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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Girlfriend Experience

There was a film entitled “The Girlfriend Experience” that debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival last week that is creating quite a buzz. The premise of the film is basically about a “working girl” who charges $2,000 an hour to act as a client’s girlfriend for the night, providing more intimacy than just physical intimacy.

This week Oprah interviewed a young lady who worked at a brothel in Nevada. She also said that many clients are return customers whom she has an ongoing connection to. They  basically pay for “the girlfriend experience” and seek her out to provide the experience of having a relationship. What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy? Is it just another commodity or are these people fooling themselves?

I am not interested in becoming a working girl, don’t worry! I just started thinking about how some single men date women to get the girlfriend experience without the expectations, commitment, or exclusivity. Now I know there are men that are interested in forming good relationships. It can be difficult figuring out who these men are, but usually time reveals all.

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

Guys, do you meet and date women and desire to get “the girlfriend experience” without an actual relationship? Is this usually a sign of committment phobia? Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

497 comments Add your comment

lurker

May 1st, 2009
1:01 pm

I can’t explain it, but I could understand it. A few years ago on my birthday, as a gift to myself, I rented this expensive sports car for the week end. Both my whips were operable and parked in the drive way. I just wanted to flex for my birthday. I equate that to married brutha’s that trick off. Although you have something nice parked at home, sometimes you get tired of driving her and want to stunt.

If you say so….still sounds like little having and eating cake going on. Just getting extras or different because you feel the need/urge. But yeah, in the real world we know this behavior exists.

ABC 12:45…say it again

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
1:02 pm

Lioness: Don’t worry if I see you in a bar I will buy you all the drink you want then try to get you back to me place for some spanking! :lol:

Look likes Campcreek is the spot to see Mamba and Cee in those sun dresses! I’ll find ya because I know it going to be loud and boisterous!
:wink:

Men we must always have a seperate account from the wife! :smile:

Ladies what in a name if I ask you to attend the party is that not obvious that you are significant to me?

Just asking! Sybil or Kym do not get too fired up it;s only Friday! :smile:

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:04 pm

My point is that what I call you don’t mean as much as us walking in together, arm in arm; me holding your chair out (door open, etc). It the XY and Z of me showing love.

Well of course not. And I’m sure your grandma feels the same but she’s still your grandma. And I doubt you’d go around introducing her as by her first name.

And yeah, for me, the definitions are finite and I tell people in my life that. If I introduce a guy as a “friend” know that no relations have gone down. My friends are my friends. They don’t fall into gray areas.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:06 pm

Ladies what in a name if I ask you to attend the party is that not obvious that you are significant to me?

And… :?: What is the big deal in professing that to other people?

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:08 pm

Dan It’s not infinite, it means just what it says, straight from the dictionary:

Acquaintance – a relationship less intimate than friendship; a person with whom you are acquainted
Friend – a person you know well and regard with affection and trust
Boyfriend – a person’s regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship

i.e., Bill Ayers was an acquaintance of Obama’s because they knew each other in passing, he was NOT a friend.

Simple, really.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:08 pm

Now I’m starting to understand the designation of the “it’s complicated” status in regards to relationships on Facebook. Some of y’all sure are. :lol:

Sybil

May 1st, 2009
1:09 pm

Cougar – Men like to claim ownership of what’s theirs. You guys are always talking about ‘my this’ or ‘my that’…my car, my job, my frat and so on.

If you don’t introduce a chick as ‘my SOMETHING’, then there is not enough invested there for you to stake your claim.

You’re either planning something with her or you’re playing with her.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
1:10 pm

but in the real world, people work with titles

Ironically enough Amazon most of us if asked what we do at our jobs other than goof off would give the asker a job title as we fit into the company we work for. It’s our label. Project Coordinator, Supervisor, Credit Manager and so on. However we are okay with being “blank” in a relationship. Aaaaand those title primarily carry certain benefits and whatnot.

How funny are we. Even the bustboy at your local diner has a title.

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:11 pm

Cougar No, if you asked me to a party, to me that means that you just want me to go to a party with you.

I thought guys didn’t like when women read too far into things. You mean to tell me that if you asked me to a party I’m supposed to assume that we’re on another level? LOL!!!!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
1:11 pm

SexyCool and Cemeeli I forgot I bought a cute t-shirt the last time I was at Phillips. My friend and I were talking about how we didn’t want to get a player’s name on anything since they’ll change but I got this one anyway because it will never go out of style for me ;-) Might have to put that on tonight depending on how the muffin is acting :lol:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
1:14 pm

You’re either planning something with her or you’re playing with her.

sums it up for me. good stuff Sybil.

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:15 pm

i love titles. they kinda let you know where you are in said relationship and how to act.

example one – she’s around your best buds and fam, SOME wifey duties, may have a key, constant contact throughout the day, care about their welfare, when you see him you see her, love is in the mix. GIRLFRIEND

example two – conversation is friendly, there’s space between you guys, you’re both seeing other folks, kick it once a week or so, a text here and there, kiss on cheek good-bye, only love for the friendship. FRIEND/PARTNA

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:15 pm

Raqi And I also bet that if someone introduced the guy that walked into the room saying “This is John”, nobody would change their demeanor. But if they qualified him as “This is John, the new CEO of our company”, folks would make some adjustments.

My feeling is that they completely understand titles, but they are reluctant to give them because they aren’t quite sure where the woman fits in their life, and they don’t want the added responsibility and accountability that the title brings. To admit that right there is fine.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
1:16 pm

Not only do work titles carry certain benefits, they also carry certain responsibilities.

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:19 pm

@POOHBEAR
where r u? CHEWY discovered digging. help!!!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:21 pm

How funny are we. Even the bustboy at your local diner has a title.

Raqi – Precisely. I knew you’d get it. I was going to ask if you ever introduced your husband w/out a title, but I figured I knew the answer to that one already.

That’s why I clearly would run from any guy on that “let’s just be” nonsense. There is going to be some issues and conflicts with that mentality alone that I’m not dealing with (anymore! ;) )

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:23 pm

and for example one, your conversations are about the future . . . together.

DuShawn

May 1st, 2009
1:23 pm

“….You’re either planning something with her or you’re playing with her.” “….know where you are in said relationship” Typical, female “We need to Talk about us” rhetoric.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
1:23 pm

RaqiHowever we are okay with being “blank” in a relationship. Aaaaand those title primarily carry certain benefits and whatnot.

So true

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
1:23 pm

@Beautiful, I’m not getting on your case, but there’s a difference when someone willingly posts about their SO’s and when someone’s :arrow: “…been tryin’ forever to get FOR REAL to talk about his personal life. i’ve tried being subtle to where i’m not coming off as a flirt.” That’s why I said “pump the brakes” :lol:

Rell - know dat

May 1st, 2009
1:25 pm

@sexycoool….you know where i will be tonight…i just love dem wangs…lol…so i just might see you there…depending on what the crew want to do…but i digress

You give her a title to establish who she is in your life

- dan thanks for the remix but i meant what i said

We give her a title to establish who we are as well

- to my point….me my friend and his girl are at the bar…some dude walks up and tries to strike up a convo with his girl…his girl is like my man is behind me no thanks…dude is like is that your man…she said yes…dude said SO….what do you think happen next

my point is this title for men establish who we are…we are someones brother, father, lover, friend….we establish respect with the TITLES we hold and we want all the benefits of said TITLE….pause

Now if you not bestowing a title on your lady friends then my dude you are just holding the poo see hostage for the dude thats going to play the game fair…i mean if she is your ho at least give her the choice if she wants to be that or not

the arguement on titles is stooopid….you have to have them to establish respect and order….feel me..

