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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

It’s Not A Guy Thing

I know men are often blamed for being the ones that hate confrontation, but it’s not a guy thing. Plenty of women detest having long drawn out discussions about “where is this going” or “what are you thinking/feeling”. I know this because I lean toward the, so called guy side in these situations. In a relationship, I don’t like the uncomfortable confrontations that will surely come with a new relationship.

I’m the type that just likes to say what’s bothering me and move on – quickly. I don’t want to dwell on it or dissect it. I’m also the type that cuts her losses really quick when I notice things going south with a new guy. There was a guy who insisted on calling me repeatedly after we decided we weren’t going to work. He would engage me in these heated discussions and it was draining. Why can’t I ever date the men who avoid confrontations like I do?

Guys, have you ever dated a woman who was like you in the sense that she hated confrontations? Do you think that was a good thing or a bad one? How did that play out when you really needed to get something off your chest?

Ladies, do you think men avoid confrontation because the way women react when things get intense? Have you found a way to handle the confrontations with a little bit of finesse that won’t make the man cringe or run for the hills?

What do you do when you lose interest in someone new and there is not really a “break up” needed, but the person confronts you about where they stand?

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! Where will you be celebrating?

296 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
1:23 pm

Truth…that is funny.

Some “normally sane” people can get some strange ideas when the thought of pregnancy comes along. I was “involved” wiath a lady who had had her tubes tied, and I had been fixed (I mean BOTH of us were fixed), and she ran out and bought a pregnancy test kit when her period was a week late. I guess she figured that even though my vasectomy had worked fine for years, and her tubal had worked fine for years, that maybe things could grow back. All I could do was just indulge her fantasy (while thinking WTF). (HMMM, as I write this I realize that I THOUGHT I was her only lover…HMMM).

abc

May 5th, 2009
1:25 pm

Regarding Bill’s dilemma, the thing that strikes me is that she doesn’t apparently consider you part of her support system. Chicks are all about support systems, especially single chicks. If school, kids and everything are all that stressful, she needs more of a support system than ever. If you’re just a time drain, that speaks for itself. If you’re not part of her support system, that speaks for itself, too.

If you want a chick like that, be a part of her support system.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
1:26 pm

Truth,whats ur email add??

I just forwarded to some of you guys, an online bizness publication from South Africa.Just read the section headed “THE WORLD AFTER 2020′(if u dont wanna mess with it longer),talking about Somali pirates,global fishing resources….Just an african perspective,I guess.Interesting!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
1:27 pm

Years ago, I read in one of those “Dear Abby” columns, a girl wrote in and said something like, “can a girl get pregnant from oral sex? I think I am pregnant”.

Dear Abby responded, “only if you open your mouth to say yes”.

Wise Diva

May 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

No problem Amazon! I meant to bring it up yesterday and I forgot.

“Kym is like Whoa”, aw thanks! I am trying really hard to get some surprise guest bloggers, to switch things up a little. I appreciate the blog crew not throwing tomatoes LOL! Hang in there, ya’ll

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
1:28 pm

Kym, as I told you hand jobs are technically “relations” and more is expected later. Should I have answered that offline? My bad. Nah, hit me offline, you have my addie.

Wise Diva

May 5th, 2009
1:29 pm

Hey Sexyleggs! I got Chrisette last night from Amazon’s mp3 download for 2.99. LOVE what I hear so far

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 5th, 2009
1:32 pm

MELO got your email….looks interesting.

M I called you but the line was busy. I’ll try again later.

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
1:34 pm

No problem, WiseDiva. I was just gonna keep asking til you answered or Blanca came back. :lol:

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 5th, 2009
1:37 pm

hand jobs are technically “relations” and more is expected later.

Now THAT’S a topic to discuss :)

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 5th, 2009
1:38 pm

SASSY….”I’m thinking you’re my ex for a reason so why would I wanna be your friend. I’ve had exes in the past try to get back with me but I don’t back track” Girl I feel you. I do not back track. Now there are about 3 or 4 that I am cool wiht because we realized that we were good friends b4 getting romantically involved. So we were able to go back to it because we should have never been more than friends. But the rest of those mofos….if they were on fire on the street I wouldn’t even pee on them! :lol:

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
1:38 pm

Hoing update in Kuwait: There are actually 2 types of hoing going on in Kuwait i’ve learned.

1) Straight hoing, chick gives you her business card in a mall or on the street and you call when you need attention. Always oriental or from the phillipines. Always.

2) Indirect hoing: You meet chick in a get together or anywhere. She lays with you on day one or two and by day 4 is calling to tell you how nuch she loves you. Day five is another phone call telling you she needs money for blah blah blah. This could be malaysions, orientals, indians, or any other nationality in this camp.

