Live via TV: Cam Newton and Auburn take on the … Ants?

So there I was, shoveling snow and ice off the driveway at stately Brad Manor, and a neighbor walks by with his dog. He says, “Why aren’t you in Phoenix?”

And I, suffering the effects of hypothermia, say, “What’s in Phoenix?”

And he says, “The national championship game.”

I felt slightly silly. (Mostly, though, I just felt cold.) But now, having been briefed by my neighbor, I’m ready to go. We’re going live here, and I’m picking Auburn, and I don’t think the game will be as high-scoring as advertised — few games ever are; remember the Saints beating the Falcons 17-14 two Mondays ago? — and my genius daughter (who takes, obviously, after her mother) has supplied the only reason necessary to root against Auburn.

“Their uniforms,” she said, “look like Army ants.”

And they do. And they’re funded by Nike. And Nike owns the world. As many reservations as I have regarding the Auburn Newtons/Louders, they’re small potatoes — obligatory Auburn agricultural joke — when viewed alongside the megalomaniac Phil Knight. (Who once attended the same Easter Mass as I did at a Final Four. But I digress.)

Here’s my score: The Army of Cam 31, the Army Ants 24. And that would make it five BCS titles in succession won by SEC schools, Georgia not among them. (Obligatory Mark Richt dig.)

And with that, we’re ready to roll. Blog’s open. Time for us to think sunny thoughts about Phoenix (actually Glendale) and watch us some football. I’d be obliged if y’all gather close for warmth. (Although Sonny Clusters should keep a safe distance. I hear he uses venison for body wash.)

By Mark Bradley

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