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:27 pm

My feeling is that they completely understand titles, but they are reluctant to give them because they aren’t quite sure where the woman fits in their life, and they don’t want the added responsibility and accountability that the title brings. To admit that right there is fine.

Preach Foots!

Cuz I bet no one has a problem letting a girl they are interested in getting to know better that the pretty lady at the table is his SISTER! lol

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
1:29 pm

I don’t give title cause I think some folks just nosy as hell.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
1:32 pm

Foots scratch this entire sentence. because they aren’t quite sure where the woman fits in their life.

That part is more likely true –} “they don’t want the added responsibility and accountability that the title brings”.

If you pull up yahoo jobs or career builder you will jobs listed by title and salary. The average teacher in Georgia makes what…about $40,000. With the job skills and performance of a teacher an individual would expect to receive at least the average going salary.

But some folks want the “teacher” skills and performance within the relationship but don’t want to give the $40 that is warranted for the position. If you allow them to they will bring you in having you do all the work that the title holds but by not actually agreeing to give you the position or title they reap the benefits yet without the compensation or commitment to you.

SexyCool

May 1st, 2009
1:32 pm

Du – Actually, Sybil’s line about planning or playing is word for word Steve Harvey.

Last I checked, he was NOT female.

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:32 pm

@LEGGS
when you posts stuff like **I’m not getting on your case** it means nothing to me. you’re just like AMAZON. just say it!!!

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:36 pm

I don’t give title cause I think some folks just nosy as hell.

Which goes back to my point of hang ups. Usually some resistants to titles is because someone has got some hang up about it for whatever reason.

Yeah, some folks are nosy as hell. Still doesn’t change what some folks are in your life. They’re nosy as hell, but your son is still your son nosy folks or not.

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:37 pm

**when someone willingly posts about their SO’s**

this is why we are all here. FOR REAL is not a relationship expert. if he was ok, but he ain’t. so it’s kinda strange to me on why he doesn’t share this part of his life with us.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
1:37 pm

@Rell

I’m not a cop, Ion handcuff naan female.

@Foots/Red

It is complicated, if at that moment [of introduction], I’m feeling “some kinda way about her” then I’ll state that fact.

But there two things that predominate my thought process on this:

1) I can call [you] what I want, it’s what [you] choose to answer to; and

2) It don’t matter what I call [you], it’s how I treat you that matters.

Everything else outside my [relationship] with a woman is just that – outside (labels and all).

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:41 pm

DuShawn All the dudes that wanted to be with me in a real relationship, I NEVER had to ask “where is this going”. They told me where they wanted it to go. And I bet that your wife didn’t have to paint you in a corner for you to decide you wanted her, did she? You lovededed that woman! LOL!

Rell and Raqi are preaching now. It’s good to hear a dude break it down like that. Sounds different coming from the XY.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:43 pm

It is complicated,

Nope it’s simple. You make it complicated. If you were married, even if you were feeeling “some kind of way about her :???: ” she’d still be your wife. “You’ll state that fact?” What kind of malarkey is that? Seriously, does your head hurt over think this?

I’m running away so fast I just broke a world record. :lol:

And you still don’t get that most often, it does matter what you call us. How you treat us matters too. You can have both and should.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:44 pm

Thanks for no love Foots! :evil:

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:44 pm

**They told me where they wanted it to go.**

this is what i’ve experienced. if you have to ask a man **where is this going?** the answer is nowhere.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
1:44 pm

“they don’t want the added responsibility and accountability that the title brings”.

I started to add this right after Foots typed it, with a big fat cosign but the men folks just don’t get it (really they do). Cool, if no title, responsibility and nor accountability is how you roll, roll on. For every said chick getting the “bland” stamp branded on her she needs to throw in the “no azz” clause….it should be packaged with the “no title” thing. We know, we know there’s always somebody willing to break you off when your “nothing” won’t but that’s another blog topic…

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
1:44 pm

I think I told you all about when my first husband worked at a Cadillac dealership he was tricked into doing the duties of the supervisor but he was never given the benefits or pay. He worked the long hours and everything and after two weeks received the same pay as he did when he was working under the previous supervisor. He was young and didn’t know to get all of that worked out before hand. He trusted them and trusted they would do right by him. They kinda just pushed him up into the position and never promised him anything more than what he was already getting as just a dealer.

