accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are Men Still Hunters?

I receive a lot of emails from the single women in Atlanta who are frustated with the current state of dating. Their frustrations range from “Where are all the available men? I can’t find them?! to “Why don’t men approach?”. One reader asked a great question: Are modern men hunters? That is a fair question, I think. Women don’t always know when to recognize when a guy is “hunting”.  There are times that we view their behavior as being a player, pimp, or whatever term they are using these days to describe babe magnets.

So ladies, do you consider men to still be the hunters? Do you feel, well..hunted? From your experiences and observations, do guys still go after what they want? When you are mixing and mingling, do you think men are a little lazy? From the cold approach, information exchange, and follow-up, how have Atlanta men fared with you?

Guys, we always appreciate your inside into the male mind! Break it down for us: are you still the hunter? How do you use modern technology in your hunting techniques? Have you relied on them heavily? Do you think it’s too much of a crutch?

Happy Monday everyone! What a beautiful weekend we just had! I love Atlanta in the Spring!

354 comments Add your comment

Raqi

March 23rd, 2009
8:39 am

My brother was in town this weekend. He was talking about today’s women and he said “women don’t know what hell they want these days”.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
8:42 am

Top of the morning to ye!

Hunting…

Is different these days, the prey is not nearly as visible as “back in the day”. There’s more camoflauge (and flauge in general) to really be able to assess whether the prey is good meat or poison.

These days too, the hunt takes so long and so much effort is expended (needlessly) that, as a man, you’ll either starve or be ill from the foul diet.

As far as the approach, my position has been well detailed, no need to further elaborate.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
8:50 am

Like Raqi’s Brother said… Ladies don’t know what they want these days. We all know how many women go through the “I weant a thug” phase… But now women are on a ” I want a gentleman Thug iwho wears a suit & who works 9-to 5… and maybe sells a little weed on the side” kick. And by the time these women realize that they have had 2 or 3 good regular dudes try to holla its too late and we have moved on.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
8:57 am

At the same time like Wise stated now days no matter what you say to a woman they all think you are some type of player… I mean a guy can’t even do the simple ” hello my name is…” thing without catching an attitude.

And I think the #1 problem is this… when women go out to have fun they are in groups of 3 or more usually… and this is a terribletime to try to holla. When women do go out alone they are usually not in a mood to be recpetive, I mean the old days of meeting a woman at the grocery store, in the elevator, or the gym are gone, because women in those places put up the extra high wall and do all possible to get avoid contact with the opposite sex.

Since when is simply talking such a bad thing??? If you don’t like a dude or his conversation it will be over in a few minutes and you will have something to laugh at later… but don’t try so hard to avoid contact…be nice.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
9:04 am

EPO

“be nice..” Cousin, that’s like asking a abused child to “be brave”.

In truth a lot of ladies have very valid reasons for being defensive with their emotions, bodies, etc. Guys are dogs…he said while barking incessantly

But we eventually get over that one really bad hurt (usually at the expense of another woman), some of these ladies can NOT LET IT GO.

That one dude has forever shaped the prism of their perspective and it’ll take a guy willing to deal with a LOT to get past it.

That’s why I’m bumper crop hunting (older and younger) the youngens’ had been that deeply cut, and the older ladies have gotten over it. The ones in between though…..whew…

C tha 1

March 23rd, 2009
9:05 am

In short, men hunt aggressively in their twenties. But in pursuing in that manner we expend alot of energy on women we shouldn’t even bother with…no how fine she is. Eventually, men learn to make wiser choices in who they persue.

Kym

March 23rd, 2009
9:05 am

Good Morning All,

IMHO Men between the ages of 40 and 55 are the hunters(by they way I am not sure that is right term) They are more experienced in the “courting/mating” process than those 38-25. Maybe it’s generational..I don’t know but I do know that men of the younger age group are spoiled and clueless and frankly they are perfect for the women who are 38-25. I firmly believe that you have to teach a person how to treat you, and for so long many women in the 38-25 age group have let the men they run into treat them any old kind of way(present company included). They set no boundaries and so you get this group of men who have no boundaries.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2009
9:06 am

Good morning everyone. I think men should be hunters.

East Point’s Own, too bad we haven’t met! :wink:

For those of you who know me, please check your email.

BTW, what is “flauge?”

Poppa Grande

March 23rd, 2009
9:23 am

Leggs

“flauge?

Pretending to be something that you aren’t. That is how it is defined in the urban dictionary.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
9:24 am

“flauge” to stunt; to “put on heirs”; to pretend to be someone that you are not; see also: “having champange tastes on a beer budget”.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
9:28 am

Dan Well Dan that’s what life and adulthood are about. If you are so simple that you can not realize that every human is different and I have nothing to do with the last dude… then you have some growing to do.

Now on the other side of that same token I say yeah you got a lot of dudes who are not worth $.02… but its on the ladies to cut these losers off before investing too much into them… there are obvious signs from day 1, but you can’t chose to overlook things that you know you can’t deal with. My point is that getting to know folks and dating is not a bad thing, its ok to date for a short while and it not work out… that’s part of life, there is no reason to go around trying to avoid making contact and then complaining about not meeting men… I am not the one to keep trying to holla once you give me the cold shoulder 1 time. I have probably already forgotten about you by the end of my next drink. Playing hard to get will get you forgotten about round here.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
9:29 am

Dan Oh yeah I was not calling you simple… I was treferring to folks who think like that… LoL

DreamsMaterialize

March 23rd, 2009
9:32 am

Morning
Women aren’t my victims, so I don’t “hunt” them. I court them. Maybe that’s the problem, men and women see it as a hunt. Well, the hunter sees it’s prey as something that needs to be deveoured at any cost, and the hunted AVOIDS being caught. But in a courting scenario both parties are actively contributing to the process. I vibe with you, and if you like it you vibe back.

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 23rd, 2009
9:33 am

So ladies, do you consider men to still be the hunters? Do you feel, well..hunted? From your experiences and observations, do guys still go after what they want? When you are mixing and mingling, do you think men are a little lazy? From the cold approach, information exchange, and follow-up, how have Atlanta men fared with you?

I like to be “hunted” or “pursued” but depending on where you are and the caliber of men present that may or not happen. HOWEVER, I have my moments where I may advance first(tastefully of course) b/c I’m assertive and aggressive like that. I think there are many shades to consider with a topic like this one b/c at some point any of these things can/may have already happened. When a man wants what he wants he will hunt and persue until he either gets what he wants or realizes that his hunt is futile(unfortunately some don’t always get it but I digress)….now there are some men that have ALWAYS gotten “it” thrown their way and as a result have gotten lazy and that’s just as big a turn off as bad breath.

I’ve experienced the hunter and the passive lazy boy(I don’t mean the recliner,either)and I liked the huner better b/c he was assertive and I felt wanted/chased. Women like me like a man who can lead b/c he knows how to…..

mqew

March 23rd, 2009
9:35 am

It’s a Good Morning in the A :-)

Men are definitely still hunting. Yes, I feel hunted… often. And when I’m out and about, men do not seem lazy. They indeed try to holla!

LEGGS – uhhhh I checked my email… no email. I know a sistah ain’t been on here often, but dang. Just kick me to the curb…. my feelings ain’t hurt…. :-(

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 23rd, 2009
9:37 am

In truth a lot of ladies have very valid reasons for being defensive with their emotions, bodies, etc. Guys are dogs…he said while barking incessantly

Dan great point…I agree with you on that one.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
9:38 am

EPO, yeah I got you.

But most interactions that I have with women when you listen to them, boil down to “he did [this]; he said [that]; but I found out it was [the other], and stayed until…”

At the point that “he did, said, etc” and I don’t hear “I did..” man, I tune them out, gloss over and they become SF-only.

