accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Why do we lose interest?

We hear it on TV, from friends, even relatives. It’s perhaps gallows humor, but for many, they’re joking about the cruel truth: eventually, you’ll stop wanting to have sex with your partner. 

That may be true for many of us, but the question TV, friends and relatives never answer is why. Is it because the passion you thought was real was just temporary lust? Is it because the familiar becomes boring? Is it that familiarity breeds contempt?

I was in a two-year relationship in which the intimacy fizzled, big-time. I think it was a mix of unresolved arguments that created an emotional divide I couldn’t overcome, combined with me feeling just plain unsexy after him seeing me with the flu or a stomach bug or simply in my worst states. Frankly, I think my own immaturity played a role, as I was then probably unable to handle the true intimacy that comes with a serious relationship.

Have you ever lost interest in sex with your main squeeze? And don’t give me any run-around about if the loving is good enough, the partner can’t say no; I think no matter your skills, life can get in the way. The reasons behind this phenomenon seem complex and varied, so tell me your experiences. Finally, if sex is no longer a big part of your relationships, do you think you can still make it work? Is intimacy still a huge deal after a decade or more together?

279 comments Add your comment

lurker

April 17th, 2009
12:50 pm

…….and if you’re active while pregnant that does wonders. I gained 27 pounds thoughout my pregnancy. I tell you though, had I not done aerobics and walked a mile a day, I would have been probably about 50 pounds heavier at delivery time. My doctor made no quams in letting you know if the weight gain was you or due to the baby/pregnancy…

lurker

April 17th, 2009
12:51 pm

before anybody says anything to rebutt…no aerobics once I started growing.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
1:04 pm

“Why do we lose interest”

Just sitting here thinking, television can be an interference in the bedroom. As well as the computer and/or work brought home. Sometimes you can get so caught up in and involved in just the simplest of task that you just fade out the other. I can recall a time of noticing that loving feeling coming on but I wanted to see what was happening in the story line of the a particular program play out. Before you realize it 30 minutes have gone by and you have forgotten all about that other thing. Or to be searching the net for some info and just nothing.

Those are the type of things you have to be careful about. It can become a really bad habit. And you know it really has nothing to do with what you are doing being better than the other.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 17th, 2009
1:08 pm

In the news..

Heidi Klum and Seal are having another baby. This makes 4 for them.

The guy who kidnapped his kids was shot today. Tried to run over the po-po.

and would be wrong to root for the Somaili pirates?

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 17th, 2009
1:10 pm

dw I met his mom early into our relationshipa and did see some things like how they cleaned and cooked for him….as long as there was someone around to do it then fine. What was weird was when he had his own place he kept it clean and cooked for himself but would stop in a New York minute if there was someone else around to do it. I gently let him know that I didn’t enjoy picking up after him cause he’s not a child and I aint his mama. I mean when you’re 30+ who should be picking up after you anyway?….

He was good in bed but sex isn’t the entirety of a healthy relationship. I do agree that maybe he didn’t know how to be in a real relationship with someone other than his mother and no she is not the most affectionate person either. I also understand that there are things that we all had/have to learn about relaionships in regards to HOW to make them work and WHAT we need TO DO in order to make it work that maybe he hasn’t lerned yet. I understood that he still needs to grow….we all do in some aspect of our lives and personalities.

MELO

April 17th, 2009
1:10 pm

After a while it was just too much work to have to come up with everything,every idea for a couple’s outing or night at home…just every everything.

Sassy,thats why its alwayz better to have a man with equal or more financial means than one with much less.A man of lesser means is bound to have no confidence to suggest anything for u 2 that costs money coz the moment he does,the qstion u females ask alwaaaayz is!!!,>strong>do u have the money?,or in some extreme cases(ur tyoical rubbing it in kind)..do uuu even have the money anyway?
What man wld find his sure footing after that??
No wonder ur relationship was where it was coz it was woman driven! U did good to leave that man alone.Hes gon find a hood biaatch with three/4 kids to rock with and she can always do thangs with him coz of the cheese cming from the other 4 baby daddy’s(thats hood style, multiple streams of income)

dw

April 17th, 2009
1:13 pm

@Sassy–you know they say there’s someone for everyone, needless to say I can see why he wasn’t the one for you But he’ll probably find someone to pick up after and like it.

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 17th, 2009
1:27 pm

MELO You’re right about that…it was a woman driven relationship b/c I’m assertive and aggressive like that…. BUT that’s why whenver I enter into another relationship I want to be “equally yolked”. There are going tobe times when I take the lead and vice versa…I would like to sometimes go “My man’s got this” and feel confident saying it. I don’t know if he has enough nutz for a true hood chick but oh well for them…… That’s by far the nicest thing you’ve EVER said to me MELO :)

dw Thank you :)

MELO

April 17th, 2009
1:35 pm

That’s by far the nicest thing you’ve EVER said to me MELO

awwww sugar,theeeeeere,give me nice cushy,full bossom chest hug,uuugh.U know i luvs u,dont u!?

