Take heart, Atlanta: We no longer lead any league in stupidity!
Bobby Petrino once was a Bird. Now he's just a birdbrain. (AJC photo by Curtis Compton)
This hasn’t been the easiest time to care about sports around here. The Braves collapsed in September, made no moves of note over the winter and started the new season 0-4. The Falcons didn’t score a point on offense in their playoff loss, made no ripple in free agency and don’t have a Round 1 pick in the draft. The Georgia Bulldogs lost the SEC championship game by 32 points, blew the Outback Bowl and have seen much of their defensive backfield arrested and/or suspended.
And here’s where we cast our eyes toward yonder horizon and espy …
A silver lining.
Our sporting fortunes might not be all that exciting at the moment, but we’ve gotten past the point (at least for the moment) where they’re utterly stupid. For utterly stupid, we must turn elsewhere in the South.
• An SEC head coach wrecked his motorcycle with his girlfriend aboard, and he did it, appropriately enough, on April Fool’s Day. He failed to mention the girlfriend’s presence to his boss (or, presumably, to his wife and children). Apparently this young woman was so dear to the coach that he not only hired her but gave her $20,000. The coach was fired Tuesday night.
• A National League East manager gave an interview to Time and expressed an affection for a despot, saying: “I love Fidel Castro.” That manager’s team had just christened a shining new stadium in an area of Miami known as Little Havana for its preponderance of Cubans, many of whom fled Castro’s regime. The manager was suspended Tuesday for five games.
• An NFC South team condoned a bounty program that was in place when this long-suffering franchise finally won a Super Bowl. The NFL’s discovery of these bounties resulted in a year’s suspension for the head coach, a half-year’s suspension for the general manager and a six-game suspension for the assistant head coach. The NFL upheld those penalties Monday.
It isn’t just that we Atlantans/Georgians can bask in the warm glow of schadenfreude. (That’s German for “pleasure taken from the misfortune of others.”) There’s a chance our local entries will benefit from this run of misbehavior. The NFC South team is New Orleans, which has beaten the Falcons 10 times in 12 games under the now-suspended Sean Payton. The NL East team managed by Ozzie Guillen is the Marlins, who spent heavily on personnel and have been tabbed by some to finish ahead of the Braves. And the SEC West team …
Well, that’s a double boon. Arkansas was seen as a top 10 team for 2012, just like Georgia, and the Razorbacks were coached by Bobby Petrino, who ran out on the Falcons after 13 games in 2007 and stands alongside Steve Spurrier and Jim Leyritz as the biggest villain in Atlanta/Georgia sports annals. Our response to Petrino’s (literal and figurative) fall: It couldn’t have happened to a nicer rat.
There’s another savory twist to this outbreak of idiocy. For once, Atlanta hasn’t been the source of such gaffes. Goodness knows, that hasn’t always been the case.
We’re the city that saw its NFL team’s only Super Bowl appearance besmirched by the arrest of Eugene Robinson for solicitation only hours after he accepted the league’s good citizenship award. We’re the city that saw its NBA franchise snarled in court for five years because one owner balked at the trade for Joe Johnson. We’re the city that recoiled when its baseball team’s closer gave an interview to another Time-Life publication — in John Rocker’s case, it was Sports Illustrated — that offended nearly every ethnicity. We’re the city that lost its NHL franchise — twice!
We in Atlanta saw our NFL team draft Michael Vick No. 1 overall and pay him big money, some of which he invested in a dogfighting enterprise in Virginia. To maximize Vick’s talent, the same NFL team hired Petrino away from Louisville. (As it happened, Petrino never coached Vick in a game.) We’re the city where the Georgia athletic director Damon Evans took his swerving midnight ride up Roswell Road with a woman who wasn’t his wife and whose undergarments weren’t in place.
Over time, we in Atlanta have known far more than our fair share of ridicule, so you’ll have to pardon us if we’re chuckling at the moment. We were just named the nation’s most miserable sports city by Forbes, and you know what they say about misery. It just loves company. And here’s where we say:
“Pull up a chair, Brother Petrino, and tell us all about it. Heh, heh, heh.”
By Mark Bradley
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235 comments Add your comment
Mark Bradley
April 11th, 2012
3:08 pm
How stupid am I? I plumb forgot Eugene!
He’s in there now. Thanks, bigdon.
George Stein
April 11th, 2012
3:10 pm
If the commentariat is any indication, we have no reason to worry about anyone taking our crown as the stupidest sports city.
Mike Lum Fan
April 11th, 2012
3:11 pm
Mark, aren’t ya glad that Valentine is no longer on Baseball tonight? Hallelujah!!!
JB
April 11th, 2012
3:12 pm
Braves will be a deal by summer.$1 parking and $2 outfield seats. The place will be a tomb….Just like the 80’s. Who owns the Braves now?
