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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Name Game

You take the ring, you take the name. This is the one sentence response I got when I asked an ex-boyfriend how he felt about me not changing my name if we married. I am a Daddy’s girl and he has no sons, so I used to believe that I owed it to Pops to keep the name. The Ex was not warming up to that idea, at all!

I received an email from a reader said that she has noticed the name game among her married friends lately: “Either their names have pretty much stayed the same or the hypenation has been in full-effect!”  She said that it was “surprising to her because so many ladies grew up doodling (and still sneak-a-doodle) the last name of our beloved crush after our first, just to see how it looks.”

She wrote, “I somehow doubt men give this much thought in their formative years, if at all.  Maybe it’s the mindset of the dreaded “Independent Woman” or those who have just gotten so used to solely identifying themselves by maiden name, they can’t go all in with totally disconnecting from it.  How did the married women who chose to keep or hyphenate their maiden names broach the topic?

How did the married men whose mates favored this option react?  Do single, marriage minded men perceive women who would want to do so in a negative way? Do single, marriage minded women perceive guys as insecure if they express discomfort with the idea?

For those married folks who went the traditional route, what influenced your decision?  And for those who are dating with kids, would you feel obligated to change your children’s last names to your husband’s if you should marry?”

Thanks to the reader for asking these great questions! What do you guys think? Are we still playing the name game in 2009?

460 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
10:06 am

Speaking of quirks and yesterday’s topic….

I like french fry sandwiches.

I like black eyed peas with cucumbers.

I have to be under a blanket while watching television no matter what time of year it is.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:07 am

is keeping your ex-husband’s name after a divorce a wise decision? are you trying to hold on to something that is not there?

not directed at you SEXYCOOL. just a general question.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:08 am

AIR it’s more biblical. We will be one. One name less division.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:09 am

trust me when i say that if i had a man here laying next to me, you would never read me before lunch or possibly never

*AmazonRed is now steadfastly praying for a man for Angie*

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:10 am

I find it funny when people say that entertainers keep their names because it is famous. A lot of them aren’t even famous under their real names.

Leggs

May 7th, 2009
10:11 am

@Atltwen ~ first and foremost you have to walk w/confidence. A woman can smell a frightened, timid man a mile away. Let go of the “choir boy” image you have of yourself and be a little more assertive. Since you don’t have one-liners (thank goodness), next time walk up and introduce yourself and ask her name. Perhaps she might have time to have a cup of coffe/tea with you. As ARed said, no comments on her body or how her clothes fit her and no comments on what you’d like to do to her if given the chance (which I doubt would even come out of your mouth). C O N F I D E N C E in yourself goes a long way!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:12 am

depending on the number of years you were married to the ex-hubby . . . would that come into play?

for example: married for one year. why would you keep his last name?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:12 am

If the guy isn’t man enough to take it, then that says something about him.

Randyt – Not all guys are progressive. If you grow up thinking that that’s just the way things are done, being presented with an option like carrying the wife’s name could be unnerving. I don’t think it really speaks to his manhood.

I do hope he’d be logical enough to listen to rational argument on the subject, however.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
10:13 am

you’re my air – I would imagine a tattoo of an ex’s name or initials would be a touchy subject. No one wants to see that, as the current SO! As for keeping the last name I think it depends. My mother thought I should have kept ex-hubby’s last name b/c of Lil Mo having that last name. However as I stated, Lil Mo has my maiden name as a middle name so I felt no issue with going back to my maiden name. Plus if I get remarried it would change anyway…..

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:14 am

AmazonRed is now steadfastly praying for a man for Angie AmazonRedLOL…… while you’re at it say a prayer for me too :D

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:15 am

you brought up something very important. tats!

That’s important? :lol:

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:16 am

AmazonRed not for a man but for me to will the GA lottery $$$$ :D

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:16 am

Amazon some days I would read you going back and forth with Angie and would think you were being kinda cruel. But as proven today even when you try to subtly show her something she still don’t get it.

And yes dear that is one of the reasons why I get to break away in the middle of the day should I get the urge. And some days I don’t bother coming back. My boss and I have a long lived long term understanding. LOL I haven’t done that in a while though. But I will resume in the near future.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:18 am

Hey –

My son asked me if his name would change if I married. I told him, no. He will be the only person that will change his name if he ever decides. But if he has a new baby brother/sister come along then the baby’s name would be stepdad’s heir.

abc Did your family oust you because you acquired your stepfather’s lastname?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:18 am

AmazonRedLOL…… while you’re at it say a prayer for me too

Grace – :lol:

No going back to the marriage buffet until us singles get a turn. ;)

Besides, I want you to stick around, though I’m sure your time here is not contengent on having another warm body in your bed. :lol:

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:19 am

@AMAZON
that makes two of us! lol.

SexyCool

May 7th, 2009
10:20 am

I didn’t think it was directed at me. Naw, for me – I wasn’t holding onto anything. I just really liked my signature. lol…

Besides…I was only married two and a half years. It took me two years to get my ID’s all changed over. I had only gone through all of that just before we started having our issues and split.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:20 am

But as proven today even when you try to subtly show her something she still don’t get it.

