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Sign on the dotted line

You don’t need Donald Trump’s assets or Oprah Winfrey’s money to consider a prenuptial agreement these days. More and more people are choosing to protect their financial assets, just in case. Is this a sign of how we view marriage?

If you can get past the “implied distrust” that prenups can bring, then maybe you can decide on terms that work for the both of you. Some of the prenuptial agreements being used today also map out a specific plan that outlines the couple’s finances and how they will be managed during the marriage. However, some  go as far as to require that the husband or wife maintain a regular sexual relationship with the other partner in order to be eligible for any portion of assets.

Considering your current financial standing, would you ask for a prenuptial agreement…. before you got married? If so, how would you bring it up? Would you have the papers ready prior to speaking to your partner?

If you love someone should you trust that person with your whole heart and your entire net worth? Or is it a matter of love and trust on one hand but when it comes to the money.. pre-nup is the way to go?

For people who are unmarried, would you have a problem signing a prenuptial? What about an infidelity clause?

362 comments Add your comment

Wise Diva

April 22nd, 2009
9:09 am

Good mooorning! SORRY about the late opening, folks. Come on in, have a seat :)

LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!

April 22nd, 2009
9:11 am

Good Morning All :)

I believe IF a person loves someone enough to want to marry them, why ask them to sign a prenup. To me, it is a sign that they are thinking the worst of the marriage before it begins.. I would rather continue dating..

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 22nd, 2009
9:20 am

Morning All (back in ATL next week for a whole week, YESSS)

I would not do a prenup, but I would make sure that wills are in order protecting my children in case I kick the bucket first. Money means nothing if I am dead, but I want my children to get something besides screwed over.

As for an “infidelity clause”, that is what the door was invented for…and what the heck, let it hit you on the azz as you leave after all.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
9:22 am

I have no problem signing a prenup. To me, it’s like insurance. No one wants to get into an accident, but if you do, you’re covered. Same with marriage.

A prenup is just a set of terms and conditions going into the marriage. If you want to protect your assets, I’m going to protect your heart. So I’ll write into mine, if you cheat on me, I still get all your loot. It’s only fair since we’re supposed to be together and faithful til death…right? :D

Kym aka Southern Girl (Gal)

April 22nd, 2009
9:26 am

Good Morning All,

I would not require a pre-nup and if I happen to marry(god the thought makes me itch) a guy if he has moolah and would like me to sign one I wouldn’t be pressed about it. But most likely I would question his motivation. If you are doing this to protect your business interest okay I can understand, but if you are doing this cause you don’t trust me ..then what the hell are we talking about getting married for?(there goes that itch again).

ImAPeach404

April 22nd, 2009
9:27 am

I wouldn’t have a problem signing a prenup – eh, who cares!

If I found a dude who actually WANTS to get married and is WORTH marrying – cuz I’ve seen whats out there – whatever! I’ll sign it!
I’m not in it for the money anyway so if things don’t work out I have no issues leaving with what I started with and what I’ve accumulated…

As far as an infidelity clause… can you explain that one for me please?
Is it like, if I cheat then blah, blah, blah or is it a clause saying I won’t cheat? A clause saying if he cheats then blah, blah, blah? I need more info before I can put my 2 cents in.

dw

April 22nd, 2009
9:29 am

I think that in some instances prenups are necessary, especially when it comes to the wealthy, (i.e. entertainers, pro athletes, and such). Because there are people who’s soul purpose is to marry a rich person, pretend to love them and eventually divorce them for half of their money(hence, the term “gold digger”). Personally though, I would have to agree with Lioness in that arranging such an agreement says to me that you are preparing an exit strategy , which I think says that you don’t have faith that the marriage will be til death do you part.

As far as an infidelity clause goes, that’s a definite No No. To me that’s saying “I DON’T TRUST YOU”. If that’s the case then why in the world are we getting married?

ImAPeach404

April 22nd, 2009
9:29 am

Oh yea… while I don’t have a problem marrying a dude who asks me to sign a prenup, I do have issue combining my good financial house with someone who’s house it totally out of order. I wouldn’t marry a guy until he/we got his finances straight.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
9:37 am

Because there are people who’s soul purpose is to marry a rich person, pretend to love them and eventually divorce them for half of their money

And there are people who enter into marriages, like athletes and entertainers, who never plan to be faithful.

