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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

It’s Not A Guy Thing

I know men are often blamed for being the ones that hate confrontation, but it’s not a guy thing. Plenty of women detest having long drawn out discussions about “where is this going” or “what are you thinking/feeling”. I know this because I lean toward the, so called guy side in these situations. In a relationship, I don’t like the uncomfortable confrontations that will surely come with a new relationship.

I’m the type that just likes to say what’s bothering me and move on – quickly. I don’t want to dwell on it or dissect it. I’m also the type that cuts her losses really quick when I notice things going south with a new guy. There was a guy who insisted on calling me repeatedly after we decided we weren’t going to work. He would engage me in these heated discussions and it was draining. Why can’t I ever date the men who avoid confrontations like I do?

Guys, have you ever dated a woman who was like you in the sense that she hated confrontations? Do you think that was a good thing or a bad one? How did that play out when you really needed to get something off your chest?

Ladies, do you think men avoid confrontation because the way women react when things get intense? Have you found a way to handle the confrontations with a little bit of finesse that won’t make the man cringe or run for the hills?

What do you do when you lose interest in someone new and there is not really a “break up” needed, but the person confronts you about where they stand?

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! Where will you be celebrating?

296 comments Add your comment

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
11:54 am

Who is Bill and why does he sound like he has stalker tendancies?

Leggs

May 5th, 2009
11:56 am

Good day everyone!

Why let any issue linger? Deal with it then and now! You now have room to ride out the new wave that’s building. You’re absolutely correct Raqi,it’s like a cancer and if left alone it will soon start ooozzing puss (cuss words, nasty glares, disrespct).

@ImAPeach, I agree w/your 8:55.

@$Bill, it’s cool that you’re defending your ex girl and even understanding where she’s coming from. Don’t you feel at all slighted that she text you rather than calling you. Must admit, that was tacky, at best!

Foots

May 5th, 2009
11:56 am

Bill Hit me up at footswalker77@yahoo.com.

Dan I didn’t tell him to wait for her, I gave him insight on how the demand that he made led her to cancel the interaction. She didn’t kick him to the curb because she didn’t like him, she did it because she can’t do all she needs to do AND give him more than she can right now. She was fine with the friendship and the rate at which they were developing, so this is how to get the friendship back.

He can screw whoever he wants during their friendship, if that’s what your concern is, but apparently, he values what she brings to his life and wants to salvage it if possible.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
11:57 am

Foots: How can I contact you?
Believe this Foots,i laughed out loud when i saw that typo,pple in my office were wondering whats up :lol:
Plz oblige and give the man an outlet.
Smetimes a grown man just needs a warm woman’s shlder to lean on :lol:

Professor

May 5th, 2009
12:02 pm

Foots I agree with your 11:41 post. When you are tired and drained (school is an investment) and you want an ROI and the kids are not going anywhere. You have to relieve the stressors you can control. The kids are staying, and you do not want to drop out of school so you dropout of the relationship. I have been there done that and will probably have to do it again. However, I have been in a relationship where the support was unlimited and actually eliminated the stress so I guess it just depends.

If I were a betting person I would say she sent that email one night or early morning when she was drained and unable to do it any longer.

LIONESS- Loving Life!

May 5th, 2009
12:03 pm

I can’t stand when people tell people to leave people when they are not the ones in that person’s shoes!

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
12:03 pm

Foots..you are a good one..because what I detected from old Bill is more of the selfish/needy/pay attention to me. And IMO that screams stalker. This man(if he is a man) reads like a wounded bear. Bears bite. And he honed in on you because while your words were wise they were an excuse he found pleasant to the eyes. “Yeahh that’s it..that’s why lets go with that.”

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
12:05 pm

@Melo Dude is going to be emailing her at 2:00am.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 5th, 2009
12:06 pm

Morning Folks (oh, I guess it’s afternoon now, but it was morning when I first pulled up the blog)!

Happy Cinco de Mayo I will be celebrating after work – wish I could be there at 4:00 like AmRed though.

Raqi’s 9:54 summed it up for me. Quite a few good quotes by other female bloggers (SexyCool’s comment about adult conversations, Kym’s comment about it keeping you regular :lol: ) Not much else I can add except:

GO ROCKETS!!!

Dan

May 5th, 2009
12:08 pm

@Foots

When a man or woman wants more than the other party is willing to give that creates prollems. Those feelings don’t go away because you have a “title” that says friends. One party is still wanting more – and that creates and unequitable relationship. It’s not balance.

My concern is never for anyone’s sex life. What I’m saying is that his desire to have her HOW he wants her will overwhelm his desire to “just” have her in his life.

