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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Girlfriend Experience

There was a film entitled “The Girlfriend Experience” that debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival last week that is creating quite a buzz. The premise of the film is basically about a “working girl” who charges $2,000 an hour to act as a client’s girlfriend for the night, providing more intimacy than just physical intimacy.

This week Oprah interviewed a young lady who worked at a brothel in Nevada. She also said that many clients are return customers whom she has an ongoing connection to. They  basically pay for “the girlfriend experience” and seek her out to provide the experience of having a relationship. What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy? Is it just another commodity or are these people fooling themselves?

I am not interested in becoming a working girl, don’t worry! I just started thinking about how some single men date women to get the girlfriend experience without the expectations, commitment, or exclusivity. Now I know there are men that are interested in forming good relationships. It can be difficult figuring out who these men are, but usually time reveals all.

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

Guys, do you meet and date women and desire to get “the girlfriend experience” without an actual relationship? Is this usually a sign of committment phobia? Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

497 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:40 pm

Kym, Foots and Red are dropping some real ish! Keep it going ladies!

Coogs – I’m losing steam. I’m reading this back and forth and all I can really think right now is “what cowards our men have become.”

I tell my Dad (a real man) this stuff and he just shakes his head. He wants better for me.

DuShawn

May 1st, 2009
2:40 pm

Like Big Momma used to say “DuShawn, somtimes what you don’t say, says it all.” If a female has to ask a man, where is our relationship going? She already knows the answer.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
2:40 pm

Folks get duped when they expect the sex to lead to something more, without clearly stating the conditional nature of the sex. If you are tacitly expecting me to be your “man” just because “we’ve had sex four times”, and I don’t get the memo, that’s on you.

That’s why I don’t shop at Dummies R Us If I never get laid again, I don’t buy that crap. Women can’t “expect” sex to lead anywhere….men then shouldn’t “expect sex.” Mighty big balls of you though to expect sex…you don’t expect sex right? I thought you was one of the dudes on here that states you like to be in thingys (can’t say relationship), where a woman is inhibited and cool with letting nature takes it course. You know, just letting it happen and then see where it goes…You “expect” that right….okay, I’m so done with these dudes.

ARedDan – Ahh I see. So the “justbe” situation is for the girls who are dumb enough to accept it as that.

Yeah, as long as I know I ain’t the only looney thinking (right). I thought so.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
2:41 pm

Maybe there should be pre-relationship agreements. Like that You-Tube video. Get your lawyers and hash it out before you get naked, or go out. That why no one has to say..”I told you from the jump we were just(insert whateva here).

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:41 pm

Heck if you just want the real of it, I had sex with my husband before we actually had our first official date. However I did not make it a regular occurence. It was one time only. We weren’t just out sexing each other up. No full girlfriend experience until I became the girlfriend.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:42 pm

LIONESS I’m so serious!!! You better ask Moca. If any thing around me is Caribbean familiar i do an “new dance” to get to the meal.

Ya’ll can cook!

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:43 pm

@Red

No, we still “jusus” if (as you stated) SHE wants the title SHE gets it.

So far as I’m concerned the title is as arbitrary as a “#1 Boss” mug.

For some men, a it doesn’t take a title to define behavior, there’s a long lost seldom used word called honor that I choose to use to dictate my actions.

But if SHE needs the title to feel better about us, fine. But at that point, I’ve stated my reason for not handing it out, and if it’s still necessary that’s the sign that 1) she don’t trust me; and 2) she may have some insecurities issues.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
2:44 pm

Like Big Momma used to say “DuShawn, somtimes what you don’t say, says it all.” If a female has to ask a man, where is our relationship going? She already knows the answer. Du I know that’s right since men are territoral they will let you know where you lay I mean stand in their life. I’ve had too many countless pseudo relationships end when I asked where do I stand and the answer was not what I was expecting. life is a contiuning lesson.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
2:45 pm

I’m not defining things to the point of do you like me “yes or no”…yes being the right answer to getting your needs met. Like I said, that’s too easy. I’m simply stating you ain’t really gotta say it but it better be more than apparent. But why not say it (the title) if that’s where you are as a couple? I figure you can’t or won’t because that’s not how you’re rolling.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:45 pm

“Like Big Momma used to say “DuShawn, somtimes what you don’t say, says it all.” If a female has to ask a man, where is our relationship going? She already knows the answer.”

No darn where!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:45 pm

So far as I’m concerned the title is as arbitrary as a “#1 Boss” mug. </I.

How sad.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
2:47 pm

My 2:40 should have said “uninhibited”

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:48 pm

and if it’s still necessary that’s the sign that 1) she don’t trust me; and 2) she may have some insecurities issues.

Good grief.

Jedi mind tricks at 11.

I should have just stopped at “run ladies.” Cuz wow. :???:

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
2:49 pm

**Okay you are my gf but I’m treat you like ish but that’s okay because you have the title of GIRLFRIEND**

i’m giving you the gas face on this one!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:50 pm

I’ve had too many countless pseudo relationships end when I asked where do I stand and the answer was not what I was expecting. life is a contiuning lesson.