Why is protecting your money more important than protecting your vows? Either way, if you’re entering the marriage with intentions to not take your man to the cleaners or cheat on your woman, then signing a prenup should be no problem for either party…right?

Beautiful

April 22nd, 2009
9:42 am

**For people who are unmarried, would you have a problem signing a prenuptial? What about an infidelity clause?**

i’ll sign!

ImAPeach404

April 22nd, 2009
9:43 am

Why is protecting your money more important than protecting your vows?

PREACH!!!!!!!!

Randyt (aka Been there, Done that, Got a Closet FULL of t-shirts)

April 22nd, 2009
9:45 am

“Because there are people who’s soul purpose is to marry a rich person, pretend to love them and eventually divorce them for half of their money

And there are people who enter into marriages, like athletes and entertainers, who never plan to be faithful.”

A sad state of affairs. I never even heard of a pre nup unitl I was in my late twenties/early thirties. This is a relatively new concept.

i was in England during much of the period of the Paul McCartney divorce settlement was in court. To see someone try to take that much money for just a few years of marriage was sickening. As someone once said (and I do not totally agree with the cynicism, but the reality is unfortunately true), “marriage is the most expensive ‘free piece of azz’ that a man will ever encounter”.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2009
9:48 am

While I was laying in the hospital Sunday I was thinking about “the dotted lines”, however the lines that I have autographed are not of prenuptial nature. They are more of the making me a part of his endeavors, taking on his responsibilities type of signings. It is all so that should anything happen to him I have full control of everything. Everything is mine. Even the debts.

As I was lying there and he was talking about something that he is trying to do and he was stating how it will be good for Elizabeth (not yet born) and I should blah, blah, blah, and I started to think about all the dotted lines I have signed on since we become a dynamic duo. Should, God forbid, something happened to lead him to an early departure will the assets that will come to us outweigh the debts that I have freely become part of? Will we be well off? Will we break even? Will we be underwater in debt? He is smart man and I know that he will never take on more responsibility than he is able to handle, nor will he put our financial future at risk intentionally, but with the way things are now you just never know. Anything can go awry.

When his mother died everything that was in her name was free and clear. All funds were liquid. But when his died passed there were a couple things that had to be taken care of, but it was still on the up side.

But you know I just love the way this man thinks and how he maneuvers. I have been broke and poor before so it will not be the end of the world if I have to take all of our present assets and his future life insurance proceeds and make good his life dreams. We will manage.

However don’t fool yourself, I not only hope to have him around for a very, very, very long time, but (man I tell you I hate even thinking about) should his life end earlier than desired I hope we have the security that he wishes and works hard every day for us to have.

Now on the topic…I gotz nothing ‘cause you are asking the unmarried.

MELO

April 22nd, 2009
9:48 am

If Barbara Walters wants me to sign a pre-nup, i will fly to New York right away,no problem! I wld do it if she has money like that.
If I had it, yes i wld require her to sign a pre-nup.

An infidelity clause??,now thats a new one for me :???:
Do they include those clauses in swinger marriages or what coz as far as I know,marriage means fidelity to one.So fidelity clause is for :???:
Educate this soul on that one Diva

PS. Some troll/newbie? called you Wise Eva yesterday,that was funny :lol:

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2009
9:49 am

Money matters, but apparently not that much to me. Anytime I happen to read anything related to my astorological sign it specifically mentions this. My joie de vivre (ck sp) just ain’t rooted in it. So this would be a non-issue for me in theory. Cuz I’ve never been held to it in practice…but as long as the motivation didn’t seem like, cuz I know you’re about to wild out on me at any moment… And the cheating clause doesn’t immediately make me think “Trust Issues.” Makes me think “Insecurity Issues.” That would be far more concerning than a pre-nup.

SOCKEYE SALLY Sound like ya caught me sashaying my way down the hall yesterday? I was mindin’ my own business, and my hips have a mind of their own, so leave me lone! Hump day so I may get a lil MJB with it. You been spending lots of time w/ ol Anthony. His wife might get spicous bout that ‘all day Chanel scent’! Enjoy the breezies, chica.

MELO

April 22nd, 2009
9:51 am

Raqi,u planning a murder on the blog?

dw

April 22nd, 2009
9:52 am

“Why is protecting your money more important than protecting your vows?”

