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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

I Do NOT Hook Up

It is always so interesting to people watch on any given weekend in Atlanta’s social scene. If you pay attention to how we engage each other, you will realize singles sure have a way of getting a message across. The problem is getting the “right” message to the “right” people. I heard a Kelly Clarkson song on the radio the other day called I Do Not Hook Up. Now there’s a message for you!

I think that a lot of times our conversation, flirt techniques, and how we approach a prospect, convey “messages” all the time. Now, the “I do not hook up” message is important to a single woman seeking an actual relationship. A man can be talking to a total vixen and not know it because she is not going to send her vixen signal out to him. We know men desire us. We get it. We desire you too! We just aren’t always down for the hooking up. 

Ladies, do you have challenges with sending a “I do not hook up” message to men that you meet? What if you are just looking for the casual thing? Do you let this be known straight away or wait until you observe more?

Guys, how do you send your “I do not hook up” message to women? Do you find that women are surprised when you do? If you are looking for hooking up only, do you actually communicate this? Do you pretend you are interested in the woman? 

How can we improve our techniques of sending the “right” message to someone we are interested in? Is it hard to do without appearing to be playing games?

321 comments Add your comment

Cumtoyoursenses

April 20th, 2009
8:27 am

Good Morning Folx, it’s been like forever!
On Topic: I can only assume “hook up” here is used to refer to being made into a buddy. I will not be buddied and I’ve always made that quite clear. Now, I have hooked up with a friend and went out for an enjoyable evening but not with the intent to be bed’d, at least not on my part. I made it quite clear throughout the evening that I was having a good time but I was NOT inadvertedley touching his chest, knee, hand or anything sensual like that. He knew he wasn’t getting it and I think he was ok with that.

LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!

April 20th, 2009
8:44 am

Good Morning All :)

I think men know who they could “hook up” with and who they can’t.

I knew this girl that never seemed to have a meaningful relationship and I wondered what the problem was. I asked a couple of guys that I knew and one happened to be my boyfriend that had met her what they thought about her and each of them said that they thought that she could give great head(lack of better words). I was totally stunned by their answers cause that is EXACTLY what she LOVED to do.. LOL! With all that being said, there isn’t anything specific that a woman does to make a man want to try and “hook up” with them sometimes those women are just the “hook up” type..

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
9:06 am

If I do not want to hook up I stay away from bars, lounges, and clubs… plain and simple. If I am there by default I would not mind hooking up, now I may be there to get drunk and act a fool, but if the opportunity to hook up arises I would not turn it down provided I am feeling her. But if I am in a chill mode I would be at the movies alone or at home myspacing/twittering/facebooking until I fall asleep.

I don’t think you will find a man out on a social scene if he is anti-hooking up, unlike women I do not think we go out “just to dance.” LoL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
9:08 am

Happy Monday all. Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend!

Yeah, I do not hook up. I can send out the bat signal and hope he picks up, or I can do better and just say it outright. That does make em work harder sometimes tho. But hey, you’re still going to get shut down.

Hooking up is not good for my emotional well being, so I simply don’t go there!

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

April 20th, 2009
9:29 am

Good Morning All!

I normally don’t get approached by guys trying to hook up. I think it’s the vibe I give off, or the fact that I’m usually one of the most conservatively dressed females in the spot. Either way, that has not been a problem for me.

EPO Yes, we ladies do go out just to dance, LOL! I had to laugh because my friend and I will simply say “I feel like dancing” and go to a spot that we know plays good music. Walk right in and onto the dance floor – doesn’t matter if anyone’s dancing with us.

Ms Alld

April 20th, 2009
9:40 am

I agree with LIONESS, I think most men know who they can and can not hook up with. Some women have that look that says ‘Don’t even go there!’ while there is something about others that say ‘I’m game!’. If it doesn’t come across in their look/demeanor/presence a brief conversation will usually tell the story.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 20th, 2009
9:41 am

Good Morning All,

Lord will this semester of school never end?!!! But I digress.

I am with East Point, I avoid the “Atlanta” scene like the plague. I frankly feel I am too dang old to be out and about at some club trying to meet and greet over loud azz music. When I do go out it is with friends and associates who have common interest. Most are single like myself and we just chat and have a good drink and a few laughs. No one is trying to hook up, it is just great fun. I always feel refreshed the next day and not hungover.