I cannot deal with a person, male or female, that refuses to accept some measure of responsibility in their lives and the decisions that they have made.

But I feel you homie, playing hard to get will keep a chick ungotten

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
9:40 am

@Sassy

Did ya read the rest of it? Comments on the rest of the post? Bueler, Bueler..

Leggs

March 23rd, 2009
9:41 am

Oh, I forget about the urban dictionary. Couldn’t find it in Webster’s. I gotcha!

Cemeeli

March 23rd, 2009
9:41 am

Good Morning.

Morehouse – You get technical on us this gorgeous Monday morning, hunh?

“Hunt” = As in seek out someone, search, pursue.

…hypothetically speaking.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2009
9:43 am

mqew, you have me choking over here because yours was the first email addy I put in…that was funny. I’ll resend!

SexyCool

March 23rd, 2009
9:44 am

As I am growing and maturing, I am changing the way I look at dating and attracting men. I used to dress in an attempt to outshine other women and to catch the attention of men. I used to be one of those women that would approach a man without a second thought. I had no problem going for mine, being the hunter.

I’m over that phase of my life.

These days, no matter where I am going, my style of dress is one that suits my personality, my mood and my level of comfort. I no longer approach men. I stay in my lane, play my position. I maintain a friendly demeanor with a pleasant attitude. I smile and make eye contact and believe that I am an approachable chick.

If, after all that, a man doesn’t approach me, it just means that I was not the one that he chose to hunt. And since I have finally learned to be okay with me, I’m okay with that.

Three Words Daily – Be Consistently Consistent.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
9:47 am

I tend to meet a lot of women who want to try to run a dude through the ringer and put you on the shelf to try to see if I will last until the expiration date printed on the package… but that is not what I am about. After 2 or 3 dates I know if I want to continue to see a woman or not, but some women want to keep dragging you around for months so that you can finance their good times while they know they are either not feeling you…or they are feeling the other guy they are dating a little bit more.

That’s not the topic for today, but that is why I don’t invest too much emotionally in a woman for a good while. I think one of the best ways to show that you are actually interested in the guy who is hunting is to show some form of appreciation, from maybe asking to take him out, or paying for drinks the next time he takes you out… But when women put forth no effort other than sitting home waiting for a phone call, a guy can’t tell if he should keep spending his energy and money on you.

Poppa Grande

March 23rd, 2009
9:51 am

Dreams

I agree with you. I never did a lot female chasing in the first place.Sometimes I’d approach & sometimes the female approached. Since I never saw women as my “victims” either, it was cool when a female sent a drink my way from a far or something like that. I never really thought, Oh I got her where I want her and that she would be an easy way. I was appreciative and so on. If things were cool, then we gave it a go. If not, then we’d spin wheels away from each other.

Now as far as the “women don’t know what they want”. IMO this is where the independent woman mantra is so damaging. Many men assume that any adult human (male or female) should be able to take care of themselves, which includes paying your own bills (which means living within your means) and such. So, that “independent woman” mantra gets translated into “I don’t need you or what you have to offer” by many men’s minds. Remember we think differently than females And at that point, many men get to point of “If she doesn’t why bother with said female?” Furthermore, many men even go as far to assume that said female won’t be appreciative of his efforts.

Then that leaves those guys that see said female as a challenge, and those guys tend to think that they can get any woman (aka player or pimp).

NYCUTIE- I Just State The FACTS!!

March 23rd, 2009
9:51 am

Good Morning All :)

Men, Men, Men.. I will lurk today.. Chow ;)

Fred G. Sanford, Jr.

March 23rd, 2009
9:55 am

I’ve never liked the term “hunters,” and I don’t understand why any woman would want to be “hunted.”

I have yet to hear of a hunter who stops hunting after catching one prey. They usually keep hunting. So when I hear women preaching “men should be hunters,” I wonder if they realize what they’re asking for.