Because, I have never seen anyone sign a contract for 6 years, 72 million dollars for saying “I do”. However, I have seen them sign one for being a pro athlete. Being cheated on does not entitle one to financial compensation. I’d even venture to say that if a female is considering marrying a pro athlete or entertainer, then they should ponder the fact that infidelity MAY come with the territory. Apparently, some of them will sacrifice faithfulness for a lavish lifestyle. But at the end of the day when they get tired of the cheating they are not entitled to his money, they have not thrown one ball nor blocked one shot. They have not recited a single line in a blockbuster movie nor spit a single bar on a platinum selling record.

Raqi

April 22nd, 2009
9:53 am

A prenup is one of those instances where I feel you are going into the union already looking out.

If anything it should be each party gets what they came in with, and everything gained and accumulated within the union gets divided equally. If there are any kids produced there should be joint custody and financial responsibility.

LOL I tickle myself and that’s all I am gonna say.

lurker

April 22nd, 2009
9:55 am

For richer for poorer, for better for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live until death do you part….but my moeny is off limits if you ever have to go….need I say more? I’d be greatly offended if asked to sign a prenup. I think marriage is just that. So, if I enter the union and you already have kids do we keep that/them separated as well? I mean do I care for you and let you care for them? By most, it’s instantaneously (sp)package deal. Isn’t that a rule we live by. If I/him have kid(s) already, he’s/I’ve got to love the entire package right? Well so is the dough. With that being said, and I know most won’t do it nor will believe me when I say it….if the marriage is dissolved, me personally, I’d want child support if children were produced and I’d want alimony if my living went from sub-par to par based on the efforts of us both during the union but I ain’t trying to take you through hoops for what’s truthfully not mine nor did I earn. Folks are too busy being vendictive trying take all they can but if I didn’t bring come with it, it’s not mine to take upon exiting. Now, just like it would take trust to walk in (money) unguarded, it’s all relative (i.e. kids becoming both of ours, no infidelity clause)….and you just gonna have to trust me.

abc

April 22nd, 2009
9:55 am

“would you ask for a prenuptial agreement…. before you got married?” …that’s kinda funny… ‘course, PREnuptial would indicate before the marriage. I don’t suppose there is much motivation for a reluctant party to sign an agreement after the wedding has taken place.

One needs to consider that they need to protect their assets not only from their prospective partner, but from that partner’s family. In case of mental incapacitation, a prenup can go a long way toward preventing a spouse (ESPECIALLY if there are exes with kids) from incurring problems with legal claims from people outside the marriage. It’s not only to protect your assets from the gold diggin ho you married when you was drunk in Vegas.

SexyCool

April 22nd, 2009
9:55 am

Prenup – I will burn that bridge when and if I ever get to it.

Three Words Daily – Storms always pass.

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2009
9:56 am

RAQI I thought about you and those early contractions over the weekend. I was glad to see you posting yesterday as I didn’t think Dr. So n So would allow MIA in ICU. I’m glad you’re good and I’m glad Lil E’s yellow dress will not be altered into trousers as you halfheartedly threatened months ago. But you knew in your heart that wouldn’t be necessary. :)

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

April 22nd, 2009
9:57 am

Morning all!

Raqi Are you ok? I hope the hospital visit wasn’t for something major. Maybe just a check-up… although I guess that wouldn’t be in the hospital Either way, I pray all is well with you and the baby.

On Topic – I’m not a fan of prenups. Depending on dude’s reasons I might sign one. In the past, I’ve said that if we have kids because he wanted them, I would want a prenup that said if we broke up – he takes the kids ;-)

I think the infidelity clause means that the pre-nup is null and void if the other person cheated. So all the athletes that get their wives to sign one – if they cheat then she still gets half. But I may be wrong.

kimmie

April 22nd, 2009
9:57 am

Morning Gang!

As I get older and stop thinking all romantical about marriage, I would not have a problem signing a prenup. They are for more than just the superwealthy, as was brought out on Michael Baisden the other day. Say you own a business when you meet The One. Say your a lady and you own a hair salon. You might want to protect your interests. Draw up an agreement that if you guys go your seperate ways, you can each walk away with what you had before, your salon belongs to you and you can continue to make a living. My SO has children so I’m sure he wants to protect their future. Things like that.

If we’re planning on getting married, hopefully trust issues have already been brought to the surface and worked out. Ideally. There should be no need for some stupid infidelity clause. That would be an insult. If us making our vows before God is not enough, we have other issues and should not be getting married.

There was this story on Dateline once about this man that made his wife sign an “extreme prenup”. In it, it outlined everything from how many times a week they did it, the days they did it on – to what kind of gas she put in the car(Citgo). A modern day form of slavery – but hey, she was cool with it. To each his/her own!

