Are You Afraid of Flying Solo?
Good Morning! Today’s topic is courtesy of our fabulous “Sexyleggs”. I think she has a pretty interesting topic that would be great to explore. Have you ever heard the saying, “Better the devil you know, then the one you don’t”? What happens when fear of singlehood is the primary reason you are with someone? Check out what SexyLeggs wrote and join in the discussion.
Do you find that more and more people are staying in loveless, boring or even painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone? For those of you that stay, or know of friends that stay, could one of the reasons be that you see your “worth” being defined by your relationship or marriage?
Although I certainly DO NOT agree with this, I realize there are many people “stuck” in relationships and marriages because to leave would be a stigma to their family and to their belief system. They don’t want anyone to know that they failed at the institution of marriage. Are you one of those who fear starting over and deem it best to stay on familiar ground?
Some people look at becoming single as a phobia, so to speak. Why do you think the fear of being alone and venturing back into the dating world would have one break out in a cold sweat? Fear is our enemy and it has a hold on many relationships/marriages. Does it have a hold on yours?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
178 comments Add your comment
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
11:59 am
@FOOTS
most let it get way beyond just changing a number when they move out. for instance, with me my whole world turned upside down. both families were devastated. all we were missing was the paper.
i learned my lesson. you keep yo place and i’ll keep mine until your name changes to mr. beautiful.
@MR. BEAUTIFUL . . . I MEAN TRUTH
**Set your standard and enforce it.** i did. you proud of me?
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:00 pm
@FOOTS
jr. asked me yesterday could we go. lol.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:01 pm
But for the types of relationships I’ve been in, it ain’t nearly that hard. You might have to block a number or two, but that’s about it. LOL!
That sounds like another strike against co-habitation for me. Why the heck would I entertain the possibility of having to rebuild my whole life just because me and my boyfriend broke up?
Amen to that Foots.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
12:06 pm
Foots – My bff’s dad has been planning today’s trip to KFC since last week. He is going to have it coincide with his weekly trip to the laundromat. That is too funny to me.
We have determined that KFC is going to be out of chicken by 1p.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:07 pm
not once did i look past him. not once did i ever imagine being with someone else. i got way too comfortable without the title. this is bad, really bad.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:10 pm
@SEXYCOOL
that’s hilarious! that piece of chicken ain’t free. your gas, your time and you’ll end up buying something else while you’re there. i’ll be kinda embarrassed to just get the freebie and jet.
DuShawn
April 27th, 2009
12:12 pm
“….people are staying in loveless, boring or even painful relationships because they’re afraid of being alone?” Oftentimes, people stay not out of fear of being alone, but they’re trying to conclude is this a bad relationship or is this relationship merely going through a bad time. How much is too much? When should one give up and move on? I guess its contingent upon one’s threshold for pain and tolerance of bullshyt. I’m of the opinion that people are too quick to leave and start over. I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery. Through hardship comes strength.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:13 pm
Ared, I’m lifting my non-speaking ban for today only
Of course you are, pudding pop! I couldn’t stay away from you either.
Sad, sad story. I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone I cared for either. But I guess when you have a perceived death sentence, you don’t want to go out alone.
You’re the only one for me too, candy corn!
Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)
April 27th, 2009
12:15 pm
Morning ALL (ATL for the next few days then back to DC)
First conversation…am getting to tour the White House next week. I was told that only about 1 -2% get to get in these days that apply.
On topic…personally I think it is both inconvenience AND fear of going it alone. With the exception of my ex-wife (who was being encouraged by her family, I know that the ladies that have dropped me when I thought we might be making it permanent, all left when a new ride came along. Maybe that is inconvenience, maybe fear, but I think it was both. Would they have stayed if they did not have an immediate option? Probably.
I do know that it is usually harder for a guy to go it alone than a woman. I see a lot of ladies that get a divorce and then go on a sabbatical for a year or two without even dating. The guys are often married in a year (and divorced in four or so but that is a different subject), because men are more needy than women (and usually dumber, but that is another topic also).
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:23 pm
**I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery**
i stayed an extra two months. does that count? i would still be in my home, but everyday there was something new poppin’ up.
how much bs should one take?
v103 is jammin’!!!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
12:28 pm
Ared, candy corn. lmao
Randy, as I stood in the heat all day saturday with 2 co-burners they both told me about their multiple divorces. I’m like wtf?? One said he got a notice 3 days after getting here, he came with me, about owing some ex wife some cash and he’s tryign to figure out where he can meet his fiancee because she cant fly into this country unless she’s married. Anyway, both were content with going from wife to wife.
I disagree on it being harder for men though. If you dont have to mail her checks for years feelings repair in a few months. Some chicks never get over it.
Dan, lmao at 10 family members in line.
