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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Girlfriend Experience

There was a film entitled “The Girlfriend Experience” that debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival last week that is creating quite a buzz. The premise of the film is basically about a “working girl” who charges $2,000 an hour to act as a client’s girlfriend for the night, providing more intimacy than just physical intimacy.

This week Oprah interviewed a young lady who worked at a brothel in Nevada. She also said that many clients are return customers whom she has an ongoing connection to. They  basically pay for “the girlfriend experience” and seek her out to provide the experience of having a relationship. What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy? Is it just another commodity or are these people fooling themselves?

I am not interested in becoming a working girl, don’t worry! I just started thinking about how some single men date women to get the girlfriend experience without the expectations, commitment, or exclusivity. Now I know there are men that are interested in forming good relationships. It can be difficult figuring out who these men are, but usually time reveals all.

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

Guys, do you meet and date women and desire to get “the girlfriend experience” without an actual relationship? Is this usually a sign of committment phobia? Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

497 comments Add your comment

DuShawn

May 1st, 2009
2:03 pm

“….What one gets from a ho is ‘the ho experience’” @ABC, I agree with your 12:45. However, the “ho experience” and the “girlfriend experience” are actually quite similar. Like at a strip club for example, right before she says ” ….that will be 60 bucks” you have a beautiful woman giving you her undivided attention, treating you like you’re the most handsome, finest, richest, king on earth. That’s what ho’s with experience do for a trick. However, the “ho experience” doesn’t always come from prostitutes. It’s similar to the treatment one receives when they visit their girlfriend’s home, when the relationship is new and love is in its infancy stage. Unfortunately, that euphoria tends to dissipate with time, bills, kids, job pressures and the weight of what is actually required to maintain a committed relationship. Consequently, a niche for real ho’s and concubines is created.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:04 pm

Look lets be real if you see me and my son together you are not going to assume he is my date.

Kym – My point is that no matter what the motives, usually the title still remains. If you make dating complicated or reluctant to give a title, doesn’t mean that it isnt there just because you don’t define it.

I’m just saying, in an exclusive relationship you can call him your man or not, but still doesn’t change the facts. Same with most other titles. Your son will be your son whether you call it that or not.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:04 pm

If I am girlfriend behind closed doors I am girlfriend in public. If I am wifey in private, then make me your wife.

Foots

May 1st, 2009
2:05 pm

For Real And yes, she’s backing away. If not right now, she will be soon, because she wants things to move forward. Now that she truly sees that you meant what you said about not wanting a girlfriend or a relationship, she’s re-evaluating where she is now with you. She put it out there for you like that instead of asking you outright what the two of you are. She did it so you’d make a move. You didn’t. So she’s going to be backing away.

If she was cool with what is going on between the two of you, she would have NEVER brought it up in the first place.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:05 pm

Oh girl, you know you break it down on the regular! How’s that? We =====>here<=====.

That works. Hey, sometimes I’m only have azz blogging. But today I think I’m actually making sense. :lol:

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:05 pm

*half azz blogging.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
2:06 pm

You know I try to avoid even reading your damn post but its Friday I’m tired and you are a easy azz target. Beautiful you are one nosy, keep stuff going cow. I mean just because you share your whole life story on this blog doesnt mean someone else has too. Its a blog not a damn confessional. This is not Blog Confessions. If he doesn’t share so the sam hill what. There are days folks wish you would keep quiet. Hell fire.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:06 pm

@ SexyCool and Tazzee.

I have an Atlanta Braves t-shirt but, not a Hawks shirt. Only because it’s so darn cold during the regular season games that i’ve never bought one. I also have a Thrashers’s shirt, but the Thrasher’s shirt doesn’t fit like that Braves shirt. I need Home Depot to give me a freee shirts. I cain’t believe i’ve never even thought of buying a Hawks shirt for me.

Lil Cee has one, we are about to be the same size. Maybe i could wear something from his closet. I’ve worn his 12-14 boys team t-shirts to his baseball games. And only the coach recognized that i was wearing my son’s t-shirt. We laughed b/c he commented to me “You’re wearing our throw-back” jerseys Ms. Cee”…Lol…i’m so vintage.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:07 pm

I want some Apple Jolly Ranchers.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:09 pm

@Rell

We good folks

@Foots

Trust me when I say, when I care about a woman she knows it. In the marrow of her bones. It does not require anyone else’s approval/conditions/permission.