Vick Supporter

April 17th, 2009
1:35 pm

I read a comment on here earlier (it was from a female) that she has sex with her husband even if she’s not in the mood and I think that’s great. One thing that women don’t realize and take for granted is that we men do MANY things we don’t feel like doing because as we all know….if the woman of the house isn’t happy, no one is. I really think that women lose a sense of the value of a good man. Now, rejection…..I admit I get pissed off when my partner turns me down, then the woman takes that as us being insensitive….sex is a great GREAT thing, even if you’re not in the mood. They’re so called “not in the mood”,but when you’re finished, she done wet up the sheets and thanking you for it. I believe that continous rejection over some BS leads to the “lack of passion” for your partner and men/women start to look elsewhere. But don’t let a man reject a woman……next they’ll be accusing us of cheating. i just don’t think it’s right that women feel they can reject us in bed and everything supposed to be ok, but no rejection from us when they want it. I think sex should be spontanious, just do it whenever, whereever, clothes on, off, half off, outside, etc etc etc.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 17th, 2009
1:44 pm

NYCUTIE…I agree. I know the last 10 lbs want to hang on for dear life.

LURKER…yeah I see people just being greedy and not excercising during the pregnancy and pile a lot of weight. Then do them same thing aftert the baby and wonder where the 60+ lbs came from. I say stop lifitng steaks and start lifting weights and you will see a good difference.

KYM…dang she is poppin babies out. I guess he wants a girl of his own. The babies they have together are both boys and the girl is from her previous relationship. She will be runway ready in no time..but she will not be dong this year’s VS show because it is in November.

SASSY..I am like you in so many ways. I would want a guy who is strong enough to take lead and also strong enough to deal with it when I do. To me that is a real man.

Hunter

April 17th, 2009
1:46 pm

Men lose interest because we start hearing every single solitary trivial detail of your life. Like the woman at the shoe store who bought the pair of shoes you wanted and now you can’t find that style and you have a wedding coming up in six months that you’re trying to lose 10 pounds for.

Remember all those things you didn’t discuss in the beginning because you wanted us to like you? Do you think because we’ve gotten physical that we want to hear it now?

You are not that good. And every time you want to rant about shoes, shopping, your girlfriends, etc just keep in mind you are taking sexual desire out into the woods and leaving it to die.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
1:51 pm

Full bossom…

I think I hear at least once a day “those are getting big”. Just wait until the “baby food” gets in.

kimmie

April 17th, 2009
2:01 pm

Hunter – You are not that good either. If you were, you & you’re lady would be doing the dang thing and she wouldn’t have to search for things to talk about to fill up the time.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:02 pm

Well in that case women lose interest after we have had to inhale your cloud of funk, watch your daily scratching of the balls, play second fiddle to the football game, wash your dirty drawers, flush you wad of morning phlegm, and pry you from the couch with the jaws of life to get you to help out around the house. And if nothing else sends sexual intimacy running into the woods watching you all stretch, scratch, adjust, fart, dig and spit every daggone morning most definitely will.

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 17th, 2009
2:03 pm

I am like you in so many ways. I would want a guy who is strong enough to take lead and also strong enough to deal with it when I do. To me that is a real man.

Staceye I’ve though that same thing about you from reading your posts.But my strength and independence been an issue in my past relationships cause some men couldn’t handle my strength and felt usurped by it. I feel like a man who is sure and confident with himself can handle and appreciate it and I realized that SOME of the ones who scream they want a strong woman this and strong woman that can’t always handle it but they seem DRAWN TO IT ANYWAY….. When I hear a man say he wants a woman to act like a lady shyt I feel like okay then I want a guy who knows how to be a man b/c the two are NOT SYNONYMOUS. I’d love to be able to let go and feel confident in my man and not like “oh h.ell let me put on my Wonder Woman outfit and go save this fool”. And NO I’m not saying ALL men are like that ’cause they’re not but so far that’s been the jist of my dating experience.

Can a strong man and a strong woman peacfully co-exist in a relationship?……

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:04 pm

And lawd forbid if you men folk get ill…

Vick Supporter

April 17th, 2009
2:08 pm

See…thats what I’m talking about. Raqi had to attack…just like a woman. Well I’ll have you know, that not all men are like you just described. Maybe you made the wrong choice in the man you chose. Of course you didn’t!! You’re a woman!!! You can’t possibly be wrong!!

