Is your partner a flirt?
None of us are surprised by married men (or women, I imagine) who can be, how do you say, overly complimentary. I’m sure not all mean to hand out flatteries to the point of being inappropriate, but yet, it happens.
I recently met what seemed a very happy couple who have been married nearly two decades. They were very affectionate with eachother, but I felt the husband was a little too forward with me, especially while standing in front of his wife. Just little things, like saying I have a glow, great smile, have lovely skin, etc. I wondered if his wife was used to him complimenting other women or if she was as uncomfortable as I grew to be.
Of course, it could have been nothing, but I felt bad even wondering if the wife was at all bothered.
Have you ever been with a partner you felt was overly flirty with other men or women? Are you sure that was the case, or was it insecurity on your part? Did you feel you couldn’t say anything for fear it would seem like your “problem” instead of being valid? Or have you been accused of this behavior unfairly or accurately?
Happy Friday!
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
212 comments Add your comment
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
8:30 am
There was this one guy that I dated for a very short span of time who was not flirtatous however had an obviously roaming eye. He would watch the butts of other women as they walked by or I would see him look pass me and watch someone walk by. When confronted he acted as if he was totally oblivious to what he was doing. Fortunately that was short lived waste of my time. How can you be such a horny hound dog that you don’t even realize you are blatantly being disrespectful?
People are going to be people, but there is a certain level of respect that should be maintained at least in the presence of the one you are with.
There is one lady here whose husband gives me and others that I have spoken with a rather creepy feeling when he is around. He is the guy that everyone hates to have to speak to during company parties and picnics.
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
8:36 am
Good Morning All & Happy Friday
Blanca- Did it ever cross your mind that they could be swingers? Sometimes being married that long makes couples experiment..
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
8:45 am
And let’s not leave out the ones that boldly try to flirt with your spouse or significant other right there in your face. Scandalous it is. In Steve Harvey’s book he says one reason some men cheat is there is always a woman out there who is willing to cheat with him. I find that to be true. You know if a person will not even regard your presence, they care even less about the sanctity of your marriage.
I feel like this, if a man or woman cheats on their spouse, that spouse has a problem and needs to deal accordingly with that man or woman, their spouse. But in those instances where the man or woman is not cheating but an outsider is daring enough to approach, then my problem would be with that outsider. And then it will fall to the spouse if they don’t put said individual in their place or remove themselves from the situation.
Cumfortable in the kitchen too!
April 3rd, 2009
8:45 am
Good Morning folx, TGIF!!!
I have a coworker who is married, everyone knows he’s married and he’s obnoxious with his stares and body language towards women. When any of us walk past he’ll stop, stare and then shake his head and make some comment like, “He sure is a lucky man.” Unfortunately I passed this buffoon just this morning and he felt comfortable enough to say, “..well goodmorning beautiful.” Now I’m not the type to flip out at every little snide comment but this guy,I know is a womanizer.
Cumfortable in the kitchen too!
April 3rd, 2009
8:52 am
Oh yeah, dinner was a hit. I didn’t do the sweet potato biscuits since I prepared dessert. I didn’t want to have too many carbs!
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
8:54 am
InTheKitchen we have one guy here who is speaker and complimenter and he is married, but we all know he doesn’t mean any harm. But the husband of my coworker that I mentioned earlier it sort of like the guy you mentioned. He just makes you feel creepy in the way he looks at you. You can tell by that nasty grin on his face that he is thinking something inappropriate.
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
9:00 am
This sort of brings us back to yesterday’s discussion? Probably the dude was a ho when they got married and never changed..
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:02 am
Kitchen we or rather they had little apple pies as their dessert. I asked Mason to stop and pickup some brown sugar on his way home and told him I was making cinnamon apples. He brought some of that pre-made pie crust that you unfold and used some of my apples to make some little apple pies. He took one to work with him this morning. They were good. I had a small piece with a spoon of vanilla ice cream.
East Point's Own
April 3rd, 2009
9:04 am
I have been on both sides of this coin:
I dated a woman who claimed to be oblivious to the fact that it was very clear that several of her male friends were subtly hitting on her and one in particular was quite disrespectful to me at a public gathering, but she claimed to not notice any of it until one guy made a pretty overt attempt to hit on her, then she said she put the pieces of what I had been telling her for months together.
On the other side of this coin I was in a relationship with a woman who swore up and down that i never complemented her on her looks ( which was untrue) and she thought I was hitting on every woman I worked with, or associated with in any form ( also untrue).
