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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The Girlfriend Experience

There was a film entitled “The Girlfriend Experience” that debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival last week that is creating quite a buzz. The premise of the film is basically about a “working girl” who charges $2,000 an hour to act as a client’s girlfriend for the night, providing more intimacy than just physical intimacy.

This week Oprah interviewed a young lady who worked at a brothel in Nevada. She also said that many clients are return customers whom she has an ongoing connection to. They  basically pay for “the girlfriend experience” and seek her out to provide the experience of having a relationship. What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy? Is it just another commodity or are these people fooling themselves?

I am not interested in becoming a working girl, don’t worry! I just started thinking about how some single men date women to get the girlfriend experience without the expectations, commitment, or exclusivity. Now I know there are men that are interested in forming good relationships. It can be difficult figuring out who these men are, but usually time reveals all.

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

Guys, do you meet and date women and desire to get “the girlfriend experience” without an actual relationship? Is this usually a sign of committment phobia? Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

497 comments Add your comment

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
8:34 am

See this I just don’t get. Why not just get a girlfriend?

Yesterday the news was playing on the kitchen television and my 14 year old was sitting there eating his breakfast. The story aired about the guy that tries abduct women at bus stops and the have determined that his motive is rape. My son looked at me and asked “Why don’t he just get a girlfriend? She’ll have sex with him.” Wow. While we all know that it is much deeper than that in the mind of those sickos out there I couldn’t help but think to myself “yeah you would think”, before addressing the reality of the matter with my son.

That to say if you want the experience go buy into the source. A no strings girlfriend. And you know what I find even more interesting there are tons of women out there looking for emotionless, casual, unattached relationship. Heck we hear it on here nearly every other day from somebody. Women that desire certain benefits of a relationship sans the actual relationship.

LOL And I must admit I really thought this entry was going to go in an entirely different direction after reading the first few lines.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
8:46 am

“Why don’t he just get a girlfriend? She’ll have sex with him.” Whoa, out of the mouth of babes…

It seems to be an epidemic that some men/women don’t want to address the next level out of fear that they will be accused of rushing into things so say’ll if it aint broke don’t fix it. Most ppl in my circle are 33+ divorced a time or two and don’t want the logistics of a comminted relationship out of fear that it would lead to another marriage.

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
9:01 am

It’s finally Friday……ooh thank you lawdy….mornting blog fam :)

This is almost reminiscent of a “friends with benefits” situation but anyway a few years back I was “involved” with a guy who was not my boyfriend and we did everything couples did but just without the label. We had alot of fun and NEITHER ONE OF US wanted it to change. Anyhoo, it lasted for about a year when he had to move away and even after the move we still styed in contact…even swap no swindle it what I call it…..it is what it is and keep it moving. :)

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
9:10 am

Happy Friday party people! :)

See this I just don’t get. Why not just get a girlfriend?

From what I can tell, the only difference is by having the gf on “pay roll” you can better dictate the relationship terms.

But yeah, this whole concept is foreign to me. I’m in it to be fully engaged. Ups and downs and all.

Grace

May 1st, 2009
9:11 am

names of pseudo girl(woman)boy(man)/friend

tryst
fling
affair
sexual liason
platonic lover
romantic friendship
emotional affair
and our favorite friend with benefits

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
9:12 am

Sassy Let me ask you a question.

You’ve a clear jar. The jar holds a white substance. The substance looks like mayo. You open the jar it smells like mayo and it taste like mayo. So what is it? Mayo? Correct. Just because you remove the label it does not change or make void what it is. That’s how I feel about the so called “no labels” relationships. It is what it is. Labeled or Not. That whole no labels foolery is just foolery. Why do folks keep buying into it?

LOL I just needed to get that off my belly.

Rell - know dat

May 1st, 2009
9:18 am

in the words of the greatest trick of all time

we dont pay them for sex….we pay them to leave – charlie sheen

thats what men want…like RED said…control

men that pay for sex or engage in tricking or so use to losing they have to pay to win….nothing deeper than what it is..they dont have the guts or gonnads to engage that dime piece and successful woo her…so they pay for moist hole and septic mouth to make them feel good

but while we are on the girlfriend experience…have had a few larger women want to pay me for the boy friend experience…know dat

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
9:19 am

Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level. What do you do? Do you move on? Do you let them know that they are expecting the girlfriend experience?

