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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

The 30-year-old virgin: would you or wouldn’t you?

At a recent dinner with friends, a dating dilemma became the hot topic of the table. Here goes: so my friend knows a 30-year-old smart, attractive and fun woman who is still a virgin. It’s not that she necessarily has a strong religious conviction and decided to wait until marriage, but for reasons to which I’m not privy, she’s waiting for the right guy.

Said woman, let’s call her Kelly, thinks she’s found him. She’s been seeing Mark for about six months very casually. They hang out with mutual friends and play sports together, and while they’ve fooled around, they still haven’t “gone for it.” The thing is, he doesn’t want to. He’s told mutual friends that he doesn’t want to be responsible for being her first, because he believes she’ll then want to be serious and he’s just not feeling it.

Some guys at dinner the other night offered that maybe he’d feel too much pressure to perform and that’s why he hasn’t gone for it, but frankly, I’d think there would be less pressure as Kelly (ahem) wouldn’t know any better.

I’d say he’s just not that into her, but if that’s true, why does he keep hanging out with her? Apparently girlfriend has thrown herself at him and made it clear she wants to have sex, but he still refused. (And yes, I’ve already asked: he’s not gay.)

MIA members – why do you think a man wouldn’t take a shot with this girl? It seems he obviously likes her, right? Do you believe it would be too much performance pressure or simply that he might feel too responsible for her emotions? In my opinion, Mark probably has something happening on the side, lest he go crazy!

What would you do? (Keep it clean!)

416 comments Add your comment

Atltwen

March 20th, 2009
8:24 am

Mornin’ everyone!

This topic is right down my wheel-house since I didn’t lose my virginity until was 21; then practiced abstinence for almost 6 years immediately afterwards.

What would I do? Let him be!

He knows he has “the green light” but has chosen not to; don’t force it then. For your first time, you want it to be with someone special, who really, really wants you.

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
8:25 am

There is nothing wrong with what she is doing. It’s honorable. With her stating that she is waiting for right guy I would say him not wanting to get a situation that he knows he is not ready for is also honorable. So many guys wouldn’t care that she will catch feeling. They’ll just do it and leave her heart and hymen broken.

But I will also ask why does he remain with her? Since he knows he does not want to be the one he needs to cut her loose. Just tell her.

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 20th, 2009
8:32 am

Morning folks. I’m off and enjoying my free time cleaning up my apartment. Heading downtown after the stores open again.

On topic: My ex wife was a virgin and it was ok. At the time I didnt have the control to bring her out right. I was 19 yo. If i was ol boy I’d talk with her and explain it then lay it out for her. Show her what great lovemaking was all about, or at least as much as I know. Then I’d fall asleep. I’d want her to have a realistic view of sex. LMAO

NYCUTIE- Thank GOD it is Friday

March 20th, 2009
8:35 am

Good Morning All :)

Maybe the conversations they have had pertaining to sex is/was WAY TOO Deep for him and that is why he is feeling the way that he does.. Why ask “why is he still hanging with her”? Why not? He has been chilling with her for 6 months without sex, so why does that have to change now? Not fair.. Maybe he is not attracted to her.. Gay men have straight women as friends (not saying he is gay)& vice versa..

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
8:35 am

And I do not believe it is a performance issue. If I have never tasted cake before I have no idea what it should taste like. Nothing to compare it to. And she should wait to find someone who will hold this event to be as special as she does.

I remember my first time. I was not only a little painful but it was awkward. The thought and anticipation of doing it far outweighed the pleasure of the actual experience. But I really cared for him and him for me so it was special nonetheless. He was my first husband.

Mark is not the right guy.

NYCUTIE- Thank GOD it is Friday

March 20th, 2009
8:40 am

Truth- LMAO!!!

MissQC

March 20th, 2009
8:40 am

Good Friday Morning 1st day of Spring Bloggers….I hope you all have a great day/weekend ;)

NYCUTIE- Thank GOD it is Friday

March 20th, 2009
8:41 am

Question: What really makes a man want to have sex with a woman? Sexiness, looks, size of assets etc? Curious..