Wise Diva

May 5th, 2009
1:39 pm

LOL @ Sassy, sounds like a set up for freaky friday

Jamoca

May 5th, 2009
1:40 pm

Afternoon you all…

Ms. MyTwo You know “what I’m on” right about now chick…even thinking about laying the ish out, if for nothing more than for the helluvit…just to get the <—- “I reject that” response.

So I must admit, how I can truly understand why for him, ot definitely “got” “Hard To Breath”.

I can actually dig what some folks are saying about “the way” she brought the issue to you, Bill…however, I “naturally” can appreciate Foots’ response to you as well. Believe me, dude, you ain’t gotta explain, flow by flow…detail for detail to NO ONE here. Nobody knows the situation like you do, to include the woman you speak of.

See, I’ve also admired folks who were honest enough with themselves to know what they could and could not do (to their best ability) as well as being big enough to admit that she’s not “every woman”. One of my pet peeves being that if you’re going to do something, do it right…if not, for whatever reason…get the “FOCK” out the way. Only “whole azzes” need apply, no room for half azz naythin.

Bill, this would be a good time to focus on yourself more, while throwing in a little soul searching ya’ self…heyal, you asked her to multitask, so why can’t you. Point being…make sure you’re really down for this kind of ride though, straight up and from a single mother of 3 myself (who gracefully bowed-out of the entire dating realm)…due to various reasons, to include the examples given in your initial posts. But best believe, I got my behind on the phone, if I could not make it to him for some face to face. But it gave us both the floor to chop it up, as well as space and oppty for any other questions and concerns….

…I have more that I just might expound on a little further, allow me to consult my alter ego, Ms Janie, just to be sure

Leggs

May 5th, 2009
1:41 pm

WOW, that’s great WD!

@Foots, don’t know what time you gave this advice, but you gave $Bill some very good advice!

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
1:44 pm

Truth – Are you having relations while you are over there? Seems dangerous. :lol:

$ Bill

May 5th, 2009
1:49 pm

Jamoca: Much appreciated comments because she also bowed out. I am working on me by volunteering to help others plus by building myself more spiritually. Trust me, I’m not sitting around at and watching the time tick away. I am doing what I need to do for me right now.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
1:50 pm

Wise-i have an idea for a topic. While we always talk about whats wrong with the dating scene we never talk about what we can do to up our game and make ourselves more marketable, and we all can do something.

I remember reading in a christian book “The Making of a Man” or something like that and they were saying that a man gets a home and then brings his woman to it. I thought about it and all the tightest cats I knew had them so I bought one. Low and behold my dating stock went up immediately. Anyway, thats my recommendation for a topic, what can be done to update your resume, dating wise?

Ared, I miss liquor. There’s none in this country legally and if you get caught with some you’re on the next plane home. Really. Its pathtetic really. Bust a guy in the azz. Cool. Take chicks in the desert and rape em. No problem. Have a friggin drink. Start the holy jihad.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
1:52 pm

don’t know what time you gave this advice

At the time Leggs,Foots was actually sitting on $Bill’s lap!! :lol: Is it still good advice in ur view??? LMAAAOF!!!

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do baby :-)

May 5th, 2009
1:52 pm

Staceye Okay? I feel like Martin when he used to say “Poof…be gone”

Wise Diva chirl I’ll be here with bells on that day. The blog would lock up and shut down from too many responses….MELO would get in trouble at work and Truthey might go AWOL from duty…LMAO at just the thought of it :)

SexyCool

May 5th, 2009
1:53 pm

A gf of mine just sent me an email about her daughter’s Senior Letter Campaign.

“The main objective/goal of the Senior Letter Campaign is to provide each graduating Senior with a letter and/or letters from friends, family, coaches, and the like with kind words of expression, tips for success, do’s/don’ts of college, etc.”

I have so much that I would like to tell her that I can’t come up with a place to start. So, I’ma cheat a bit and ask you guys for a few words of wisdom to get me going.

Thanks.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
1:58 pm

@Bill

There is some difference of advice on the blog today regarding what you should do. Now might be a good opportunity to point out that free advice is usually worth just about what it costs. I would also recommend that you try to remember that one can never “make” someone love them back. It either is or is not and unfortunately not under your control. Do what is right for YOU.

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
2:06 pm

Ared, I miss liquor. There’s none in this country legally and if you get caught with some you’re on the next plane home

:shock: That’s a no deal! Did you know that when you signed up???

I’m kind of missing it too. The most recent guys I’ve dated don’t drink at all. Now, drinking is not a requirement or anything, but I’d rather you be open to having one socially.

