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If dating someone new, do you still talk to your exes?

Occasionally I’ll get a text or phone call from people in my past, not necessarily in any romantic sense as much as to say hello and catch up. For the most part, I’m not friends with Exes. For reasons I’m still exploring, I find it strange that former lovers can later just hang out or even go on double dates.

However, because I’ve moved around so much, I’ve grown to see it’s really not that big of a deal, especially as I rarely see my Exes and they’re not a regular part of my life.

I never hide to my Exes whether I’m seeing someone at the time, but I generally don’t feel I need to report to my boyfriend whether I talked to an Ex, either. In my mind, those rare conversations are harmless and it’s not as if we reminisce on our past. I wouldn’t be so cavalier, of course, if those discussions became a regular or intimate thing, or if they tugged on any heart string.

What’s your stance when it comes to keeping in touch with former flames? Would you tell your partner if you spoke to an Ex or if a good friend is in fact a former lover? And would you care if your man or woman spoke to partners from their past?

337 comments Add your comment

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
8:39 am

Good Morning All & Momma Blanca :)

I still keep in touch with my ex even though we broke up two yrs ago.. I know it sounds NUTS and up to last year, we have been trying to get back together BUT realized that we REALLY don’t get along. He is still in love with me but he knows that I have moved on.. NOW, we do go to dinner occasionally and I guess I do it to keep him on my good side. We share custody of my dog.. LOL! Also, I just learned that he bought a house about a mile & half from me. Trying to keep my life drama free by entertaining him every now and then.. It isn’t hard since he is a truck driver..

Sassy Me....today I'm Nicety

March 19th, 2009
8:51 am

BLOG FAM….WHAT IT DO!!

I usually make it a rule not to back track when it comes to exes ’cause it’s been the man’s fault as to the demise of the relationship. My break ups were the result of THEM cheating…ME catchin’ them and ME bouncin’ so friendship is a HELL TO THE NAW. However there is ONE AND ONLY ONE exception to this rule and it’s with my last ex and he and I were great friends before and ouur relationship ended when I decided that just cause I love you and you love me..that doesn’t mean that we’re meant to be. He understood…didn’t agree at the time but he understands my point now. We talk several times a week and go out to dinner or a movie on occasion but we’re still mad cool.

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
8:54 am

up to last year, we have been trying to get back together BUT realized that we REALLY don’t get along

- how long have you been dating your current love interest?

I cut off all my old flames

- i dont look back only forward..i take it personal like was i that bad…if so then if i am not good enough to be with you then i am not good enough to be your friend

SexyCool

March 19th, 2009
8:55 am

Most of my exes (especially the serious relationships) are ex’ed for a very good reason. So, no – we can’t be friends cause friends don’t treat each other that way.

As to men that I’ve dated casually, if they call and I have time to take the call, we can chop it up for a bit, but that’s about it.

And in the words of Forrest Gump – That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Three Words Daily – I’ll Take Responsibility. (Quote – President Obama)

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
8:57 am

Rell-5 months

Cumfortable-You know you like it

March 19th, 2009
8:59 am

I receive the occasional you’re on my mind/hope all is well/how are you text from the ex. I do keep in touch with a couple of my exes but that is kinda dangerous b/c the last time I saw an ex of more than 8 years the chemistry was off the hinges and the bizzness almost went down….almost :lol:

NYCUTIE
It sounds like there is still a little emotion or something going on there. I mean, how exactly do you share a dog? I’ve never understood that.

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:03 am

Cumfort-There isn’t anything emotional going on BESIDES that I care about his well being. When he is in town, my dog chills with him and his puppy. Nothing more than that.

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2009
9:03 am

SexyCool
Are you in a relationship now? If you are, is your current dude ok with you and your ex being so close? If you aren’t, will you cut your ex off when you do get with someone new? Btw, I like your Three Words Daily today…we all need to do that. I also like one of your other ones…Dream Big Dreams, naturally. ;-)

Sassy
THEM cheating…ME catchin’ them
Damn that sucks. You wanna get some revenge and let them catch us? lol I’m kidding. I’ve never caught a chic cheatin’ me, and I never want to.