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
9:59 am

then they should ponder the fact that infidelity MAY come with the territory.

The a guy should take into account that gold diggers MAY come with the territory.

All that money is great, but it’s not getting you into heaven. It doesn’t matter if she never dribbled a ball. Taking on a wife means taking care of her and the family financially. Every rich man has the option to stay single. There are plenty of women willing to be a baby mama. :???: Look at LeBron’s girl…

I’m just pointing out the double standard that protecting your money isn’t a sign of distrust, but expecting a person to be faithful is. Doesn’t make any sense.

lurker

April 22nd, 2009
10:01 am

Amazon’s 9:59…good post

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
10:01 am

In the past, I’ve said that if we have kids because he wanted them, I would want a prenup that said if we broke up – he takes the kids

I like that! :lol:

Beautiful

April 22nd, 2009
10:03 am

i’m laying here thinking . . . honestly, would i want to marry a man who ask me to sign such a thing?

Jamoca

April 22nd, 2009
10:06 am

Honestly, I’d have no problem signing a prenup…esp since if it were the other way around and I had a lot to lose…be it a business or whatever I’ve worked long and hard for, I’d probably require my hubby-to-be sign one in return. Not saying that I don’t trust him, but let’s prepare for worst case scenarios here.

I know we’d all like to believe ALL marriages will/should be till death, but the reality remains that we’re still human. Anything’s possible and nothing is guaranteed…well we all know one exception to that rule of guarantees in life. I’ve seen/known several people who started out a certain way…sweet, loving, understanding, supportive, etc…but ended bitter all because someone or both felt as if they were entitled to more than what they were getting…even if it was a reasonable amount.

MissPeaches404 – A good example of an infidelity clause is …let’s say a man tells his wife she would have to sign an infidelity clause and in return she may say something along the lines of …”and in return you need to sign an IC, which will state that if you cheat on me, I get “x” amount of money in return…or for each offense.

Some prenups can get pretty petty too. You get the dog, I get the poolboy. You can’t gain any extra weight over 120lbs or that’ll be $500 or better or $100,00 of her seperate property…to barring a mother-in-law from sleepover visits, to controlling how much football her husband watches during the week. Some prenups are put in place not only in case of the demise of the marriage, but also the duration.

…and that’s just over the top, but interesting enough to make you wonder: “Why are we doing this again”? lol

Beautiful

April 22nd, 2009
10:06 am

he obviously doesn’t know me at all.

dw

April 22nd, 2009
10:08 am

“The a guy should take into account that gold diggers MAY come with the territory”

That is exactly why he would require a prenup.

M'

April 22nd, 2009
10:09 am

I would not have a problem signing a prenup…in fact, if I were involved with someone who had large financial assets to protect…I would insist on it…I would prefer the clarity that a prenup brings to the table…and I do not think it is about not being able to trust another person…I believe that it conveys respect for what antoher person has managed to earn or acquire prior to the marriage…and it would seem to me that is would provide room for less antagonistic dissension about monetary issues.

I had a friend make me a loan to get my jewelry business started and to buy a laptop…I insisted that we sign an agreement on the terms and conditions of the loan…and I refused to take the money until we had done so…this way we had a very unequivocal understanding about the money loaned to me and the terms for repayment of it…which could also be terminated at his will to do so…I believe in extended to others what I would like to receive in my relationships and dealings with someone…mutually abiding respect and consideration…that ranks as high as truthfulness and honesty as mandatory virtues.

MELO

April 22nd, 2009
10:09 am

Whats up with Lebron’s girl Amazon?

ImAPeach404

April 22nd, 2009
10:09 am

I’ve said that if we have kids because he wanted them, I would want a prenup that said if we broke up – he takes the kids

Tazzee LOL!!! I don’t want any more kids and I’ve thought about something like this too. Only thing is, if he drops dead, you stuck like chuck

Raqi

April 22nd, 2009
10:10 am

Hey TwoLincolns and Tazzee, we are doing good. I went to my coworker’s wedding Saturday and ended up leaving early to go the hospital because of contractions. I spent Saturday evening and all of Sunday laying in a hospital bed having a CST. For reason she became a little stressed starting on Friday. I tell ya, at.ti.tude already. :smile:

When my son walked into the room Sunday he was so amazed that the weird noise he was hearing is the baby’s heartbeat, loud and clear. I guess he is now fully convinced that she is soon to arrive.

