Are You Afraid of Flying Solo?
Good Morning! Today’s topic is courtesy of our fabulous “Sexyleggs”. I think she has a pretty interesting topic that would be great to explore. Have you ever heard the saying, “Better the devil you know, then the one you don’t”? What happens when fear of singlehood is the primary reason you are with someone? Check out what SexyLeggs wrote and join in the discussion.
Do you find that more and more people are staying in loveless, boring or even painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone? For those of you that stay, or know of friends that stay, could one of the reasons be that you see your “worth” being defined by your relationship or marriage?
Although I certainly DO NOT agree with this, I realize there are many people “stuck” in relationships and marriages because to leave would be a stigma to their family and to their belief system. They don’t want anyone to know that they failed at the institution of marriage. Are you one of those who fear starting over and deem it best to stay on familiar ground?
Some people look at becoming single as a phobia, so to speak. Why do you think the fear of being alone and venturing back into the dating world would have one break out in a cold sweat? Fear is our enemy and it has a hold on many relationships/marriages. Does it have a hold on yours?
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178 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
8:39 am
Morning all – I hope everyone had a great weekend and got outdoors with the fantastic weather!
Good topic Leggs.
WiseDiva, good to see you as well. But where is Blanca? Isn’t this her week?
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
8:55 am
Some of my gf’s and I have had this discussion. It’s not the fear of starting over, it’s the inconvenience.
I’m sure I could write a dissertation on it. I won’t.
It’s just that, like anything worthwhile, setting the foundation of a new relationship requires a LOT OF WORK. Oftentimes, it feels like it’s easier to attempt to repair what’s wrong in the relationship that you already have than it is to scrap the whole mess and begin again with someone new.
In the end, you really have to define dealbreakers. You have to know when to let it lie where it fell. You have to determine when you have really reach the point of irreconcilable differences and stop trying to reconcile them.
Good job, Leggs.
Three Words Daily – Know your motivation.
QC
April 27th, 2009
8:55 am
Morning all…The fear of being along is one fear I don’t have…
Hope you all have a great day!
Hey ARed
http://www.blackthen.com
QC
April 27th, 2009
8:57 am
Ok lol…that should read “the fear of being alone”
“QC now going to get a mountain dew so she can wake up”
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
8:59 am
I would imagine this happens quite often especially with individuals who have been part of a union for 20-30 years.
Sometimes we as people can become dependent on each other and the thought of going at it alone can be frightful. I think about those couples that married like right out of high school and find themselves parting ways after 30 years. They don’t anything or anybody else but each other. They became a union knowing nothing about life and relationships. Everything that they learned they did so with each other. For them there is nothing outside of that. Then for them to think about getting out there and being single again and starting over, I guess some would just rather tolerate and make the best of what they have and not be alone.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
9:02 am
On to the topic… yesterday I was hanging with my girls during the early afternoon. They asked me what I had planned to do for the rest of the day and I told them that I had a date, but I was going to cancel to do housework. I had been running hard all weekend without one moment for myself. I was tired and needed to get myself in order for the week. One of my girls immediate concluded that I must not be into the guy because I was passing on a date to do housework. It wasn’t further from the truth. I was very interested, but I knew I would be no good on a date if I were tired, cranky and my head was not in it. Sure enough, the guy understood and we were able to reschedule.
To tie it into the topic, had I had a fear or disdain for being alone and flying solo, maybe I would have felt a sense of urgency like my friend did. But it’s not a fear of mine, so that’s that.
And in terms of “starting over.” I don’t care for that, but I just wrap my mind around that every moment I spend with the wrong one, keeps me from meeting the right one.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
9:03 am
Morning QC!
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
9:10 am
I remember when my first husband was killed I was extremely frightful because he was my first and only love at that time. We had been together since I was 16, married at 19 and was married for 4 years. Not to mention we had a son. It was a horrible feeling. After about a year I didn’t want to be alone anymore and that want more than likely lead me to making a really unintelligent decision to be with the man that fathered my second son.
You just have to be careful. Fear can not only make you stay longer than you should but it can also lead to making bad decisions. Fear can blind you.
Wise Diva
April 27th, 2009
9:16 am
Good morning! Yea, AmazonRed, it is Blanca’s week, I am covering for her for a bit.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
9:30 am
Ok, still not able to breathe after finding out Ared is dating other guys. Anyone have a hanky?
Am on day 2 of a 4 day weekend. Can you believe I took off with the soul purpose of sleeping? I did. It feels so good to get a good nights rest.
Also, I had 4000 songs in my music collection and just picked up 17,000 more. Woohoo. This is some hot stuff. Spending all day getting it sorted and whatnot.
On a sad note, my dog training club has split up into 2 groups. Personality conflicts. One for sport and one for protection. Wait, thats not sad, nevermind. LOL
On topic: I’d rather be in a good relationship with me than a bad one with someone else. Solo is not a bad word, at least not for me.
Fear is just a mirage. Next time you fear something walk into it and it loses its power. Works every time. Unless its a high ledge, then I’d recommend living with your fear.
Update: One of my goals for Kuwait is getting back to a 31-32 inch waist. I’m currently holding at around 34 and heading south fast. Working hebrew hours with little food in the the desert heat does wonders for the figure. Who’d of thunk it?
Ared, though I’m not talking to you, I bet Blanca has hit the road. She was looking for an exit from day 1. She did make it longer than I thought though. Ok, back to no longer speaking to you.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
9:37 am
Truth
Glad you got some rest man. I know you deserve it and I know you can’t NOT speak to your little love muffin. Give me some suga.
BTW, do they have cheap ipods over there? The hard drive in mine is shot which means buy a new one, not worth the cost of repair. 17,000 songs? Egads. I don’t even like that many songs.
That’s hot tho.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
9:58 am
Amazon my weekend was good, that is during the hours that I was not trying to sleep. We have a tree about 5-6ft. away from our window and Saturday we found out a woodpecker has taken a liking to the tree. At first I thought it was someone working. I was lying there early Saturday morning thinking what in the world is that person thinking at this time of the morning. I soon realized it was right outside my window. Annoying. Totally.
I begged Mason to please go and get that thing out of the tree. He and the knucklehead went out and tried throwing gravy from the flower bed up at it. I guess one at a time didn’t work because I heard what sounded very familiar to the hail storm we had the other night against the window. I yelled at both of them to stop throwing stone before the break the window. Thankfully one of the stones must have hit or near the little pecker because he stopped. But as you know early, early Sunday morning there he was again pecking away at that tree.
This time they got the water hose and tried to flush him. Mason was standing at the window navigating while the knucklehead stood under the tree spraying the hose. I could him hear him yelling “dad I am getting wet” and Mase yelling back boy that water won’t hurt you, spray the bird. He was soaking wet when he came back in the house. LOL
I guess spraying it with the water hose helped because I didn’t hear it this morning.
I guess woodpeckers aren’t “afraid of flying solo” because there was only one in the tree and we all know that birds of feather flock together. (corny I know but I am back on topic now)
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
10:01 am
Good Morning All
Have a wonderful day!
Foots
April 27th, 2009
10:09 am
I agree with **SexyCool**, it is very inconvenient starting over. I will not stay in a miserable boyfriend-girlfriend situation or one that’s just not working, but I am willing now to work through minor issues, even some major ones, in a relationship that would have caused me to vacate a few years ago. I realized that these are skills I’d have to learn anyway if I was serious about being married one day. I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater anymore.