I’m not sure what I’m doing to attracted this latest brand of L7s maybe the light on my halo is too bright. Let me dim it down a bit. :lol:

JtJ

May 5th, 2009
2:06 pm

Afternoon All,

On Topic: Life is a confrontation. We take it head-on each and every day and we have to decide what we will deal with and what we won’t. It is IMPOSSIBLE to avoid confrontations in any human relationship. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle them, though. Relationships are tough enough as it is, without having to go through murky waters for no good reason. If an issue needs to be discussed, do so in a manner that will involve the minimum amount of drama.
In my relationship, we make it a point to have a good talk at least once a week, where we discuss things about finances, feelings, the kids, future plans. Best time though is when we have both released and are relaxed.
RE: Bill
I think Bill is either a rare catch or someone who can’t take them hint. But I must agree with Foots & Sexycool, if this possible relationship is worth the wait, he should at least try to keep in touch just as friends. I was in this situation when I divorced, with the 3 kids, and was persuing my degree at Georgia State. It really is a lot to bear and it definitely requires reliable support from family and friends. Maybe the relationship with Bill was just not what she needs right now. A friendship may be worth it though.
BOSTON will back…….Wednesday night will be a BLOW OUT!!!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
2:07 pm

This may be a repeat but it seems my lst post did not get through.

Bill, you have gotten a lot of advice here, much of which may be contradictory. Now might be a good time to point out that “free advice is usually worth just about what it cost”. All of us are talking thorugh our own experiences and pain, and it may or may not be relevant to your situation.

The best advice is possibly something I learned in a class I took a number of years ago. IDD. IDENTIFY, DETACH, then DECIDE. You have to “identify” the problems for what they are, ‘detach” until your head clears and you can be more objective as you decide what is the appropriate response, and then (not before) “decide” what is the right thing for YOU to do. The most important part is “detach”…get away and let your head clear. This is what people should do when a confrontation is brewing in a relationship also.

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
2:08 pm

Email sent Truth..that’s if you have not been caught by the secret police.

Wisey..I mean it think about it..You have outlasted what Laney, Bella and now this Blanca.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

The most recent guys I’ve dated don’t drink at all

In my younger days, I observed that guys who drink beer have beer on number 1,sports on 2 and gerlz on maybe 3.And they do luv their beer,u can tell by their bellies.
Now,guys who dont drink or just drink socially eve now and then have their focus on what??? U guessed it.
They are the worst playas!!
They might like sports,a lot.But they will always want to have eye candy by their side!

$ Bill

May 5th, 2009
2:12 pm

JtJ: Thanks! Taking a hint isn’t the issue despite some of the non-sense being spewed on here. Everything else you said is on point. The comments from Foots, SextCool and Randyt will prove to be helpful.

Wise Diva

May 5th, 2009
2:14 pm

wait a minute, did TMac call me a liar, this morning? LOL!

$ Bill

May 5th, 2009
2:14 pm

Sorry…SeXyCool! :)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 5th, 2009
2:15 pm

SexyCool a very impt do – always wear your shower shoes.

I know you want something deep, but my mind is on margaritas right now.

Its pathtetic really. Bust a guy in the azz. Cool. Take chicks in the desert and rape em. No problem. Have a friggin drink. Start the holy jihad. Dang Truth, that’s messed up.

SexyCool

May 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

Actually, Taz – that was PERFECT!!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
2:17 pm

@Truth…several years ago, I was offered an opportunity to go to Kuwait for a year and make a shyte pot full of money (at the time when a number of contractors were “losing their heads”). I told the guy I did not think I could go without women and booze for a year. About that time I remembered I was actually going through a remarkably “dry” period both relationally and alcoholically (sp?). I thought, “wait a minute, how is that any different from what I am going through anyway? I’m not drinking or “having women”. At least I can make a ton of $$$. So I did the wise thing…went out and got drunk and got laid. Did not go to Kuwait, but did cure the other dilemma…LOL

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
2:19 pm

alcoholically

:lol:

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
2:21 pm

SexyCool if she is going to college..tell her being on her own means she has the freedom to make more choices. While freedom is great..it is important to act(behave) wisely with that freedom..something like that.

Foots

May 5th, 2009
2:21 pm

MELO LOL! You betta be glad I like you! :-)

Randy IDD…I’ll remember that one.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
2:22 pm

Bill, the only non sense is that your a grown azz man waiting for some chick that didnt have the common courtesy to tell you face to face to kiss off you soft azz idiot. When you posted that sob story there was only 2 possible outcomes. Stay in that bs or bounce. You got both but the one that goes against your desired outcome is non sense. Apparently your girls, and I use that term loosely, is siding with us because she’s told you to bounce as well. Go ahead and hold on til she calls 911 on your silly azz. Dudes like you give normal cats a bad name. SMH

Ared, turn one up for the love of your life in kuwait. LOL How in the hell can you have a dry country. I’ve heard of a dry county but a whole country?

Foots

May 5th, 2009
2:25 pm

Hey Jamoca!!