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
8:44 am

Morning
I don’t see why he’d feel any pressure to perform, he’s the one with experience. It sounds like he’s assuming she wants to be serious. Maybe all that right guy sh_t has less to do with her wanting a serious relationship and more to do with her just being ready. At 30 maybe she’s just ready, and he’s the guy. I say they both go go for what they know and be happy.

Btw, I don’t see her waiting as any more or less honorable than not waiting. She’s just making a choice at a different time in her life than most other people.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
8:49 am

Truth
Then I’d fall asleep. I’d want her to have a realistic view of sex.
LMAO man. I hope things are falling in place for you out there.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
8:53 am

NYCUTIE
Sex Appeal, which includes all of the things you’ve mentioned plus sensuality and personal interaction. How much each one affects your desire depends on personal preferences.

SexyCool

March 20th, 2009
8:54 am

If he wanted to, he would. It’s that simple.

As to her, it makes no logical sense to me that she would think that someone that she is seeing CASUALLY is THE ONE. WTH?

Three Words Daily – Life is Good!!!

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 20th, 2009
8:54 am

Dreams, I agree. There’s no honor in dying a virgin. Life is to be lived and sex is a part of life.

Cutie-to answer your question. To posses her for however long the act takes. That could be literally minutes for some. To know that for at least that long she’s there for your pleasure and vive versa. To get in touch with the real woman and not the one thats all made up. To share that animal desire with a mate thats able to aprreciate the beast you can become. Hear me roar. LOL

Update on the butt busting in Kuwait: Went to the mall last night and have honestly never seen so many little boys kissing each other and holding hands. Grown men too. They are open with it. WOW Either they’re really affectionate or straight sissies. You choose.

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
8:54 am

NYCutie sex is normally part of the progression of male-female relationships. They are fooling around as Blanca stated so he must be attracted. That’s what fooling around brings as we all very well know. He should stop fooling around with her and let her go. He is probably getting his full needs met some where else. There is nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex and remain platonic, but when you start lighting little sparks of variations of sex you will soon be dealing with a fire.

NYCUTIE- Thank GOD it is Friday

March 20th, 2009
9:00 am

Raqi- Very True!

Truth- The goings ons in that city is BANANNAAASSS!! GROSS!

Dreams- I know some BUTT ugly folks that are sexier than a mofo!

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:02 am

Morning TRUTH, RAQI, DREAMS! *yaaaaawn*

SexyCool

March 20th, 2009
9:03 am

I agree with Raqi. Mark is NOT the right guy.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
9:04 am

Why does he need to “let her go”? SHE wants to have sex with him. He’s not tricking her. She’s 30, and she chose the guy that she wants to get down with. Grownups make grownup choices. Do the deed and enjoy the moment.

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:04 am

happy spring SEXYC, QC!

Leggs

March 20th, 2009
9:05 am

Good morning…YAY, Spring has sprung!

I don’t think he feels pressure in the “performance” department. He stated he’s not feeling her that way so respect him as gentleman in not wanting to be her first only to know he’ll stop seeing her down the road. Their long-term goals are on planted on different life tracks.

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
9:06 am

I would say nature itself prompts the desire for sex among the two. Men and women were created with that desire embedded. It is our preferences that vary worldwide that lead us to have sex with whom we do.

As a woman I know that not all women are attracted to the same thing in a man nor the same type of men. Therefore it has to be true with men also. Whatever it is that kicks off that desire is what brings two together. Whether good or bad.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
9:07 am

NYCUTIE
I didn’t say she had to be fine. I said she had to have sex appeal. So, I agree with you. A “BUTT ugly” person can have sexy appeal. lol Serena Williams isn’t the finest in the face, but she’s sexier than a mugg, and she can get it ANY day.

SexyCool

March 20th, 2009
9:09 am

Thanks, Beautiful. May your life be filled with Miracles And your cup overflow with Blessings.

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 20th, 2009
9:12 am

Hey Sexy, hope you have a great day.