Anyway… I do believe men should be the aggressors, but that doesn’t mean women should sit by and do nothing. Many women would benefit greatly from just being approachable. Smiling, speaking, or simply acknowledging a guy can do wonders. Most of us are waiting for a sign letting us know it’s OK to approach.

mytw♥cents ... more than a woman

March 23rd, 2009
9:55 am

RAQI Is this the brother that has a laundry list of women? Insert raised brow here.

C THA There are quite a few who have carried this mentality into their 30s. Insert wrinkled brow here.

DAN/PERNT Perhaps you & KYM reference the same group. Just as y’all suggest most women change their selection process; I’d say lots of y’all need to change your targeting process. This requires taking action on the information you gather after the initial attraction makes you approach. Is she a moron? Is she tryna count your money? Does she act disinterested once you’ve made your interest clear? Stop overlooking all of these indicators to ‘close the deal’ just to show you can when perhaps others couldn’t or just b/c… Shouldn’t the overall success of your mission depend on actually attaining something that’s worthwhile to you?

Sassy Me.... I'm All In

March 23rd, 2009
9:57 am

Did ya read the rest of it? Comments on the rest of the post? Bueler, Bueler.. I’m very present Dan…don’t get your panties in a bunch….need validating okay boo boo…here goes :)

Dan Yes I read the rest of the post and feel that that can go both ways…..there are some women who make the rest of the men in her life pay for the mistakes of one fool and some guy who tries to dog women b/c one hurt him bad back in the day so he’s engaged in an eternal game of “get back”….as I said in my initial post there are many shades in the dating spectrum from which we all at some point have experienced both ends…either directly or indirectly.

kimmie

March 23rd, 2009
10:02 am

Morning beautiful blog people!

Some men have gotten lazy, but I find most still enjoy the thrill of the chase. The lazy ones are usually the ones who’ve had it thrown at them their whole lives. Big Turnoff! I don’t want a stalker, but get off your duff and go after what you want! Those that whine that women don’t know what they want – well men don’t either! Some guys are so lazy, a woman may be giving you every sign in the world, other than writing it on her forehead that she is interested – but some dudes would not know unless you clubbed them on the head!LOL!!

I guess in my observations over my long dating life – no matter how shy, lazy, etc a guy is, if he’s interested he WILL make it known and pursue. There are no ifs, ands or buts to this in my opinion.

EPO – I despise the phrase “Be nice”! I’m not saying you, but some guys out here are crazy. If a lady so much as smiles at them, they think that’s an invitation and you can’t get rid of them! You might be showing simple human kindness that you would to anyone, but they think you’re hitting on them. Read what Raqi wrote about the guy that hit on her – pregnant & married & at the beach with her family – but she simply smiled in his direction and he thought that was an invitation. When she pointed out the obvious he accused her of being gay! That’s what we’re dealing with out here!

And yeah Dan & EPO – we too get tired of getting the short end of the stick because of what some other chick from ya’lls past did too. There were signs up front for ya’ll but ya’ll stay in stuff you shouldn’t either, so don’t go there!

Also, like Raqi & Poppa said last week – if you find yourself meeting up with & dealing with the same type of woman and you’re not getting what you want & need, maybe it’s time you started looking at self, ya think? Just a little suggestion!

KP (http://chatkafe.blogspot.com)

March 23rd, 2009
10:05 am

The answer to the question in short is yes…men are still hunters/pursuers. The better question what type of women are they hunting/pursuing? The approach has changed over the years, but many men still enjoy a good chase.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
10:05 am

For the record I have “hunted”, mostly in my “less enlightened” days. It was a targeted search for….well, for…

But as you get older action is not just the goal, I used to doubt guys that would say stuff like “you’ll get tired out there believe me”. Now I see what they meant. The “chase” as my lil cousin calls it, is fun for a while, but there comes a time in life that you wanna settle down and actually get to know a woman with qualities similar to those you possess.

In that time you become more selective, more aware, more congizant of what you want in life and in a mate.

