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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Name Game

You take the ring, you take the name. This is the one sentence response I got when I asked an ex-boyfriend how he felt about me not changing my name if we married. I am a Daddy’s girl and he has no sons, so I used to believe that I owed it to Pops to keep the name. The Ex was not warming up to that idea, at all!

I received an email from a reader said that she has noticed the name game among her married friends lately: “Either their names have pretty much stayed the same or the hypenation has been in full-effect!”  She said that it was “surprising to her because so many ladies grew up doodling (and still sneak-a-doodle) the last name of our beloved crush after our first, just to see how it looks.”

She wrote, “I somehow doubt men give this much thought in their formative years, if at all.  Maybe it’s the mindset of the dreaded “Independent Woman” or those who have just gotten so used to solely identifying themselves by maiden name, they can’t go all in with totally disconnecting from it.  How did the married women who chose to keep or hyphenate their maiden names broach the topic?

How did the married men whose mates favored this option react?  Do single, marriage minded men perceive women who would want to do so in a negative way? Do single, marriage minded women perceive guys as insecure if they express discomfort with the idea?

For those married folks who went the traditional route, what influenced your decision?  And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Thanks to the reader for asking these great questions! What do you guys think? Are we still playing the name game in 2009?

460 comments Add your comment

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:04 am

Mo – I feel ya. Lil raschal all up in your tattoo. BUt i guess, if you cain’t understand what it is/means then ask, hunh?

My lil cousin that was killed last Sept. her best friend got my cousin’s name & DOD tattooed on her forearm. Now i don’t know how her parents felt about that, but she came over to the house and showed us the same day she got it. And the colors are the favorite colors my lil cousin liked.

Then 3 more of my lil cousin’s friends mentioned they were doing that same thing. But wasnt’ sure how they would design it.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

AR

So many have gone overboard.

The above referenced statement is why I am not a fan of them on females. I’ve seen way too many female version of Allen Iverson. Tats everywhere.

Cee

I didn’t really see as a strategy. I can understand being used to hearing, answering, and signing one name and being used to it. I guess that it would take some time getting used to answering to Mrs. Johnson when you used to answering to Ms. Smith.

Also, in her case, clients were used to seeing Ms. Smith since she is an attorney. Her first name is relatively common so the clients probably not know that the Ms. Smith that you called last week is not Mrs. Johnson until they were notified.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

I with you on the uniqueness of the last name. Any one you meet w/my last name has to be kin!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

Angie, smehow i see ur point tho in waking up early and blogging by 5.30 am.If u are an early riser!
Just have a thick skin sweetie.
Dont u live in the ghetto over there anyway??
I grew up in Soweto, I can rumble and tangle with SWATS best!! :lol:

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:06 am

CORRECTION

Her first name is relatively common so the clients probably not know that the Ms. Smith that you called last week is now Mrs. Johnson until they were notified.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:07 am

Another quirk – when I am in line ANYWHERE, I don’t like people I don’t know standing in my personal space. Give me two feet.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:08 am

Beautiful I am not trying to teach you anything.

No Lurker that’s my monster-in-law’s name. I mean mother-in-law.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:11 am

Bulldog Chic What a cool staycation? <— i’m using that one on my realtives come next visit. You took kiddies to the Ga. Aquarium, too! Girl did they see the new tiger shark & lionfish? You know i’m amped now! :) Glad you enjoyed your visit with them

Aren’t you excited to see your college have grow so? Make you feel old don’t it? :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
11:12 am

kimmie welcome back, sounds like you had a good time. When I went to homecoming at Purdue this past fall, all we talked about is how we were gypped (sp?) too, LOL. We turned into our parents because we kept telling the current students how good they had it with a shuttle to take them across campus. Telling stories of how we had to trudge across campus in the snow, etc.

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:12 am

On topic:
I come from a very distinguished pedigree! Any woman marrying us will really feel honored to carry our last name.
Queen used to spew that hypheranated nonsense eve now and then when introducing herself to folks,untill she got sucked into Zulu nation.
I dont think she still remembers her last name anymore, it has been so many moons now in the zulu Kingdom. :grin:

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

Feel honored to carry your last name? How about I just feel honored because you are honoring me?

(Melo you know I have to get at you sometimes. lol)

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

PoppaG Yes, i meant the hyphenated startegy.But yes, in her line of work the clients would have needed the heads-up.

