman take that from man! It is one most of selfish and “I want drama” decisions a single mother can make when she get married.

My nieces mother had us (my family) and her family d#mn near tag-team WWF in downtown Decatur’s courtroom last year over this b*ll-it!!!!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
8:49 am

there is no way i’m keeping my last name when i marry. i want to respect my husband and this is a great way to show him that i’m all in.

^5 I-85!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
8:49 am

Oh, and good morning everyone. Make it a great one. :D

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
8:53 am

i will show respect to the father of my child by having my child keep his last name. it was my decision to name him jr. *a surprise and a gift all wrapped in one*

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
8:55 am

I had a client whose last name was “Slutsky”… I might keep my maiden name in that instance. :lol:

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
8:55 am

there’s usually business behind a woman keeping her last name or using the hyphen.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
8:58 am

i bet dollars to donuts that the husband will feel hurt behind the wife’s decision to keep her name.

shame on her!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
8:59 am

i'm swiss

May 7th, 2009
9:02 am

“I had a client whose last name was “Slutsky”… I might keep my maiden name in that instance.”

ARed — I used to work with a guy who took his wife’s last name because his was so goofy. His original last name: Wiggles. :lol: Can’t say that I blame him.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:04 am

WiseDiva does your father feel the same as you do about you wanting to keep his name? Unless you have a child outside of marriage the name still stops at you. And even if you did have a child sans marriage, unless it’s a boy the name still stops at you. Your daughter could get married and take on her husband name. (I know you know this but I just felt like typing it out loud.)

Where my father comes from it is customary to have both the father’s and the mother’s last name, so a woman that marries gets to keep her former name. Any kids born into the union gets the paternal names from each side. It gets confusing IMO after a while.

When I got married this last time I dropped all my other family names and took on my hubby’s.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:06 am

A child’s last name should not be changed because of marriage or re-marriage

Amazon what if new hubby adopts the kids and paternal father is not in the picture?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
9:07 am

Swiss – Me either!

I think guys like that are probably open to alternatives. :lol:

The Mayor of Los Angeles mixed his last name with his wife’s to become “Villaraigosa.” His was born “Villar,” his wife naturally “Raigosa.” I think that’s kind of cool how they did that!

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
9:07 am

AmazonRed – Quick off topic question for you.

How would you want a man to approach you – say for instance in the mall or something like that – if he doesn’t know you at all and is acting on impulse because he thinks you are attractive?

What would you want him to say, like to first couple of lines that he spits to you?

You have impressed me with you’re posts’ about dating over the last few months, that why I’m asking you. Yes, its a compliment! Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:08 am

@RAQI
it’s funny how we’re —->here<—- this morning. i try not to read comments until after i post so it won’t sway me.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
9:08 am

A child’s last name should not be changed because of marriage or re-marriage

Raqi – I didn’t say that. I don’t even agree with that.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:13 am

Sorry I meant Atltwen.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:14 am

Beautiful reading someone’s elses opinion or stance should not sway you. Have your own opinion and belief’s.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
9:16 am

Atltwen Weren’t you out to get me a couple weeks ago cuz you think I said something unsavory to you? :lol:

Well, even still, thank for not holding it against me (cuz I wasn’t after you) and thank you for the compliment. :D

To answer your question…keep it simple. Just say hello and that you saw me and felt compelled to come and speak. Don’t say anything like “you’re a tall drink of water” (heard that on Tuesday) or anything suggestive. You can state the lady is attractive without being too specific (”I like the way you look in dem jeans! = a big no no).

I assume you already know things like this tho.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:16 am

lol. what? i do. that’s why i’m the odd one on here. lol.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:18 am

Beautiful may I ask you a friendly question?

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:19 am

no! lol. let’s stay on topic until after lunch.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
9:20 am

My opinion is that if a mom remarries and the father is an active participant in the kids lives and is interested in adopting them, the discussion should be had. If the bio dad is active and involved, the kids should keep his name. If the bio dad is a dead beat, he probably won’t care anyway except for foolish pride. Tell him he gets his way when he’s all caught up on child support payments and quality time. :lol: (only half joking)

Raqi, would you mind sharing why you gave your 2nd son the last name of a guy who wasn’t biologically his (your first husband)? That’s a new one.

Is the order Whitebread, Nature Guy, Mason?

Grace

May 7th, 2009
9:25 am

When I got married I didn’t take my husband’s last name. Now that I am no longer married and looking forward to getting married again someday I will take my husband’s last name. As for the children, since they are older I wouldn’t feel compelled to changing their last name, unless they were still a minor.

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
9:27 am

Raqi – what if new hubby adopts the kids and paternal father is not in the picture?

Still NO!! My nieces mother played that “not in the picture” card with my brother who went MIA for 2 years. However, he was totally here for first 12 years of their lives and was back in by the time she filed for legal name change.

Also, its bigger than than father; its his family as a whole. Meaning, my nieces were “Wright’s” not just as it related to there dad, but to me as an uncle and to their first cousin’s, great-aunts, grandmother and grandfather. Its a family system thing.

And most men wouldn’t dare adopt a step-child if the father is alive and working in some capacity! My father said on the witness to my niece’s mother, “If you want to give them your husbands last name so bad, why doesn’t he just adopt them then?” He couldn’t because he already got 4 kids by another woman to take care of, thats why! And he was less than man to let it happen!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:29 am

Well Imma ask anyway. You can answer after lunch. Why and how is it you are on a blog at 5:30 in the morning?

Don’t get me wrong, do you. But I am just sitting here thinking, I get up around 5:30 every morning, I shower, get dressed and make breakfast for my family. By the time I am done with all of that it is time for my to walk out the door, which is usually around 6:45. I get to work about 7am. I have usually worked about 1-1/2 hours by the time I pull this thing up.

I was wondering how you do it. Lords knows I couldn’t nor wouldn’t…at 5:30, 6:00, 6:30 or 7:00… Not until I have gotten more important things out of the way.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:29 am

i would only agree with women who are famous to keep their last names. their name is their bread and butter.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
9:34 am

And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

WOW,what a qstion DIVA!! :grin:
Even the Jerry Springer Show would come second to the possible drama.Change the kids last name upon marriage,go on like that for five years and then change back over to previous last name after divorce :lol:

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
9:38 am

AmazonRed – I assume you already know things like this tho.

Please don’t assume. I’m “choir boy”; and talking to ladies without having any previous interaction with me is scary and makes me very nervous. Really, haven’t done it before.

I saw a female in the mall in yesterday, I was dying to holla at, but I have no game, or one-liners, or confidence when it goes to that particular dating scenario.

Anyways, thanks a mill for the advise!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:41 am

@RAQI
sweetie, i multi-task. for one, i went to bed early and woke up at 3:00a when chewy decided to bark at a car driving by. when i wake up . . . that’s it, i’m up! two, my babies don’t need me in the morning anymore. they set their own alarm clocks, shower, dress and feed themselves every morning. three, trust me when i say that if i had a man here laying next to me, you would never read me before lunch or possibly never. four, i try to get my run in as early as possible. five, i cook dinner before i leave the house.

i love how i get under y’alls skin. (giggle)

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
9:45 am

@GRACE
what changed your mind? why did you decide to take your next husband’s last name?

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
9:46 am

I never have understood the significance in either direction on this issue. Am I proud to be “???”, yes, but could not care less about some kind of hereditary lineage for me or a partner (might be because all of my ancestors were more often horse thieves and bank robbers…am related to the outlaw Jesse James, actually) so no major sentiment.

On a similar note, I’ve been divorced for almost a decade and noticed recently that my ex still uses “Mrs. XXX” and my last name. I thought that was interesting in a clinical way, nothing more, because I wondered if she would eventually take back her maiden name. Truthfully though, I suspect it had more to do with the fact that our children have my name and she wanted to keep that intact. She had an interesting an uncommon maiden name, but they had skeletons in their closet too so it was never an issue at all.

So, WD…do what your heart says. If the guy isn’t man enough to take it, then that says something about him.

abc

May 7th, 2009
9:47 am

A woman who marries abc is Mrs. Abc, it goes with the gig. My first wife insisted that our son have her maiden name as his middle name, which I thought would bother him after he grew up, and it sort of does but not so much. It’s just an unusual middle name. I changed my name voluntarily to that of my stepfather, began using it when I was 12 and changed it legally when I was 21. It does create a rift in the family. My brothers, one of whom stayed with our father, and everyone else in the family no longer consider me part of the family, and since my stepfather was in the military and we moved around all the time, it’s like there’s no home town, either. It’s different from most people’s experience, but it suits me.

As a result, I don’t place a lot of importance on the whole family name thing, but anyone married to me will have to take my last name, which isn’t even my name by birth, but still.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
9:49 am

Morning All!

If I get married, I’m taking my husband’s last name. My father didn’t have any boys – as a matter of fact, neither did any of his siblings…all girls. But I have no loyalties to that last name. I wish my grandmother would have changed my last name to hers when she got legal guardianship of us, but she didn’t – if she had, I might take that name as my middle name….but I digress.

If I get married my name will change from Tazzee Mae Jenkins to Tazzee Mae Smith. Unfortunately the guy I’m dating now has the same last name as me…. So if we get married, I’ll remain Tazzee Mae Jenkins.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:51 am

Amazon because that was my last name at the time.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
9:55 am

Morning All!!

When I got married I dropped my maiden name altogether and just took hubby’s name. When I divorced I dropped his name and went back to my maiden name. Should I get married again, I am keeping my maiden name as my middle name or hyphenating it. My lil one keeps his father’s last name….no questions asked! Lil Mo has my maiden name as a middle name so we’re good! I am all for taking hubby’s name unless you are an only child or there are no brothers to carry the name or for business purposes.

Now I’ve been asked about a tattoo I have of my initals….the ones I was born with. I have had some dudes ask “what will you do when you get married, what if hubby as a problem” and my response is “he’ll get over it, my tattoo was there before him anyway”

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
9:58 am

lurker

May 7th, 2009
9:59 am

morning….I’m a traditionalist

lurker

May 7th, 2009
10:00 am

We have the potential for a crazy day

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
10:01 am

Side note…when one dates a lady who has had multiple marriages and has taken (or shaken off) the last names of her husbands, it can be a bit confusing. One finds oneself trying to remember what the lady’s maiden name is, what her current last name is, what her past last names were, why her children have different last names? Can get very confusing.

On another side note, many (most) Anglo-Saxon surnames were often derived from the profession of some long dead ancestor, like “Smith” from “Blacksmith”, etc. Certainly all of us have heard some strange, and often made fun of, last names. The one that has always fascinated me was a guy in college. His name was Bruce Pancake. Now how the hellz do you get a last name of Pancake? Did some ancestor sell pancakes for a living? Was there a town somewhere like Pancake, England? How do you get a name like Pancake?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:01 am

Amazon because that was my last name at the time

Doh! Duh! :lol: Thanks Raqi.

Atltwen, no problem. Good luck to you. Lines really don’t impress women anymore. Every once in a while, a good one comes along, but for the most part lines are lame. So just be yourself. :)

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:02 am

@MO
you brought up something very important. tats! what do you do when you divorce and have a tat of his name on your body?

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
10:02 am

Good morning everyone! I’m of the belief that if you marry, you take the husband’s name. Some traditions don’t need to change. I have no problem with those that hypenate. I never really liked my last name (Irish/German), but when I took my husband’s name I immediately missed it. When I got it back, I absolutely loved seeing it, writing it, hearing it. Go figure! My daughter’s friends still call me Mrs. XXX, and I don’t bother to correct them. It’s no biggie!

And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?” NO!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:03 am

i love how i get under y’alls skin.

Yeah, I hope that crazy isn’t contagious, so I am cautious!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
10:03 am

I’m just quirky. Oddly enough, when I got divorced, I kept my ex’s last name. The number one reason was that it’s a common last name. My maiden name is misspelled ALL THE TIME. The number two reason was that I didn’t want to go through the hassle of changing all of my identification BACK to my maiden name. And reason number three is that I really like my signature with THIS last name.

I was just thinking recently that WHEN I remarry that I was going to miss my signature because I like it so much. LOL!

There would be NO way that I could ask my future husband to let me keep my ex husband’s last name. (Although, my mom did it – has been married 15 years and still has her exhusbands last name. Long story.)

Three Words Daily – Smile. Just smile.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:05 am

I get to work about 7am. I have usually worked about 1-1/2 hours by the time I pull this thing up.

Raqi – And that’s why you have seniority in that piece! Cuz I shole am just getting out the bed at 7:30. Wishing for more sleep. :lol:

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
10:06 am

Speaking of quirks and yesterday’s topic….

I like french fry sandwiches.

I like black eyed peas with cucumbers.

I have to be under a blanket while watching television no matter what time of year it is.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:07 am

is keeping your ex-husband’s name after a divorce a wise decision? are you trying to hold on to something that is not there?

not directed at you SEXYCOOL. just a general question.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:08 am

AIR it’s more biblical. We will be one. One name less division.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:09 am

trust me when i say that if i had a man here laying next to me, you would never read me before lunch or possibly never

*AmazonRed is now steadfastly praying for a man for Angie*

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:10 am

I find it funny when people say that entertainers keep their names because it is famous. A lot of them aren’t even famous under their real names.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
10:11 am

@Atltwen ~ first and foremost you have to walk w/confidence. A woman can smell a frightened, timid man a mile away. Let go of the “choir boy” image you have of yourself and be a little more assertive. Since you don’t have one-liners (thank goodness), next time walk up and introduce yourself and ask her name. Perhaps she might have time to have a cup of coffe/tea with you. As ARed said, no comments on her body or how her clothes fit her and no comments on what you’d like to do to her if given the chance (which I doubt would even come out of your mouth). C O N F I D E N C E in yourself goes a long way!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:12 am

depending on the number of years you were married to the ex-hubby . . . would that come into play?

for example: married for one year. why would you keep his last name?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:12 am

If the guy isn’t man enough to take it, then that says something about him.

Randyt – Not all guys are progressive. If you grow up thinking that that’s just the way things are done, being presented with an option like carrying the wife’s name could be unnerving. I don’t think it really speaks to his manhood.

I do hope he’d be logical enough to listen to rational argument on the subject, however.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
10:13 am

you’re my air – I would imagine a tattoo of an ex’s name or initials would be a touchy subject. No one wants to see that, as the current SO! As for keeping the last name I think it depends. My mother thought I should have kept ex-hubby’s last name b/c of Lil Mo having that last name. However as I stated, Lil Mo has my maiden name as a middle name so I felt no issue with going back to my maiden name. Plus if I get remarried it would change anyway…..

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:14 am

AmazonRed is now steadfastly praying for a man for Angie AmazonRedLOL…… while you’re at it say a prayer for me too :D

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:15 am

you brought up something very important. tats!

That’s important? :lol:

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:16 am

AmazonRed not for a man but for me to will the GA lottery $$$$ :D

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:16 am

Amazon some days I would read you going back and forth with Angie and would think you were being kinda cruel. But as proven today even when you try to subtly show her something she still don’t get it.

And yes dear that is one of the reasons why I get to break away in the middle of the day should I get the urge. And some days I don’t bother coming back. My boss and I have a long lived long term understanding. LOL I haven’t done that in a while though. But I will resume in the near future.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:18 am

Hey –

My son asked me if his name would change if I married. I told him, no. He will be the only person that will change his name if he ever decides. But if he has a new baby brother/sister come along then the baby’s name would be stepdad’s heir.

abc Did your family oust you because you acquired your stepfather’s lastname?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:18 am

AmazonRedLOL…… while you’re at it say a prayer for me too

Grace – :lol:

No going back to the marriage buffet until us singles get a turn. ;)

Besides, I want you to stick around, though I’m sure your time here is not contengent on having another warm body in your bed. :lol:

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:19 am

@AMAZON
that makes two of us! lol.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
10:20 am

I didn’t think it was directed at me. Naw, for me – I wasn’t holding onto anything. I just really liked my signature. lol…

Besides…I was only married two and a half years. It took me two years to get my ID’s all changed over. I had only gone through all of that just before we started having our issues and split.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:20 am

But as proven today even when you try to subtly show her something she still don’t get it.

Yes, you can always tell the Moms on the board. They have the patience of Job! I commend you. Cuz I can’t coddle grown people. :lol:

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:23 am

Mr. Me has a nice last name Jeckins. Ergo, so is Mrs. Me.

How are you today?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:23 am

not for a man but for me to will the GA lottery $$$$

Grace, I will most definitely do this, as long as you give me $50,000 (after taxes) in return. :lol: That’s all I need!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:28 am

@RAQI
whenever i give you the benefit of the doubt, it bites me in the azz. *not surprised though*.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
10:31 am

Cemeeli How are you? One of these days when I get fully moved in, you’ll have to come over and beat me at Wii tennis.

It seems that as soon as I got my house to the place where I could comfortably live there, I slacked on the rest of my unpacking. I might have to have another unpacking party or something…

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:33 am

Beautiful, give ME the benefit of the doubt? For what?