Amen to that Grace.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
2:50 pm

Remember when it was so simple in grade school you’d write on a piece of paper do you like me check yes or no? LOL

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:50 pm

@Lurker

I can call a relationship a relationship. I’m not that hung up.

And yes, I do appreciate an uninhibited woman that kicks with me sexually. But here’s where you jumped waaay off track.

I don’t expect sex, I’m not looking for it, heck I’m the dude that likes for women to approach.

The thing that all that ^^^ has in common is that I don’t expect anything, I want a woman to do what she is comfortable doing. If in the course of our relationship SHE feels more comfortable with a “title” than without one, fine. If SHE doesn’t require it, neither do I.

I’m not the dude chasing a female, I simply don’t have the time. But if we hanging out, in an exclusively committed relationship, engaging in sexual congress, or not – me spending time with her is just that.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:51 pm

Lol @ “Cuz wow”.

You have to shake your head, or tilt your head when you say that.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:53 pm

Okay you are my gf but I’m treat you like ish but that’s okay because you have the title of GIRLFRIEND

I missed whoever said that Angie. So thanks.

And yes, what a RIDICULOUS line of thinking. Who said such a thing?

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:54 pm

You have to shake your head, or tilt your head when you say that.

Ceemeeli – Trust me I am. What has happened to our “men?”

Grace

May 1st, 2009
2:56 pm

Dan But if we hanging out, in an exclusively committed relationship, engaging in sexual congress, or not – me spending time with her is just that. – sounds kinda lazy to me. You’re reaping the rewards but don’t want to justify/solidify the cause.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:57 pm

Knew that was coming…

So, ms Red, you don’t engage in “relations” with a man that is not committed to you. You don’t feel as if he should expect or even desire that until the relationship has been “defined”. And I applaud you for those standards.

But there are those that do not have those conditions regarding “relations”, there are those that can “jusbe” and it’s all good. And I applaud them for their standards.

When I sign up to spend time with a woman, I like to get all that out in the open so I know what I’m dealing with. I am perfectly content in “whatsoever state [that I find myself] in”, I know the conditions, and it’s on me to agree to them or not.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:58 pm

It’s Friday and when i went to Orient Express for lunch i realized if it’s gonna rain. I’m still gonna laugh and enjoy tonight.

So all the “Jedi” blog discuss is not acquiescence to my mood.

:smile:

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:58 pm

Okay so, before I go,

Would one of you ladies care to enlighten this “21st century man” as to how this thing is supposed to work?

For Real

May 1st, 2009
2:59 pm

Ared: “Why does it have to give you something?” – If a title doesn’t have to give you something why ask for it? – “But it gives clarity for one.” – Clarity to whom? If you dude said you are exclusive, who needs the clarity? – “An exclusive relationship with the potential to lead to marriage.” – That’s not the definition of commitment and don’t tell me that’s your definition because that’s how ebonics got started. Commitment: a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future ; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled – “I fear for you. Close your windows” – Dayumm two in a row one more you will earn yourself an earmuffintectomy. – “Stop being dramatic.” – That was funny too but earmuffintectomy funny. – “Yes, treating someone well is imporatant, but also important is for both parties to be getting what they want out of the relationship.” – So if your are getting the “potential of marriage” you cool? Also, how does the 80/20 rule work for if you believe in it (I don’t)? – “No one is talking about dating ONLY to get married.” – Then why do you date? I date to meet people that I can grow and learn from but then I have been extremely blessed in the dating world. Nooooo Ared I’m not talking about that this time. You so nasty…

Foots: “However, we don’t live in a world with just the two of us. If we did, there would be no need for titles.” – Sooooo, you saying the titles are for the rest of world right? If so, why haven’t you invited me over to watch a love sections between the two of you? You know I still make flyers. We can charge an admission and sell DVDs. I’m sorry I was thinking of $$$$ and got side tracked…. But again, WHY do you feel the need to tell EVERYONE that’s he is your boyfriend. WHY do I have to know this precious piece of information? What’s in it for me? – “You don’t do relationships, you’re both single friends, and you call her to kick it when the mood strikes. Don’t call it what it’s not.” – Not true, I said I don’t want to be married nor do I want a girlfriend. Anytime you are involved with another person a relationship is established. I make commitments (hey Ared) to her that I keep and she makes commitments to me that she keeps. BAM!! Relationship!! – “So should we bypass your posts about what we should do in ours?” – HAHA good one…. But my point is recognize where an opinion is coming from when it’s given. Unhappy people don’t give happy advice. I’m happy so here’s a monkey foot for you. – “And yes, she’s backing away” – Well like I said in my post you termed my bio, that’s the way my relationship go. When they do not want what I’m offering we part as friends. Life is no where near as complicated as rocket science. But we cool like that we talk about a variety topics because I trust her and she trust me. Kinda like you trust me not to tell everyone about us playing Leap the Monkey Foot and those 37,125 you fell on the foot.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:00 pm

So, ms Red, you don’t engage in “relations” with a man that is not committed to you. You don’t feel as if he should expect or even desire that until the relationship has been “defined”.

