Take heart, Atlanta: We no longer lead any league in stupidity!
Bobby Petrino once was a Bird. Now he's just a birdbrain. (AJC photo by Curtis Compton)
This hasn’t been the easiest time to care about sports around here. The Braves collapsed in September, made no moves of note over the winter and started the new season 0-4. The Falcons didn’t score a point on offense in their playoff loss, made no ripple in free agency and don’t have a Round 1 pick in the draft. The Georgia Bulldogs lost the SEC championship game by 32 points, blew the Outback Bowl and have seen much of their defensive backfield arrested and/or suspended.
And here’s where we cast our eyes toward yonder horizon and espy …
A silver lining.
Our sporting fortunes might not be all that exciting at the moment, but we’ve gotten past the point (at least for the moment) where they’re utterly stupid. For utterly stupid, we must turn elsewhere in the South.
• An SEC head coach wrecked his motorcycle with his girlfriend aboard, and he did it, appropriately enough, on April Fool’s Day. He failed to mention the girlfriend’s presence to his boss (or, presumably, to his wife and children). Apparently this young woman was so dear to the coach that he not only hired her but gave her $20,000. The coach was fired Tuesday night.
• A National League East manager gave an interview to Time and expressed an affection for a despot, saying: “I love Fidel Castro.” That manager’s team had just christened a shining new stadium in an area of Miami known as Little Havana for its preponderance of Cubans, many of whom fled Castro’s regime. The manager was suspended Tuesday for five games.
• An NFC South team condoned a bounty program that was in place when this long-suffering franchise finally won a Super Bowl. The NFL’s discovery of these bounties resulted in a year’s suspension for the head coach, a half-year’s suspension for the general manager and a six-game suspension for the assistant head coach. The NFL upheld those penalties Monday.
It isn’t just that we Atlantans/Georgians can bask in the warm glow of schadenfreude. (That’s German for “pleasure taken from the misfortune of others.”) There’s a chance our local entries will benefit from this run of misbehavior. The NFC South team is New Orleans, which has beaten the Falcons 10 times in 12 games under the now-suspended Sean Payton. The NL East team managed by Ozzie Guillen is the Marlins, who spent heavily on personnel and have been tabbed by some to finish ahead of the Braves. And the SEC West team …
Well, that’s a double boon. Arkansas was seen as a top 10 team for 2012, just like Georgia, and the Razorbacks were coached by Bobby Petrino, who ran out on the Falcons after 13 games in 2007 and stands alongside Steve Spurrier and Jim Leyritz as the biggest villain in Atlanta/Georgia sports annals. Our response to Petrino’s (literal and figurative) fall: It couldn’t have happened to a nicer rat.
There’s another savory twist to this outbreak of idiocy. For once, Atlanta hasn’t been the source of such gaffes. Goodness knows, that hasn’t always been the case.
We’re the city that saw its NFL team’s only Super Bowl appearance besmirched by the arrest of Eugene Robinson for solicitation only hours after he accepted the league’s good citizenship award. We’re the city that saw its NBA franchise snarled in court for five years because one owner balked at the trade for Joe Johnson. We’re the city that recoiled when its baseball team’s closer gave an interview to another Time-Life publication — in John Rocker’s case, it was Sports Illustrated — that offended nearly every ethnicity. We’re the city that lost its NHL franchise — twice!
We in Atlanta saw our NFL team draft Michael Vick No. 1 overall and pay him big money, some of which he invested in a dogfighting enterprise in Virginia. To maximize Vick’s talent, the same NFL team hired Petrino away from Louisville. (As it happened, Petrino never coached Vick in a game.) We’re the city where the Georgia athletic director Damon Evans took his swerving midnight ride up Roswell Road with a woman who wasn’t his wife and whose undergarments weren’t in place.
Over time, we in Atlanta have known far more than our fair share of ridicule, so you’ll have to pardon us if we’re chuckling at the moment. We were just named the nation’s most miserable sports city by Forbes, and you know what they say about misery. It just loves company. And here’s where we say:
“Pull up a chair, Brother Petrino, and tell us all about it. Heh, heh, heh.”