It is a LOT of work building a foundation with someone else, as she said. I’m perfectly willing to do it if I have to, but if what I have right now just needs a little tweaking, I’d rather put my energy into that.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
10:11 am
Shouts out to MELO!! You out there?
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
10:12 am
Blog fam!!!….what it do on a Monday morn’!!!
I’m afraid of GOD and my mother(when she’s angry cause she GOES OFF) and that’s about it. I’ve seen so many of my girlfriends stay with dead beat fools b/c they wanted a man around just that bad….they’d rather be unhappy with a man than be alone without one. Not me…if I’m unhappy being WITH you then guess what I’M OOOUUUTT.
I’d rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else….then we’d be two sad,mad fools together and lawd knows that ain’t good…
kimmie
April 27th, 2009
10:13 am
Morning Blog! I got a chance to partake of the wonderful weather this weekend. Took the kids to the Jonquil Festival in Smyrna and we had a good time. Did a little yardwork on Saturday and spent most of the late afternoon-early evening watching the 100 greatest hip-hop songs countdown on VHI with SO & one of his buddies. Brought back a lot of fun memories.
On topic – I figured out long ago that peace of mind means the world to me. Being in a relationship that is not firing on all cylinders is absolutely miserable to me! I did not really date for almost 2 years until I met SO, because I was drained from bad relationship after bad relationship. I went out on a few platonic dates and mostly hung out with family & friends. I had a blast – no worries, no “work”. I vowed the next person I got involved with would share my new philosophy – keep it easy & simple & all will fall in place. I hit the jackpot.
kimmie
April 27th, 2009
10:17 am
It is so sad to see people hanging on, long after it’s over. Yeah it’s a pain trying to get out and meet new people & start over, but may as well. If you’re in a bad relationship that is past its expiration date, you’re already alone anyway.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
10:20 am
I have a jack@ss employee in my office telling me it’s MY responsibility to call him and tell him that the FMLA paperwork that he requested THREE MONTHS AGO, but just turned in on THURSDAY is filled out incorrectly.
No – shthead. It’s your responsibility to fill the d@mn paperwork out correctly in the first d@mn place. Besides, you’ve had this doggone paperwork for three months. Now that you’ve decided it’s urgent, you expect it to be MY emergency? GTFOH.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
10:29 am
LOL SexyCool
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
10:32 am
Good morning everyone!
@SexyCool—->It’s not the fear of starting over, it’s the inconvenience. You are so right!
I am so tired this morning. Beautiful weekend and I felt I had to take in all the sun rays. Draging this morning, but I had fun. My dauther and I are taking belly dance classes and it was so much fun.
@ARed, I gave up a good afternoon card party of Bid Whist because I had to cook, do laundry and clean house yesterday around 5:00. My friend couldn’t believe that I was going home to do that on such a beautiful day. Heck, it was Sunday and I had to get ready for the week. My priorities (albeit boring) are in order.
On topic…I was fearful of starting over with an 11 year old, not fearful of being alone. My fear kept me “stuck” for many years. As with everyone of us, one day you just open your eyes and realize “I can do this” and the wheels of change are now in motion. No looking back and I’m happier than ever!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
10:41 am
Temporarily lifting my speaking ban on Ared. Electronics over here are more expensive than the states. They’re charging ridiculous prices for phones we get for nothing. Their knockoff electronics wouldn’t be recommended. Purses maybe but not electronics. Ban back in place.
Does anyone have the 3g iphone with 16gb? That phone is hot. If so what do you think of it?
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
10:51 am
I have just been reading some of the swine flu articles and have realized something. I should probably keep my rear in my office here at the airport to minimize any exposure to those who may have traveled to infected areas.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
10:51 am
for me it’s not fear.
**somethings missing**. like if i wear my nike’s w/o socks.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
10:56 am
LOL @ Raqi…that was a great seque back to the topic!
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
10:58 am
gravel not gravy. LOL I don’t think I am hungry but I could be. I need to proofread before pressing send.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
11:00 am
LOL Leggs I figured I better bring it on back in. It is still early.
mqew
April 27th, 2009
11:00 am
Merning peeps! I’ve never had issue with bailing out of something of a bad relationship. But, I’ve been married forever, well 12yrs, so bailing on someone in your twenties is as easy as burping
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
11:03 am
GREAT TOPIC LEGGS!!!!
WISE….I find that I have the opposite of this…I have the fear of being in a relationship! Anything remotely resembling one makes me freak out and feel like I will have a panic attack.
I do think it is not only sad but pathetic to remain in bad relationship for the sake of being with someone. These people need help. Why the fear of being alone? Most are born alone and you will die alone so are you that needy that you must have someone…ANYONE in your life? I know people like this and I just want to smack the hell out of them. Life is way too short to waste it away on someone unworthy of you/ I must say past experiences have mad me quick with the “foot in @ss” reflex to kick a to dude to the curb for being not want I desire to have in my life. Red flags are not ignored anymore. Bad relationships are like expired food…TOXIC! Know when to throw it away and keep it moving. Some women hold on because they had a baby with him. NOT a good reason. You made one mistake by being with him and getting pregnant. The child itself is not the mistake…but the fact of matter is now this person is a part of your life no matter what even if he is a deadbeat. But hodling yourself back from finding someone deserving of you because he is the sperm donor for your kid is a prison that you put yourself in…and what was your crime? Does is fit?
TRUTH….”Working hebrew hours with little food in the the desert heat does wonders for the figure” Well hell I need to be onver there, My waist if fine….it’s the booty I need to lose. So I’m coming!
BLANCA left????? Wow!
mqew
April 27th, 2009
11:06 am
I do have a male friend that absolutely dreaded trying to find someone new after he got a divorce from his 20yr marriage. He was always meeting a chick, but he dreaded the process of getting to know someone all over again and then them asking the questions, dealing with their trust issues etc. He hated it.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:09 am
single women, imo, are not scared to be single. it’s our choice. if we really wanted to, we can all be married . . . today! by tearing up those lists we cherish so much . . . that man is standing right in front of us.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
11:09 am
SEXYCOOL….woosa mami!
Don;t beat him down girl! 
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
11:11 am
Raqi – It took me a couple of reads before I realized you were talking about gravel and not gravy.
Leggs – So glad you are happier than ever. I was reading this back issue of Essence this weekend and there was this article on women who were smart, got tested with their partners, etc and their partners still brought gave them AIDS. Made me think about being single for the long term, albeit briefly.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
11:11 am
LEGGS…how was week two of your class?
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:12 am
most wives who won’t leave their husbands are being selfless. they know it’s not all about them.
when i left, it was selfish.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
11:12 am
I hate to bring up old stuff but…
http://www.tmz.com/2009/04/22/tyreses-prenup-ex-gets-nada
See now why you get ‘em?
On topic:
I agree with Ms. SexyCool, it is inconvenient to start a new relationship, but sometimes you gotta. Doesn’t make it any easier, but better to be alone and happy, than miserable with someone you can’t stand.
As far as staying with someone because of the stigma attached, I can actually dig that Ms. Leggs. There is (at least for me) a certain obligation to a person that you “spend time” with. And that obligation will keep you in something that is detrimental to you in the long run.
All of us (well maybe not Truth) have to remember that you have to learn to love yourself more than you love someone else sometimes.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
11:15 am
Staceye, they say most people here lose 20-35 pounds each summer based on being outdoors in 130 temps for 12 hours. I think we can come up with a better plan for staying slim than frying in the desert sun. PLus I dont think this country is ready for you. LOL
Beautiful, thats a pretty positve attitude. What would you have to change about yourself to become awifey?