Okay Truth where are you? Another one of the brotherhood went loco here this weekend. killed the mother of his kids, and went after another dude with a butcher knife, and had a standoff with the po-po. I swear you leave town and every other week some dude is going ape-*&(& batty.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
9:42 am

I don’t think you will find a man out on a social scene if he is anti-hooking up,

Nowadays it seems as even the men out there are over the potential headaches a one night stand could bring. Doesn’t mean they don’t want to, but after doing the cost/benefit analysis, they realize it just might be easier to call up someone already on the booty call list. :lol:

SexyCool

April 20th, 2009
9:48 am

Hook-ups. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. I’m over it. Funny thing is – you can feel a guy’s ‘hook-up vibe’ if you’re paying attention. I pay attention now more than ever. If my intuition tells me that you are trying to put me on your “let’s just kick it” program, no thank you. I don’t like being kicked.

At the point that I can tell that you are playing THAT game, my interaction with you changes. I flirt more, talk more trash and view you solely as for entertainment purposes only.

Three Words Daily – Avoid negative people.

Blow Me

April 20th, 2009
9:50 am

Good Morning,

Yeah we are too old to just be hooking up. Let’s get something meaningful here and stop flying out the sit of our pants.

I am good on the hooking up. I have one in my pocket if times get EXTREMELY rough!! lmao!

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
9:51 am

Well Amazon, that just means that the chicks who they met might not have been up to par… I mean why add someone to the team if they are not at least as good as your current worst player. But yeah you have to evaluate whether that chick you met in the club is crazy as heck or cool, looks ok or are you too drunk, half way intelligent at least or a few eggs short of a dozen… all of these things factor in unles you are just plain desperate or a total loser.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
9:53 am

But yeah you have to evaluate whether that chick you met in the club is crazy as heck or cool,

Like one meeting can really determine that. There’s always more beyond the surface.

Another reason why hooking up doesn’t work for me.

Blow Me

April 20th, 2009
10:03 am

ARED When are you gonna learn when to sit your cup down…Look what we are dealing with. And they say women are JUDGEMENTAL. I mean one foolio night at the club and you sum me up in 15 min convo and a water down amarretto sour!

I AM DONE -ZO!!! LOL!

Leggs

April 20th, 2009
10:03 am

Good morning, everyone!

mytw♥cents... the real thing, in stereo...

April 20th, 2009
10:03 am

As stated the other day, I believe you can SAY it, but it won’t necessarily be HEARD. Some dudes are obtuse and others will just see it as a challenge so he’s gonna get revved up anyway. (Yeah, yeah, rumor has it women do this too) And when there’s nothing I said OR did to give you this idea, then I know ya just crazy. Deranged… I really try to focus on what I’m projecting with my body language and actions. And don’t let me have my lil soundtrack going in my head, then it’s like “aren’t you listening, clown?!?” ;)

Ladies y’all strutting to certain songs? I know I’m not the only one…

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

April 20th, 2009
10:06 am

SexyCool Hey Lady! Yes, I’ve learned how to view certain guys entertainment. It’s actually quite fun, especially when their ego thinks you really may be buying all that crap they’re selling.

kimmie

April 20th, 2009
10:09 am

Morning Blog Fam & how was everyone’s weekend? Mine was very relaxing.

Kym you sound like me. I gave up the scene a few years out of college though. Too much riff-raff. Everybody acting desperate and hard-up – the men & the women. They can have it. I’d much rather get with a group of friends & chill & do things that we are all interested in. Try a new restaraunt, go to Chastain & pack a picnic, or someother music venue, a comedy club, plays. I don’t need no tired dude evaluating me & getting peeved because I’m not interested. Yeah, dudes do get mad when you say you’re just out with your friends to have a good time & dance.

I’ve met nicer guys at Home Depot than in a club. And H to the Naw I ain’t nobody’s hook-up!

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:14 am

I must agree with EPO’s conclusion, but not necessarily with his reasoning. He mentioned way too many things to decipher from one meeting. That first meeting is usually with the “representative”.

It doesn’t always work though. I remember my clubbing days at Atlanta Live, and sometimes seeing more guys outside in the parking lot waiting for the ladies to leave.

