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Age and relationships: when being single becomes a bad sign

My good girlfriend is beautiful, smart, successful and single at 38 years old. No kids, never been married, and hasn’t had a long-term relationship in a couple of years. Her pet peeve? Meeting a new guy and one of his first questions being: So why are you single?

In another instance, it seems rather common that when a man is in his late 30s or 40s and never married, people (or maybe just folks like my mom) wonder what’s wrong with him. He must have commitment issues, they say, or that he is otherwise unsuitable.

It seems to me, especially in urban settings, that it’s increasingly common for folks to wait longer to get married or find themselves single at older ages, but do you think society as a whole has accepted that without judgement? 

When you get to a certain age or meet others of said age, do you prefer if that person has never been married, or is divorced? At what age, if any, is it a red flag if a person has never been married?

484 comments Add your comment

NY2GA

April 15th, 2009
8:34 am

Good morning Wise and Friends. Thought I would jump in early, traveling today and won’t have access for a few hours.

Today’s topic is a good one. I have several female friends who are in their late 30’s to early 40’s who are single, no kids and frankly got it going on. I think society has changed and women are taking control of their lives and not waiting on a man to complete them. The ladies I know have very good jobs, successful careers and do all the traveling they want. Sure they date, go out and have fun, but until Mr. Right comes along, they are just enjoying themselves. No hang-ups, just enjoying life. I ain’t mad at them …

Now if a woman has had many relationships and they all ended bad or she is bad mouthing men and she has hang-ups, that would be a red flag !!!! RUN ….

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
8:38 am

LOL Blanca you are going to get a lot of ranting on this topic by folks declaring “Ain’t nothing wrong with being single”. Which it isn’t. But I know that there are many somewhere that will say different.

In all my 41 years I have yet to meet an individual, male or female, who did not at one time in their lives want to be married. And would have been given the opportunity with the right person and circumstances.

And it is not a matter of just marrying any old body for sake of being married or saying that you are married. There is somebody that everyone that is single now would have gladly married without a doubt. In some instances circumstances did not allow it. Maybe it was someone that you admired from afar. Maybe it was someone that was not available. But you can’t deny that you have done it had it been available.
So it kind of makes you understand when some ask that dreaded question.

Being single is good for those who are content in it. Being single is good for those who do not possess the traits that it takes to be part of a couple. However it does not remove the question from the minds of many as to the “why not”.

There are folks out there that just made bad choices and ruined it for themselves. There are folks that didn’t choice the right persons. There are folks that were just too picky, too lazy, too self-indulged, too blind to see.

But all in all being single does not make anyone less of a whole person. You have to whole within yourself before you can be part of someone else.

M'Karyl

April 15th, 2009
8:40 am

@Raqi

Let me introudce myself to you…I am M’Karyl Gaynor…and I have never wanted to be married…ever

mytw♥cents, are you a philosopher? yes. i think very deeply, it think very deeply...

April 15th, 2009
8:50 am

That scenario sounds right outta the last episode I saw of Tough Love… I’ve been thinking about something recently. We always want explanations for stuff. But then, we’re suspicious of the reasoning. Like with cheating. We wanna know why, but the answers aren’t gonna satisfy us, regardless. As a woman in her 30s, it’s funny how you can not only be suspect for being single, but for not having any kids either (Whole nutha topic, tho.)

When discussing a woman’s singlehood:
If you say you just haven’t met the right one, your standards are too high.

If you say nobody seems to appreciate what you have to offer, you have low self esteem and need to be more confident.

If you say you’ve opened your heart and gotten hurt several times, you’re a dummy repeating her mistakes.

If you say you thought y’all were in love but he wasn’t present in the relationship, you were a jump off tryna convince yourself otherwise.

If you say you’d like to get married some day, you’re plotting to lock down the first cat you catch slippin’.

If you say you may never want to get married, you’re frigid and/or likey the ladies.

And the most suspect thing of all to men across the nation seems to be (drumroll, please…) If you say you’re happy being single right now, you’re in denial and are actually unhappy with your life, probably on the verge of slitting your wrists.

But when discussing a man’s singlehood, he can say whatever, bs included. And it basically boils down to women needing to accept their explanations. Men enjoy their lives, then they marry only when ready to do so. Not a moment sooner, no matter what.