Яǽqi

March 19th, 2009
9:05 am

“Nothing endures but change”
Heraclitus

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2009
9:07 am

NYCUTIE
Does your dude come to the occasional dinners that you have with your SO? If not, would you be cool with him coming if he wanted to?

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2009
9:08 am

NYCUTIE
Not “SO”, I meant “ex”. lol

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
9:10 am

@ny

- how does your current man feel about you and your ex

i have learned from my experience all that can get messy…NOW i know that hell its not me you want go back to him…and take the dog with you

SexyCool

March 19th, 2009
9:13 am

Dreams – I am not in a relationship at present. In fact, I’m not even dating.

However, I am not the blogger who is CLOSE with any of my exes. If you re-read, I stated that I will sometimes entertain a brief conversation with a casual ex. These are men that I consider acquaintances only (not friends).

So, really – there would be nothing to cut off.

The Three Words Daily is my newest project (blog).

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:18 am

Dreams- Ain’t no dinners or NOTHING! My mans feelings gets my UTMOST respect at all times..

Rell- What are you talking about? What can get messy?

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
9:21 am

@ny

-the mess ….is your contact with your ex…i mean if he means that much bounce….why you still holding on to something that is dead..feel me….i mean at least give the new dude a fair shake….i mean 5 months is nothing…its still new and you still pimping it out…..and pls do not say that your ex respects your current situation…because i am sure he has tried you recently to see if he can stick those legs in a V or at least asked about it….again its prolly just the attention you enjoy…women!!

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:23 am

Moreover, Me & my ex’s friendship is NOT like that AT ALL! We speak to each other when we speak and that is it. It isn’t no, every day, twice a week etc. type of thing going on. It is whenever.. No drunk phonecalls(middle of the night).. We are cordial when we speak to each other.. that’s all

Sassy Me....today I'm Nicety

March 19th, 2009
9:25 am

You wanna get some revenge and let them catch us? lol I’m kidding./em>

DREAMS I’ve thought about it but you know what…I’ve realized that when I just roll out and cut their cheatin a.ssess all the way off that hurts ‘em even more….so of course that’s what imma do…holla!

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
9:26 am

@ny

- again new rule if you still dealing with your folks like that..then you need to go be with him….just something i picked up along the way…but if it works for you….godspeed

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:26 am

Rell- Please tend to your OWN mess before you try to call anyones else’s friendship a mess! Your assumptions are all wrong!

Atltwen

March 19th, 2009
9:27 am

Last summer, I meet with my ex-best female friend w/benefits, at a lake during the summer to symbolize peace between us. The conversation was very good, however, we didn’t talk about us falling out – I didn’t bring it up on purpose even though I told her I would.

Anyways, she resides in North Florida while in graduate school and comes home a only few times a year. But I noticed, she would never come see me or even call me when she was in town, though, she has to pass my house to get to her’s. Honestly, I took it as I slight, demonstrating to me, she was still not over me not making her “my one and only.”

Until I went to her twin sister’s house earlier this month. As a was leaving, she said, I have something for you. And she gave me a gift. “It’s a Christmas present”, she said. I was like, its March!! It’s not from me, it’s from my sister (ex-best female friend w/benefits). She wanted to give it to you but you never came over during the Christmas holiday’s and I’ve been holding it since.

I was shocked! Couldn’t believe it! I thought she was angry at me – I guess not.

Moral of the story: Just when you think you have someone (an ex) figured out, life shows you..You don’t!

JtJ

March 19th, 2009
9:27 am

Good Monin’

I don’t see the need to still be friends with an ex…..THEY ARE AN “EX” for a reason. It didn’t work out in the relationship, where you tried to be both lovers and friends….so how can the relationship exist now on a friend level?