By Mark Bradley
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235 comments Add your comment
LCDawg
April 11th, 2012
6:55 pm
Karma’s a real beetch
turdburglar
April 11th, 2012
6:59 pm
Perez of the Braves wasn’t nicknamed I-285, he was called Perimiter Perez.
Ted
April 11th, 2012
7:03 pm
Atlanta is a total loser sports city. No one cares about the local sports teams who choke year after year and the Braves got exactly what they deserved last September to the amusement of many. The Saints got what they deserved but if the only way that you can beat the Saints is by their coach being suspended, that’s a sad commentary in itself…
Paddy
April 11th, 2012
7:03 pm
Joe Tess…..go away you are not welcome here, remember?
Waddell Waddle
April 11th, 2012
7:04 pm
What, am I forgotten already?
Joe Tess Fish House
April 11th, 2012
7:14 pm
I still thing Atlanta sports is an embrassment.
Skeezix
April 11th, 2012
7:19 pm
Kudos to Arkansas for doing the right thing and firing Petrino. I still can’ t believe what Ozzie said about Castro. What happened in New Orleans was immoral and criminal–they got off light.
I see trouble is brewing at Baylor.
Bigdawg
April 11th, 2012
7:23 pm
Buckeyes: Jack Nicklaus, Jesse Owens, John Havlicek, Tom Weiskopf, Frank Howard, Archie Griffin!
Bigdawg
April 11th, 2012
7:24 pm
I don’t see the big problem with Ozzie expressing his personal opinion? I mean, millions of Americans love GWB and he’s killed nearly as many innocents as Castro!
Tim
April 11th, 2012
7:24 pm
Oh how sweet!! what goes around comes around!!
Ken
April 11th, 2012
8:05 pm
I can’t help it, I gotta say it: Petrino has his neck in a brace and his @$$ in a sling!
Vulture
April 11th, 2012
8:06 pm
“Do I have this right? Georgia Tech folks are upset about being left out of a column about … stupidity?”
LOL, I was thinking the same thing. I would have never thought that it be so interesting to add up all the miserable things that have happened to the local teams.
GwinnettDad
April 11th, 2012
8:08 pm
Baloney to that Forbes study about the most miserable sports city. Cleveland, Ohio wins it hands down. The only reason Forbes rated Atlanta worse is probably because nobody from Forbes ever bothered to go there (I spent a week there once Sunday etc.). Cleveland has had Lebron James thumb his nose at his hometown (Akron), lost two Cy Young pitchers immediately after their achievements, but that’s only the short list. Browns haven’t won since 1964, and that was before the Super Bowl. Indians not since the year I was born, 1948. Willie Mays catch? Against Cleveland. Cavaliers don’t count, really, but Lebron did become Lebong with the heat on. Just a very short list. The Drive? That’s against Cleveland (Elway became a legend playing against the Browns). The fumble of Ernest Byner on the 2 yard line in the NFL Championship game to choke tieing the game? Atlanta doesn’t have one tenth of the stories of agony or stupidity that Clevleand has had.
Stiffneck
April 11th, 2012
8:12 pm
turdburglar – He wore I-285 on the back of his warmup jacket and smiled indulgently when he was called I-285 Perez, Perimeter Perez or Wrong-Way Pascual. Depends on who you ask. He circled Atlanta three times on I-285, ran out of gas, and arrived 10 minutes after gametime. The incident earned Perez the nickname “I-285.” Still funny stuff.
pat
April 11th, 2012
8:29 pm
I love what Petrino did to himself…That’s karma baby! It took 5 years, but it cost him his job and likely his family. I wish I could meet him so I could laugh in his arrogant, sniveling face…. I am so happy I could cry…. I wish more bad stuff would happen to him.