Disclaimer: In some cases, there’s some validity, just not 99.9% of the time.

mytw♥cents

April 15th, 2009
8:55 am

mytw♥cents, are you a philosopher? yes. i think very deeply, it think very deeply…

This theory with the moniker filtering seems to have some validity. It’s still not an Acceptable Explanation for the delayed messages. Maybe my post will pass inspection by noon and my lil funny in the previous sentence will make sense. Have a lovely day, all.

Blanca

April 15th, 2009
9:01 am

Do you think more of us are waiting to get, or never getting married because of what we’ve seen happen in society either in our parents’ generation or with our peers? What do you think caused the shift from the days in which we were all expected to get hitched and now?

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:02 am

Morning all,

If a guy is 35+ and has never been married, he’s usually a toxic bachelor and has an issue. I do prefer a guy who has never been married, but divorced guys who still want to be married again are usually realistic about marriage and what it entails.

In 2009, folks have options especially women in terms of career and making their on $. You don’t have to settle for the first guy who pays you attention. So as a never married. I’d rather wait for the right one, no matter how long it takes.

C tha 1

April 15th, 2009
9:07 am

I think Raqi’s comment sums it up right here when she says, “There are folks out there that just made bad choices and ruined it for themselves. There are folks that didn’t choice the right persons. There are folks that were just too picky, too lazy, too self-indulged, too blind to see.”

Sometimes when you ask a person male or female why they are single it simply rehashes an old wound where they made a series of wrong decisions in their past.

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:17 am

Hello ALL…

You guys have some awesome views on this topic… WOW!

Me personally, Im single again… Im 38 and have been single since getting divorced 8 yrs ago… I ridee the precaution wind, sometimes I let my guard down and got hurt, but its all good, I dusted my wings off and started soaring again.

Im not one of those woman that “have to have” a man in her life, just to say I have a man… Im now at a place if you dont know your purpose in life, and your purpose for being in my life, then you are not the one. and thus far I have not come across that person.

Yes at times I grow weary wondering if I will ever date or marry again, but then someone comes along and share what they are going through with there man, and then I say… wooo, thank God I dont have the drama.

Before the thoughts of relationship covered every one of my moments, but now I am free, focused, and fired up to live my life to the fullest and whatever comes my way, I know that throught my experiences I can handle it.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
9:18 am

I am playing the devil advocate today. :twisted: And the stems from a discussion that I just recently had with my marido and two friends.

Has the “successful career” taken the place of the man in the lives of women these days?

M'Karyl

April 15th, 2009
9:22 am

@Blanca

Newsweek had a cover story in the Spring of 2005 about Baby Boomers and relationships…it was quite interesting…according to the article, our generation set a precedent that did not exist in our parents or grandparents generations…we have more ppl in our generation who are single in middle aged years than the previous two generations…it went on to say that either ppl had never married or that they had married and divorced at least once or more…basically, it stated that our generation did not seem to be able to maintain or sustain long term relationships like our elders were able to do…and that we would have more ppl in our generation who would grow older alone…meaning not in any long term relationships…as we approach our elder years.

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:22 am

P.S… why does it have to be wrong or right for someone to have kids late in life or none at all, get married or stay single… why cant it be summed up to just “Your Choice”. After life is about the choices you make.

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:25 am

Raqi… I dont think the “successful Career” has taken place of a man, I think women have had to evolve into that place, because the “man” has forgotten or shall I say misplaced his true role. Before it was about a man loving having and loving his family, not it has somewhat turned to a man loving himself…. This generation has lost it “God” factor.

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:27 am

Has the “successful career” taken the place of the man in the lives of women these days?

For some yes. I have a group of girlfriends and they range in age from about 25 to 45. All of the ones who are 40+ and never married all point to a time in their lives where they had to chose man or career and chose career. They are super successful with loads of cash, but are alone. Not like they are complaining about it. And they still have hope.

NY2GA

April 15th, 2009
9:27 am

Amazon Red, that is just the response I hear from my women friends. They don’t feel any pressure to get married and are just enjoying life. They have very social lives, I actually like hanging with them because I know they are not looking for a husband so we can just go out, have fun, kick it and call it a day.. Now if that person (Mr. Right) does come along, they all say they would be open to building/nurturing a relationship, but if not, oh well. Buy some plane tickets and hit the Carribbean..

Ms Alld

April 15th, 2009
9:27 am

mytw♥cents ……’snap, snap’…..I co-sign on that!

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
9:28 am

Why are so many black women ashamed or reluctant to admit that they want a man in their life? (IMO Your want is greater than your need)

Why has the jingle “strong, black, career, educated, “don’t want-need-desire a man” become such a catchy tune these days?

NY2GA

April 15th, 2009
9:29 am

Amazon, to comment on your 9:27 post, I don’t believe that to be true regarding the women I know. None are complaining, none have given up hope, they are not sitting around waiting, they are doing what they need to do and enjoying it..

Heaven

April 15th, 2009
9:32 am

IT’S A RED FLAG WHEN THE PERSON IS MARRIED AND NEVER SAY THAT THEY ARE

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:33 am

Most single females I talk to, dont choose career or man, they choose to do what they have to do instead of sitting and waiting, pursuing etc.

Some women deny wanting to be in a relationship so that the wont be overwhelmed with the thoughts of why they are not in a relationship, when is “he” going to come along, etc.

This topic can have a broad range of views…

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
9:33 am

Why can’t a “successful career” and loving man coexist in a black woman’s life?

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:33 am

Heaven that is not a red flag.. That person is a flat out “LIAR” LOL….

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:34 am

None are complaining, none have given up hope, they are not sitting around waiting, they are doing what they need to do and enjoying it..

Um…same for my friends. So what is your point?

FEE

April 15th, 2009
9:34 am

It can with two mature people…

M'Karyl

April 15th, 2009
9:35 am

@Raqi

I do not think that the successful career has replaced the desire for a relationship…I grew up with ppl where both the men and women worked…some had jobs…some had careers…they were also wives and mothers…so it does not seem to me that one makes the other mutually exclusive unless a person so deems it as such…sometimes a person’s career ambitions are not conducive to a relationship…but that is still a choice…some ppl do not have the desire or the emotional stamina to provide undivided attention to both…and that is not alwyas a bad thing…also, I think that women’s roles as breadwinners allows for more choices in terms of lifestyle choices than in previous generations…the ability to provide for one’s own financial well being also allows one to have more control over how a person chooses to live their life…it does seem as though the evolution we have made as women in the last 100 years in becoming more capable of independence has created issues that were once not present…and how those are addressed seems to still be a matter of debate for some.

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 15th, 2009
9:36 am

Good Morning All,

Raqi let me say I thought more about being a mom than I thought about being married. I have imagined it, thought about it. Heck even come to the door and thought I couldn’t survive without it. But as I cross the bridge to 40, it is becoming less and less attractive to me. Call me crazy but I like the idea having my own place, meeting a man with his own place and just doing the classic long long long-term relationship that if you don’t like said dude one week, well hell you can go to your neutral corner(home), recoup and try it again. And for the record, society has not scared me away from marriage or caused me emotional stress. I will admit I am a bit relationship phobic, but not enough that I am against the concept.

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:36 am

Now if that person (Mr. Right) does come along, they all say they would be open to building/nurturing a relationship, but if not, oh well. Buy some plane tickets and hit the Carribbean..

:idea: I’m the same way NY2GA. That’s why I have no desire to be a single mom. I’m off in the wind whenever I want to be. I’ve gone to some amazing places and done some amazing things, but I’m always open to a productive relationship to share my life with. If it happens I’m all for it.

MELO

April 15th, 2009
9:37 am

I have yet to meet an individual, male or female, who did not at one time in their lives want to be married

Need i say more!!???! :grin: coming from a knowldgeable lady, i wld say u on target.

But when discussing a man’s singlehood, he can say whatever, bs included

Other than ur very eloquent insight(rant),that back flip is always a red flag,esp when it comes with a contorted and angry face.It denotes anger targeted at the opposite sexx.Why talk of men and not urself,u know the topic is all very clear?? Why u holding back on the do? U,u,u…. hmmmmmmmmmm

The one who is alone late in the years always has a “good” if not “excellent” explanation..Im so very different from the rest,a cut above and Iam so happy being alone!! DRUMROLE..ding dong,ding dong,ding dong…zulu style!!!
Your right!