HUNTER- You have a point. Not totally right, but a point

For Real

April 17th, 2009
2:14 pm

Sassy: “Can a strong man and a strong woman peacfully co-exist in a relationship?……” – That’s an oxymoron. Just like in the movie The Highlander “There can only be one!” Now hurry home and get my good eye patch ready for tonight.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:19 pm

LOL Kimmie I mean really.

If having to talk to us is the doom of their day what’s to be said for all we have to endure just being in their atmosphere?

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 17th, 2009
2:19 pm

IV REAL LOL at the Highlander reference I loved those movies…..Who wants to live forever…that was funny :)

We don’t need no eye patch…I wanna look you in yo good eye while I put it on you…….

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:21 pm

And all women are like he described? Relly???

Poppa Grande

April 17th, 2009
2:22 pm

Kym

would be wrong to root for the Somaili pirates?

It depends. Do you root for airplane hijackers? Same principle, different venue. They hijack watercraft instead of aircraft. Personally, I think that they got what they deserved. Many were fishermen who found that ransoms brought in more money. Some are even encouraged by their governments to collect huge ransoms so that the ruler can get his cut.

Sassy

Can a strong man and a strong woman peacfully co-exist in a relationship?……

Yes. I think the problem isn’t the fact that both are strong. The issue comes in mutually RESPECT of those strengths. It usually works better if their strengths are complementary of each other. Meaning being strong in areas that your partner is weak.

Respect is key.

And lawd forbid if you men folk get ill

It goes both ways. I love Mrs. PG, but she can make Lucifer run for cover when she is ill. She is not a good patient AT ALL.

She also gets that way if she is hungry.

It has actually made me more aware of my behavior during times of illness.

DuShawn

April 17th, 2009
2:24 pm

Recently, I visited a potnah of mine. We had been conversing for several months and finally my schedule permitted me to fly down and holla at him. During those conversations, he often mentioned this chick he was seeing and how she’s brought a sense of peace and balance to his life. See, a couple of decades ago he and I were both some wild Ques at an HBCU, needless to say we share an obscene and sordid history. Anyway, dog scoops me from the airport, when we get to his crib his lady got breakfast on deck. She’s a beautiful light red Amazon. After, we ate, they rolled up one. I told them I no longer smoke, but to go head and do their thing. She was mad cool. I watched their interaction, they constantly touched one another, secretly told private jokes and giggled amongst themselves, they spoke to one another so kindly, and kissed each other on the lips, anytime they thought no one was looking.
They were so lovey dovey, the shyt started making me feel like I was C^&k Blocking. I told them “Yall so in love, its sickening. yall can’t hide it…” They laughed, but really I was remembering the time when me and my old lady were like that. I asked my dog, how long he’s known her. He said they were childhood friends; life took them apart and back together. They have been serious now for about six months. I told dog, now wonder yall acting like that. This shyt is still new. My potnah said, “DuShawn, this relationship has outlasted both my marriages.” I thought about it and he was right. Dog had been married twice. Each one lasted 3 months. I told him, bruh, whatever you do, don’t marry her. Seriously, I was a little envious. Seeing them made me resolve to treat mine more lovingly and make efforts to get back to how it was when our shyt was new.

SexyCool

April 17th, 2009
2:31 pm

In the past, I have been intimate with my mate when I didn’t necessarily feel like because although I may not have wanted the SEX, I did want to connection.

JoyFulOne aka Sidelines

April 17th, 2009
2:33 pm

DU***but, why did you tell yah’ potnah not to marry her??? So as not to loose the loving “newness” they share now??? Because IMO, the newness is going to disapate (sp) regardless, right?

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:39 pm

Divorce Law Bullshytonary

1. Irreconcilable Differences: She wanted to talk.
2. Verbal Abuse: She wanted to talk.
3. Mental Abuse: She wanted to talk.
4. Physical Abuse: She wanted to talk.
5. Financial Misuse: She wanted shoes.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:45 pm

LOL Poppa I am a good patient until someone starts trying to stick me. And Mase does not get cranky he just becomes deaf, dumb and maimed.

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 17th, 2009
2:47 pm

Have a good weekend errbody :)

Leggs

April 17th, 2009
2:53 pm

Hey Du, glad you witnessed that and has you wanting to do more and show more to your lady at home.

@Joyful, I don’t think the “newness” necessarily has to dissipate. It’s what you put in the relationship and what you plan on going through to keep it fresh. You can be married 40 years and it’s still new and fresh (even through the arguments).

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
2:57 pm

DuShawn every couple should share a language that the outside world can’t hear. That’s a special connection.

Certain gestures, phrases, and even a certain dish order a certain way. The folks standing around well be clueless but it ain’t their business anyway. It’s your way of communicating.