For Real

May 1st, 2009
1:46 pm

Kym: Kiss the monkey foot first then I will forgive you.

Ared: I introduce her by her name. – I’m too old to be going round talking about this is my gf. – What exactly does the title of gf give you? The title of wife gives you something but girlfriend? – You never defined what commitment means. – That was funny w/beautiful! – Why am I not good for her just because I don’t want to be married? So, the way I treat her, the thing I do for her, or having her back is all BS simiply because I don’t want to get married? – Dating only to get married is strange/scary to me. Is it the dude you want or is it marriage that you want since that’s the reason you date. Dating is a verb, something you do to get know people and yourself.

Foots: She wasn’t backing away from me, her friends keep telling her it’s not enough that I’m “good to her” and “good for her” but I need to marry her. It’s strange that all of her friends are single or in a relationship that don’t like/want but she is happy with/in our relationship. What’s the saying, “miserable women love company”. – On your boyfriend title setting him apart, that’s akin to gay people having this need to let everyone else know they are gay. WTF!!! So, you gay why do I have to know? The title of boyfriend is useless it’s your love for him and his love for you that sets him apart.

Sassy: Why do I have to be hurt or scarred to not want to be married? Why is it cool for women to choose to be single for life but something has to be hurt inside of men? But to answer question NO to both and I am not against marriage or people that are in relationships. I just don’t want to be in either one. One more thing, I don’t put a whole lot of stock into “relationships” they are no where near as important as marriage and that includes those “relationships working towards marriage”. You are either married or single.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:47 pm

so it’s kinda strange to me on why he doesn’t share this part of his life with us.

SOOOOOO?!? Like there is a rule he has to. :???:

Some folks OVER SHARE….and????

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
1:47 pm

I would LOVE a soft chewy brownie right now :)

lurker

May 1st, 2009
1:47 pm

And for most of the dudes that posts here, it’s a given, matter of fact they’ve been adamant that they ain’t co-existing with a SO without the physical/intimacy. So, without having a title or being with a “nothing” does that exempt you from requiring azz on a regular? Rhetorically speaking that is.

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:49 pm

Amazon Oh girl, you know you break it down on the regular! How’s that? :-) We =====>here<=====.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
1:52 pm

Look lets be real if you see me and my son together you are not going to assume he is my date. He is tall but he ain’t that damn tall. Also the family resemblance is there. Folks might assume he is my brother, or nephew but dude I am dating never.

Now when you are in a social setting with a guy and someone says and who is this? This…is Barney Rubble. Barney Rubble this is Nosy Azz Irene. Now if Nosy Azz Irene can’t control her natural desire to be in other folks beeswax then she might say..”Ohh are you two dating?” Now if you want to answer to feed her curiosity go for it. I on the other hand am prone to fits of smartazzness and may say no he is the pool man. or Dating? Who Us? Oh No we just screw on occassion. or if I am really feeling froggy. I might say Dating? Why you want to know? Why are you offering him your panties? –Told you I go for shock value at times.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
1:53 pm

I clearly would run

Amazon Even if the title is “just a friend” that’s cool. But you shouldn’t be handing out girlfriend benefits as just a friend. That’s where we go wrong. If you want the girl/boy friend experience go get a girl/boy friend. If you want the wifey duties, get a wife.

Rell - know dat

May 1st, 2009
1:53 pm

@dan..i was not direct that at you…i am just flowing..peace god

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:53 pm

For Real

I introduce her by her name. – I’m too old to be going round talking about this is my gf. – What exactly does the title of gf give you? The title of wife gives you something but girlfriend?

Why does it have to give you something? But it gives clarity for one. But since you don’t want a wife or a girlfriend, I understand your adversion.

You never defined what commitment means.

An exclusive relationship with the potential to lead to marriage.

That was funny w/beautiful!

Thanks. I fear for you. Close your windows. :lol:

Why am I not good for her just because I don’t want to be married? So, the way I treat her, the thing I do for her, or having her back is all BS simiply because I don’t want to get married?

Stop being dramatic. Yes, treating someone well is imporatant, but also important is for both parties to be getting what they want out of the relationship. If she didn’t want sex and you did, it wouldn’t be a good relationship for you either.

Dating only to get married is strange/scary to me. Is it the dude you want or is it marriage that you want since that’s the reason you date. Dating is a verb, something you do to get know people and yourself.

No one is talking about dating ONLY to get married. So you can calm down about that.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
1:56 pm

Even if the title is “just a friend” that’s cool.

Raqi – The moment he fixes his mouth to bring that up, I tell him “cool, so there will be no dating, sex or girlfriend type benefits.” Which changes the whole dynamic right off the bat. :lol:

I don’t f*ck my friends. Never have never will. :lol:

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
1:56 pm

@LURKER
**“no azz” clause…** mine is branded in pink. no title . . . no na na.

@AMAZON
honey, i didn’t say there was a rule. you have to admit, it gets pretty deep on here and when it does bloggers pour their hearts out. all FOR REAL does is give advice and provide his bullet point lists. i ‘preciate the info he gives out, but come on now.

something tells me he has been hurt bad. but i could be wrong.

Foots

May 1st, 2009
1:56 pm

For Real What we have between us is what sets us apart, true. However, we don’t live in a world with just the two of us. If we did, there would be no need for titles.

And a woman will always be “just your friend”, so I see why you’re not with titles. You don’t actually have a “relationship” with a woman if you only call her up to “hang out” once every few weeks. You don’t do relationships, you’re both single friends, and you call her to kick it when the mood strikes. Don’t call it what it’s not.

I hear time and time again that you shouldn’t listen to relationship advice from people who aren’t in relationships. So should we bypass your posts about what we should do in ours? LOL

Dan

May 1st, 2009
2:00 pm

@Lurker

We keep dancing around the meat of it:

Are you “my girlfriend” because you give me some cookie? Am I your “man” when you give me the cookie?

Big questions, simple answers that (as Red said) we complicate with differing moral systems.

Sex (as we all know) does not define a relationship. We can go back and forth about it, but in the end, the sex is just sex.

Men and women have been in sexual relationships that:
- had no title,
- had one person thinking the relationship was something it wasn’t, and
- had a title that didn’t mean jackisht.

My point is, all this “you are [this] to me” is irrelevant. Do I treat you in a manner sufficient to the way you want to be loved (if not, am I open to changing how I treat you)?

Then why must we have a “title”, I with you/you with me – until either of us decides that no longer what we want.

Now the talk of exclusivity, responsibility, and all that are valid points. But as 2 adults, having had relationships prior to this one, you and I should both KNOW what this is. Artificially labeling it something is, IMO, extra.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
2:01 pm

all FOR REAL does is give advice and provide his bullet point lists

Sorry. I don’t pay that much attention. People can use this blog for whatever they want to get enjoyment. I’m not going to question that purpose or pay much attention really. *shrugs*

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
2:03 pm

And it is not so much as what you are introduced as all the time, it is more of knowing where you stand in the relationship. Are you two on the same page as to what you are to each other? If no, then yeah you are going to get your Hanes in a bunch when I tell my girls/coworkers/family that you are my man/boyfriend in your presence.

All the time you thought we were just hanging out and you enjoying the girlfriend experiences and she is thinking you are her man/boyfriend because is providing the experience for you.

Get on the same page and don’t get labeled as less than what you are offering up. Men AND women both.