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:18 am
**Why do you think the fear of being alone and venturing back into the dating world would have one break out in a cold sweat?**
the game has changed for the worst. while married she prolly seen what her single friends went thru with trying to find a man and thanked God she was in a relationship or married.
my expectations going into singledom were set high and i was knocked on my a$$ when i moved to GA.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
11:20 am
OMG, I thought you meant gravy and was wondering how the heck that was working. Meant to ask but forgot. That was too funny. Throwing gravy at a woodpecker. I’m tearing up just from laughing at that. I thought you were serious!
@Staceye, I got the hip action down pat (go figure). The routine she’s teaching us is off the chain. Of course lil leggs is a freaking quick learning…wassup w/these teenagers catching on so quickly. Any hoo…still having problems with the shoulders. I’m still trying to “isolate.” Easier said than done! Too much tension in my shoulders! Need a massage w/hot oils, and I’m not kidding!
@ARed, thanks. I too am glad I’m happy. Must admit, I thought of my marriage this weekend and smiled even wider knowning I’m done with that. Sorry, but I did! At that moment, lil leggs asked what I was smiling about and the quick thinker I need to be at times said, oh, nothing, just smiling at the line in the song! Great recovery on my part because Leona ??? was on the radio singing “Bleeding.”
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
11:22 am
Tell me about it, Staceye.
mqew
April 27th, 2009
11:22 am
Has anyone had to let go of a friend because of the trife “boyfriend” she had. I did. It wasn’t fun. But I couldn’t stand the always negative energy that their relationship imposed on me and mine. My SO got so tired of me talking about them that the subject of their tumultuous relationship was off limits. There relationship lasted entirely too long. Now she has a baby with him
I actually wasn’t the only one that she lost as a friend…
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:26 am
**What would you have to change about yourself to become a wifey?**
honestly, not much. there are three men right now that i see daily who i wouldn’t give the time of day to. just not my type. they adore me and if i let them, they’ll be eating right outta my hand.
when i meet a man i like, i get butterflies. i can’t sleep or eat. all giddy and smiles. none of them do that to me.
getting married is easy. finding my future hubby is tough.
For Real
April 27th, 2009
11:29 am
What up Blog Fam…..
I don’t think women fear being alone as much as they fear the happiness they are chasing.
Truth: You gonna be dark as Melo when you return. Dayum just when lightskindidt where making a coming back.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
11:36 am
@For Real
It ain’t just women that chase happiness.
Dudes are notorious for it and its the root cause of Simpin’.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:36 am
**Do you find that more and more people are staying in loveless, boring or even painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone?**
leaving a relationship is a lot of work. it’s easier to stay for most. do you have funds saved up for another place to stay? are all of the house bills in both of your names? do you own a house together? is the car you driving to get yourself to work his??? is the property/furniture you guys own both of yours? are your families tight like that? are the checking/savings in both of your names?
once she thinks about the above, she most likely will put it off till next year. then the next year . . . then the next. saving money is hard.
HOTHONEY
April 27th, 2009
11:38 am
” I’d rather be in a good relationship with me than a bad one with someone else. Solo is not a bad word, at least not for me.” I 2ND THAT
Foots
April 27th, 2009
11:45 am
Beautiful leaving a relationship is a lot of work. it’s easier to stay for most. do you have funds saved up for another place to stay? are all of the house bills in both of your names? do you own a house together?
Yeah, it’s a lot when you think about it in those terms, like ending a marriage. But for the types of relationships I’ve been in, it ain’t nearly that hard. You might have to block a number or two, but that’s about it. LOL!
That sounds like another strike against co-habitation for me. Why the heck would I entertain the possibility of having to rebuild my whole life just because me and my boyfriend broke up?
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
11:46 am
Ared, I’m lifting my non-speaking ban for today only. When you brought up that Essence article I thought of an inmate at the federal pen. He was a high ranking muslim and he had givenn his wife aids. When he tried to call her she wouldn’t take his call, quite naturally, and we’d wind up having to wup his azz. He got put in segragation for along time and eventually died. Thing is I cant imagine giving that to somebody you care for. Thats why I’m faithful to YOU.
Angie, leaving is easy as pie if you have a standard. Set your standard and enforce it. It doesn’t matter the excuse, if you start slipping I bounce. This is how people wind up in dead azz relationships, they give their mate a “pass” because they love them. Because I love you I’m keeping the heat on because if I let you slip up I’m gonna lose you. I’ll give you the best I have and you do the same.
For Real, yeah they have me on a high broil program. This is inhuman. LOL
Foots
April 27th, 2009
11:54 am
Anybody going to KFC today to get a piece of the Free Grilled Chicken?
Dan
April 27th, 2009
11:59 am
@Foots
1) Co-habitation isn’t bad as long as both people realize that as far as money goes, there’s an “us”, a “mine” and “yours”. It’s tough a lot of times to do that, because of the false notion that “what’s mine is yours” prior to marriage. So don’t give up hope, just think it through to both the good and bad outcomes and prepare for each.
2) Popeye’s had that $4 chicken joint last Wednesday, I thought I was going to have to file a missing persons report on like 10 family members, but all of ‘em were in line waiting on chicken. Go at your own risk (of waiting, cause Black folk love us some “free”)
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:59 am
@FOOTS
most let it get way beyond just changing a number when they move out. for instance, with me my whole world turned upside down. both families were devastated. all we were missing was the paper.
i learned my lesson. you keep yo place and i’ll keep mine until your name changes to mr. beautiful.
@MR. BEAUTIFUL . . . I MEAN TRUTH
**Set your standard and enforce it.** i did. you proud of me?
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:00 pm
@FOOTS
jr. asked me yesterday could we go. lol.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:01 pm
But for the types of relationships I’ve been in, it ain’t nearly that hard. You might have to block a number or two, but that’s about it. LOL!
That sounds like another strike against co-habitation for me. Why the heck would I entertain the possibility of having to rebuild my whole life just because me and my boyfriend broke up?
Amen to that Foots.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
12:06 pm
Foots – My bff’s dad has been planning today’s trip to KFC since last week. He is going to have it coincide with his weekly trip to the laundromat. That is too funny to me.
We have determined that KFC is going to be out of chicken by 1p.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:07 pm
not once did i look past him. not once did i ever imagine being with someone else. i got way too comfortable without the title. this is bad, really bad.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:10 pm
@SEXYCOOL
that’s hilarious! that piece of chicken ain’t free. your gas, your time and you’ll end up buying something else while you’re there. i’ll be kinda embarrassed to just get the freebie and jet.
DuShawn
April 27th, 2009
12:12 pm
“….people are staying in loveless, boring or even painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone?” Oftentimes, people stay not out of fear of being alone, but they’re trying to conclude is this a bad relationship or is this relationship merely going through a bad time. How much is too much? When should one give up and move on? I guess its contingent upon one’s threshold for pain and tolerance of bullshyt. I’m of the opinion that people are too quick to leave and start over. I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery. Through hardship comes strength.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:13 pm
Ared, I’m lifting my non-speaking ban for today only
Of course you are, pudding pop! I couldn’t stay away from you either.
Sad, sad story. I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone I cared for either. But I guess when you have a perceived death sentence, you don’t want to go out alone.
You’re the only one for me too, candy corn!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
April 27th, 2009
12:15 pm
Morning ALL (ATL for the next few days then back to DC)
First conversation…am getting to tour the White House next week. I was told that only about 1 -2% get to get in these days that apply.
