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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Name Game

You take the ring, you take the name. This is the one sentence response I got when I asked an ex-boyfriend how he felt about me not changing my name if we married. I am a Daddy’s girl and he has no sons, so I used to believe that I owed it to Pops to keep the name. The Ex was not warming up to that idea, at all!

I received an email from a reader said that she has noticed the name game among her married friends lately: “Either their names have pretty much stayed the same or the hypenation has been in full-effect!”  She said that it was “surprising to her because so many ladies grew up doodling (and still sneak-a-doodle) the last name of our beloved crush after our first, just to see how it looks.”

She wrote, “I somehow doubt men give this much thought in their formative years, if at all.  Maybe it’s the mindset of the dreaded “Independent Woman” or those who have just gotten so used to solely identifying themselves by maiden name, they can’t go all in with totally disconnecting from it.  How did the married women who chose to keep or hyphenate their maiden names broach the topic?

How did the married men whose mates favored this option react?  Do single, marriage minded men perceive women who would want to do so in a negative way? Do single, marriage minded women perceive guys as insecure if they express discomfort with the idea?

For those married folks who went the traditional route, what influenced your decision?  And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Thanks to the reader for asking these great questions! What do you guys think? Are we still playing the name game in 2009?

460 comments Add your comment

For Real

May 7th, 2009
3:48 pm

Ared: I’m yelling because I had to pee and forgot to turn the caps lock off. No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage. However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal. It just seems to me that chicks are talking out of both sides of their neck. I want to get married but I’m keeping my name, my ish, and i can do what i want to do. Again, chick are some irrational creatures.

For Real now putting the KFC Manager in the figure 4. Who ate my chicken?

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:49 pm

That’s CRAZY MEN. I can’t even read in all caps, all the time. Just not that talented.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
3:49 pm

English,welcome baby!
Im glad u feeling better and figuring out this thing.
Smetimes we come on pple full press in this joint.When u post it,we pick it apart,like it or hate it,it dont matter.
I see we are going to have nice rumblings tgether,against each other and in collabo smetimes, in the future, unless one of us pressess the mute button.
Welcome again sweetie!!!!

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
3:50 pm

Staceye Yes. I like the name Staceye/Stacey.

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
3:50 pm

@Professor you do what works for you:), People have their own standards and live as such.

@AmazonRed good to know I’m not the only one. I think people get caught up in personal fears to often.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

@Raqi….I, 2nd the motion that Stacey becomes Mrs. C. Hunter? :wink:

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage. However, alot of chicks state here almost daily in various ways that marriage is there goal.

For Real – Then it’s just selective reading or ignorance on your part because the women “here” who state “almost daily” that they want marriage have ALSO stated they will be taking their husband’s name.

So what are you talking about?

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:52 pm

Okay, today IV REAL wants to be married. Huh? That’s a 360 from what you generally bring.

So maybe all your usual fussin stems from your really wanting a fulfilling relationship, but secretly fear that no one will meet the criterion?

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
3:53 pm

Taz – now the Alarm Force jingle is stuck in my head.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 7th, 2009
3:55 pm

I have already mention to Mamba that she can stay in her house and I will stay in my house so she can have all the room she needs!

I can text her at night while we watch animal planet, paranomania and tales in the hood! :lol:

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
3:55 pm

@My2cents…I dont know how I ended up here??? I read the AJC online daily even more when I am out of town traveling. I will definitely frequent this place. Thanks for the warm welcome.

McSexy

May 7th, 2009
3:56 pm

My thought is that people should just do what works for them. We spend too much time worrying about what other people think. You live in your house and I’ll live in mine.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:56 pm

Randy you wonder how someone can love someone enough to commit to a life still not give that person any importance in their life.

Marriage is becoming one. That does not mean giving up yourself but that means merging two separate entities into one. Like Poppa stated, like a corporation. To company merge bringing in their best assets and making an even greater establishment than the two alone.

I don’t preach that everyone should get married. Nor that everyone should want to get married. But I do say if you gonna do it do it together. This together but separation thing I don’t get.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
3:58 pm

Tatas

We are having a fishfry Saturday as a family Pre-Mother’s Day gathering. I have 25 pounds of whiting in my freezer at home, 20 pounds of tilipia, and 15 pounds of dressed whole catfish (for the old folks).

I will be done out by the Lake and we shall enjoy. I’m sure that the old folks will play Bid Whist. The last time that we did this was for my dad’s 50th and over 300 people turnout. There was over 100 lbs of fish that time, though.

abc

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

My girl has more than significant assets, and she can certainly do with them as she pleases, as long they pay none of our bills, pay for none of our vacations, pay for none of our anything. She can allocate her assets to herself as she pleases, but I won’t tolerate them to be spent on that which is ours. I pay for that. Period.

Anyone who lets a woman support him is not a man.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

Oh, I re-read that IV REAL. That’s you speaking as the talkin outta both sides of her neck chick. Whew! I was worried for a minute.

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

mytwo- You may have a point BUT you MUST remember that For REal is a Gemini therefore he is two people in one..

lurker

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

Waaaay too many comments to go back. A man taking my last name feels like he handed me his manhood….IMO

Marriage is all that in a nutshell. Hey, as I said this morning I’m a traditionalist. I’m taking your last name and you’re taking the lead.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

No disdain on my part against marriage but like Raqi keep saying everything else to these chicks seems to be more important than marriage.

For Real – It’s always “these chicks” with you. But yet you began your post asking the question why a “dude” should get married, as you have asked several times before.

MyTwo – Maybe HE won’t meet THEIR criteria!LOL!!

Sister Cee – That’s bout like how it went down in my house too!LOL!!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
3:59 pm

And again I agree with the alphabet man if a boyfriend is all you want then remain so. Or roommate or whatever.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:01 pm

AR

All the talk about KFC’s grilled chicken reminds me that I had my first El Pollo Loco experience last Saturday.

One of my classmates hosted a study group and she got some food from El Pollo Loco near Cumberland Mall. She lives in some apartment near there. She is from Albuquerque, NM so the southwestern eatery is right up her alley.

Jack Smiley

May 7th, 2009
4:01 pm

Two words…….

I farted!

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:02 pm

Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her?

abc

May 7th, 2009
4:02 pm

Still, what does the 21st century have to do with it?

So far, I don’t see that the century change has brought much of benefit, in and of itself.

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:03 pm

Jack- You shouldn’t have typed jack sh** if that was all you had to say..

Wise Diva

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

Oh yes, we love new readers/voices adding comments, welcome welcome, thanks to those that extended a welcome too :)

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

PG,thats sounds like fun

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
4:04 pm

Can I come PoppaG, I love a good hand of bid whist! Do you know that a lot of people don’t know how to spell “whist!” J/K about coming over!

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:06 pm

Ared: I know you are a traditional chick and I think that’s cool as hell but my point is these chicks talking about what they will not do once they are married are the same reasons some dudes state for not getting married at all. 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2

For Real now slapping the ish out 2Pennies for mentioning his name and marriage in the same sentence. – 2Pennies where in my post did you deduce that I want to be married? I do not want to be married! Hell I don’t even want a girlfriend! I don’t have a problem with people that are married or people that want to get married. All I’m saying is all marriage does is give people assest to their spouse’s ish. You can get the same commitment without getting married and with some of these chicks talking about what they ain’t giving up once they get married, why get married?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
4:06 pm

My nanna used to say “if you gonna throw at it, you may as well not bother doing it at all”.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:07 pm

SexyCool sowwy ;-) I had to sing the song to remember the number.

Jack- You shouldn’t have typed jack sh** if that was all you had to say.. :lol:

PoppaG So did you like El Pollo Loco? Speaking of…where’s Dreams?

Jamoca

May 7th, 2009
4:07 pm

Cee – Thanks chick!…and actually you have a very unique last name…almost can be passed for a first and/or last…but with the way you’ve been spewin’…that last name bout to get reeeeaaaal dignified, huh? Lol …and I ’spect to receive my invitation before the year is through…or just a date on the when and where.

