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Dating: Confidence & Ego

Confidence is an important thing to have when you are on the dating scene. We all think that our stock on the singles market is high, and we should! We should also be realistic.  If you haven’t noticed before, Atlanta singles are hot, successful, and picky! This can be both a blessing and a curse. Blessing: plenty of eye candy, lots of options. Curse: plenty of eye candy and lots of options. It’s all about spin, ya’ll

Do you find it hard to display your confidence on the dating market? Are you cautious about the way you present confidence to potential dates?

I think one can take it too far because there is a fine line between confidence and annoying behavior. Some egos can be too big!

When you cross that line, you should be able to tell by the way people respond to you. Has anyone ever told you that your confidence was a turn off?

275 comments Add your comment

Cemeeli

March 27th, 2009
8:26 am

Friday is finally here!

Morning gang.

Razor

March 27th, 2009
8:26 am

It all depends if you are good looking or not. If you are handsome it’s confidence but if you are ugly ladies say “he is arrogant.” Double standards. Which is which now?

Dan

March 27th, 2009
8:31 am

Confidence is an expression of self worth, so some people will be attracted to it, others repelled.

Good.

If you can’t accept me as I am, deuce.

Kym-Is going to have a great weekend!!!

March 27th, 2009
8:46 am

Good Morning All,

Awww I missed the inter-racial dating blog yesterday(I am actually curious about dating outside of my race.) Now I have called guys who were over confident arrogant/annoying. But two of them I think are over projecting to make up for their own self-esteem issues. Men who were “late bloomers” in life-didn’t get all the girls in high school or whatever- have a need to overcompensate for that late start.

Raqi

March 27th, 2009
9:10 am

Good Morning.

Confidence is good. C*ckiness and arrogance not so good. Everybody needs to bite off a big piece of humble pie every now and then to keep your ego in check.

MissQC

March 27th, 2009
9:18 am

Morning Bloggers…have a great day/weekend and enjoy the rain!

SMOOCHES ;)

Cumfortable-You know you like it

March 27th, 2009
9:19 am

There is nothing sexier about a man than his confidence

i'm swiss

March 27th, 2009
9:19 am

Kym — You missed a lot more than an inter-racial dating blog yesterday… :lol:

Actually, that topic got trampled pretty early on… Although, I did provide an educational explanation of my people’s dancing-challenged tendencies… ;-)

So, whatchu wanna know ’bout the swirl, Kym ;-)

DreamsMaterialize

March 27th, 2009
9:22 am

Morning
When you cross that line, you should be able to tell by the way people respond to you.
Thing is that a person who crosses that line is probably arrogant, so they don’t care how people respond to them. I prefer the way of quiet confidence. I believe 100% in my product, but I don’t need to sell everyone else on it.

Dan

March 27th, 2009
9:30 am

@Dreams

That’s the misconception about arrogance and narcissim (middle and the end on the scale).

A narcissist doesn’t care how people view them or are impacted by their actions.

A confident/arrogant person cares how they affect other people, just are simply unconcerned with random view of them; with arrogance specifically, they are often tied to reality by the people that they do listen to.

As far as quiet vs. not quiet confidence, that’s a personal choice and tied to the personality of the person. Either way isn’t right or wrong (and correct me if I’m wrong, but it appeared that you placing a value on one manner of expression vs. another)

Cumfortable-You know you like it

March 27th, 2009
9:31 am

It’s pretty simple, a man has to be confident to approach me b/c I exude confidence. If you’re unable to match that level of confidence you might fall into that “intimidation” category.

i'm swiss

March 27th, 2009
9:32 am

On Topic:

As Dan said, a lot of this is in the eye of the beholder. One person’s cockiness is another person’s confidence.

When I was a kid (teenager), I was extremely insecure (but then I think that is probably true for a lot of folks). Now that I’m grown, I’m completely comfortable with who I am. I don’t think I’m arrogant; I know my faults & limitations. I know I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I also know I’m no idiot. I know I’m not the hottest guy on earth, but I’m definitely no troll. I know I don’t have the biggest swinging dyck in town, but mine’s nothing to sneeze at. ;-) Etc. etc., etc….

I do know that I’m basically a good person & that Swiss Miss will always be treated right by me… And that’s not too shabby.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
9:32 am

Ok Im peeking in early to make sure its safe today. Everything seems okay, but Im proceeding with caution.

Kym – Swiss is right, yesterday was a beast! I wore my Blog vest home.

TGIF Err’body, lets keep it light today! :0)

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 27th, 2009
9:44 am

Good morning people.

On topic: Confidence is exposure. A familiarity with the subject matter or one’s ability to deal with it. Arrogance is exposure with a lack of respect for that subject matter. Arrogance usually gets a wake up call while confidence never sleeps.

What happened in here yesterday? This spot was ground zero. Wow

mytw♥cents... smitten with uconn

March 27th, 2009
9:45 am

I’m very comfortable in my skin. Every nook, cranny and inch of it. I’ve been told it shows, and comes across in a positive way. Not so comfortable that I don’t keep the Work in Progress sign posted. But I look at me, smile and think ‘ I’m gonna rock this.’

What’s comical is that as a society, we even judge how confident people should be – based on how we perceive them. Do you know how many folks seem to have the best trappings, “model looks” (so overused in the A, cuz, uhm exactly what type of model are we talkin?) really lack confidence. Sure, some don’t realize this b/c many of the ‘beautiful ones’ are the most insecure. And their defense mechanisms subconscious dictate some of their behaviors.

Another bit of comedy, DAN is how you laid claim to the “C” word AGAIN yesterday. I told you that you do, but would you admit it then? Nooo Ain’t I a Woman to have the nerve to remember stuff with such accuracy. No matter how long ago… Have a great wknd :)

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
9:45 am

Good morning everyone. Big East basketball is still reigning supreme. Whoo hoo!

I’ve never been told my confidence is a turn off. When I’m out, I’m not really approching people, so they wouldn’t really know if I were confident or shy. Now, I may be the one dancing on the stage and enjoying myself, but I don’t know why that would effect anyone else. :lol:

I do feel that there is a line between confidence and arrogance. And if a guy is coming off arrogant, I usually just let him blow his hot air before I excuse myself.

MELO

March 27th, 2009
9:47 am

Jamoca

March 27th, 2009
9:48 am

…think one can take it too far becausthere is a fine line between confidence and annoying behavior. Some egos can be too big!

I think it’s fair to say that (at least) most folks would rather be in the company of an individual who projects an image of confidence and self-assurance. However, I do think one can be mistaken for the other. I mean, do we go out of our way(s) to display it, or does it naturally display itself? How does one properly show confidence and from there, where does it tread into arrogance?….hmmm

Sometimes I believe self confidence can be manifested into condescension, which IMO is nothing more than an armour used to shield those hidden insecurities. So it appears to me, those who are arrogant are usually that way at the expense of others, while confident people are totally okay with other people knowing nothing about what they’ve accomplished.

For instance, condescending folks come off as pure-deee a$$holes, which is no good when it comes down to lasting relationships, where (I’ve witnessed) the long term success and quality of life are better served, than to forego the pompous acts of the arrogant for the humility and “quiet confidence displayed by true leaders. JMO

DreamsMaterialize

March 27th, 2009
9:48 am

Dan
Not implying that either way is right/wrong in an absolute sense, only what is right for me. I prefer quiet confidence for myself, so in that respect I do value it more than other expressions of confidence.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
9:53 am

Hey Truth, how’s it going over there? Glad you could drop in today.

ARed – I am enjoying the basketball myself! And totally agree with the fine line between arrogance and confidence

SexyCool

March 27th, 2009
9:54 am

My confidence? SexyCool says it all. LOL.

Three Words Daily – Just Do It!

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 27th, 2009
9:55 am

Kym girl the blog was HAWT yesterday…I’m curious about interracial dating myself just haven’t had the opportunity yet….

Truth we needed you here yesterday on the real…how’s it going over there?….

On topic: I’m confident and comfortable with me and my Sass and as a result I exude it. My confidence atrracts others like me so I’ve never been told that it’s a turn off….men especially see it, like it and compliment me on it so no problems here.

Dan

March 27th, 2009
9:58 am

@Dreams

Like I said, correct me if I’m wrong my boy. And I stand corrected.

@Truth

Stay safe, playboy.

To the exposure comment, efficacy can increase confidence, which could lead to arrogance. But it’s really about how the person perceives their strength in a given subject.

@My2

yeah, I only acknowledge it from time to time to prevent that slide to arrogance

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:00 am

Nice, Mo! Who you pulling for?

DreamsMaterialize

March 27th, 2009
10:03 am

Dan
Like I said, correct me if I’m wrong my boy. And I stand corrected.
I don’t if it’s just me, but that statement just reminds me of something Sherlock Holmes would say to Watson. Are you typing with a pipe and a smoking jacket? lol

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 27th, 2009
10:03 am

Hi Mo. Hows little Mo? Hope all is well with you.

Sassy, looks like I missed the fun. I loves me some blog fights. LOL

Somthings not right when Duke’s not in the final four. The Big Beast is gettin that azz this year.

Hey Jam, whats up woman? Missed the op so we’ll try again. Wink

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
10:06 am

ARed – Im torn in the South b/c I like both UNC and Syracuse and I also like Conn & Arizona. Needless to say I kinda all over the place right now! LOL! How about you?

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:10 am

The ACC, Big 10 and Big 12 can suck a fat one. :lol: The SEC already has. Memphis proved they didn’t play anyone of substance. Had they played a Big East team they would have gone out like Duke did last night! Ha!

I have all number 1 seeds advancing, but I had Pitt picked to win it all. They’ve been struggling a bit, but a Big East team is taking it all this year. It’s not going to be UNC!

Truth, Duke has been choking in the Big Dance for a while tho! I watched them get bounced out of the first round in 2007.

DreamsMaterialize

March 27th, 2009
10:10 am

Amazon “Money Mayweather” Red
How you doing this morning? I didn’t really care who won Uconn and Purdue, but was hoping that Xavier would edge out Pitt in the end. Also was hoping that Memphis would bring it to Missouri.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
10:11 am

Truth – me and Lil Mo are doing alright. About to start baseball so this should be fun. I get to be a team mom! lol

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
10:13 am

Dreams – I was hoping that Memphis would pull out a win as well, hurt my feelings.

ARed – I agree about Duke and since Im not a huge fan of Duke its okay! LOL

mytw♥cents... smitten with uconn

March 27th, 2009
10:15 am

Again, I think those who are aggressively confident, shall we say, are actually insecure. (Stop tryna think like me, MOCA MAMI!) The arrogance makes you shout your believed attributes and see who it hits, but a healthy confidence only requires a whispertone and if s/he’s receptive to what your givin’ off, it’ll find it’s way into the ear canal… and eventually the love canal. LOLOL Sorry Mods, it was too easy.

DAN Wait, you think you’ve prevented the slide!?! :shock: (If the eyes ain’t coming out right, ARED, please emoticize on my behalf!)

DREAMS Please don’t forget the blazer w/ elbow patches part of his outfit next time…

THE MELO

March 27th, 2009
10:15 am

Melo did not say SUP, re 9.47,its some other fool feeling mighty tender!

Anyway,good morning blog fam!
Kinda busy,its pay day and raining so its cool.

Wl check in later…..

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 27th, 2009
10:17 am

Sassy, looks like I missed the fun. I loves me some blog fights. Yeah Truth I can’t remember who it was but somewhere in the middle of it all, someone asked where you were. How’s that sexy bald head(dirty pun intended….it’s raining cats & dogs here) of your doin’? ;)

I’m not that deep into college ball but I have noticed that Duke’s been gettin bounced rather early for the last couple of years….guess the “dynasty” is over and done with.

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:17 am

How you doing this morning? I didn’t really care who won Uconn and Purdue, but was hoping that Xavier would edge out Pitt in the end. Also was hoping that Memphis would bring it to Missouri.

Ah ha ha…that’s why all you have are “L”s to keep you warm and dry this morning. :lol:

I’m doing fantabulous this morning. Thanks for asking Dreams. I’m looking forward to another fun weekend. How are you?

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:20 am

(If the eyes ain’t coming out right, ARED, please emoticize on my behalf!)

LOL @ mytwo

THE MELO, did someone blog jack your name this morning? The shenanigans begin. :lol:

Cemeeli

March 27th, 2009
10:22 am

Hey gang.

adding my ‘peanuts’ to this topic.

The confidence which we have in ourselves gives birth to confidence we have in others. If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated. With self-assurance/confidence you have won even before you have started.

When we have a level of humility for life, people and, circumstances, it breeds confident people, which is the BEST ward off to egotism, and other people that are ego stricken.

Humility was imparted to me from my grandmother. A great woman, who started her adult life as a house-maid for rich Whites. Who also was the family’s delegate of what we called “meek confidence”. I so miss and love that lady…. She imparted MUCH wisdom and grace into us as kids, and teenagers.

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 27th, 2009
10:23 am

Ared, you’re right but if I had to put money on any team to reach the final four the first day of the season it would be Duke and NC. They have a few off years but those boys are bad.

On a sad note, I haven’t been able to watch one game this year so I just wait for the scores on espn.com. (Drops and shakes head)

Mo, I don’t want to see videos of you beating up the opposing coach. Remember, its just a game. Do you have to pay to play? My ex had to pay big bux for her son to join those leagues and karate classes. Didn’t that stuff used to be free?

Dan, no playboy here. Just a cat on the grind. Hows it going with you?

Cemeeli

March 27th, 2009
10:27 am

Team Mom

Mo – Catch ALL the BOGO (buy one get one) Ball Park hotdogs on sale at the market, now. I’m serious. You’ll need a-lot. Gatorade is cheaper at Wal-Mart and the wholesale wharehouse. And ANY gummy snacks, animal crackers, fruits (apples, oranges) and of course good ole water. Is perfect for the lil Pre-TBall athletes.

Dan

March 27th, 2009
10:27 am

@Truth

Playboy, as figure of speech, but you should be getting it in over there – Persian women are mighty fine.

Me, chillin.

@My2

You’re funny. And yes, the slide has been prevented, I teeter on the precipice sometimes…

Kym-Is going to have a great weekend!!!

March 27th, 2009
10:30 am

@Swiss and Mo–awww I hate when I miss the blood baths. I guess I am just curious really swiss and I have learned that the world is vast with all different people and you can’t stay in your little bubble forever.

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:31 am

Truth, I won’t lie. UNC is the Truth. :lol: But it’s clear you haven’t watched a Duke game in a while. They’ll always be good…but they’re not great. They haven’t even BEEN to a Final Four since 2004.

Cemeeli

March 27th, 2009
10:32 am

Kym – Dsclmr- offtopic you can answer after lunch.

What are you doing this weekend?

Kym-Is going to have a great weekend!!!

March 27th, 2009
10:36 am

Truth!!! Truth!! (said in my best little kid look at me voice) I have a homebuying class tomorrow. There is a program here called Georgia Dream-downpayment assistance of 14k if you buy a foreclosed home . Are you staying out of trouble? Okay let me re-phrase the question..are you trying to stay out of trouble?

i'm swiss

March 27th, 2009
10:36 am

On Topic:

As Dan said, a lot of this is in the eye of the beholder. One person’s cockiness is another person’s confidence.

When I was a kid (teenager), I was extremely insecure (but then I think that is probably true for a lot of folks). Now that I’m grown, I’m completely comfortable with who I am. I don’t think I’m arrogant; I know my faults & limitations. I know I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I also know I’m no idiot. I know I’m not the hottest guy on earth, but I’m definitely no troll. I know I don’t have the biggest swinging diznick in town, but mine’s nothing to sneeze at. ;-) Etc. etc., etc….

I do know that I’m basically a good person & that Swiss Miss will always be treated right by me… And that’s not too shabby.

AmazonRed

March 27th, 2009
10:36 am

awww I hate when I miss the blood baths

But even sadder, Kym, is that you didn’t even get to say good bye to Rell. I know you would have wanted to. :lol:

In fact, noone wished him goodbye. Tragic. :lol:

THE MELO

March 27th, 2009
10:36 am

SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY ARED

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Ared, you’re right but they’ve been so good for so long the expectation is always there. And any year they do make it nobody is surprised. Thats when you know you’re good. Plus they have coach K who is good for at least 10 points just because of what he knows.

Mo, have you thought about what you’ll say when the little one loses? Your job is to turn any defeat into a victory.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Truth – nah it wasnt free but the way this child has been into baseball since birth, he better enjoy it! J/K…BNR. And I will try and remain the good mom so I dont end up like Soulja Girl on YouTube! But you know how parents get about their kids….and since I am the same height as most, I will fight a kid.

Cemeeli – thanx chica, I will keep that in mind

i'm swiss

March 27th, 2009
10:37 am

Dang… I don’t know what I did to the blog monster, but apparently I’ve been sh!t-listed… My posts are getting lost in the great blog abyss…