On topic…personally I think it is both inconvenience AND fear of going it alone. With the exception of my ex-wife (who was being encouraged by her family, I know that the ladies that have dropped me when I thought we might be making it permanent, all left when a new ride came along. Maybe that is inconvenience, maybe fear, but I think it was both. Would they have stayed if they did not have an immediate option? Probably.
I do know that it is usually harder for a guy to go it alone than a woman. I see a lot of ladies that get a divorce and then go on a sabbatical for a year or two without even dating. The guys are often married in a year (and divorced in four or so but that is a different subject), because men are more needy than women (and usually dumber, but that is another topic also).
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:23 pm
**I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery**
i stayed an extra two months. does that count? i would still be in my home, but everyday there was something new poppin’ up.
how much bs should one take?
v103 is jammin’!!!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
12:28 pm
Ared, candy corn. lmao
Randy, as I stood in the heat all day saturday with 2 co-burners they both told me about their multiple divorces. I’m like wtf?? One said he got a notice 3 days after getting here, he came with me, about owing some ex wife some cash and he’s tryign to figure out where he can meet his fiancee because she cant fly into this country unless she’s married. Anyway, both were content with going from wife to wife.
I disagree on it being harder for men though. If you dont have to mail her checks for years feelings repair in a few months. Some chicks never get over it.
Dan, lmao at 10 family members in line.
Angie, thats Mrs Truth. Get it right. You know they found a food that kills a womans sex drive right? Its called wedding cake.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:28 pm
i got way too comfortable without the title. this is bad, really bad.
Yeah, but you got thru it and are still standing. And I’m sure you learned a lot so don’t beat yourself up about it.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:31 pm
I’m of the opinion that people are too quick to leave and start over. I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery. Through hardship comes strength.
DuShawn – I can get with that too. There is unhappiness and then there is disrespect. If you have a beater or a chronic cheater, get out. But if you’re just bored or wish he’d had something better than working at the loading dock, you’ll have to deal.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
12:35 pm
@Randy
I think for guys, it’s about “sackin’ up” mostly. Agreed that part of that is the desire to rush into something else to get over it, but for the most part, as men we aren’t allowed a year of sabbatical.
Between the single male friends and well intentioned female friends, you are “thrown” back into the pool rather quickly.
But like any loss, mourning is definitely warranted (for both sexes), just not as “acceptable” for guys (thus the thrice divorced).
@Truth
Yeah man, they were killing the A’s Popeye’s. What’s good on the other side of the world my boy?
THE MELO
April 27th, 2009
12:40 pm
Hey Gang!
Will not be in,in full force.
Hey Foots!!
In training for the whole week.
Have fun guys….
lurker
April 27th, 2009
12:44 pm
If it ain’t marriage, and you ain’t happy or there’s a breach of trust, I’d say pull up and move on. No officially unattached SO is worth unhappiness. I don’t do “do overs” and I’m of the cynical belief that easily forgiven offenders tend to have reoccurances. I can only forgive enough to not harbor hatred but never a second chance.
If it is marriage and there’s unhappiness or a breach of trust or stale, do what you can to salvage and save and restore. I tend to naieve believe that if you work to salvage save and restore, there tends to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
12:45 pm
TRUTH…you are right about Kuwait not being ready for all this?
ARED…back up off my hubby Truth!
Oh wait…I am the mistres….carry on then!
lurker
April 27th, 2009
12:46 pm
misery pales in comparison to singledom
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:46 pm
I am the mistres….carry on then!
I was about to kick you back into your lane, Staceye!
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
12:50 pm
Ok, I’m convinced I’m wired the wrong way. Although I understand handling the rought patchs in a marriage, because they are expected. I don’t understand why someone stays solely based on “obligation” all the while living a miserable life day in and day out for years on end. I don’t get that part. That’s not what the vows meant! Guess that’s why I’m not married now.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
12:54 pm
Dan, just alot of sand and dust over here. You know, where ever I’ve been in the world people are all looking for one thing, to make their lives just a little better.
Lurker, you must have been joking. WOW, I gotta shake my head to comprehend that one.
Staceye, baby, please dont come in claiming mistress status seconds after I’ve pledged my unwavering loyalty to Ared. That tends to make me look like I’m unfaithful.
Ared, this music is it. From old school to current hits. My computer is humming like a good radio station. I’m getting some speakers and a sub next time I go on base.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
12:55 pm
It is almost hot out there today.
Leggs I would say commitment more so than obligation. But then again I guess one would feel obligated to the commitment of the vows.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
12:56 pm
i’ll be kinda embarrassed to just get the freebie and jet
Not me. I won’t even ask for a cup of ice water to go with it. Just chicken….then tire tracks.
Dan So don’t give up hope, just think it through to both the good and bad outcomes and prepare for each.
Nah, my “hope” is not to live with a man who has made no commitment to me. I’d rather wait and live with my husband, or at the very least, my fiance a few months before the wedding. And only if there are circumstances regarding housing/finances that make it a good option.
DuShawn Oftentimes, people stay not out of fear of being alone, but they’re trying to conclude is this a bad relationship or is this relationship merely going through a bad time
Good point. Aside from obvious dealbreakers, as long as there is a desire to work things out to get through a rough patch, I’d say put your energy into that.
Amazon Good thing you brought up boredom. It was mentioned in the blog entry and I meant to say something about it. It can be funny how one side of the coin may be why someone chooses their mate (he/she would rather stay home and spend time than run the streets) and the flip side is why they break up (he/she don’t never want to go anywhere, this ish is boring). Boring can be spiced up, all it takes is a little imagination.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:57 pm
**Some chicks never get over it** why is this?
**don’t beat yourself up about it** lol. i’m not. i’m on topic.
did you catch TOUGH LOVE last night? whoa!
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:00 pm
**That’s not what the vows meant** there’s only two reasons to leave a marriage. and boredom isn’t one of them.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:01 pm
SexyCool My interpretation of the scene you set on Friday went off pretty well. I cooked, we watched Ray J’s finale while eating dessert, and then I slipped off upstairs to prepare. I sent him a text message that said “turn off the tv and come upstairs”. And it was on from there.
)
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:01 pm
Truth What part did you not understand? If you’re just a SO (i.e. void of vows), heck no I ain’t staying and living in misery. If I’m married, what’s the crime in giving it all you have? If you find, after all your efforts it doesn’t work, then do the needful. It’s simple. You’re the one that’s complicated.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
April 27th, 2009
1:02 pm
Afternoon folks!
Had a nice weekend.
Raqi I sat here for a little while trying to figure out what flower bed gravy was
On Topic – flying solo is quite easy for me. Like Staceye – it’s the relationship stuff that gets me skurred. That ‘Lions and Tigers’ song should be my theme song, LOL.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:02 pm
i swear the media is the DEVIL. i don’t believe this flu is that bad. the reports/numbers are inflated.
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
1:03 pm
I don’t understand why someone stays solely based on “obligation” all the while living a miserable life day in and day out for years on end. I don’t get that part. That’s not what the vows meant! Guess that’s why I’m not married now.
Leggs you and me both chile….just can’t do it. My mother stayed with my dad for a long time b/c she grew up without her father in the home and wanted different for her children. Later after their divorce I shared with her that we all(her included) would’ve been better off had she left that azzhole waaay sooner than she did.
He ain’t worf it Ms.Celie….he ain’t worf it.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:03 pm
I posted a long message and either the blog ate it or it’s in the spam bin.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Lurker with a bad attitude. i was referring to the misery pales in comparison to singledom. Its to early on a monday morning to be crabby.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Beautiful It may not be that bad, but I BET you that you could get a great seat on a flight to Cancun right now and have the whole side of the plane to yourself.
