UGA versus LSU, as the mighty Munson might have called it

Could the Dogs hook just one more big fish for the Munster? (AJC photo by Joey Ivansco)

Could Georgia hook just one more big fish for the Munster? (AJC file)

Georgia plays top-ranked LSU on Saturday. Were the radio man Larry Munson, who died Nov. 20 at age 89, around to call the game, it might sound a bit like this:

Munson: “Get the picture: We’re wearing red jerseys and silver britches, going left to right on your radio dial. And we have NO CHANCE. They’ve got 12 guys who make Big Jonathan Jenkins look like Tom Thumb. And such SPEED. Even Vandy didn’t have speed like this …

“We kick off to them. Their guy runs right through 10 of our guys — look at that speed! — and gets all the way out to their 25. We have NO CHANCE. But Jarvis Jones breaks through and knocks the quarterback down! They have to punt! Whaddaya know about that? …

“Crowell in the ‘I’ and we give it to him and he goes five, TEN, FIFTEEN yards! He ran right through those monsters! Looked like that professor in ‘Jurassic Park’! And now Murray fakes it and throws it and … we catch it! Over their heads! MALCOLM MITCHELL! Touchdown! It’s a TOUCHDOWN! It’s a miracle! A miracle on … whaddaya call this street thingy outside the Dome? Northside? It’s a Miracle on NORTHSIDE DRIVE! Old Saint Nick just dropped through this roof and smacked LSU with a gunnysack full of coal, and Les Miles is standing there with a nose as  red as Rudolph’s!

“I gotta calm down before I destroy some Dome property. Loran, whaddaya  got?”

Loran Smith: “Larrah, the lovely Julie Moran sent me a note telling me she’d be watching from Hollywood and rooting for her Dogs … ”

Munson (interrupting): “We kick it off and their man has it. He runs through 15 of our guys and he’s gonna score and there goes our lead. He ran that kickoff back TWO HUNDRED YARDS.Have you seen SUCH SPEED? We have NO CHANCE.”

(We move to further action, as they used to do on Notre Dame replays.)

Munson: “Second quarter, tie game, and LSU’s acting like she wants to score. And we can’t stop anybody. We are so puny and so slow! How’d we ever get in this game, anyway? But now Jarvis Jones knocks down their quarterback again — four sacks for him, Hondo Williamson tells me — and they have to kick a field goal. And we’re down 10-7 and we’ve got NO CHANCE.”

(We skip ahead to the fourth quarter.)

Munson: Getting very, very late now, and we need a miracle. We need Lindsay and Herschel and Appleby all baked in one big APPLE PIE! They’re up three and they’re about to put us away and … JARVIS JONES knocks down the quarterback AGAIN! Six sacks for him! And they have to punt to us! Whaddaya think, Scott? Do we have a chance?

Scott Howard: “We might, Larry.”

Munson (snorting): “You young guys ALWAYS think there’s a chance. We don’t have enough TIME. But looky here! We give it to little Thomas and he knocks people backwards, and now Murray throws a screen to the tight end and … Orson Charles! ORSON CHARLES!!! RUN, ORSON!!! … And it’s a touchdown! IT’S A TOUCHDOWN!!! …  We throw a two-inch bomb and he takes it TWO THOUSAND YARDS! We just took a 2X4 and smacked Mike The Tiger right in his striped backside!!!

“But there’s TOO MUCH TIME. We can’t stop them again. We’ve got no SIZE, no SPEED. We shopped at the dime store and they went to Rich’s. And our guys are SO TIRED …

“BUT it’s fourth down! FOURTH DOWN with 61 seconds left! I might be asking too much, but: Guys, just ONE MORE TIME! HUNKER DOWN! HUNKER DOWN!!! And they snap it and … MY GOD! JARVIS JONES! JARVIS JONES!!! He got him AGAIN! It’s OUR BALL! All four legs just fell off my chair! And we’re in the victory formation and we’re under 10 seconds and …

“Sugar is falling out of the sky! NO! It’s little Chick-fil-A cows! On parachutes! They’re COWS DIPPED IN SUGAR! LOOK AT THOSE SUGAR-DIPPED COWS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY!!! …

“We had NO CHANCE! But we had Old Lady Luck! And Old Lady Luck just slapped Les Miles in the face with that APPLE PIE! And that pie had a ANVIL in it! We broke their NOSE! We broke their HEART! I broke my CHAIR! I spilled my COKE!