If he can’t be just a friend he doesn’t need contact. He’s lying to her and to himself.

Now if Bill is able to shut down the emotions he has for the young lady (which by his posts, he can’t) fine. But I doubt it.

Give yourself some time to get past it, bruh. If you really wanna be her friend – know that it’s platonic and she’ll likely never love you like you want her to right now. Develop a real friendship on real terms

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 5th, 2009
12:08 pm

That should have read GO ROCKETS!!!

Ladies, do you think men avoid confrontation because the way women react when things get intense? Have you found a way to handle the confrontations with a little bit of finesse that won’t make the man cringe or run for the hills?

Yup and yup. Usually when I initiate a conversation that may be translated by a PwP as a confrontration, I start with a smile on my face and my voice a little higher and softer than usual.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 5th, 2009
12:09 pm

OK, my tags aren’t working today. You’d think I already had some margaritas.

Foots

May 5th, 2009
12:10 pm

MELO Why you so CRAZY!!! LOL!!

Dan You’ve (or any other dude on here) probably had his same situation in your own life, but the shoe was on the other foot. You probably didn’t even send an email, you probably just vanished. It went something like this: You hanging out with a chick you like, y’all vibe, y’all have a good time, no real committment, no pressure, it’s just cool. You have a couple of irons in the fire business wise, so you’re not really trying to develop something deep. Then she wants to have “THE TALK” about where this is going. You thinking that everything is going along just fine, but dayum, why she had to say something and mess it up. You can’t give her an answer because though you like her, you don’t know yourself if you have the time to devote to a full relationship and you may not even want to. So to avoid the inevitable conversation and possibly her tears, you disappear. You liked the chick, but you couldn’t handle a full-blown deal with all the other ish you got going on right now, and her bringing it up made you have to make a decision RIGHT THEN.

Have you ever been in this position? I have, and I described mine a little earlier today. I did have the convo over the phone though.

LIONESS- Loving Life!

May 5th, 2009
12:11 pm

Kym- LMMFAO!!!

SexyCool

May 5th, 2009
12:13 pm

Leave Bill be. I think it’s great that he has someone who he is willing to be patient for. Had he come on here any other way, he would have been villified for being uncaring and failing to understand.

If he is cool chilling in the Friend Zone while she makes herself better, then so be it.

In fact, kudos to her for not trying to DO IT ALL. Contrary to what feminists have been cramming down our throats for the last 30 years, we are not superwomen. Besides, I ain’t mad at a sista who is working to better herself and put her kids first.

Bill, she sounds like a solid chick.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
12:13 pm

Prof, if I were a betting man I’d say some cat is pulling her wig with intensity and the feelings have shot through her crotch. Then again my uncle is cro-magnon man so what do I know.

Randy, the fun is looking back at some of the dumb stuff we did and enjoy it for what it was. When I was 16 a chick told me she was pregnant, which wouldn’t have been a problem but I came on myself before I even got it in. Took me a week and a few talks with friends to figure out that wasnt possible.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
12:14 pm

Kym,in the past i have been rejected by chics that i really digged.However, I cldnt see myself typing that 8.44 am with a str8 face,like our buddy $Bill did.
A man must learn to take it on the shin/stomack,shut up and suck it up! :lol: No crying out loud and no whimp behavior!! :lol:

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
12:16 pm

Truth are you out there? I need your sage advice on something.

Foots

May 5th, 2009
12:17 pm

Dan And to me, that IS a friendship based on real terms. Hellz, my best friend now, we’ve been friends since 2001…we worked together and developed what I thought was a real friendship. He eventually let it be known that he wanted more and I didn’t. It put a strain on things and he was wise to pull back for a while.

When we started conversing again, it was about innocuous topics, he never brought “us” up. And eventually, the friendship became even more than it was before.

He may only be just her friend, like in my situation, or he may end up being more. And I say that because they were vibing on that level in the first place.

I agree with you, some time needs to be taken to heal the raw emotion, but the underlying caring will never stop.

Kym You might be right! LOL!

lurker

May 5th, 2009
12:19 pm

Okay….haven’t read….slammed with work…just popping….will go back and read later….I guess I don’t understand why men think women should not be reactionary (is that a word). First of all, a woman comes with emotions, part of her make-up/dna…lol Next, I don’t understand the concept of “controlling”….no I don’t mean I should become a screaming banshee at the sight of a disagreement but, if I’m not feeling right about something or my reaction to something is “deemed”, I’m not understanding that invisible gauge of only being allow 3 tears as oppose to crying a river or speaking above a whisper as opposed to a tone over the norm. Like I said, I’m not talking being out of control per se but wouldn’t the situation in itself dictate my reactions? Is there such a thing as emotional etiquette? Or…am I just rambling and overthinking?

