I Do NOT Hook Up
It is always so interesting to people watch on any given weekend in Atlanta’s social scene. If you pay attention to how we engage each other, you will realize singles sure have a way of getting a message across. The problem is getting the “right” message to the “right” people. I heard a Kelly Clarkson song on the radio the other day called I Do Not Hook Up. Now there’s a message for you!
I think that a lot of times our conversation, flirt techniques, and how we approach a prospect, convey “messages” all the time. Now, the “I do not hook up” message is important to a single woman seeking an actual relationship. A man can be talking to a total vixen and not know it because she is not going to send her vixen signal out to him. We know men desire us. We get it. We desire you too! We just aren’t always down for the hooking up.
Ladies, do you have challenges with sending a “I do not hook up” message to men that you meet? What if you are just looking for the casual thing? Do you let this be known straight away or wait until you observe more?
Guys, how do you send your “I do not hook up” message to women? Do you find that women are surprised when you do? If you are looking for hooking up only, do you actually communicate this? Do you pretend you are interested in the woman?
How can we improve our techniques of sending the “right” message to someone we are interested in? Is it hard to do without appearing to be playing games?
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321 comments Add your comment
Beautiful
April 20th, 2009
1:13 pm
@BEEN THRU IT ALL
how much should a groom spend on a wedding ring? two months salary?
Kym aka Southern Girl (Gal)
April 20th, 2009
1:14 pm
Yes Lioness I can see it has not. Back to my study of manslaughter.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
1:14 pm
MEN LIKE SEX!! WE WANT YOUR SEX!! WE WANT YOUR SEX AT CHURCH, CLUBS, CARWASH, WHILE YOU READING THE BIBLE, AT THE BUS STOP, AT THE STRIP CLUB, AT THE BAIL BONDSMAN, AT THE FUNERAL, WHILE YOU GETTING MARRIED, AT THE OBGYN, AT THE CDC…. AND WE WANT SOME FOOD, AND SOME QUITE, AND SOME SPORTS, AND TO SLEEP, AND TO DRINK, AND TO HANGOUT EVERY NOW AND THEN!!!!
Pretty much.
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
1:15 pm
Females shld not be particularly wary of guys who want hook-ups anyway(Kimmie&Tazzee) coz thats all they can do:ASK. Either its a yes or a no..and if no,they keep it moving.
Melo – Believe me brother, I’m not wary at all. I could care less what they want. Do you, I say. I said in my first post, I left the clubbing scene quite awhile ago. Don’t miss it either. Even when I was not seeing anyone, I still didn’t frequent the clubs. Not knocking those who do though, I just did not find what I was looking for, which is intelligent conversation with like-minded people in a sober setting. A nice drink or a glass of wine is fine, but drunk is not a good look. I never could stand the fakeness and the desperation of the entire scene. Like I said, I don’t need no dude “evaluating” me. I don’t need some dude thinking just because he bought me a drink, he’s “rented” me for the evening, that’s why when I was going to clubs I stopped accepting drinks unless I already knew the guy.
Hooking up works for some, it just does not work for me. I don’t knock the guys and ladies that do, I’m just in a different place in my life and have been for quite awhile. Real easy.
Blow Me
April 20th, 2009
1:15 pm
been thru it all…love the break down at 1:09…lol! funny ish!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
1:15 pm
I didn’t want to go there but you pulled the first punch…
If you say so. All I said is what is sounded like, didn’t mean it was true. You got all huffy like I hit a nerve. *shrugs*
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
1:19 pm
girl(on the phone with her friends): I’m pregnant, got an std, and my heart is crushed…I thought he loved me…
Sucks for that girl.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 20th, 2009
1:19 pm
Ared/Blow even boxers take breaks between rounds. Lets call this one a draw. I dont think either of you are knockoffs and neither does the blog.
Staceye, a cat buying a chick a drink just to speak with her is lame. If she’s interested she could care less about a drink, unless she’s an alcy. If she wants a drink and there’s a bar she knows how to buy her own, then she doesnt owe me anything.LOL
Beautiful
April 20th, 2009
1:19 pm
@FOR REAL
there’s nothing wrong with that! i (we) want the same.
East Point's Own
April 20th, 2009
1:19 pm
For Real I never said that women owe dudes anything for buying the drinks… but many me hope or expect that buying drinks will lead to more… Me never said women owe men anything… so er umm I don’t know where all dat came from.