I’ve just found that a lot of women are going through this process as I meet them. And where I was once resentful of being “a good guy, but” I now try and see the karma of it, in that I may not be the guy for you, but you may have found a template for what you want.

@MY2

It’s not just a single group of women (age, race, income, social level, etc.) it’s a prevaling mindset that PG referenced. It’s a mindset that forms the desire of a mate based on what [one] doesn’t want as opposed to qualities to look for. In that sense, women (and men) can justify “not finding anyone” because no one will fulfill the checklist and everyone will fall short of the (unrealistic) expectations set by mant.

Poppa Grande

March 23rd, 2009
10:13 am

Kimmie

Those that whine that women don’t know what they want – well men don’t either!

That comes with meeting and dating.

Unfortunately, I think that humans in general (both genders) are losing the art of conversation with the opposite sex. Sadly, it will only get worse with text messaging and an e-mail becoming more a part of our lives. Many people take the path of least resistance. E-mail and texting doesn’t require either party to face the person as they talk.

Sometimes good one on one conversation is what is needed.

Kym

March 23rd, 2009
10:17 am

@PoppaG I am stilling trying to figure out when common sense in society died. I figured real conversation was buried years ago.

kimmie

March 23rd, 2009
10:18 am

Poppa – I agree! It’s a different animal we’re dealing with now and confusing for everyone. I think going back to the basics works wonders.

Cemeeli

March 23rd, 2009
10:18 am

Men do “seek out” in one way or the other., right?

PoppaGInstigator raising hand here. I see this parallel with men in “hunting” women, the wife, or girlfriend.

If you are shopping for a new home/land, you would want to see properties that are close to what you’re looking for as soon as possible. You have some urgency because you know the property is on the market and many others are looking at the same place. If you don’t act quickly, you could miss out on your dream home.
I don’t want to lable it “hunting” as in devour it. I think the correlation gets lost in the word itself with they guys.

Like if I say “I’ve been reserved/booked” okay. Again, that is just lack of better words.

DreamsMaterialize

March 23rd, 2009
10:20 am

PG Fred G.
Agreed. Everyone, man and woman, is responsible for their own happiness. If your idea of dating is sitting around waiting for someone else to fulfill your happiness, then you’ll be sitting a long time. If you haven’t at least tried to do what it takes to be happy, then I don’t want to hear you complain about not being happy.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2009
10:21 am

LOL TwoLincolns. His rant this year is women say they want a men that is the perfect husband/mate but women are no longer wanting to be the woman that it takes to keep/have/hold such a man.

I just gave him a long exhausted sigh. LOL

SexyCool

March 23rd, 2009
10:24 am

PG – to your point about texting and emails – I have opted out of that as a flirting/communicating method. I don’t even spend extended amounts of time on the phone anymore. I prefer that my interaction with someone that I am getting to know be face to face…that way I can judge tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and so on.

Technological advances have their uses, but becoming too dependent upon them makes us less dependent upon our own abilities.

DreamsMaterialize

March 23rd, 2009
10:27 am

Cemeeli
I know, you’re saying it’s just semantics. I think we need to be more careful when we dismiss things as semantics. The connotation of the words you use are a reflection of your psychological perspective. If you see men as hunters, and yourself as the hunted, then you’ll act that out. You’ll expect men to aggressively pursue, while you basically do nothing but choose. Now if you see it as courting, then it’s almost like two people dancing, trying to find the one whose rhythm is in sync with their own.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
10:27 am

@Dreams, PG, Fred S.

I really am surprised that anyone over the age of 18 would believe that someone else is responsible for their happiness.

Raqi

March 23rd, 2009
10:29 am

Another thing on that…

I guess about a year ago my marido had stopped by my office. When he left one of the guys here stated that if I was not already taken I would probably make a perfect wife for him. I asked cynically but not, if he thought he could be the perfect husband for me.

I am who and how I am, but I will be truthful in saying I cannot and will not be for just any and every man.