Oh and a third situation… What about when you have been seeing someone for months and you both agree that you are in a relationship… and you meet some of their “close / old” friends of the opposite sex who may make a slick comment in front of you and then claim to not know that you 2 are in a relationship? Its always hard to tell if the offender really didn’t know you were together, or if they were trying to be disrespectful in order to show off.
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:09 am
NewYork that is what I was thinking yesterday. If you have been living a way up to the day you say “I do”, what are the chances of you changing afterwards? The are slim. Especially if an immediate change is to be expected.
Don’t get me wrong I do believe people can change. But just merely sliding a ring on their finger or quoting some vows does not promote the change. The change or the state of mind has to already be in place.
I have always said, he or she is “banging that last drum” at the pre-wedding bash, chances are they will be banging someone else after the wedding has taken place.
Cougar Hunter ( Avoiding Raqi, The pregnancy magic is a no,no)
April 3rd, 2009
9:16 am
Good Morning and a beautiful TGIF to you all!
I have not dated anyone who was an obvious flirt! I have dated a young sistas who could not contain herself from blushing when a brother was bluffed and had a 12 o’clock shadow!
Ladies are you bother by ladies who touch your man/husband?
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:18 am
EastPoint that third one is a humdinger because that friend could very well be telling the truth. And that truth could mean that your S/O has not made that friend aware of your relationship. For whatever reason. Things that make you hmmm.
And then if the friend does actually know, that an even bigger issue. You friend does not respect your relationship. Is that a true friend? Things that make you hmm.
Cumfortable in the kitchen too!
April 3rd, 2009
9:24 am
CougarHunter
It depends on the relationship. If its one of his female friends that I know or that he’s mentioned I’m not bothered so much, but some random azz female, uh, yeah…don’t touch my dude. If I’m standing at his side, then she’s trying to see what pops off. I’ve seen this in action being an outsider looking in. It was a mess b/c the guy was clearly uncomfortable and looked over at his girl who was 38 HOTT!! There was a history between those too. You don’t run into someone randomly and then touch his chest as you laugh all over the place. BISH please!! She would have gotten wiped out!
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:29 am
Cougar yes, it’s disrespectful. And an even bigger yes if hubby don’t check it.
I have stated before, I will invite myself into a conversation where I feel a woman is inappropriately stepping into “my space”
.
Like I said earlier by first issue is with the intruder if my husband is not immediately aware. But if he is I expect him to handle it.
What do I look like talking to my friend’s husband and touching him on his arm or any where else? That is one of the most obvious flirting maneuver that a woman can express? How do you think I got my husband? I touched his arm in casual conversation.
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:29 am
And then it went from there.
East Point's Own
April 3rd, 2009
9:38 am
Raqi @ your 9:09 post… you should not be living a certian way up until the ring slides on your finger. In my opinion even just before engagement you should really have the mindset of a married couple in a lot of ways ( not in every way) and after the engagement all things that single folks do should stop period… if they have not stopped before the proposal. The months between proposal and the wedding should be like a dry run for the married life, so noting should change at the alter but a name and maybe the formulation of a joint bank account (strictly to pay bills)and a tax filing status.
@ your 9:18 post Yeah its always a problem, I mean often you can tell if a person is really sincere in their apology, but its those shady characters, or those folks who claim to be close who “should” know that are the problem. And yes guys who have once hit it can try to puff up their chest by making it known to the new guy that he and your girl had once bumped nasties…
Cemeeli
April 3rd, 2009
9:41 am
Morning folks….
Good timing with this topic.
Someone threw the “flirt” peg at me, and I rejected it.
I most definitely had to make it clear that pinning me “You’re a flirt” reaction is an insult, especially when there isn’t any real flirting. I also think that flirting, and having an endearing charisma are two different things. I’m a southern girl, my ‘kind words’ projections are done innocently 99.9% of the time. Expressions of affection are not purposed of me trying to capture and allure some guy. Subtle endearments are just part of my M.O.
Guys If your old lady has ‘enticing energy’ and that is/has been always a part of who she is. Would you challenge her to stop or change what is natural for her? Would her “way” disrespect the relationship?
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:42 am
My husband and I were friends long before we got into a relationship and we shared a friendly hug sometimes when we saw each other out and about. But that was different than the touch. That was different from when we were standing outside in my driveway or in my kitchen and I reached out and touched him. I knew it and he knew it.