For Real
April 20th, 2009
1:21 pm
Beautiful: The groom should buy a CZ and if they make it to the 3rd year upgrade her ring to an even bigger CZ.
For Real now waiting in Kimmie’s differnt place buck nekked while trying to unscrew a bottle of wine.
East Point's Own
April 20th, 2009
1:22 pm
Truth I never understood the folks who expect you to have a drink in hand when making your approach.. i mean we gotta speak so I can make sure she has all her teeth… I mean so I know what kind of drink she likes…
Been Thru It All
April 20th, 2009
1:22 pm
@ Beautiful…
Don’t believe in that two months salary thang…I had to save da** near a year and I still don’t think it was big enough…
depends on your pockets I guess….
MELO
April 20th, 2009
1:23 pm
dude: so u like this order of bacon,eggs and potatoes
chic: yeah,cool,u really nice
dude:no problem,so u said u live with a room mate
chic: no,i aint say that
dude: oh,ok,so who u live with?
chic:aghh hm,my stuff is in storage right now,im sharing with shaquita till i get ma spot
dude: u wanna hit ma spot after we finish,wanna show u some at ma crib
chic: hmm,what my friends gone say…ahhh,i mean, i dont do that..
dude: i dint say u do,here,heres my 4ne, call them on ma 4ne and tell them(shaquita) u with me..
(ngrreeeee,ngreeee,shaquita am with ummm,whats ur name again,yeah,Trey,call me on this number later)
chic: u sure,u dont have a baby mama at ur crib,u guys in Atl are a trip sme time..
dude: naw,naw babe,dont do that,here some more coffee,need anything else!
chic: Do they have to go box,might need to take some more in case i get hungry later.I really wanana see ur spot…ugh,im a lil tipsy,can u hold ma hand plz sweetie.
Dude: dont worry,ill cook some food fo u at home,if u need some
Chic:U so sweet! neva had a guy like u be4….u so lucky tho coz i neva do this go to a guys house on 1st date!
Dude: i know sweetie, i dont do that either,but,eehh, u really a special chic.
(hes blood pressure is really rising and hes putting hiz hand in his pocket to pat down lil man!)
(they all stand up,chic in front walking towards the door,dude is behing,dyck is stiff and he holding saggy pants,walking with leggs wide apart coz he dont wanna crush his balls,which are growing bigger and bigger!)
Poppa Grande
April 20th, 2009
1:25 pm
Kym
Do they teach you guys the elements for homicides (manslaughter)? Or is it really general?
My paralegal program (back in the day) let you choose whether you wanted Civil Lit or Crim Lit. I went the Civil Lit route back then. So, I didn’t learn any criminal law until law school. Surprisingly (to me anyways), I actually have enjoyed Crim law and Crim Pro. I didn’t expect to like it.
We spent tons of time on manslaughter. More on involuntary than voluntary. You don’t see a lot of voluntary manslaughter cases. Voluntary manslaughter cases are synonymous “heat of passion” cases. Most prosecutors want murder than voluntary manslaughter.
With the exception of the week long discussion on the OJ trial, the class was engaging. Lot of discussions going on in the class. People were just quiet with OJ. I think some were worried about the race card. I think others are just tired of the case.
Beautiful
April 20th, 2009
1:26 pm
@FOR REAL
when i get to the point where i discuss wedding rings with my man, i will let him know that i want a band instead. my heart is set on a romantic honeymoon. oh, and no wedding. the courthouse is fine with me.
the wedding ring can be bought on our 10th anniversary. that will be something to celebrate!
Kym aka Southern Girl (Gal)
April 20th, 2009
1:27 pm
I will second those emotions kimmie.
I am not knocking those who go to the club..do you and often. I can only speak for me and my world and the club is not for me. You know you are too old for the club when.. you fall asleep at the club.<<<I have done this. I took it as a sign and me and my friend got the hell up out of there. Even on the cruise ship I am not going to the disco/club. Casino yes, floor show yes, shopping on and off ship you better believe it, The disco/club forget it..I am going back to my cabin for a nap before the midnight buffet.
For Real
April 20th, 2009
1:27 pm
EPO: There is a passage in the bible that states “If one takes their portion of wine from another then dothes one owe that portion in azz” but I could be wrong.
