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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Girlfriend Experience

There was a film entitled “The Girlfriend Experience” that debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival last week that is creating quite a buzz. The premise of the film is basically about a “working girl” who charges $2,000 an hour to act as a client’s girlfriend for the night, providing more intimacy than just physical intimacy.

This week Oprah interviewed a young lady who worked at a brothel in Nevada. She also said that many clients are return customers whom she has an ongoing connection to. They  basically pay for “the girlfriend experience” and seek her out to provide the experience of having a relationship. What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy? Is it just another commodity or are these people fooling themselves?

I am not interested in becoming a working girl, don’t worry! I just started thinking about how some single men date women to get the girlfriend experience without the expectations, commitment, or exclusivity. Now I know there are men that are interested in forming good relationships. It can be difficult figuring out who these men are, but usually time reveals all.

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

Guys, do you meet and date women and desire to get “the girlfriend experience” without an actual relationship? Is this usually a sign of committment phobia? Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

497 comments Add your comment

Tmac

May 1st, 2009
10:36 am

Stacy…..

A girl in my office told us the joke going around about the pig and Black president…..I thought you came up with that joke and apparently not :) So are we a lock for this weekend or whaaa?

lurker

May 1st, 2009
10:37 am

RaqiAnd I am just going to jump out there with this one, maybe it is that feeling of having someone whisper “I love you so much” during the love making. Maybe this is what folks are paying for.

That’s funny too because the bottom line is, all was purchased…from the licking to the loving (can we call it that if there’s a receipt involved…lol), to having someone, knowingly getting, to say what you want to hear? Man, that’s wild. The thing about all this is, there are sooo many folks out there willing to either, give you azz free, with the bonus of throwing in emotions (you know us women…we’ll supply that part as a bonus), to telling you what you need to hear..okay maybe there’s a shortage there but the bottom line is, for what dude is paying for, he can get for free.

DuShawn

May 1st, 2009
10:38 am

“……..they dont have the guts or gonnads to engage that dime piece and successful woo her…so they pay.” I disagree. That may be true in some instances, but I know a lot of real cats, with beautiful dimes at the crib, that will occasionally break a little bread to trick off with a chick. If they choose to make a female do something strange for little piece of change, it’s not out of necessity, but more for the convenience and the different experience.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
10:38 am

I meant knowingly getting paid…

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
10:38 am

Ms. SASSAFRASS At least you sound like you’re usually an equal participant in that decision. So many women will accommodate the request when It Is Not At All what they desire. Then it’s never a good thing.

Mytwo I was in school at the time and quite busy(so was he)…. I had enough responsibilities already and didn’t want the ones that came with a “relationship”. I like my space (alot) and he didn’t try to crowd it and that’s what I liked about our siuation and how it turned out. Even swap no swindle…it is what it is and keep it moving. :)

Dan

May 1st, 2009
10:39 am

@Lurker

It’s called comparison shopping…

lurker

May 1st, 2009
10:39 am

Well, yeah. Now were talking “time horizons” if he got the “girlfriend experience” and she got the “smash and grab”, they both got what they wanted.

Now that’s funny and best described

KoolAid House

May 1st, 2009
10:40 am

@Staceye, 2 & Half Men is a good show. That little boy has a boatload of information about what “not to do” by living w/his uncle. Too funny.

And, don’t start w/Private Practice…it’s only 10:40. But OMG!

&I'llbethat (6'1&Luvinit)

May 1st, 2009
10:40 am

I have had the boyfriend experience and the girlfriend experience. To be with me at all is an experience. But in one case of the girlfriend friend experience, I was with the infamous “Stalker” and his whole thing was “I pay the cost to be the boss, so bytch do what I say”. Of course this wasn’t flying with me because I was making more than him and I was Princess Fiona at the beginning of the movie and he was Shrek the beginning and the end. SO till this day he is still on that and now that he is in the music industry, he calls me and asks me to go with him to various functions in the city and around the country. I didn’t feel like a whore when I was spending all his money and banking mines. But when he started with that shyt coming out his mouth talking to me like I was a whore. I started feeling like one and then I had to slap myself in the face and look in the mirror and say “Dayuum did you get your masters, to phuck with Shrek and get belittled at the same time?” Nope so I left Shrek alone, and of course I went back to BLACK and paying my own bills!!!!