Tatas – Gurl, I’m going to strangle you!!!… …Jamoca’s now looking for her duck tape and a blind fold….AND a storage closet lol Quit tryin’ to make ish happen, chick…and ain’t nobody tryna go to Key West, they have to many issues, starting with all of those Burmese pythons coming out of the Everglades. Hahahaaa..

Raqi – Your 2:24…yeah, and it may sound unreal to some (heyal if I care) but I’d really want them to feel a sense of belonging, no matter when or how “they got here” and…as far as I’m concerned, “the man to be” would have already had to have known and/or came to grips with this before we even progressed…and vice versa.

Some may even view it as, letting the absent father “walk”. It all depends on the individual and the situation at hand. If I know that the absent father is a danger to their well being and they’d be better off while he’s “playing the disappearing act” ???…there’s just no way in heyal, that I’ll consider “his anything”.

So yes, I also agree that my daughters would have more to gain, with little to nothing to lose….and that would be for starters, the true definition of a (family) man and the significance in the role he plays in the home…or better yet, both roles combined.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 7th, 2009
4:08 pm

@Lioness re: “Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her?”

This happened to me a few years ago. The funny thing is that I really planned to marry the lady, but somehow when she suggested that, I froze up like I was being given the death sentence. At the end of the day, I chickened out and could not give up my own pad. Maybe I have more commitment phobia than I realized. (For the record, the reference to “t-shirts” is almost always referring to the things I have screwed up, not the ones I got right).

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
4:09 pm

PROFESSOR….@ your 3:41…girl get out of my head! :lol: My thoughts exactly.

RAQI….I have changed my last name. It is of no one on either side of my family. And I doubt a man would want to be called Mr. Staceye R*****!

COUGAR….living in separate houses….that works for me dude! Now about this name thing… :lol:

POPPA…can I come? :lol: The only fried food I will eat is fried whiting!

anonymousella

May 7th, 2009
4:09 pm

amazonred, thank you for calling for real out on that. many (most?) of the women here who want to keep their last name also place extra emphasis on the IF in “if i got married.” there’s no talking out both sides of the neck unless you think all two dozen plus of us are really just one person.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
4:13 pm

You can get the same commitment without getting married

ForReal that is where I have to disagree. When my husband’s brother was in a fire he was living with his girlfriend (his now wife). She had no legal right to sign giving the hospital the permission to do anything. They were living in VA at the time and my f-i-l had to fly there and take care of all the legalities that needed to be taken care of. While she had assess to everything that he owned she had no legal or decision making rights. The utilization of the assets are more important than assess to them. She could have wiped him out financially in a time of distress but she couldn’t sign for him to get the surgery that he needed. And those funds to had assess to help pay for that surgery.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
4:14 pm

I do not want to be married! Hell I don’t even want a girlfriend!

For Real – And you’re on a dating blog because….?

English Girl

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

@abc…so your ‘girl’/wife? is a stay at home Mom? If she does work, she doesn’t hav to contribute to the household, even if it’s do to something nice for you? You pay for everything? That’s cool if that works for you. I just know working and contribuing to make my family stronger is all I know how to do. Grew up with my Mom and Dad both working and contributing to the household. My Mom was truly my Dads’ life partner.

Even though she worked two jobs and contributed, he was still the man of the house, she struck a great balance between being a working woman, wife and Mom. Also I think it made my Dad feel like she always had his back.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

KIMMIE Yeah girl. Eventhough I misread it, I do wonder if that’s what lurks beneath. Also wondering if it’s ever been considered that even if you don’t recognize your disdain – that doesn’t mean it ain’t coming across. And who mentioned disdain, anyway? It’s one of my fave words! LIONESS Point taken!