For Real
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Leggs: Define misery.
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:09 pm
Truth I feel marriage is worth the trouble in trying to salvage, habitual violaters being the exception. I mean seriously, if there’s a rough patch or things have waned over the years or you have a buttload of kids and the spark has died, yeah work to rekindle or revive. But if the demise is due to stick ‘em stan um, nope that ain’t changing and yes, I’m out.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
1:10 pm
Misery….no laughter, no joy, no life, no respect, taking one for granted, no voice, no laughter…to name a few!
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:10 pm
@FOOTS
yep, you prolly right! and they said there’s no cure. bs.
why are libra men so difficult? FOR REAL you a libra?
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:11 pm
Truth ummm, that was a statement. I’m actually good this bright afternoon. That’s just the way you’re interpeting…that’s on you.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:12 pm
tell her FOR REAL. that’s your mickey fickey fault!
do something bout it.
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
1:13 pm
i swear the media is the DEVIL. i don’t believe this flu is that bad. the reports/numbers are inflated.
Actually we’ve(CDC) already recieved some of the samples being collected around the country for testing and further diagnostics. It’s not out of control yet but it always has the potential to and the fact that there isn’t a reliable vaccine is another point of concern. Just like the “bird flu” the “swine flu” is bad b/c we(humans) can’t make antibodies to that virus since it didn’t originate in humans. However, the media can hype shyt up out of proportion at will.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:14 pm
**buttload of kids** lol.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:16 pm
Libras are weird people.. Male or Female..
**Putting on my blog vest ASAP**
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
1:16 pm
Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in working at your marriage if it’s workable. However, I’m not going to keep working at something that seems to be puttin me in an early grave. Misery and 6 feet under don’t jive w/me!
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
1:19 pm
the media can hype shyt up out of proportion at will.
It didn’t help that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano issued press releases calling it a pandemic. Media jumped on that over the weekend, and she was on TV all weekend explaining it.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:20 pm
@Truth
Man, I’m glad to hear you’re (halfway) enjoying it.
But you trying to break my vibe with that “finding happiness” mess – it’s called a mirror.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:21 pm
@PG
With the back and forth across the border, it can get pretty bad if we let it.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
1:21 pm
Lioness – I am a Libra. I will not disagree. LOL
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
1:22 pm
Truth
At least you are washing dishes while wearing only a towel on your head, don’t cook in that outfit. That could be dangerous.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:24 pm
@SEXYCOOL
can i ask what sign is coach?
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:25 pm
Sexycool-
lol@
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
1:26 pm
the media can hype shyt up out of proportion at will.
We just got an email from the head of our division asking for volunteers to go out to Cali.,New York and Mexico to help test for swine flu. I’m thinking about volunteering for the experience…might be interesting.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
1:27 pm
The only I would not work to save my marriage is when it becomes obvious that my husband is not putting in the work from his end. You cannot make a person stay that does not want to stay. But if we have issues within the marriage than can be cured but it just takes the time and effort to work at it then I am all for that.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
1:29 pm
Dan
I agree that it can become bad if we let it.
This just one area where I don’t blame the media too much. That’s a first
They blew the lid off the Peanut Corp of America stuff. I saw the pictures from that place over the weekend, disgusting!! Dead rats and mold everywhere.
Many folks not only got sick from that, some actually died from it.
I remember going to Guadalajara once. I remember folks telling us to not even eat the fruit. Folks were trying to sell us all kinds of melons and such.
Speaking of chicken (I see that some mention KFC & Popeyes) I got the freshest chicken that I had since my grandma while in Guadalajara. The chicken was running around when we got there, and on our table in 30 minutes.
It is a damned if you do and a damned if you don’t.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
1:29 pm
LOL Tazzee if it had rained then I would have left the statement as is and added that it was wet soil. But no gravy just gravel. And my nice white gravel at that.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
1:30 pm
Beautiful – The shthead formally known as Coach is a Cancer. (How fitting. LOL)
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:30 pm
i see now why the divorce rate is high.
(
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:31 pm
@SEXYCOOL
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
1:35 pm
The shthead formally known as Coach is a Cancer
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:39 pm
@PG
We both know its not altruism that drives the reporting, it’s ratings.
With the 24 hour “news” channels, they gone each try and one up the other til it becomes “Swine Flu Armeggedon”.
Ill thing is, Roger Cohen (sp?) wrote about this very thing (unhelathy practices in meat production) in upstate Philly about a month ago.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:43 pm
Off the topic but couldn’t help my self.. OMGoodness!
Dear Prudence:
I did something recently that concerns me on many levels. I am under a large amount of stress because I’m in an unhappy marriage (which we’re trying to work out) and because my company laid me off. I am under treatment for depression. A week ago, my doctor doubled the dosage of my antidepressant and, because I’m not sleeping well, he prescribed Ambien. On Saturday morning, I confused the vials and took two Ambien. I told my wife what happened and that I would probably sleep all day and went to bed. At around 10 p.m., my wife commented on how productive I had been: mowing the lawn, cleaning up, grocery shopping. I remembered none of this and said so. She said her only concern was that I left for “errands” and returned two hours later with nothing in hand. I talked to my doctor Monday, and he told me Ambien can cause amnesia and that some people have reported walking, driving, and cooking in their sleep. I know now what filled the missing two hours. This afternoon, I got a call from a woman who called me “lover” and asked when I wanted to come back. She called me her f–k buddy. This is a woman I had talked to only twice before in social situations. I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions. I do find her attractive, but I am stunned that I did something like this. My wife is vindictive, and if I say anything to her, it will end our marriage. I do not want to continue a relationship with the other woman. What should I do?
—Scared Sleepless
WTH??
http://www.slate.com/id/2216714/?GT1=38001
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
1:46 pm
Conspiracy I tell ya. Swine Flu…just another lab formulated disease to help the pharmaceuticals sell some more drugs.
But on the serious…if it really is coming in from Mexico they need to be watching those sneaking in out of those mirky waters.
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:46 pm
NYC that piece came from a comic book I’m sure
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:50 pm
to all the Beyonce’ haters. i heard all good thangs about the movie. giggle. RW and i are going wednesday night. can’t wait.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
April 27th, 2009
1:51 pm
@Truth and Dan…I just never could understand why dudes get married that soon again unless it is neediness. Hellz, why buy when you can rent a whole lot cheaper? As I have said before, “marriage is the most expensive ‘free piece of azz’ you will ever encounter”.
As odd as it sounds, some of the best marriages I’ve seen are the arranged marriages by some of the Indian couples I know. One guy I worked with several years ago met his wife to be only 72 hours before the wedding (he did confide in me that he did have a “right of refusal” with his Dad though). She was beautiful, they had two kids they truly adored, and since divorce was not an option, they went into it with the understanding that they would MAKE it work. I work with a guy now who is from one of those cultures. He is getting married to a lady that his parents arranged. He told me that he tried it on his own in college and it was a bust (divorce) so he was letting his parents pick this time. She is a doctor, dayum attractive, and he flew over to meet her and liked her a lot. I suppose when there is not an escape route, you try harder.
Seemed strange to me, I wouldn’t trust my Mom and Stepfather to help me pick lunch, must less something like that…but it seems to work.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
1:51 pm
Cool, being a cancer I’m totally offended and want an apology.
Dan, no mirrors needed. Man ‘im always going to be doing good til they lay me down.
Here’s the my take on this whole stay/leave then. I know what happiness is and when I see things have changed I know where the source is. If its a mate then I look to see if this is short or long term. If its long term the answer is simple. If short term I deal, to a point.