Gm Angie.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
9:13 am

NO! Mark IS the right guy because that’s who she chose.

mytw♥cents

March 20th, 2009
9:14 am

She seems reasonably attractive and he likes kickin it with her? I’m wondering if she doesn’t consider oral sex as sex. Hence his contenment with the status quo. :/:): Ooh, did my signature look work?

RAQI I don’t know about the cake. Cuz even if you’ve never had it, you’ve probably heard lots about it. And built up in your mind what it’ll be to experience the fluffy deliciousness of it all for yourself. She’s ready for her piece and he’s like ‘nope,’ partly cuz who knows how unrealistic her expectations are at this point. He doesn’t wanna be that fondant icing which looks good to the eye but yukky to taste. (Wait. Do guys even know what fondant is?) Oh and the another part may be what NYC won’t say, but I’m still kinda thinkin’.

mytw♥cents

March 20th, 2009
9:16 am

Boo! No raised brow for me.

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:17 am

@SEXYC
i count my blessings everyday. standing on my porch yesterday while the warm breeze hit my face, i watched my son wash my car for $5. LIFE IS GOOD.

@LEGGS
finally, a man who respects a woman and we’re going to debate his reasoning. wow!

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
9:19 am

Dreams because he is obviously not interested in being that guy for her. It’s not just about sex all the time. I know you guys can’t fathom that but it is not. This woman has waited until she is 30. I really doubt this is first time that she has wanted sex or if it’s the first opportunity that she has faced. However she has waited for the right man. He knows that he does not want to be the man on the receiving end of the one she falls in love with. He should let her go. He is not interested in playing the part.

SexyCool

March 20th, 2009
9:21 am

Truth – Much love. Respect.

Rell - russell da love muscle

March 20th, 2009
9:23 am

either dude is gay or homegurl is a nickel

da hell let me catch a virgin in 2009…she would get daily and twice on sundays….da hell

@truth…MAN that is some crazy ish…no wonder they blow themselves up…they sick of blowing dizzle

@ny..what makes me want to sex a women….first on the list is her attitude toward the act…if she has a carefree sexy attitude then its a go…more times then not she will have sex appeal…shout out to sexycool on the sex appeal….her assets…lets see for me i go from breast to azz to just a nice shape….so thats a push for me…what i am a sucker for is well kept hair…meaning its done and a cute face….so if you see me with a big girl thats why..lol

Cemeeli

March 20th, 2009
9:23 am

Morning –

It’s early. I’m going to lurk until i can see what i can tell my girl S.

I have a friend girl that is 33 years old and still avirgin. She thought it was going to happen 3 years ago before, or near her 30th birthday, but it didn’t.

Now i’m wondering if the guy was sorta the mindset of this Mark guy.

reading…

SexyCool

March 20th, 2009
9:25 am

Rell – LOL. You just made my day!

mytw♥cents

March 20th, 2009
9:25 am

Did everybody read that scenario correctly? Because he’s not tryna use her. He won’t take what SHE’s throwing at him.

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:25 am

our PRES is so down to earth. he’s putting a bb court in the whitehouse. i just ordered him a blog vest.

i'm swiss

March 20th, 2009
9:28 am

“He’s told mutual friends that he doesn’t want to be responsible for being her first, because he believes she’ll then want to be serious and he’s just not feeling it.”

Um… seems like that’s your answer right there. Am I missing something? He clearly likes the chic, but doesn’t want to be that serious with her, and he (probably justifiably) fears that if they do the do, she will want to be that serious (read: stage 5 clinger alert).

Now, if he were a total dyck, he’d just do her & not worry about hurting her when she (inevitably) gets too emotionally attached. But apparently, he’s trying to be a decent guy.

Or maybe he’s just gay. :roll:

MissQC

March 20th, 2009
9:28 am

HAPPY SPRING TO YOU “BEAUTIFUL”

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:28 am

**da hell let me catch a virgin in 2009…she would get daily and twice on sundays….da hell** LMAO.

Raqi

March 20th, 2009
9:29 am

2Lincolns girl, you know what I mean. Sex was good with my first husband, for what we knew fully about it. But sex with my present husband makes the first sheer basic. There are things that I know now that I did not know back then, but I had nothing to compare it to back then. It was my first time having cake. It was good, but what I have now is better. I only know it is better because I had the experience with basic.

i'm swiss

March 20th, 2009
9:30 am

“Question: What really makes a man want to have sex with a woman? Sexiness, looks, size of assets etc? Curious..”

