Abusive relationships – celebrity case sends wrong message?
I’ll admit it: I’m kind of in awe of the Chris Brown/Rihanna saga. It’s not that I live under the delusion that abuse doesn’t exist in celeb relationships, but I was surprised that this alleged incident was made so public. And then came that photo (yikes) of the young singer’s battered and bruised face…
If indeed Brown was the abuser in question, how in the world are these two very public people back together? Nevermind that classic cycle in which the abuser comes back with “Baby I love you and I’ll never hurt you again” and the abusee believes him. Nevermind Rihanna’s family talking to the singer and standing between her and a harmful relationship. Where in the world is her publicist and reps? What a PR nightmare it might be to have such an example of abuse and then a reconciliation? What message does that send to women?
I know I couldn’t return to someone who has proven himself capable of harming me. It’s even hard for me to stay with someone who uses words carelessly, crushing my feelings if not my body. The reason? I’d just expect it to happen again. And again.
If Brown was in fact Rihanna’s attacker, what are your predictions for their future? Do you think both people can learn and grow from this relationship while staying together, or do they need to split up before more damage is done? What do you make of comments (like this one from Mekhi Phifer) dismissing Brown’s alleged actions as a mistake of his youth?
Would you give a young partner with an instance of abuse a second chance, or would you believe its a foreshadowing for worse? Finally, do you believe abusive men and/or women can be rehabilitated?
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2011 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
493 comments Add your comment
M'Karyl
March 3rd, 2009
8:10 am
Where is de breakfast crew…got some mean sweet patoto biscuits and hot butter…
ON Topic:
I think that it is a very tragic and sad situation…and something is telling me that we do not have all of the intimate details about the attack…like, is there something that she did to instigate his anger???…not that it excuses what he did, but I have known many instances where the buttons were pushed by the “victim”.
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
8:12 am
Morning Blog Fam am I the first in the place this morning? Well, as promised cheese grits are over
in the crock pot hot as ever! Chicken sausage on the griddle….now come on in and fix yourself a plate!
On topic: The CB and Rihanna story is unfortunate but seemingly a growing trend. People are so desperate, under the pretense of love, that they will take whatever a person is offering just so that they are not alone. That is what is sad. I understand young love I still consider myself a young 31 but never have I been in a place where love supercedes my personal safety or integrity. In this case, you have to love him enough to let him go and get himself some help. If this incident were to repeat itself, its bound to be worse and she will likely not have the sympathy of her peers.
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
8:14 am
M’Karyl morning Hun. I love some sweet potato biscuits! Yum
Raqi
March 3rd, 2009
8:23 am
Those two staying together is nothing usual. Just think about the many cases you here of women and men staying in abusive relationship for whatever reason. They both are kids. No matter how grown up they try be they are still kids. It will repeat itself and she will be looked down on more than him. He is just a little bratty kid and needs to grow up.
Raqi
March 3rd, 2009
8:25 am
Sorry that should read “nothing unusual”. :hehe:
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
8:28 am
Raqi does this fact that ” He is just a little bratty kid and needs to grow up. excuse his actions?
M'Karyl
March 3rd, 2009
8:29 am
@Cumfortable
You are welcome…enjoy!!!
Well, I still say that something is not white in the milk with this story…I really do think that she did something to trigger the attack…my sister is like that…no amount of patience, silence or distance can keep her from pushing the buttons until someone explodes…it seems like ppl of that nature take the tolerance as a passive suggestion to keep on going…until KA-POW…seen it happen too many times…so she may be just a guilty for some portion of it, which is why she it trying to reconcile it…she knows this.
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
8:35 am
M’Karyl are you serious? CB should have always been in control of himself regardless to what Rihanna had done or said. He could have walked away, left her in the car, or exited a number of ways. He did not have to punch her like a dude. Never ok
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
8:38 am
And yes it does send the wrong message. Iconism has that affect.
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
8:42 am
No it does not excuse his actions. It just means somebody needs to teach him how to be a man. The entertainment world takes these young kids and put them out there expecting them to be adults and they are not. He was a brat with his mother and he remains a brat right now. He needs to grow up. What man do you know that bites when they are angry or can’t have their way? That’s something my kids did when they were 2 and 3 years old. That’s something my grandson does.
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
8:48 am
Good Morning All
That situation is VERY sad cause they are definitely sending the wrong message to the people who idolize them! They are young and I could understand that they love each other BUT..
Phuck that, ain’t NO DUDE putting his paws on me!!!