Life is short and I’m not wasting years trying to work someone through some bs that should have been resolved. fix it or move out.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:52 pm
For those interested (movie lovers, sports fans, etc)
http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117940136.html?categoryid=31&cs=1
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:53 pm
Lurker- LOL!! Actually, one of the sales guys @ my job took an Ambien and was caught riding the elevator down to the lobby in the hotel where our sales meeting was being held in his tighty whiteys.. That stuff is NO joke!
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
1:57 pm
Truth – Of course I meant that from the literal definition of the word and not the actual characteristics of the sign. LOL.
kimmie
April 27th, 2009
1:58 pm
Randy – I’ve seen that too with the arranged marriages. I think if my parents would have arranged a marriage for me, on the surface he probably would have seemed like a great catch, but it would be just my luck that he turned out to be a dud. Set-ups never worked for me, so I have a feeling an arranged marriage would not either. I don’t need my family all up in my business anyway.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
April 27th, 2009
1:58 pm
Re the Ambien…I wonder if an ex-boss of mine took that stuff then.. He had an amazing ability to make us promises about bonuses if we worked really hard with a lot of unpaid overtime. Strange but he would conveniently have no recollection later (SOB), LOL. I always assumed he was a true schizophrenic, but it maybe it was the Ambien,LOL.
What was the line in “What About Bob”…”Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I”.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:58 pm
@Randy
The 2 or 3 cats that I directly know of that got married less than 6 months after the divorce, ended up doing what we all do, watching for the “tell tale” signs from the “last one” all while completely ignoring the blaring new signs that this chick is crazy.
I don’t think it was neediness, just them misusing the “get over the old one by…”. Finally had to tell these cats, you married your “rebound” chick. That’s bad dealin.
@Truth
Yeah man, happiness is internal and extends outward. People that actively try and ruin mine get dealt with severely without breaking a stride.
The easiest thing in the world to do is “be happy”.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
1:59 pm
to all the Beyonce’ haters. i heard all good thangs about the movie.
EVERYONE I know who saw this movie hated it. Men and women and several Beyonce fanatics. I was shocked how mad everyone was at it.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
2:00 pm
divorce was not an option they went into it with the understanding that they would MAKE it work
Randy that right there says a whole lot. I honestly believe that a lot of marriage fail and dissolve because of the easy out that is on the market now. And it’s in the mind set. Folks marry stating the “until death…” but in the back of their minds lingers the out clause should they get bored or tired of making the union work.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
2:02 pm
@RANDY
your 100% correct on arranged marriages.
@SEXYCOOL
i met a libra saturday and i’m a cancer. not good. but he gave me butterflies. wwjd?
For Real
April 27th, 2009
2:04 pm
Leggs: “no laughter, no joy, no life, no respect, taking one for granted, no voice, no laughter…to name a few!” – Now out of the few you named which ones are you not responsible for?
Beautiful: I’m a Gemini with innocent eyes and a child-like smile.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
2:06 pm
For REal- Now I know why you are so SPECIAL
lurker
April 27th, 2009
2:07 pm
Lioness Hey, I’m getting Ambien on the way home…LOL
Dan
April 27th, 2009
2:07 pm
@Angie
I was a Beyonce hater, till “they” sent me a video of her dancing…and a wardrobe malfunction…priceless
As far as her acting skills, until I see better, my hatred remains intact
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
2:09 pm
LIONESS…that Ambien is no joke. I have trouble sleeping and I was put on Ambien and was told about the many conversations and things that I had done but I had not one memory of doing them. Ambien is serious. I am already a sleepwalker and my parents said when I was home last July 4th that I go tup ans started having convos with but bursting into their room and just start babbling incoherantly. Thank God no one said I had sex while I was on it. Now I just deal wiht my sleeplessness.
BEAUTIFUL….I refuse to pay money to see Beyonce’s non-acting @ss! She takes roles that should be for the Black Actresses who can really act. Sanaa could have easily done that role.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
2:10 pm
kimmie in those countries where arranged marriages are the norm, I would think those parents put a lot of thought and effort into choosing a mate for the child. I imagine family history, wealth and genes are probably taken into account.
And then those nationalities tend to raise their kids to be proper wives and husbands. They are raised to honor their family names and a failed marriage would bring disgrace to the family. On both sides. They are given a proper way of thinking as it pertains to marriage. The man knows his role and the woman knows hers.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say all arranged marriages work out. But I would guess if they remained in their countries abiding by the laws of their land and religion the majority of them last.
I heard a Mexican lady say once about not bringing her kids here for fear of being tainted by the American Way. Something like that she said. I didn’t agree with her but I understand what she was saying.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
April 27th, 2009
2:11 pm
Dang I was hoping For Real wouldn’t respond to that question – it was only a matter of time before someone made a comment about us Geminis
Obsessed – I still want to see the movie but it has NOTHING to do with Beyonce’ hmmm, Idris…
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
2:14 pm
**Now out of the few you named which ones are you not responsible for?**
@LEGGS
you’re up!
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
2:15 pm
Staceye- WOW! My ex was a sleepwalker, talker, fighter etc.. Scariest shiznit EVER!! He would get up and be sleeping in the bathroom on the toilet.. WTH? His was the cause of any sleep medication either..
Lurker- LOL!
kimmie
April 27th, 2009
2:15 pm
Raqi – Yeah, you could not go into something like that with the “American Way” of thinking!
For Real
April 27th, 2009
2:16 pm
For Real now in Sam’s buying gang of Ambien.
For Real now showing Lioness his special gift.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
2:16 pm
@Staceye
Sanaa would’ve murdered that joint. Tajari would have killed it too (from sweet to territorial) has Ms. Henson written all over it.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
2:18 pm
Dan- I agree! Kerry Washington too..
For Real- Interesting..
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
2:23 pm
Beautiful – Jesus would judge him by the truth of his character.
JoyFulOne aka Sidelines
April 27th, 2009
2:27 pm
“What was the line in “What About Bob”…”Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I”.”…too funny!!!!
@AmRed…”EVERYONE I know who saw this movie hated it. Men and women and several Beyonce fanatics. I was shocked how mad everyone was at it.”
I’m defintiely one of those people, smdh. I’m not a big Beyonce’ fanatic, but I really do like her and her style, she is definitely doing the dayum thing…but, I could have gone to see the Soloist instead and waited for Obsessed to come out on bootleg, just my .02
@Raqi…”I honestly believe that a lot of marriage fail and dissolve because of the easy out that is on the market now. And it’s in the mind set.”… I totally agree, especially in today’s society. I am ecstatic to see couples who have been together for many years and totally sad when I hear of friends of mine who were married and thought that they were the epitome of what marriage should be are no more. I guess that I can count my marriage as being one of those shocking divorces, but I too stayed in too long (5) years because I had 2 boys and was afraid of whether I could handle it on my own. But, that was 15yrs ago and it was the best decision I could have made and try to warn folks whom I hear sounding like me many years ago…to not feel like your doing your kids a favor by staying in it because your not teaching them what a healthy relationship is about…your doing the exact opposite. You live and you learn…sigh!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
2:28 pm
Raqi, the divorce rate here is 40% because men marry and have kids then divorce her for younger mates. At around 30 he looks to trade in the old wife. Things is he still takes care of his kids and wives. Divorce is looked down on but still done.
Your right about them being “taught” to be mates. They have everything they need when they get married, except longevity that is. lol
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
2:34 pm
@For Real, out of the few I’ve named, I’m responsible for all of them and that’s exactly what I did! NEXT!