Karma
April 11th, 2012
8:33 pm
Don’t leave out andre rison shooting holes in Kroger ceiling, dan Heatley killing Dan Snyder and virtually everything ASG ever did. In a few years we may add ted turner for signing bad tv contract for braves and then losing braves hawks and thrashers through time warner merger leading to curse of ASG and Liberty.
pat
April 11th, 2012
8:36 pm
Of course, if you hire a guy who runs lies and runs out on another team to come to you, you should not be the least bit surprised he lies, cheats and steals. It’s not like you didn’t know the jerk had character issues.
loserville
April 11th, 2012
9:06 pm
The ATL — loserville–they choke every year in every sport! I miss NY–city of champions! I may move back to the Bronx next year if the economy improves.
OldTimer
April 11th, 2012
9:09 pm
The hiring of Gonzalez a great move? Really? You’re officially nominated for brown-noser of the year Bradley.
Karma
April 11th, 2012
9:13 pm
Move back to Bronx. Yankees haven’t won in few years despite payroll. Been a while for rangers and Knicks. Guess you include nj teams. Keep heading north to Boston for real city with recent rings
Definition of loser
April 11th, 2012
10:48 pm
Someone who needs the economy to improve to be able to move back nawth
Mary Reed
April 11th, 2012
11:03 pm
You forgot both Bobby Cremins and George O’Leary bolting Tech for Notre Dame? I still cringe when I think of what happened to O’Leary!
Strange Murphy
April 11th, 2012
11:21 pm
Atlanta still has Tech so it’s still Losersville.
cpsman_atlanta
April 11th, 2012
11:40 pm
Atlanta Spirit still owns Philips Arena and the Hawks. We still lead all leagues in stupidity because of this. BOYCOTT ATLANTA SPIRIT GROUP!!!! LONG LIVE THE THRASHERS!!!
cpsman_atlanta
April 11th, 2012
11:43 pm
Burn in hell, Atlanta Spirit Group!!!
Doodlebug
April 12th, 2012
12:19 am
I miss Stan Kasten.
longsufferingatlantasportsfan
April 12th, 2012
1:30 am
stiffneck – you can’t be be forgetting about the Braves signing Al ” the Mad Hungarian ” Hrabosky? Now *that* was a freakshow!
jay
April 12th, 2012
4:02 am
How about WCW, the Atlanta-based wrestling promotion, whoase roots go back as far as 80 years, getting purchased by it’s competitor, WWF/E, only to be put out of business.
Mountain Dawg
April 12th, 2012
5:36 am
Reggie Ball is the dumbest player ever in Atlanta.
The Ghost of Wally Butts
April 12th, 2012
6:08 am
Enter your comments here
The Ghost of Wally Butts
April 12th, 2012
6:11 am
It’s a formula for trouble that’s as old as the scriptures….
Older Man + Money + Power + Opportunity + Younger Woman = Trouble
From King David/Bathsheba to Clinton/Lewinsky to Damon/Red Panties to Tiger/Pancake House to Bobby Pig-Sooey/Blondie….it’s the same ol’ story, just the latest verse.
mehlman rings twice
April 12th, 2012
6:22 am
What about Dany Heatly?
ramblingbuzz
April 12th, 2012
7:34 am
Snake Doc sounds bitter about everything. ATL may not be a great sports town, but it beats the hello out of every northeastern and midwestern city in everything else.
ramblingbuzz
April 12th, 2012
7:43 am
“NCAA puts Baylor basketball on 3 years’ probation”….Wow, it’s a good thing Baylor is not GT or else in addition to being on probation Baylor would have been forced to give back their Womens’ Natl BB Championship.
badsports
April 12th, 2012
8:00 am
which city’s sports are more miserable: atlanta or cleveland? Both are at the bottom–bad teams or chokes every year.
How bout them jackets?
April 12th, 2012
8:06 am
So I guess GT’s NCAA sanctions and stripped ACC football title don’t count as embarrasing to the state of Georgia sports?
MoneyforSex
April 12th, 2012
8:07 am
bobby gave up $18 million in buyout money for this chick???? WOW!!! Whatever she’s doing, must be very good!!!
Skipper
April 12th, 2012
8:27 am
Mr. Bradley very conveniently ignores the fact that in the stupid department it was the Falcons who came calling on Petrino even after that Louisville – Auburn episode. Petrino got what he deserved. So did the Falcons.