Would have been good to inform all, but even with telling people your new lastname. Some still will forget and email, copy a memo, ect with the madien name. I did several of my colleagues like that until i got accustomed to seeing their name in my inbox.

Is it lunchtime yet?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:16 am

I don’t like people I don’t know standing in my personal space

LOL I know. One day I went to Jason’s Deli for lunch and this lady was all up in my back pocket. I had to ask her to take a step or two back. Wasn’t trying to be mean but get off my back.

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
11:17 am

“…..LOVE my tattoos.” I got alot of tattoos myself (and Brands and scars). Sometimes I regret the ones on my forearms. I could never wear a short sleeve shirt in a business enviroment. If the executive staff saw me with my shirt off they would look at me very differently and would immediately contact HR for another background check and drug test.

On topic: If my wife and I ever divorced, I want my muthaf%$kin name back.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:19 am

I want my muthaf%$kin name back

A’ight Ike Turner.

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
11:21 am

One of my favorite phrases is “I’m not getting involved with that…” I’ll gladly loan it out to some of you.

RAQI That already sounds pretty together and honestly, I need a lil sumthin to jazz up some of the more traditional names, so I’d refer to her as both. Then again, I’m just a fan of middle names so I’d surely do it regardless. I’m always sad for those who didn’t get one.

GRACE Speaking of names, yours (or your moniker) is one of the ones I find to be most lovely. HOWEVER it does not mean I am willing to stand idly by while you try to get my millions! Any New Yorker will tell you “All you need is a dollar and a dream.” Seriously, I aim for the 2nd prize. Then you’re not gonna be splashed on tv so your long lost relatives can suddenly resurface…

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:21 am

Cee

Mrs. PG is doing ok, I guess. She has lost 3 close relatives and 1 close friend in the last 30 days. We attended the relative’s funeral, but she didn’t go to the friend’s funeral. She just wasn’t up to it, she has kept in touch with her friend’s family though.

Work has given her something to keep busy right now.

I, on the other hand, am doing stupendous. My spring semester is over and so are finals.

Kimmie

Recently, I had to go to Athens for a conference at the Classic Center. I took a trip over to UGA and I must admit they have upgraded quite a bit. UGA (especially Old Campus) looks very nice. The Dean Rusk building wasn’t even there the last time that I was there.

With all the improvements, y’all really need to upgrade that basketball facility. The Stage-saurus (aka Stegeman Coliseum) was state of the Art about 50 years ago!! Now, it looks old!!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:23 am

TwoLincolns I can already see it…

Raqi: Elizabeth Adalyn get your behind in this house and leave those boys alone!!!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:24 am

Raqi – tell me about it. Somebody is all close on me. So, I move up. Then, they move up. It’s like I can feel them breathing on me. LOL.

Then, I stand there debating how rude I will seem if I tell them to back dahell up or if I care that I’m rude. Cause I really am a nice person.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:25 am

Yeah Cemeeli what’s for lunch?

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:25 am

How about I just feel honored because you are honoring me?

No problem Cool.U know, when a man asks a woman to marry him,that is a Big honor to the lady.And for some of u that are wedding ceremony-afflicted,an even Bigger honor!!!(by the way,Queen still sulks coz i refused to be paraded like a cow,went to court to formalise and officialise it,thats it!)
So you taking my name is honoring me i guess, and kinda paying respects for the honor i bestowed on u in asking for marriage.
Well,besides the historical tradition ofcourse,which i honor and respect very much.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:26 am

Cee

Is it lunchtime yet?

Don’t tell me that you are gonna use your free KFC Grilled Chicken coupon for lunch…Oprah don’t know what she has done. Chicken population will go into a tailspin. tailspin..I tell ya.

If you plan on using said coupon, then you better head on to get into line. You might get that meal by 5 PM.

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:27 am

I’m like that too about the personal space. Back up off me!LOL!!

Sister Cee- Yes, we did see those new fish! It was a great aquarium visit! I got some very cool pictures. Yes, I was very proud to see my school progress the way that it has, but I’m not surprised. They were always on the cutting edge and planning for big things when I was there. I here they might be getting a medical school too. The health center on campus looks like a mini-Northside hospital. You can train for the olympics at the student workout center and they have a huge new biolab. The new dorms look like condos, one has a food court in it. Computers everywhere. Dang, I don’t even know if I could get in now! I did feel a little old, but I felt more pride. Proud of what I’ve become since graduating from such a great place. It was truly a life-changing experience. I would not have changed a thing!