JMS
April 11th, 2012
3:15 pm
Just a sampling of add-ons: Kent Hrbeck wrestles with Ron Gant, Eric Gregg’s strike zone knows no bounds, Eugene Robinson gets to know Miami, Tech vacates ‘09 ACC title, UGA doesn’t bother to show for ‘05 Sugar Bowl (held in Atlanta, no less), Hawks’ endless string of draft follies, Michael Vick breaks leg in preseason game, Jim Mora, Jerry Glanville, Russ Nixon, Chuck Tanner, Rankin Smith, Lon Kruger, Terry Stotts and on and on and on and on…
SSIgator
April 11th, 2012
3:16 pm
“Take heart, Atlanta: We no longer lead any league in stupidity!”
Not any more. Mark Richt has wrestled that crown away and it will reside in Athens for quite some time. Well, at least until the suckers that shell out big dollars each year to watch UGA underperform wake up and realize what they have been wasting their money on. UGA football – Home of the ten win season, but no titles. 1980 – so long ago.
1eyedJack
April 11th, 2012
3:26 pm
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.
www
April 11th, 2012
3:33 pm
some intern at the ajc should remind bradley there’s a team in atlanta that has won 4 MNCs. last year wasn’t an amazing year for GT either but it seems odd that bradley doesn’t know they exist.
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:34 pm
Well you know the old saying that misery loves company and there is plenty of sports misery in Atlanta and Athens.
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:38 pm
According to your colleague Schultz, Petrino got run over by the Karma Train. And it couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.
Mark Bradley
April 11th, 2012
3:39 pm
Do I have this right? Georgia Tech folks are upset about being left out of a column about … stupidity?
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:40 pm
Sonny Clusters……you out there? Waiting for some more entertaining commentary from you.
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:42 pm
Wasn’t me that complained about no GT mention in this blog Mark. Some Tech fans have a major inferiority complex about everything.
The rut
April 11th, 2012
3:46 pm
I was on the get rid of Fredi banwagon and long before we opened 0-4-When they interviewed him and heard “you know” every fourth & fifth word, what the h–l impressed Wren?
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:47 pm
I guess it’s kind of like the wallflower in high school who lives in the shadow of the head cheerleader. You know, all that schatzenfruede stuff. Or was it Schultzenfruede? And where is Sonny this afternoon? Clusters not Perdue.
beard
April 11th, 2012
3:48 pm
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
should have just stayed at Louisville where they obviously do not give a rats behind just ask Pitino
DawginLex
April 11th, 2012
3:49 pm
Don’t worry SSI, Muschump and the slithering reptiles will always be one up in the stupidity and cover up artist department
Flattering article about your former coach who thrived on Timmy, the only class in that act.
How is that player doing who dragged his girl out of the house by the hair?
And by the way, you need to change your tampon and go douche. I can smell yo nasty self through the computer
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:50 pm
Somehow the name Fredi Gonzales jsut doesn’t fit a major league manager. We need a manager with a name like Sparky, Grizz, or Buster.
The rut
April 11th, 2012
3:51 pm
I really don’t understand how a UGA fan can get on here and blog with the mess that goes on over in Athens. . Why not just hide? Are you proud of your athletes?
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
3:51 pm
just
Ted M
April 11th, 2012
3:52 pm
I was one of those fans that thought Fredi Gonzalez was gonna be a good hire…I was wrong.
The rut
April 11th, 2012
3:57 pm
How does a UGA fan have the gall to come on here and blog? Aren’t you ashamed of what is going on with the athletes in Athens?
dean
April 11th, 2012
3:57 pm
Superbowl Sunday! Out of the rack at 0600. Flip on the Alphabet for the all day gluttony that is endless pregame prognostication. Then: ***BREAKING NEWS: Eugene Robinson arrested for solicitation.***
“We are doomed. It’s over.” We were and it was.
Snake doc
April 11th, 2012
3:58 pm
No – We still lead the league in stupidity. This is the ATL and the don’t ya know!
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
4:00 pm
Petrino went a riding up to the lake, u-huh, u-huh,
Petrino went a riding up to the lake, u-huh.
Petrino went a riding up to the lake,
A spill on his Harley, he did take.
U-huh, u-huh, u-huh.
Petrino to the cops he did say, u-huh, u-huh,
Petrino to the cops he did say, u-huh.
Petrino to the cops he did say,
Please don’t give my secret away.
U-huh, u-huh, u-huh.
ramblingbuzz
April 11th, 2012
4:01 pm
to the tune of Froggy went a courtin. Or Bobby went a slidin.
Snake doc
April 11th, 2012
4:04 pm
Try this on for stupid. Dumbmass Falcons may be on hardknocks. What a joke. And you’re telling me the ATL isn’t the dumbest sports town in history. LMFAO!
Dan
April 11th, 2012
4:05 pm
Hmmm a baseball manager is suspended for stating an opinion, albeit an ignorant one. Now I get it, more of a marketing move in a market with a large cuban population. I have yet to see an article that doesn’t agree Ozzies statements were ignorant and insulting to many. Sooo why is there not a similar outcry when a former president of the US and members of the congressional black caucaus visit cuba and extol how beneficial Castro is to his people. Just saying
fes
April 11th, 2012
4:08 pm
can someone hurry up and get saban a motorcycle?
Snake doc
April 11th, 2012
4:11 pm
Dan – don’t hold your breath. Liberals just love Castro and you cannot call them out on it. You see liberals like bradley and schultz are all knowing, you’re just to stupid to know it yet.