This definitely fits several of my past relationships. Guys wanting the perks of a relationship but none of the responsibility. In the past I’ve chalked it up as dating and how not every relationship will get to the marriage stage, but I’ve had to recognize that many of these guys would rather take the easy way out and date indefinitely rather than commit. It’s my fault as well, as I allowed for it.

In each case, I’ve walked away, but it’s definitely something I’ve needed to work on. Just because I’m chill and don’t feel the need to bring up “where is this going” in every convo, doesn’t mean he gets what he wants out of the relationship and I don’t. Live and learn. Glad for the experiences.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
9:20 am

To fall settle for the “no label” is exactly what WiseDiva is talking about. I imagine people pay for the “experience” because they want to shuck the accountability that comes with relationships. They want the intimacy, they want the love, they want the physical but they don’t want to be accountable for anything done foul that could ruin a relationship.

Yet again I say, from what I hear more and more there are women and men willing to do that for free. Be your friends providing all of the relationship benefits yet without attachment.

mytw♥cents

May 1st, 2009
9:22 am

“Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship?”

WD I almost felt some kinda way about this question… like the day I wanted to slap the ish outta Blanca with the Reading Is Fundamental brick for somehow missing Staceye’s backstory. Over and over and over again. But then I re-read and yup, it clearly say Ladies – not just Mytwo… Maybe more of our lovely lurkers will emerge to respond. And since we have to mention Anthony everyday of this week, Hard to Breathe was playin when I read the entry. How apropos.

Ms. SASSAFRASS At least you sound like you’re usually an equal participant in that decision. So many women will accommodate the request when It Is Not At All what they desire. Then it’s never a good thing.

Atltwen

May 1st, 2009
9:22 am

Over the last few years, this has been an occasional circumstance of mine.

Like these single men of discussion, I get lonely occasionally after months and months of no dates – its not that we can’t get them, we actually get “hit on” enough to a have a healthy dating rotation. I had 1 direct and 2 indirect offers at a temp job I held for about 6 weeks recently. But most of the time, they aren’t the type of women I want to be or even hang out with.

And I tired of hanging out with women just for company sakes because invariably they want more. So (I) would rather hang out by myself. Friends often ask me, “You are always by yourself when I see out” and it lead to speculation that may “be playing for the other team.”

However, I wouldn’t pay 2 G’s for the “girlfriend experience”, though I understand it. I would use that money to hire a fantastic dating consultant who could set me up on dates with women of my taste. It is what the some celebrities do.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
9:28 am

Morning All!!!

It’s Friday, it’s Friday, it’s FRIDAY!!!!

On topic – I can’t answer all those questions – Diva, it’s Friday! Only one question allowed ;-)

I can say that I tried to have the boyfriend experience with this one guy. I found out that he was not the one for me, no marriage in site. But I wanted to go out every now and then, travel together, etc – but I did not want him as my boyfriend because I wanted to leave that space for someone that was marriage material.

I came to the ‘boyfriend experience’ conclusion after he and I traveled together. I enjoyed having a handsome man on my arm that would carry my luggage. I don’t get that when I travel with my girlfriends. Unfortunately he wanted a relationship so that really didn’t work out. Looking back on it – I shouldn’t have even made that proposal. Oh well, you live and you learn.

IT’S FRIDAY!!!

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
9:28 am

Good morning everyone! An emotional week for me, but here I is!

:lol: at getting it off your belly.

“Girlfriend experience” due to $$$….hmmm! Isn’t that what a lot are doing now? Is anyone dating anymore? From what I see, married folk are dating each other more than what we singles are doing.

LIONESS- Needs A Vacation

May 1st, 2009
9:28 am

Good Morning All :)

Dan

May 1st, 2009
9:35 am

Dating consultant? Wow..

Rell has a point, when you capable and confident enough to step to woman and express your interest in her, you really don’t have to pay strictly for an experience that is free. But I’ve had conversations recently with friends on this subject (a version of it, at least) and I just don’t get paying for sex.