We keep saying here that the world can’t tell you who you are (as a person), how can, suddenly, the world define your relationship?

Foots

May 1st, 2009
2:09 pm

Dan So, if me and you were out somewhere and I introduce you to my friends saying “This is my boyfriend, Dan”, would it bother you?

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
2:10 pm

Sorry you feel that way Beautiful cuz I’m nothing like ARed. I preface certain statements like that to you because you’re sensitive and I didn’t want you to read me wrong. No sweat sweetie, won’t happen again!!

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:11 pm

Dan it’s that experience that WiseDiva pointed out. The whole intimate experience. Physical and none physical. The time spent, the non-sexual favors. All of it. If you are doing all of it then don’t allow yourself to be treated as less.

I was watching Judge Mathis one night and this stupid chick was there talking about she and the guy was dating, but he said they were not. So Judge asked her questions based on what folks normally do when in a relationship and she was able to answer. Asked him the same questions and Judge caught him in a lie. She was his girlfriend and he ended up admitting it.

abc

May 1st, 2009
2:11 pm

Interesting point, DuShawn.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:12 pm

something tells me he has been hurt bad. but i could be wrong.

And :lol: at this, I missed it the first time… is this from you being so observant???

Good grief Angie…

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
2:13 pm

**Sex (as we all know) does not define a relationship. We can go back and forth about it, but in the end, the sex is just sex**

not to me it isn’t. if i have sex with you, i’ve given apart of me to you i can’t get back.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:14 pm

Sorry you feel that way Beautiful cuz I’m nothing like ARed.

She’s bonkers. Dismiss it.

For Real

May 1st, 2009
2:14 pm

Okay now we comparing apples and oranges with the job titles vs the romance titles.

Job Titles, are earned and you receive pay you for it.

Romance Titles, are given and the man pays for it.

See the difference??? – For the record WIFE is a title.

“they don’t want the added responsibility and accountability that the title brings”. – In the words of Ared DUH!!! That what he/I said in the very beginning. Its gets complicated when chick doesn’t hear “DON’T”.

Oh and that saying “having your cake and eating it too” is the stupidiest ish I have eva heard of. WTF else do you do with cake? I mean Dayum!!

So lurker that title is that important to you huh? Okay you are my gf but I’m treat you like ish but that’s okay because you have the title of GIRLFRIEND.

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
2:15 pm

Cee- I have been eating apple now or laters the huge ones..

I am about to make some oxtails :)

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
2:15 pm

LMAO @ Bonkers! I used to LOVE those candies :)

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:16 pm

Okay who saw Private Practice last night?

I only saw a small portion of Grey’s and WiseDiva as you would know I have a blog topic. LOL “Rules of Engagement”. I saw the part where Meredith was outside the hospital talking to PatDemp and she said that he had to agree with her and take her position. In other words you are my man you have to agree with me. Imma find an article for you that. LOL

What are the Rules of Engagement within a ‘lationship? If you have a secret that one of your friends told you is it okay to tell your SO?

Foots

May 1st, 2009
2:16 pm

Dan Because the world reacts to relationships. We all have a relationship to each other, even if you’re just the dude I know from around the corner.

What if you had a nice looking mother and the two of you were out at the same place, but not standing together and a dude at the bar randomly starts talking to you about the hot, older lady he just saw on the way to the bathroom, saying how much he’d like to hit that.

You’d check that dude in a NY minute by saying “Man, that’s my mama!!” And the dude would change his behavior and mostly likely apologize to you. That’s because now that he understands her relationship to you, it instantly changes how he behaves and the type of respect he will show to her around you.

Can you understand this?

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
2:16 pm

@LEGGS
i like you. if i didn’t i would posts some things that would hurt your feelings.

respect . . . just sayin’.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:16 pm

It does not require anyone else’s approval/conditions/permission.

Dan – What you fail time and time again to address is maybe SHE wants a definition. Maybe she wants a title.

This we against the world thing is great. But what about what SHE wants.

As a woman with women friends, we’re not typically on this “justbe” tip. Sorry.