For Real

April 17th, 2009
2:57 pm

Sidelines: Did you just as Du why he told his boy not to married that chick? Let seeeee… HE HAS BEEN DIVORCED 3 FREAKIN TIMES!!!!

dw

April 17th, 2009
2:59 pm

@Joyful I think Dushawn was joking when he said that seeing that his friend has had two marriages that lasted 3 months each, meaning marriage is a doomed institution for his friend

kimmie

April 17th, 2009
3:00 pm

For Real – Actually he was divorced 2 times. Each marriage lasted 3 months. Maybe SHE should think twice about marrying HIM! But sounds like they have a good thing going!

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 17th, 2009
3:01 pm

PoppaG actually I believe they should hire the pirates. One not all of them are working for warlords as you say some where fisherman. And I believe them when they say their water has been poison. All that traffic up and down the coast and water ways can’t be good for their fishing and we all know folks don’t have a problem dumping in the water. I am not saying what they are doing is right..but I think instead of them holding folks up and other folks shooting at them. How about hiring them to actually protect and escort the ships. Hell they took a ship in the dead of night this week..which is rare. It is obvious they have mad skills..how about helping their nation so they don’t have to go buccaneer on folks. My understanding is that terrorist cells are already looking for a way in, if not already in and will feed off of this.

lurker

April 17th, 2009
3:04 pm

Those Dushawn stories are always a good read cause there’s always a “bottom line” outside the madness posted.

JoyFulOne aka Sidelines

April 17th, 2009
3:05 pm

My bad…lol, ““DuShawn, this relationship has outlasted both my marriages.” I thought about it and he was right. Dog had been married twice.”…went right over that peice!!! Uhm, yeah…ok!

lurker

April 17th, 2009
3:06 pm

dw no Dushawn’s stories are literal

Scott

April 17th, 2009
3:06 pm

HE HAS BEEN DIVORCED 3 FREAKIN TIMES!!!!

I think that arrangment wrks well for DU’s friend coz the chic treats and tricks him like no wife wld and she dont nag like a wife wld or shld.Bring in wife responsibilities and its a whole diff ball game!

Smoking wit my Queen,hmmmmm?,that sounds really nice.Ima try that in bed tho,but only when we buy a bigger house and our bedroom is on the other wing where no whiff will drift to my daughters’s/son attn.

Leggs

April 17th, 2009
3:12 pm

@ForReal, please come from behind the bar! That post read like you had marbles in your mouth! :lol:

JoyFulOne aka Sidelines

April 17th, 2009
3:13 pm

And, I totally agree with Leggs, Raqi and Lurker on your last posts…so true!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

April 17th, 2009
3:14 pm

SASSY…” “oh hell let me put on my Wonder Woman outfit and go save this fool”. :lol: Girl I know the feeling! Too funny! I think 2 strong personalities can work if they learn to really understand what they have in that partner. Just as they are strong….so is their partner. And insteda of battling one another…just combine that strengh and take on the “US against the world” mentality. Then it will not matter who’s lead the victory came under because in the end it benefits you both and you share the spoils of your conquest!

Scott

April 17th, 2009
3:17 pm

every couple should share a language that the outside world can’t hear

U right! In fact every successful couple has secrets that the outside people,even ur mom,wldnt not know off.Thats a union right there.
Its like we see people going to a doc offices and they come out,we smile at them etc,but we neva know what they were in there for,big,small,serious etc.Its all between doc and patient.
Thats how a deep man/woman relationship shld be like.
Whenevr pple say,girl,he not good for u,u knw they aint right coz hes right for u based on those secrets. hehehe!
If u dont have that,u aint in luv yet!

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
3:20 pm

Yall know what I want?

A few weeks ago Mase and I had dinner at this restaurant on N. Highland called Zaya. They have this chocolate fondant, OMG that thing is heavenly. It’s a chocolate cake filled with a chocolate runny filling (ganache I guess), served with vanilla ice cream…

You all should try it. Very nice restaurant too.

Scott

April 17th, 2009
3:25 pm

ma mouf is pining for cofffee with a toasted, butter croissant Raqi,think it will hurt my cholestorel,jus for this afternoon??

MELO

April 17th, 2009
3:26 pm

I aint Scott, u know me! I was undercover on another site!

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
3:27 pm

They also have warm pita bread that is served as an appetizer that has this spread that Mase said is very good. I didn’t get to taste it because it has walnuts in it.

MELO

April 17th, 2009
3:31 pm

So what hpen to my Scott comments,u mufffckkkkkka blog editor, *&*()#!*^%?? :grin:

Tazzee

April 17th, 2009
3:34 pm

Raqi I’m not a chocolate fan – but that sounds tasty. I think I’ll have me a nice dessert tonight!

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 17th, 2009
3:40 pm

Tazzee you should check that restaurant out. It is mediterranian dishes. Their hummous is good also. I had their tabbouleh (sp?) but I have had better.