Tazzee

we ladies do go out just to dance

Admit it. If you saw a group of guys dancing together, you’d try to verify that you weren’t inside of Bulldogs.
Admit it.

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:15 am

Part of my post disappeared. WTH!

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 20th, 2009
10:19 am

There is something weird going on with the blog. I can see all of the java code at the top.

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:20 am

Let’s try this again.

Most men in clubs, bars, etc are out on the prowl for a hookup. Clubs even market to that reality. The purpose of ladies nights is to lure guys that are looking for a hook up. Essentially, a cover charge is a fee for a chance to hook up. In many cases, females are allowed entrance free of charge (at least until a certain hour). Clubs have bills to pay so they are banking on the men that are on the prowl to keep their lights on.

It doesn’t always work though. I remember my clubbing days at Atlanta Live, and sometimes seeing more guys outside in the parking lot waiting for the ladies to leave.

Tazzee - all moved in (sort of)

April 20th, 2009
10:24 am

PoppaG I admit it, :lol:

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
10:25 am

You have to keep this conversation in context with the topic. When deciding to have a hook up, yes we can get enough info in one meeting to make a yes or no decision… now when it comes to trying to start a relationship, no that takes much more time to get to know someone…. But at the club if me and a chick are talking I know really quickly if I would consider taking her to the Waffle House after the club. Don’t confuse hooking up with trying to find someone to date.

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
10:27 am

LoL @ Parking Lot Pimpin’ I never had a car fly enough to do that… but it works for some and you keep your money in your pocket and get the same, if not better results than the dudes in the club…

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
10:29 am

Don’t confuse hooking up with trying to find someone to date.

I can concede that, cuz I don’t really know what goes on in the mind of someone who goes out just to find someone to hook up that night with. It’s really out of the realm of possibilities to me.

If I meet someone out at a club or a bar (which is often) the most he’s getting is my number so we can establish something. Then he starts with the texting thing and it seals his fate anyway. :lol:

For Real

April 20th, 2009
10:31 am

What up Blog Fam!

I have never been much of clubhead and when I got out hooking up is the last thing on mind. There are some crazy chicks out there and I don’t need one of them disturbing my peace. But there are a lot dudes and chicks that are out looking hard for a relationship or a hook up.

PG: Yeah you know if they saw a group guy not trying to holla at any females they would be instantly gay. Hellz I remember being out on a date and I walk over to the dessert display and as I walked up to the dessert display I overheard a table full of women judging me.

He’s fine

He’s cute

He’s married

No ring he’s a playa

Naw he probably gay

I’m like dayummm how can I go from fine to gay in less the 4 sec? I mean Lambo’s don’t go that fast.

Tazzee: My crew calls it the circle of hell because there is always one in the group that actually wants to meet a dude but the other chicks block because they came out to dance dayummm!

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:33 am

EPO

When deciding to have a hook up, yes we can get enough info in one meeting to make a yes or no decision

I couldn’t disagree more.

That mentality is what leads to guys to the clinic because it burns when they pee.

They thought one thing, but the reality was that she wasn’t what she seemed to be.

It is like the song on DJ Jazzy Jeff’s Return of the Magnificent CD called “Go See the Doctor 2K7″

Morals????

April 20th, 2009
10:33 am

Can we write anything in this space? Does the AJC monitor any comment? How far can we go before it is filtered? Mr.”I state the facts” can’t think the words “oral sex” (idiot) and the AJC just lets you speak your mind. Young people do read the paper and if we excuse this stuff now, what will we be reading in the future?

MELO

April 20th, 2009
10:34 am

don’t think you will find a man out on a social scene if he is anti-hooking up, unlike women I do not think we go out “just to dance.

Really? i dont get what u saying.
U saying that men,when they do go out,are really looking for a hook up and not just to have fun? Are u talking of men or u talking boys?
I(politely) miss ur point!

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
10:37 am

That mentality is what leads to guys to the clinic because it burns when they pee. They thought one thing, but the reality was that she wasn’t what she seemed to be.

PG…that’s what I figured. In addition, knowing that most women “think” they can handle a no strings sexual relationship, but realize it’s not that much fun the morning after.

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:41 am

EPO

LoL @ Parking Lot Pimpin’ I never had a car fly enough to do that

LOL…I’ve seen more than one guy that knew what cars to stand near (even if it wasn’t his) to accomplish that.