DuShawn

May 1st, 2009
2:17 pm

A Potnah of mine is in a new relationship. He’s obviously really digging the chick. He talks about her often and is undoubtedly falling in love. I asked him, “well is that your lady?” He said “Actually, dog, she claimed me.” He told me they were at a social event with some of her friends and family and she introduced him as “this is my boyfriend…”. Surprised the shyt out of him. I said, playa, you didn’t receive the memo from the International Council of Single Women? It states, In 2009 if you f$%k four times, you go together.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:18 pm

@ Dushawn – The infancy stage it what prolonogs the “boyfriend/girlfriend experience”. It continually is about reverts to the thrill and fun of it all.

Your point was made plain.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:18 pm

LMAO @ Bonkers!

Have you been reading her posts today, tho Lioness?! Way to focus on the wrong damn thing. :lol:

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:19 pm

@Foots

For you, no, I wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, I’d be smiling from ear to ear for the next 24 -48 hours

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:19 pm

Lioness I need my Jolly Ranchers! I need my Jolly Ranchers! Lol…Oxtails? Are we related, i’m semi-Jamacian? Lol

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
2:19 pm

All I have at my desk is grape jolly ranchers. Well, only have 4~

Grace

May 1st, 2009
2:21 pm

I’m in agreement with most all ofthe posts I’ve read so far. I’m all for titles,it defines where/what we are as to relating. No confusion, no stress/complication.

Most men I’ve met were only looking for a friend and I knew exactly what that meant. I cringe when I hear let’s be friends but you want to feel all up on my booty, hands off, no thanks.
When I’m out with the love of my life I dare him to introduce me as his friend.

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
2:21 pm

Ared- The same ol same ol.. Things that make you go hmmmm NEXT :)

lurker

May 1st, 2009
2:21 pm

Dan

Men and women have been in sexual relationships that:
- had no title,
- had one person thinking the relationship was something it wasn’t, and
- had a title that didn’t mean jackisht.

With your 3 points, how about we back up and say men and women have engaged in sexing…..then bring in your points. It’s not a relationship if no foundation been established. More often than not, folks get duped on the regular under the assumption that there’s more going on than just sex, when sex is being exchanged. More often than not folks get duped because when they reach for more, it’s not there because nothing was defined and folks are operating from different angles. I’m not crossing those lines under an assumption or even because you’ve labeled me as your girl. If the ingredients (love, trust, exclusitivity) of a relationship is void of whatever it is we call ourselves doing, not happening. We can blog from now on but we (grown folks) all know the scales are always tipped to someone’s disadvantage if both parties aren’t on the same page. If you’re being provided with the “girlfriend/boyfriend” experience, why not state to the other invidual what your intentions are? We’ve all been in situations where we’ve carried leverage. If I know a dude is seriously feeling me but I’m not there, I find it less complicated and messy to define and state where I am in that scene. All the while accepting those experiences you know whether or not you view that person as a serious SO. I guess I still don’t get rolling with the “unspoken and assumed.”

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:21 pm

When I go on maternity leave I am going to drive my friends crazy calling them all day because I am not going to have you all to goof off with every day. Especially after I have been home for 5-6 weeks. Alone all day. With a crying baby. Who doesn’t like me already.

Oh wait my knucklehead son will be there. It will be summer break. I will just drive him crazy.

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
2:22 pm

Cee- I am fully West indian :) LOL! Just born in NY

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:22 pm

I was watching Judge Mathis one night and this stupid chick was there talking about she and the guy was dating, but he said they were not. So Judge asked her questions based on what folks normally do when in a relationship and she was able to answer. Asked him the same questions and Judge caught him in a lie. She was his girlfriend and he ended up admitting it.

Raqi – I have so much experience with this. Dudes are so reluctant to even call it a “date” nowadays. Of course I call em on this. And especially if they think they are going to get a kiss.

So often, I have to break down what dating is and what we’re doing and then he has to admit it sure looks like a date. I’m over giving dating 101 lessons in 2009. But it’s sad out there.

Even the boys in the youth group at Church state “we don’t date, we smash” I bet the young ladies would love to hear that one. :???:

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
2:27 pm

**I cringe when I hear let’s be friends**

me too. it’s quite a turn-off to where you don’t want to be there anything. no friend, no kickin’ it buddy.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:28 pm

especially if they think they are going to get a kiss

Now I have kissed a guy or two that I did not consider to be a boyfriend. One kiss does not a boyfriend make.

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
2:30 pm

Why do I have to be hurt or scarred to not want to be married? Why is it cool for women to choose to be single for life but something has to be hurt inside of men?

