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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Name Game

You take the ring, you take the name. This is the one sentence response I got when I asked an ex-boyfriend how he felt about me not changing my name if we married. I am a Daddy’s girl and he has no sons, so I used to believe that I owed it to Pops to keep the name. The Ex was not warming up to that idea, at all!

I received an email from a reader said that she has noticed the name game among her married friends lately: “Either their names have pretty much stayed the same or the hypenation has been in full-effect!”  She said that it was “surprising to her because so many ladies grew up doodling (and still sneak-a-doodle) the last name of our beloved crush after our first, just to see how it looks.”

She wrote, “I somehow doubt men give this much thought in their formative years, if at all.  Maybe it’s the mindset of the dreaded “Independent Woman” or those who have just gotten so used to solely identifying themselves by maiden name, they can’t go all in with totally disconnecting from it.  How did the married women who chose to keep or hyphenate their maiden names broach the topic?

How did the married men whose mates favored this option react?  Do single, marriage minded men perceive women who would want to do so in a negative way? Do single, marriage minded women perceive guys as insecure if they express discomfort with the idea?

For those married folks who went the traditional route, what influenced your decision?  And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Thanks to the reader for asking these great questions! What do you guys think? Are we still playing the name game in 2009?

460 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Going back to Lioness’s question…

for some unknown reason, I think I am more scared of “moving in” than I am “marriage”. Call me really screwed up, but I feel more comfortable where there are some “legal” responsibilities than I do where one or the other can just say “screw you, I’m out of here” or worse “screw you, YOU’RE out of here”.

Maybe this goes back to the whole tradition question, but I personally feel that if I am going to move in with someone, or they are going to move in with me, then I want it to be real. Weird I guess (and maybe there is a part of me that still believes what I learned as an Army Officer, one leads by example…and I have to believe that my children are more likely to follow my teachings if I follow my teachings).

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:24 pm

W8- I am feeling that!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:24 pm

Poppa,guess what??

U gave me an idea.I emailed my mates and floated ur fish-fry idea to be hosted at either one of us’ houses and am awaiting their response.
I know they luv that so its proly a Go!
I did not have anything planned,i was taking it by ear.
Not any more!
thanx

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:25 pm

Randy- I am feeling that as well!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:26 pm

Lioness – perhaps she thinks it will be more convenient since they can’t ‘entertain’ at his place with the roommates. Also, she may want to see if he ‘loves’ her as much as the last gal since he was willing to live with her. Or…well that’s all I got, you’re right it is messy!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:27 pm

Cee – Oooo lawd, am I not missing those days of hair popping grease and steam burning ya’ scalp from the hot comb! lol…speaking of, I know Thing1 and Thing2 could say a few things on this issue…they just betnot let me hear them say it!

Tatas – Chick loved the 3:48!…which is why I’m not sweating it one bit! If it happens great!…and if not, that is fine as well. Seems to me, we can’t win for losing sometimes…if we’re not rushing in line…something is wrong…and if we dare put in any extra pep to our steps…”chick is desperate, trying to get a dude to fund her dreams…blah, blah, blah…

HOWEVER…yeah, I’m bout to go there… Jamoca now tearing up the vest and tossing it to the side, I will admit, I have yet to hear ANY woman say that she’ll marry a dude with little to nothing to his name…no house, assets, degree…heyal, his profession may even be an issue to some if he’s a janitor making decent bread…. So at the same time I kind understand part of ForReal’s…oh gawd…even Truth’s rants, even if they’re coming from both sides of their mouths. Lol

Jamoca now popping herself upside the head…”dayum did I just say that out loud?”

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:28 pm

Lioness…would we have been married if the “living together’ had not arisen…don’t know. I know that there was a distance after that…and eventually her ex-husband (and the father of her three children) started calling more and more. I just do not know, we never spoke after we ended it so who knows?

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:29 pm

@RandyT, I understand your thought process. I wouldn’t want to move in my man’s house. I could never let another dictate/determine when I have a roof over my head. I thoroughly get you on the legal part. I couldn’t do it.

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:30 pm

Raqi: Your story proves my point. All marriage does is give the other person the legal right to you. There is not law that enforces commitment.

Kimmie: “And you’re on a dating blog because….?” – I find it interesting and funny how some people think. Why are you on the blog? Why is Raqi on the blog?

2Pennies: “Also wondering if it’s ever been considered that even if you don’t recognize your disdain” – I don’t recognize it because it doesn’t exist – “that doesn’t mean it ain’t coming across.” – Well I can’t do anything about how someone interpets what I write. – “And who mentioned disdain, anyway?” – Ared -

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:31 pm

Taz- I agree but she has NO idea what she is getting into. He stays @ her house often BUT it is still not the same as a person living with you. Dude can’t possibly love her yet but who knows.. So it doesn’t seem like desperation?