But I don’t want to get off topic. This is a good one. Thanks for thinking about me.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
10:11 am

he obviously doesn’t know me at all.

Angie – I caught a few episodes of Tough Love and one thing Steve said is not everyone will view a dollar the way you do. The same can be said for marriage. Many women make the mistake of taking things personal, when ultimately, things like family money and businesses are intended to be there before you and after you.

Of course every decision to sign a prenup should be made on a case by case basis and some people will have ill intentions from the jump, but not everything is about you or meant to stricken or harm you.

I’m sure you’d do whatver you’d need to to protect the best interests of your sons, even if it may hurt your man’s feelings at the time.

dw

April 22nd, 2009
10:12 am

@Jamoca–Those petty prenups that you wote about should be handled during the dating phase. I’d like to think that people would not be getting married if these things had not been discussed prior to making that decision, and to actually have to draw up an agreement for those types of things is absurd. They probably should not even be dating much less getting married. That’s just a matter of respecting each other’s wishes.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
10:12 am

That is exactly why he would require a prenup.

And since infidelity MAY come with the territory, that’s exactly why she would want an infidelity clause! Duh!

Leggs

April 22nd, 2009
10:12 am

Good morning. I understand the need to be protected, but since my tax bracket is no where up there w/the rich, no need for a prenup. Like Kym stated, “…if I happen to marry(god the thought makes me itch), UGGH, no prenup. :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
10:14 am

Whats up with Lebron’s girl Amazon?

I believe she’s his high school sweetheart. She got knocked up before the ink dried on his NBA contract. :lol: The gossip sites claim that he has no intentions to get married at this time. I think they may have another kid by now too.

Point of the story, he found someone willing to give him kids without buying the farm. There are tons of women willing to do the same.

abc

April 22nd, 2009
10:15 am

Frankly, significant disagreement about a prenup — whether it’s necessary, what it says, etc. — is most likely indicative of issues that would break the marriage, anyway.

kimmie

April 22nd, 2009
10:17 am

Raqi – I thought about you when you mentioned the contractions on Friday. Glad all is well.

mytw♥cents

April 22nd, 2009
10:21 am

Oh did somebody mention moderation? Must just be me… it’s maddening that a perfectly PG 13 post must go off to la-la land while others, like the frequent ones of my beloved buffoon seem to slip n slide thru ever so easily. Maybe I’ll start throwin a pudsy or two in just for the heck of it. Have a sunshiney day, y’all.

dw

April 22nd, 2009
10:21 am

“And since infidelity MAY come with the territory, that’s exactly why she would want an infidelity clause! Duh!”

She doesn’t have any bargaining chips! What is she bringing to the table? Some Na Na? He can get that in every city the team or tour stops in.

Like I said earlier, being cheating on does not entitle you to financial compensation.

Professor

April 22nd, 2009
10:22 am

I believe in signing on the dotted line….

M'

April 22nd, 2009
10:23 am

I do not find fault with a person who wishes to protect his/her assets…it says less to me about the character of the person than it does about how we have come to view relationships.

Face it, like it has been stated…there are ppl out there whose sole purpose is to find their way into someone else’s financial resources…I have seen plenty of that happen…I have watched the personalities, behaviors and attitudes of ppl completely change once a monetary measure is concerned…I have seen how far ppl will go to manipulate other ppl’s financial resources…it would be an ideal belief if we could just flat out not question how ppl will react to the presence of financial availabilty with an attitude of entitlement.

AmazonRed™

April 22nd, 2009
10:24 am

She doesn’t have any bargaining chips! What is she bringing to the table? Some Na Na? He can get that in every city the team or tour stops in.

Sure she does. She’s not cattle.

Obviously, she’s bringing something to the table enough for him to want to take the risk and MARRY HER. Remember, he doesn’t HAVE to get married at all. So if he decides to go there, she has rights too.

Beautiful

April 22nd, 2009
10:24 am

@ABC
my thoughts exactly! knowing me i would always feel that our trust is not real. you know i’m sensitive bout err’thang. yea, i see a disagreement/argument coming on.

Jamoca

April 22nd, 2009
10:27 am

Raqi – Glad to hear. Little girls can be so figgity! lol

DW – Exactly. Petty indeed.

Beautiful

April 22nd, 2009
10:27 am

@mytwo
come back, don’t go!