Tazzee – Yeah, we talked to a few students about some of the things we had to go through, like walking over that huge city/campus to one central site to work on a computer, when they have them at their fingertips! And ALL the dorms have A/C, not just a few that you had to pay extra for!

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:29 am

Poppa – Funny, we said the same thing the minute we saw that basketball facility! I’ve seen a lot of folks complain about it on other blogs. I bet a new one is already in the works, though!

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
11:29 am

Any New Yorker will tell you “All you need is a dollar and a dream.”

Mytwo – When I was living in the Northeast the slogan was “where else can you buy a dream for a dollar?” and I used to always think “I thought dreams were free!” :lol:

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:34 am

*Atltwen*
Ur qstion to Ared,here is the heads up:
Depends on how u perceive her in ur eyes and mind.If shes looking sready girl friend material on sight,give her verse like they advised.
If she looks like immediate-not-too-distant smash materil,give her body comentary as long as you have follow thru and u sold out on that.
Every woman has an opportunity to say No or Yes.
You take what she gives u,no sulking,stalking etc after the answer either way.
No real man does that!

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
11:35 am

I live over by Greenbriar. I thought that they were going to have to call APD to direct traffic and for crowd control at the KFC yesterday. LOL

MELO

May 7th, 2009
11:35 am

sready??? lol no! :lol:

steady instead!
(spready cant wrked too,if u lok at it,but not in that sense,a typo indeed!)

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
11:38 am

Hey MO! I just got a cute one. Think I still wanna bring it up a few more inches. Worried about that hot comb in the kitchen since I’m au nauturel tho.

TAZZEE I’d be happy to assist you. And since I’m a pack rat, I will gladly relieve you of some of the gently worn items I’ll convince you to discard.

DU, So it wasn’t a tough sell? I would have to question your wife if she could buy into a buncha the other shiii but not the last name hahaaaa

I’ve written a couple of great term papers on the importance of names, so nevermind my fascination. But I also wonder for those with kids outside of wedlock if the families are all in their grills about giving or not giving the father’s last names since they Ain’t married.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
11:40 am

Thank you mytwo. I love my moniker name. If given a chance to change my real name it would be Olivia Grace.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:42 am

Kimmie

One of my friend’s kids was recruited by former UGA coach Felton. They say that the practice facility is better than the place that the actually play.

Tazzee

I didn’t know that you were a Boilermaker? The were one of the schools that came after me pretty hard. However, I visited in November. I saw snow and felt the cold.

My favorite line from Menace II Society applied….”We’s a tropical people”. Nice school although my Notre Dame folks don’t like Purdue.

Speaking of Notre Dame…How did the manage to get Obama for their graduation? I don’t think that I’d want a sitting Pres. to speak at my graduation. Security will be crazy, but kids would have to be on their best behavior. No beach balls. They might get shot.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
11:43 am

mytwocents – I was all with this long hair but as of recently I need a change. Added some highlights months ago and that kept me pacified for a moment. Now this length has GOT TO GO! I finally found a hairstyle so I plan on going for it, not as drastic a move as I usually make but my hair hasnt been this long since I was 12yrs old either!

Does anyone know of a hairstylist that can do some HELLIFIED highlights??

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
11:43 am

i look cute today! hair flowin’, lips glossin’ . . .

bye bloggers. have a good day!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:45 am

Angie are you finally on your way to work.

(LOL I could not resist.)

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:47 am

I will say this…the last funeral was quite interesting. My wife’s uncle (deceased) was married but separated from his wife and got him a girlfriend. He and the girlfriend lived together for about 25 years.

However, when he died, the sheriff got the uncle’s Caddy (which was apparently only in his name) and had it towed to the wife’s house. The wife and the girlfriend both sat on the front pew with deputies in between them. Then, there was a graveside argument between the ladies.

A couple of days later it was discovered that her uncle had nearly 750,000 in savings and it all went to the wife due to state law. Technically, the uncle was still married.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
11:50 am

SexyCool

I live over by Greenbriar. I thought that they were going to have to call APD to direct traffic and for crowd control at the KFC yesterday

Howell Mill KFC had traffic messed up too.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:50 am

When I got an email for the KFC coupon I just deleted it. I can’t even see myself getting in line at a place that I don’t even eat at. I hate their chicken anyway. The best thing they have is the mashed potato bowl and that I do not need.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
11:52 am

PoopaG The KFC traffic on Cascade near 285 was a mess yesturday around 5:30. Oprah has caused all this mess! :)

But you just gave me an idea on coupon. I have gift-c for Doc Greens that i may used it for lunch today.