But, when it comes to dating, yeah, there’s a certain sect of men/women that want the “benefits” with the strings. If both parties are comfortable with it, no prollem. But inevitably that situation never remains static.

In my current situation, I do have the opportunity to meet and “associate” with a number of women. Some become friends, some become more, some want more still. I do what I can, while trying to remain honest about the fact that, right now, “my schedule only permits the time we have, right now, so let’s just make the best of it and chill on the rest. If nothing else, we have these few hours together.”

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
9:38 am

Off Topic – This Bulls/Celtics series has been INTENSE!!!

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
9:38 am

@Raqi….that’s why so many of us (yes I’m placing myself here) are flying solo. Too much false representation with a whole lot of BS. Nothing wrong with those that want to play the field. Just stop acting like you’re not. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. This is my summer! :lol:

Atltwen

May 1st, 2009
9:41 am

Tazzee – I can say that I tried to have the boyfriend experience with this one guy. I found out that he was not the one for me, no marriage in site.

Not to pick on you or anything, but you said “I tired to have the boyfriend experience” but “no marriage sight.” That statement is an oxymoron. The whole point of the “experience” is to hangout, but not to have not have about the “M” word. This is the reason why the “experience”, female or male, is so hard successfully pull off. One person, 9 times of 10, eventually wants more than they are leading on – consciously or unconsciously; and usually it’s the female, BUT not always.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
9:42 am

Good Morning all,

I have had the girlfriend experience and the boyfriend experience. Girlfriend experience came from dating married men folks. Boy friend experience came from dating married men folks. As it has been said I didn’t want the responsiblility of the traditional relationship so I didn’t seek it out. Worked for me. I am sure this topic is going to go hella deep.

Frankly, I have no problem with prostitution..if that is a person’s “choosen” career path then hey go for it. Wisey you failed to mention that the star of that movie is a well-know porn star. (I read the article) and she choose porn as her profession as soon as she was legally able to participate. Per the article the young lady is 21 and has made over a 150 films(flicks).

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
9:43 am

Is anyone dating anymore?

Aw…of course Leggs. But yeah, there is a lot of muck to wade thru at times. :lol:

mytw♥cents

May 1st, 2009
9:45 am

RELL Somehow you’ve managed to cast a Trick – Hoe scenario on something entirely different. And you have several different explanations for you and larger women… what did you say once, if you see me with one it’s cuz she has a cute face and nice hair. Isn’t that part of the basis why any dude would be with any woman? And then the question remains why would one be seen with you? The justification is comical because if you go back, in the actual essence of the topic, you’d just be going along for the ride cuz you’ll take what you can get of her. And how could you offer a paid girlfriend experience if you’re no affectionate and admittedly are getting light bulbs every day for basic soft skills that should go without saying. You took a hiatus to go on some kind of journey but brought us back the same ol souvenirs.

O GREAT PREGO PHILOSOPHER Hmm, I don’t know about that Hellmans. Just cuz something is almost what you want it to be, if it ain’t – it just ain’t. You can allow yourself to call it what you want, but it’ll only be what it is. Like the situation mentioned with Tony G & his girlfriend… If they have all the functions of a marriage, but no marriage has been signed by either party, she can think of them as married, but are they really? Usually we’d say the woman is convincing herself of what she wants to BE, rather than focused on what really IS.

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
9:45 am

Tazzee that’s what escorts are for. LOL

SexyCool

May 1st, 2009
9:46 am

I’m ALL HAWKS ALL DAY!

Three Words Daily – Now You Know! (Let’s Go Hawks! Let’s Go Hawks!)

abc

May 1st, 2009
9:48 am

Prostitution is what it is, and calling something else doesn’t change it. A hooker that charges extra to be nice to you is still just a whore, regardless the ‘Girlfriend’ or ‘Boyfriend’ experience. The whole notion is just plain tawdry.

On the other hand, it’s something of a boyfriend or girlfriend experience with any friendship between opposite sexes. Sometimes it can be even closer than that. Women often talk to me about things I’d expect them to talk about with their girlfriends, or their man; I’m usually enjoying their company at lunch when they’re doing that. I just don’t charge them $2000 for it. They’re friends, after all — just friends, but the aura is still always there.