ABC So in any relationship you’re in, would the woman be free to do what she will with all of her monies? Or do you mean she’d pay the bills she created (Student Loans, car note) but nothing shared? What if she isn’t fiscally responsible? Something tells me it’d be tough for you to find that kinda chick sexy, tho hahaaaa

Ahh, PG, I’ve never felt more like family. And you did say the Mrs. is on board with Big Love. Gimme a hint bout that Lake – does it sound more like Altoona or Lanier ;) Hope y’all have a great time cuttin’ up…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:15 pm

Staceye

Honestly, if you could find your way to the LaGrange area (Westpoint), you probably could fit in. It would be like that Poetic Justice barbecue. We had a fishfry when my dad turned 50 and over 300 people showed up and over 100 lbs of fish disappeared. (We supplied takeout plates because my mom didn’t want all of her foil gone.)

This time it isn’t at my house or my parents. We aren’t hosting it. I haven’t been to this lake house before. Since we live downtown, we got assigned getting fish from inland seafood (who supply the restaurants around town).

For Real

May 7th, 2009
4:16 pm

Kimmie: I say “these chicks” because these chick are the ones saying this ish. Thus, the question why should a dude get married when “these chicks” are talking about all the ish they will not do once they get married? – “Maybe HE won’t meet THEIR criteria!” – Hey I can live with that, I ain’t perfect just real close.

Lurker: “I’m taking your last name and you’re taking the lead.” – That’s real talk right dere.

Lioness: No she don’t have a point and what does me being a gemini have to do with anything. Stop touching my straw!!!

abc: When some people turn their nose up to tradition it because it’s their foundation and they are able to extend themselves because they know they have something to reach back for when ish don’t go right.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
4:17 pm

Jamoca I’m really all about names. Oh God have me friends and family with a gang of lovely names. ONly one or 2 are straight made-up ghetto mess.

Speaking of the Admiral he’s so funny bout that family heirloom, and i love that! My last name was all my peers called me growing up) And if i’m not called the other endearing name (first name). It’s Ms. (my lastname.). It will be different after i get married to talk to my friends that still use my lastname and the newname is not considered. We all would have to practice on that.

One cousin calls me by the middle name.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
4:17 pm

Question: Is there anything wrong with a woman asking her boyfriend to move in with her

ur intentions will be for what??? He cld if u let him know why and he is in it with u.
Most guys will treat that as a control mechanism coz they are not married anyway.So whats the point,in their view?
But let me hear from u on the why??

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:19 pm

Randy- So do you think if she didn’t offer that you would have been married right now?

My homegirl just asked her boyfriend to move in with her and he has yet to answer her. They have been dating for 4 or 5 months.. To me, that seems like a desperate move..

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
4:19 pm

Tatas

We, southern folks, like to cook outside. We don’t really have to have a reason to grill out or fry fish. We do it because it is Saturday. With the longer summer day, we do it because it is Wednesday.

Jack Smiley

May 7th, 2009
4:21 pm

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
4:22 pm

For Real – please tell me which of the regulars on here have said they won’t take their husbands name if they got married? We already know Staceye won’t – but she’s not trying to get married. So Imma need you to call out ‘these chicks’ that you speak of or forever hold your peace…

betcha can’t do it

-W8 (the new guy)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

@abc I agree with you. I base EVERYTHING off of my income. The money she makes is for whatever she wants to do with it, because at the end of the day she is not obligated to work(that’s my responsibility) and if she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to. SOme may have a problem with my thought process but it all goes back to something my father taught me, “There is nothing wrong with being hen-pecked…as long as you are pecked by the right hen”(marinate on that) But back to the original topic. all of that comes with having my last name though..lol

LIONESS- Whipped Cream is the DEVIL!!

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Melo- I wouldn’t EVER ask a man to live with me!

Moreover, she hasn’t ever lived with a man before. Currently, he is living with roommates cause he and his last girlfriend broke up and they were living together. That is WAY too messy.. IMO

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
4:23 pm

Poppa – your 4:19 is my family too! Hell we start on Mother’s Day and dont stop til the weather changes. Its nothing for us to have a barbeque/fish fry in October as long as the weather is right! We love to cook outside! I think Lil Mo is having a cookout for birthday number 4 this year