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:40 am

Why are so many black women ashamed or reluctant to admit that they want a man in their life? (IMO Your want is greater than your need)

Raqi – for my friends who chose career, they were in their late 20s or so and thought that the man would come eventually. They might have moved away because they got a great job and left the man there. It was never that they didn’t need a man, but more like they had an opportunity of a lifetime that they couldn’t pass up. Then they got super busy with their careers and didn’t realize how hard it would be to find love when you’re focused on work.

Ms Alld

April 15th, 2009
9:42 am

I have single friends that have no problem admitting that yes they do want to be in a relationship and/or get married again or for the first time but they do not sit around waiting for it to happen. They enjoy and live their lives. I have found that when we stop looking is usually when it happens.

MELO

April 15th, 2009
9:43 am

am playing the devil advocate today

Nope,ur first cut was deep!
Leave it at that.Why u wanna cut and then blow on the wound as if to soothe some?
Let the wound bleed girl….. :lol:

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 15th, 2009
9:43 am

You know I really do hate that question, so why are you not married? or I can’t believe you are single? or another favorite..So why has no one snapped you right up? Depending on mood these either get a blank stare, or my famous well you are single too right so what’s your excuse?

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2009
9:46 am

:lol: M’Karyl put the gubment name and everything out there.

Professor

April 15th, 2009
9:50 am

For me I had goals that I wanted to fulfill before I opened my life to someone forever. Simply put I wanted to travel, purchase a home and live by myself, complete my education and drive my corvette as fast as I could. Regardless of what others (mostly family) say about me I am happy with the decisions I made.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
9:54 am

Karyl you said it. Many of our parents did it. Successfully.

It just seems that you hear more and more these days that a black woman (and I keep saying black because I don’t really hear it as much among my white friends) cannot do both. But black women did it way before our time. And to say that they didn’t would be disgracing those that has gone on. Those back then were true strong black women. Those women knew what it meant to endure adversity. Those women knew what it took to raise kids in the midst of a society that set them up to fail. Those women took it all on.

Today it seems that some want you to believe that if desire and have the relationship then you have settled for less. And if you desire and have the career you have opted out of the relationship.

I have three friends that are married and have great jobs. And I mean great jobs. Or careers as some like to put it. IMO a job is something you do. It’s a necessity of life. A career engulfs you. The one other thing that they all have in common is the never bought into the “I’m less of me if I be with, love and depend on him” rave.

Ms Alld

April 15th, 2009
9:56 am

:) I use to do that blank stare too Kym.

M'Karyl

April 15th, 2009
10:00 am

@Ared

LOL…I ain’t got nuthin’ to hide…hey-ale, I am searchable by google…so I can be found by my “gubment name” on the net…it is harder to find me in person…lol…I can literally disappear right under ppl’s noses…lol…and not be physically found or seen.

Blanca

April 15th, 2009
10:03 am

mytwocents What comment hasn’t come through? I don’t see any in the blog spam filter….?

dw

April 15th, 2009
10:03 am

I would think that a red flag would be a person that has been married several times rather than someone who has never been married at all. If you have been married 3 or 4 times maybe more, then I tend to think that everybody couldn’t have been wrong and there may be something wrong with you.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
10:04 am

Melo Yeah I know. A man for me is more than an added income or a way to survive. I was doing just fine before Mason but I could not deny my desire for the steady companionship. For the love a man in my life. I went years without being with a man. I worked, took care of myself and my boys, paid my bills, bought a house, car and all that stuff, but none of that could ever replace my desire to be with the one. And it was not a matter of completing that checklist before I allowed one into my life. It just seems these days being a responsible grown woman, because that is all it boils down to, have taken the place of the man in some people’s life.

And the thing is they can coexist. But it is so popular to be strong. Heck be strong enough to admit what you want and need your life. And if that’s a man then so be it.

Just like woman once upon a time was ashamed of not being marriageable, women are ashamed today to admit to wanting to be. HA to be popular…

MELO

April 15th, 2009
10:06 am

At what age, if any, is it a red flag if a person has never been married?