My efforts were in an attempt to show you something.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:34 am

Thant’s all you need??? Amazon now don’t go changing your mind when I win that $202 mill.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:34 am

It’s Angie against the world Raqi? Didn’t you get the memo? She’s always the victim.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:38 am

Amazon I’m not trying to be a coddler of grown folks either. LOL I was just trying to show her something and everytime I have tried she don’t get it. That was my last attempt.

Let me get back on topic.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:38 am

Tazzee – It’s a deal. You should have the next Wii party. I’ll bring my own set Wii of tennis racquet.

The last Unpacking Party? Girl, i’ll work as long as you feed me.

Mo Now dude that asked you about your tattoo. He just wanted to know if that was a dude’s intitials.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:40 am

As for tattoos, I would never get one of anyone’s name. Not even my own child. The one tat that I have is very generic.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
10:41 am

My wife hyphenated her last name for the first couple of years. Her argument was that she was just used to writing and hearing that maiden name. As a matter of fact, the receptionist at her firm says that it took nearly a month for my wife to answer a page when it was given solely under the married name. She used the hyphen more during as a transition period. After about year four, I rarely even saw maiden name.

Honestly, It didn’t bother me. I really have enough things of my own about which to worry.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:42 am

Grace – If you win $202 million, $50,000 is really all I need. If I can get that from an internet stranger, I’ll be doing pretty well.

Heck, if any rich internet strangers are reading and have $50,000 to spare, holla at me! :D

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
10:43 am

I’m very attached to my last name and for the most part, my circle goes military style – you are addressed by your last name. I always thought I wouldn’t want to change my last name. Partly because I couldn’t ‘hear’ another last name as sounding right. Looking back, the other part is probably cuz I grew up around so many blended families and common law situations that I never thought twice. Nowadays I’m all for the trade in. As long as it ain’t too crazy of a name… I bet my name would sound good hyphenated, tho, cuz it’s short. Ooh, I get so annoyed with hypenates (that’s what I call the women) who have like twenty letters in each name or the names just don’t flow!

I know a couple of divorcees who wanted the divorce, but kept the last name. I chalked it up to hassle too, but still kinda think if you wanna divest yourself of him, that might go a long way towards it.

ALTWEN Uhm, why did your brother go AWOL for two years, was your family fighting harder against her than he was about it and didn’t it all just confuse the kids?

ABC I think you’ve done it more than once, so did either of them ever actually mention not taking on the alphabet?

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
10:44 am

Actually, I am glad that my wife chose to express herself through piercings over tattoos.

I have a tattoo myself, but not a real big fan of them on females.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:47 am

@RAQI
ok, i’ll play along. (eyeroll) what are you teaching me today MRS. RAQI? you’re assuming that i never take away with me what you tell me. how do you know this?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:48 am

it took nearly a month for my wife to answer a page

Poppa that is understandable and very common. I had a dentist appt shortly after Mase and I married and didn’t immediately realize the tech was talking to me when she called for Mrs. XYZ. It was when she said Mrs. ‘raqi’ xyz that it dawned on me.

Unless a woman spends months and years referring to herself in her mind as the Mrs. before the actual union takes place it is not uncommon for it to take a minute to get used to. When have been one thing for like 25, 30, 40 years…

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:50 am

PG – I have one, but I’m not a fan of them on females either. So many have gone overboard.

I really thought hard about how they’d look in a strapless dress or wedding gown and didn’t go for anything that would show. At one point I was thinking of getting another, but couldn’t think of any place where it would meet the above criteria or not be in a “ghetto” spot (like a boob). So I didn’t get one.

To be honest, I could have done without it. The good thing is that I don’t see it unless I look in a mirror. The bad thing is I don’t see it unless I look in the mirror. It’s kinda like “what’s the point.” Though I do like how no one ever thinks my BAP-ish azz would have ever gotten one.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:52 am

PoppaG Mrs. G’s startegy is one to think about….hmmmm.

How is she doing anyway? I mean, how are all doing since the last unthinkable.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Well we all know I am a person that gives the middle finga to traditional ways of thinking and living. Personally, I feel the woman is always expected to change herself for a man. Why is it that we are the only changers? Men can stay the same. That is man’s way of having control of women. If I have been know as Staceye XXX my whole life…I am not changing it. Now I do have diferent names for myself as a singer/actress and one as a dancer. I feel life is about addition not loss of one’s self. I do not have a sentimental attachment to my last name…just the principle. How would men like it if they had to change their name? If the tables were turned and the woman they chose to marry loved everything about them but made a stink and would not marry them over something as stupid as a name? Sounds to me like they never really loved you at all. If I was to bump my head….wait I take that back…I bumped my head and still don’t want to marry. :lol: But if by chance I lose my mind and decided to marry, I would add my hubby’s name. By marrying him..he is an addition to the life I already had before him. Therefore, I am not losing me but expanding me. Any man that can’t deal with it is not the man for me. That means he is a slave to what society says we should be. If he really loves me..he loves my rebelion and all.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Partly because I couldn’t ‘hear’ another last name as sounding right

TwoLincolns my daughters name is going to be beautiful with our last name. It has a beautiful ring to it Elizabeth Adalyn XYZ. Now mine not so much. It sounds okay but it doesn’t have that nice of a flow to it. But hey, you take the ring, you take the name.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Cemeeli – I had dudes ask that too about my initials! Are those his initals?? I would never get someone else’s name/initals tatted on me, except maybe Lil Mo and thats shaky! Mine are simple and about me! LOL!

Tazzee – upacking party….I should’ve had one of those when I moved!! LOL! I hate unpacking

lurker

May 7th, 2009
10:55 am

potential for a crazy day I tell ya

lurker

May 7th, 2009
10:58 am

Raqi…was that due to me? I listed Elizabeth as a nice traditional name…a few weeks back. THANKS RAQI….just kidding.

Staceye not the middle fanga..lol

Jamo I missed a couple of your posts yesterday. You know I wasn’t tryna put the ig on you.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
10:58 am

I happen to LOVE my tattoos and piercings. Now I wish I did not get the one on my arm…I hate the placement…not the tattoo. However…I was able to compete in pageants with it. When I have a formal event…I can where Dermablend and it’s covered. And I plann on getting a another one soon!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
10:59 am

We have the potential for a crazy day

U right Lurker! Ared just passed out Raqi’s( a married woman) sleeping history to the whole blog in one 1/2 sentence Whitebread, Nature Guy, Mason? etc :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
10:59 am

Mo – sad thing is, I already had one…I’m not very good with focusing so I’ll start something and go to another room and forget what I was doing initially. So really, my next unpacking party will be a babysitter forcing me to stay focused :lol:

abc

May 7th, 2009
11:00 am

2cent, my first wife made a little noise about wanting to keep her maiden name. Even though she didn’t keep it, she still remained more a part of that family than the family she, our son and I represented, which was a problem. 2nd wife didn’t have a problem with changing her name.

Cee, it’s not like a formal disowning or anything like that. I live across the country from all of them anyway, we just don’t communicate.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
11:00 am

RAQI…that is a pretty name. I have an Aunt and a little cousin named Elizabeth. We call my Aunt Ellie and the cousin Lizzie.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
11:01 am

Ared just passed out Raqi’s( a married woman) sleeping history to the whole blog in one 1/2 sentence Whitebread, Nature Guy, Mason? etc

Well melo, if Raqi’s “sleeping history” :???: is of only 3 guys, I’d say she’s probably a Nun in her day job. :D

Grace

May 7th, 2009
11:01 am

HA! Amazon- Let’s say it’ll be a payment for all your sessions with Beautiful. :)

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:03 am

Good morning blog fam! Been on a little “staycation”. My best friend from college came for a visit from California and brought my goddaughter. We took in the aquarium, some cool restaraunts, my nephew’s first birthday party/puppet show and saw old friends. My god-daughter LOVES my boyfriends two kids, so we have to take them to California to visit her. But the highlight of the visit was our trip back to UGA on Tuesday. I had given goddaughter a little UGA cheerleader outfit for Christmas and she wore it on our visit. She was the hit of the campus. We actually got to meet the university president Adams and he was totally charmed by her! It was great to be back at UGA, but we both remarked that we got jyped! The changes and progress that place has made boggles the mind! It was a great place before, but it is incredible now.

On topic – I’m a little attached to my last name because I come from a great family and it carries a lot of pride for me. But I would have no problem changing it upon marriage. I would just make my maiden name my middle, though I like my middle name too! Don’t really want to do the hyphen thing, so I’d take the name for the right guy!

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
11:03 am

My last name is cool and very unique. Anybody you meet with this name is a relative. My sister and most female cousins keep it and go the hyphenated route after marriage. I’m already conditioning my daughters to do the same.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:04 am

Mo – I feel ya. Lil raschal all up in your tattoo. BUt i guess, if you cain’t understand what it is/means then ask, hunh?

My lil cousin that was killed last Sept. her best friend got my cousin’s name & DOD tattooed on her forearm. Now i don’t know how her parents felt about that, but she came over to the house and showed us the same day she got it. And the colors are the favorite colors my lil cousin liked.

Then 3 more of my lil cousin’s friends mentioned they were doing that same thing. But wasnt’ sure how they would design it.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

AR

So many have gone overboard.

The above referenced statement is why I am not a fan of them on females. I’ve seen way too many female version of Allen Iverson. Tats everywhere.

Cee

I didn’t really see as a strategy. I can understand being used to hearing, answering, and signing one name and being used to it. I guess that it would take some time getting used to answering to Mrs. Johnson when you used to answering to Ms. Smith.

Also, in her case, clients were used to seeing Ms. Smith since she is an attorney. Her first name is relatively common so the clients probably not know that the Ms. Smith that you called last week is not Mrs. Johnson until they were notified.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

I with you on the uniqueness of the last name. Any one you meet w/my last name has to be kin!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

Angie, smehow i see ur point tho in waking up early and blogging by 5.30 am.If u are an early riser!
Just have a thick skin sweetie.
Dont u live in the ghetto over there anyway??
I grew up in Soweto, I can rumble and tangle with SWATS best!! :lol:

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

CORRECTION

Her first name is relatively common so the clients probably not know that the Ms. Smith that you called last week is now Mrs. Johnson until they were notified.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:07 am

Another quirk – when I am in line ANYWHERE, I don’t like people I don’t know standing in my personal space. Give me two feet.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:08 am

Beautiful I am not trying to teach you anything.

No Lurker that’s my monster-in-law’s name. I mean mother-in-law.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:11 am

Bulldog Chic What a cool staycation? <— i’m using that one on my realtives come next visit. You took kiddies to the Ga. Aquarium, too! Girl did they see the new tiger shark & lionfish? You know i’m amped now! :) Glad you enjoyed your visit with them

Aren’t you excited to see your college have grow so? Make you feel old don’t it? :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
11:12 am

kimmie welcome back, sounds like you had a good time. When I went to homecoming at Purdue this past fall, all we talked about is how we were gypped (sp?) too, LOL. We turned into our parents because we kept telling the current students how good they had it with a shuttle to take them across campus. Telling stories of how we had to trudge across campus in the snow, etc.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:12 am

On topic:
I come from a very distinguished pedigree! Any woman marrying us will really feel honored to carry our last name.
Queen used to spew that hypheranated nonsense eve now and then when introducing herself to folks,untill she got sucked into Zulu nation.
I dont think she still remembers her last name anymore, it has been so many moons now in the zulu Kingdom. :grin:

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

Feel honored to carry your last name? How about I just feel honored because you are honoring me?

(Melo you know I have to get at you sometimes. lol)

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

PoppaG Yes, i meant the hyphenated startegy.But yes, in her line of work the clients would have needed the heads-up.

Would have been good to inform all, but even with telling people your new lastname. Some still will forget and email, copy a memo, ect with the madien name. I did several of my colleagues like that until i got accustomed to seeing their name in my inbox.

Is it lunchtime yet?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

I don’t like people I don’t know standing in my personal space

LOL I know. One day I went to Jason’s Deli for lunch and this lady was all up in my back pocket. I had to ask her to take a step or two back. Wasn’t trying to be mean but get off my back.

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
11:17 am

“…..LOVE my tattoos.” I got alot of tattoos myself (and Brands and scars). Sometimes I regret the ones on my forearms. I could never wear a short sleeve shirt in a business enviroment. If the executive staff saw me with my shirt off they would look at me very differently and would immediately contact HR for another background check and drug test.

On topic: If my wife and I ever divorced, I want my muthaf%$kin name back.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:19 am

I want my muthaf%$kin name back

A’ight Ike Turner.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
11:21 am

One of my favorite phrases is “I’m not getting involved with that…” I’ll gladly loan it out to some of you.

RAQI That already sounds pretty together and honestly, I need a lil sumthin to jazz up some of the more traditional names, so I’d refer to her as both. Then again, I’m just a fan of middle names so I’d surely do it regardless. I’m always sad for those who didn’t get one.

GRACE Speaking of names, yours (or your moniker) is one of the ones I find to be most lovely. HOWEVER it does not mean I am willing to stand idly by while you try to get my millions! Any New Yorker will tell you “All you need is a dollar and a dream.” Seriously, I aim for the 2nd prize. Then you’re not gonna be splashed on tv so your long lost relatives can suddenly resurface…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:21 am

Cee

Mrs. PG is doing ok, I guess. She has lost 3 close relatives and 1 close friend in the last 30 days. We attended the relative’s funeral, but she didn’t go to the friend’s funeral. She just wasn’t up to it, she has kept in touch with her friend’s family though.

Work has given her something to keep busy right now.

I, on the other hand, am doing stupendous. My spring semester is over and so are finals.

Kimmie

Recently, I had to go to Athens for a conference at the Classic Center. I took a trip over to UGA and I must admit they have upgraded quite a bit. UGA (especially Old Campus) looks very nice. The Dean Rusk building wasn’t even there the last time that I was there.

With all the improvements, y’all really need to upgrade that basketball facility. The Stage-saurus (aka Stegeman Coliseum) was state of the Art about 50 years ago!! Now, it looks old!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:23 am

TwoLincolns I can already see it…

Raqi: Elizabeth Adalyn get your behind in this house and leave those boys alone!!!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:24 am

Raqi – tell me about it. Somebody is all close on me. So, I move up. Then, they move up. It’s like I can feel them breathing on me. LOL.

Then, I stand there debating how rude I will seem if I tell them to back dahell up or if I care that I’m rude. Cause I really am a nice person.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:25 am

Yeah Cemeeli what’s for lunch?

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:25 am

How about I just feel honored because you are honoring me?

No problem Cool.U know, when a man asks a woman to marry him,that is a Big honor to the lady.And for some of u that are wedding ceremony-afflicted,an even Bigger honor!!!(by the way,Queen still sulks coz i refused to be paraded like a cow,went to court to formalise and officialise it,thats it!)
So you taking my name is honoring me i guess, and kinda paying respects for the honor i bestowed on u in asking for marriage.
Well,besides the historical tradition ofcourse,which i honor and respect very much.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:26 am

Cee

Is it lunchtime yet?

Don’t tell me that you are gonna use your free KFC Grilled Chicken coupon for lunch…Oprah don’t know what she has done. Chicken population will go into a tailspin. tailspin..I tell ya.

If you plan on using said coupon, then you better head on to get into line. You might get that meal by 5 PM.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:27 am

I’m like that too about the personal space. Back up off me!LOL!!

Sister Cee- Yes, we did see those new fish! It was a great aquarium visit! I got some very cool pictures. Yes, I was very proud to see my school progress the way that it has, but I’m not surprised. They were always on the cutting edge and planning for big things when I was there. I here they might be getting a medical school too. The health center on campus looks like a mini-Northside hospital. You can train for the olympics at the student workout center and they have a huge new biolab. The new dorms look like condos, one has a food court in it. Computers everywhere. Dang, I don’t even know if I could get in now! I did feel a little old, but I felt more pride. Proud of what I’ve become since graduating from such a great place. It was truly a life-changing experience. I would not have changed a thing!

Tazzee – Yeah, we talked to a few students about some of the things we had to go through, like walking over that huge city/campus to one central site to work on a computer, when they have them at their fingertips! And ALL the dorms have A/C, not just a few that you had to pay extra for!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:29 am

Poppa – Funny, we said the same thing the minute we saw that basketball facility! I’ve seen a lot of folks complain about it on other blogs. I bet a new one is already in the works, though!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
11:29 am

Any New Yorker will tell you “All you need is a dollar and a dream.”

Mytwo – When I was living in the Northeast the slogan was “where else can you buy a dream for a dollar?” and I used to always think “I thought dreams were free!” :lol:

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:34 am

*Atltwen*
Ur qstion to Ared,here is the heads up:
Depends on how u perceive her in ur eyes and mind.If shes looking sready girl friend material on sight,give her verse like they advised.
If she looks like immediate-not-too-distant smash materil,give her body comentary as long as you have follow thru and u sold out on that.
Every woman has an opportunity to say No or Yes.
You take what she gives u,no sulking,stalking etc after the answer either way.
No real man does that!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:35 am

I live over by Greenbriar. I thought that they were going to have to call APD to direct traffic and for crowd control at the KFC yesterday. LOL

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:35 am

sready??? lol no! :lol:

steady instead!
(spready cant wrked too,if u lok at it,but not in that sense,a typo indeed!)