I often tell my boyfriend about my ex flirting with me or asking me if I would take him back now since he has changed. It is so awkward to be getting hit on by your EX. I am always like….”Fool…. I am the same person I was back then….you couldn’t appreciate me then so don’t bother trying to now”. Fortunately, I only have 2 (ex-husband & 1 ex-boyfriend), so I don’t have much to conceal. I did receive a call about 2ys in my current relationship from an ex, and I genuinely felt he was just checking to see how things were going for me. But I definately wouldn’t be tryin to go to dinner or anywhere with him……

My boyfriend had a bad experience with a woman he dated for about a month after his divorce. He slept with her on the first date and she started showing up at his house unannounced. After the 2nd time…he told her that he did not want to see her anymore and she went nuts on him!!! She threatened to slash his tires and told him she would F**K up his life and his child’s life. I was like……um huh, that’s what happens when you have sex too soon and get your emotions all caught up in something that isn’t what you think it is.
Of course, I scolded him for being such a hoe and sleeping with her on the 1st date. Til this day, he has been afraid of crossing her path and refused to visit Hopewell Church in Norcross…..lol…

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:35 am

Dreams- I did say that BUT my time to time could be several months apart.. The last time him & I had dinner was Nov 08 BEFORE me & my man met.. You are too CUTE!!

Rell- I hear you but if you don’t understand a situation, don’t suggest what a person should do ESPECIALLY when your situatin is JACKED up.. I would NEVER tell you to leave your situation cause you already know that you need to..

SexyCool

March 19th, 2009
9:37 am

Dreams – No problem, it happens. :-D

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
9:39 am

Please tend to your OWN mess before you try to call anyones else’s friendship a mess! Your assumptions are all wrong!

-dully noted…and i like how you went there….lol..folks are funny now-a-days

he has been afraid of crossing her path and refused to visit Hopewell Church in Norcross…..lol…

o no not a chuuch gurl…lol

Cemeeli

March 19th, 2009
9:40 am

Sunshine shinning in my moonroof! Good morning blog.

No i am not friends with my ex. My current told me if the ex diddy all of a sudden wanted to become “friends” with me. There’s a few things he’s gonna havta let dude in on.

And i cain’t even repeat it on the blog. Dang!

How is everyone doing?

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2009
9:42 am

Sassy
Yeah I know that’s the best thing to do…I was just being selfish, thinking about myself. lol

NYCUTIE
I got you. Now you’re gonna have to cut those rare dinners out when me and you get together. haha
Btw You are too CUTE!!. See I knew you seen me in La Casana! lol

FEE

March 19th, 2009
9:45 am

Good Morning All..

I only read the first line of this blog… and my answer is I dont talk to my ex’s what for… there is a reason why they are you ex’s…

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:46 am

Dreams-;)

Question: Anybody ever been stalked before?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 19th, 2009
9:47 am

Mawnin All! Well I can see this is going to be a hot-n-heavy topic today, so I’ll chime in now and lurk for a while (AT&T still kicking my butt).

On topic: I am good friends with two of my exes, ex hubby not one of them. Both of these relationships ended on a ‘good’ note so to speak and they both know I dont do repeats or ‘last times’ so our friendship is cool. I even ended up helping one plan is wedding with his Mrs. I think it just depends on the persons. Not saying it cant happen but hell I figure that if I was in a relationship with you (all close and personal) then the idea of being a friend when/if it ends shouldnt be so crazy (again depending on the circumstances surrounding the break up)

NYCUTIE- I'm Naughty

March 19th, 2009
9:52 am

Mo- I started to feel like I was the odd person on here.. LOL! Not everyones relationship ends in an irrational way..

Cemeeli

March 19th, 2009
10:06 am

Mo – If you see my ex. Do yo mind getting Summe Camp 1995 on him for me. He was the counselor working that day your brother was bitten.