On what page did I say this?

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:01 pm

When I sign up to spend time with a woman-Dan there’s a sign up sheet!?! j/k

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:01 pm

- sounds kinda lazy to me. You’re reaping the rewards but don’t want to justify/solidify the cause.

Grace – You’ve just hit the nail on the head of 21st century dating.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
3:02 pm

Dan the only true answer? Whatever works best for you and yours.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:02 pm

For Real – I realized that your response to me probably has some substance, but I’m not going to wade thru all that mish mushed paragraph to get to it.

At the end of the day, it’s working for you, it works for me. :D

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
3:03 pm

What in the heck is up with this Monkey foot?

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:05 pm

that’s the way my relationship go – Ah Ha! so you do have a lable/title

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
3:05 pm

**What has happened to our “men?”** nothing. i like how they do them. men only do what they can get away with. it’s your fault if you come out of it with the short end of the stick.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:05 pm

that was for For Real

lurker

May 1st, 2009
3:05 pm

Dan Dan Dan….love, honey, sweetums…Okay, let’s say I’m a chick that’s good rolling with sexing but not comfortable making the first the first time. Soooo, at this point it’s been 6 – 9 months and looks like we’re dating indefinitely (let’s say 6 – 9 months)? Since you don’t expect anything, we’re just gonna hang out, even though we’re “feeling” each other, the timing is on point, the vibe between us is just flowing….you ain’t gonna act on it to a least see if it’s right in taking to the next level? ‘Member you ain’t expecting nothing, so it’s never come up….although we’re seriously feeling it. Oh and we ain’t officially been labeled, we’ve just been doing everything together like an exclusive couple for the last 6 – 9 months. You’re good just being Dan the man?

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:06 pm

I’m wondering too Raqi I do know about monkey bread though :)

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:06 pm

I mean, I really can’t get over this ish. EVERY OTHER relationship in her life is defined yet because she wants her relationship to be she’s insecure or has trust issues.

Just rich.

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
3:07 pm

@Beautiful, my post went somewhere. Everyone here speaks their mind. Not all agree with my line of thinking or my beliefs. However, just about EVERYONE here has approached me with civility. If you choose not to do that, then it’s on you. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, doubt you can do that. I don’t want you to ever hold back if you have something you want to say to me…just remember once you attack I’ll be coming back with both barrels c o c k e y e d!

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
3:07 pm

Cee- I LOVE to cook!!

I go to publix and yall damn near on pg 5.. Goodness!

Cougar- I am probably gonna have some Grey Goose Pear with a splash of cranberry..

I never understood how/why females send dudes pics of their na na or bootay.. Puzzling!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:08 pm

i like how they do them. men only do what they can get away with. it’s your fault if you come out of it with the short end of the stick

Angie – I hope one day you raise your standards. You are right that men can only do what you allow them too. But there is a different brand of men from yesteryear, and I for one would like the bar to be raised just a little bit.

Because the ones demanding excellence will often lose out to the ones who will accept just anything.

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
3:10 pm

:lol: oh my…I meant c o c k e d!

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
3:10 pm

@LEGGS
just drop it! this back & forth is tiresome.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:10 pm

Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, doubt you can do that.

Okay? But what a threat. :lol:

i'm swiss

May 1st, 2009
3:10 pm

Howdy, blog fam… I’m waaaaay late & no time to catch up — but I do have time for a couple of smart-a$$ responses :lol:

Raqi “Why not just get a girlfriend?” — Maybe the “girlfriend experience” is cheaper than an actual girlfriend? ;-) :lol:

Cee — Thanks for the metaphor du jour, and if you need a Valet for your “boyfriend experience” — well, I am in the job market:lol:

Speaking of which, I’m out — got another interview in a bit. Starting to get some traction in the ol’ job hunt, so things are looking up. Everyone have a great weekend…

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
3:11 pm

LOL Grace. He keeps giving out that monkey foot. I was wondering if he got ‘em on sale at Targets and what purpose do they serve.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:12 pm

Men like Dan are happy and content as long as he’s getting what he wants, how do they say it? “buy the cow when they’re getting the milk for free” and lawd forbid the woman asks where/what direction are they going. Being unaccountable for his actions because as soon as the woman questions his moves he’s throw it in her face saying “we’re not in a relationship” we’re just being

Dan

May 1st, 2009
3:13 pm

@Lurker

Yepper.

Until such time that a question is asked or situation presents itself that either of us feel the need to stamp a label on it- I’m just Dan, we just chillin, and its all good.

Y’all have a good one

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
3:13 pm

**I hope one day you raise your standards** this doesn’t fit in your post so i tossed it out for you.

i’m still single since late 2004, so that tells me that my standards are good.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
3:15 pm

i’m still single since late 2004, so that tells me that my standards are good.

That doesn’t mean jack ish. It’s all about what treatment you’ll accept, single or not.

You’re strange.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
3:16 pm

I don’t know Raqi but when I think of a monkey I think of them running up trees – monkey feet are good for hanging/crabbing on to things :D