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
11:38 am

Hey MO! I just got a cute one. Think I still wanna bring it up a few more inches. Worried about that hot comb in the kitchen since I’m au nauturel tho.

TAZZEE I’d be happy to assist you. And since I’m a pack rat, I will gladly relieve you of some of the gently worn items I’ll convince you to discard.

DU, So it wasn’t a tough sell? I would have to question your wife if she could buy into a buncha the other shiii but not the last name hahaaaa

I’ve written a couple of great term papers on the importance of names, so nevermind my fascination. But I also wonder for those with kids outside of wedlock if the families are all in their grills about giving or not giving the father’s last names since they Ain’t married.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
11:40 am

Thank you mytwo. I love my moniker name. If given a chance to change my real name it would be Olivia Grace.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:42 am

Kimmie

One of my friend’s kids was recruited by former UGA coach Felton. They say that the practice facility is better than the place that the actually play.

Tazzee

I didn’t know that you were a Boilermaker? The were one of the schools that came after me pretty hard. However, I visited in November. I saw snow and felt the cold.

My favorite line from Menace II Society applied….”We’s a tropical people”. Nice school although my Notre Dame folks don’t like Purdue.

Speaking of Notre Dame…How did the manage to get Obama for their graduation? I don’t think that I’d want a sitting Pres. to speak at my graduation. Security will be crazy, but kids would have to be on their best behavior. No beach balls. They might get shot.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
11:43 am

mytwocents – I was all with this long hair but as of recently I need a change. Added some highlights months ago and that kept me pacified for a moment. Now this length has GOT TO GO! I finally found a hairstyle so I plan on going for it, not as drastic a move as I usually make but my hair hasnt been this long since I was 12yrs old either!

Does anyone know of a hairstylist that can do some HELLIFIED highlights??

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
11:43 am

i look cute today! hair flowin’, lips glossin’ . . .

bye bloggers. have a good day!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:45 am

Angie are you finally on your way to work.

(LOL I could not resist.)

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:47 am

I will say this…the last funeral was quite interesting. My wife’s uncle (deceased) was married but separated from his wife and got him a girlfriend. He and the girlfriend lived together for about 25 years.

However, when he died, the sheriff got the uncle’s Caddy (which was apparently only in his name) and had it towed to the wife’s house. The wife and the girlfriend both sat on the front pew with deputies in between them. Then, there was a graveside argument between the ladies.

A couple of days later it was discovered that her uncle had nearly 750,000 in savings and it all went to the wife due to state law. Technically, the uncle was still married.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:50 am

SexyCool

I live over by Greenbriar. I thought that they were going to have to call APD to direct traffic and for crowd control at the KFC yesterday

Howell Mill KFC had traffic messed up too.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:50 am

When I got an email for the KFC coupon I just deleted it. I can’t even see myself getting in line at a place that I don’t even eat at. I hate their chicken anyway. The best thing they have is the mashed potato bowl and that I do not need.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:52 am

PoopaG The KFC traffic on Cascade near 285 was a mess yesturday around 5:30. Oprah has caused all this mess! :)

But you just gave me an idea on coupon. I have gift-c for Doc Greens that i may used it for lunch today.

Kimmie UGA has always been a community, and not just your ole regular college camp. Good way to get these aspiring graduates more excited about colleges like UGA.

I vistied UNC a couple of weeks ago. Was there for the final southeast Alvin Ailey performance and the college students were so friendly! Kinda made me wanna call home and tell them i’m staying longer. Me and my Tech-grad cousin walked their campus before the show, and it brought back so many memories. Birkestocks, bicycles, backpacks, and students studying on the campus yard EVERYWHERE

Bob

May 7th, 2009
11:53 am

I would not consider marrying a woman who would not take my name. It is not merely tradition, though it is tradition. The tradition signifies a truth about the nature of marriage and family, namely that the husband is the head of the family and the wife is his helper/helpmeet–however you want to say it.

A woman should not consider marrying a man who does not want her to take his name, because he obviously doesn’t take his obligation as head of the home seriously enough, and is likely to abdicate responsibility under the guise of “equality.”

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
11:55 am

I was reading some earlier posts…namely from AmazonRed in regards to appraching a woman. I’m working in Iraq at the moment and it’ll be good to get back to civilization for a little bit. I’ll be lookin forward to seein; you ladies around. Whew…I love Atl in the spring/summertime!!

Zelda

May 7th, 2009
11:56 am

My husband gave me something long and hard on our wedding day: his Polish last name!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:57 am

LOL Poppa the girlfriend can just give it up ’cause the wife comes first. And only to tell the truth. Unless he had a will that specifically outlined his matters, the girlfriend it out. But I guess you know that already Mr. Attorney.

25 years and he never got a divorce??? Girlfriend is out.

Often Disappointed/Never Surprised!

May 7th, 2009
11:59 am

Who decided the rules anyway? As long as the two agree(married couple), what does it matter? I have no sons, and neither did my father-in-law. No big deal. Your daughters will always be your daughters, last name or not!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
12:02 pm

OMG! GRACE – Olivia is also in my top five. Shhhhh!

ARED I’ve heard so many other slogans over the years, but that one sticks with me. I actually know someone whose Dad hit the NY State lottery. She’s been a stylist since HS so her treat was a salon. I think that’s how my future winnings will be dispersed. Not lump sums but by passions.

PG Seriously? Wait after 25 yrs, why come she fighting over him? Hey, till death did them part…

ELIZABETH ADALYN, you betta bite your tongue!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:03 pm

OFF TOPIC:
Beyonce’s mom and Dad seem to have raised that girl real well.
eEvery where i see her,she loks real classy,cultured,well spoken etc.Every thing u want in a daughter.
Just saw her on vhi last nite and my god,baby girl reall looks angelic.I cannot seem to be able to attach any flaw to herself and her character.Who wld want to unruffle,smother and blemish such Godliness??!!!
I hope,pray and trust to God that shes still a virgin! :grin:

abc

May 7th, 2009
12:04 pm

I agree with Bob.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
12:04 pm

Raqi

I am with you on the KFC thing. My wife will tell you that I can’t stand the Colonel. I lived by a NASCAR track. I’ve picked up my share of “buckets” in my life and can’t stand that place.

However, I did print it up and gave it a classmate. After all, it is the semester is over and the loan money is long gone. I went by the school to talk to a professor, and she was leaving her last final.

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
12:06 pm

I’m 6′3″….where are all the tall women at?? good lawd!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
12:06 pm

BOB I disagree with the man being head of household crap! I beleive that as a couple we are equally responsible for the running of where we call home. Just because I marry him doesn’t mean I give up who I a have been for the past umpteen years. out of respect for our union…I would simply add his name to mine…a compromise. Not a problem…only when some guy who tries to be controlling make it one. Its a name…a friggin’ name! No one will die over the decision.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
12:09 pm

I’m 6′3″….where are all the tall women at?? good lawd

KsuOwl – Stay safe over there and holla at me when you return!

In fact, on your next free weekend, head over to Kuwait and get vetted by my boo “The Truth.” If you pass his inspection, we’re good! :lol:

gmehl

May 7th, 2009
12:10 pm

I don’t see why the women are expected to change their names.
I was married and did not change my name. It just felt like I was not myself with another name. I will say that my ex was not thrilled about it but i asked him how he would feel about changing his name and he backed off.
I, too, am one of 3 daughters and no sons. Both my sisters have changed their names, so I am the only one left.
I guess I am too independent to be comfortable with it. After my divorce, I changed my daughter’s last name to mine instead of the other way around. She does not have her biological father’s last name, she has mine.
If the woman wants to change her name, she should do it but she shouldn’t be pressured into it.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
12:11 pm

tatas

PG Seriously? Wait after 25 yrs, why come she fighting over him? Hey, till death did them part…

Legally, the wife has claim to it. They never got a legal divorce. They were just separated. He didn’t have a will either. Especially, if the state doesn’t recognize common law marriage. This funeral was in SC. We’ll see what survives probate.

However, I’ve had a similar incident in my family.

Although, I did joke with my wife that at least my family waited until the body was in the ground before the ladies took swings at each other. After the pastor finished with the word “dust”, it was on. There were a lot of four letter words, that would put me in blog purgatory being said, right there in the church cemetery.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
12:12 pm

My job blocks me from downloading software, so I couldn’t download the application to download the KFC coupon. No biggie, cuz I haven’t eaten KFC in years and one of my co-workers brought a bucket to the office picnic last week anyway.

But one of my friends suggested we print out the coupons and give it to the homeless, so I was bummed I couldn’t do that.

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
12:13 pm

LOL @ Amazon. Right now im in the IZ (Green Zone) in central Baghdad. I’ll be in Atl from the 16-30…these 12 hour days are gettin’ to me. It’ll be good to see home again. I wont be swingin through Kuwait though. We all process through Dubai before heading back to the states. Look u up huh??? Wassup?

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
12:15 pm

@SexyCool, pretty much the scene at the KFC on Candler Road. I kept on driving. Well, ladies I have on some capris cuffed white linen pants and black slingback heels. I went over to a co-worker’s desk to take a picture. Next thing I knew, she was picking me up off the floor. My freaking heel got caught in the cuff of my pant. Had to be a freaky thing cuz although I walk fast and step high, no freaking way I step that high. Still scratching my head and ripped my pants by the knee! Now, I’m bummed!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:16 pm

I was married and did not change my name….I will say that my ex was not thrilled about it.. I am too independent to be comfortable with it

Seeing that u are divorced urself,do u feel that is sound advice to give to ladies who want to get married.
Or you would rather the ladies say,”consider the source OR read between the lines”,in regards to ur advice.???!! Whats ur take on ur ramblingsgmehl???

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
12:16 pm

MELO Two things. 1. Beyonce seems well spoken to you? She always seems like she’s robotically reading a teleprompter to me. 2. Soweto, huh? You finally let it slip…wink,wink

Jay

May 7th, 2009
12:17 pm

Mo. With Lil Mo having your maiden name as her middle name. In the back of your mind. Did you see or vision a divorce in the future. Just asking…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
12:17 pm

Melo

I hope,pray and trust to God that shes still a virgin!

You do know that Beyonce is married, right?

Also, keep in mind that her parents also raised her sister “Solonge”, who tends to be a little more on the wild side than Beyonce.

I honestly equate the Knowles with the Simpsons (not Homer and Marge). Both packaged up their kids for media consumption. I am not a big fan of Jessica and Ashley, but its just that I’m not a fan of their product.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:20 pm

‘Soweto, huh? You finally let it slip…wink,wink’

I thoght u knew mytwo.

She was on CNN larry King,sounded real classy!

GAPeach

May 7th, 2009
12:21 pm

Hello all. I found this issue to be interesting since it’s one I’m dealing with right now. Just got remarried in April and am doing all the stuff to legally change my name to my new hubby’s. I am a traditionalist as well, and I figure, even with my career, that people can update their stuff as easily as I do. Doesn’t bother me at all to have to do that.

I think it is an honor to a man to take his name and I know my new hubby loves it. Any children we have together will have OUR last name. We share a name the same as we share our family bonds.

I also have a daughter from a previous marriage. I was widowed when she was small. My new husband does intend to adopt her and give her his name. I don’t want her name to be any different from her future siblings or the rest of us. My new husband will be the one raising her and I want her to have his name. Her biological father held little value to his last name and had no relationship with his own father. I don’t think there is any big deal in keeping that for her, which will just make her stick out. We have little to do with his family in general now, which is way more drama than I’ll post here.

In general, people do what they think is best for their situation. I do find it odd when women DON’T take their husband’s name, but that’s just me the southern traditional girl.

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
12:21 pm

Well, It’s been good. Time to head on to the DFAC and get dinner and then on to get some rest. It’s almost 7:30 here…and that means i’m off. Amazon…holla @ me. I’m at ksuowl25@gmail.com…Peace. Oh and just to let everyone know…just for fun…we printed out the coupons from KFC and handed it to the Iraqi at the KFC place and he looked at us like we were crazy. Oprah..hook us up ova here!!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:22 pm

‘You do know that Beyonce is married, right?’

Ared,go get Poppa!! :lol:

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
12:22 pm

HAHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa LEGGS – You were gettin your Top Model on all across the office! Please stop having mimosas in the morning and night caps in the evening! I’m really becoming concerned for your safety while asleep and awake.

GMEHL Do you think the divorce was somewhat due to your refusal to submit on the name thing, which could’ve led to his resentment about other things?

bridget

May 7th, 2009
12:22 pm

I can’t believe some women are making this a big deal? It’s a name, it’s not like it’s changing “who” you are or what people “think” of you. My husband doesn’t have a care in the world if I didn’t change my last name or changed it to an entirely different last name all together. It’s about me being a dedicated wife & loving him unconditionally regardless of what people call me. I hyphenated my name and I like it that way. He has a common last name & has encountered identity theft on more than one occasion. I am being cautious & keeping my options open as to what my offical name will be.

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:24 pm

Melo Beyonce….Angelic? Godliness? Bet you think great actress too huh. Blinded by azz I see….lol

Elizabeth, Olivia, Chelsea, Abigal…love those names.

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:25 pm

does anyone twitter?

SeasonedBelle

May 7th, 2009
12:26 pm

I have a name. It’s who I am. Why should I change it? Did once. Never again. It’s not necessary. My child has his father’s last name, but I reclaimed mine after the divorce. Marriage alone isn’t reason enough to change one’s name. Let the guys change theirs for a few decades or centuries. Seems only fair.

Lucas

May 7th, 2009
12:27 pm

I don’t like the idea of being married to someone with the same last name as me. It’s like being brother and sister, or something.

DWadeFan

May 7th, 2009
12:27 pm

I hyphenated my name and my husband still “just doesn’t get it” to this day. I was adopted, however I didn’t find out until I was an adult. When I discovered how my dad loved me so much that he signed my birth certificate and raised me as his own “flesh and blood” I wanted to always carry his name. My husband enjoys saying my hyphenated name with emphasis when he’s angry. What he hasn’t tried to understand is how much my maiden name means to me and why. I will always be my daddy’s girl.

anonymousella

May 7th, 2009
12:28 pm

um, men don’t have that conversation because they don’t have the issue. it’s not expected for them to change their names after marriage. in fact, in some places, it’s harder for men to do so.

yes, we’re still playing the name game. “if i take the ring, ” i still ain’t changing it. my name means a lot to me. i’m used to it. built a professional reputation with it. i own the domain name and the google rank.

it’s not just a ms. independent thing though. it’s also mutual respect, partnership, and how your view marriage. we can both change our names. or we can both keep our pre-marital ones. but why should i have to give up that connection to my family, my ancestry and my identity? we are becoming a family. i am not merely joining yours. it’s a holdover from times when women and Negroes were property. i got issues with that on both counts … lol.

i wouldn’t think a guy was insecure if he had a problem with it. i’d think he was patriarchal, sexist, traditional and not someone i should be marrying or even dating seriously.

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
12:28 pm

On another note, those that have been reading me for a while may remember a story I shared about this deaf chick I met at a bar. To refresh your memory, About a year ago, I was at a neighborhood spot, chick at the bar kept looking at me, she motions for me to join her, I approach, she starts doing sign language and talking the deaf talk, caught me off guard, I faked a phone call and dipped. How about yesterday, I’m at the same bar, just left the barbershop, stopped by to pick up some wings to go for the game, sat at the bar between two attractive females, ordered a beer while waiting for the food. Both women are sneaking peaks at me, inviting me to speak. Some dude rushes the one on my right and starts a conversation. Not to be outdone, I ask the one to my left, How was her day? Don’t you know, she started doing sign language, and talking the undecipherable deaf talk. It was the same chick from a year ago. This time I couldn’t leave because I had to wait for my food, so I sat there a pretended to converse with her even though I didn’t know what the f&*k she was saying. It’s not my intention to be insensitive to the hearing impaired nor was I rude to baby. But that was some crazy shyt.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
12:30 pm

Lurker – I signed up for a Twitter account a few weeks ago. However, I haven’t updated it since the first day because there is really little going on in my life that is Twitter-worthy.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
12:30 pm

Jay – No. Giving Lil Mo my maiden name as a middle name was simply a way to keep the name going. We dont have many boys in my family and ex-hubby was cool with it. What made you think that? Im asking because someone else posed that question to me as well

Tony

May 7th, 2009
12:30 pm

If a woman wishes to keep her maiden name, it is fine with me. What bugs me is when a woman has decided to keep her name, but then rushes to have it changed when she gives birth.

GaHockeymom

May 7th, 2009
12:33 pm

I got married in ‘99, while in the prime of my career days. I was not even considering changing my name. It would have been a huge hassle for me to, all of a sudden, be someone different. My business colleagues would have no idea who I was. And I was Dir. of Ops. for an international hotel marketing company, so my associates were from all over the world.
Changing my credit cards, DL, passport and everything else under the sun, was a total pain in the ass once I did decide to hyphenate. And the ONLY reason I decided to do that was because I didn’t want my children to have a completely different last name than me.
I loved that my husband didn’t care. He’s secure enough in himself to know that it wouldn’t change our marital status, so what difference did it make.
Ultimately, if you want to change it, then do; but DO NOT let your husband decide for you. We’re not living in the 50s anymore.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
12:33 pm

I’m really becoming concerned for your safety while asleep and awake. CUTE!