That is sort of what my brother was saying.

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
10:31 am

@Dreams

That 10:27 was profound. People often do not realize that the lanuguage we use conveys intent and shapes our reality.

I’m with you on that one!!

Leggs

March 23rd, 2009
10:33 am

You are so right DreamsM.

SexyCool

March 23rd, 2009
10:33 am

I am worthy of aggressive pursuit.

East Point's Own

March 23rd, 2009
10:34 am

Kimmie yeah it cuts both ways… we all know that,there are men who need to learn to learn to go after different women, and women who need to go after or cut off certain men.

But a person’s ability to be nice/kind should not be affected by the dudes who don’t know how to act. And secondly I never said you have to smile at everybody, but when you are approached just be respectful. That’s all I am saying… Many times I am not even trying to holla at a woman but just my general “Hello, how are you doing today?” gets nasty looks or the women who ignore you and act as if you might have been talking to the other person in the elevator( but there is no other person in the elevator) it really is not hard to say “Hello, I am fine thank you for asking” there is no need to be rude to every random person just because… I won’t even go as far to bring up the fact that most women these days don’t even say thank you for holding the door open for them… I must be crazy for expecting kindness for that simple act.

Poppa Grande

March 23rd, 2009
10:34 am

Kym

The art of conversation is still out there. People have to turn off the babysitter…I mean, TV. Have dinner together. That is where I learned the art of dinner conversation and the etiquette that comes with that.

I made my little brothers (from my big bro days) get away from the computer, and actually talk. I instructed them to talk to people in general. You can only get better by actually doing it. Actually go out and live life. You can meet people who share the same interests as you. Then you have something to start talking about.

I’ve got friends who met their wives in Hands On Atlanta events and such.

i'm swiss

March 23rd, 2009
10:35 am

Yaaawwwn…. Morning, bloggers. Need an extra shot of caffeine this morning…

Not much to say on topic. When I find something I really want, I pursue it. Simple as that.

Totally off topic — check out the “world’s cheapest car:”

http://www.cnn.com/2009/BUSINESS/03/23/tata.nano.car.india/index.html

I might be tempted to buy one of these based solely on the manufacturer’s name: Tata Motors. I mean, I know plenty of folks who’ve laid down a lot more than $2k for new tatas. :lol:

Dan

March 23rd, 2009
10:37 am

@Kym

I blame Fox, MSNBC, and cable in general for the lack of conversation.

Technology is an easy way to hide the intent and truth that are evident during in a face to face meeting.

Up on the mountain

March 23rd, 2009
10:38 am

Men will always be hunters as long as they have an appetite which needs fulfilling.They will go after what they REALLY want no matter what it is and can be annoyingly persistent in their efforts to attain their desires.If we can agree to that,then we should also agree to,that if a man is really interested in you, he will definitely let you know! It’s just that now they don’t stand out so much as the “hunters” anymore because, the “target” is wiggling her buttocks right in his face! No need to chase! Now-a-days,women give waaay too much of themselves too often and too early. Ever heard of leaving SOMETHING to the imagination? Where’s the mystique,the romance,the thrill of the chase? It’s like the hunter has become the hunted. Women actually go out looking for men! No, it’s not shocking,but it’s just not how things should go. I tend to go on and on,however,all I’m saying is that men,as so-called,”hunters”, probably don’t mind chasing us if we start running and stop throwing ourselves at them!

Cemeeli

March 23rd, 2009
10:42 am

“If you see men as hunters, and yourself as the hunted, then you’ll act that out.”

I pursue him as well, then let us replace “hunting” with “pursuing”. Remember we keep losing the def in the word itself.

Dreams Semantics. I don’t dismiss anything when i’m serious. I just took Wise’s preception of the dating/relationship thing as she made it fit to deliver the msg. today.

I see where we could debate the aggressive vs. hunter thing, all day long. But no i’m not on that level of the dialogue. I simply saw where the word “hunting” got lost in the translations.