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
1:27 pm
For Real – Well I’m impressed – at least you know how to set the mood, create “ambience”!LOL!!!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 20th, 2009
1:28 pm
Beautiful, if dude has problems paying for a ring whats gonna happen when the kids and bills come. Get a dude thats already made it beyond that stage.
EPO, lets take my momey and her azz off the table and see how we get along. If we’re both agrreable I’ll ask her out and pay for the meal. Any money or azz thats put up prematurely makes me a trick and her a ho.
Been Thru It All
April 20th, 2009
1:29 pm
@melo
….and there ladies and gentlemen is story number two out of 8 million in the book of G.A.M.E.
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
1:30 pm
You know you are too old for the club when.. you fall asleep at the club.<<<I have done this.
I’ve done this.
When I first moved here my sister took me to MJQ. The crowd was totally her scene, not mine. She was mad when I found a booth and caught some Zzzzs!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 20th, 2009
1:30 pm
Lmao at For Real quoting the bible
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
1:32 pm
You know you are too old for the club when.. you fall asleep at the club.<<<I have done this.
Kym – LOL!! I cracked up when I read this because that was me all the way! And we are talking when I was 24-25. When I graduated from college and came back to the ATL I hit every club and frequently. I had my fun! But it all just got very old! Nobody was holding a gun over my head, so I had to ask myself “Why am I even here”? I’m not missing anything!
Common sense
April 20th, 2009
1:35 pm
Why on earth would you go to a club to start a serious relationship?
Beautiful
April 20th, 2009
1:35 pm
@THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT
that was funny last week when the ladies accused you of spooning all of WLB. lol. i remember when you placed a blog ring on my finger for announcing that i was bi-curious. lol.
and we will already be passed kids and bills. we’re 40 something! lol. a ring is not important to me like it used to be.
Kym aka Southern Girl (Gal)
April 20th, 2009
1:36 pm
@Poppa G
It is pretty general. And in our program we are required to take both Criminal and Civil. I have both this semester. I am actually liking Civil better than Criminal which is a shock to me(I always dreamed of being a DA). But I think Civil is more ..cut and dry? not sure if that is the right description but I get more out of civil than criminal. I have Family Law this summer. But right now I am not feeling Criminal Lit at all.
Blow Me
April 20th, 2009
1:39 pm
Truth, Please…it’s just like a man to not see his women fight. lol..Send my spousal support if you really want to make life happy. LOL!
Ared Me getting huffy with you is on the REG. You stay gettin out of pocket. You’re a habitual line stepper. I could careless if you called me everything expect a child of God. I don’t care…but be ready to take the heat I am gonna give. Fair is fair. lol
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
1:40 pm
You stay gettin out of pocket. You’re a habitual line stepper.
Lighten up dude. You say unsavory things as well. Just something you do, so deal.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 20th, 2009
1:41 pm
Kym, the kindle 2 is 359 dollars. you can buy a dam computer for that amount. SMH I was going to buy you one buy I cant just based on principle. Will you settle for an old super mario game?
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 20th, 2009
1:45 pm
BEAUTIFUL…you shure that wasn’t me?
I have done that before! Sending me a drink is not a sure panty dropper!
FOR REAL…you know I do not take the Bible for every word it says! You already know my theory!
KIMMIE….:Females shld not be particularly wary of guys who want hook-ups anyway” I respect the dude that is up front about his intentions. I woudl reject him because that si not my thing. But at least he did not lie and play around. And there are plenty of other chicks who is down for that and he will find them and then have no drama later because they both only wanted sex and that was it.
HEY TRUTH!!!!
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 20th, 2009
1:53 pm
Blow, that check was mailed 2 weeks ago. Dam mail system.
Where’s Vanilla Ice?
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
1:55 pm
Staceye – I agree. The whole “females should not be wary” thing came from Melo and I was responding to him. Yeah, I appreciate a guy being up front and honest, but it doesn’t matter to me either way because I’ve always tried to avoid the “dude-looking-for-a-hookup” situation to begin with, thus my avoidance of clubs. They are just not my scene, though I do realize “hook-up” dudes can be met anywhere!
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 20th, 2009
1:56 pm
MJQ has roaches.. Big ones..
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 20th, 2009
1:57 pm
It is very sad that people STILL have sex with folks they don’t know AT ALL!!