That’s why most people object to their SO doing things like that. It looks and acts too much like a duck.

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
9:50 am

Tazzee- Did I miss the game last night ?? Damn it!!!! Who lost a tooth this time?

Sybil

May 1st, 2009
9:52 am

What in dahell can you buy with two pennies?

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
9:52 am

Good morning folks! :smile:

Have you ever dated women who wanted “the boyfriend experience” without being in a relationship with you? How did you handle it?

I have dated a sista who wanted the boyfriend experience but not the commitment, it was great for me because I did not want it either so we had a good time together.

From some of the articles I have read a lot of the “quote unquote” boyfriend experience is from married men who are replacing the dating function they do not have with their wives. Business executives who keep high end call girl business going strong!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
9:53 am

Atltwen Perhaps I didn’t phrase that right – the reason why I relegated dude to just the boyfriend experience and not the boyfriend is because he was not marriage material. He was the one that was talking marriage and I knew that I could not marry him – but I enjoyed just hanging out with him.

Hope that clears things up.

Raqi I know, but escorts cost and I’m tight with mine ;-)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

May 1st, 2009
9:55 am

Kym Triple OT last night – Bulls won. Funny thing is, I’ve caught the last few games toward the end, so I’m not sure if the games have been exciting in the first 3 quarters :lol: I plan to watch the game Saturday from the beginning though.

Dan

May 1st, 2009
9:58 am

@My2

Aren’t all relationships about exclusively mutual interest? That is, each party wants something from the other? It’s the methods of procurement that manufactures the biggest problems.

In that, the relations that WD is talking about are cut and dry. No fuss, no muss.

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
10:00 am

@ARed, I was being somewhat facetious. I do realize ppl are still dating. That’s why I also posted :arrow: “Too much false representation with a whole lot of BS” which equates to your “a lot of muck to wade thru” :lol:

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
10:00 am

TwoLincolns No. I didn’t say it almost is or it looks like I said that it is. Therefore it is. Sassy said that they did everything that a couple does. The eggs, the salt, the oil. It is mayonnaise. Just because you remove the label does not change what it is. The ingredients make it so.

And as for Tony G??? No that is not a marriage. Without a license it is not a marriage. However you have folks that do have a license but say it is an arrangement. No it’s a marriage.

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
10:00 am

S special shout-out to my homegirl Tazzee! :wink:

The Boston-Chicago series is off the chain!

Mrs.Raqi I am sure you look goood in pants, so where them anytime you want! :smile:

Sassy: you are one keep it real, keep it moving sista! I likes dat! :smile:

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:04 am

I was being somewhat facetious.

I know Leggs. :)

Kym--Living for what passes as the weekend.

May 1st, 2009
10:05 am

@Tazee-Reading the highlights now on CNN. Allen had 51points. But baby boy Joakim Noah..was working it out! Love that guy!!! Alright let me put this on my blackberry so I don’t forget. Oh yeah Go Hawks!! Don’t shame us! The Fakecons have that on lock.

lurker

May 1st, 2009
10:05 am

What do think about men or women that pay for emotional intimacy?

Reversed tricking. A person seriously willing to pay that kind of money in having professional (being the operative word here) sevices rendered ask for the “all in” feel to accompany? Is it even possible to purchase an emotional experience? I mean aside from engaging in conversation and maybe a laugh or two, what else is there to give outside of what’s being bought? Think I’m missing something here.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:05 am

I feel bad for one of my co-workers. He got married on Saturday and he’s alreay back at work. His honeymoon was to Mexico. So much for that. :lol:

I guess he’s back so that he doesn’t waste vacation days he’s not using…

Cougar Hunter ( My, My, My)

May 1st, 2009
10:06 am

@Raqi you can do all the girlfriend/boyfriend experience but their is not commitment to each other and you can date other people maybe that is what Sassy is talking about!

@Tazzee were you only committed to this guy while you were going thru the boyfriend experience? Were you dating others while you was dating him?

Cannot will not pay an escrow for some booty! That costs more then dating! :wink:

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
10:07 am

Cougar Will you please make up your mind!!! See just for you I wore a sundress today with a ¾ sleeve cashmere cardigan. Make up your mind already.

My marido said it looks nice so I know you will like it. LOL

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:10 am

As suspected…the MOMania blog is talking about the BMW easter crash and how far you’d go to cover up a crime for your child.

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:14 am

Who the heck is “Sassy” is that supposed to be me? Y’all know I mainly look for my name in responses and not this other stuff y’all come up with. :lol:

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
10:14 am

@Rell, I see you’re a friend of Two And A Half Men! Great writers on that show and how they put a spin “sex.” Quite comical!

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
10:15 am

@ARed, see Sassy’s post at 9:01.

Leggs

May 1st, 2009
10:16 am

I meant “put a spin ON sex.”

AmazonRed™

May 1st, 2009
10:16 am

Thank you Leggs! It was in bold and everything too. This bagel is delicious, clearly that’s what’s getting my attention right now. :lol:

Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)

May 1st, 2009
10:17 am

Cougar that’s what’s up :)

Raqi

May 1st, 2009
10:26 am

Lurker I agree.

Maybe for them it’s just needing someone to make you feel special. Someone to sing your praises. Someone to validate your accomplishments and success. Someone to say I love you. Maybe that’s what they are paying for outside of the physical intimacy.

You know you often here of people complaining about their relationship or marriage being void of intimacy. Their spouse never has time to speak a kind word. Their spouse never has time to talk or listen to their daily happenings.

And I am just going to jump out there with this one, maybe it is that feeling of having someone whisper “I love you so much” during the love making. Maybe this is what folks are paying for.

When I read the first few lines about paying for the experience I actually thought the entry was going to be about people seeking the intimacy that their relationship lack outside of the relationship. We had an entry before about emotional cheating.

mytw♥cents

May 1st, 2009
10:27 am

O GREAT PREGO PHILOSOPHER Right on Tony. But we sometimes name things from our own perspective. I’ve asked for mayo before and been given Miracle Whip. When I raised my brow, I was told they’re the same thing. They are not! But they look the same and some believe they taste the same. Kinda like how folks will offer you a Coke, but they just mean a carbonated beverage. You end up with a nicely chilled Big K Cola. Sadly, I’ve endured both of these tragic scenarios in real life. Moment of silence…

PROFFESOR D IF all relationships are about exclusively mutual interests THEN it is revealed that what one party wants (commitment) will not be fully supplied by the other in full (nah, we just smash n grab) then have both parties actually procured what they sought out to? Or has one accepted terms which confirm they’ve gotten the GF/BF experience without an actual GF/BF to show for it? In that, the relations that WD is talking about is cut and dried.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

May 1st, 2009
10:30 am

WISE…”Ladies, do you ever meet men who want “the girlfriend experience” instead of a REAL committed relationship? I’m talking about the men that jockey for your time, attention, and all the perks that come with being their official woman. Yet avoid any discussions about commitment or going to the next level.” LAWD girl that is like every man I have met in ATL! :lol: Hell now I just want the boyfriend experience….that way I can ignore you when I don’t feel like being bothered. My girl has been in this situation for 2 years. I blame her because she keeps this guy in her life knowing he will never committ to her. I guess she keeps hoping on him having an epiphany one day. I told her if she gives him companionship, booty and emotional intimacy without the relationship…then what would he have to gain by removing his options to see whomever else he fancies? There goes that Milk & cow theory….

RAQI…your son is a child and is smarter than a lot of grown men! Shameful. Hey I guess he is to broke to pay for a hooker…this rapist guy!

” I just needed to get that off my belly.” Why…the baby doesn’t like mayo? :lol:

MY2CENTS….sniff, sniff..you so sweet! :lol:

KYM….I know I needs to take me trip to Chi-town….Derrick Rose is friggin’ gorgeous! :lol:

LEGGS…I love Two & Half Men. Great show. I told my Mami she is their mother and she fell out!

KIMMIE…paiging KIMMIE! WTH…did you see Private Practice? :shock:

Dan

May 1st, 2009
10:34 am

@My2

Well, yeah. Now were talking “time horizons” if he got the “girlfriend experience” and she got the “smash and grab”, they both got what they wanted. Only one was presuming a longer time horizon.