Oprah meant well, but what a mess. I’m with you Raqi. Haven’t eaten in KFC in over 10 years, why start now!

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:33 pm

SexyC…I was thinking the same. I signed up and then thought okay, not a lot happening that I need to jot it down on some site. Okay…so I’m not alone along those lines. Some dude requested to follow..I said okay but then thought, do I really want you to follow? I went back and blocked him. Think I’ll delete (if possible) that profile.

GRS

May 7th, 2009
12:34 pm

It is an honor and a privelege to take your husband’s last name after marriage. It is also respectful to your husband.

G'Vegas Dawg

May 7th, 2009
12:35 pm

“If you take a Snickers bar out of the wrapper and put a 3 Muskateers wrapper on it, it’s still a 3 Muskateers bar”. A response from an 8th grader when asked the question. Pretty simple huh? Someonw commented on a child changing their last name becuase of a remarriage. There are several different views on this, but, if a man adopts a child and has been their primary caregiver for most of their life, I don’t see a problem with it. However, if you are 20 years old, you’re parents have been divorced for the majority of your life, and your mother remarries a man you have known for maybe 4 years, you don’t take his last name. No matter how rich he is…..Someone from Gainesville actually did this.

LIONESS- Trees are Dangerous!

May 7th, 2009
12:38 pm

LMAO @ Yall! I am working like a slave today.. Goodness :( Going to the cheesecake factory for dessert

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:39 pm

lot of new monikers today

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:39 pm

Bet you think great actress too huh. Blinded by azz I see

Nope lurker.
That was like setting up the dining table for the Big dinner.All i wanted to do was post this(non-ignorance),’I hope,pray and trust to God that shes still a virgin!’
Had to find justification for it!
(i hate drilling it into ur head like that-lurker) :lol:

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:41 pm

for Lioness…”waaaay down in Egypt land, tell old Pharoah to LET MY PEOPLE GOOOOO

Get that dessert girl, you deserve it.

Crystal

May 7th, 2009
12:43 pm

Like Steve Harvey said….”If you want to keep your maiden name from your father, you should have married him!” If a man is good enough to be your husband why not share his last name. Changing your last name will not change who your are!

lurker

May 7th, 2009
12:43 pm

Melo i hate drilling it into ur head like that-lurker

Touche’

Donna P.

May 7th, 2009
12:44 pm

I’ve been married for 13 years now; I took my husband’s last name. I went from a 5-letter maiden name to a 14-letter married name. One of my sisters hyphenates her name as she had a career before she married and wanted to be known professionally by her pre-married career accomplishments. Women have the freedom now to do what they want with their last names. My three nieces, for example, want to tattoo their maiden names on each of their right foot and not take their husband’s last names at all (go figure).

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
12:45 pm

If you keep talking about Beyonce, 2E’s will come on here with her steel toed boots bad mouthing her and her talents!

Perhaps it’s just me, but I don’t get it when people say they can’t change their name to their husband’s name because clients will no longer know who they are. How is that possible when you still deal with your cliehts, face-to-face, phone, email, text. All that has to happen is for them to become familiar w/your new name. Your still the same person with a new last name. Changing ones electronic rolodex (contact list) is very easy to do. Isn’t it???

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
12:47 pm

Yes, I realized I used the wrong “your”!

Ms. Independent

May 7th, 2009
12:48 pm

I made my middle name my maiden name; because I had child that carried my maiden name and I still wanted that association and name recognition; But if my husband gets a divorce, I will no longer carry his name… I will go back to my maiden name; because if he is to remarry I will not want to be associate with another wife with last name…I truly like my Independence. I was 19 when I got married and I felt that way then as I do now.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 7th, 2009
12:50 pm

Afternoon everyone. I spent 4 hours today standing in a sandstorm. I was glad though because the sandstorms keep the heat down. Anyone need sand for a beach?

On topic: IF I ever got married again and the chick even acted like she didnt want to take my name games over. My last name is so uncommon that I’ve never met anyone with it that wasnt related but she’ll have to adapt. My ex wife asked me if she could keep it after the divorce and I was like hell no.

For you new age chicks since this isnt 50 years ago why get married at all. You’re your own woman, stay solo.

Ared, you and Angie need to call a truce to the ongoing skirmish that is your conversation.

Tazz, I had completely unpacked and put away all my things by 1am on day 1. I’m good at things like that, getting stuff done. I hate having boxes around the house.

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
12:50 pm

Enter your comments here

GAPeach

May 7th, 2009
12:53 pm

Leggs, I agree completely about work. They’ll find out the new name and go with that. Big deal.

M

May 7th, 2009
12:54 pm

When I was born, my parents did not pick my first name or middle name to go with anything. They picked it to go with the last name I was born with. I kept my name by request of my husband. YES! He asked me to keep it and we’ve been married 14 years with two beautiful daughters. It’s a matter of respect both ways. If he isn’t willing to change his, why should I change mine? Since when is my name not as important as his????

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:56 pm

but I don’t get it when people say they can’t change their name to their husband’s name because clients will no longer know who they are

U are absolutely right! A lot of the blog responses,male or female are all about group think and/or associations, smetimes.Hanging with the girlz/boys!
When luv hits u like a tonne of bricks, and u are alone,on ur own,in ur space,u do what comes naturally at u,what u think is right,u accustomed to seeing being done etc and do not rationalise the way u do on the blog,talking about ‘What IFs’ and musing on cindirella images/nothings.

Professor

May 7th, 2009
12:57 pm

Greetings!

Donna- How old are your nieces? I am just curious.

I am a traditional person, BUT I will not change my name if I get married. The only way I would change my name if children where involved and I would definitely use that hyphen. And needless to say the entire name-changing thing makes me feel like property, an asset, something that was merely acquired and/or purchased. Finally I am proud of all of my accomplishments both personal and professional and they were done under this name. So, why change that? Daddy’s name is bringing his little girl luck!

Eweezy@

May 7th, 2009
12:59 pm

I have a friend who has been maried for years and actually took his wife’s name. I thought that was great!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:00 pm

lot of new monikers today

Lurker, MIA made the AJC homepage today.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:01 pm

you and Angie need to call a truce to the ongoing skirmish that is your conversation.

And Truth, you need to give up that dream. :lol:

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
1:05 pm

And Truth, you need to give up that dream

I have.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:05 pm

While it is harder to pick a last name (Maiden or Married), how hard is it to give your kids sensible FIRST names. I went to a promotion ceremony for my s-i-l son and I tell you some of the names that kids have these days is just amazing.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
1:06 pm

LOL @ Lucas – I’m liking the input from the new folks today. I had a comment to make but I forgot it after catching up.

Lurker and SexyCool – twitter is cool, I mainly like reading other folks and twitter is how I find out a lot of stuff.

Mike Vick

May 7th, 2009
1:07 pm

I will take my… uh, you know… husband’s name.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
1:07 pm

:oops:

havent boght a musical CD in about 5/6 yrs now.Waste of time and money esp when every visitor to my home,close relative i.e. seemed to want to pilfer my stuff and most did.
I think i might have to buy this highly anticipated and long overdue, upcoming Maxwell CD tho.
(after a week of continous listening,they all sound stale,dnt know if its wrth it tho)

Mary

May 7th, 2009
1:09 pm

My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, and this subject came up. He doesn’t care if I change my name or not. I would also be in no rush to do so. I love my last name, and it just seems like such a hassle to change everything. I do a lot of freelancing, and my website is under that name.

His last name is similar in pronunciation to my middle name, and it would just sound too weird. At the most, I’d either hyphenate (though my current last name is very Irish and hard for some to pronounce), or take my current last name as a second middle name. Neither of us want kids (or will ever have them), so that’s not an issue in our relationship.

I don’t see where people can say that it’s an honor and shows respect to their husband to take his name. What is the husband doing to honor and respect his wife? Marrying her? She’s honoring him by marrying him. She’s agreeing to pledge her life to one person, and that should be honor and respect enough. Saying, “if you take the ring, you take the name” is ridiculous.

Frankly, if the boyfriend said he wouldn’t marry me unless I took his name, he’d be an ex-boyfriend. He’s supposed to want to marry me, not my name.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
1:09 pm

Lueker/mytwo I also like Sophia, Emerson and Gabriella for a girl and Emmanuel and Guy for a boy.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
1:11 pm

Sorry that was Lurker blame it on the liquid lunch :)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
1:14 pm

The Truth I should have had you at my unpacking party. I like to go through my stuff and reminisce while unpacking

A

May 7th, 2009
1:17 pm

Bond granted in Easter crash that killed 5

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
1:17 pm

PoppaG Technically I’m not a Boilermaker – I started at Purdue but graduated from A&T. I have a lot of friends that graduated from Purdue but if asked, I’m an Aggie.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:18 pm

Beautiful how far are those wildfires from where you live? I don’t recall what part of Cali you said you live in.

Rawn

May 7th, 2009
1:19 pm

Leave a piece of you with us….
Have you ever had the kind of day when you need to just vent about it? Sometimes talking to the mate, a friend or family member is just not the right thing…Why not share it with us?
We all have lived through and encountered a variety of situations that make up our life experiences, and make us who we are today. Who we are today is not because of one experience, but because of the many experiences we have gone through. I am sure while you are reading this, you can already think of one specific situation that you were faced with that shaped who you are as a person today. Whether it was something big that had a dramatic impact on you, or something a little lighter that simply changed the way you see certain things…every experience you have had deserves a place to be shared! Which is why we decided this blog would best be served if it allowed people to share and discuss their many life experiences…hence the name of this blog, http://www.sharinglifexperiences.com.

anonymousella

May 7th, 2009
1:19 pm

hrm. i thought i posted a comment. maybe it got moderated. don’t think i said anything profane, but knowing me, i did. reposting it. apologies if it appears twice.

men don’t have this discussion because men don’t have this issue. no one expects that a man will change his name after marriage. in fact, in some states, it’s harder for men to do so.

‘if i take the ring,’ i am not changing my name. i won’t ask him to change his either.

shoot, i own the domain name, the google rank, and built a professional reputation. you want me give up a very public part of my identity, my connection to my family, re-build my google juice, and go through the hassle of changing my name on my driver’s license, a dozen financial accounts and a passport?

and then if we got a divorce, i’d either have to be stuck with your last name or have to go through the whole hassle again? no thanks.

but it’s not just a “ms. independent” thing. it’s also a mutual respect and partnership thing. why should i have to change my name if you don’t? WE are creating a new family. i am not merely joining yours. and if being one unit is so important, why can’t you take my name? why can’t we both hyphenate?

would i think a man was “insecure” if he had a problem with it? no. i would think he was patriarchal, traditionalist, and not someone i should marry or even date long term.

Candance

May 7th, 2009
1:20 pm

I am getting married this fall. I am keeping my name. My fiance is keeping his name, too.

Why didn’t I change my name? Because I already have one!

If my husband needs my name to change in order to realize my commitment to him, then he’s not worth marrying in the first place.

Laura

May 7th, 2009
1:23 pm

When I married, I did not change my last name because it is so 20th century to do that, and it also smacks of slave names. You know, you BELONG to your husband. Snap out of it ladies – a real partner should not require you to change your name. Now put down that little mermaid blanket and join the real world.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:27 pm

My last name is so uncommon that I’ve never met anyone with it that wasnt related but she’ll have to adapt.

Truth – Your last name is rather groovy. I like one syllable names like that.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
1:28 pm

I only pay bills that have my last name only. When I get married she becomes my responsibility, not her parents (maiden name) or half mine and half her parents (hyphenated last name)

kate X

May 7th, 2009
1:30 pm

I kept my family name and am proud of it. Why? Few reasons — I had a career beginning under my family last name, written before I was married (professor, with several publications out), but that was not the main reason. I am from a family of all girls (4 sisters). Everyone took their husbands’ names but me. My dad’s name will die out on our side of the family if someone did not keep it alive. So I did.

And my husband (of 23 years, no less!) is fine with us having 2 last names. And hey, there is one advantage to having 2 last names — when the telemarketers call and ask for “Mrs. Y” I can honestly say that “I’m sorry, she is dead” — and it is true, my husband’s mom HAS died about 10 years ago! Stops them in their tracks to hear that!!!

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
1:31 pm

@Laura, the WLBs don’t like mermaid blankets. Put your vest on! J/K!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:32 pm

I only pay bills that have my last name only.

LOL I like that.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:32 pm

My dad’s name will die out on our side of the family if someone did not keep it alive. So I did.

Kate X Won’t it die out anyway when you do? Do any of your children have your maiden name?

I can keep my father’s name, but the name will still die when I do.

kate X

May 7th, 2009
1:34 pm

To AmazonRed: We had intended to hyphenate childrens’ last names, but unfortunately, due to the big ‘c’, had no children.

Pizen

May 7th, 2009
1:35 pm

When we got married, I said to my wife to either keep her maiden name or take mine. None of this dual name/hyphenated crap. Her parents had all daughters, and I could understand if she wanted to keep the name going. She chose to take my name, which honors me like you wouldn’t believe.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
1:35 pm

Kinda hard to become one with two different last names.
Ephesians 5:31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one.

Some more food for thought:
I Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife. She gave up her name to take yours. Honor means that you should show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and emotional support. Be sure that as her husband that you do not hold her up to ridicule in public by the cutting remarks that you make. She wears YOUR name and is to viewed as part of your body. She is not perfect and you are aware of this. Do not expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, “forbear one another”. This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior
.

IDK

May 7th, 2009
1:35 pm

I have a very unique last name, where anyone with it is my relative as well, and I would never give it up. Once I married, I agreed to hyphenate it, but would never completely drop it.
Furthermore, from what I understand, the “tradition” started because the wife and children of a man were considered his property, and that is why they took his name. I think we as a society are past that….

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:36 pm

kate X I’m sorry to hear that. Hope all is well with you and hubby now. :)

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
1:37 pm

I’ve been married 7 years and have never changed my name. I use my married name at work, but have never legally changed it. So all legal docs have maiden name on them. I had a lot of assets before I met hubby and honestly didn’t want to go through the hassle of changing everything
I would have used the hyphen thing, but hubbies name together with mine would have been way too long. My husband doesn’t care, but if and when we have children they will have his last name.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
1:39 pm

@Raqi,

Pay the my last name only bills…that just my personal outlook on things..lol

MELO

May 7th, 2009
1:39 pm

Afternoon folks:
ajc home page:Baby dies with pacifier taped :grin: :evil: :twisted:

that constant n’eeeee,n’eeeeee,n’eeeeee, crying can be a real bother to some!!

Raqi,kids names:
another can of worms :grin:
Lets see:

Obamaneesha
Shangtulela
Shaneequa,Shaineeeka,
Kwaindeela
Doneesha
Shabuteeleeza
Gwendoleeza
Condoleeza
Ghonoleeza
Go on…….
Plze just stop it african americans!

TH

May 7th, 2009
1:40 pm

I planned on keeping my maiden name as I was the last daughter to marry, had no brothers to keep the family name going and I had a very unique maiden name. I then realized that the family name would end with me anyway as any children I may have will take their father’s name so why not!! I know my husband and my in-laws appreciated the gesture. I still have the same initials and my married name is so much easier to pronounce!!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
1:40 pm

MO My hair was the longest it’s ever been. And I was SOOOO bored. There’s no point in having longer hair if you’re not doing anything with it. And mine was healthy. So many hold onto long, limp, hair. What kinda highlights are you aiming for, honey blondish? I had some beautiful red ones inspired by one of Eva Longoria’s colors for whoever her endorsement deal is with. I may revive it with the re-cut.

PROFESSOR I like being thought of as an asset. Yea, I’m goin with the play on words. If I give myself to someone I’d have to come to accept him interpreting it as having a sense of ownership. But it can’t be claustrophibic, cave man, you’re GONNA change yo’ name, woman style. I’m much better with a calmly expressed request or respectful objection to my considering something against the grain.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
1:41 pm

Everyone should have had lunch outside today! It’s nice and breezy out.

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
1:41 pm

“….You know, you BELONG to your husband.” I didn’t realize so many women shared this sentiment. When I got married, I viewed giving my wife my last name as a precious gift. It represents my bloodline, my forefathers, and our tribe. Of all the women in the world, I asked her to share it. If she would’ve declined for whatever reason, I would’ve been a little hurt.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
1:41 pm

OH!