Slick Willie aka Bobby
April 12th, 2012
9:14 am
I did not have sex with that woman!!!
Forrest Gump
April 12th, 2012
9:16 am
Mama says” Stupid is as Stupid does”!
Ted
April 12th, 2012
9:51 am
The Falcons knew what Petrino was about before they hired him. He had character issues then. The Falcons got exactly what they deserved.
nate from detroit
April 12th, 2012
10:10 am
Am I the only one who finds it sad that a baptist affiliated school (Baylor U) gets on probation for cheating and not following the rules? Buckeye fans need to beware of Urbie and his tactics. They could best be summed up by the former player quoted in the Hayes article that Meyer is a great coach and an bad person. The only problem with this is that as long as he wins, The Ohio State University and their fans won’t care what a weasel he is.
j
April 12th, 2012
10:11 am
so let me get this straight…the teams here cant win a damn thing so they relish in others downfalls…sure makes sense to me…what a crappy sports own with a bunch of snobby people running around…go away falcons, hawks and braves…about the only thing this city is good for is uga and even that they screw up “we want richt fired” idiots
Pamela
April 12th, 2012
10:53 am
Wow..how SAD is this article? Bounty gate may have been in New Orleans, but it goes on EVERYWHERE!!! Have you FAILCANT’S fans noticed that Matt Ryan WAS NOT on thier list? Because our team is SORRY! YOU ALL KNOW IT! And for the sorry editor of this story to say that the NFC South team (New Orleans Saints) finally won the superbowl! Well…WHY HAVEN’T THE FAILCONS EVER WON? WHY? BECAUSE YOUR TEAM IS SORRY AND SAD!!! YOU ALL WILL NEVER WIN THE SUPERBOWL…YOU ARE THE WORST TEAM IN THE NFL! SO SORRY THAT YOUR TEAM SHOULD BE SOLD TO A REAL CITY WHERE THEIR FANS ENJOY SPORTS…THEY NEED TO START BY GETTING AN ENTIRE COACHING STAFF AND PLAYERS! ALL OF YOUR PLAYERS SUCK! TURNER IS FAT, SLOW AND HORRIBLE! WHY IS HE STILL ON THE TEAM??? MATT RYAN IS A SISSY PLAYER! WHY IS HE STILL ON THE TEAM???
Pamela
April 12th, 2012
10:54 am
Because the Failcant’s is SORRY! Not our team…that is why the Matt Ryen was NOT on their list!
Dr. Phil
April 12th, 2012
10:59 am
Petrino riding around on Sunday afternoon attached to a 25-year-old blonde and sexting with a university cellphone has to be the most arrogant and stupid performance of any recent public figures caught with their panties down, including the infmous red ones.
fletch
April 12th, 2012
11:12 am
“Because the Failcant’s is SORRY! Not our team…that is why the Matt Ryen was NOT on their list!”
Pamela sounds like a really intelligent Saints fan…probably one of the many morons who ignored the warning to get out of that filthy city prior to Katrina and then blamed Bush when her trailer was floating down the street.
LeTwan Anthony
April 12th, 2012
11:13 am
LeTwan would tell you that while you claim Atlanta no longer leads any league in stupidity . . . it was not long ago that a camera pointed in the Braves dugout would reveal a manager with his finger up his nose. Now, it reveals Fredi doing whatever it is Fredi does. We are not far removed.
Promethius
April 12th, 2012
12:21 pm
I’m moving to Atlanta asap. Hope I don’t get murdered on streets the first day.
Say What??
April 12th, 2012
12:30 pm
It always amazes me how much effort people use to simply insult someone else. I guess that makes them feel better about themselves? I don’t know… I am not a shrink, but seriously, those people must lead really sad lives…
So let me ask this… and I am being serious now… why do you do it? Why do you take time out of your life to post insulting and demeaning things? What does that do for you? I guess I understand UGA fans retaliating to a Tech fan who has logged into a UGA blog and insulted their rival or vice versa… But why would a person who seems to dislike a team so much take the time to do this?