THE MELO
March 3rd, 2009
8:48 am
I know I couldn’t return to someone who has proven himself capable of harming me
becoz u are not in the situation,thatswhy u are so sure.
Like M’Karyl observed,there is more to the story.And iam thinking the herpes one has leggs.Usually,when the other party has guilty too on their conscience,they find it hard to drag the so-called aggressor all the way to the courts.Because inside of her,she knows,he is hurting inside,and the outside world dont know that!
Comfortable,plz bring my breakfast over hear,thanx!
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
8:49 am
DAMN! I didn’t mean to bold the entire text!
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
8:50 am
Karyl I wish I could say he should have been man enough to walk away no matter what is she did or was doing, but I can’t because he is not man. A grown man would think about what he has to lose if nothing else before he does something to threaten his future, career and freedom.
AmazonRed
March 3rd, 2009
8:54 am
Morning all. I was wondering if we were going to talk about this topic. Everyone else is…:???:
There are no second chances with physical abuse. It’s a given that most of us feel that she shouldn’t take him back. But what I’m also thinking is why would Chris Brown want to be with someone who pushes you to the brink? There are relationships that bring out the worst in you. You should run from them just like you should run from anyone who brings you physical harm.
And they don’t get a pass for being young. There are plenty of young people who wouldn’t stand for this either. It boils down to your self worth.
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
8:54 am
Another thing as long as they are together no one is going to forget what happened. Everytime they are seen together she will be viewed as the dumb chick that stays with a boy that beats her.
DreamsMaterialize
March 3rd, 2009
8:56 am
Morning
I agree with M’Karyl that everything is probably not what it seems. I also think it’s unfortunate that we put 19 year olds on such a pedestal, as if they are supposed to be role models for our kids. They don’t set a bad example for my kids, they don’t set any example at all for my kids. I do. What Chris Brown did was definitely not ok, but don’t provoke someone you know can knock the sh_t out of you. Sometimes women push WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY past the limits, and say and do things that would get another man knocked clean the f_ck out. But we restrain ourselves (as we should) because you are women. Just know that there are men out there who don’t practice such retraint, so save yourself the trouble and don’t provoke people to violence.
M'Karyl
March 3rd, 2009
8:57 am
@ Raqi & @Cumfort
I am not excusing his actions…yes, he should have been a mature enough man to walk away…all I am saying is that sometimes the victims instigate the confrontation with the alleged abuser…and I think that she had some part in doing this very thing to rile his anger…and I also think that if she did not, then she would not be back with him…it is a very typical pattern in these situations…which is to say that she needs as much help as he does in reconciling this issue…you do not forece a person’s anger and not expect for the consequences to be pretty…that is abuse in and of itself too…emotional abuse.
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
8:57 am
That is VERY true Raqi!!!
Quesiton: Do you think they should get a pass cause they are young and in love??
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
8:57 am
That mofo is walking around all cocky and sheet!
Been Thru It All
March 3rd, 2009
9:03 am
Good morning everyone….
I see M.I.A. has gotten some interior decorating done….
That story is sad but typical….Everyone is correct to say a MAN should never resort to hitting a woman, BUT we were not in the car with them so we don’t know what went down…I have dated some women that would not let you back down and walk away…It almost seems that they took that sign of “okay your right” to push the situation farther…I liked this one chick that told me that “If you are woman enough to put your hands on a man, be prepared to take a azz whoppin like a man”….
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
9:03 am
DreamsMaterialize If you think that celebs like CB and Rihanna aren’t having an impact on your kids you are mistaken. Yes, you can certainly counter that influence, but just like we’re watching so are they. The fact that the public has given so much attention to this case makes it public domain.
I also agree that women can go waay to far, but men are still expected to control themselves, no matter what.
THE MELO
March 3rd, 2009
9:04 am
Actually,when u look at it now,considering it is Rihanna now accepting back Chris,she shld be the one going to court for exagerated claims! Chris Brown is proly not as guilty as she is. The initial complaint was obviously phoney! Thats what happens most of the time.
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
9:06 am
One thing I have learned so far in this life is no one makes me happy, sad or mad. I do that to myself. I allow those emotions to be or not be. Yeah someone can do something to you but you can also walk away. It’s just the same as you controlling how long you choose to stay mad or sad about something. Any situation can be dismissed and walked away from. While it’s not the initial human reaction it is the facts.
Яaqi ☼
March 3rd, 2009
9:08 am
No NY there are no passes when it comes to any type of abuse from anyone.