Answer: Our diznicks and balls.

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
9:30 am

Raqi
I don’t think there’s anything I can’t fathom, except having a baby. lol You’re misinterpreting what I’m saying. I never said it was all about the sex. I said it was all about the choice. In her 30 years, she could’ve chosen tons of guys, but she chose him. So, he must be the right guy. And who said anything about falling in love? For her the “right” guy might not be explicitly linked to love. Maybe the “right” guy just means a quality (however she defines that) guy at the “right” time. At 30, I’m sure she’s had love, but still didn’t have sex. So, I don’t think love is the critical factor for her.

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 20th, 2009
9:31 am

Alot of responsibility with a virgin. You could destroy the chick if handled wrong. He should let her go if he’s not going to do something with the chick. Let some other dude carry that bad karma. Rules of engagement say no harm to non combatants. She hasnt even joined the fight. After the first time, have at her azz til she cant take anymore. LOL

Rell, man you’d love this place dude. More foreign broads than you can shake a dyck at. Its an international ho smorgasbord. LOL

Beautiful

March 20th, 2009
9:31 am

@RELL
is a born again virgin the same as a virgin? would you re-act the same if a female told you it’s been two years? **just curious**

Sassy Me....today I'm Nicety

March 20th, 2009
9:31 am

HAPPY FRIDAY BLOG FAM!!

Oooh a virgin…I’ve had two in my life and if I could do it all over again I damned sure would BUT the difference with that and the issue at hand is that even though SHE chose HIM he really doesn’t want to even entertain the thought that there might even be a possibility that after she has been deflowered she would become clingy and serious….I don’t think dude wants that. PLUS I think he has someone else tht he’s seeing seriously.

I had my first virgin 18yrs ago and he and I are still cool and talk from time to time. You first sexual experience can link you to a person in ways that that guy might not be interested in..pressure bursts pipes and that’s what I think dude is feeling A WHOLE LOT OF PRESSURE.

Side note: I wouldn’t mind having a virgin myself….hehehehe :twisted:

DreamsMaterialize

March 20th, 2009
9:35 am

Raqi DoubleP’s
Ya’ll know ya’ll better quit talkin’ ’bout cake b4 For Real comes in here. lol

Cumfortable-You know you like it

March 20th, 2009
9:36 am

I was late getting started with the sexcapades too but I was turned out by my first. He was my boyfriend of 2 years, and at 22, he got my cherry. I must say, my nose was wide open on that guy for a while, which is probably what this guy fears. He wants to sex her, he just doesn’t want the emotional/we belong together/but I gave you my virginity combo that more than likely will come along. I don’t blame dude, run!

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 20th, 2009
9:36 am

Sassy, i’m saving myself for the right person and i have tonight available around 9. Jus sayin. Btw, good morning

i'm swiss

March 20th, 2009
9:38 am

“Side note: I wouldn’t mind having a virgin myself….hehehehe”

Hey, Sassy… Watchu doin’? ;-) Have I mentioned that I’m a virgin? Yeah…. that’s the ticket… a virgin. :twisted:

Sassy Me....today I'm Nicety

March 20th, 2009
9:38 am

Truth you didn’t go out last night did you? :lol:

“Question: What really makes a man want to have sex with a woman? Sexiness, looks, size of assets etc? Curious..”

Answer: Our diznicks and balls.

SWISS LMMAO at that :lol:

NY2GA, Inc.

March 20th, 2009
9:38 am

I know of a man that is in his late 30’s and still the big “V”. He has some very strong, cult-like religious beliefs to justify the reason why he won’t engage in “sweetback.” But, from being in conversation with him I can tell you that he is a freak. Shoot, don’t let these virgins fool ya. Some of them have done alot of sexual stuff. They just try to hold onto their remaining “purity” to be ok in the eye’s of the Lawd.

No virgin men for me. I TRY before I BUY!