Yes, you can always tell the Moms on the board. They have the patience of Job! I commend you. Cuz I can’t coddle grown people. :lol:

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:23 am

Mr. Me has a nice last name Jeckins. Ergo, so is Mrs. Me.

How are you today?

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:23 am

not for a man but for me to will the GA lottery $$$$

Grace, I will most definitely do this, as long as you give me $50,000 (after taxes) in return. :lol: That’s all I need!

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:28 am

@RAQI
whenever i give you the benefit of the doubt, it bites me in the azz. *not surprised though*.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
10:31 am

Cemeeli How are you? One of these days when I get fully moved in, you’ll have to come over and beat me at Wii tennis.

It seems that as soon as I got my house to the place where I could comfortably live there, I slacked on the rest of my unpacking. I might have to have another unpacking party or something…

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:33 am

Beautiful, give ME the benefit of the doubt? For what?

My efforts were in an attempt to show you something.

Grace

May 7th, 2009
10:34 am

Thant’s all you need??? Amazon now don’t go changing your mind when I win that $202 mill.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:34 am

It’s Angie against the world Raqi? Didn’t you get the memo? She’s always the victim.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:38 am

Amazon I’m not trying to be a coddler of grown folks either. LOL I was just trying to show her something and everytime I have tried she don’t get it. That was my last attempt.

Let me get back on topic.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:38 am

Tazzee – It’s a deal. You should have the next Wii party. I’ll bring my own set Wii of tennis racquet.

The last Unpacking Party? Girl, i’ll work as long as you feed me.

Mo Now dude that asked you about your tattoo. He just wanted to know if that was a dude’s intitials.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:40 am

As for tattoos, I would never get one of anyone’s name. Not even my own child. The one tat that I have is very generic.

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
10:41 am

My wife hyphenated her last name for the first couple of years. Her argument was that she was just used to writing and hearing that maiden name. As a matter of fact, the receptionist at her firm says that it took nearly a month for my wife to answer a page when it was given solely under the married name. She used the hyphen more during as a transition period. After about year four, I rarely even saw maiden name.

Honestly, It didn’t bother me. I really have enough things of my own about which to worry.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:42 am

Grace – If you win $202 million, $50,000 is really all I need. If I can get that from an internet stranger, I’ll be doing pretty well.

Heck, if any rich internet strangers are reading and have $50,000 to spare, holla at me! :D

mytw♥cents

May 7th, 2009
10:43 am

I’m very attached to my last name and for the most part, my circle goes military style – you are addressed by your last name. I always thought I wouldn’t want to change my last name. Partly because I couldn’t ‘hear’ another last name as sounding right. Looking back, the other part is probably cuz I grew up around so many blended families and common law situations that I never thought twice. Nowadays I’m all for the trade in. As long as it ain’t too crazy of a name… I bet my name would sound good hyphenated, tho, cuz it’s short. Ooh, I get so annoyed with hypenates (that’s what I call the women) who have like twenty letters in each name or the names just don’t flow!

I know a couple of divorcees who wanted the divorce, but kept the last name. I chalked it up to hassle too, but still kinda think if you wanna divest yourself of him, that might go a long way towards it.

ALTWEN Uhm, why did your brother go AWOL for two years, was your family fighting harder against her than he was about it and didn’t it all just confuse the kids?

ABC I think you’ve done it more than once, so did either of them ever actually mention not taking on the alphabet?

Poppa Grande

May 7th, 2009
10:44 am

Actually, I am glad that my wife chose to express herself through piercings over tattoos.

I have a tattoo myself, but not a real big fan of them on females.

you're my AIR . . . i don't want to be your FRIEND anymore

May 7th, 2009
10:47 am

@RAQI
ok, i’ll play along. (eyeroll) what are you teaching me today MRS. RAQI? you’re assuming that i never take away with me what you tell me. how do you know this?

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:48 am

it took nearly a month for my wife to answer a page

Poppa that is understandable and very common. I had a dentist appt shortly after Mase and I married and didn’t immediately realize the tech was talking to me when she called for Mrs. XYZ. It was when she said Mrs. ‘raqi’ xyz that it dawned on me.

Unless a woman spends months and years referring to herself in her mind as the Mrs. before the actual union takes place it is not uncommon for it to take a minute to get used to. When have been one thing for like 25, 30, 40 years…

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
10:50 am

PG – I have one, but I’m not a fan of them on females either. So many have gone overboard.

I really thought hard about how they’d look in a strapless dress or wedding gown and didn’t go for anything that would show. At one point I was thinking of getting another, but couldn’t think of any place where it would meet the above criteria or not be in a “ghetto” spot (like a boob). So I didn’t get one.

To be honest, I could have done without it. The good thing is that I don’t see it unless I look in a mirror. The bad thing is I don’t see it unless I look in the mirror. It’s kinda like “what’s the point.” Though I do like how no one ever thinks my BAP-ish azz would have ever gotten one.

Cemeeli

May 7th, 2009
10:52 am

PoppaG Mrs. G’s startegy is one to think about….hmmmm.