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
2:36 pm
Truth I thought polygamy is the norm there. Instead of divorcing the wife just bring in another. And I knew they divorced over there I just the rates were more like 15-20%.
Ask one of you desert friends a question. In a matter of a polygamous marriage does the first wife and her offspring have more rights and get more benefits than the ones that follow?
JoyFulOne aka Sidelines
April 27th, 2009
2:39 pm
@Stace…yeah, I agree with you Sanaa would have tore that part up!!! No doubt… And, DAN, your right too, Taraji Henson would have done that part justice as well.
@Stace…Girl, I told you how 2 of my girlfriends been on my youngest since they’ve met him. And still asking about arranging our kids marriage!!!!
ON AMBIEN: Thinkin’ back…that would explain all those middle of the night sexcapades with my ex…hmmmmm, but it was good though!!! lmao…
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
2:42 pm
Dan
I agree the news channels aren’t doing it solely for the public’s benefit. However, if you know the Headline news replays everything every 30 minutes why watch it for an hour? You’ll keep on hearing about it over and over. I limit my exposure of actual newscasts to about 1 per day. I don’t need to keep hearing the same thing over and over. Whether its about the pig flu or how Al Davis royally mess up the Raiders draft this weekend, I only need to hear about it once.
I also make a point to not watch news in the morning, I don’t want to start my day with talk of murders, armed robbery, etc. Or some UGA professor that lost it, killed his family, and got away.
I’d rather start the day with some lighter stuff.
My point is they can show it, but I don’t have to hear about it unless I pay attention.
Angie
Believe it or not, I actually saw that Tough Love show last night. He kicked some chick out. I don’t know their names, but I’ve seen her before on it. She has serious problems and I believe that he did the right thing. She needs to be a patient on HBOs “In Treatment”.
I also saw the Kardarshian’s show last night. Kim’s sister was kicking her boyfriend out because she saw him with another woman. It was a surprise for her that her man and Kim was working on.
The things that I am willing to watch when I am tired of reading about easements and mortgages
AR
I heard bad things about Obsessed too.
I may still go see to support Will Packer and Rainforest Films. He is trying to do his thing. I heard that he originally wanted Ms. Henson, but she was not available. She was working on another film.
P.S. Staceye, if you wanted to be an actress (either on film or theater), you may want to look him up (if you haven’t. Will Packer and Rainforest Films is right here in the ATL.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
2:46 pm
For the record, when I asked about “boring”, I was talking about relationships, not marriage. No need to stay in a boring relationship, but some do!
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
2:48 pm
Speaking of Sanaa…we watched Raisin In the Sun on BET yesterday. That is the first movie in a long time that we have watched as a family. There are movies that I allow my son to watch but I will not watch with him. But that movie is one that we all can watch together. They should have found someone else other that Sean to play that part. It was an excellent movie but he was not that convincing playing that role.
I like what Phylicia Rashad said about a man not being able to be at peace in his own home. My dad used to have a saying about home is where a man finds rest and his wife her haven.
Home should be the place where you escape the madness of this world. Leave the battles outside the door.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
2:57 pm
Raqi, I dont believe in this area that polygamy is a big thing officially. Its more like get married and have affairs while the wife “looks the other way”. A native kuwaiti told me about the divorce situation. She’s 25 and knows her window is closing fast. At 30 over here you’re through, earlier if your not a virgin.
This culture is set up for the man to enjoy himself. But he must take care of his responsibilities or it gets ugly quick. I dont think there are many deadbeat dads here.
Almost none of the traditional families allow marriage unless the families approve. She told me she cant marry without her pops nod. There is a new wave of younger families thats bucking that tradtion, westernized I guess you could say.
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
April 27th, 2009
3:02 pm
Raqi…I hastily read your 2:48 post and first thought you had written “leave the batteries” outside the door. My bad but gave the whole thing a new twist for sure. LOL
I worked with a guy whose wife was a close friend to a lady I had noticed on Match.com. He confided in me that his wife had told hime her boyfriend at the time had bought her a “rabbit” (some kind of a specific “toy”). Apparently that thing would have her screaming in just a minute or two. I started to try to connect with her (thinking about her, me, and the “rabbit”, but thought she might be too high maintenance. Still a heck of a visual though.
Anyway, sorry for the mistake but thanks for the memory even if it was only a visual.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
3:02 pm
There’s also an african saying that goes something like ” dont trust a man that cant control his woman”. Kinda along the same lines.
Staceye, did I just see you swallow some hateraid on Beyonce?
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
3:03 pm
Al Davis royally mess up the Raiders draft this weekend, I only need to hear about it once.
PG – Just when I had stopped fuming over it. It was so funny watching my friends on Facebook. They were all like “yes, we’re gonna get Crabtree!” followed by a whole lot of cursing Al Davis when he passed on him. LOL
Desperate Women Seeking Men?
April 27th, 2009
3:08 pm
I believe women will consider compromising their standards before the men. I know an individual who met someone who recently separated. As a matter of fact, this guy had just moved into his own place a few days prior to meeting. She clamped to this guy so quickly, it would make your head spin. She’s hoping that he would marry her soon. As of today, three years into the relationship, he has not proposed. Although she’s desperate to marry, she thinks it’s better than not having anyone at all because she’s been waiting too long.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
3:12 pm
@Truth, Staceye doesn’t have any kind words for Beyonce!
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
3:12 pm
Truth there is some good and bad is what you stated.
BAD “set up for the man to enjoy himself” – That reminds me of when I saw a special on some places in Africa that mutilate their women’s genitals so she can feel no pleasure when it comes to sex. Sexual pleasure is only for the men. And they say with women have not sexual pleasure she will be less likely to cheat on her husband.
GOOD” “I dont think there are many deadbeat dads here” – As should be here more. In those places they honor their children as their future.
GOOD AND BAD: “unless the families approve” – Like I was saying to Kimmie the history and whatnot of the families are closely examined to see if said individual would be a benefit or snare as an addition to their family. However it cancels out a lot of people actually being able to marry someone they have come to love outside of marriage. But really in countries that approve arranged marriages I don’t think the two are allowed to date casually anyway. But when has that stopped anyone.
You know like 60-70 years ago in some cultures when the young man married a virgin the sheets/linens that held the evidence (blood) from her hymen being ruptured had to be showed to his mother. My grandmother told me that when I was like 14 years old.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
3:20 pm
@DWSM, he knows she wants to get married and he’s not going to propose until he’s ready, if ever.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
3:21 pm
AR
The Crypt Keeper aka Al Davis is holding the Raiders hostage.
On the flip side, I like what the second Raiders pick said the Kiper. “This will be motivation for my whole career. I will tape a picture of Mel Kiper, Jr in my locker.”
I liked that attitude for motivation only slightly less than Michael Oher. I will root for that guy even if I don’t root for the Ravens. He went from being a teenage rhomeless, abandoned (mom was a drug addict) kid sleeping outside by himself in Memphis, to being a first round pick in the NFL.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
3:23 pm
AR
Crabtree will still be in the Bay area. Just not wearing Silver and Black.
Actually, Playing for Mike Singletary will probably be better for him than Tom Cable. Singletary is a legend, and won’t take any crap. Cable is just a spaceholder until the end of the season when Raiders do their annual coaching change.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
3:26 pm
LOL Randy yeah leave those outside the door too. They have no place. JMHO
I was going to post something else but nevermind.
lurker
April 27th, 2009
3:28 pm
DWSM…would that be you?