JtJ

March 19th, 2009
10:10 am

@ Rell…..RE: church girl….she actually reached out to one of his friends last year and got his number. When she called him….she asked him if he remembered her…..how in the world do you forget someone who threatened YOU and YOUR CHILD!!!! He said she admitted that she was wrong and invited him to come to her church……He said because he didn’t want her to flip out again….he told her he was married now and was moving to Oklahoma.

lurker

March 19th, 2009
10:13 am

If the passion was blase’ yep, we can be cool…no temptations…LOL. If emotions and passion ran deep, nope can’t do it. I had a former “friend” that called about 6 months after calling it quits, and asked me to do something (business related) for him, as I had access and the means and suggested “coming by” to pick the information up. I know, as well as he that it would be on and popping so, I in turn suggested we meet at a restaurant. Needless to say he tried to play it off and was like, oh just put it in the mailbox. We did meet at the restaurant and mmm mmm mmm, he was looking mighty de’lish. But I wasn’t the only one digging on it, it took all he had (of course his feelings rang through crystal clear…forehead and cheek kissing) as well as all I had to hold back. Currently, not keeping in touch is sort of what works for now because honestly there’s still a lot of physical feelings running high (okay we’ve talked). It was the other “stuff” that caused the demised. Truthfully, hitting the sack upon meet and greet is allll good in that moment but reality is inevitable and bound to set in once we come down from that physical high. Whatever was unresolved or the problem will eventually resurface and frankly, not getting along and being upset with each other sometimes is too high a price to pay for a good romp in the hay.

mytw♥cents

March 19th, 2009
10:13 am

When I give someone access to me, I give them access to my heart. So I may wonder or worry – depending on what they had going on- about how a person’s doing, but no interaction outside of my thoughts.

RELL This metamorphosis of yours is interesting. You’re seeing things with new eyes, then you resist & try to put your old ones back in… Just fall face first into the wisdom…

Who doesn’t love Musiq’s song So Beautiful? I’m mad at you.

SexyCool

March 19th, 2009
10:14 am

I have relationships that ended fairly amicably, some that just drifted apart and some that were like my heart being torn out of my chest. It just happens that the most painful break-ups did not yield any fast friendships.

Twelve years later, I am cordial with my ex-husband. Seven years later, if I see Keith (two year relationship), I will speak, make small talk, keep it moving. Four years later, if Shannon (one year relationship) calls, I will spend a few minutes in cordial conversation, hang up the phone and forget he exists.

Staceye AKA Black Mamba

March 19th, 2009
10:20 am

DREAMS…you are too funny! :lol:

NY CUTIE…..”Question: Anybody ever been stalked before”? Yes I have a few times and it is not fun. I shred my experience on here a few nonths back. I was stalked back home in NY. I swear would call my cell everytime I walked up the block to go home…at night. My block was kind of deserted and quiet. He even went so far as to assist the Super in my building and it freaked me out that he knew which apartment was mine.

On Topic: For the most part I have NADA to do with my ex azzholes! But there a few exceptions. My ex that I left when I moved here and I are still friends. We speak from time to time on the phone and My Space. We ended due to distance. I have 2 or 3 that we fought like cats & dogs when we dated ,but realized we were great as friends. So we decided to be friends. But the rest of those jackholes…I wouldn’t pee on them if they were on fire! I’d stand there and toast smores on them! :evil: :lol: Ok…psycho moment has passed! :lol:

Mo (aka Moeisha)

March 19th, 2009
10:23 am

NYCUTIE – you know, different strokes for different folks! But we are on the same page chica! :0)

Cemeeli – said in my best Florida Evans imitation “DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!” Now you know I get testy when it comes to my siblings! Do I need to go scraight Decatur on him???

lurker

March 19th, 2009
10:23 am

But ummmm, pretty much? Nope. Most times, I just don’t have it in me to back track. Only the dude mentioned in my previous post sort of have a spot like that with me. All others? Done

Rell - no sequels

March 19th, 2009
10:25 am

@MYCENTS…the bootleg shrink is back

You’re seeing things with new eyes, then you resist & try to put your old ones back in… Just fall face first into the wisdom…