How is she doing anyway? I mean, how are all doing since the last unthinkable.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Well we all know I am a person that gives the middle finga to traditional ways of thinking and living. Personally, I feel the woman is always expected to change herself for a man. Why is it that we are the only changers? Men can stay the same. That is man’s way of having control of women. If I have been know as Staceye XXX my whole life…I am not changing it. Now I do have diferent names for myself as a singer/actress and one as a dancer. I feel life is about addition not loss of one’s self. I do not have a sentimental attachment to my last name…just the principle. How would men like it if they had to change their name? If the tables were turned and the woman they chose to marry loved everything about them but made a stink and would not marry them over something as stupid as a name? Sounds to me like they never really loved you at all. If I was to bump my head….wait I take that back…I bumped my head and still don’t want to marry. :lol: But if by chance I lose my mind and decided to marry, I would add my hubby’s name. By marrying him..he is an addition to the life I already had before him. Therefore, I am not losing me but expanding me. Any man that can’t deal with it is not the man for me. That means he is a slave to what society says we should be. If he really loves me..he loves my rebelion and all.

Raqi

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Partly because I couldn’t ‘hear’ another last name as sounding right

TwoLincolns my daughters name is going to be beautiful with our last name. It has a beautiful ring to it Elizabeth Adalyn XYZ. Now mine not so much. It sounds okay but it doesn’t have that nice of a flow to it. But hey, you take the ring, you take the name.

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 7th, 2009
10:53 am

Cemeeli – I had dudes ask that too about my initials! Are those his initals?? I would never get someone else’s name/initals tatted on me, except maybe Lil Mo and thats shaky! Mine are simple and about me! LOL!

Tazzee – upacking party….I should’ve had one of those when I moved!! LOL! I hate unpacking

lurker

May 7th, 2009
10:55 am

potential for a crazy day I tell ya

lurker

May 7th, 2009
10:58 am

Raqi…was that due to me? I listed Elizabeth as a nice traditional name…a few weeks back. THANKS RAQI….just kidding.

Staceye not the middle fanga..lol

Jamo I missed a couple of your posts yesterday. You know I wasn’t tryna put the ig on you.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
10:58 am

I happen to LOVE my tattoos and piercings. Now I wish I did not get the one on my arm…I hate the placement…not the tattoo. However…I was able to compete in pageants with it. When I have a formal event…I can where Dermablend and it’s covered. And I plann on getting a another one soon!

MELO

May 7th, 2009
10:59 am

We have the potential for a crazy day

U right Lurker! Ared just passed out Raqi’s( a married woman) sleeping history to the whole blog in one 1/2 sentence Whitebread, Nature Guy, Mason? etc :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 7th, 2009
10:59 am

Mo – sad thing is, I already had one…I’m not very good with focusing so I’ll start something and go to another room and forget what I was doing initially. So really, my next unpacking party will be a babysitter forcing me to stay focused :lol:

abc

May 7th, 2009
11:00 am

2cent, my first wife made a little noise about wanting to keep her maiden name. Even though she didn’t keep it, she still remained more a part of that family than the family she, our son and I represented, which was a problem. 2nd wife didn’t have a problem with changing her name.

Cee, it’s not like a formal disowning or anything like that. I live across the country from all of them anyway, we just don’t communicate.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 7th, 2009
11:00 am

RAQI…that is a pretty name. I have an Aunt and a little cousin named Elizabeth. We call my Aunt Ellie and the cousin Lizzie.

AmazonRed™

May 7th, 2009
11:01 am

Ared just passed out Raqi’s( a married woman) sleeping history to the whole blog in one 1/2 sentence Whitebread, Nature Guy, Mason? etc

Well melo, if Raqi’s “sleeping history” :???: is of only 3 guys, I’d say she’s probably a Nun in her day job. :D

Grace

May 7th, 2009
11:01 am

HA! Amazon- Let’s say it’ll be a payment for all your sessions with Beautiful. :)

kimmie

May 7th, 2009
11:03 am

Good morning blog fam! Been on a little “staycation”. My best friend from college came for a visit from California and brought my goddaughter. We took in the aquarium, some cool restaraunts, my nephew’s first birthday party/puppet show and saw old friends. My god-daughter LOVES my boyfriends two kids, so we have to take them to California to visit her. But the highlight of the visit was our trip back to UGA on Tuesday. I had given goddaughter a little UGA cheerleader outfit for Christmas and she wore it on our visit. She was the hit of the campus. We actually got to meet the university president Adams and he was totally charmed by her! It was great to be back at UGA, but we both remarked that we got jyped! The changes and progress that place has made boggles the mind! It was a great place before, but it is incredible now.

On topic – I’m a little attached to my last name because I come from a great family and it carries a lot of pride for me. But I would have no problem changing it upon marriage. I would just make my maiden name my middle, though I like my middle name too! Don’t really want to do the hyphen thing, so I’d take the name for the right guy!

DuShawn

May 7th, 2009
11:03 am

My last name is cool and very unique. Anybody you meet with this name is a relative. My sister and most female cousins keep it and go the hyphenated route after marriage. I’m already conditioning my daughters to do the same.