Or even worse, it was their mom’s Lex, Ac or BMW.

kimmie

April 20th, 2009
10:45 am

It’s really out of the realm of possibilities to me.

Amred – Agreed. Just cannot relate to any of this no-strings, hooking-up stuff. Seems like it’s all more trouble than its worth, yet it’s all supposed to be so “easy”!

Been Thru It All

April 20th, 2009
10:46 am

I disagree with your disagreement PoppaG…I think EPO has stated the truth…If all your looking for is a jump off at the night spot, then 15 minutes might be too long…lol

Honestly…you can catch three complete sentences out of a women’s mouth(club women) and know what there agenda is…

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:54 am

Been through it all….

Y’all believe what you need to believe to make it through the day.

EPO’s 9:51 post made it seem as though he was assessing more than just could he hit it. He was trying to assess things such as mental state. That is where I disagree with him.

For Real

April 20th, 2009
10:54 am

Essence of the Hookup…..

Dude: Hey Ms. Lady

Chick: What’s poppin poppy

Dude: You here with your girls

Chick: Yeah, you here with your boys

Dude: Yeah. What are you getting into later on

Chick: Nothing, what are you getting into

Dude: Nothing

Chick: Me too

Dude: I got some freezie cups at my crib…

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
10:54 am

Poppa Grande A person can make a decision to hook up or nnot in 15 mins… can they make bad decisions?? sure, happens all the time. BUt the decision to hook up was made in the club that night. Not every chick a dude meets in the club makes the cut, but do teams draft players that end up being all hype and no performance? Every year… Making a decision by no means implies that the decision was the right one to make… but according to that dude’s standard she seemed better than the other chicks that night for some reason… Or she seemed like she was the easiest one to get that night… I’m just saying…

Blow Me

April 20th, 2009
10:55 am

So I guess it’s safe to say…Scratch out CLUBBING..for possibly trying to meet someone with decent intentions. I knew this but it’s interesting in hearing others say it.

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
10:57 am

EPO

My disagreement isn’t about whether you can determine if you can hit it.

I disagree with the notion that you can gather and process enough information about a female in 15 minutes or one night about a person’s mental and/or emotional state.

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
11:00 am

Poppa Grande Well I do make a quick cursory check of all of those qualities before I even ask for the number… Of course its not a full interview, but you have to look for the obvious low hanging fruit. #1 are we in the club talking about her ex or his lack of paying child support? #2 Is she asking me to buy her drinks / breakfast? #3 Can she speak in complete proper sentences? ( you get the picture…. You know the basics…
I don’t need Social Secutiry Numbers and references at that point.

I was talking to a chick in the club and she goes on about how she has 5 kids, “But you don’t have to worry about none of their daddys because none of them pay child support, and none of them ain’ sh**” And then she proceeded to ask me for my number… yeah right.

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
11:00 am

So I guess it’s safe to say…Scratch out CLUBBING..for possibly trying to meet someone with decent intentions. I knew this but it’s interesting in hearing others say it.

Blow, while a man may be down for a hook up, like melo said, most times people are going out just to have a good time. If a hook up comes out of it, so be it. Folks who want that are positioning themselves for it.

Many of those same guys who are down for a hook up are also open to finding a good relationship with the right person too.

The last two guys I dated for more than a year I met in clubs. One was at the Compound and the other was at Leopard Lounge. The Compound guy never got the cookie, and it was 6 months into it before Leopard Lounge guy got it. If they were only after one thing, they could have gone after an easier target. :lol:

SexyCool

April 20th, 2009
11:03 am

If you believe that there are no people in the club worthy of having a relationship with and you are at the club, what does that say about you?