Angie, thats Mrs Truth. Get it right. You know they found a food that kills a womans sex drive right? Its called wedding cake.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:28 pm
i got way too comfortable without the title. this is bad, really bad.
Yeah, but you got thru it and are still standing. And I’m sure you learned a lot so don’t beat yourself up about it.
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:31 pm
I’m of the opinion that people are too quick to leave and start over. I commend those couples that stick it out through the misery. Through hardship comes strength.
DuShawn – I can get with that too. There is unhappiness and then there is disrespect. If you have a beater or a chronic cheater, get out. But if you’re just bored or wish he’d had something better than working at the loading dock, you’ll have to deal.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
12:35 pm
@Randy
I think for guys, it’s about “sackin’ up” mostly. Agreed that part of that is the desire to rush into something else to get over it, but for the most part, as men we aren’t allowed a year of sabbatical.
Between the single male friends and well intentioned female friends, you are “thrown” back into the pool rather quickly.
But like any loss, mourning is definitely warranted (for both sexes), just not as “acceptable” for guys (thus the thrice divorced).
@Truth
Yeah man, they were killing the A’s Popeye’s. What’s good on the other side of the world my boy?
THE MELO
April 27th, 2009
12:40 pm
Hey Gang!
Will not be in,in full force.
Hey Foots!!
In training for the whole week.
Have fun guys….
lurker
April 27th, 2009
12:44 pm
If it ain’t marriage, and you ain’t happy or there’s a breach of trust, I’d say pull up and move on. No officially unattached SO is worth unhappiness. I don’t do “do overs” and I’m of the cynical belief that easily forgiven offenders tend to have reoccurances. I can only forgive enough to not harbor hatred but never a second chance.
If it is marriage and there’s unhappiness or a breach of trust or stale, do what you can to salvage and save and restore. I tend to naieve believe that if you work to salvage save and restore, there tends to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 27th, 2009
12:45 pm
TRUTH…you are right about Kuwait not being ready for all this?
ARED…back up off my hubby Truth!
Oh wait…I am the mistres….carry on then!
lurker
April 27th, 2009
12:46 pm
misery pales in comparison to singledom
AmazonRed™
April 27th, 2009
12:46 pm
I am the mistres….carry on then!
I was about to kick you back into your lane, Staceye!
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
12:50 pm
Ok, I’m convinced I’m wired the wrong way. Although I understand handling the rought patchs in a marriage, because they are expected. I don’t understand why someone stays solely based on “obligation” all the while living a miserable life day in and day out for years on end. I don’t get that part. That’s not what the vows meant! Guess that’s why I’m not married now.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
12:54 pm
Dan, just alot of sand and dust over here. You know, where ever I’ve been in the world people are all looking for one thing, to make their lives just a little better.
Lurker, you must have been joking. WOW, I gotta shake my head to comprehend that one.
Staceye, baby, please dont come in claiming mistress status seconds after I’ve pledged my unwavering loyalty to Ared. That tends to make me look like I’m unfaithful.
Ared, this music is it. From old school to current hits. My computer is humming like a good radio station. I’m getting some speakers and a sub next time I go on base.
Raqi
April 27th, 2009
12:55 pm
It is almost hot out there today.
Leggs I would say commitment more so than obligation. But then again I guess one would feel obligated to the commitment of the vows.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
12:56 pm
i’ll be kinda embarrassed to just get the freebie and jet
Not me. I won’t even ask for a cup of ice water to go with it. Just chicken….then tire tracks.
Dan So don’t give up hope, just think it through to both the good and bad outcomes and prepare for each.
Nah, my “hope” is not to live with a man who has made no commitment to me. I’d rather wait and live with my husband, or at the very least, my fiance a few months before the wedding. And only if there are circumstances regarding housing/finances that make it a good option.
DuShawn Oftentimes, people stay not out of fear of being alone, but they’re trying to conclude is this a bad relationship or is this relationship merely going through a bad time
Good point. Aside from obvious dealbreakers, as long as there is a desire to work things out to get through a rough patch, I’d say put your energy into that.
Amazon Good thing you brought up boredom. It was mentioned in the blog entry and I meant to say something about it. It can be funny how one side of the coin may be why someone chooses their mate (he/she would rather stay home and spend time than run the streets) and the flip side is why they break up (he/she don’t never want to go anywhere, this ish is boring). Boring can be spiced up, all it takes is a little imagination.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
12:57 pm
**Some chicks never get over it** why is this?
**don’t beat yourself up about it** lol. i’m not. i’m on topic.
did you catch TOUGH LOVE last night? whoa!
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:00 pm
**That’s not what the vows meant** there’s only two reasons to leave a marriage. and boredom isn’t one of them.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:01 pm
SexyCool My interpretation of the scene you set on Friday went off pretty well. I cooked, we watched Ray J’s finale while eating dessert, and then I slipped off upstairs to prepare. I sent him a text message that said “turn off the tv and come upstairs”. And it was on from there.
)
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:01 pm
Truth What part did you not understand? If you’re just a SO (i.e. void of vows), heck no I ain’t staying and living in misery. If I’m married, what’s the crime in giving it all you have? If you find, after all your efforts it doesn’t work, then do the needful. It’s simple. You’re the one that’s complicated.
Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)
April 27th, 2009
1:02 pm
Afternoon folks!
Had a nice weekend.
Raqi I sat here for a little while trying to figure out what flower bed gravy was
On Topic – flying solo is quite easy for me. Like Staceye – it’s the relationship stuff that gets me skurred. That ‘Lions and Tigers’ song should be my theme song, LOL.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:02 pm
i swear the media is the DEVIL. i don’t believe this flu is that bad. the reports/numbers are inflated.
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
1:03 pm
I don’t understand why someone stays solely based on “obligation” all the while living a miserable life day in and day out for years on end. I don’t get that part. That’s not what the vows meant! Guess that’s why I’m not married now.
Leggs you and me both chile….just can’t do it. My mother stayed with my dad for a long time b/c she grew up without her father in the home and wanted different for her children. Later after their divorce I shared with her that we all(her included) would’ve been better off had she left that azzhole waaay sooner than she did.
He ain’t worf it Ms.Celie….he ain’t worf it.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:03 pm
I posted a long message and either the blog ate it or it’s in the spam bin.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothingelse while doing dishes
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Lurker with a bad attitude. i was referring to the misery pales in comparison to singledom. Its to early on a monday morning to be crabby.
Foots
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Beautiful It may not be that bad, but I BET you that you could get a great seat on a flight to Cancun right now and have the whole side of the plane to yourself.
For Real
April 27th, 2009
1:06 pm
Leggs: Define misery.
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:09 pm
Truth I feel marriage is worth the trouble in trying to salvage, habitual violaters being the exception. I mean seriously, if there’s a rough patch or things have waned over the years or you have a buttload of kids and the spark has died, yeah work to rekindle or revive. But if the demise is due to stick ‘em stan um, nope that ain’t changing and yes, I’m out.
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
1:10 pm
Misery….no laughter, no joy, no life, no respect, taking one for granted, no voice, no laughter…to name a few!
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:10 pm
@FOOTS
yep, you prolly right! and they said there’s no cure. bs.
why are libra men so difficult? FOR REAL you a libra?
lurker
April 27th, 2009
1:11 pm
Truth ummm, that was a statement. I’m actually good this bright afternoon. That’s just the way you’re interpeting…that’s on you.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:12 pm
tell her FOR REAL. that’s your mickey fickey fault!
do something bout it.
Sassy Me....tastes like candy :-)
April 27th, 2009
1:13 pm
i swear the media is the DEVIL. i don’t believe this flu is that bad. the reports/numbers are inflated.
Actually we’ve(CDC) already recieved some of the samples being collected around the country for testing and further diagnostics. It’s not out of control yet but it always has the potential to and the fact that there isn’t a reliable vaccine is another point of concern. Just like the “bird flu” the “swine flu” is bad b/c we(humans) can’t make antibodies to that virus since it didn’t originate in humans. However, the media can hype shyt up out of proportion at will.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:14 pm
**buttload of kids** lol.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:16 pm
Libras are weird people.. Male or Female..
**Putting on my blog vest ASAP**
Leggs
April 27th, 2009
1:16 pm
Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in working at your marriage if it’s workable. However, I’m not going to keep working at something that seems to be puttin me in an early grave. Misery and 6 feet under don’t jive w/me!
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
1:19 pm
the media can hype shyt up out of proportion at will.
It didn’t help that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano issued press releases calling it a pandemic. Media jumped on that over the weekend, and she was on TV all weekend explaining it.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:20 pm
@Truth
Man, I’m glad to hear you’re (halfway) enjoying it.
But you trying to break my vibe with that “finding happiness” mess – it’s called a mirror.
Dan
April 27th, 2009
1:21 pm
@PG
With the back and forth across the border, it can get pretty bad if we let it.
SexyCool
April 27th, 2009
1:21 pm
Lioness – I am a Libra. I will not disagree. LOL
Poppa Grande
April 27th, 2009
1:22 pm
Truth
At least you are washing dishes while wearing only a towel on your head, don’t cook in that outfit. That could be dangerous.
Beautiful
April 27th, 2009
1:24 pm
@SEXYCOOL
can i ask what sign is coach?
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 27th, 2009
1:25 pm
Sexycool-
lol@