Kimmie UGA has always been a community, and not just your ole regular college camp. Good way to get these aspiring graduates more excited about colleges like UGA.

I vistied UNC a couple of weeks ago. Was there for the final southeast Alvin Ailey performance and the college students were so friendly! Kinda made me wanna call home and tell them i’m staying longer. Me and my Tech-grad cousin walked their campus before the show, and it brought back so many memories. Birkestocks, bicycles, backpacks, and students studying on the campus yard EVERYWHERE

Bob

May 7th, 2009
11:53 am

I would not consider marrying a woman who would not take my name. It is not merely tradition, though it is tradition. The tradition signifies a truth about the nature of marriage and family, namely that the husband is the head of the family and the wife is his helper/helpmeet–however you want to say it.

A woman should not consider marrying a man who does not want her to take his name, because he obviously doesn’t take his obligation as head of the home seriously enough, and is likely to abdicate responsibility under the guise of “equality.”

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
11:55 am

I was reading some earlier posts…namely from AmazonRed in regards to appraching a woman. I’m working in Iraq at the moment and it’ll be good to get back to civilization for a little bit. I’ll be lookin forward to seein; you ladies around. Whew…I love Atl in the spring/summertime!!

Zelda

May 7th, 2009
11:56 am

My husband gave me something long and hard on our wedding day: his Polish last name!

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
11:57 am

LOL Poppa the girlfriend can just give it up ’cause the wife comes first. And only to tell the truth. Unless he had a will that specifically outlined his matters, the girlfriend it out. But I guess you know that already Mr. Attorney.

25 years and he never got a divorce??? Girlfriend is out.

Often Disappointed/Never Surprised!

May 7th, 2009
11:59 am

Who decided the rules anyway? As long as the two agree(married couple), what does it matter? I have no sons, and neither did my father-in-law. No big deal. Your daughters will always be your daughters, last name or not!

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
12:02 pm

OMG! GRACE – Olivia is also in my top five. Shhhhh!

ARED I’ve heard so many other slogans over the years, but that one sticks with me. I actually know someone whose Dad hit the NY State lottery. She’s been a stylist since HS so her treat was a salon. I think that’s how my future winnings will be dispersed. Not lump sums but by passions.

PG Seriously? Wait after 25 yrs, why come she fighting over him? Hey, till death did them part…

ELIZABETH ADALYN, you betta bite your tongue!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
12:03 pm

OFF TOPIC:
Beyonce’s mom and Dad seem to have raised that girl real well.
eEvery where i see her,she loks real classy,cultured,well spoken etc.Every thing u want in a daughter.
Just saw her on vhi last nite and my god,baby girl reall looks angelic.I cannot seem to be able to attach any flaw to herself and her character.Who wld want to unruffle,smother and blemish such Godliness??!!!
I hope,pray and trust to God that shes still a virgin! :grin:

abc

May 7th, 2009
12:04 pm

I agree with Bob.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
12:04 pm

Raqi

I am with you on the KFC thing. My wife will tell you that I can’t stand the Colonel. I lived by a NASCAR track. I’ve picked up my share of “buckets” in my life and can’t stand that place.

However, I did print it up and gave it a classmate. After all, it is the semester is over and the loan money is long gone. I went by the school to talk to a professor, and she was leaving her last final.

KsuOwl

May 7th, 2009
12:06 pm

I’m 6′3″….where are all the tall women at?? good lawd!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
12:06 pm

BOB I disagree with the man being head of household crap! I beleive that as a couple we are equally responsible for the running of where we call home. Just because I marry him doesn’t mean I give up who I a have been for the past umpteen years. out of respect for our union…I would simply add his name to mine…a compromise. Not a problem…only when some guy who tries to be controlling make it one. Its a name…a friggin’ name! No one will die over the decision.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
12:09 pm

I’m 6′3″….where are all the tall women at?? good lawd

KsuOwl – Stay safe over there and holla at me when you return!

In fact, on your next free weekend, head over to Kuwait and get vetted by my boo “The Truth.” If you pass his inspection, we’re good! :lol: