Why do we lose interest?
We hear it on TV, from friends, even relatives. It’s perhaps gallows humor, but for many, they’re joking about the cruel truth: eventually, you’ll stop wanting to have sex with your partner.
That may be true for many of us, but the question TV, friends and relatives never answer is why. Is it because the passion you thought was real was just temporary lust? Is it because the familiar becomes boring? Is it that familiarity breeds contempt?
I was in a two-year relationship in which the intimacy fizzled, big-time. I think it was a mix of unresolved arguments that created an emotional divide I couldn’t overcome, combined with me feeling just plain unsexy after him seeing me with the flu or a stomach bug or simply in my worst states. Frankly, I think my own immaturity played a role, as I was then probably unable to handle the true intimacy that comes with a serious relationship.
Have you ever lost interest in sex with your main squeeze? And don’t give me any run-around about if the loving is good enough, the partner can’t say no; I think no matter your skills, life can get in the way. The reasons behind this phenomenon seem complex and varied, so tell me your experiences. Finally, if sex is no longer a big part of your relationships, do you think you can still make it work? Is intimacy still a huge deal after a decade or more together?
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279 comments Add your comment
Beautiful * in spirit
April 17th, 2009
11:35 am
it’s only $25. and i haven’t picked up a souvenir for myself yet.
let’s see . . .
i can dip out while ev1 is still sleep. brb.
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
11:36 am
Melo I am a bit confused to your question but I will try to answer. Yeah there are times when I am wanting but I don’t ask because he is in his mood.
However, when he is not feeling it does not always coincide with him being moody. Some days he is just tired like anyone else. Mentally and/or physically. And some days you just don’t want it just because.
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
11:37 am
Heck I have even tried to get him out of his moody blues by offering him sex. Some days I hit, some days I miss.
For Real
April 17th, 2009
11:38 am
2E’s: So you saying since your mother and em didn’t have a big family you want one?
Sassy: Sooooooooooooooo, he did fulfill needs by your own admission.
For Real now rubbing egg-white on his lip to prepare for Sassy.
Raqi: “I feel what you are saying but a no should not be interpreted as being rejected” – What hellz is that some quirky girl mind trick? How long has “NO MEANS NO” been drilled into men’s head and now you saying no doesn’t mean NO?
For Real now breaking out his love making ski mask while hidding in 2E’s backseat.
Kym aka Dominque Deveraux
April 17th, 2009
11:39 am
@For Real you can’t do that. Public School is just that open to the public and lousy or not some parents can’t afford private schools and most private schools are not going to take someone’s bad A kid simply because you can pay. Maybe those parents can attending counseling with their kid to find out what is going on.Heck that is what should be required.
dw
April 17th, 2009
11:44 am
ARed–My brother used to say that when he gets married he would put a clause in the prenupt saying that if she got fat that it would be grounds for divorce. Luckily he grew up and has been married for about six years now. They just had their first baby and he didn’t leave when she got heavier. But he was definitely one of those that thought like that.
MELO
April 17th, 2009
11:47 am
Sassy,ur boy had baby mama issues coupled with the attendant money issues.That can really make a wang hiberanate for winter and kill the romanticism.
Now a man in that state can alwayz smell the novelty of new pusdy,thats a man/predatory/instinct thing.New pudsy has a way of arousing any man,even the uncle who last had a lay a decade ago!
But the troubles dont go away.No wonder u see baby daddies moving from chic to chic coz the moment the woman settles down and is figuring out things about the man,hes mentally back to his default phase,child suport,garnishement,hoopdy with no good tyres etc,whislt u thinking,well,maybe we need to go for dinner today since we blazed so good last nite!
MELO
April 17th, 2009
11:47 am
Raqi,u answered it!
lurker
April 17th, 2009
11:49 am
My2centsMain LURKER. You know I’m beat cuz I don’t even wanna deal with the crazies today. Please secure the perimeter. Maybe some who are prob in that 10+ time span will share insights tho.
It’s Friday and the trolls have been on good behavior somewhat this week. Why can’t we open the gates? Are you calling me a troll? LOL
StaceyeLURKER…I guess when your in your 70’s and up…sex is not as important. So should I date an old man?
By no means….unless you’re in it to win it….money that is…LOL
Leggs
April 17th, 2009
11:50 am
Thanks for your honesty Raqi, cuz we have all done that a time or two!
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
11:51 am
ForReal No always means no, but no does not mean I am rejecting my husband. It sometimes mean that I no I don’t want to have sex. With him or anyone else at that time. It does not mean that I love him any less than I did the second before.
Now there have been plenty of guys we have gotten rejected. Whether I wanted sex at that particularly time or not. I just didn’t want it with them. That is not the case on most “no” days with my husband. If I was in the mood at that time he could it from 10 different angles in five different states, but you know…
And I take that back, when it comes to the one I love “no” sometimes means maybe, or ask me again in an hour. LOL
heartbroken
April 17th, 2009
11:53 am
Wow this really speaks to me as i just ended or i should say my partner just ended our 5 year relationship that i thought would last forever. Not really a shock to me as I could see that over those years attempts of intimacy which is so much more than just sex wasn’t something he understood or even seemed to need. One of his best friend’s nicknames for him is , “touch me not”.
Of course it was great in the beginning but that fades. And if you don’t work at being vulnerable and open to the ones you love then it really becomes an empty, lonely, and unfulfilling relationship.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
11:56 am
Guys- Do you prefer sex on a full stomach or not?
For Real
April 17th, 2009
11:56 am
Raqi: “It sometimes mean that I no I don’t want to have sex.” – Ummm if he is asking for sex and you say no then that is rejecting him for sex. Now, all of that other quirky chick stuff you said doesn’t matter to Mase because he ain’t stupid.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
11:57 am
Heartbroken- Sorry to hear that
Keep your head up 
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
11:59 am
Raqi- And I take that back, when it comes to the one I love “no” sometimes means maybe, or ask me again in an hour. LOL– I SO AGREE!!!!
Leggs
April 17th, 2009
12:00 pm
@Heartbroken, stay strong and keep your self-esteem in tact!
For Real
April 17th, 2009
12:01 pm
“Of course it was great in the beginning but that fades. And if you don’t work at being vulnerable and open to the ones you love then it really becomes an empty, lonely, and unfulfilling relationship.” – This is classic!!!
LADIES YOU CAN’T TELL MEN HOW THEY ARE TO LOVE OR TREAT YOU NO MORE THAN A MEN CAN TELL YOU HOW TO LOVE OR TREAT THEM!!! KNOW HOW YOU WANT TO BE LOVE AND TREATED BEFORE PICKING A MAN!!! THAT WAY YOU KNOW WHAT TYPE OF MAN TO CHOOSE!!! IF HE MR. DON’T TOUCH ME WHEN YOU MET HIM, HE WILL BE MR. DON’T TOUCH ME UNTIL HE DIES!!!
Beautiful * in spirit
April 17th, 2009
12:01 pm
she’s closed until 11:00. daaaaaang! the front desk said i might need an appt. well, we’re leaving at check-out time. wwjd?
LEGGS, i’ve never said no to sex, even when it’s that time of the month. getcho towel and make it happen! i never wanted to put any doubts of any kind in his mind.
LOVE makes you do the darnest thangs. having sex when you don’t want to with your partner in crime. who would have thunk it?
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
12:02 pm
Leggs it is somewhat of a known fact that most men feel personally rejected when their woman rejects sex, so I figure to avoid him feeling rejected eliminate the chances of him asking.
And then like someone else said earlier, there have been times when the desire for revenge makes the she-devil in me want to be evil and throw it all up in his face just so I can tell him no. Wearing that tank to bed that makes the nips look extra perky and inviting.
But we live, we learn, we mature.
dw
April 17th, 2009
12:02 pm
Lioness-Good Question, I never thought about that, but if I had to choose I’d say, No. The “itis” might set in and make me a bit sluggish.
DuShawn
April 17th, 2009
12:03 pm
@LIONESS, Personally I prefer to relax, sit back and get fiya neck of full stomach.
MELO
April 17th, 2009
12:07 pm
Guys- Do you prefer sex on a full stomach or not?
CUTTIE,,
consider these sayings by some wise men…
1)a hungry man is an angry man…….
2)the way to a man’s heart is thru hiz stomach(sme like that,meaning feed him)!
3)and this zulu saying…a relationship is like a half empty drum,u fill it up with sharing food (literal translation)
I wont speak of the encompassing luv ‘tween u and ur mate but if u really pining for a good,off-da chain,rumble ‘n da jungle blaze!(asuming all else equal,including his mastery of the art),feed him lovingly,esp dinner.
(post my commision cheque to 4011,melo streeet,snellville GA 30532)
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
12:08 pm
So ForReal for men it really is that cut and dry huh? Wow. Tell me, are you rejecting your woman when you tell her no. Is it something that she has done every single time that she gets a no from you? Do you love or care for her less on those days the reason she gets a no?
heartbroken
April 17th, 2009
12:09 pm
thanks for the encouragement! and LOL @ For real – that is the truth!
C tha 1
April 17th, 2009
12:09 pm
@Lioness, I perfer sex on an empty stomach. I enjoy my meals better after I work up a good appetite.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:14 pm
Melo- You didn’t answer the question.. All that feeding a man is necessary is elementary
Do you prefer to have sex before or after you eat?
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:15 pm
Dushawn-
Poppa Grande
April 17th, 2009
12:20 pm
Lioness
Do you prefer to have sex before or after you eat?
What does it matter? We are going to sleep right after either.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:21 pm
PG- You are too cut
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
12:22 pm
We are going to sleep right after either
LOL Poppa I was just sitting here thinking that all depends on whether he wants to go to sleep on an empty or full stomach.
lurker
April 17th, 2009
12:22 pm
Skinny Please tell me you ain’t one of these dudes that requires a woman to be all slim and stuff but you got guts and stuff hanging all around your beltline. The friend I mentioned yesterday told me the moment his wife passes the size 6 she is, he’s putting out to pasture….or jog. Umm, he’s a’irght but he could definitely stand to lose a few around the gut line.
Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)
April 17th, 2009
12:22 pm
dw He did cook sometimes but only after I mentioned it to him. And that was with alot of things with him in our relationship. I want to be treated like a woman andnot feel like I had to mother him…which is how it felt at times. Us going out and spending money was not a goal of mine b/c I knew where he stood financially. I paid for several outings ’cause I’m that kind of woman. After a while it was just too much work to have to come up with everything,every idea for a couple’s outing or night at home…just every everything.
IV Real people put thier best foot forward in the beginning of relationships and that’s what he did. All was good when we first started dating but we grew apart in regards to careers,finances,life goals and aspirations. Just cause I love you and you love me..that doesn’t mean that we’ll ever to be. I’m not scared of lions and tigers or bears….
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:25 pm
Sassy- You call it their “best foot forward” I call it “their representative”..
Beautiful * in spirit
April 17th, 2009
12:25 pm
empty stomach is best. mine got motion sickness one time after a BIG dinner.
FOR REAL? i want from a man what comes natural. me telling him how he should love or treat me is stupid on my part. jus sayin’.
MELO
April 17th, 2009
12:26 pm
when full CUTTIE,when Full,coz if we in there,then we gon be in der for a lil bit,nothing on our 2 minds other than u and me,u lick me,i do 2,u cme on top, i cme on top too,u blaze me,i blaze u too…..
There is nothing that kills my concentration or wang firmness than a disurbance and non-attn when im on fours,gliding twards her like a lion/cheetah/tiger,ready to pounce,the lil man is warm and leading and pointing and then u hear a 4ne ring, or sme knock on the door, to take the queens attn away from lil man.DAMNT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:30 pm
Melo- OK, I got you
You are so expicit!! LOL!!
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:33 pm
Guys- Sex in the morning or right before bed? Do your ladies know your preference and do you know what her preference is? If not, why?
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
12:33 pm
Melo LOL. That reminds me of the time we were home alone and the dog we used to have a bulldog. Big and fat. Mase and I was heading into doing our thing when we heard this panting. LOL Neither one had even hardly broken a sweat yet. We both were like what in the heck is that. We looked down on the floor and the dog had climbed the stairs all by himself and had nearly passed out on the floor. That was so not the sound of panting that I was looking to hear that night.