DuShawn

April 20th, 2009
11:05 am

“Guys, how do you send your “I do not hook up” message to women?….” Most men rarely send out this message. More often than not, if an attractive female aggressively pursues a dude, she will eventually end up receiving what she desires. However, there are occasions when the man just isn’t with it. I recently met this chick through some mutual friends. We hit it off immediately. She’s a beautiful woman, early 40’s, married, Benz, big house, the whole nine. After, a few times in one another’s company, she let her intentions be known. Ms. Lady said, we’re both married, we can be respectful of each others situation, she really digs me and we need to arrange some quiet time together. I was flattered and tempted. I hate to admit it, but I did exchange numbers with her and we spoke a few times. After the boost to my ego began to fade, I knew I couldn’t do it. Months later, I attended another social gathering and she was there. She was so flirtatious it was obvious. A potnah of mine commented on it, he said “dog,you ain’t knock red down yet, she’s been offering you that azz on a silver platter for the longest. What’s wrong, you don’t like pudusy?” I laughed, but told him honestly, bruh, I really don’t have the time, energy or desire to get with baby. Why go through the effort of lying of my wife, arranging some time, getting the spot, f&*king this chick and feeling guilty, and then worrying about if I slipped and left the hotel receipt in the car or if she put an ear ring in my brief case or some shyt. When I could just go home, help my kids with their homework, have dinner with my family, and make love to my wife with a clear conscience. I stopped responding to her advances and ignored her until she finally lost interest. Ironically, I recently met her husband at a networking gathering. My man was real cool. If he only knew….

Been Thru It All

April 20th, 2009
11:05 am

PoppaG

ouch dawg that hurt…I thought we were talking club sh8t, not whether ole girl is a Dr. Phil candidate…I have been married going on three years and still don’t know my wife…but I can sho tell if I go into a nite spot whether im gonna be cuttn or not…lol

East Point's Own

April 20th, 2009
11:06 am

Poppa Grande Don’t take my mental evaluation too seriously, I am somewhat joking, but you do have to do your best to weed out the crazies at all times that goes for men and women. I won’t even hookup with someone who does not appear to be stable at any point during our first several meeting/dates or whatever. At the point when a person appears to be a nut you need to decide if you wanna stay or go, whatever happens to you after that is on you playa. And by nut I do not mean clinically determined to have mental issues but the general ” yo, that chick is crazy” type of crazy…

Blow Me

April 20th, 2009
11:08 am

I mean you never know…But the odds of actually meeting someone with decent intentions seems like it’s alot LESS in a club. Those 2 that you mentioned was short lived too. So I don’t even know about that.

Poppa Grande

April 20th, 2009
11:13 am

EPO

I still disagree, but do you man.

Speaking in complete sentences can be impaired by alcohol. Why do you think that the Police make suspected drunk drivers recite the alphabet? The alphabet is even more elementary than forming sentences.

Alcohol is my problem with the club setting in particular. It isn’t dubbed liquid courage for nothing. It can make people say things out loud that they normally would keep in their head.

You don’t know jack about her other than that encounter.

#1 reason why I didn’t like meeting chicks in the club.

BTW, some females mention the “baby daddy card” instead of saying get out of my face! Especially, if you say something to make your hook up chances go south within the conversation and they want you to leave without being rude to you.

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting

April 20th, 2009
11:15 am

Whats up folks? Had another great day in the land of sandstorms and heatwaves. Friday its supposed to hit 100. Let the ride bgin

On topic: Dudes can see dyckprints in a chicks scalp. She can be in a club, church, her grandmothers home or anywhere else. You can tell when a chicks game and when you have to put in work. As a chick gets older and more accustomed to being a knockoff its wild watching her try to convince you she’s a princess when everything about her scream “EZ AZZ”.

I was downtown today and wondered how the blog chicks would operate if they had to cover their faces and bodies while still trying to generate interest in their product. These chicks do it without t&a.

Fellas, I was talking with a Kuwaiti chick and she told me in their culture you’re responsible for all the women in your life. Her words were “our men take care of us”. This may be sisters, mothers, wives, daughters til they marry. All of the women. Isn’t that a wild concept to follow? A cat is looked down on for not taking care of his. This is some real grab your nuts kinda ish here. LOL

AmazonRed™

April 20th, 2009
11:15 am

True love can be found just about anywhere, Blow. I know several folks who have met in clubs and are married to this day. My point is, I wouldnd’t rule anything out. If you want to enjoy yourself and a club is one of those means, go for it.

Blow Me

April 20th, 2009
11:16 am

SexyCool I Don’t go to the club…lol! That was my point in saying it. lol. Follow along.

lurker

April 20th, 2009
11:19 am

No hook ups here. I cannot find it within to do the no strings attached thing. I’m sooo turned off by dudes tryna hook up. I can appreciate “straightupness” or the ability to be straight forward in letting it be known that you’re just looking for azz. Makes dismissing that much easier.