We have lots of guests!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
1:41 pm

Afternoon everybody…

On Topic: What’s in a name?…hmmmm

I’d actually not mind at all, IF I were to ever get married…changing my last name completely. Heyal, my birth certificate already states the last name I was born under and with a last name like mine, I’ll never forget it. My first name is pretty simply, very easy to remember and has the meaning —> “to be open”…and that I definitely am. I also really like my middle name, especially the way some of the papis pronounce them both, since they tend to claim its orgin anyway (lol)….just rolls right off ya’ tongue. LOL….But my last name???…I’ve been tormented, teased and given the snicker many a roll call in school…some of the fellas in middle school began to call me by my last name, since some of them thought it was kinda cool. I would not say that its a common last name, but it’s DEFINITELY a common word!…meaning more than one….aww heyal, lemme hush! That’ll give it away completely. Haha…

I often wonder where in the heyal did it come from, since I’ve looked it up as well….so I’ve come to the conclusion that this last name could have possibly been made up by my ancestors, who dumped the name of their slavemasters/owners and simply represented themselves as “a people” . …and Ms. MyTwo and Cee just hush!!! LOL

However, once talking to an ex…. and I just “luv” how the week’s topics has been circulating around that particular era, yeah, being sarcastic …but his last name began with an “S” . We got on the subject several times, just for kicks…but it turned serious when brutha man said without a blink nor stutter ….”Look here, ANY woman that I PROPOSE to, must take MY last name without any hyphenation, whatsoever…if she really wants to be on my team…and if not, we already have a problem.”

I know why he stressed that, particularly with my concern, that if I were to marry any man, with the same (lastname) initial…my full initials would be A.S.S?!?!…didn’t sit well with me (at first) and I wasn’t about to ditch my middle name either and replace it with a last name that I was taunted with most of my life. So I thought it over some more, and actually liked it!…love raising a few eyebrows myself, especially when I’m telling the gawd honest truth. Imagine any legal docs that I’d signed….just A.S.S everywhere!! Lmao

Lurker Oh gurl, it’s alright! Lol…it was my understanding that the ville was experiencing a few technical difficulties, but it still sucked since most of us are not trying to go back and read pg 2, when most are on pg 4…especially not for one post. Which was the reason why it appeared that I was repeating myself. Hahahaaa… WD we good chickadee!

Now, as for my daughters…I’ll be back with that one….ish is getting too long. Lol

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 7th, 2009
1:42 pm

W8m I applaud you. I aint dropping loot on a chick that wont wear my name. Then again the chicks saying this ish never met the one but wound up marrying the one that asked. LOL

Question: Why go your whole life wanting a traditional ceremony, like marriage, and then not want the traditions that go with it?

Ared Furry Truth, has a nice ring to it doesn’t it?

Tazz, you gotta get the music hooked up first, then the alcohol, crown royal, then the food, kfc will do but get a big bucket. Then get out the way so i can go to work.

Ok, I’m making tentative plans to hit Dubai end of this month. I say tentative because I cant go if I dont have my passport back. It costs around $45-80 round trip.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
1:42 pm

MY2CENTS…I say the same thing. Beyonce is robotic I only like her as a singer. As an actress she sucks. And when she interviews she just seems cookie cutter…no personality….boring!

“GMEHL Do you think the divorce was somewhat due to your refusal to submit on the name thing, which could’ve led to his resentment about other things?”
Girl…If that was the reason than girl good riddings. It is something so trivial. Again…it’s justa bloody name. GEEZ! :lol:

SEASONEDBELLE…I agree with you. Men love to try to get women to do something they woudln’t do. I will always tell people…don’t ask me to do what you wouldn’t do?

GAHOCKEYMOM…KUDOS! More men should be more secure in their manhood to to understand that. Marriage has so many new expectations. I think that is why we have so many divorces. All of a sudden you get hitched you are supposed to become this totally different person. Well you must have fallen in love with the person you thought I would become…not the person I was. For instance…if you were living with you fiancee before marriage and she was never the person to cook…why do you now expect her to be Suzie Homemaker? If that man was not Mr. Fix-It before…why do you expect him to be that now? I think we new expectations stop being forced we may actually see a decline in divorces. I am a what you see is what you get person.

CRYSTAL…”Changing your last name will not change who your are!” Not true…some people have a certain connection to their last name. I do not…but I feel I have always been who I am…and will remain. Respect on both sides to me is his respecting my decision to keep my name and my respect to him is to add. Again…see if a man would change his name.

LEGGS…I do not bad mouth her..I just say she is talented as a performer…not an actress.

PROFESSOR…”And needless to say the entire name-changing thing makes me feel like property, an asset, something that was merely acquired and/or purchased”…my pint exactly. Isn’t that how slaves got there last names….their “master” gave it to them as a sign of ownership?

CANDACE….D*mn girl…I am not mad at you. I feel the same way.

Suellen

May 7th, 2009
1:44 pm

I know this is all a personal choice, but I personally don’t understand why any girl/woman wouldn’t keep her own name when she gets married. If a man insists on it – and you’re an independent type – it’s a pretty good sign that he’s not the one for you. You lose too much of your identity when you take your husband’s name – you become Mrs. Somebody – and nothing similar happens to the husband. A man would never put up with having to change his last name upon marriage, so why should a woman change hers. I know that it’s a tradition, but it’s a tradition from very, very long ago, when the roles of women were quite differnt. Back when women couldn’t even own property in their own name.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
1:45 pm

I’m convinced.

Melo smokes. Yous a complete fool.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
1:48 pm

mytwo – that is me!! I am sooo over this long hair!! I need something different, I dont wear ponytails so there is really no need for all this extra length. I dont know what color highlights I want to add (since I have some..just not enough). But my girl that did them moved away so I need someone that is great with color

Laura

May 7th, 2009
1:49 pm

@Leggs – guess my white is showing because I don’t understand your comment.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
1:49 pm

had a lot of assets before I met hubby ……My husband doesn’t care…..

He cares more for ur loot tho.I wld if i were him :lol:

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:52 pm

When you get married you will always be a Mrs. Somebody. Either Mrs. Husband or Mrs. Father.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
1:52 pm

Ok, I’m making tentative plans to hit Dubai end of this month.

Yay, presents! *smiling sweetly* :lol:

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
1:52 pm

Hello Beautiful people!

This is really a traditional topic, My wife can keep her maiden name if it is really important to her!

Stacye(Mamba):regarding your 10:53 post

But if by chance I lose my mind and decided to marry, I would add my hubby’s name. By marrying him..he is an addition to the life I already had before him.

Stacey how does Mamba-Hunter sound? :smile:

Atlborn

May 7th, 2009
1:53 pm

Sup folks!

I like the topic Wise.
I’m of the ilk that the woman a man marries should take on his name. Marriage is supposed to be about unity, becoming one, but so many ladies seem to be determined to overly demonstrate their individuality by retaining their name. Like some of the other guys said on here today, if u are unwillingly to take the man’s name then why marry him.

I’m not a fan of the hyphenated names either. I don’t think a man wanting his wife to take on his name signals he’s insecure either. Why would a man be “secure” in his own identity just because he does not care either way if his wife takes on his name or not. In my opinion he may be insecure if he has no opinion on the matter at all.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 7th, 2009
1:54 pm

Sueellen, you dont want to take his name, or be his so called “servant”, or have to follow him, or give up your independence or do anything. Why not just stay single and you can keep your name?

Mo, I can cut your hair but I only know one style and i’m wearing it. If your interested let me know and i’ll give you a blog discount. Instead of the normal $10 I’ll only charge you $14. Additional color is $47.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:55 pm

And do folks really believe taking on the name of your spouse makes you lose your identity. Is that all you are, your father/mother’s last name?

I don’t get that.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
1:56 pm

CANDACE Have you already made him aware of this and how did it go over?

W8 I’m diggin that 1 Peter!

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
1:57 pm

@Laura, no problem. I was being funny about the mermaid blankets. Saying we’re all tough cookies up in this camp and don’t need any mermaid blankets because we’re grown. J/K = Just Kidding! A corny joke gone wrong..that’s all. Also, the blog vest is what we put on when someone “attempts” to read another one their rights! Understand now?

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
1:57 pm

@MELO hubby came to the marraige with his own assets too…believe that! But when you do have multiple assets and are also have dual citizen of another country where some of those assets are, changing your name and updating paperwork, passports, ect it just becomes a headache. I guess hubby understood because he also came to the table with ‘assets’ he also has dual citizenship and us being married says it all anyway. Name change or not I’m his wife no matter what my last name is.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
1:57 pm

I still say look at Monica Kaufman Pearson. She lost nothing in taking on her husband’s name. She is still the most well-known black female news personality out there.

Jay

May 7th, 2009
1:59 pm

MO. It was just a thought. Being you got your maiden back. With your daughter having your maiden name. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reason. As a safety net. Thats a way to keep your names similiar. Thats all.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
1:59 pm

ATL – Thanks for the referral.

abc

May 7th, 2009
1:59 pm

I’d say that if you don’t want his name (or want to keep your father’s name more), and if you don’t want to feel as if you belong to him, then a husband isn’t what you want. A husband is more than a boyfriend, equal partner, and so on. A husband asks and deserves more, because a from a husband you get more.

If he’s not husband material, don’t marry him. If you don’t want to be a true wife, don’t expect to have a true husband. The best you’ll get is a boyfriend.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:01 pm

And just to stir the pot a bit. When I got divorced back in 2002 part of my decree was to have her change her name back to her maiden name.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:01 pm

So as some would have it today two people get married and should opt not to share names, bank accounts, bills, personal living space, hobbies, interests, friends…

If you put together a lot that is read here that is pretty much what you get.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:03 pm

abc man I really like you.

Atlborn

May 7th, 2009
2:03 pm

SexyCool – No problem. Glad you can help her out.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
2:05 pm

Ms. Moca with the initials A.S.S. Between you and Tazzee and the names & initials have me laughing. While you both have nice names. Not like Cemeeli’s government name.

mqew Has a cute name, too.

Truth The Stylist?!!!? From a dude that wears a turban.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
2:06 pm

@W8, I too had my maiden named restored in my divorce decree. I found it interesting that a lot of people don’t do this and then have to go back to court.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:08 pm

@abc I think you are correct with your last statement…

@mytwocents..as men it’s out duty to make her 1 Peter comfortable..lol

abc

May 7th, 2009
2:09 pm

I think I’ve mentioned your impeccable taste before, Raqi!

You usually make sense to me, too.

CK9

May 7th, 2009
2:11 pm

I just married and am keeping my name for now until my husband figures out what exactly he wants his last name to be. We have a very special circumstance… his parents divorced and he ended up with his mom’s last name as it happened. Now we’re talking about changing it to his father’s name (as I believe it should be) but he’s resisting because of the nature of their relationship. (It was bad.) So… right now, we are in limbo. I told my husband I would not be changing my last name until he changes his. No point in both of us having the wrong last name, that’s how I see it!

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:11 pm

@Leggs, you aren’t my ex wife are you..lol. Seriously changing the last name back after divorce should be common practice.

hryder

May 7th, 2009
2:13 pm

In our society the normal process is the use of the males surname for the newly formed family. In some societies it is the females surname. In other societies no one changes and the resultant offsprings’ surnames vary as to how established. We, my wife and I, prefer the males surname and we do not personally know anyone named differently. Our grandsons carry as their middle name our daughter-in-laws maternal grandparents(the oldest)and the surname of her parents(the youngest). In our minds to employ another surname, other than the males, in our society insults a way of life, changing definitions that have existed for centuries. Not unlike defining gay as a homosexual person rather than meaning being a happy person. Along this line of thought, Marriage is between one male and one female in our society by definition. Any other arraignment should be named differently but could legally be permitted all ramifications of a marriage. The basic thing being that marriage came about as a legal and moral method of perpetuating the species naturally. Male-male or female-female couples require at least one person of the opposite sex outside the relationship to be involved for the species to be perpetuated. This is some type of triangle and does not meet the definitiion of a marriage, it is tacitly understood that heterosexual modifies marriage.

LIONESS- Trees are Dangerous!

May 7th, 2009
2:13 pm

MIA needs to STAY off of the homepage of the ajc..

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:16 pm

your impeccable taste before LMBO. Pretty good there.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:17 pm

CK9 how old is your husband that he is dealing with such an issue?

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
2:19 pm

MOCA Mamita, mira lo: I really like the idea of letting you know you’re an A.S.S. and having the marriage documents to prove it! Hmmm Maybe you should make nice and revisit that, just for ya buddy, tatas. Shoot, I’d be willing to come outta retirement & pay the last $18.75 to get my gold lame bridesmaid gown off layaway for that ceremony. From the sounds of it, y’all stubborn behinds might get to fussin right up at the altar, have a fit of passion n try to consummate the marriage fo’ the preacher finish his spiel. Come back still angry n disheveled just to finish the vows. Yeah, that kinda entertainment will be worth the trip to the Key West location I’ve already selected.

I know, I know, I know how much you hate me right now chick ;) Lawd where’s the rollie round the floor emotie when I need him?!?!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
2:19 pm

As for my daughters….I really see no real reason than for (some) folks being too busy worrying about “how it looks” to other people, who have absolutely nothing, contribute nothing to your family’s livelihood and/or well being. I’m not one to prove anything to folks who simply do not matter to me.

Now, I’d actually consider it, if “my husband” were to ask if he could adopt them…especially being that “the other half” has been out of the picture for quite sometime. But I’d also ask my daughters how they’d feel about their names being changed as well…just to get their perspective(s) on how comfortable they’d feel in general. Because different last names, subconsciously puts somewhat of a divide…may not be physically, but emotionally, mentally even..

Bottomline, all that really concerns me, is that I’m placing their well beings in the hands of the man that I love, trust, respect and honor…who’s shown, just as much as he’s told “us” of his devotion to being a great leader, visionary and provider …always on the frontlines to protect and claim what is rightfully his, whether by blood or by love.

…and this goes vice versa…I remember when this same man and I had this convo and he reversed….gotta respect a man looking out for his seed by getting down to some real heavy, hard-hitting questions. And I simply replied: “your son does not have to be biologically mine, in order for him to be “mine”. I wouldn’t treat another person’s child(ren) no more or less than I treat, care and/or love my own. Same last name or not….that child(ren) and I would be bound by more than just A NAME.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
2:19 pm

Common place, you would think! My husband’s last name only identifies me as his wife. My maiden last name identifies my familial roots. So, being divorced why would I keep his name? Hell, I didn’t want to keep him certainly don’t want to keep his name. His name lives on with his daughter whose familial roots starts with the both of us!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
2:19 pm

part of my decree was to have her change her name back to her maiden name.

That would hurt. Especially if I had kids. But hey, our family is breaking up anyway, so I’d just have to get over that.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
2:20 pm

sleepy – I need some caffeine!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
2:22 pm

Hell, I didn’t want to keep him certainly don’t want to keep his name

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Tell us how you really feel, Leggs.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
2:22 pm

English Girl got u, so u english and america and hes american and what??
Wish u the best with hubby.
Read abc’s 1.59 tho.Very intstructive.Thats the marriage mindset iam on.
Sometimes females will do things in a union that they may regret later.Tho a name is symbolic,it means a whole lot,esp to the man.
Just as well u have money.U can always bounce and be on ur 2 feet if it dont work out.
Good luck!!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
2:23 pm

LIONESS I love the new voices and am always tryna lure lurkers out. Well, I try to delegate that to Main Lurker but she shuns my requests more often than not to keep the crazy status quo as unstable as it already is… How did you find the blog? I think I stumbled thru the site and came across it when I was bored outta my mind. Tempin ain’t easy, but it sure was fun!

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
2:23 pm

My first name i love, my lastname is from foreign.

A few names that I enjoy writing: Moriah, Abigail, Deasia, Evan, Kaveri, Lyric, Serenity, Omar, Jacob, Treasure, Stacey, Samolia, Chloe, Shamola, Dexter, Enon….

All these names are relative to me in some way or the other.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:24 pm

Now, I’d actually consider it… Jamoca I agree.

If the paternal father is not even active in the child’s life physically and/or financially why not let it be. As I see it it could actually be beneficial to the child to be included in the inheritance. What does the child have to lose? The adjoining name of a deadbeat is the only thing I can think of.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
2:25 pm

MyTwo/Mo – I am so with you on the long hair thing. I guess because I had very long hair growing up & my mother would not allow me to cut it until like jr year of high school, and only in a shoulder-length bob. As soon as I went away to college I got it cut short the old Halle style. It was a way to exert my independence! It’s gone up & down since then and I had it very long again until about a year ago. I have a short bob again. I get SO BORED with long hair! There is not jack I could do except a ponytail! I get so sick of folks coming up whining to me about “why did you cut that long pretty haaaiirrr???”! It will grow back and if it doesn’t, oh well! Getting me some highlights this summer too!! I like to look sassy and stylish! I’ve dated dudes in the past that took it as a personal afront to THEM that I cut MY hair! Glad my SO is not hung up on hair – he said he liked my sassy cut! Good, cause Imma do what I want anyway!

On topic- Everyone should do what works for them. One guy sees it as a slap in the face if wifey does not want his name, while the other guy does not care. Everyone is not traditional and should not be looked down on if they don’t want to follow tradition! You should know each other well by the time you get engaged, so it should not be a surprise about the whole name thing. Plus, changing ones name and being all traditional still won’t guarantee your marriage is going to work! Personally, I’d prefer it if a dude approached me like “I’d really consider it an honor if you would take my family name”, versus “My name or the highway”!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
2:30 pm

It will take me a minimum of 80,000 SkyMiles to get to Dubai…

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:31 pm

@Red
It really wasnt an issue. My ex went back to her maiden name and my daughter still has my name, until she grows up and gets married.

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
2:31 pm

mytw♥cents – ALTWEN Uhm, why did your brother go AWOL for two years, was your family fighting harder against her than he was about it and didn’t it all just confuse the kids?