Dan
April 27th, 2009
3:42 pm
@PG
I hear you bruh. I watch it for entertainment mostly these days. I get my news online. And if you haven’t seen it, watch Frost/Nixon, great flick.
I was kinda mad that the Falcons didn’t get Manu….from USC, that dude is beast. And can cover ground.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
3:57 pm
Dan
I can’t argue with anything that the Falcons did this weekend. Wonders never cease!
Once they got Tony Gonzalez, they were pretty much set on offense. Per-ray (that is how it is pronounced) Jerry is a beast. He is “sleeker” and younger version of Grady Jackson. Great football teams are made from the lines out to the “skill” players.
On another note, Jason Campbell should have seen it coming. Redskins signed Chase Daniel today as an undrafted Free Agent.
It will be hard for me to sympathize with Matthew Stafford as he gets to know Ford Field’s Turf and Ceiling. Heck, I’m willing to come out of retirement and take that licking for $41 million dollars. I can lay on the floor and look at the ceiling for half that!!
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
4:04 pm
Dan
Frost/Nixon was pretty good and I liked “Milk” too.
For me, I work in the legal field and get to hear and see catastrophic things all day long.
For example, I’m looking at pictures from a fatal wreck on I-75 a few year ago. There are pictures of the deceased’s splattered brain all over the interstate. Her family is suing the Honda because the car’s design may have been what made the accident into a fatal accident.
Another case was funny though. I’m looking a pictures of a car accident where a tractor trailer hit a Jaguar and gay porn came flying out the trunk. It was all over Covington Highway including fake “members” and pictures of naked men, and rainbows flags.
anonymousella
April 27th, 2009
4:05 pm
ha! i’m the exact opposite. i’m much *MUCH* more comfortable by myself that i am in relationships. in fact, i’m freaking out on the inside right now thanks to my current relationship. don’t get me wrong, my last breakup hurt like a steel-toed kick to the teeth. but singlehood is and has been pretty good to me.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
4:21 pm
DAN…you are right..Taraji would have did excellent too.
SIDELINES…you had better watch your son girl!
Ole boy is engaged and don’t even know it!
POPPA…I think Rain Forest Films is one on my My Space friends. I have seen a lot of their movies.
TRUTH…hateaid…never I am all about giving a sista props when they are desrving. As a singer/performer…yes I liek her. But she is a bloddy robot when to comes to acting. She has no personality to me. Just stiff!
“There’s also an african saying that goes something like ” dont trust a man that cant control his woman”. ” I say don’t trust a man who tries to control his woman! He has issues and needs help!
POPPA…I got extra happy when the Falcons got Tony G….he has been my NFL crush for years. Osi Umenyoria is my other one.
Oh My Gawd! 
Dan
April 27th, 2009
4:24 pm
@PG
I sat there transfixed by the mind games that Nixon was playing on ole boy and the 3rd act was masterful.
That’s the closest I’ve come to actually going to the store for an LSAT book since “Define is.”
It was just a great movie. I’ll try “Milk”, but man…
About Stafford, he got all that upfront money, because everyone (including his agent) knows that Lions organization isn’t worth anything. The ceiling and floor, man he’s lucky to make it through the season, even with Culpepper starting.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
4:26 pm
Staceye
I got extra happy when the Falcons got Tony G
Well, apparently, you will have to get in line. About half of my wife’s linesister (including some married one’s) have a thing for him.
On the flip side, his wife isn’t bad on the eyes either. They are your quintessential “pretty couple”.
This morning 790 did a whole segment on “how hot Tony G’s wife is” . The phone calls were blowing up. Go figure.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
4:31 pm
Raqi, what americans do would be outright disgraceful over here. They take care of the women but if you buck you got absolutely nothing coming. Let a chick over here screw some guy because she loves him. She’ll be an island. They’re families are really tribes going back 100’s of years so when you make the family look bad they all look bad.
About the sheets, in ancient europe they actually had a group of people in the chambers to verify that the marriage was consumated, which was a huge thing then. Can you imagine folks in your chamber on your wedding night laughing because your sex is wack? Its your first time.
Is it possible to disown the Raiders if you were born and raised there? This is embarassing. To think the Atlanta Falcons are better than the Raiders is shameful.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
4:34 pm
@Truth
If you haven’t disowned the Raiders yet, I question your whole dating philosophy? j/k
What kinda standard do have for the Raiders? And how many times have they broken it? And you still a fan…..?
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
4:35 pm
his wife isn’t bad on the eyes either
PG – You mean his “wife.”
Desperate Women Seeking Men?
April 27th, 2009
4:39 pm
LOL! No, it’s not me! But thanks for asking.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
4:42 pm
Or maybe wife*
DuShawn
April 27th, 2009
4:44 pm
I know of no guy that’s afraid of being single. I recently had a discussion with a close friend. He was in the dog house with his wife for hanging out too much. He didn’t want to go home, because he didn’t want to hear her mouth. My advice was to go home and face the music. That’s my dog, but he was really violating and I know his lady was on the verge of leaving. I told him, they have been together for a long time. He needs to quietly and humbly receive that inevitable verbal thrashing, make up, spend some quality time and work at keeping their thing together. He took my advice, I spoke with him a few weeks later, he had just surfaced from the dog house, they were about to go to the movies and were doing well. He went on to say, thanks for the listening ear and if our wives were to leave, who else would put up with our old, trifling, azzes. Implicit in what he said, was that we don’t fear being single and starting over, but we no longer have they energy or patience to date/interview. We’re no longer lions in the wild. We’re more like lions in the zoo. Our hunting days are over. Now, we just lay around, wait to get served and occasionally roar.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
4:47 pm
Dan, cut me and I still bleed silver and black. We will rise again.
Staceye, I loved Beyonce’s shazaam line in Austin Powers. She wasnt stiff. i cant believe your hating. How did the heffa go? lol
Also,if you look at history women have always been controlled to prevent exactly whats happening in america now, the breakdown of the family unit, which is necessary for continued growth. While all these chicks complain about men this and that remember every dude had a chick volunteer to get under him, even if he didnt promise her a thing. In a strong family a woman is forced to control herself so she can remain a part of the unit. its wild when women complain about men when the simple solution is just close your legs and the marriage, faithfulness, family rate would all shoot through the roof. So no, you cant be controlled but then you’re forced to live with your own works and we’re seeing how thats working out. Luckily we have each other so thats not a concern. Now go make me dinner.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
4:50 pm
Truth
Is it possible to disown the Raiders if you were born and raised there? This is embarassing. To think the Atlanta Falcons are better than the Raiders is shameful.
Sure, Kym disowned the Falcons and she is a native. I am a native and they aren’t at the top of my list, either. But it seems that the Falcons have finally gotten it together.
Truly, the Eagles are the only NFL team that I dislike. I can’t stand Philly fans so I can’t root for Philly teams.
AR
PG – You mean his “wife.”
Her name is October. I know some people named June, April and even May. She is the first person that I’ve heard named October.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
4:51 pm
TRUTH…it went well.
I wore a tribal costume. 
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
4:53 pm
PG – I meant, that’s his wife in name only. He had a commitment ceremony, but refused to sign anything that made thier marriage legal, like a marriage license.
That was good enuf for her.
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
4:57 pm
AR
Well, he and Jose Conseco’s wife had a thing going on even while she was still married to Jose.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
5:01 pm
Yeah, I think Big Poppa missed that whole conversation last week about October not really being wifey…
Wise Diva
April 27th, 2009
5:02 pm
Thanks again Ms Sexyleggs!