Over the course of a year it went from “hey come here let me show you what the knucklehead did” to “hey…come here (touching him) let me show you what my son did”.
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else
April 3rd, 2009
9:43 am
How the hell is it raining in the dessert?
On topic: The married cats I know don’t flirt, they’re too busy outright asking chicks for azz. They’re one step below a 21 dude when it comes to the hunt.
As for a chick with a wandering eye the minute you detect it start operation dissengage immediately. A chick isnt looking for the sake of it. You’re just not it. Let her azz go before you take a charge over some bs. If she’s flirting she’s auditioning and if she’s auditioning she’s receptive to some dizznik. Let the next cat deal in that frustration. And before anyone comes with that I’m just a flirtatious chick bs stop. We both know you’re lying.
NY, your right. He was a ho and she thought he was going to change with that ring. Not going to happen. LOL
Sassy Me.... deep, dark and delicious :-)
April 3rd, 2009
9:43 am
Merrning blog fam…how y’all derrn?
I haven’t had any S.O. of mine ever flirt while I’m right there….can’t say they haven’t when I’m not around but hey if I’m not there….I don’t care. My only concern would be if it were in my presence and disrespectful. On the other hand if it’s me and the girls out doing what we do then we flirt and the guys flirt back….it’s all in good fun. Sometimes it might get us a few drinks, surprise dinner or some other treat that makes the day/night even better.
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
9:44 am
EastPoint Exactly. If you are not marriage minded before you even propose and better yet during the engagement, the ring and ceremony is not going to make it all change.
kimmie
April 3rd, 2009
9:45 am
Good morning & happy Friday blog fam!
Raqi said about everything I would say on the subject, including the men you have to work or be around for whatever reason that make you feel creepy. It’s like they are undressing you with their eyes! I’ve had to put plenty in their place!
By the way, those little pies sound tasty Raqi. Also illustrates what I told Amred yesterday when we were having the convenience food versus fresh discussion. My mom was just like you & now I am about the canned versus fresh or frozen veggies and cooking from scratch. Besides my little guilty pleasure of SNB pork chops occasionally, I think we all use “convenience” foods every once in awhile! Premade pie-crust is a life-saver for sweet pies or chicken pot pies!
QC
April 3rd, 2009
9:45 am
Good Morning Bloggers….I’ve always been a flirt it’s just my nature…but i keep it “low key” until i’m on the prowl
I want to wish you all a great day/weekend…hopefully it’ll be restful like mine will…HOLLA 
http://www.blackthen.com
SexyCool
April 3rd, 2009
9:47 am
I’ve dated a flirt. However, I am a flirt. So, it doesn’t bother me as long as the line into disrespect is not crossed.
Three Words Daily – Faith destroys fear.
Cemeeli
April 3rd, 2009
9:47 am
Also. If a person doesn’t behave with tempting gestures, extreme desires to arouse. Is it flirting? What are the limits?
Cemeeli
April 3rd, 2009
9:49 am
Staceye- 80s & 90s, it is.
DreamsMaterialize
April 3rd, 2009
9:51 am
Cougar
Ladies are you bother by ladies who touch your man/husband?
I know ladies care. I remember when I was dating this chick, and I took her with me while I was looking for apartments. She recommended that I look at these “nice” apartments she had heard about, so we did. When we left she seemed upset and was like “You’re not living there.” I was like “You’re the one who recommended that spot!” She told me that the women were too flirtacious and that one woman even touched me on the arm. It didn’t help when the leasing agent called later that day to “follow up”…thought my girl was gonna jump through the phone. lol
kimmie
April 3rd, 2009
9:51 am
Truth – Hey sexy-in-a-turban! Remember I told you that our martial arts class is now being taught by a Grand Master? Well, the other night his wife, her brother & sister-in-law were in the class. The wife has a red belt, but bro & SIL are just beginning. We usually start every class with stretching and we have this 15-yr old jr. instructor that can bend like a pretzel. Well how about the SIL is 49 yrs old and could out-do that 15-yr old in flexibility! She had the body of a 25-yr old, no joke and looked about 30 in the face! She was such an inspiration for me to get & stay in shape! She blew us all away!
Sassy Me.... deep, dark and delicious :-)
April 3rd, 2009
9:52 am
As for a chick with a wandering eye the minute you detect it start operation dissengage immediately. A chick isnt looking for the sake of it. You’re just not it.
Truth I don’t know about all that….both men and women like to look and I think it’s okay,shyt it’s human nature. As a matter of fact I loooove to look but I’m single so I can do that. What matters is HOW you look and for how long…there’s a difference between a quick look and an ogling gaze…that’s disrespectful. In regards to flirting while you’re right there then yeah kick him/her to the curb with the quickness if you feel slighted.
Be safe over there and I hope you’re wearing a nice towel.
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
9:54 am
Cougar- Depends what kind of touhcing.. I am a pretty good judge of character when it cmes to ho azz chicks & dudes so… I would let it flow and see how my man receives it… I am not a “check that chick” woman so I leave it up to my man..
Truth- What’s up?
AmazonRed - Final Four bound
April 3rd, 2009
9:55 am
Happy Friday all.
I don’t ever recall this being a problem for me. As stated before, it’s a sign of respect, or rather a lack of respect if your partner is going to be overtly flirtatious in front of you. I don’t have any problem making my feelings known, so if I ever noticed such a thing, I definitely piped up about it. But like I said, I can’t recall this ever being a problem.
But then again, why flirt with others when you have me on your arm?
East Point's Own
April 3rd, 2009
9:55 am
New Law in Afghanistan…
One of the most controversial articles of the law stipulates that the wife “is bound to preen for her husband as and when he desires.”
“As long as the husband is not traveling, he has the right to have sexual intercourse with his wife every fourth night,” Article 132 of the law says. “Unless the wife is ill or has any kind of illness that intercourse could aggravate, the wife is bound to give a positive response to the sexual desires of her husband.”
One provision of the law also appears to protect the woman’s right to sex inside marriage, saying that the “man should not avoid having sexual relations with his wife longer than once every four months.”
Blanca
April 3rd, 2009
9:56 am
NYCutie You know, it did occur to me that it seemed like the kind of thing swingers might try…but 1) she seemed a little uncomfortable and 2) I hope they wouldn’t hit on me as I met them through work! EEK!
mytw♥cents
April 3rd, 2009
9:57 am
CEMEELI Yes, I think it’s still flirting even if/when you can claim it’s coming from a subconscious (ch sp) place. It’s a subtle or not so subtle volley for attention — even when you back away from the attention once it’s brought forth.
Though you may not wish to hear it, yup, you ARE a flirt!
East Point's Own
April 3rd, 2009
10:01 am
I need some help All this talk about pies is making me miss ATL.. I have not been in ATL since Sept. 2008… and I need some bean pies… acn somebody go over to the corner of Headland Drive and Greenbriar Pkwy and get me a couple from the F.O.I. dude on the corner? I have been all over the US (& world) but it seems like ATL is the only place you can ge a bean pie ( or a dozen roses, or a fruit basket) while you are at a stoplight…
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
10:02 am
Question: Do any of you have a problem with a kiss on the cheek as a greeting? Very many of my hispanic friends greet me that way and I don’t have a problem BUT I have had issues in my relationships because of that.. Of course I am talking male kissing female on cheek & vice versa..
Blanca- Sometimes the women will be uncomfrtable because the man(majority of the time) is the pursurer in swinger situations..
AmazonRed - Final Four bound
April 3rd, 2009
10:04 am
Sometimes the women will be uncomfrtable because the man(majority of the time) is the pursurer in swinger situations..
Lawd, that’s one thing I love about the blogs I read, some folks lead some colorful azz lives. I couldn’t come up with some of this stuff if I tried. My life is so vanilla.
Staceye AKA Black Mamba
April 3rd, 2009
10:08 am
BLANCA..I have been in that situation and I think the wife hated me after that. I was like…”don’t be mad at me chick….be mad at your hubby”! I just said thank you and kept it moving. I always wonder why women are so quick to hate the woman and not their so called, “S.O”.
I also had a friend who would flirt with the guys I dated. Now I called her on it and she did it again. Needless to say I got rid of her. Not because I think she could take a guy away from me….but because she showed me that she was envious (not just of men but other things) and could not be trusted.
NY…”Blanca- Did it ever cross your mind that they could be swingers? ” I mena it’s cool if that is what you do…but it is not cool to put people in that situation. That is why they have clubs for that. I have been hit on by swingers and it is VERY uncomfortable. Heck I was at Hedo and still felt funny about the proposition. I just respect marriage too much…even if people do not respect their own.
RAQI…you are going to have Mase gaining weight too! But you have an excuse….what’s his?
You guys will be working out together after the princess is born.
SEXYCOOL..I am a major flirt too…but I make sure I flirt with single men. I have seen some women just do not care.
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
10:13 am
Ared- I have learned sooo much about the crazy ways people live their lives since I moved down here. Atlanta is all about SEX.. Any type of sex. I thought NY was something but it doens’t have jack butt on this city!
Staceye- I agree it is VERY uncomfortable but they don’t give a hell.. They are tring to convert a square into a freak.. LOL
Cemeeli
April 3rd, 2009
10:13 am
A flirt:
1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.
3. To move abruptly or jerkily.
Mytwocents This ^^^ which i am not. I venture to challenge him and you because of course, virtual and reality are in subject.
Words vs. Actions.
kimmie
April 3rd, 2009
10:17 am
NY – I have a few friends who’s husbands greet ladies they know well, including me, with a kiss on the cheek. Now that I think of it, 2 happen to have hispanic backgrounds, but the others don’t. They have always been very classy with it – no issues. My Cuban friend also kisses my SO on the cheek also, but never been disrespectful. I know a few men at my church that sometimes do it – again, always classy. Having said all that, I don’t think every man has the class to do it respectfully. If it’s in him to be overly flirty and disrespectful & a player, that type of guy can’t do it without it being inappropriate. He might let his lip linger a bit too long. I’ve had THOSE types of guys try to hug me & the hug was tighter & longer than appropriate. I had to peel them off me & we never hugged again!
NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!
April 3rd, 2009
10:22 am
Kimmie- My ex used to have a HUGE problem with any of my guy friends kissing me on the cheek respectfully. At that point I assumed he was very jealous and insecure because my friends weren’t disrespecting me. I greet my hispanic girlfriends that way as well but he had a problem with the guys in particular..
The Truth-Wearing a towel on my head and nothing else
April 3rd, 2009
10:26 am
Sassy, I’m about as unfaithful as they come but even I don’t do it when I’m with a chick I care about. Add to that it can get out of hand because a real dude may walk up and question you assuming the cat you’re with, mainly me, isnt your guy. Thing is he’d be right for doing it because you said, or gestured, it was ok. Either way I don’t buy that I’m just a flirt thing. Go make some other dude look like trash. I don’t get down like that.
Btw, how are you? LOL
Hey NY.
EPO, when you read those laws your like, “once every four days”? Then you realize that dude may have four wives and a few guy friends. LMAO
Kimmie, your going to be like 60 and still doing the splits too? You just have to practice everyday. Alot of those older martial artists put younger folks to shame but then again they work on it everyday. Btw, can you do a full chinese split yet?
SexyCool
April 3rd, 2009
10:32 am
Cemeli – If I take THAT definition to heart, I would have to say that I’m not a flirt. I’m just friendly. I love interacting with most people, will talk to just about anybody and rarely meet a stranger.
kimmie
April 3rd, 2009
10:34 am
Truth – Not quite, but I’m getting there! Yeah, 60 doing splits would be great!
i'm swiss
April 3rd, 2009
10:35 am
RE: The “respectful” kiss-on-the-cheek greeting…
Blog dudes, here’s a fun little social experiment for you to try & report back the results. Next time some dude lays the “respectful” kiss-on-the-cheek greeting on your girl in front of you, just smile & give the dude the ol’ Godfather / Michael Corleone “Kiss of Death”
I knew it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart…
I’m betting dude won’t pull that stunt on you again.
mytw♥cents
April 3rd, 2009
10:40 am
CEMEELI And I maintain my response to the question you posed. It’s based especially on 1 and 2… deal “playfully,” flirt with danger. This is again based on the words I’ve read virtually and actions I’ve seen in reality. Virtual examples: statements like your bedroom game is sick or questions about vaginal penetration to a Zulu. Then skitter away with distaste and distress at the response to your provocative question. I’ll leave it at that. Perhaps you should ponder.
Willie Dynamite
April 3rd, 2009
10:45 am
Morning All,
I’ve been accused of being a flirt. Wifey says my conversational tone can seem flirtatious but thats just how I talk with people. It’s never bothered her as she doesn’t see me doing intentionally or have any meaning behind. Funny thing is if I try to flirt then I come across as corny. So I’m cool being me, flirty and all.
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
10:49 am
Staceye he is already nearly 30 pounds bigger than he was when we got married.
Raqi
April 3rd, 2009
10:57 am
LOL WillieD that is so true. Some people are sexier being themselves than when they actually try to be sexy = flirtatious. Their efforts come off as being more goofy and awkward.