ForReal I asked the question b/c usually your posts tend to have an extremely hard angle AGAINST relationships and I wanted to know why….that’s all. Both men and women can at times become anti-relationship after they’ve been hurt and I wanted to know if you were one of them. Shyt do you bruh…do you. There’s nothing against being single for life(’cause I think I am) if that’s what floats your boat and gets you through the night then float,float, float on…float on float on……

Grace

May 1st, 2009
2:30 pm

One kiss does not a boyfriend make – when I was young I thought I would get pregnant if I kissed a boy (blink blink)

lurker

May 1st, 2009
2:32 pm

For Real Oh and that saying “having your cake and eating it too” is the stupidiest ish I have eva heard of. WTF else do you do with cake? I mean Dayum!!
So lurker that title is that important to you huh? Okay you are my gf but I’m treat you like ish but that’s okay because you have the title of GIRLFRIEND

If it reads stupid…..stupid is as stupid reads
Read my 2:22…sorry, not slow, dumb nor stuck on stupid…what’s in a word? Yeah we know that. However, not saying or an admission of a SO is even more foul. Only a dummy will give you the girlfriend experience, breaking you off a bit of azz when you can’t even tell or explain who or what she is to you. Better yet, when you ain’t reciprocating the same. Folks love to conviently play dumb when it’s to their advantage. Sorry though, I’m not a slow chick. I don’t do nothing on words spoken or not. Heck, you can make your mouth call me your girlfriend just for the sake of…..

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:32 pm

@Foots

That’s my momma, she grown, she do what she want to….now if dude get to ackin bad, he’ll get the “ackright” from the D.

@Red

Kinda dude I am, if she need the title, I’m happy to give it to her/accept it from her. H3llz we can go get the Ric Flair belt recreated if that’s what she wants to do.

If I’m in it with her, I’m in it.

@Lurker

Folks get duped when they expect the sex to lead to something more, without clearly stating the conditional nature of the sex. If you are tacitly expecting me to be your “man” just because “we’ve had sex four times”, and I don’t get the memo, that’s on you.

Just like it’s on a man that pays for drinks, pays for dates, pays for outings without ever having the courage to define his intentions for spending time (and money) on said female. funny, I never hear much dissent when a dude get caught out trickin from the ladies….

On this version of it, Truth and I agree, if you state your conditions for sex, time, money, affection, attention, whatever, I reserve the right to decline the offer on those conditions without a counteroffer.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:32 pm

Now I have kissed a guy or two that I did not consider to be a boyfriend. One kiss does not a boyfriend make.

Keep up Raqi, I was talking about calling it a date.

I’ll kiss after a first date.

But not after a “hanging out” session or whatever they call that crap.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
2:33 pm

Amazon you would be surprise how many girls are smashing him and his friend and someone else. If they are willing to sex-text their tushy to a guy know he will share it with his friend who will share with their friends..why ever in the world would they think they were exclusively dating?

Look know the rules and regs up front. Are we a couple or a couple of people going out? Are we in a working relationship? or working on a relationship? or just working it out? If you tell someone up front..look now I am not in this to be with you long term lets just date and see how it goes..you have the option to push the heck on or stick around for the fireworks. But atleast you had fair warning up front.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
2:33 pm

Lioness West Indian????- shoooot, that even better! Can i get some oxtails and curry rice, please?

I guess sushi for lunch is old news now! Guuurl, you have peeked my palate with that one!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:34 pm

If I’m in it with her, I’m in it.

Dan – Ahh I see. So the “justbe” situation is for the girls who are dumb enough to accept it as that.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
2:35 pm

Did someone say apple jolly ranchers you are singing my song! :smile:

Kym, Foots and Red are dropping some real ish! Keep it going ladies!

Lioness what you drinking tonight? :wink:

Raqi I am not sure we can relate business titles and what comes with those titles to personal relationship titles! But you are one bad mami!
:wink:

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:37 pm

Okay just the same, I have kissed a guy and we were not on a date. I was actually on a “date” with someone else at the time.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:37 pm

Amazon you would be surprise how many girls are smashing him and his friend and someone else.

Kym, I know I would be.

And I’m with you with knowing the rules and regs up front. So necessary.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:38 pm

Okay just the same, I have kissed a guy and we were not on a date. I was actually on a “date” with someone else at the time.

:lol: