As the dating blogger, I’m occasionally sent books about relationships and finding true love. The latest to cross my desk is “Stupid About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right” by Christian therapist Deborah Dunn. In it, she uses the term “SAM Syndrome” to describe women who are, you guessed it, “stupid about men.”

Wondering if you might be such a person? Here’s an excerpt:

How a Woman with the SAM Syndrome Thinks:

• My value as a woman is determined by a man.

• My self-image is in direct proportion to my sexual desirability.

• The purpose of life is to find true love.

• If a man does not love me, God has forgotten me.

• The power of my love can change a man.

• To be needed is to be loved.

And How a Woman with the SAM Syndrome Behaves:

• Constantly compares herself to other women.

• Is self-critical and obsessed with weight, appearance and clothing.

• Complains frequently of loneliness and a fear that life is passing her by.

• Is impulsive in love and enters into sexual …

Continue reading Are you stupid about men? »

A wishful message from someecards.com

Of the million questions I have about life and love, one of the murkiest centers around the concept of “changing” for a partner. Most of us, especially today’s independent women, raise our eyebrows (if not our voices) in horror at the thought. 

“Change me?” we think. “You want to change something about who I am? Well then clearly, we’re not right for eachother, because the ideal partner will love me for me, imperfections and all.”

Sounds good, right? I mean, I hope it’s true. I want to believe that is how it works. That said, I also realize that in any relationship, adjustments happen. I’ve haven’t had many beaus point out major flaws that need addressed, but when it has happened (because it does), I ask myself the following: Is this a fair point? Will I become a better person because of it, or does it change my core essence?

Navigating those answers is the tricky part! For example, I once had a boyfriend who said I got a little too …

Continue reading I love you, except for these few details… »

Confidence is an important thing to have when you are on the dating scene. We all think that our stock on the singles market is high, and we should! We should also be realistic.  If you haven’t noticed before, Atlanta singles are hot, successful, and picky! This can be both a blessing and a curse. Blessing: plenty of eye candy, lots of options. Curse: plenty of eye candy and lots of options. It’s all about spin, ya’ll

Do you find it hard to display your confidence on the dating market? Are you cautious about the way you present confidence to potential dates?

I think one can take it too far because there is a fine line between confidence and annoying behavior. Some egos can be too big!

When you cross that line, you should be able to tell by the way people respond to you. Has anyone ever told you that your confidence was a turn off?

Continue reading Dating: Confidence & Ego »

If you’ve ever dated someone of a different race, culture, or religion then you have probably had one of those awkward moments. I’m talking about the moment that one of you have said something insensitive or insulting about that person’s beliefs, race, culture, etc.  Hopefully it was unintentional, but in order to recover from it, you must talk it out.

I can remember dating a sweet, red-haired freckled white guy with a great sense of humor. I was still in my “is he dating me out of curiosity/novelty” phase, so I was a little more sensitive to what he said. I think this was a good thing because it brought about good discussion about his intentions.

When he once made a disparaging remark about black women, things got heated. Let me tell you, trying to explain to someone you are dating that they sound like a racist is not a fun conversation. It got heated and a little rough! I think he finally got the point that I was trying to make but it came close to being what ended things …

Continue reading Dating Can Get Rough! »

I’m no relationship expert but I have made a disaster out of enough relationships to know a little about what not to do. I feel pretty qualified to say this: never, ever, EVER give a guy an ultimatum. It’s the quickest way to torpedo your future with him – unless, of course that’s your cowardly way of ending things.

I have seen/heard just about every dating/relationship ultimatum you could name: Commitment phobe ultimatum  (Marry me or I will split), the Porn Ultimatum (Don’t even think of touching me until your stash is gone), even the Pet Ultimatum! She actually wanted him to choose her over “man’s best friend”.

Ultimatums are like emotional traps set to back a person into a corner. You are unfairly forcing them to make a decision. No good can come from it. When it backfires, you try to be the victim when you are actually the opposite. At least that has been my experience.

Have ultimatums ever worked for you? Why do women seem to try this approach so much?

Guys, have you …

Continue reading Ultimatums are Ultimate Disasters »

I am excited that HBO’s In Treatment is returning for another season soon! I am always intrigued with shows that explore relationships and intimacy in a unique way. I also wonder what would happen if I found out that someone I was dating was seeing a therapist. Would it be a turn off?

I remember once meeting a guy who had a “life coach” and thought it was surprising that he actually told me about it. When I mentioned to my father that the guy had a life coach, he told me to stay away from the guy. Then he proceeded to make fun of the fact that men today needed help to deal with life. Which then launched him into those “when I was growing up” stories, but I digress.  The point is, my father is old school and he doesn’t believe that men should be “in treatment”. What are your thoughts?

Would it bother you if someone you dated had a therapist?

If you are in treatment, do you disclose this to someone you are dating? If so, when and how do you bring it …

Continue reading In Treatment »

I receive a lot of emails from the single women in Atlanta who are frustated with the current state of dating. Their frustrations range from “Where are all the available men? I can’t find them?! to “Why don’t men approach?”. One reader asked a great question: Are modern men hunters? That is a fair question, I think. Women don’t always know when to recognize when a guy is “hunting”.  There are times that we view their behavior as being a player, pimp, or whatever term they are using these days to describe babe magnets.

So ladies, do you consider men to still be the hunters? Do you feel, well..hunted? From your experiences and observations, do guys still go after what they want? When you are mixing and mingling, do you think men are a little lazy? From the cold approach, information exchange, and follow-up, how have Atlanta men fared with you?

Guys, we always appreciate your inside into the male mind! Break it down for us: are you still the hunter? How do you use modern …

Continue reading Are Men Still Hunters? »

At a recent dinner with friends, a dating dilemma became the hot topic of the table. Here goes: so my friend knows a 30-year-old smart, attractive and fun woman who is still a virgin. It’s not that she necessarily has a strong religious conviction and decided to wait until marriage, but for reasons to which I’m not privy, she’s waiting for the right guy.

Said woman, let’s call her Kelly, thinks she’s found him. She’s been seeing Mark for about six months very casually. They hang out with mutual friends and play sports together, and while they’ve fooled around, they still haven’t “gone for it.” The thing is, he doesn’t want to. He’s told mutual friends that he doesn’t want to be responsible for being her first, because he believes she’ll then want to be serious and he’s just not feeling it.

Some guys at dinner the other night offered that maybe he’d feel too much pressure to perform and that’s why he hasn’t gone for it, but frankly, I’d think there would be less pressure as …

Continue reading The 30-year-old virgin: would you or wouldn’t you? »

Occasionally I’ll get a text or phone call from people in my past, not necessarily in any romantic sense as much as to say hello and catch up. For the most part, I’m not friends with Exes. For reasons I’m still exploring, I find it strange that former lovers can later just hang out or even go on double dates.

However, because I’ve moved around so much, I’ve grown to see it’s really not that big of a deal, especially as I rarely see my Exes and they’re not a regular part of my life.

I never hide to my Exes whether I’m seeing someone at the time, but I generally don’t feel I need to report to my boyfriend whether I talked to an Ex, either. In my mind, those rare conversations are harmless and it’s not as if we reminisce on our past. I wouldn’t be so cavalier, of course, if those discussions became a regular or intimate thing, or if they tugged on any heart string.

What’s your stance when it comes to keeping in touch with former flames? Would you tell your partner if you spoke …

Continue reading If dating someone new, do you still talk to your exes? »

My friends and I were talking about alleged differences between some men and women when it comes to their primary focus: relationship or work.

According to my male friends, men can’t get serious in an mature relationship until they have their careers in order. On the flip side, it seems we women may have an easier time striking the balance between work and love…or do we?

As my pal Jim told me, he’s often had relationships in which he felt his girlfriend(s) were hyper-focused on their relationship in a detrimental way. In turn, those same women accused him of being a workaholic who ignored their needs. 

Where’s the balance? 

Women, how successful do you think you are or have been at pursuing your career while successfully managing a relationship? Men, do you agree with the idea that you must have your professional path in order to think about settling down? Do we think both sexes generally approach these priorities the same? What accounts for the differences?

Continue reading Keeping priorities in focus »