I know, I know, the questioned was asked like 5 hours ago but I’m still going to answer it.

Basically, he stopped paying child support. He was paying $1200 a month for my twin nieces; but that amount was based on a lot of overtime. Once it was permanently cut, he couldn’t afford to pay it anymore.

Always afraid to take charge and be proactive, he just let it build up to the point where the police put a warrant out for his arrest and that is when he went into hiding.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:38 pm

Tazzee go for a short brisk walk, that may help.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
2:41 pm

Wow, I find it quite interesting that a few ladies are more concerned about keeping the tradition of their Father’s name alive then taking their husband’s last name. Let’s see did your mother take your father’s last name?

How would you ladies feel if you husband purchase you a crackerjack ring for the engagement/wedding band? Since buying an expensive ring has become part of the tradition…. Would that be o.k.?

Jusk asking! :wink:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
2:42 pm

I might have some heartburn if a lady I wanted to marry wanted to keep her ex-husband’s last name. There might be a hidden message there! It is probably academic though, I do not think marriage is in the cards anyway. I have successfully avoided it for a decade, so I might want to wait a few more decades…no use to rush into anything without thinking it through for 15 or 20 years of so ;-) .

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
2:42 pm

Raqi

I still say look at Monica Kaufman Pearson.

The thing that seems interesting with her IMO is this. She’s been married a couple of times before this time, but this is the first time that she changed the on-air name. In the past, her personal legal docs such as checks. She wouldn’t change the on-air personality.

Her daughter, Claire, and my sister were AAU basketball teammates back in the day. (Hence seeing a personal check from her) So, my parents are pretty good friends with her.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:47 pm

Cougar as it seem these days the marriage and the husband has to take a back seat to everything else.

You hear so much of “it was here before he was”, “I was doing xyz before he came along”, “i knew john doe before I knew him”, and so on.

How is it people expect the S/O to vow to be, but then play second fiddle to everything else pre-existing in their lives? I don’t get it.

Atltwen

May 7th, 2009
2:49 pm

Leggs – @Atltwen ~ first and foremost you have to walk w/confidence…Let go of the “choir boy” image you have of yourself and be a little more assertive.

I have self-confidence, but no confidence the I want or should to talk to you because I like the way you look from a distance. It’s such a shallow avenue of introducing and meeting a female because as a person and personality, she could be very unattractive. And that is way more important than her looks.

That is why I prefer to get some background a female before I approach so I will know what I’m getting myself into. However, that hasn’t been working so well because 90% of the female who want to talk to me I’m not interested in. And ones I want to talk, aren’t likely to be walking up to me – their too physically attractive for that.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:49 pm

Poppa maybe this one is truly special. Worth being named for. I thought she only had one prior marriage. I hadn’t heard of any others.

i'm swiss

May 7th, 2009
2:49 pm

It wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me if Swiss Miss didn’t want to take my name, but I’m happy that she does. (Love those traditional island girls) :-) To me, it’s a nice gesture of respect & commitment.

I’m sure she’ll keep her current name as a middle name or something, just because it has that nice French ring to it (well, when pronounced properly, which very few Americans ever do). Then again, my name is not bad, either — very English.

Off topic: To demonstrate what a good husband I am (or will be), it’s time to start getting dinner ready. Of course, I make it more fun for myself by drinking while I cook…

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
2:50 pm

What’s in a name? As some of you have stated if there is some family or spiritual significance I totally understand. If you are into the tradition and ‘taking on’ the mans name so be it! But this is the 21st century folks, no one should be looked down upon or judged because they decided to give up or keep a maiden name. A successful marraige is the true accomplishment. Just because I didn’t take my husbands name doesn’t make him any less than my husband…..@abc and MELO he is definately NOT my boyfriend just cause I didn’t take his name.

Mary

May 7th, 2009
2:50 pm

Cougar Hunter: I wouldn’t mind. The ring is just a piece of jewelry. I’d be mortified if he spent a small fortune on it. What matters is that we’d be spending our lives together.

Of course, I feel the same about weddings: it’s just a party. No need to spend all your money on it.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:51 pm

@Poppa maybe she finally me the right one

@Raqi..it’s amazing how that stuff takes second place, but yet they want to be in first all of the time?

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
2:52 pm

Raqi

How is it people expect the S/O to vow to be, but then play second fiddle to everything else pre-existing in their lives? I don’t get it.

The answer is the following……Many of those people really want a wedding and not a marriage, and are even lying to themselves in order to get it.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
2:55 pm

W8

@Poppa maybe she finally me the right one

Rumor has it that since he is a police officer, he kinda laid the ground rules if that things was gonna get done. She agreed.

He was the assistant police chief of DeKalb County. He may still be there. I just don’t know with all of the changes that are going on in the DeKalb Police Dept.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
2:56 pm

W8 You are correct. I don’t know of too many women who do not want to be first in their husband’s life. But you find so many of those same women not making him first in her’s.

Sorta like working for a company and wanting to be considered first for a upgraded position, however you don’t devote any extra time or effort into the job you already have. Sorta like that.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
2:57 pm

English Girl – I totally agree. People need to quit being so judgemental. Do you. Quit looking down your nose cause somebody else does not want to do you!

Just because something is a “tradition” does not mean it is law and must be followed. Yes, it is a new day and we are all free. Free to decide which “traditions” to follow and which to change and create new “traditions”. We can pick and choose traditions just like we can pick & choose mates. Find one who thinks the way you do, someone that shares your philosophy on certain traditions!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
2:58 pm

but this is the first time that she changed the on-air name. In the past, her personal legal docs such as checks. She wouldn’t change the on-air personality

she has learnt her lesson…no wondeer she was quick to change the name,this time around(to a police office at that)!,she must be thankful for the lessons in those other prior marriages. :lol:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
2:58 pm

This is going to probably Pi$$ Off some people here, but for a marriage/relationship etc. to work for long, there has to be at least some “mutual submission”. If one party thinks that he/she has to do all of the giving, then sooner or later the resentment starts building deep down. With each new insult/injury another row of bricks is added onto that wall between them until one day the parties cannot really remember why they were in the relationship. Sooner or later it will blow up and the other person, who has gotten used to always having his/her way is trying to quell a rebellion from someone they thoguth they knew.

It is what it is. People who always enforce the “my way or the highway” usually get to spend some quality time just with their pride sooner or later.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
2:59 pm

Suisse

Of course, I make it more fun for myself by drinking while I cook…

That is part of the man law Bill Of Rights….Thou shall drinketh while he cooketh

Where do you think Beer Can Chicken can from?..:lol:

-W8

May 7th, 2009
2:59 pm

@Raqi..And that’s why I am still single for now..lol

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:00 pm

Poppa you are fellow doer so you know how it goes. I would suspect that your wife come first in your life. Meaning her welfare and stance is considered when you make decisions. However I guarantee it would be easy for you to overlook her position if she was always putting the life she had prior to you before you. And I guarantee even more that she would not like being overlooked.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:01 pm

Randy – High five on your 2:58.

i'm swiss

May 7th, 2009
3:02 pm

“That is part of the man law Bill Of Rights…”

PG — Yep, one of the more important MLB rights, too. Right up there with the FIF (said in my best Dave Chappelle voice). ;-)

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:05 pm

RandyT

People who always enforce the “my way or the highway” usually get to spend some quality time just with their pride sooner or later.

That sentence is some of the truest words posted on this blog. It goes beyond relationships.

The jailhouse has a number of occupants because they held on to their pride.

Professor

May 7th, 2009
3:06 pm

Being the nice person that I am I will allow my future husband to change his name and use mine. There are two things that I am not doing if I get married (1) changing my name and (2) sharing bank accounts. Ohh I forgot to add that I am not sharing my Corvette either! Period.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:07 pm

English/Kimmie pple will always be judgemental,its in our nature.
Arent Kimmie judging ur hoe/tramp friend all the time.U know the one that sleeps from city to city.

English Girl,do u baby.But ofcourse i be watching and counting the yrs on ur holy matrimony :lol:

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
3:09 pm

kimmie – I get the same about my hair…”why do you want to cut it”. Im going back to the bob…its short enough without me going my usual drastic route. My father was the hair person in my house, hell I didnt have bangs til I was 15! So like you, when I got to college I chopped it all off (Jada Pinkett in Low Down Dirty Shame). And I’ve gone back and forth since….I like my highlights but want more and I am ready for a new look

Jay – I hear you. People were surprised that I changed my name back to my maiden name but I already had a s-i-l with the same name (first & last)and that was confusing enough so I gave mine back…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:11 pm

Raqi

you are fellow doer so you know how it goes. I would suspect that your wife come first in your life.

I treat our marriage like a business. We merged into one company. There was a transition period. Ultimately, we have one name. I am the CEO and she is the CFO. Both are officers and have power to the company. I take her word in consideration in every decision that involves us. Sometimes, though, I do make decisions with which she doesn’t agree. When my decision succeeds, I don’t throw it in her face, and when it doesn’t succeed, she doesn’t. That is where respect is a MUST.

I’ve told her that I think in terms of “we and not just me.”

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:12 pm

Suisse

FIF is probably the most important right, period. Sometimes, you gotta know when to keep your mouf shut.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
3:12 pm

@Professor..you want a boytoy not a man, good luck with that. And on the vette thing I understand nobody drives my Vette for any reason.

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
3:14 pm

@MELO are you serious …counting the years! Keep on counting sweetie. 10 years strong married for 7. Wow so judgemental…lol, by the way are you married or even in relationship cause if that’s how you judge my relationship based on me not taking my husbands name, I hate to see how you judge a potential mate. Good luck with that! :-)

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:18 pm

Okay, go ahead and make excuses for your “my way or the highway” attitude. I stand by what I said and don’t need correcting from you. Just because some people don’t want to follow tradition and their way works for them does not make them a bad person. The most successful people in the world are the ones that were innovative and decided to step outside of the box and not subscribe to group-think. I applaud people like that.

As for my friend, the problem I have with her is that she has a 13 year old daughter that is hurting because of her mother’s lifestyle. She had a major breakdown a few weeks ago(the daughter), but her mother is only concerned about the man. I didn’t talk about it on here because it is just too much and I am still a little distraught about it. I’ve known that child since she was born, so yes I take issue. If my friend did not have her, she could be with a different dude everyday of the week, knock herself out, she’s grown. But she’s a mother, so that changes everything, at least I think it should.

KoolAid House

May 7th, 2009
3:19 pm

English Girl – meet Melo. Melo, for her to ask that question she doesn’t know anything about your history. Be nice. We need new residents!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:19 pm

RANDY I can rock with those sentiments… And not to move in on Wise’s unofficial territory since y’all got a thang, but that Jesse James lineage works for me lolol

PG/Swizz Alcohol & Cooking – I go the extra mile and try to incorporate the libation of choice into the meal as well. I poured SoCo over pineapple on Sunday. Last nite I drizzled some nice salmon filets with some more SoCo (in addition to Honey, Adobo and whatever else) and topped it with the pineapple. Add some jasmine rice n fresh veggie saute, I thought I was in a Malaysian restaurant. Mmm mmm good!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:20 pm

Melo – My 3:18 is addressed to you, in case you didn’t know.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
3:20 pm

Kimmie&Mo What would you do if you’d cared for your daughter’s hair (long, healthy, nice ) for years and at 15 or 18 she want’s to cut or color it some not so becoming color?

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
3:22 pm

@Raqi: I absolutely luv your prospective on marriage!

I am not sure why so many ladies seem to think they would lose themselves in a marriage! Even though marriage is hardwork the benefits of a good marriage will outweigh all intrensic rewards and financial accomplishments in life.

During this past year we have seen where the family/marriage is not more important then the loss of a job/income. Not to say their were a lot of great marriages in the past but they endured extremely hard times ( A famine and a depression in 1930’s) and most made it thru, now with a recession upon us and a rising divorce rate it makes you wonder what lies in the future for marriage!

anonymousella

May 7th, 2009
3:22 pm

@cougar hunter, i’d (sort of) be following my mama’s example. she took my dad’s name, but never changed it on any of her bank accounts until she was forced to (not entirely sure what happened. i think her bank matched up her SSN and address to my dad’s and combined their accounts. all marital property anyway, really. but she was *not* happy about that). i think her driver’s license had her maiden name on it until i was an adult.

@raqi to answer your question: it depends on the vow. for some folks, it’s the promise to be companions, co-own property, and raise kids should any result. it’s not a promise to give up their interests or their identities or desires, but a promise to work together so that both people feel happy and fulfilled — not that one thrives and the other’s identity is subsumed.

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
3:23 pm

People rioting over free chicken

i'm swiss

May 7th, 2009
3:25 pm

My2 — That does sound good. Of course, a lot depends on exactly what it is that you’re drinking. I’m not sure Everclear pork loin would be a hit w/ Swiss Miss. :lol:

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:26 pm

As for my friend, the problem I have with her is that she has a 13 year old
there u go again on ur friend,tolerant of ur judgement but not tolerant of mine or his or hers over there.
Right or wrong,pple will judge u..u need to have a thick skin.
English Girl, i said good luck,no beef here,Best wishes all the way baby! But judgemental??
U bet!
by the way are you married or even in relationship
I do have a Queen(as in wife) that carries my name and have relationed many girlz prior to her.Wld not have had it any other way,unless if she had money like u,wanted to keep her name and i was poor.I wld have gone in for the lottery’s sake i guess.Tempting! :lol:

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
3:27 pm

Cemeeli – I wouldnt allow her to cut it at 15, UNLESS she showed me that she could maintain/take care of it. Now as for the color…not til you are 18 & no hideous colors…outside of that I am game. For me, the fact that I couldnt made me want to. And as far as maintenance…I go to a salon for one reason: color. Outside of that I dont set FOOT into a salon!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:29 pm

Sister Cee – At 15 she’s still under my roof. I would let her cut it if she wanted, but some crazy color would have to wait until she’s out of my house. I have no problem with being a little non-traditional and letting a child express themselves to a certain extent. But hopefully I can get across to her how radical haircolors and crazy piercings and tattoos won’t help you in the workplace, unless you are in a very creative profession. I believe in giving a child choices instead of making all of them for them. For example, these ghetto parents that pierce their son’s ears. That child is going to be labeled coming out of the gate. He never had a choice. Now at 18, hopefully my daughter is at somebody’s university and can make the choices she needs to ensure a successful future for herself. Most of my work should be complete.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:29 pm

tatas

SoCo fan, huh? I ain’t madatcha.

JD, Jim Bean, and even some E&J has been known to make it way into the dish or just barbecue sauce. I, once, even manage to find a suitable cooking use of Pabst Blue Ribbon. That stuff is just too bad to drink. Where I grew up PBR was known as the Choice for trailer parks..along with Natural Light. Any beer that you can get for $4.99 a case can’t be that great.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
3:29 pm

@mytw♥cents LOL

Note to Wise (hey, we need to be more careful, I’m getting the sense that “they” may be on to us and the secret may be getting leaked somehow!!! Ssshhhh (LOL)

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:30 pm

Melo – My 3:18 is addressed to you, in case you didn’t know

Oh Kimmie,i was one step ahead.Im the only one that brings out the best in u,am i not :lol:

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:33 pm

Melo – I’m not being intolerant of your judgement. I really could care less what you think, just having a friendly debate. Thick skin is not really required in this case, cause I don’t give a sh–! That’s saved for real life stuff. And yeah, I have a soft spot for my god-daughter and what she’s going thru because of her mothers lifestyle.

For Real

May 7th, 2009
3:33 pm

OKAY, NOW TELL ME AGAIN WHY A DUDE SHOULD GET MARRIED???????

DAYUM THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE, THESE CHICK WANT THE WIFE EXPERIENCE!!!!!

AGAIN, THE ONLY THING MARRIAGE DOES IS GIVE THE OTHER PERSON LEGAL RIGHTS TO YOUR ISH!!!!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:34 pm

Anon I agree because I am not talking about giving up who you are or what you like. I am talking about the many statements that we hear of folks saying XYZ is more important than the person they vowed to “promise to be companions, co-own property, and raise kids should any result”. It seems to be a lot of this, that and the other first and then you “my dear” follow after.

I have said it before I know a few people that will not bat an eye if their employer tells or ask them to do something, but if their spouse makes 1/4 of a request that get backlash.

Everything else is more important than the marriage these days. Not even just as important, but more important.

You will find more folks that will change or upgrade their appearance (attire) to hold a work position faster than they would if their spoused asked them to “wear this. I think you would look nice.”

That’s all I am saying.

abc

May 7th, 2009
3:36 pm

English, what does it being the 21st century have to do with it? People throw that phrase around, but it doesn’t seem to have much meaning. Do you mean to say that as time goes on (and on and on) that which was true before becomes no longer true, simply due to the date?

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
3:37 pm

TRUTH…”Why go your whole life wanting a traditional ceremony, like marriage, and then not want the traditions that go with it?” I guess that is why I woudl not want a traditional ceremony!

SSUELLEN…my point exactly! Mrs. Somebody! Dang what happened to her own identity? She had a life before marriage! That name change crap was when all a woman had to look forward to was getting married and popping out rugrats! New Day…so why are some things so archaic?

COUGAR… :lol: Too funny!

ABC….a True Husband or True Wife depends on the actual people. Not all people are the same. Not everybody wants the same things. Hence I my rebel stance on what “society” says everyone should be. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Changing to fit in to a mold only make you unhappy! Then that is when the feeling trapped and doubts and other things creep in an cause problems.

CEMEELI…aw you like my name…ok it’s spelled different! :lol:

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:37 pm

People rioting over free chicken

Lioness I almost responded with a joke to that statement but then realized it may come off as being to racial. I might have been funny though.

Where is Aggressively Witty. He would spew a joke no matter who it may or may not have offended.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
3:38 pm

For Real – Again, why are you yelling? Why do marital topics bring out such disdain?

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:38 pm

Melo – I’m not being intolerant of your judgement

We str8 then.Squashed.
I got a loud and wild mouth and I will honor,respect and defend every blogger’s right to wild out on me too!
I will cry silently when hurt.

-W8

May 7th, 2009
3:40 pm

Hmm maybe at the ripe old age of 36 I am to old school to think that my Wife (when I find her) should be the most valuable thing on this earth followed by our kids who are bringing up a close second. Probably just the examples of marriage i have seen in my family..but, that last name better be mine..lol

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
3:40 pm

RAqi- Go ahead with the joke! People on here are sensitive NO MATTER what is being said :) I need a good laugh cause this topic is too deep!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:41 pm

ENGLISH GAL Perhaps you missed this earlier – don’t get involved with half of this mess…especially our Zulu friend’s. Just try to sift thru til you find the more salient points mixed in with the shenanigans.

PG Sounds like some beer battered seafood and onion rings at the very least. Since y’all like to host – spades & a Fishfry this weekend? I’ll bring the Red Bumble Bees!

Professor

May 7th, 2009
3:41 pm

@W8, please kindly note that Professor does not want anything. I have three simple rules that will keep the peace in the house. For what its worth I feel that my name does not change my heart; which means, love and commitment is not founded on a name. As for the money, needless to say I have a system in place that has been tried and tested. So I am not starting over trying to merge someone into my bank accounts. We can start a household account and keep it moving.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:42 pm

Melo – Don’t cry babe!

KoolAid House

May 7th, 2009
3:42 pm

Enter your comments here

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
3:43 pm

Hmm maybe at the ripe old age of 36 I am to old school to think that my Wife (when I find her) should be the most valuable thing on this earth followed by our kids who are bringing up a close second.

W8 – There are a lot of folks who agree with this and several people have confessed to traditional marital viewpoints like yours.

You’re not alone here buddy, okay?

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
3:43 pm

@MELO Oh I get it you’re one of those people. You don’t judge people you just assume everyone is like you…….now it makes sense. :-) Also as I stated before hubby came into the marraige with assets too. We both had businesses and met cause we are in the same line of work. Just want to clarify the judgements….no harm done, no beef on my part either!

I’m glad you have a relationship that works for you, guess my hubby liked that we were evenly yoked spiritually, mentally and financially.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
3:44 pm

I kinda want to chime in, but there’s nothing left to be said. Soooo

Does anyone have an Alarm Force security system? I’m going to get one. Now all I need to do is decide on my television provider – I really wish Comcast and NFLN would work out their problems. I want NFLN and VH1 Soul

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
3:45 pm

@Atlwen ~

“That is why I prefer to get some background a female before I approach so I will know what I’m getting myself into”…well the only way I see you being able to do this is if friends are trying to set you up on blind dates. Glad you have “self-confidence.” You need that confidence to walk up to someone in the mall w/o knowing there background. You have to learn to step out on faith and gather that background info as you get to know the person.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:45 pm

Dang what happened to her own identity?

Staceye it was not “her” own. It was either her father’s or mother’s, but not her own. Now if you want an identity separate for that you inherited or married to, change your name altogether. Drop your inherited name and be a sole identity that you created for yourself.

And changing your name does not end your life. Just because you become Mr. and Mrs. Cougar and Staceye Hunter does not make you less of the woman you were before then. If you were moving mountains before Mr. C. Hunter came along, keep moving them after him is in your life. Being Mrs. Hunter does take away your strength.

That’s the biggest misconception ever advertised.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
3:47 pm

@Raqi re 3:34 post. I cannot address how many marriages ultimately have come unraveled because one “partner” put everything and everyone in front of their “partner”, but I know at up close and personal at least one marriage that died because of this very sentiment. Some people (probably most people) tend to forget who and what are/should be the most important people in their lives and consequently they “prioritize” wrong once, twice…a thousand times too often (thinking they will “make it up to their spouse/SO soon…yeah right).

Why is it that so many of us take the one person for granted the most, that is the one person that can give us the most happiness…or the most sadness? As we noted yesterday, people are weird.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
3:48 pm

Mo/Kimmie – The reason i ask is because i came back home from a summer break when i was 15 years old and i had a perm. My mom did a good job taking care of my notty head, every week. Week, after week….
My auntie who had a beautician girlfriend approved for me to get this perm, right? So i’m calling Mrs. Betty and she told me whenever i come to the Shop she was ready to put it in. Of coure, why i went that very next day? And my mom didn’t know. So my aunt eventually called and told her. Lemme back up. First off my mom was the braid queen and could do hair back when i was younger. She was the neighborhood “braid” lady for folks she know she’d braid the girls hair. Okay my hair was ALWAYS dime tight when braided…ALWAYS!

Okay so i get back to Atlanta with my virgin perm, and she was NOT upset! I was so suprised!!! So after a day or two, she says okay so you still wearing it in a ponytail, why you get a relaxer and all you wanna do is where a ponytail. So i say; “oh mamma, you wanna cut and style my hair?” (thinking she was just as excited). Momma says “Ah, is that what you thought child?”…”YOU, are going to take care of that. Since you’ve gotten to grown for wash and straightening, i figure you’ve got this perm thing figured out.”

I think both my aunt, grandma, and mamma, were relieved becuase they did not have to do my wash and staightening anymore.

I did not miss them doing it either!!!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:48 pm

ARED COULD IT BE THAT HE YELLS HIS LIST ‘O DEMANDS AT WOMEN IN REAL LIFE? AND THEY SAY YOU GOTTA MARRY ME IF I’M GONNA PUT UP WITH THIS ISH?!?!

AGAIN, WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF WOMEN MARRYING CRAZY ME, JUST TO BE MARRIED? NONE! BUT WE CAN LOVE BEYOND THE FOOLISHNESS, WHILE MANY OF Y’ALL PICK US APART WHEN LESS THAN PERFECTION!

W8 Have you visited before? Please come again.

For Real

May 7th, 2009
3:48 pm

Ared: I’m yelling because I had to pee and forgot to turn the caps lock off. No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage. However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal. It just seems to me that chicks are talking out of both sides of their neck. I want to get married but I’m keeping my name, my ish, and i can do what i want to do. Again, chick are some irrational creatures.

For Real now putting the KFC Manager in the figure 4. Who ate my chicken?

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:49 pm

That’s CRAZY MEN. I can’t even read in all caps, all the time. Just not that talented.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:49 pm

English,welcome baby!
Im glad u feeling better and figuring out this thing.
Smetimes we come on pple full press in this joint.When u post it,we pick it apart,like it or hate it,it dont matter.
I see we are going to have nice rumblings tgether,against each other and in collabo smetimes, in the future, unless one of us pressess the mute button.
Welcome again sweetie!!!!

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
3:50 pm

Staceye Yes. I like the name Staceye/Stacey.

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
3:50 pm

@Professor you do what works for you:), People have their own standards and live as such.

@AmazonRed good to know I’m not the only one. I think people get caught up in personal fears to often.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

@Raqi….I, 2nd the motion that Stacey becomes Mrs. C. Hunter? :wink:

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage. However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal.

For Real – Then it’s just selective reading or ignorance on your part because the women “here” who state “almost daily” that they want marriage have ALSO stated they will be taking their husband’s name.

So what are you talking about?

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

Okay, today IV REAL wants to be married. Huh? That’s a 360 from what you generally bring.

So maybe all your usual fussin stems from your really wanting a fulfilling relationship, but secretly fear that no one will meet the criterion?

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
3:53 pm

Taz – now the Alarm Force jingle is stuck in my head.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
3:55 pm

I have already mention to Mamba that she can stay in her house and I will stay in my house so she can have all the room she needs!

I can text her at night while we watch animal planet, paranomania and tales in the hood! :lol:

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
3:55 pm

@My2cents…I dont know how I ended up here??? I read the AJC online daily even more when I am out of town traveling. I will definitely frequent this place. Thanks for the warm welcome.

McSexy

May 7th, 2009
3:56 pm

My thought is that people should just do what works for them. We spend too much time worrying about what other people think. You live in your house and I’ll live in mine.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:56 pm

Randy you wonder how someone can love someone enough to commit to a life still not give that person any importance in their life.

Marriage is becoming one. That does not mean giving up yourself but that means merging two separate entities into one. Like Poppa stated, like a corporation. To company merge bringing in their best assets and making an even greater establishment than the two alone.

I don’t preach that everyone should get married. Nor that everyone should want to get married. But I do say if you gonna do it do it together. This together but separation thing I don’t get.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:58 pm

Tatas

We are having a fishfry Saturday as a family Pre-Mother’s Day gathering. I have 25 pounds of whiting in my freezer at home, 20 pounds of tilipia, and 15 pounds of dressed whole catfish (for the old folks).

I will be done out by the Lake and we shall enjoy. I’m sure that the old folks will play Bid Whist. The last time that we did this was for my dad’s 50th and over 300 people turnout. There was over 100 lbs of fish that time, though.

abc

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

My girl has more than significant assets, and she can certainly do with them as she pleases, as long they pay none of our bills, pay for none of our vacations, pay for none of our anything. She can allocate her assets to herself as she pleases, but I won’t tolerate them to be spent on that which is ours. I pay for that. Period.

Anyone who lets a woman support him is not a man.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

Oh, I re-read that IV REAL. That’s you speaking as the talkin outta both sides of her neck chick. Whew! I was worried for a minute.

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

mytwo- You may have a point BUT you MUST remember that For REal is a Gemini therefore he is two people in one..

lurker

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

Waaaay too many comments to go back. A man taking my last name feels like he handed me his manhood….IMO

Marriage is all that in a nutshell. Hey, as I said this morning I’m a traditionalist. I’m taking your last name and you’re taking the lead.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage.

For Real – It’s always “these chicks” with you. But yet you began your post asking the question why a “dude” should get married, as you have asked several times before.

MyTwo – Maybe HE won’t meet THEIR criteria!LOL!!

Sister Cee – That’s bout like how it went down in my house too!LOL!!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

And again I agree with the alphabet man if a boyfriend is all you want then remain so. Or roommate or whatever.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:01 pm

AR

All the talk about KFC’s grilled chicken reminds me that I had my first El Pollo Loco experience last Saturday.

One of my classmates hosted a study group and she got some food from El Pollo Loco near Cumberland Mall. She lives in some apartment near there. She is from Albuquerque, NM so the southwestern eatery is right up her alley.

Jack Smiley

May 7th, 2009
4:01 pm

Two words…….

I farted!

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:02 pm

Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her?

abc

May 7th, 2009
4:02 pm

Still, what does the 21st century have to do with it?

So far, I don’t see that the century change has brought much of benefit, in and of itself.

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:03 pm

Jack- You shouldn’t have typed jack sh** if that was all you had to say..

Wise Diva

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

Oh yes, we love new readers/voices adding comments, welcome welcome, thanks to those that extended a welcome too :)

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

PG,thats sounds like fun

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

Can I come PoppaG, I love a good hand of bid whist! Do you know that a lot of people don’t know how to spell “whist!” J/K about coming over!

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:06 pm

Ared: I know you are a traditional chick and I think that’s cool as hell but my point is these chicks talking about what they will not do once they are married are the same reasons some dudes state for not getting married at all. 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2

For Real now slapping the ish out 2Pennies for mentioning his name and marriage in the same sentence. – 2Pennies where in my post did you deduce that I want to be married? I do not want to be married! Hell I don’t even want a girlfriend! I don’t have a problem with people that are married or people that want to get married. All I’m saying is all marriage does is give people assest to their spouse’s ish. You can get the same commitment without getting married and with some of these chicks talking about what they ain’t giving up once they get married, why get married?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
4:06 pm

My nanna used to say “if you gonna throw at it, you may as well not bother doing it at all”.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:07 pm

SexyCool sowwy ;-) I had to sing the song to remember the number.

Jack- You shouldn’t have typed jack sh** if that was all you had to say.. :lol:

PoppaG So did you like El Pollo Loco? Speaking of…where’s Dreams?

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:07 pm

Cee – Thanks chick!…and actually you have a very unique last name…almost can be passed for a first and/or last…but with the way you’ve been spewin’…that last name bout to get reeeeaaaal dignified, huh? Lol …and I ’spect to receive my invitation before the year is through…or just a date on the when and where.

Tatas – Gurl, I’m going to strangle you!!!… …Jamoca’s now looking for her duck tape and a blind fold….AND a storage closet lol Quit tryin’ to make ish happen, chick…and ain’t nobody tryna go to Key West, they have to many issues, starting with all of those Burmese pythons coming out of the Everglades. Hahahaaa..

Raqi – Your 2:24…yeah, and it may sound unreal to some (heyal if I care) but I’d really want them to feel a sense of belonging, no matter when or how “they got here” and…as far as I’m concerned, “the man to be” would have already had to have known and/or came to grips with this before we even progressed…and vice versa.

Some may even view it as, letting the absent father “walk”. It all depends on the individual and the situation at hand. If I know that the absent father is a danger to their well being and they’d be better off while he’s “playing the disappearing act” ???…there’s just no way in heyal, that I’ll consider “his anything”.

So yes, I also agree that my daughters would have more to gain, with little to nothing to lose….and that would be for starters, the true definition of a (family) man and the significance in the role he plays in the home…or better yet, both roles combined.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:08 pm

@Lioness re: “Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her?”

This happened to me a few years ago. The funny thing is that I really planned to marry the lady, but somehow when she suggested that, I froze up like I was being given the death sentence. At the end of the day, I chickened out and could not give up my own pad. Maybe I have more commitment phobia than I realized. (For the record, the reference to “t-shirts” is almost always referring to the things I have screwed up, not the ones I got right).

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:09 pm

PROFESSOR….@ your 3:41…girl get out of my head! :lol: My thoughts exactly.

RAQI….I have changed my last name. It is of no one on either side of my family. And I doubt a man would want to be called Mr. Staceye R*****!

COUGAR….living in separate houses….that works for me dude! Now about this name thing… :lol:

POPPA…can I come? :lol: The only fried food I will eat is fried whiting!

anonymousella

May 7th, 2009
4:09 pm

amazonred, thank you for calling for real out on that. many (most?) of the women here who want to keep their last name also place extra emphasis on the IF in “if i got married.” there’s no talking out both sides of the neck unless you think all two dozen plus of us are really just one person.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
4:13 pm

You can get the same commitment without getting married

ForReal that is where I have to disagree. When my husband’s brother was in a fire he was living with his girlfriend (his now wife). She had no legal right to sign giving the hospital the permission to do anything. They were living in VA at the time and my f-i-l had to fly there and take care of all the legalities that needed to be taken care of. While she had assess to everything that he owned she had no legal or decision making rights. The utilization of the assets are more important than assess to them. She could have wiped him out financially in a time of distress but she couldn’t sign for him to get the surgery that he needed. And those funds to had assess to help pay for that surgery.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
4:14 pm

I do not want to be married! Hell I don’t even want a girlfriend!

For Real – And you’re on a dating blog because….?

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

@abc…so your ‘girl’/wife? is a stay at home Mom? If she does work, she doesn’t hav to contribute to the household, even if it’s do to something nice for you? You pay for everything? That’s cool if that works for you. I just know working and contribuing to make my family stronger is all I know how to do. Grew up with my Mom and Dad both working and contributing to the household. My Mom was truly my Dads’ life partner.

Even though she worked two jobs and contributed, he was still the man of the house, she struck a great balance between being a working woman, wife and Mom. Also I think it made my Dad feel like she always had his back.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

KIMMIE Yeah girl. Eventhough I misread it, I do wonder if that’s what lurks beneath. Also wondering if it’s ever been considered that even if you don’t recognize your disdain – that doesn’t mean it ain’t coming across. And who mentioned disdain, anyway? It’s one of my fave words! LIONESS Point taken!

ABC So in any relationship you’re in, would the woman be free to do what she will with all of her monies? Or do you mean she’d pay the bills she created (Student Loans, car note) but nothing shared? What if she isn’t fiscally responsible? Something tells me it’d be tough for you to find that kinda chick sexy, tho hahaaaa

Ahh, PG, I’ve never felt more like family. And you did say the Mrs. is on board with Big Love. Gimme a hint bout that Lake – does it sound more like Altoona or Lanier ;) Hope y’all have a great time cuttin’ up…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

Staceye

Honestly, if you could find your way to the LaGrange area (Westpoint), you probably could fit in. It would be like that Poetic Justice barbecue. We had a fishfry when my dad turned 50 and over 300 people showed up and over 100 lbs of fish disappeared. (We supplied takeout plates because my mom didn’t want all of her foil gone.)