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
12:19 pm

Sexy I have no problem with ole stalker-I mean Bill. Heck if I need advice on men I really try to ask a man. Why cause men know men. If men want advice on women hell they should really ask a woman. Why cause women know women. It’s cool that Foots is going to help him out..but if she winds up missing one foot..we will know who got it. LMAO

Foots

May 5th, 2009
12:20 pm

Truth When I was 16 a chick told me she was pregnant, which wouldn’t have been a problem but I came on myself before I even got it in.

Your honesty is hilarious!!

LIONESS- Loving Life!

May 5th, 2009
12:20 pm

Leggs- I agree! That is one of the ULTIMATE coward moves! Have the decency to let me know face to fact OR on the phone (at least)!

Dan

May 5th, 2009
12:21 pm

@Foots

You’re right, I’ve been on both sides of that fence.

And I had the classic move: Non confrontational, I don’t need to see the hurt on your face, “it’s me, not you”, I wish you happiness in life, and I hope that we could be friends.

And quite often, the ladies stuck around hoping I’d chage my mind until she either figured out it wasn’t going to happen or got tired of waiting.

Been on the other side too. Puppy eyed waiting on her to see “it” in me, until I came to the same realization.

And that’s why I’m trying to (in my way) help Bill. Because there’s typically, statistically no way this works out in his favor. Better to realize that now, IMO.

@Sexy

That friend zone ain’t nothing nice – especially when you want more.

One Foot (that's for Kym!!)

May 5th, 2009
12:21 pm

Girl, you crazy too!

SexyCool

May 5th, 2009
12:21 pm

Kym – girl, you’re a nut. So, it’s safe to say that if FOOTS starts signing on as FOOT, we know that there was a problem somewhere. LMAO!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 5th, 2009
12:23 pm

I used to be the confrontational type. Not that I have mellowed. I will still let you know if you p*ss me off or you are getting on my nerves. But now I pick my battles. If I have been with you for a while and feel like we are worth saving, then I will approach you and let you know how I feel about things. If I am so not into you….over you, etc…then I just do as a man and leave it be. But the difference is men think that will make the situation work itself out and you get over what is upsetting you and things go back to normal. But if I wash my hands of something…that means I am done. I do not want it to be business as usual. I want you to go away. My tolerance for BS and unwanted drama is 0. What I used to tolerate yesterday is no longer tolerable today. If I meet a guy and we make plans and he stands me up, cancels or shows lack of respect for my time…he is deleted and forgotten. No do-overs. You just should me what type of guy you are from the start. Thank you for not letting me waste too much time on you. Doesn’t make you a bad person…just a bad choice for me. Now you are free to go find a woman that allows this type of behavior from you. Like KYM…I shoot straight from the hip…give it to you straight with no chaser.

SexyCool

May 5th, 2009
12:25 pm

Dan – I agree.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
12:27 pm

If he is cool chilling in the Friend Zone while she makes herself better, then so be it

I told u all,$Bill situation is more fun!!

SexyCool,u and Foots are really nice chics.I Like u both,sensitive and treating ur menfolk really nice,like u doing to $Bill,thats cool.But as men,we are expected to know better.
That chic said to him in the nicesst possible way that she had to go her own way.And she was gangsta with it by not talking it face to face but by email.A man must learn to read that the same way we ask u ladies to read guys who are not good.
Dont wait for an outside to tell u what u already know.No honest guy worth his salt will want to be in the friend zone unless hes set on one goal…PUUUUUdsy!! Thats what Dan was alluding to earlier on.And there is no guarantee Mr dollar-dollar $Bill will get it!!Judging by his emotional balance/temperament,we might hear about him on channel 2 in the not too distant future.
But $Bill,who am i to tell this?
Hw old are u buddy??

Foots

May 5th, 2009
12:29 pm

Dan I get what you’re saying. I’ve been on both sides also, and the thing is, I never waited. I always lived my life in the meanwhile. Nor did my best friend, he didn’t wait, not at all (he ended up with two kids the same age from two different women). But we ended up the best of friends, which worked out in both of our favors. Sometimes, a great friendship may be worth more than an good relationship. At least the friendship has the possibility of lasting forever, while the vast majority of relationships end.

abc

May 5th, 2009
12:30 pm

I would dispute that men “hate confrontation”.

She says blue is best, he says he likes red. She undertakes to change his mind, but he doesn’t change his mind. He gets tired of talking about it. She gets mad. He goes out for a beer with the boys.