I wld say that if they are 40,never been married,never been in a long term relationship spanning at least 2 years,are not in a long term relationship now,then yeah,thats a red flag amd maybe a good sign that they shld not pursue marriage.

I dont think its everybody who is suited for that coz marriage requires a lot of give and take.
We see it hear every day with some who cannot stand others even when they are not close to them or in their space(in cyber).What more if that person is just a few feet away…ur head will explode with rage just to hear an opposing view!!So u can see not evry other person appreciates close sharing that comes with having a close mate for years and years.They are better off on their own.
And i dont believe the lie that people want to have carears be4 they settle down with a mate.For the most part,that person is simply using that excuse as a,well,excuse.If u are really wired for marriage u are knoweldgeable of the fact that,esp with ladies,the older u get the harder it gets to snatch the one.That lie is just like saying ,oh, I wanted to go to college but didnt know i have to take an SAT etc!
So the career excuse is used as cover coz society tends to look askance on ur non marriage if u getting older.
So blanca, i wld say yeah,its a red flag but a good red flag coz not everybody is meant to be with a twin.Some have failed so they better be happy in failure.U cant be miserable all ur lyfe just coz u failed one test.

M'Karyl

April 15th, 2009
10:10 am

@Raqi

That is true…Black women always have ,involuntarily or voluntarily, been a part of the a part of the labor force in this country…and that has never proven to be an issue for most older generations of our sisters…a woman’s role as a economic enhancement or source was necessary in order to make the family unit more viable…we were able to live a better lifestyle because the women worked too…if afforded us an opportunity to have a more middle-class sustainability…and besides, it made dealing with the racist system that many of them faced more doable…because at that time most women of non-color did not work or contribute to the family income.

Sassy Me....mmmm.....mmmm good :-)

April 15th, 2009
10:11 am

Mornting blog fam

I am 37 and very single and don’t really have a desire to be married or have children….do I see it as a problem…no. What I’ve realized is that OTHER people have a problem with it. Case in point, I just came back from visiting with my family for Easter and I’m one of the VERY FEW who have yet to have any children or a husband…and everytime I turned around someone was asking me when I was gonna have AT LEAST ONE BABY or I got that “girl when you gonna get married…what you waitin’ for”.

I didn’t see it as “choosing” a career over a man but I chose school over relationships for a very long time and when I graduated I started work the VERY NEXT DAY so all I did was keep my party moving in that regard. Yes I had relationships but I always kept my priorities in check and developed a serious case of tunnel vision for what it was that I wanted. After I got my car and house I just enjoyed life even more but I was never pressed to have a man or babies and that’s just how it’s been.

Societal pressures and stereotypes say that by a certain age a woman should be married or else she’ll end up a spinster but to me thats just hog wash and malarky…I say to each his/her own….JUST DO YOU :)

The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else while saluting

April 15th, 2009
10:14 am

Good morning folks.

The whole legal issues associated with marriage make it one of the least attractive options out there. If you’re about something, anything really, you jeopadrize it by marrying. Its one thing to have your feelings hurt but a whole other issue to go through the ringer because your partner is an idiot.

Folks aren’t trained to be team players but think all of a sudden they’ll wake up and be Mr/Mrs Happy Mate. It takes a certain mindset to be able to endure life with one person, very few have it.

I think relationships are great but the legalities associated with it are ridiculous. Who wants to be sandwiched between a fugging preacher going in and a lawyer coming out? If you don’t plan on having kids or transferring wealth whats the benefit to marraige?

Prof, I feel you bruh. I had a vision of what my life should look like and I made that happen. No regrets and no remorse.

Single is the new married. LOL

Raqi, you have dreams that everyone wants to be in a marriage. They don’t. It’s so unimportant that even the church has stopped looking at it as a profit center. LOL

mytw♥cents

April 15th, 2009
10:15 am

MELO, I have misplaced my Zulu decoder ring, so I don’t completely understand your soliloquy (rant.) I post enough for those without ADD to know where I am with it all. Maybe I’m the only one who gets annoyed with re-reading those posting the same old spit at every opportunity. I’m happy with me, but will gladly share my sunshine. Just cognizant that every dude cannot walk in this light. How’s that for eloquence?