This time it isn’t at my house or my parents. We aren’t hosting it. I haven’t been to this lake house before. Since we live downtown, we got assigned getting fish from inland seafood (who supply the restaurants around town).

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:16 pm

Kimmie: I say “these chicks” because these chick are the ones saying this ish. Thus, the question why should a dude get married when “these chicks” are talking about all the ish they will not do once they get married? – “Maybe HE won’t meet THEIR criteria!” – Hey I can live with that, I ain’t perfect just real close.

Lurker: “I’m taking your last name and you’re taking the lead.” – That’s real talk right dere.

Lioness: No she don’t have a point and what does me being a gemini have to do with anything. Stop touching my straw!!!

abc: When some people turn their nose up to tradition it because it’s their foundation and they are able to extend themselves because they know they have something to reach back for when ish don’t go right.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:17 pm

Jamoca I’m really all about names. Oh God have me friends and family with a gang of lovely names. ONly one or 2 are straight made-up ghetto mess.

Speaking of the Admiral he’s so funny bout that family heirloom, and i love that! My last name was all my peers called me growing up) And if i’m not called the other endearing name (first name). It’s Ms. (my lastname.). It will be different after i get married to talk to my friends that still use my lastname and the newname is not considered. We all would have to practice on that.

One cousin calls me by the middle name.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:17 pm

Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her

ur intentions will be for what??? He cld if u let him know why and he is in it with u.
Most guys will treat that as a control mechanism coz they are not married anyway.So whats the point,in their view?
But let me hear from u on the why??

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:19 pm

Randy- So do you think if she didn’t offer that you would have been married right now?

My homegirl just asked her boyfriend to move in with her and he has yet to answer her. They have been dating for 4 or 5 months.. To me, that seems like a desperate move..

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:19 pm

Tatas

We, southern folks, like to cook outside. We don’t really have to have a reason to grill out or fry fish. We do it because it is Saturday. With the longer summer day, we do it because it is Wednesday.

Jack Smiley

May 7th, 2009
4:21 pm

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:22 pm

For Real – please tell me which of the regulars on here have said they won’t take their husbands name if they got married? We already know Staceye won’t – but she’s not trying to get married. So Imma need you to call out ‘these chicks’ that you speak of or forever hold your peace…

betcha can’t do it

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

@abc I agree with you. I base EVERYTHING off of my income. The money she makes is for whatever she wants to do with it, because at the end of the day she is not obligated to work(that’s my responsibility) and if she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to. SOme may have a problem with my thought process but it all goes back to something my father taught me, “There is nothing wrong with being hen-pecked…as long as you are pecked by the right hen”(marinate on that) But back to the original topic. all of that comes with having my last name though..lol

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Melo- I wouldn’t EVER ask a man to live with me!

Moreover, she hasn’t ever lived with a man before. Currently, he is living with roommates cause he and his last girlfriend broke up and they were living together. That is WAY too messy.. IMO

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Poppa – your 4:19 is my family too! Hell we start on Mother’s Day and dont stop til the weather changes. Its nothing for us to have a barbeque/fish fry in October as long as the weather is right! We love to cook outside! I think Lil Mo is having a cookout for birthday number 4 this year

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Going back to Lioness’s question…

for some unknown reason, I think I am more scared of “moving in” than I am “marriage”. Call me really screwed up, but I feel more comfortable where there are some “legal” responsibilities than I do where one or the other can just say “screw you, I’m out of here” or worse “screw you, YOU’RE out of here”.

Maybe this goes back to the whole tradition question, but I personally feel that if I am going to move in with someone, or they are going to move in with me, then I want it to be real. Weird I guess (and maybe there is a part of me that still believes what I learned as an Army Officer, one leads by example…and I have to believe that my children are more likely to follow my teachings if I follow my teachings).

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:24 pm

W8- I am feeling that!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:24 pm

Poppa,guess what??

U gave me an idea.I emailed my mates and floated ur fish-fry idea to be hosted at either one of us’ houses and am awaiting their response.
I know they luv that so its proly a Go!
I did not have anything planned,i was taking it by ear.
Not any more!
thanx

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:25 pm

Randy- I am feeling that as well!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:26 pm

Lioness – perhaps she thinks it will be more convenient since they can’t ‘entertain’ at his place with the roommates. Also, she may want to see if he ‘loves’ her as much as the last gal since he was willing to live with her. Or…well that’s all I got, you’re right it is messy!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:27 pm

Cee – Oooo lawd, am I not missing those days of hair popping grease and steam burning ya’ scalp from the hot comb! lol…speaking of, I know Thing1 and Thing2 could say a few things on this issue…they just betnot let me hear them say it!

Tatas – Chick loved the 3:48!…which is why I’m not sweating it one bit! If it happens great!…and if not, that is fine as well. Seems to me, we can’t win for losing sometimes…if we’re not rushing in line…something is wrong…and if we dare put in any extra pep to our steps…”chick is desperate, trying to get a dude to fund her dreams…blah, blah, blah…

HOWEVER…yeah, I’m bout to go there… Jamoca now tearing up the vest and tossing it to the side, I will admit, I have yet to hear ANY woman say that she’ll marry a dude with little to nothing to his name…no house, assets, degree…heyal, his profession may even be an issue to some if he’s a janitor making decent bread…. So at the same time I kind understand part of ForReal’s…oh gawd…even Truth’s rants, even if they’re coming from both sides of their mouths. Lol

Jamoca now popping herself upside the head…”dayum did I just say that out loud?”

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:28 pm

Lioness…would we have been married if the “living together’ had not arisen…don’t know. I know that there was a distance after that…and eventually her ex-husband (and the father of her three children) started calling more and more. I just do not know, we never spoke after we ended it so who knows?

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:29 pm

@RandyT, I understand your thought process. I wouldn’t want to move in my man’s house. I could never let another dictate/determine when I have a roof over my head. I thoroughly get you on the legal part. I couldn’t do it.

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:30 pm

Raqi: Your story proves my point. All marriage does is give the other person the legal right to you. There is not law that enforces commitment.

Kimmie: “And you’re on a dating blog because….?” – I find it interesting and funny how some people think. Why are you on the blog? Why is Raqi on the blog?

2Pennies: “Also wondering if it’s ever been considered that even if you don’t recognize your disdain” – I don’t recognize it because it doesn’t exist – “that doesn’t mean it ain’t coming across.” – Well I can’t do anything about how someone interpets what I write. – “And who mentioned disdain, anyway?” – Ared -

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:31 pm

Taz- I agree but she has NO idea what she is getting into. He stays @ her house often BUT it is still not the same as a person living with you. Dude can’t possibly love her yet but who knows.. So it doesn’t seem like desperation?

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:32 pm

have to believe that my children are more likely to follow my teachings if I follow my teachings)

well said champ

Cuttie,i thoght this was about u.
She needs to figure out if he can move in by himself 1st.But i see the attraction for her,shes dazzled by the deicksle so she wants to keep it close by.
But if she can maintain a home by herself and he cannot,what does that say about this futuristic hubby??? Some things are so simple but we make it so hard.
MARINATE

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

Jamoca – Concerning the girls, keep their hair healthy and nice until you cain’t take it no more. (i know i don’t have to tell you this, but….yea!). :)

Lioness – Whipped Cream is the Devil? What da Devil???
Girl do you know what a dollop of whip cream will cure?

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

WiseD …favor??? Could you take back the third paragraph my 4:27, please?! LOL

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

the married guy sent me poetry! can i insert **awwwww** here? lol.

abc

May 7th, 2009
4:35 pm

English, she stays at home, but has significant wealth. I pay for everything. ‘Stay at home’ is a bit of a misnomer, as she stays quite active in volunteer and church activities. If she chose to have a job, I’d still pay for everything.

2cent, thing is, she’s very fiscally responsible, even frugal, most of the time. If I didn’t trust her in that way, along with every other way, she’d not be my girl. After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy! She can spend money on herself any way she chooses, but for the most part she doesn’t. She allows me to provide for her instead, mostly because that’s the way I want it. After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

Obviously, many (if not most) families require 2 incomes. I’ve been there. That single aspect contributes greatly to the erosion of family structure, in that the man isn’t the provider that he needs to me. Men need to be the provider, else they’re pretty much just a simp that can’t afford to support his own wife and family. Like I said, I’ve been there. I’ve never met a woman who would work if she didn’t have to, except for artists and performers, and that’s not exactly like work — and I’ve been there before, too.

That said, there are exceptions to most everything, I suppose.

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:35 pm

Melo- You assume I am some wayward azz chick that needs guidance.. Sorry I am NOT but thx ;)

I DO agree with your comment! Since she didn’t ask me for my opinion, I am not offering one :)

CK9

May 7th, 2009
4:36 pm

To Raqi:
My husband is 30. Both his parents are deceased and have been for almost 10 years apiece. He does not want to change to his father’s name because they had a very tumultuous relationship. Out of respect for his mother, he wants to keep her name. I have my own opinions about it but that is really his own decision and I can respect if he doesn’t want to factor in my opinion at all. I don’t think he ever intended to change it and it’s only come up since we decided to get married. When you start to factor in kids and grandkids, that’s where I think he will ultimately decide to take his father’s name. So that’s why… for now, I’m keeping my own until we come up with a permanent decision. The issue is not that I’m not willing to change it… just that my changing it hinges on what he will do and right now, we don’t know.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

Mo

My family has been know to barbecue on any day that was 60 degrees or warmer.

Our only issue tends to be time and place. I am hesitant to have it am house because my liquor always seems to come up missing after they leave. The last time that we host something at our house, those knee-grows had the nerve to drink the whole thing of Hennessey and my Bombay Sapphire Gin. But they left the Seagram 7’s.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

@Beautiful, why do you do that? You must like trouble to sit in the corner with you, and I’m not talking about the married dude!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

For Real – Whatever. Don’t phase me really, just asking, cause you always seem to have your draws in a bunch about “chicks”!LOL!! Never a positive word about us “chicks” from ya, but hey again, whatever!

And yeah, none of us “chicks” on here that said we wanted to be married have said we did NOT want to take our husbands names.

We “chicks” can and do have a right to think for ourselves. We’re not all irrational!

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

Cee- Don’t START LMAO!!

Melo- Also, I will NOT live with another man until I am married IF that happens :)

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

Melo

No problem.

My family likes to gather for fish fry or barbecue instead of only getting together for funerals.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

So JAMOCA who’da thunk you’d refuse to embrace your whole A.S.S. Not me but no worries, I done tole ya long ago, I’ll lose the money on that tacky dress. Specially now that you telling me you goin over my head to change the serene Key West location. In a rare opportunity I’m watchin Oprah as she interviews Elizabeth Edwards and she said something reminiscent of 2 pieces best advice. “Part of resilience is deciding to make yourself miserable over something that MATTERS or deciding to make yourself miserable over something that doesn’t.”

IV REAL If I’m not down with the chokin’, why you gonna try the slappin? Baby steps don’t apply here.

W8 – Your last name is now better than Randy’s in my eyes. Mytwo plus your 8 = Mytencents. My cup runneth over with what you’ve now added to my life. And the fine leather handbags that I can add with my stash.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

**For Real – And you’re on a dating blog because….?**

thank you KIMMIE!

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:39 pm

PG- LMAO @ Seagrams 7!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
4:40 pm

Poppa Grande – Me and my folks are good to put food on the grill any day it’s not raining. The grill is an extension of the kitchen at my parents’ house. We have pictures of my dad in Indianapolis standing in front of a grill in December wearing a Triple Fat.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:41 pm

You assume I am some wayward azz chick

wayward no!! but ur qstion didnt make me assume its anybody wanting advice but u,the qstioner.Thats all!
I wldnt view anybody seeking advice as wayward,No!,intelligent actually!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:42 pm

@RAQI
i’m a valley girl! i live in northern cali. modesto/stockton area.

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:42 pm

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:43 pm

POPPA…Ok I will come looking for “Cudd’n Pete”! :lol:

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

said 2x by abc for the FIRST TIME.
Shes special!!

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

Cee

do you know what a dollop of whip cream will cure?

No, but I (we) know that it can be tough to get it out of certain places….:wink:

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

Tazzee: Where in my post did I say “the regular blog chicks”? I open the blog and “these chicks” are saying what they will not do once they get married. I know where the regular blog chicks stand. As for 2E’s,wellllll:

Dude: 2E’s will you marry me?

2E’s: WTF!! You betta gitch on fo I cut cha

Dude: If you don’t answer me I’mma jump on yo azz and tickle you.

2E’s: You can jump over here but you gon limp back.

Dude now holding tickling the hell out of 2E’s

2E’s: Stop before you make my azzma flare up!! cough, cough, suck, suck To late where my inhaler?

Dude: Right hereeee

2E’s: GIVE IT ME!!!

Dude: Marry me?

2E’s: Middle fanga because she can’t talk

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:45 pm

After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

Got danggit!! That’s is bomb!

ABC – alright.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:46 pm

@LEGGS
do what? tell ppl i don’t know my bizness. lol. it’ll be alright mami. don’t worry bout me. j/k around.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:47 pm

PoppaG No see, you don’t took it to the Suite room with the tray of…shut cho’ mouf!!!

Been there and will NEVER do it again without the approved kind!

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:48 pm

Melo – You peeped that too? Abc love dat woman!!!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:52 pm

Tatas – Chica…no one said that at all! You reachin’ miss missy! Are we not “whole” simply because the “other” is MIA? How many times has it been preached (to the choir, might I add) that being A-dults, self validation comes from within, and that it is usually children who look for it from fellow peers.

I’m just sayin’…this one ain’t busy settin’ up traps. I just think it’s better when that special someone finds value in someone that wasn’t for sale to begin with…and of course vice versa.

Simply sayin’…I tend to carry on regardless…whether “that man” wants me to come along for the ride or not…will I be introduced to more responsibilities?…yes. Either way…production should never cease.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:52 pm

Not necessarily you’re business, but that you are seriously considering bedding a married man (well, yeah it’s your business) and not understand the blog arguments you get!

If this man is now “you’re AIR, then go to the dang hospital and request an oxygen tank!!!!

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

@my2cents..lol@10cents and your new leather bag….are you all on here daily like this?

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

QC

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

DELTA IS HIRING FOR THE SUMMER MONTHS $10.83 PER HOUR

http://www.deltajobs.net

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:55 pm

Lioness – Cee’s Observation.

Why the hispanic construction men be looking like they wanna stab themselves when they stand up there with that construction sign.

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

Messing with a married person= Low Self Esteem somewhere along the line.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

Well, since I came in late, I think I am going to leave early to compensate for my tardiness. Night y’all.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

PG I know it’s you’re home and you shouldn’t have to… But you may need to employ my patented Flask Methodology. Go on Base or the big ol Liquor Depot on Camp Creek so you can budget for two. Get a Big ol Bombay Sapphire and a lil one. Get Seagrams or something at a lower tier too. Fill your flask n hide ya big ol bottle in your room while company’s around. Drink, Refill and Repeat as necessary. They can drank til the drank that’s out there is gone. Then it’s on to the Pabst…

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:57 pm

FOR REAL… :lol: OMG! I am crackin’ up because that sounds just like me! Too funny!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

For Real this is what YOU said:

However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal. It just seems to me that chicks are talking out of both sides of their neck.

So what chicks are stating it here almost daily other than the regulars? Mayhaps I’m a little confused and your ‘here’ is not really here….

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

W8 Don’t get caught in mytwosense’s web. Youll be spinning you way back to a V8.

Welcome Aboard!!

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

@W8, you have missed some doozies…some days you’ll leave this blog from laughing so much.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:59 pm

Tatas

I do. They drunk the flask and found the main stash too.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:59 pm

Melo – You peeped that too?

yeah CEE,hard core abc kinda have a soft spot for that woman.
Good nite folks!
Hope to see the tough newbies back in and early tmrow :lol:

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:59 pm

One last thought for your fish fry. I was in Barcelona last year and had forgotten, but releaened, just how good sangria tastes. You might consider making pitchers of that to go with the food.

lurker

May 7th, 2009
4:59 pm

the married guy sent me poetry! can i insert **awwwww** here? lol.

Did she REALLY say that? SHM

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
5:00 pm

you will leave “crying from laughing so much.”

I gotcha Lioness!!!!

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
5:01 pm

YEP YEP!!!

Goodnight everyone!

Smile, smile, smile!!!!

Wise Diva

May 7th, 2009
5:02 pm

@Jamoca LOL @ your partial comment removal request :)

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
5:02 pm

LOl @ ForReal!…and W8, I see Tatastencents dun’ put a spell on you! hahahaaa….

Yeah, Tatas…chick that dude’ll be back for more rounds I bet!

See you all tomorrow…maybe *wink*

lurker

May 7th, 2009
5:03 pm

The Lord watch over babies and fools. Just plain ole ignant? Uh uh

Wise Diva

May 7th, 2009
5:03 pm

Thanks for the interesting/random/on & off topic discussions today. I appreciate everyone’s participation