You have now been marked for possible relocation to the nearest FEMA camp. See ya there!
And then their's
April 11th, 2012
4:11 pm
Add Coach George O’ Leary to the resume.
Snake doc
April 11th, 2012
4:11 pm
Saban’s not that stupid. Pissino, ehhh, he always was a ignoranus!
LawDawg
April 11th, 2012
4:16 pm
With the whole Castro thing, why does the sports media keep leaving out the part where Guillen says the reason he respects him is that he managed to survive death despite the CIA and other gunning for him for 60 years?
maharajiean shorts
April 11th, 2012
4:20 pm
GT still believes they can win in modern CFB with a high school offense and that their coach is a class act.
STUPIDITY AWARD=GT!!!
And don’t worry, it’s correct, their academics can’t lie. They are really smart!!!
A1A
April 11th, 2012
4:20 pm
Unfortunately we have Mark Richt and his very unholy gang of low class illiterates that will always be a huge embarrassment to this state.
nhlfan79
April 11th, 2012
4:22 pm
Atlanta Spirit is still in business after selling off a major league franchise to a Canadian outpost, failed twice to consummate a sale of the Hawks and arena, and won’t even bother to fix inoperable scoreboards. There’s still PLENTY of stupid in this town, believe you me.
Elise
April 11th, 2012
4:24 pm
Georgia Tech has the nation’s highest average SAT score for football players, and also the highest average high school GPA.
UGA, on the other hand, had one of the very lowest SAT averages, as well as a very low GPA average. As a result, three-fourths of UGA players are “special admits,” when means that they can not meet the minimum educational and intelligence requirements for admission to UGA, even as low as that is.
Yes, it would be great if Tech was more competitive with UGA, but Tech fans are proud of our heritage of having intelligent, responsible athletes who go on to rewarding careers and contribute to society.
Contrast this with the very unintelligent t-h-u-g-s that UGA recruits. The 50 arrests over the last four years is proof enough, not to mention winning the Fulmer Cup. Most of these goons are tossed out after their eligibility is over, and many end up on welfare.
UGA is clearly just a football f-a-c-t-o-r-y dedicated to winning at all costs, and most UGA fans are okay with this, with no concern about the embarrassment this brings to the State of Georgia.
Mark Richt is the architect of this situation. As long as he is paid a huge salary, he will continue to recruit the illiterate brain-dead t-h-u-g-s who he thinks will win. Unfortunately for UGA fans, he’s not remotely in the same league with the top coaches in the SEC.
So the bottom line is that Georgia Tech – win or lose – does so with honor and integrity, while the lowlife punks, woman beaters, drug users, and drunks in Athens continue to embarrass us all.
NHL Playoffs Anyone?
April 11th, 2012
4:25 pm
Mark, Lest we forget our humble city’s ability to lose an NHL franchise, not once, but twice. Go Jets (the Winnipeg variety).
TDone
April 11th, 2012
4:25 pm
Tech should not be taken to task for the 2009 ACC Championsip matter. Tech won the game on the field of play. The NCAA sends an investigator from a rival conference school to investigate $312 of merchandies, which it has never proved the Tech football player received. The investigator tells the Tech AD not to tell the head coach prior to its big game with its chief rival. We can be on the list for O’Leary, but not the 2009 ACC Championship.
Spudd Webb
April 11th, 2012
4:31 pm
Don’t know how we can have a discussion of all-time great Atlanta sports gaffes without discussing Randy Wittman and Jon Koncak, AKA the Vanilla Gorilla and the White Tornado.
DawginLex
April 11th, 2012
4:32 pm
Gosh A1A, you are so creative.
We have NEVER heard that before coming from one of you TROLLGOONS
Spudd Webb
April 11th, 2012
4:34 pm
Oh by the way…we should have went for Ned Yost, not Fredi Gonzalez…
DawginLex
April 11th, 2012
4:34 pm
Agreed Spudd
The Detroit Pistons absolutely played the Hawks like a fiddle by waving some extra money toward Koncak. Instead of letting him go and then getting a real player, the Hawks were worried he would make them better.
Still confused about that logic.
Buckeye
April 11th, 2012
4:40 pm
Say what you will about Clarettt and Schlichter, but Woody is on the Mt. Rushmore of college football. How many US Presidents spoke at your dead coach’ds funerals?
Buckeye
April 11th, 2012
4:41 pm
Laced brownies and lifting hash browns – now that’s stupid!
pete babcock
April 11th, 2012
4:42 pm
Dont forget we lost the Thrashers, not that anyone seems to care
Ardante
April 11th, 2012
4:45 pm
No so fast, didn’t we just lose our hockey team no so long ago.
Go Bucks!!
April 11th, 2012
4:46 pm
Herschel Talker – Shut your pie hole!
Snake doc
April 11th, 2012
4:47 pm
Red panty stupid?
EA
April 11th, 2012
4:47 pm
Stanley Cup Playoffs about to begin. Oh yeah, we lost our lousy team due to inept ownership. Let us not forget the Atlanta Spirit Group. Then again, maybe we should.