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
10:40 am

Not to go all out on the deep end but rape is rarely if ever about sex. Rape is about power. The BTK killer was a everyday married dude with kids who was a power hungry pscyho. He got off on the power. Historically rape has always been a tool of power. Conquer and rape the women so the men will feel powerless. This guy who is raping women or sexually assaulting them in the Briarcliff area. I am willing to bet he is going to be some guy who would normally blend in. Nothing above or below average..someone who wanted to feel powerful and in control. A knife and a scary mask will do that for you.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
10:41 am

TwoLincolns Yes and No. Mayo is mayo. Miracle Whip is not mayo. Miracle Whip is just wrong on so many levels. LOL But then again so are a lot of certain types of relationships (marriages) that I will not speak of today.

But Coca-Cola, Pepsi, BigK are all brand names yet they are all cola. Now you may see a glass sitting on the table filled a brownish carbonated liquid and that liquid honestly be cola. Now I can lie to you about the brand however just because it is not the brand you desire does not make it not be cola.

The ingredients make the product. And yes I am still talking about relationships. LOL

Rell - know dat

May 1st, 2009
10:43 am

@2CENTS..thanks for keeping score

now to your point

RELL Somehow you’ve managed to cast a Trick – Hoe scenario on something entirely different.

love…from my experience a large majority of women will attempt to stick men in the trick bag…to my point

at the tavern a young lady beside me starts up a convo..we talk about alot of things for hours..enjoy the game..laugh..etc…we have talked this week…last night she mentions that her friends grilled her about me..but she also mention she had to remind her friends who i was..and her friend said…oo the dude that talk to you for an hour and did not offer to buy you a drank…now lets think on that for a moment…why would i HAVE to buy her a drink to keep her attention…again TRICK/HOE ish…but i realize this type of talk is forgien to the square world…

and on my journey…its says alot about who you are as a person to know my pain or what i am doing to heal..but if you must throw back at me..but i just smh at your self righetous attitude…peace love and have a good day

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:47 am

Leggs, change back. :lol:

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
10:48 am

That may be true in some instances, but I know a lot of real cats, with beautiful dimes at the crib, that will occasionally break a little bread to trick off with a chick.

Shawty you know I got that cash…you don’t even have to ask…have anything you want to ’cause I can make it rain on you…it aint trickin’ if you got it……..

DuShawn I like the way you think…you give an honest “man’s perspective”, know what I mean? You trim off the fat and just give ‘em the meat. I likey :)

Beautiful

May 1st, 2009
10:48 am

what RAQI said in her 10:26a. co-sign!

For Real

May 1st, 2009
10:49 am

What up blog fam!!!

What’s different about today’s topic from yesterday’s? Nothing! Both topics are trying to split hairs.

Lets get some ground rules here:

1. There are only two labels your either SINGLE or you are MARRIED!!!

2. You are single until you are married PERIOD!!

3. Marriage is the only relationship by LAW that is a committed PERIOD!! Everything else is non-binding agreement between two people.

4. 99% of the WOMEN on this blog are wayyyyyyy to fuggin old to be called GIRLFRIEND or wayyyyy to old to be out looking to be called GIRLFRIEND!!!!!

5. THE ONLY THING MARRIAGE DOES IS GIVES WOMEN AND IN SOME CASES MEN ACCESS TO THEIR SPOUSE’S MONEY/PROPERTY!! THAT’S THE ONLY GUARANTEE THAT MARRIAGE OFFERS PERIOD!!!

Now that the ground rules are in place lets talk!!

I-85

May 1st, 2009
10:49 am

Label or no label it’s one and the same thing. The older you get as a man the more you have to pay, confidence is the key you will have “free dates.”

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
10:49 am

Cougar I wasn’t dating anyone else – yet. But I was looking to. This guy and I were in a committed relationship and I told him that it wasn’t going to work but we could still ‘hang’.

Kym you’re already starting in on my Falcons…

AmRed My friend is going on the TJMS cruise and instead of going to Mexico – word is they are going to San Francisco and Seattle. I can’t imagine paying that much for a cruise that leaves one city in the contiguous US and docks at two others. So glad I decided not to make that trip this year.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
10:52 am

Morning –

Tazzee – Seems as if you had a lil extra time on your hands this morning…You care to help me with some of my month closing numbers? I came in early only to find out i made one error on something i spent 2 hrs on yesturday. Gotta start that rpt over. :(

_______________________________________

The “boyfriend experience”.

Reminds me of a Valet guy – (a new metaphor for you Swissie)- The type of guy that “fits the good for you, role” but then, is typically just good “to” you. He takes care of your exterior needs, typically the cute & fun – The “boyfriend” stuff. And while performing “duties” & looking good doing it, he’s just not a permanent driver.

Valet Consumer’s Tip: Liabilty insurance on a valet driver is typically very expensive. If you hire one, ask about his personal insurance policy.

:wink:

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:53 am

I can’t imagine paying that much for a cruise that leaves one city in the contiguous US and docks at two others

Tazzee – Me either! When is the cruise set to sail? Soon?

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:54 am

For Real – Those rules suck. :lol:

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
10:55 am

Staceye she actually likes it. I eat more of it now than before. I prefer mustard she prefers mayo.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
10:55 am

@RELL brother that is a good point! What is the mindset of women who think because you are conversing and having a good time you shouldbut them anything!

Ladies what is the thinking behind those thoughts!

@TMAC …. You may have missed it… but someone stole Staceye libido and we have informed the FBI and homeland security agencies to go out and find it! :smile:

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
10:57 am

AmRed – they are leaving on May 17. I feel bad for her but I am SO glad I’m not going.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
11:00 am

@Tazzee–naww not starting at all…but preseason is just around the corner..lol.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
11:00 am

Coogs – A guy buying me a drink is not a necessity for my conversation. It’s always a nice gesture but not necessary.

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
11:04 am

:lol: @ARed. I know.

@Rell, no you don’t have to offer to buy the lady you’ve been conversing with for over an hour a drink. It would have been nice, but certainly not mandatory. Hell, it I want another drink I’ll buy it myself and probably would offer to buy you one as well if I’m talking to you for that long.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
11:04 am

@Hunter

From me asking the very question in your 10:55 here’s the answers I rountinely get:

“If he’s really interested, he’d buy me drink when mine is gone”

“If he’s getting his [drink] refilled, common courtesy is to ask me if I’d like a refill” <–some merit

“Because I’m thirsty”

Mind you, this is a particular “brand” (off-brand) of chick. So…take it at that.

Some of the “muck” aforementioned

For Real

May 1st, 2009
11:07 am

Kym: I have never bought the whole “rape is about power” line. I believe it was started to give victims something from the event they feel they can take back. Men already know they are stronger than women rape doesn’t prove that to them. Men that rape women do so for:

1. SEX

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
11:07 am

REll- ?? A gentleman would offer to buy a lady a drink.. It is not about keeping her attention at all.. Men are sooo different! I know dudes that would buy a lady a drink and not want anything from her. That is a gentleman.. Sad to know that there is something wrong with buying a lady a drink!

Question: Do you guys open doors for your lady or any lady? Car door, store door etc…

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
11:09 am

For Real- I DISAGREE!! A man rapes a woman cause he knows she will resist him.. If she agrees to have sex with him, most likely he won’t want to do it..

Foots

May 1st, 2009
11:13 am

Oh, no! Not the “buy me a drank” convo again! LOL!

For Real DUDE!! Are you EVER going to share an experience of your own about actually dating instead of making rules about what everyone else can say and should do? Just askin…

On topic, I can see why a man would pay for it. Like others have said, it’s about the variety of being able to do things and say things that a woman they’d see on a more regular basis would be opposed to. It’s about hearing “Oh, baby you’re so sexy” instead of “Didn’t I tell you to take out the trash”. It’s about telling a random woman about your day, your secrets, and your dreams without ever having to sit and listen to hers. It’s about paying for that type of intimacy and interest and then being able to get up and leave.

I don’t hate on it, men do what they feel they need to do to get what they need. If they are willing to pay for it, so be it. Believe me, I take note from women in the “business” and provide those things from time to time. Tying into the convo from yesterday, if you give someone what the type of love and intimacy they actually need instead of what you think they need, they’ll be less likely to get their true needs met elsewhere.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
11:15 am

I feel bad for her but I am SO glad I’m not going.

:lol: Tazzee – They’re not going to bring you back a shot glass then. I hope they have a good time anyway, but I’d be pizzed.

I’m supposed to go to Cancun in a couple months. First I get the report that there is all this violence. Now there is swine flu. We’ll see what happens next. :lol:

For Real

May 1st, 2009
11:15 am

Ared: Don’t make me give you a love tap with this monkey foot. Now, those are the rules.

Lioness: There is nothing wrong with a man buying a woman a drink. What’s wrong is for a woman to expect a man to buy her a drink.

On your second post, soooooooo the reason a man attacks a woman is because he wants to fight not because he wants sex????

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
11:18 am

Don’t make me give you a love tap with this monkey foot.

:lol:

For Real – please grace us old spinsters with what title we should be given instead of “girlfriend.” I didn’t know there was an age limit on the term.

LIONESS- Just Booked My Vacation

May 1st, 2009
11:19 am

For Real- I agree! As for your question, he wants the feeling of taking what the woman doesn’t want to give..

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
11:20 am

For Real..I am not going to debate with you because one..I am too tired..and two..like the saying goes Opinions everyone has one. But if sex is the ultimate mission..you can get the most depraved forms of sex sent to you digitally or given 20.00 and a six pack you can get the same act performed by two crackheads or two willing sex workers(heck talk right and you might get it for free)..I mean sex is the physical. Granted some rapist set sights on certain things..hair color, physical features, remind them of mama, but in the end it is still they want power and domination over that victim.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
11:20 am

@Lioness

Yes, I open doors for women (and the elderly) in general.

As to your second question, For Real hit it on the head you expecting me to buy you a drink is as presumptuous as me expecing you to do reciprocate with “something” because I bought you a drink.

Two totally different questions: one is courtesy, the other an [unrealistic] expectation

Foots

May 1st, 2009
11:22 am

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship?

Oh sure, many times. If I figure out that I’m liking dude like that and I want more and he doesn’t, I vacate. Once they figure out that I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, they call wanting to explain themselves. If I want to talk, I do, if I’m not hearing it, I don’t answer.

I’ve told one of my friends in particular not to get a man wanting to spend every waking moment with you and playing the role as the boyfriend mixed up with an actual committment on his part to being in a relationship. She was paying more attention to what dude did, rather than what he said, which was “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now”. I’ve gotten it confused a few times myself, so I was just sharing what I learned. The dudes that wanted a relationship with me came out and said just that, there wasn’t a long period of “Are we or aren’t we?” If he hasn’t said that, then I enjoy the time for what it is, then move on when I’m ready for something serious.

Wise Diva

May 1st, 2009
11:25 am

um For Real, I don’t think any “old chicks” were getting caught up on the title of girlfriend per se. Girlfriend is the adjective in this case, not the noun. LOL

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
11:25 am

That’s it right there “For Real”. Those that “expect” the man to buy the drink. Ok, we’ve chopped this drink convo to pieces in the past. Come with your own money so you don’t have to wait for anyone to buy you a drink. :wink:

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
11:25 am

Lioness: I am not sure I agree a gentlemen is someone who buys a drink!

Being a gentlemen has nothing to do with buying a woman a drink at a bar he just met!

@from Tazzee — Cougar I wasn’t dating anyone else – yet. But I was looking to. This guy and I were in a committed relationship and I told him that it wasn’t going to work but we could still ‘hang’.

@Tazzee so you wanted the benefits but not the commitment! I feel ya!

@

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
11:25 am

She was paying more attention to what dude did, rather than what he said, which was “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now”. I’ve gotten it confused a few times myself, so I was just sharing what I learned.

Foots – Definitely guilty of this as well. Ah, the joys of youth. :lol: But this also touches on yesterday’s topic, someone good TO you that’s not good FOR you.

Ironically, Grey’s Anatomy had the “not good for you.” As a storyline on yesterday’s episode too.

Cemeeli

May 1st, 2009
11:27 am

Hello folks.

De ja vu today?

Seems like a replica of “Good for you, or good to you.”

Okay, I have a metaphor jus’ for u Swissie.

“The boyfriend experience”, is like having personal Valet.  Valet hook-ups do a hella performance for their clients.

Since it’s Friday, I’ll just play with this one and say; A valet boyfriend could perform those cute and fun boyfriend “duties” he “fit the part of being good for you” but typically is just “good to you”, and probably wouldn’t become the permanent driver.

Valet Consumer Tip #1: Valet drivers’ liability insurance is typically very expensive. If you hire one, make sure to inquire about his personal insurance policy.

Foots

May 1st, 2009
11:27 am

Actually, that same friend has practiced her game and is enjoying the boyfriend experience with a dude now. She brought him to my party a few months back and I asked her recently how things were going. She said that she answers the phone when she feels like it, she goes to lunch if he asks her to go when she feels like it, and she likes not having to answer to anybody about what she does or how she spends her time. I get the feeling that he wants more, but she’s not giving him any false hopes about what it is: a slightly un-platonic male-female friendship. It’s just what she needs right now.

Wise Diva

May 1st, 2009
11:27 am

LOL @ Foots! “Are you EVER going to share an experience of your own about actually dating instead of making rules about what everyone else can say and should do? Just askin”

that’s a great question actually, I would love to hear about the women you date For Real, surely you can pick the great ones since you have so many rules that work for you, with all your bulleted lists and rules, have you realistically attracted the woman that embodies them all? If she exists, that is.

For Real

May 1st, 2009
11:28 am

Foots: Are you raising your voice to me? My experience let’s seeeee… I started out as an embryo. I was single then and I am still single. I’m straight forward with the chicks I meet. I don’t lie. I don’t play game. My word is my bond. I don’t want to get married. I don’t want a girlfriend (see my earlier post about gf). If that’s good with a chick then I will be good to her and good for her (hey Wise). If and when that’s no longer what the chick want from me, then we part as friend and I keep on chugging along. I don’t just spout off on here I live by everything I say. Well except when I’m playin. I believe in K.I.S.S and my peace of mind. I defend my peace of mind with everything I got. So, all of my relationship stories start and end the same way. There maybe some chicks that believe I will change but I always remind them of what I said on the first day, the second day, the third day….. I don’t want to be married. I don’t want a girlfriend. So swallow the blue pill because you want to. How’s that?

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
11:29 am

@TMAC …. You may have missed it… but someone stole Staceye libido and we have informed the FBI and homeland security agencies to go out and find it…….

Tmac You think you can handle that?……I’m just sayin ;)

For Real – please grace us old spinsters with what title we should be given instead of “girlfriend.” I didn’t know there was an age limit on the term.

AmRed awwww sookie sookie let’s get it started….

lurker

May 1st, 2009
11:29 am

That may be true in some instances, but I know a lot of real cats, with beautiful dimes at the crib, that will occasionally break a little bread to trick off with a chick. If they choose to make a female do something strange for little piece of change, it’s not out of necessity, but more for the convenience and the different experience.

Why pay someone to do what your wife can do? Or why not get with the strange, seeing what you like is what you’ll get and make a go of it? I think Staceye’s post from Wednesday about sums it up….

Staceye 4/29/09men claim they want a “virtous” woman…but then they go out and get the total opposite. I think men say they want what is good on paper. Some even marry those…but then they cheat with what they really wanted in the first place. All this is to say that people are full of it.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
11:34 am

@Lurker

Key word in that statement “strange”

There are request that, even if wifey would happily perform, some men just can’t make of an SO. Madonna/whore, parochial interests, whatever you wanna call it – “strange” (as in abnormal) is where those “ladies of the night” make most of their living.