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
9:09 am
I think she misses the sex.. Sex make people do the darndest things..
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
9:12 am
NYCUTIE that and she just hasn’t learned how to be with herself and without him. Its hard to walk away when feelings are involved, but d@mn, you gotta love yourself enough!!
Been Thru It All
March 3rd, 2009
9:12 am
off-topic…
I heard TRUTH was leaving….sorry to see dawg go…I started reading this blog back in 06 and alot people have come and gone(maybe they just changed their screen names)…anyway keep spitting the TRUTH….peace..
AmazonRed
March 3rd, 2009
9:13 am
NYCutie,
She probably misses a lot of things. But if she truly valued herself, she’d realize that she could do so much better than Chris Brown!
Sometimes we go back thinking no one can do it better, so not true!
THE MELO
March 3rd, 2009
9:14 am
I think she misses the sex u may be right.What celebrity or non-celeb is gonna holla with all that herpes stuff up in the air??????????????????????????
<strongChris is the only one who may just be prepared to say,phluck it,i got it already anyway!!! and go in there RAW.
Dan
March 3rd, 2009
9:15 am
Could someone HBO and tell a brother how to bold and italicize? Preciate it.
Rihanna is 21, likely to have had calls from Mary J. to Halle Berry about DV. So the decisions that she makes are hers to live with. That said, DV victims and addicts have one thing in common: behavior doesn’t change until they hit rock bottom.
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
9:18 am
That is true ladies! I heard that she wasn’t feeling him at first.. Now she has him and KNOWS that he could get any poosay he wants, that makes him more desirable.. The thought process of the young & stupid!
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
9:19 am
DAMN!!! She has the simplex for REAL?? Goodness! They have a website for people with that sheet to find dates..
M'Karyl
March 3rd, 2009
9:20 am
Funny what we will call LOVE when we are immature…and I will not say young, because I have seen it in oldheads too…but we will make allowances for emotionally negative behaviors and then believe that this is what love is…and that if we LOVE this person, then we will overlook the behaviors and FORGIVE them…phooey…bull manure…but alas, many ppl continue to remain in unhealthly relationships for lack of maturing into a more emotionally healthy state of being…go figure.
The Truth
March 3rd, 2009
9:22 am
Morning folks and thanks for the breakfast.
In love and life you have to have all barrels loaded, and be willing to shoot. That, if he was a man he wouldn’t hit her is bs. Every dude on earth should be at least 1/16 meaner than his woman or he’s dead in the water. Set the standard then enforced it. If you’d crack a dude open for an offence crack her or the kid open for the same offence. No quarters asked for, no quarters given
Seems strange to me that a chick that would take every penny a cat has(an azz wuppin if I ever saw one), if she could, or would use any law she could to get what she wants would want to regulate what tools he uses to control her. There are no rules in love or war.
Also, women push the envelope to see how far dude will go. Every woman does. She’s gottat know if she crosses the boundary she will pay. I say go loaded for bear, even if your just shooting pheasant.
The key is find a chick that has a self reulating system. Some women would rather talk about it or wait til later.
What kind of logic is a dude worrying about everything he has to lose being a reason not to tear your azz up. I’m always willing to put everything on the table to insure peace. There’s nothing I’ve ever owned that I can’t get back. Thats a chick thinking she can do this or that because he doesn’t want to lose his shyt. A coward indeed.
I hope CB doesnt apologize. I’d come on and say I did what I did because it was the thing to do at that moment.
Then again, we live in a world where nobody can spank their children and you can see how that project is working out. SMH
Atltwen
March 3rd, 2009
9:23 am
If my friend would not have been murdered last year by an abusive ex-fiance, I would not have paid attention to any of this.
But now – I tell all my female friends, DON’T LET NO MAN HIT YOU, LEAVE HIS A**!
And that is no guarantee your life will be spared. My friends’ wasn’t. Her killer, tracked her down, found where she lived, shot her neighbor, then found her apartment, broke in, AND SHOT HER IN THE HEAD WHILE SHE SLEPT!! Leaving her 10 year old daughter to find her dead after hearing the gunshot!!
But this all started from a “little” domestic violence dispute when they first got engaged.
Ladies, please, please, please, chose your mates and friends carefully!!!
Beautiful
March 3rd, 2009
9:23 am
waiting five minutes for our comments to post was fine with me. yesterday was ridiculous and i hope it’s not like that everyday. HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
happy tues!
DreamsMaterialize
March 3rd, 2009
9:25 am
Cum
I know that the outside world influences my kids, just as it influences adults. My point is that I have the final influence. When my kids think of what it is to be a man, they think of me because I’m involved and I’m raising them, not some strangers in the public eye. I talk to my kids, and I use situations like Chris’ and Rihanna’s to teach valuable lessons.
Now I agree that men should maintain control at all times, but that should apply to people in general. A woman should also maintain enough control to not escalate a situation to potential violence. I teach my daughter to be just as accountable for her actions as my son. Treat people with respect, and don’t do/say anything to anyone that you wouldn’t want reciprocated. You don’t get a pass on accountability because you’re a woman. A woman should show just as much restraint as a man, period.
AmazonRed
March 3rd, 2009
9:25 am
Melo, half of Hollywood has herpes and a host of other diseases. She’s in good company.
NYCutie, half of America has “that simplex” too. Those cold sores folks get can be spread to your private parts too. Folks need to educate themselves, because it’s way more common than you think. Don’t wake up with a surprise!
NYCUTIE
March 3rd, 2009
9:29 am
ATLWEN, I am soooo sorry to hear that!! Did this happen in the A? That is VERY traumatic for her baby girl!
I do agree, LEAVE that mfer!!! I would kill the dude before he kills me! Best believe CB would have been lumped the phuck had that been me!! He would have been scared to come outside!
kevmoor
March 3rd, 2009
9:30 am
Chris Brown is a little punk azz kid and Rihanna’s an Idiot to let him beat the crap out her and then go back to him. She’s an idiot!
Cumfortable-Say My Name
March 3rd, 2009
9:32 am
Atltwen so sorry about your friend. But that is exactly the reason why I feel so strongly about this. Small incidences grow, fester and the next thing you know you’re unconscious and bleeding. He’s promising never to do it again, he doesn’t know what came over him. He’s sorry, yeah, a sorry muthaf_cker! I’m listening to the Frank Ski morning show and women are calling in talking about she provoked him? Are we all in some sort of hynotic state? CB clearly had the upper hand and he used it to beat that girl. I am just floored that so many people are like well she had a hand in it!!
How?? She didnt’ beat herself!
Dan
March 3rd, 2009
9:36 am
Hello? testing
THE MELO
March 3rd, 2009
9:37 am
Ared,if CB was ur age and he hollerd ur way knowing he just got a new tat like that on the johnson wld u give him play.Im assuming u wldnt have it urself.I know teenage girls are enamored by CB but if i were Rihanna age,no sorry.Keep ur hepers to urself,i aint interested.
It wil be interesting,if CB and her go seperate ways,who is picking up the tab next.
Uall folks are busy licking women pudsyes,u dont know what u dealing with,ha? Keep on……
mytw♥cents
March 3rd, 2009
9:37 am
For many abusers, the woman’s existence is the source of provocation. And that is all. Sometimes I run into people who are plain stupid and unaware of it. It irks me to no end & I really just wanna curse them the bleep out. (Apparently more lethal given my usually soft spoken delivery.) For no other reason than their stupidity. And I think I’d feel fairly justified — yet I restrain myself.
There are a few different theories swirling on this one and I didn’t even look at the story til today b/c the two eyewitnesses haven’t released a play by play, so it’s all speculation. And those of us who are most sure of what we would do or wouldn’t accept in this situation have probably never walked in those shoes. Thankfully. So again, it’s ALL speculation.
AmazonRed
March 3rd, 2009
9:38 am
Comfy,
I’m with you. “She provoked him,” well, duh that’s kind of a given. I mean I hope folks don’t go around knocking women for no reason. Even still that’s no excuse.
Rihanna’s dad is in the media talking about he supports her and whatever decision she makes. F that. He should have rolled down there and whooped his azz personally!
Beautiful
March 3rd, 2009
9:39 am
@NY
i was shocked when i first saw the photos. still am. i’ll never look at him the same. all these kids ruining their lives and careers over bad decisions. first the human fish (the swimmer) . . . now chris! this will pass, but this isn’t the last we hear of chris and his behavior. hitting on women is a disease. he should seek therapy and make it apart of his life.
AmazonRed
March 3rd, 2009
9:40 am
Melo, there will never be a shortage of women willing to give Chris Brown play for whatever he may have. Period.
DreamsMaterialize
March 3rd, 2009
9:40 am
Enter your comments here
THE MELO
March 3rd, 2009
9:40 am
CB clearly had the upper hand and he used it
How did he have the upper hand????