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:32 pm

have to believe that my children are more likely to follow my teachings if I follow my teachings)

well said champ

Cuttie,i thoght this was about u.
She needs to figure out if he can move in by himself 1st.But i see the attraction for her,shes dazzled by the deicksle so she wants to keep it close by.
But if she can maintain a home by herself and he cannot,what does that say about this futuristic hubby??? Some things are so simple but we make it so hard.
MARINATE

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

Jamoca – Concerning the girls, keep their hair healthy and nice until you cain’t take it no more. (i know i don’t have to tell you this, but….yea!). :)

Lioness – Whipped Cream is the Devil? What da Devil???
Girl do you know what a dollop of whip cream will cure?

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

WiseD …favor??? Could you take back the third paragraph my 4:27, please?! LOL

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:34 pm

the married guy sent me poetry! can i insert **awwwww** here? lol.

abc

May 7th, 2009
4:35 pm

English, she stays at home, but has significant wealth. I pay for everything. ‘Stay at home’ is a bit of a misnomer, as she stays quite active in volunteer and church activities. If she chose to have a job, I’d still pay for everything.

2cent, thing is, she’s very fiscally responsible, even frugal, most of the time. If I didn’t trust her in that way, along with every other way, she’d not be my girl. After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy! She can spend money on herself any way she chooses, but for the most part she doesn’t. She allows me to provide for her instead, mostly because that’s the way I want it. After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

Obviously, many (if not most) families require 2 incomes. I’ve been there. That single aspect contributes greatly to the erosion of family structure, in that the man isn’t the provider that he needs to me. Men need to be the provider, else they’re pretty much just a simp that can’t afford to support his own wife and family. Like I said, I’ve been there. I’ve never met a woman who would work if she didn’t have to, except for artists and performers, and that’s not exactly like work — and I’ve been there before, too.

That said, there are exceptions to most everything, I suppose.

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:35 pm

Melo- You assume I am some wayward azz chick that needs guidance.. Sorry I am NOT but thx ;)

I DO agree with your comment! Since she didn’t ask me for my opinion, I am not offering one :)

CK9

May 7th, 2009
4:36 pm

To Raqi:
My husband is 30. Both his parents are deceased and have been for almost 10 years apiece. He does not want to change to his father’s name because they had a very tumultuous relationship. Out of respect for his mother, he wants to keep her name. I have my own opinions about it but that is really his own decision and I can respect if he doesn’t want to factor in my opinion at all. I don’t think he ever intended to change it and it’s only come up since we decided to get married. When you start to factor in kids and grandkids, that’s where I think he will ultimately decide to take his father’s name. So that’s why… for now, I’m keeping my own until we come up with a permanent decision. The issue is not that I’m not willing to change it… just that my changing it hinges on what he will do and right now, we don’t know.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

Mo

My family has been know to barbecue on any day that was 60 degrees or warmer.

Our only issue tends to be time and place. I am hesitant to have it am house because my liquor always seems to come up missing after they leave. The last time that we host something at our house, those knee-grows had the nerve to drink the whole thing of Hennessey and my Bombay Sapphire Gin. But they left the Seagram 7’s.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

@Beautiful, why do you do that? You must like trouble to sit in the corner with you, and I’m not talking about the married dude!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

For Real – Whatever. Don’t phase me really, just asking, cause you always seem to have your draws in a bunch about “chicks”!LOL!! Never a positive word about us “chicks” from ya, but hey again, whatever!

And yeah, none of us “chicks” on here that said we wanted to be married have said we did NOT want to take our husbands names.

We “chicks” can and do have a right to think for ourselves. We’re not all irrational!

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:37 pm

Cee- Don’t START LMAO!!

Melo- Also, I will NOT live with another man until I am married IF that happens :)

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

Melo

No problem.

My family likes to gather for fish fry or barbecue instead of only getting together for funerals.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

So JAMOCA who’da thunk you’d refuse to embrace your whole A.S.S. Not me but no worries, I done tole ya long ago, I’ll lose the money on that tacky dress. Specially now that you telling me you goin over my head to change the serene Key West location. In a rare opportunity I’m watchin Oprah as she interviews Elizabeth Edwards and she said something reminiscent of 2 pieces best advice. “Part of resilience is deciding to make yourself miserable over something that MATTERS or deciding to make yourself miserable over something that doesn’t.”

IV REAL If I’m not down with the chokin’, why you gonna try the slappin? Baby steps don’t apply here.

W8 – Your last name is now better than Randy’s in my eyes. Mytwo plus your 8 = Mytencents. My cup runneth over with what you’ve now added to my life. And the fine leather handbags that I can add with my stash.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:38 pm

**For Real – And you’re on a dating blog because….?**

thank you KIMMIE!

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:39 pm

PG- LMAO @ Seagrams 7!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
4:40 pm

Poppa Grande – Me and my folks are good to put food on the grill any day it’s not raining. The grill is an extension of the kitchen at my parents’ house. We have pictures of my dad in Indianapolis standing in front of a grill in December wearing a Triple Fat.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:41 pm

You assume I am some wayward azz chick

wayward no!! but ur qstion didnt make me assume its anybody wanting advice but u,the qstioner.Thats all!
I wldnt view anybody seeking advice as wayward,No!,intelligent actually!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:42 pm

@RAQI
i’m a valley girl! i live in northern cali. modesto/stockton area.

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:42 pm

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:43 pm

POPPA…Ok I will come looking for “Cudd’n Pete”! :lol:

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

said 2x by abc for the FIRST TIME.
Shes special!!

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

Cee

do you know what a dollop of whip cream will cure?

No, but I (we) know that it can be tough to get it out of certain places….:wink:

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:44 pm

Tazzee: Where in my post did I say “the regular blog chicks”? I open the blog and “these chicks” are saying what they will not do once they get married. I know where the regular blog chicks stand. As for 2E’s,wellllll:

Dude: 2E’s will you marry me?

2E’s: WTF!! You betta gitch on fo I cut cha

Dude: If you don’t answer me I’mma jump on yo azz and tickle you.

2E’s: You can jump over here but you gon limp back.

Dude now holding tickling the hell out of 2E’s

2E’s: Stop before you make my azzma flare up!! cough, cough, suck, suck To late where my inhaler?

Dude: Right hereeee

2E’s: GIVE IT ME!!!

Dude: Marry me?

2E’s: Middle fanga because she can’t talk

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:45 pm

After her, there is no sexy — she’s the only sexy!

Got danggit!! That’s is bomb!

ABC – alright.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
4:46 pm

@LEGGS
do what? tell ppl i don’t know my bizness. lol. it’ll be alright mami. don’t worry bout me. j/k around.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:47 pm

PoppaG No see, you don’t took it to the Suite room with the tray of…shut cho’ mouf!!!

Been there and will NEVER do it again without the approved kind!

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:48 pm

Melo – You peeped that too? Abc love dat woman!!!

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:52 pm

Tatas – Chica…no one said that at all! You reachin’ miss missy! Are we not “whole” simply because the “other” is MIA? How many times has it been preached (to the choir, might I add) that being A-dults, self validation comes from within, and that it is usually children who look for it from fellow peers.

I’m just sayin’…this one ain’t busy settin’ up traps. I just think it’s better when that special someone finds value in someone that wasn’t for sale to begin with…and of course vice versa.

Simply sayin’…I tend to carry on regardless…whether “that man” wants me to come along for the ride or not…will I be introduced to more responsibilities?…yes. Either way…production should never cease.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:52 pm

Not necessarily you’re business, but that you are seriously considering bedding a married man (well, yeah it’s your business) and not understand the blog arguments you get!

If this man is now “you’re AIR, then go to the dang hospital and request an oxygen tank!!!!

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

@my2cents..lol@10cents and your new leather bag….are you all on here daily like this?

LIONESS- Cheesecake Factory is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

QC

May 7th, 2009
4:54 pm

DELTA IS HIRING FOR THE SUMMER MONTHS $10.83 PER HOUR

http://www.deltajobs.net

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:55 pm

Lioness – Cee’s Observation.

Why the hispanic construction men be looking like they wanna stab themselves when they stand up there with that construction sign.

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

Messing with a married person= Low Self Esteem somewhere along the line.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

Well, since I came in late, I think I am going to leave early to compensate for my tardiness. Night y’all.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:56 pm

PG I know it’s you’re home and you shouldn’t have to… But you may need to employ my patented Flask Methodology. Go on Base or the big ol Liquor Depot on Camp Creek so you can budget for two. Get a Big ol Bombay Sapphire and a lil one. Get Seagrams or something at a lower tier too. Fill your flask n hide ya big ol bottle in your room while company’s around. Drink, Refill and Repeat as necessary. They can drank til the drank that’s out there is gone. Then it’s on to the Pabst…

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:57 pm

FOR REAL… :lol: OMG! I am crackin’ up because that sounds just like me! Too funny!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

For Real this is what YOU said:

However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal. It just seems to me that chicks are talking out of both sides of their neck.

So what chicks are stating it here almost daily other than the regulars? Mayhaps I’m a little confused and your ‘here’ is not really here….

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

W8 Don’t get caught in mytwosense’s web. Youll be spinning you way back to a V8.

Welcome Aboard!!

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:58 pm

@W8, you have missed some doozies…some days you’ll leave this blog from laughing so much.