Been Thru It All

April 15th, 2009
10:17 am

whats poppin people…

Are you ladies serious????? Why does Raqi have to play devils advocate???? Why does the new 6 come with six gears…(sorry slipped a little)..lol

I’m single and I love it… Is that right? I’m 35, 45, 55 and my career comes first…Is that so?

Not knocking your hustle or anything but how many cruises can you take before you have cruised yourself out….last I checked France has looked the same for 1500 years…the colosseum is still round whether you go by yourself, with friends, or husband…how much shopping are you knocking down because you have your own ends…A husband and children gonna keep you off the preferred shopping list????

I love my wife, I have knocked down, ran through, tightened up(thats old school slang) enough women to realize that I’m done and I only want(NEED) one woman…

the world is only so big, seeing it once was enough, seeing it with someone you love….priceless

Kym aka Dominque Deveraux

April 15th, 2009
10:18 am

Raqi please lets not make this a racial thing. Matter fact I am feeling froggy so I will jump today. I am sick and tired of every blanky blanky thang that is wrong with society somehow some way landing at the feet of black women. Black women are why families fail, Black women are angry-hell I am angry because you keep asking me why am I angry. And now there is this well more and more black women are saying they don’t want to get married. So what? insert blank stare here- You don’t here it from your white friends -SO?? what exactly is your point?

You are right g-mama and them did have it all but who in the hell is to say it was not so much by choice as necessity? My grandmother did what all young women learned to do back in the day, cook, clean, iron, sew, read the word, and make a baby or two. That is how it was, no one came to her high school and spoke about the promise of college or career. In school and home she learned to cook, clean, sew, and iron. Home ec was a required class if you were a young lady. Guess what when I got to high school I had a choice, I didn’t have to take freaking home ec if I didnt want to. And my g-mama and my aunts didn’t encourage me to take it either, they wanted me to find my bliss, follow my own path and do things by my own choice not because society or other folks thought it was best for me. I don’t know these “black” women you know but I do know the ones I know and they are in no way thinking they are settling for less they simply choose to keep living and loving life their own way.

Raqi...28 Weeks with Braxton Hicks...

April 15th, 2009
10:19 am

And what does one have to do with the other on the surface of the matter?

There is a 95% chance that when you ask a “strong independent” black woman about her state of being single the first few words that exit her lips will be about her career, money, achievement and independence.

Yeah I find it somewhat easier to lay with, under, beside a man when my mind is free of the worries of life’s responsibilities. But really why are the two so frequently forced together when the questions or discussions arise. What does one have to do with the other in most cases?

mytw♥cents

April 15th, 2009
10:19 am

Please clarify what choosing career over man means. Does that mean she was too busy for the relationship like he was feeling neglected? Or was it relocating? Or was did he/they not understand a desire to continue advancing which calls into question insecurities with her success. I guess I don’t understand because I believe in a work/life balance and not letting your work consumer your life.

FEE

April 15th, 2009
10:19 am

@Melo///At what age, if any, is it a red flag if a person has never been married?

I wld say that if they are 40,never been married,never been in a long term relationship spanning at least 2 years,are not in a long term relationship now,then yeah,thats a red flag amd maybe a good sign that they shld not pursue marriage.

I DONT AGREE WITH THE ABOVE STATEMENT… MARRIAGE AND KIDS ARE NOT A MUST HAVE IN LIFE… NOT EVERYONE IS CREATED TO HAVE CHILDREN AND MARRAIGES…ITS ABOUT CHOICE… IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND THE MARRIAGE IS FRUITFUL THANK GOD, IF YOUR NOT AND YOUR SINGLE THANK GOD. TRUST AND BELIEVE YOU ARE IN THE VERY PLACE THAT GOD DESIRES FOR YOU TO BE IN, AND IN SOME CASES A PLACE YOU CHOOSE TO BE IN.

SOME PEOPLE ARE OK WITH LOVING SOMEONE ELSES CHILD, BLESSING SOMEONE ELSES FAMILY, ETC. YOU CAN STILL BE A MENTOR(FATHER) (MOTHER) FIGURE TO SOMEONE YOU DID NOT GIVE LIFE TO. YOU CAN STILL BE A HELP MEET TO SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE.