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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Dating Can Get Rough!

If you’ve ever dated someone of a different race, culture, or religion then you have probably had one of those awkward moments. I’m talking about the moment that one of you have said something insensitive or insulting about that person’s beliefs, race, culture, etc.  Hopefully it was unintentional, but in order to recover from it, you must talk it out.

I can remember dating a sweet, red-haired freckled white guy with a great sense of humor. I was still in my “is he dating me out of curiosity/novelty” phase, so I was a little more sensitive to what he said. I think this was a good thing because it brought about good discussion about his intentions.

When he once made a disparaging remark about black women, things got heated. Let me tell you, trying to explain to someone you are dating that they sound like a racist is not a fun conversation. It got heated and a little rough! I think he finally got the point that I was trying to make but it came close to being what ended things between us.

Have you ever dated someone when circumstances forced you to have a tough conversation about their insensitive behavior?

Have you ever dated someone new and discovered their not so politically correct side? What is something that made you dump them? Has someone ever dumped you because of your views about world views, race, sexuality, or cultural beliefs?

480 comments Add your comment

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
8:20 am

Have you ever dated been married to someone when circumstances forced you to have a tough conversation about their insensitive behavior?

Uh Yeah. But that’s a story for another day.

Now just on political correctness, that a difficult area no matter what the nature of the relationship is. There are certain things that I have to be careful and not say around certain people. My husband and friends, they are good. They know me and know that I mean no harm in some things that I may say. Particularly because they know how I was raised and know the person that I raised myself to be.

My greatest area to watch what I say is here at work. I am black woman. I grew up as a black woman. I grew up with other black women so I picked up a lot of black ways and sayings. It’s in me. It’s who I am. But that becomes a problem when some people find out that another box is checked on my birth certificate. The checked box does not change who I am on the inside. But hey it is what it is.

One example in particular is the saying “ninja please”. My friends and I said it when I was growing up when someone stepped to us wrong or said or did something that was just out there. But I can’t say it around just anybody now. I would be viewed as making a racist comment. But any other black person can freely use it and nothing be thought of it. But it means the same thing when they say it and when I say it. But hey that’s life.

(Turn Page)

NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!

March 26th, 2009
8:47 am

Good Morning :)

Not sure if this is On Topic but here goes..- I am currently dating a white guy that can be insensitive at times but NOT towards me nor my race.. He has never been checked before by anyone so I have had to tweek my checking ability so that he doesn’t go on the defensive.. Also he has never been in love and in my opinion, I think he is scared to be in love.. Poor thing :( Sorry about my rant..

Back to the topic :)

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
8:47 am

I think one important factor in mix dating is both have to careful how they put it out there. You can’t make a comment about your own race, religion or culture in front of or to your opposite partner that you would not want them to make. See when you set it up, you open the door. And this is mainly with AA’s. See how I just said that. Now somebody is sitting here thinking she ain’t even black, how can she make that reference. But I am so I am allowed. And so is any and every one else we feel and knows that to be the case. No matter what race they are.

So if you are baptist and your date is buddhist, don’t make comments about how baptist folks are trifling if you can’t except that statement being made by your buddhist friend. You best believe if the Bud is already thinking it, you actually saying will open the door for it to be said.

I have always dated the opposite. I dated men. And every man that I dated probably heard me say that women are crazy. I know that men already think that and me saying it just let them know that I was okay with them saying it. Even when I wasn’t. (Not really that simple, but I wanted to give another example)

Now where is my tea?

Dan - http://hillmanalumniassociation.com/

March 26th, 2009
8:48 am

I once “dated” a caucasian young lady that asked a lot of cultural questions about Black People (like “Why do the Black Men grab their crotch? Why do Black Women always look so mean?”).

These questions are common and as long as the nature of the inquiry is iquisitive as opposed to denegrating, I’ll answer any question in that fashion.

I did ask her what beat she heard when dancing (abc will like this) in a four/four measure she’s dancing to one and three as opposed to two and four.

So there information to be gleaned, barriers to be broken if there a willingness to confront questions with an open mind.

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 26th, 2009
8:49 am

<emMy greatest area to watch what I say is here at work. I am black woman. I grew up as a black woman. I grew up with other black women so I picked up a lot of black ways and sayings. It’s in me. It’s who I am. But that becomes a problem when some people find out that another box is checked on my birth certificate. The checked box does not change who I am on the inside. But hey it is what it is….But I can’t say it around just anybody now. I would be viewed as making a racist comment. But any other black person can freely use it and nothing be thought of it. But it means the same thing when they say it and when I say it. But hey that’s life. Raqi Are you saying what I think you’re saying? Do you care to expound on that a little…please.

I was still in my “is he dating me out of curiosity/novelty” phase, so I was a little more sensitive to what he said.

I’ve never dated outside of my race but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t BUT I think a large part of the reason I haven’t is b/c of the “curiosity/novelty” factor as well. But I’m definitely open to the prospect of it though.

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
8:53 am

NewYork I would but you situation with the same as rich and poor. Someone that grew up rich may be unintentionally insensitive to those who grew up with less. They may not understand the struggle of a poor man. They may understand why he do things he does and feel the way he feels. They may make statements about welfare and government housing not realizing how a man that grew up under that system may take offense to it.

That is another example of if you don’t want your new money-born love interest to open express his thoughts on the “system” be sure to keep your lips sealed and not make off the wall comments about it yourself.

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
9:06 am

Sassy I am just saying that I have to be careful.

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
9:35 am

Good rainy morning blog!

I have never really encountered this problem in dating because I’ve never dated outside of my race, culture or radically outside my religion. I would not have a problem dating outside my race – in fact that is where I was headed if I had not met my SO. I generally date men who show an interest in me and another race has never really approached me. There were a few in college I had my eye on but nothing ever came of it. As for different culture, I briefly talked to a guy from Sierra Leone and he was charming but in the brief time we conversed I could already see signs of possessiveness. Anyone who is not a christian-based denomination I stop directly at the gate.

Like Raqi, work can be a challenge if it is a diverse environment, which I’ve always worked in. I am a pro at it, having gone to diverse colleges. For some of my coworkers it presents more of a challenge. I have to remind them sometimes that we are not sitting around the kitchen table so they can’t just blurt out anything, especially around me as I am a manager and have to set the example.

UGA was a trip though. Now at the time, AA made up about 2000 of the 30k student body. It did not feel like we were so outnumbered because we were concentrated together. Most of that 2000 were in the 12K that were undergrads – the rest of the students were graduate students. There were 4 floors in the dorm I stayed in and on my floor alone there were 10 AA. A lot of our entertainment centered around the AA frats & sororities and quite a few of the athletes were AA. So really we had about the same amount of AA students that totalled the entire AU center in ATL. Nevertheless, there were times when I was the only AA in a class, especially once I got into my major courses. My last 2 roommates were caucasian. One I am extremely good friends with to this day. She is a great person and very progressive-minded. I felt so bad a few times because when a bunch of my AA friends would come over they would blurt out racially sensitive things and I would have to remind them that Beth was in the room & could hear. She was cool – she never said anything about it. I still did not like it and apologized.

East Point's Own

March 26th, 2009
9:36 am

I’m comfused Raqi You say you are black but you check another box… and later you say “but you’re black so it’s ok” Well dog on it, what is you if you are black but check another box???

Atltwen

March 26th, 2009
9:42 am

Back in 2000, I dated one my cousin’s housemates from college who happened to be Chinese and Portuguese – one of the most “eye-opening” experiences of my life.

1. Racism is alive and well! We left a few restaurants in Tallahassee b/c she or I didn’t feel comfortable with all the looks we were getting – by the way, I’m black.

2. I found my extended family is racist, as well. My second cousin gave me word that some of our aunts and uncles didn’t want me to bring “her” around.

3. The “teasing” I would get from my friends and family that I was done with black women.

4. Confirmed the stereotype that black women tend to be more drama-filled than some of the other races of women. Some it is understandable and acceptable, some of it is not.

And yes, Asian women are “definitely” subservient to their men! Black women, you could learn a thing or two from them…I’m just sayin’

Everything mentioned above is off-topic.

On-topic, we really respected each others culture and background and really embraced what made us different. No probs.

THE MELO

March 26th, 2009
9:44 am

I think he finally got the point that I was trying to make but it came close did u get what he was saying too.There is no need for anybody to defend a whole race if its the truth.We all tend to look inwards waaaay too much smetimes!
Why do the Black Men grab their crotch?
Can u provide me with an answer for that one.As an african man,i dont know either and have never asked altho it always looked weird to me.
Why do Black Women always look so mean? i have never observed it to be so but now that u say it,in some cases it looks true.I think its the fact that most black males….actually i dont know.Is that a true statement Dan.
I hear a lot of ignorance on africa myself,a lot of it, i blamed on kunta kinte movie series.But with kids in american day care,middle and high school now, i know why.There is nothing out there of substance that schol black kids can reference to if they want to learn about the continent and their connection to it.Where are the black historians?? When i hear an honestly ignorant comment, I take the opportunity to labor the offender with factual info.All I can do.

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 26th, 2009
9:45 am

East Point’s Own I’d like to know as well….Raqi’s post was very,very interesting.

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
9:50 am

I remember I had to take a diversity class at a major company I worked for. It was deep. It really exposed a lot of racial feelings that a lot of people thought they had gotten past that they had not. Things actually got a little heated.

I remember in the group I was in we were having a Q & A session. A caucasian asked me why is that some AA’s think that they are entitled to everything and want handouts. I told her I didn’t know, because everyone I knew worked hard for what they had. I looked her dead in the eye as I said it. She looked crazy.

Dan

March 26th, 2009
9:52 am

@Melo

For the first question, there are two answers that are appropriate:

“Because we’re trying to make sure it’s still there” and “It’s all we got that we own” — Richard Pryor

Really, I don’t know any reason other than comfort (for me) so I couldn’t speak to it.

The second question is a little trickier, Black women don’t look angry, they look like they are serious (sometimes too serious) in most cases. It’s not anger, it’s concentration. There’s a lot going on in there (head/heart) and depending on when you see her, she’s in her own world.

And ignorance can be defined as a lack of information, so you’re doing the right thing to try and educate people Melo. That’s all you can do, and hope that it’s enough.

http://hillmanalumniassociation.com/

i'm swiss

March 26th, 2009
9:52 am

The blog monster ate my post! Got to eat the white man’s post, huh? I see how it is… :lol:

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
9:53 am

There is nothing out there of substance that schol black kids can reference to if they want to learn about the continent and their connection to it.Where are the black historians?? When i hear an honestly ignorant comment, I take the opportunity to labor the offender with factual info.All I can do.

Melo – And your efforts are much appreciated. They would also be useful when people make ignorant and stereotypical comments about AA women & men on this very blog.

Dan

March 26th, 2009
9:55 am

I think Raqi’s saying that she acknowledges the other part of her heritage. No one in my family checks just one box on that application. But like most people of “mixed” race, you identify yourself with what you are acculturated with.

http://hillmanalumniassociation.com/

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
9:56 am

Dan – You explained the anger vs serious look very eloquently. People have told me when they see me from a distance when I’m out I look “mean”. Not mean, just serious and concentrating on what I’m doing! They know if I see them I’m all smiles!

Cumfortable-You know you like it

March 26th, 2009
9:56 am

Raqiare you mixed and identify with your blackness more? Thats my take-a-way from your very long post.

i'm swiss

March 26th, 2009
9:57 am

Let’s try this again…

“I did ask her what beat she heard when dancing”

Dan — LMWAO! Um, yeah… my people, we don’t dance so good…. :lol:

But seriously, let me address my people’s dancing deficiencies. It’s not that we all completely lack rhythm (okay, some of us do), but for whatever reason, white people have an unnatural fear of looking ridiculous. So much so that we tense up like a straight dude at prostate exam when it comes time to hit the dance floor. Ironically, because we’re so tense & nervous we end up looking even more ridiculous. That’s why I don’t even attempt to dance unless I’ve have at least a couple of stiff drinks. At least then I don’t care that I look stupid… :lol:

Rell - RIP PIMP C

March 26th, 2009
9:57 am

And yes, Asian women are “definitely” subservient to their men! Black women, you could learn a thing or two from them…I’m just sayin’

- maybe….we all could learn a lil more not just black women. Problem is US the men…we take anything or will suffer thru a lackluster women because she has a fat azz or some other body part that makes the thirsty aggin buck there eyes….folks will only mess with you when dating outside the box when they feel its not geniune or you just trying it out because you keep getting killed by your own race…thats why you got the flack…but if you have been know to spit at the exotic or white chick then i would have been no problem…for me i am dating who i like middle fanga to all those that dont like it

@ny…i would say keep one eye open on the current dude…he playing that role real good…and your natural instincts of change and nuturing are taking over….just pump ya brakes some…..iamjustsaying….oo and this is my advice

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
10:02 am

maybe….we all could learn a lil more not just black women.

Thank you for that, Rell.

THE MELO

March 26th, 2009
10:02 am

Got to eat the white man’s post, huh? funny dude,hilarious Swiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man,im crashing in at the wedding,cant miss it for nothin’.You will have to take the loss coz the Ms might not be generous with her benefits that nitetell me,who was that black dude holding his crotch at the bridal table all afternoon and looking at the bride-maids,ha,tell me now swiss,who was that!!????

i'm swiss

March 26th, 2009
10:04 am

Dang! It ate another one! Geez, the blog must really be hungry this morning — it’s only eating the long ones…

i'm swiss

March 26th, 2009
10:06 am

“I did ask her what beat she heard when dancing” — LMWAO, Dan. I’ve tried twice now to offer some insight into my people’s dancing deficiencies, but the blog ate it both times. Guess it’s meant to remain a secret… :lol:

abc

March 26th, 2009
10:08 am

What was the disparaging remark that freckled-faced white guy had about black women?

NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!

March 26th, 2009
10:11 am

Rell- My eyes are always open.. Everything I mentioned was my observations, not anything more than that so I appreciate your advice ;) I am a nurturer but not a converter..

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
10:13 am

What I am saying is when I was born there was a race printed on my birth certificate. But my parents did not raise me saying “you are of XYZ race”. 75% of the kids in my neighborhood had the same skin color and some lighter than mine. I grew up with those “like me”. We all looked pretty much the same and we all grew to act the same and speak the same. It’s all I knew and I loved it. I love it today. When I got older I then got knowledge that what I am and what my birth cert says that I am don’t match. However that didn’t change what is in my heart. But as I grew and ventured out in this mad mean world I was met with the occasions where I had to check or write out what is on my bc for legal reasons. And because of that, in instances like here at work, some people will not cut me the slack that I was given among my peers while growing up. I cannot say black women are XYZ despite the fact I am including myself as in the XYZ. I can’t use the same playful however harmless slurs around just anybody as I did before.

I found out the hard way. A lady that used to work here tried to have me written up for saying “ninja please”. I thought nothing of it when I said it because it has never been a problem. Needless to say nothing ever became of it because I had several AA men and women speak on my behalf that I meant nothing of it just like they don’t mean anything when they say it. Because I am black just like them. :smile:

Leggs

March 26th, 2009
10:13 am

Good morning everyone.

Raqi said another box is checked on her birth certificate. Her parents checked the box not her.

I’ve never dated outside my race, but not opposed to it.

I’ve never used the “N” word a day in my life.

I didn’t fall out the bed last night. Life is good!

Atltwen

March 26th, 2009
10:14 am

Rell – .folks will only mess with you when dating outside the box when they feel its not geniune or you just trying it out because you keep getting killed by your own race…

That may be true, I don’t know. However, yes, I had my heart broken by a black female prior, but it didn’t turn me off to them. It just so happened next chick was Chinese and there attributes fit my personality in some cases, much better than women of my race: private, patient, quiet..things like that.

All that being said, I love me some black women – very strong physically and mentally, passionate, and that hour-glass shape is to die for!

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

March 26th, 2009
10:14 am

ATLTWEN….”And yes, Asian women are “definitely” subservient to their men! Black women, you could learn a thing or two from them…I’m just sayin’”….GTFOH! I am sub NOTHING to any human! Why are you supposed to be like a bloody child or some kind of slave? I mean that is the same thinking that slave masters had about slaves. Now that was wrong. But when we talk gender..it’s ok! So a woman’s happiness or her feelings do not matter huh? Again…GTFOH!

DAN…”. It’s not anger, it’s concentration. There’s a lot going on in there (head/heart) and depending on when you see her, she’s in her own world.” :smile: KUDOS Dan! So true.

JtJ

March 26th, 2009
10:14 am

Mornin Ya’ll,

Never dated outside my race or religion. I considered it in the past, especially when I started getting approached by a few. I never felt the need to explore it beyond wondering…..My boyfriend dated outside his race and he states there is a difference tween AA women and Caucasians. To him….she seemed more eager to please, almost too eager…and he never felt like he got to know the real her. She said yes to mostly everything, even the dumb stuff he asked…just to see what her answer would be.

In the South, racism is alive and well…..especially in my family. When my cousin went off and married a white girl and brought her around the family for the 1st time…my racist uncles didn’t make any excuses for thier crass, racist remarks in that girl’s face. Her family ended up diswoning her and she later divorced my cousin and remarried another black man…who ain’t worth a second blink!

As far as religion….I don’t budge on that one…..if you don’t believe in God and his son Jesus……keep it moving. I am not entertaining the thought of being Muslim, Budhhist, or anything else.

In the workplace, I have to watch my comments at times as well…I know what to not to say and to whom. And I will not entertain the likes of any fool who doesn’t know what is/not appropriate to say around any race.

East Point's Own

March 26th, 2009
10:16 am

The Melo Well about Africa, there is plenty about real life in Africa, you just have to seek it out. In school they don’t focus much on Africa period whether it be about 200-300 years ago or Africa today… but the book stores and libraries have many books with many perspectives on Africa.
The problem is that folks don’t actively seek out info on Africa, and there is very little media produced in Africa that makes it across the Oceans… another problem is the 1000’s of languages and dialects spoken/written on the Continent, that makes it hard to get every story translated into English.

Also I will go one step further and say that until a people have their basic needs met safety from violence, sufficient food and clean water, etc… documenting history and making movies takes a back seat…

Instead of taking that trip to Cancun or Jamaica for the third time more Americans should visit Africa and see what its all about for ourselves and with the weak value of most African currency it turns out to be much cheaper.

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
10:18 am

abc it was probably something that a black man could have got away with saying. Am I correct WiseDiva?

Rell - RIP PIMP C

March 26th, 2009
10:20 am

attributes fit my personality in some cases..

explain please…because i have dated ALOT of asian women…i was either stationed or deployed to the far east and while yes they where subservant and real cool..they also where like any other women when they felt taken for granted…..so they are not the gold standard by far…the gold standard from my experience is simple cooperation and the willingness of two people to both view the importance of the relationship..no matter the color or creed of the women…this is 2009 right

To him….she seemed more eager to please, almost too eager…and he never felt like he got to know the real her. She said yes to mostly everything, even the dumb stuff he asked

whats wrong with a women playing her natural beta role to your alpha…some men are so use to losing they cant tell when they are winning!!!

JtJ

March 26th, 2009
10:21 am

@ Dan….I often get that “I look mean comment from guys” …I am always in thinking mode, so maybe that is it. I must admit that may they think we should smile 24/7…idk?
I am far from mean and can’t stand to see someone get dismissed or dealt with in a rude way……like at the clubs, when a guy goes over to speak to a girl and she blows him off by waving her hand and walking off….That is so rude to me and I have never done that….even if he was “tow up from da flo up”! I say,’ Thank you, but I am not interested.

THE MELO

March 26th, 2009
10:21 am

GTFOH! I am sub NOTHING to any human!

Staceye,geeeerl,u GTFOH! Why does learning sme from somebody have to mean u are sub to them :???: Learning also does not mean u have to adopt what u learn as yours.It just means u understand better about the other.For all we know,asian women may be subservient in some things but not in others…so we need to watch our perceived stereotypes of other pple.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

March 26th, 2009
10:24 am

OK I am confused…one minute Black women are praised for being strong mentally and physically…but in the same breath our strength is a negative! Wat di rass….

And please do nto come with the knowing when to crap. This is not Texas hold…know when to fold them. If I am strong woman today…newsflash…I’ll still be one tomorrow! Why is it that the woman is the one who is supposed to play the bloody ego chameleon? If I have to lower myself to may a guy feel better about himself that speaks loudly about his lack of manhood. Why is he so threatened by a woman who will not play the damsel in distress? Ok if there is somethign I can not do then that is when I will ask for help. But what is the point of playing games of, “oh I can’t do this….help me” when if this man was not around I’d do it anyway. I am no longer a kid…games do not amuse me. So if you claim to a “Real Man” then my strenth should be a catalsyt…or that push that will alwasy keep you on your toes and aspire to be better…not get complacent because nobody is challenging. That to me is a lazy boy in a grown man’s body. Now take off your Under-Roos and put on your big boys draws and man up.

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
10:25 am

Rell – Maybe he just wanted someone with more backbone, not a “yes” woman. Remember that chick that Eddie Murphy’s parents had arranged for him to marry on Coming to America? Might seem fun at first, but I imagine it gets old. So no, he didn’t feel he was “winning”.

AmazonRed

March 26th, 2009
10:28 am

Have you ever dated someone new and discovered their not so politically correct side?

I’m politically incorrect enough for black people. I need not bring my mouth into other races and religions. So I’ll just stick to what I know. :lol:

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

March 26th, 2009
10:28 am

MELO…learning of what others do is fine…does not mean I have to agree wiht it…like it or integrate any of it into my everyday life. Hey I learned how Middle Eastern woman are treated. Their lives dpends on so much because they can be killed for anything. She gets raped and they blame her and so no “shame” comes to the family…the do a “honor killing”. Just because I learned about it…that means what???

AmazonRed

March 26th, 2009
10:29 am

Oy vey. I forgot to wish everyone a good rainy Thursday morning! :)

East Point's Own

March 26th, 2009
10:31 am

Maybe its just me.. but I am an African American dude… and I see African American women who look mean all the time… there is a difference between a person who has a look of determination and focus, and a person who just looks plain mean and angry.

On another note… I think a lot of African Americans folks especially older folks and I hate to say it but I can find no other words for it, but our country/rural cousins who don’t interact often with people of thoer races have a feeling that we ( the minority) can say whatever we want about folks of European descent and its ok. I won’t go as far as to say reversed racism, but if you are african american and you take a date of another race around family you are likely to hear some crude comments or jokes.

I am somewhat lucky to have 2 uncles (actually they are my mother’s uncles so I don’t know what that makes them 2nd uncles???)who married women of other races back in the 60’s and 70’s so I think my family has gotten past that, and the folks in my family of different races are treated just like everybody else.

JtJ

March 26th, 2009
10:33 am

@ Rell…”whats wrong with a women playing her natural beta role to your alpha…some men are so use to losing they cant tell when they are winning!!!

Come on, now you know ain’t nothing natural about not being true to yourself. If he told to jump around on one foot and bark like a dog….crazy heffa probably would have done that, too. No relationship that causes one to lose their own sense of self will ever thrive. Eventually, he or she would get tired of the charades and their true character and personality would come forth.

But heck, I am glad he recognized that or else he wouldn’t have such as Well-Rounded, Motivated, Honest, & Fine person such as MYSELF!!!!

Rell - RIP PIMP C

March 26th, 2009
10:34 am

and I see African American women who look mean all the time… there is a difference between a person who has a look of determination and focus, and a person who just looks plain mean and angry.

SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!!

SexyCool

March 26th, 2009
10:35 am

It is my opinion that the Black Women (and Men) look mean stereotype comes from movies and the media. For the longest time, when we were portrayed (if at all) it was as shuckin’-and-jivin’-yessuh’in’-yesmam’in’ slaves and minstrels and mammies and comedians.

Other folk came to expect that all of us were that way.

At least that the view from MY window on the world.

Three Words Daily – Visualization is Faith!

Angie aka Ms. Interpret

March 26th, 2009
10:36 am

kinda off topic but not really . . .

**What is something that made you dump them?**

i went on a blind date not to long ago where a second date was not lookin’ good. he wore braids going back and had a gold tooth in the front, plus he was shorter than me. why couldn’t i have tried to look past those three issues? he was a sweet guy and he was sweet on me. for valentines day, that friday, he had flowers delivered to my job. i enjoyed them the best i could. :o (

Dan

March 26th, 2009
10:36 am

@Staceye

It’s the Damacles sword – darned if you do, darned if you don’t

There’s nothing wrong with being a strong woman, there’s nothing wrong when you’re in that “world”, but for me, my problem comes when I see a woman that may acknowledge my physical prescence, but it goes no further.

I can dig it that you’re busy- get that money; but there are times and circumstances where the concentration on that subject shuts out the rest of the world (for men and women). My thing is nothing is that serious.

Admittedly a guy will “snap to” when he sees a nice looking woman, but women don’t do it as often. When they do, you can feel the compliment; when they don’t, it can feel like a dis.

That said, when you out at the club with the party dress on, you’re there to relax, so the mean mugg in those situations are just unnecessary.

http://hillmanalumniassociation.com/

Raqi

March 26th, 2009
10:45 am

EastPoint I was watching a comedian on television once. I had seen him a few times. He is married to a black woman. The comedian that was on before him was black and he made all kinds of racial jokes about white people and the ever popular “ninja”. The audience was probably 95% black and the crowd laughed hysterically at the black man jokes. Then white guy came out, guess who all of his jokes were centered around? White folks. The only references he made to blacks is how goofy he looks standing beside his beautiful black wife and how he falls short to how the black can please a black woman. He knew he better not say anything other than that.

What’s okay for one is not okay for all.

kimmie

March 26th, 2009
10:46 am

EPO – Have you had any positive experiences with AA women? Remember this is what I asked you about the other day – an abundance of the negetive, but very little positive from you. And like I’ve said before, if you’re meeting up with the same negetive kind all the time, might be time to look at self. I mean, if you set out looking for the negetive stereotype all the time, you are sure to find it! Just a thought!