- what are you trying to say here

for the masses…i dont hate em…i just have nothing for them,….like my favorite bball player AI i leave it all on the court….meaning when i am done thats it…tank is empty…it takes me awhile for it to fill up

Яǽqi

March 19th, 2009
10:26 am

Lurker my friend Deni has always stated that she cannot be friends with the ex that she really loved. As with you she is okay with the ones that never really got to her, but that one that she loved, she keeps/kept him at the greatest amount of dstance as possible. And pretty much like you stated that high soon breaks and you clearly have to face why it ended in the first place.

lurker

March 19th, 2009
10:28 am

Raqi girl, you feel where I’m coming from…or at least Deni does….lol

THE MELO

March 19th, 2009
10:32 am

Hey sexxcool,blog pple..
Didnt know ur were married be4 sexxycl..
On topic: I will chop if the situ demands it,its convenient and the skeleton can be flushed fairly quickly,unnoticed and there is a fair chance it gets buried and rotten there.A hunter will not waste game for the sake of it! Conservation is key coz u neva know what beckons u,down the road of lyfe.Never make enemies,make peace &luv!
Mytwo,smetimes u just 2 perfect for me,but i do like a perfect wife,so im speaking on both sides of ma mouth!
JtJ,that church girl is cazzy but i know that lots of chics get real nasty crazy when they get hit right….

AmazonRed

March 19th, 2009
10:34 am

Whew…busy morning today. Good morning folks!

I’m not in touch with any of my exes. I don’t like complications in my life and exes can easily cause chaos. Feelings, explaining the relationship to others…too much. The chapter is over and done, and we move on. We don’t have to be friends. I don’t have any hate or disdain for any of them (well, except 1), but I don’t feel the need to be friends either. Just the way it works for me.

I don’t see how you can go back to being “just friends” with someone you really cared about.

lurker

March 19th, 2009
10:36 am

DreamsMaterialize

March 19th, 2009
10:37 am

Staceye
Ha, what did I say? Whatever it was I’m glad I could put a smile on your face though.

Яǽqi

March 19th, 2009
10:38 am

LOL lurker. We were entering a restaurant one Saturday and she yanked my arm pulling back out the door talking about she can’t here there. LOL But it’s the place we both had agreed on. When we got back in the car she told me that one of exes was seated right at the door. She said running into him never ended without her waking up the next morning hating herself for letting it happen again. When I asked her why she didn’t just resume a relationship with him if it was like that, she says the reason it ended she would never be able to fully trust him.

The Truth-Kuwait Kid

March 19th, 2009
10:39 am

On topic: I stay in touch with dam near all my exes to include the wife. Its easier to call them over than start a whole new seek and find.

Off topic: I learned something wild about this place today. Apparently thursdays are the day that men go out and bone other men. In this culture women are only for having babies. Men are for sex. Its apparently a big thing over here. Talk about the dl. LMAO

Btw, good morning everyone. I have the weekend off for the first time since I arrived. Woohoo

mytw♥cents

March 19th, 2009
10:39 am

Why I gotta be bootleg, RELL??? I’m saying you’re clearly doing well with lots of your realizations. Like not being all consumed in the win just for the sake of winning. Same thing as learning that if the best thing about the prize is the packaging but the contents suck, you haven’t really won anything. Right path. But you mention here & there basically wanting to lean back into a-hole ways/reactions, whatever. I’m encouraging you to just go with the newfound wisdom. Go with the tide, not against it.

kimmie

March 19th, 2009
10:41 am

Morning Blog!

With the exception of one, clean break all the way with me. The one exception we were better friends than lovers anyway and he is miles away in Houston & married. His family is in California and still love me & wish we had married, but it was not meant to be. I wish them all well, but I would be miserable now if that happened. He came thru town 2 years ago for a convention and we hung out, but there was ZERO attraction!

So happy and thankful for what I have NOW!

Cemeeli

March 19th, 2009
10:42 am

Mo – I’m tryna come up for air. “They” caught me playin in the bluberry fields. DANG!!!