There was this other time his mother walked in on us…Not too funny.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:34 pm
Raqi-
@ Mom
Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...
April 17th, 2009
12:37 pm
Morning wood has never been a hard nut to crack in my house.
For Real
April 17th, 2009
12:39 pm
Raqi: Yes it is. Women are the ones that complicate thing for sake of complicating thing. If I want steak and you tell me no I can’t have steak, then you just rejected my request for stake. We are talking about rejection not the reason for the rejection. What does rejecting someone for sex have to do with whether or not that person loves you? Again, I poke you, you say no, I poke you again, you say no, I poke you a 3rd time, you say no, I roll over call you a bit*h under my breath and go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and poke your azz again. The thought of do I love you anymore or do you love me anymore doesn’t enter my mind. All I know is I’m hornier than a prisoner with a view of the Bubbling Brown Sugar practice field. The only time I will question her if she has rejected having sex with 3 times. Cause it a got dayum epidemic now!
Sassy: My point was your needs had been met at some point in the relationship but since you developed new needs that he couldn’t/wouldn’t support you blamed him for you growing.
Cool, you scared of Dolphin either are you?
I believe women and men should do their level best to stay attractive to their husband or wife. How can it be baby fat when john-john is 14? Also, ain’t no such thing as a pimp belly fellas.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting
April 17th, 2009
12:40 pm
Good afternoon peoples.
On topic: Sex doesnt have to get boring unless you let it. There are a million things to do from role playing to who knows what. The thing is if you have a problem anywhere in the relationship it will eventually show up in the bedroom. You have to separate that part from the rest of the relationship so it doesnt dissapear everytime someones feelings get hurt.
Someone said you gotta touch each other daily and thats the truth. Mentally you disconnect when you go to work and experience all that goes with a job so when you get together you need to reconnect. When I was married we would hug every day when we arrived at home, then we’d sit on the bed and talk. It helped us bond again.
Remember, there are no set rules in your love life. it can be ANYTHING you want it to be.
MELO
April 17th, 2009
12:41 pm
Raqi,
,on mom! What was she doing near there?
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 17th, 2009
12:44 pm
FOR REAL…no I don’t want any kids.
LURKER…you trying to tell me to to do an Anna Nicole and get a man who is about to croak? HMMM…let me see….
HEARTBROKEN….you left out something….what happened to kill his libido? And could it be it was dead to you and somebody else was reviving it? I’m confused. Oh and does Mr. Touch me not have a brother? I need one of those!
I’m just kidding…trying to make you smile….
LURKER…that kills me. The pregnant dude has the nerve to talk about a womna gaining weight…meanwhile he’s got a winky-do (his belly sticks out more than his winky do) and losing his hair…but we are supposed ot love him unconditionally! GTFOH!
BEAUTIFUL….girl did he had acid reflux….if that is the case I do not suggest getting your freak on with a full tummy. Been there…done that and had to do a clean up on aisle 4. So not fun!
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 17th, 2009
12:47 pm
FOR REAL…”How can it be baby fat when john-john is 14?” I say the same thing. I know your body make not go back completely. But if you gained 50 lbs when you were pregnant…you should at least be within 10-20 lbs. of the pre-baby weight.
lurker
April 17th, 2009
12:48 pm
Igg-zackly Staceye…folks want you to maintain and upkeep your physical appearance but the main ones are the ones that need a major overhaul…LOL.
LIONESS- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 17th, 2009
12:48 pm
Staceye- I think 40 of those lbs should be able to go bye bye..
Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)
April 17th, 2009
12:50 pm
Sassy: My point was your needs had been met at some point in the relationship but since you developed new needs that he couldn’t/wouldn’t support you blamed him for you growing
Duh no IV Real I realized it for what it was and left….but not with any drama or anything. I never blamed HIM for ME growing….that’s silly and unfair to do. I asked myself if this is something that I could live with for the rest of my life and the answer was no…that’s all. No hard feelings at all.
dw
April 17th, 2009
12:50 pm
@Sassy–Wow! Were you familiar with his upbringing? Was he raised in an affectionate home? When things did pop off, did he perform well? Sounds like he was inexperienced in the sack and was emotionally disconnected becasue he was never taught to be affectionate.
@Lioness–Both to both questions