SexyCool She’s right about those shower shoes. Also, never room with your best friend, and especially not if she can wear the same size clothes and shoes. And make sure she’s allergic to your laundry detergent. LOL! Y’all know I have a story about that!

MELO

May 5th, 2009
2:27 pm

SexxyCool after all that advice, I suggest u suggest to the mum to take her to the nearest drug rehab/homeless center.Let the kid know that most or some of those bums messed up their lives at almost/about the same time that she is at right now,and they neva recovered.Messed up for lyfe.There is another and wiser way to navigate lyfe.School.
That shld do it,for shock value.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
2:27 pm

Uh Oh Melo
“or just drink socially eve now and then have their focus on what??? U guessed it.
They are the worst playas!!”

I may need to go home and look in the mirror. Could I be a playa and not know it? ;-)

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
2:30 pm

Ared, turn one up for the love of your life in kuwait.

I’ll do you proud, baby!

Yeah, my sister and her husband live in a dry county and wonder why I don’t want to visit. You can rip my ticket up to come visit you. We’ll continue by webcam. Don’t mind the martini next to me. :lol:

DuShawn

May 5th, 2009
2:30 pm

“….If you want a chick like that” @ABC I’m noticing more and more Ebonics in your posts lately. If I recall correctly, you even used the word “ho’s” the other day. You keep moving in this direction, we may have to call meeting to discuss the reinstatement of your hood pass.

As far as College advice, tell her don’t date Da Bruz.

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
2:32 pm

As far as College advice, tell her don’t date Da Bruz.

:lol: That is some good azz advice.

Jamoca

May 5th, 2009
2:36 pm

Foots, hey gurl!!!…

Alright, Bill…just for starters…yeah, I said starters…lol

Like I previously mentioned, I had at one time or “another” entertained a long distance relationship with someone, on the pretense that I was already considering moving to his neck of the woods, before ever meeting/getting to know him…of course, for my own reasons (which initially had nothing to do with him).

Overtime, we had gotten pretty well acquainted with one another and it also helped that he was a S/P himself…so there was definitely an unspoken communication between the two of us, on subjects/matters we didn’t really have to explain to the other. It was thoroughly understood.

Time went by, workload got hectic, schedules got crazier (moreso on my end)…and let’s add in a few things he was dealing with himself. We were finding ourselves tested on so many levels…to be long distance. Occasionally, I’d ask if he was sure that he wanted to come along on this ride and vice versa…was he sure he wanted me to saddle up for the voyage.

I’d like to believe, that we both had good intentions for the other and their child(ren)…but here’s where things became even more challenging…he brought the issue to me first, which was good. At that moment, I could/should have really laid it all out for him. I did not. I was afraid, discourage you name it b/c in the back of my mind..all that I kept thinking about was how much more of a load I had, compared to his. I’d beat myself up about it so much, but would never really be fully clear on saying exactly what I meant. Big mistake.

I did not really give him a chance to see if he was really game, since it was HIS decision to choose and NOT MINE alone. The relationship began to fade,we talked less and less…and of course the inevitable. …but I KNEW what MY problem was. ME.

Trust, it’s not easy admitting to someone else that you’re self conscious about your own situation and how opening the gate for someone new to come in and have access to it …well, it can be uncomfortable in the beginning stages…heyal throughout any stage, since you’re both still learning one another.

Now, I am not saying that my previous situation was/is yours, but she could be very well dealing with other issues thrown into the mix of school and kids. There is an interesting turning point to this story…which may give you a little more hope…bbl

MELO

May 5th, 2009
2:36 pm

Could I be a playa and not know it?

I actually prefer Atlanta’s high pollen count on my nostrils to ur wet and multi-women-stink colored T shirts Randy. :grin: U need redemption!

The Truth

May 5th, 2009
2:39 pm

As far as the “where are we going with this?” discussion in a relationship:

Years ago, I really liked this young lady, we talked on the phone, and ended up going out on couple of dates. After the third date, I called her up and asked “when friends ask me about you, what should I call you?” She calmly and simply replied, “You should call me your girlfriend, because we’re more than friends but not that serious.” That was 21 years ago and she was clear on where we stood then, and every step along the way as our relationship developed. Today, I introduce her as my wife. There’s nothing wrong with clarity between two people regarding the status of the relationship and it eliminates a lot of miscommunication and hurt feelings.

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

May 5th, 2009
2:40 pm

Melo … Ouch.

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
2:43 pm

Welcome “The Truth” :lol:

Best wishes to you and your wife. :)

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 5th, 2009
2:46 pm

Okay Truth, did you just say NO LIQUOR?!?!? WOW! Poor thing! That cancels my trip to visit you…. :0)

LIONESS- Very Sleepy

May 5th, 2009
2:50 pm

The Truth- Cute..

Can’t wait to watch the REal Housewives tonight!