“We’re going to the SUGAR BOWL! Beignets and crawfish etouffee for New Year’s! We’re gonna paint Tchoupitoulas  Street red and black! Who’ll we play there, Scott?

“Houston, huh? Have you SEEN Houston’s quarterback? And all that SPEED? We’ll have NO CHANCE.”

By Mark Bradley

514 comments Add your comment

seezy

December 1st, 2011
1:53 pm

Paul

December 1st, 2011
1:56 pm

Very nice, Mr. Bradley.

MatthewH

December 1st, 2011
2:00 pm

I sure hope you don’t take any flack for this column. This is almost exactly what I think he would say. I love the image of taking that 2×4 and smacking the Tiger on his backside. I swear there were times when I could hear his voice as I was reading.
Good work.

missouridawg

December 1st, 2011
2:00 pm

classy. you hit a home run.

DawginLex

December 1st, 2011
2:00 pm

“In the end, we had no business winning this game.”

Michael

December 1st, 2011
2:00 pm

You hob – nailed it Mark!

kevin

December 1st, 2011
2:01 pm

I must say Mark, it was a nice Munson impersonation. Thanks for that!

MarkKimsey

December 1st, 2011
2:01 pm

So good it brought tears Mr. Bradley. Classic…

sogadog

December 1st, 2011
2:01 pm

Love it. You have Munson pegged. Perhaps you should write his biography? ( seriously )

buckblue

December 1st, 2011
2:01 pm

You got this all wrong…..He would have said…..Thank Sweet Jesus that we did not play LSU during the regular season….cause if we did we would have got B-Slapped and USC would be playing for the chance to get punked as welllll

Geaux Tigers…..pulldogs…get ready

PreyDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:03 pm

GREAT FUN MARK!! Laughed out loud and had got a little tear in my eye too. Gonna print this one out and tack it to the cubicle wall. Thanks for this one!

DILLIGAF

December 1st, 2011
2:03 pm

Excellent job, Mr. Bradley!

That just put a huge smile on my face during an otherwise boring day at work.

R.I.P. Larry Munson.

Hunker Down You Hairy Gawgs!

UGA/85′
GATA!

Sam Robards, Dawg Fan

December 1st, 2011
2:04 pm

Very well done, Mr. Bradley.

I have to admit this piece made me smile from ear to ear.

Jimmy

December 1st, 2011
2:04 pm

Excellent rendition!

OkieDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:04 pm

I could hear Larry’s voice while I read the article….You, Mr. Bradley, are a genius.

RIP Larry and forever a DGD..

Mike the Tiger

December 1st, 2011
2:04 pm

No chance is right. I think those are chicken nuggets falling from the sky, not sugar. Tigers win by 40.

jaglaw

December 1st, 2011
2:05 pm

I dont know whether to smile, laugh, shake my head, say “great job” Mark, or say you have too much time on your hands, …….so I’ll just say all of the above. Very enjoyable piece that does Munson proud.

PreyDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:05 pm

buckblue, I know you guys in Louisiana can barely write, but this would be a good time for you to go away. See if you can find your own blog. It will probably have lots of pictures and maybe some crayons you can play with.

Chuck Dowdle

December 1st, 2011
2:06 pm

Will Georgia pull another black out stunt??? LSU is gonna hit Dawgs in the mouth and beat em up. Crowell will take himself out of the game by 2nd Qtr. Dawg fans will leave early as usual when getting beat badly – say 3rd Qtr. It’s well known in the SEC that Georgia has the most obnoxious fans when their team starts to play well. Saturday night they get a dose of reality.

Michael

December 1st, 2011
2:08 pm

That’s certain to help you shed the “Bark Madley” label…

Joey

December 1st, 2011
2:08 pm

Great job! Brought tears to my eyes. RIP Larry. GO DAWGS!!! Leave it all on the field. GATA!!!!

BobDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:08 pm

Mark, Munson is fishing and smiling right now. Ditto, you hit it out of the park.

UGA Insider

December 1st, 2011
2:08 pm

I remember Julie and I know here family from the Thomasville area. Good folks.

Mark,

I just got a call from a source that says 1, possibly 2 RB’s are suspended for the game. Is there anyway this is true?

Mark Bradley

December 1st, 2011
2:08 pm

There’s no question I have too much time on my hands.

But thanks for the kind words, folks. I’m in your debt.

harold

December 1st, 2011
2:09 pm

LARRY: “MY GOD THESE LSU TIGERS ARE NFL LIKE! THEY ARE JUST SHOVING US ALL OVER THE FIELD ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BALL. THEY ARE RIPPING OUR HEADS OFF AND DOMINATING THE DAWGS.

WE ARE GETTING ABUSED BY THESE SNARLING TIGERS.

Class of '98

December 1st, 2011
2:09 pm

From your laptop to God’s ears, Bradley. I too could hear Larry’s voice reading that. Go dawgs.

Dirty Dawg

December 1st, 2011
2:09 pm

Thanks Mark, we needed that….

PreyDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:10 pm

cows dipped in sugar was one of the best lines. I think we have a new tailgate food here. Gotta see if the wife can make these. If I talk her into it I am going to send Bradley some. Just read it again. I think the last paragraph is the best. That is EXACTLY what Larry would have done.

By the way, I published a Munson article of my own. But Marks is more fun and way more fitting for this week.

http://athens.patch.com/articles/good-bye-to-munson-and-much-much-more

D-Dubb

December 1st, 2011
2:10 pm

I found myself reading it with that Munson gravel voice! Very nice job Bradley

UGA Insider

December 1st, 2011
2:11 pm

By the way, All Tech fans can kiss my arse after you booed our band while playing the Munson tribute. By the way, I was on the sidelines and our players heard it and after that we hit you even harder than before. Your fans gave us more motivation that CPJ did.

PreyDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:11 pm

Once before a Tennessee game I will never forget, Larry goes, “Folks, I have called these games for over thirty years, and I am here to tell you that these Tennessee linemen have got the biggest fannies in the history of football. How on earth are we going to block guys with fannies this big?”

Spanish Speaking Sicilian

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

MB,

You sir, are a scholar AND a gentleman

DC

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

haha uga isn’t going to CFA bowl if they lose…they will get better bowl than that..prolly cotton or outback depending if capital one bowl wants to have them first..

LSU isn’t winning by 40..prolly 14 though..

GA Walt

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

Great job, sir! Enjoyed it very much!

mike28212

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

fantastic job Mark as usual. Gave me chills. Hopefully, old lady luck will be on our side come Saturday.

MDAWG24

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

Agree with “jaglaw” – nicely done MB. We will never forget Larry, go Dawgs!

TheItalianDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

Very funny and well done! Go dawgs

Jarvis Jones

December 1st, 2011
2:12 pm

I’m gonna get a sack on every play! Yay me! How come when I say we’re as good or better than LSU’s defense, their players agree with me? Is this a trap?

Wofford T-Dawg

December 1st, 2011
2:13 pm

Bradley – your absolute very best work! Impressive and Munson would be proud!

Steve

December 1st, 2011
2:13 pm

another good one MB

Frank Lane

December 1st, 2011
2:13 pm

This is so good Mark. I just posted to my Facebook. Great job. Gave me chills just reading your interpretation of Munson.

reebok

December 1st, 2011
2:14 pm

tech fan here, and Mark, this is HILARIOUS! you’ve got Munson down cold!

Dawg77

December 1st, 2011
2:14 pm

Hilarious! I can hear Mr. Munson speaking now…..thank you Mark.

LakeDawg

December 1st, 2011
2:14 pm

Douglas Dawg

December 1st, 2011
2:15 pm

Well done Mark!

I would give anything to hear Munson make one more call for us….

Joe

December 1st, 2011
2:16 pm

Mark- Thanks! This is a classic…I too, could hear his voice…….

Gary

December 1st, 2011
2:16 pm

Kudos, MB. I read it in my best Larry Munson voice (all inside my head, didn’t want to scare my co-workers) and it felt like the old days. Damn funny too! You nailed it.

Fridawg

December 1st, 2011
2:16 pm

I was right in the spirit of Larry until the sugar-dipped cow line. Thanks for a fun article!

Remarkable

December 1st, 2011
2:17 pm

Mark, If you can get the voice down pat, you have found yourself a second career. This was GREAT! I just hope it all comes together exactly like you wrote it. We DO have a chance.

Tech Fan David

December 1st, 2011
2:17 pm

From a long-time Tech fan. This was beautiful Mark! I could hear Dear Ol’ Larry’s voice in every line. Hope the Dogs can pull it off! I’ll be rooting for them.