MELO
April 20th, 2009
2:02 pm
So lurkers(since all regulars dont do hook ups) What are some of ur hoo-up lines/tricks??
For Real
April 20th, 2009
2:04 pm
After getting the wine open, For Real in now trying wake Kimmie aka “Narcoleptic Kim” with some gental wang massaging.
Hi Lioness my name is For Real. Now that we have got that out of the way. ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!
Kym aka Southern Girl (Gal)
April 20th, 2009
2:04 pm
Truth I told you how much it was before you left. Look if you can buy the wives all kinds of fake bags and CZ rings. Why can’t the slice on the side get a little sum nice? Take it out of one of your wives allowance or something. This is for the greater good, knowledge building.
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
2:07 pm
Kym – Just remember the 3rd wife(me) gets all the advantages. So the cut will have to be out of one of the other wives budget!LOL!!
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 20th, 2009
2:07 pm
NYCUTIE…”It is very sad that people STILL have sex with folks they don’t know AT ALL!!: And they wonder why AIDS & other STDS are are running ramped!
TRUTH…thanks for my new diamond ring….it’s lovely!
MELO
April 20th, 2009
2:08 pm
Guys taking care of chics stuff, TRUTH
Hey Truth,u know back in africa,when we hit clubs and wanted to scoop a lady out for a random,the trick,after dancing,vibing with her for a minute was to let her hold ur wallet for safekeeping!!
Thats a popular trick over there coz when u do that,the female gets all confused<hes trusting me, so hes digging me!! U right!!
It seperates her from her friends,gets her confused and asking,why,why??
The guy pretends to be talking to some friends while watching her step as she awaits meekly and checking the intrigue on her face.
Then u cme back to her,scoop her and whisk her outa the club.
Its going down!!!
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
2:10 pm
Kym/Truth – WAIT!!!! You mean all this jewel-ray is FAKE?!! These purses too?!!!
Truth, that sandstorm ain’t nothing compared to what Imma do to your arse!!!!LOL!!!
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
2:10 pm
”It is very sad that people STILL have sex with folks they don’t know AT ALL!!: And they wonder why AIDS & other STDS are are running ramped
Yeah, I would assume the STD talk doesn’t go down with someone you only plan to know intimately for a few hours. Yikes.
Leggs
April 20th, 2009
2:11 pm
Ok, Ok, you guys can have whatever Truth is suppose to send me…there’s too many of you and he’s not worth the fight and heartache that waiting each week for the mailman bring to me.
@Truth, my saddlebag sweetie, enjoy your other ladies. One of them will burn you! I’m bowing out gracefully!
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 20th, 2009
2:12 pm
Melo- That is the LAMEST trick EVER!!! His dumb azz is lucky she was still in the club when he returned..
IslandGirl aka "IG"
April 20th, 2009
2:13 pm
Hey Blog Family,
In reading a few of the posts I can say going to a club with the idea that Mr. Right might be on the dance floor is more than far-fetched. Just this past weekend I went to a spot with an old friend. It had been a while since either of us graced a nightclub. As the evening progressed, a fairly attractive and articulate guy came over and introduced himself to me. We spoke for a while (basically small talk) until he asked me if I would be interested in going out to dinner with him.
I asked him if he was single and dating. He said “confidently” that he is married. I then asked him, “what is a married man doing in a nightclub without his wife”, He said, “sometimes you have to get out and have fun”. I told him that I don’t go out with married men and said have a nice evening.
Case and point, there will always be sharks in the ocean looking for their next snack. I know of one couple that met in a night club and they have been married for a little over three years now. So I guess it can work for some folks.
MELO
April 20th, 2009
2:16 pm
Hes in the club,watching her Cuttie.Does not work here tho,with all these wide eyed biaatches pining for child support $$$$$$
AmazonRed™
April 20th, 2009
2:17 pm
melo – when did you move to America again? You keep posting like you just got here last week. I bet you’ve been here longer than some of us have been alive.
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
2:17 pm
Melo – Yeah, that is pretty wack. Lucky she does not walk away with that wallet!
kimmie
April 20th, 2009
2:18 pm
Leggs – No way you’re leaving me with all these kids to take care of & all this food to cook! NO WAY!! You’re not sliding out that easy!!LOL!!