Is that confrontation avoidance?

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
12:30 pm

Ared my wittle love lump, that reminds me of Poppa saying “he knows the crazy” he has to deal with. I understand clearly what he means now.

Truth – You say all the right things, my sprinkled donut. :D

Tazzee – I won’t be there at 4, the blog is still open. :lol: But some of my friends are off that early and will make sure our table is secured. Are you going some place with “Grande” in the title? Didn’t want to give it all away. :lol:

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
12:30 pm

Dan I agree..been there done that one and off with one fellow for close to 15 years. In the end I realized I loved me more than I could ever love him..and it is hard as hell to walk away. But err..it can only lead to no where fast.

lurker

May 5th, 2009
12:32 pm

DanA woman that is confident in herself don’t ask that question, period.

confidence has nothing to do with wanting to know or making certain we’re on the same page. I could be as confident as ever and not know we’re not on the same accord

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 5th, 2009
12:32 pm

When I was 16 a chick told me she was pregnant, which wouldn’t have been a problem but I came on myself before I even got it in. Took me a week and a few talks with friends to figure out that wasnt possible.

Truth LMMAO :) I needed that…thank you……

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
12:36 pm

Whoops, I’m messing up tags too. :lol:

Foots

May 5th, 2009
12:39 pm

Truth Regarding your pregnancy story, I starting dating an 18-year old guy when I was 21. He was afraid to be intimate again (he had only been with one girl) because that girl told him she was pregnant a few months before. There was no proof and he was absolutely positive that he used TWO condoms and they never came off. It took me nearly SIX MONTHS to convince this boy that if that girl was indeed pregnant, she would have had the baby by then.

Young dudes can be quite paranoid! LOL!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 5th, 2009
12:40 pm

AmRed – same here, friends securing the spot early and I’ll be having at least one Julio’s Gold this evening ;-) I like your commitment to the blog though :lol:

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 5th, 2009
12:45 pm

Staceye your 12:23 was soo on point. If it’s worth saving then cool Let’s sraighten it out(Lattimore for you old heads who know the song) but if we’re not “like that” then kick rocks. I feel like when we’re done…we done and that’s it. Maybe some people can be friends with an ex but I can’t cause I’m thinking you’re my ex for a reason so why would I wanna be your friend. I’ve had exes in the past try to get back with me but I don’t back track…..hell I feel verklempt even thinking about it.

MELO

May 5th, 2009
12:45 pm

Young dudes can be quite paranoid! LOL

I was caught up too in that kind of scenario during my final undergrad yr at college!
Baby girl wanted to stick me coz i was showing withdrawal symptoms on the relationship!

Oh shhyyt,Is this confession Day yet???!!! :lol: Ur fault Truth!

Mo (aka Moeisha- looking for a new haircut)

May 5th, 2009
12:46 pm

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Cant wait to get a margarita or two this evening.

I see the Blog is jumping today. I dont like confrontation either and I am just lurking for the most part…..see what Blogsville has to say!

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
12:47 pm

I like your commitment to the blog though

Why thank ya. :lol: I want to duck out early, but don’t think I can. Drinking trumps blogging. :lol:

Sassy Me....I make it do what it do,baby :-)

May 5th, 2009
12:52 pm

HOSE CUERVO, I NEED YOUUUUUUUU!!! I’M TRYNA WAIT BUT IT’S SOOO HARD….MUST STAY FOCUSED……..

Professor

May 5th, 2009
1:03 pm

Truth…now that was funny. I can picture a 16 year old going through that.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while blogging

May 5th, 2009
1:11 pm

Kym, you rang? I’m here for you today and always. but I do take weekends off and monday thru fri arent good between 3am and 2am. Other than that I’m here.

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
1:13 pm

Truth this is an offline question. Me thinks me has opened up a huge can of worms..and not sure how to close it back up.

Wise Diva

May 5th, 2009
1:15 pm

I hope she returns soon. All I know is that I will be covering until further notice, but as soon as I know a return date for her, I will share it with you guys. If she doesn’t return, I will let you know that too when I find out.

Kym--is like Whoa!

May 5th, 2009
1:19 pm

Wisey its cool we like you. Now if they are trying to shut this show down..they need to send out a memo so we can establish a new stomping ground.

AmazonRed™

May 5th, 2009
1:19 pm

Thanks WiseDiva. :) I hope Blanca does come back.

Leggs

May 5th, 2009
1:20 pm

FYI…Chrisette Michele’s CD drops today. It’s on sale at Best Buy and Target. Originally $13.99, marked down to $9.98.