A robotic Uga as programmed by mad scientists at Tech
Deep within the catacombs of the Arthur B. Edge Center on the campus of the Georgia Institute of Technology, a team of scientists works feverishly on an endeavor so secret its code name — Operation ‘Droid Dawg– cannot be breathed under pain of banishment from the breakfast table at the Silver Skillet diner. It has taken decades for the project to reach this critical stage, and there were times when its originator believed it would never move beyond the blackboard.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” says the scientist in question, Prof. George P. Burdell, “we are but months from sweet fruition. We have the financing. We have the political leverage. What we need now are the devious touches that will make our animatronic bulldog the most effective faux animal weapon since the Trojan horse.”
“What if,” offers Simon Bar Sinister, doctor of robotics, “we program it to do everything a normal mascot would do, right up until the point he runs on the field and sees Lane Kiffin. And then, via remote control, we command him to turn that sweater inside out so he’s wearing not red but orange.”
“Good one, Bar Sinister,” Burdell says. “Anything else?”
“Here’s something.” This from Dr. Jack Stapleton, long the go-to guy when it comes to training dogs for nefarious purposes. (Google his name.) “We make it so our creation charges out of the tunnel in Jacksonville, and when he reaches midfield he stops, raises up on his hind legs and does the Gator Chomp with his front paws.”
Burdell nods. “I especially like that,” he says. “But we need something truly devious for the game two days after Thanksgiving.”
“I believe I have it,” says Velma Dinkley, a veterinarian who drives a peculiar flowered van. “Our side leads by four points. Aaron Murray throws long. A.J. Green catches the ball and breaks away for what seems the winning score. And my associate Shaggy whispers in Uga 8.0’s ear, ‘Go get him.’ Our creation dashes onto the turf and drags down Green at the 2-yard-line as time expires. Georgia Tech wins. We are triumphant.”
“Splendid, Dr. Dinkley,” Burdell says. “Simply splendid. And with that, we’re ready for the prototyping. Any questions?”
“Just one,” Bar Sinister pipes up. “Tell me again how we got PETA to propose this notion of having a robot mascot to the folks at UGA in the first place.”
Burdell: “I just thought of the stupidest thing I could imagine, and PETA said, ‘That’s a great idea.’ And their shrill lobbyists went to work, and finally Michael Adams said to Damon Evans, ‘Do whatever it takes, but make these loons go away.’
“And now we’re adjourned. Chili dogs — let PETA protest that! – at The Varsity on me!”
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429 comments Add your comment
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:49 pm
willie – Manacle is close. I believe there are some of those in the UGA sports collection
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:52 pm
my defense at times did wrankle
the fans a were a bit the crankle
said damon to me
if i were thee
i’d bend over and grab an ankle
Coffee Bluff DAWG
November 24th, 2009
8:52 pm
UGA 79 UNC-A 58
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
8:55 pm
I can see it now. The game is on the line. UGA leads by 24-20 but Tech is on the UGA three yard down, fourth and goal with only 33 seconds left. The Tech offense lines up. PJ calls his last time out and Nesbitt runs over to confer.
Suddenly Uga the robot dog runs over to the UGA coaches. He stops and in a metallic voice screams. “DANGER, DANGER WILLIE MARTINEZ. DANGER!”
In the stands Dr. “Pulpwood” Smith starts screaming like a little girl.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:55 pm
there once was a guy named damon
who said lets get the game on
if willie gets burned
it’ll be his turn
to be toast with some egg on
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:55 pm
willie – You’ve heard the old saying,”It never pays to starch a wrinkle.” No? Let me think of something else…
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:58 pm
del, thats a new one on me.
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:01 pm
There once was a head coach named Paul
whose offense liked to run with the ball
Though Willie thought he had game
his defense was lame
And on his sword he soon was to fall.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
9:02 pm
The first car I bought was a 1963 karmann ghia. Me and You and a Dog Named Boo was playing on the radio.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:03 pm
willie – I’ve just started a new hobby. Making up 18th century English sayings. Trying to confuse Cuz.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:04 pm
cuz, thats pretty good. not willie good, but pretty good.
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:04 pm
Guv’ner, you may have to woggle the pog there.
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:05 pm
hey I’ve done two, don’t put the pressure on me.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:06 pm
del, as churchill said, we shall not flag nor fail, we shall fight in the landing fields and the streets.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:07 pm
45ACP – I saw a nice red ghia convertible a month or so ago. I had a ‘67 Beetle back in the late ’70s. I put on new pistons and cylinders from Brazil in the driveway. I’d jack it up on blocks and slide the engine down a board on my chest.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:08 pm
let us now brace ourselves, if the uga nation should last for a thousand years, men will say “this was their finest hour”
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:08 pm
willie, give that Churchill speech at halftime.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:10 pm
Willie – like I said, I prefer the 18th century. Less google stuff available, easier to get away with. You do remember the Battle of Amaranth, do you not?
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
9:10 pm
I still hear that Bill Curry is waiting for Mark Richt to come up with the $100 bucks to play Ga. State Next year. Is this true of can’t Coach Richt spare the Bil money?
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:10 pm
the heart of the question is, are all georgians to have to put up with tech? we are confronted with a moral issue: a land grant university against a trade school. armageddon, nothing less.
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
9:11 pm
BAIL sorry I need to start dring and maybe I can type beertrz.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:12 pm
cuz, that speech is already in the funk and wagnalls mayonnaise jar. just waiting to use it
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
9:12 pm
The UGA teams needs to hear Dante’s 7 rings of Hell and the sins that accompany them.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:13 pm
“Let us never mince the words of our forefathers, else we may find ouselves for nevermore.” – Helstone Wolmes
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
9:13 pm
The Dawgs went to Bobby Dodd
Upon the ground they did trod
A game they did play
The defense did not sway
And winners they were that day
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:15 pm
45, that’s brilliant!!! all i would change is “winners they came away”
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:15 pm
The plain of Meggido hath never experienced the wrath of these dogs and bees.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
9:16 pm
REV: B
The Dawgs went to Bobby Dodd
Upon the ground they did trod
A game they did play
The defense did not sway
And winners they came away
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:18 pm
Pre-game speech delivered by Rene Curran
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.
For he today who sheds his blood with me
shall be my brother
Be he ne-er so vile
This day shall gentle his condition
And gentlemen in Georgia now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed
and hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks
that fought with us on Grant Field today
A robotic Uga, as programmed by the mad scientists at Tech | Mark … | Drakz News Station
November 24th, 2009
9:18 pm
[...] original post here: A robotic Uga, as programmed by the mad scientists at Tech | Mark … Share and [...]
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:19 pm
45ACP – Rev B is better. Except for the Dawgs part.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:19 pm
said willie: my defense is great
but probably too late
to save my job
i’m gonna sob
its just a twist of fate
Future Beat Writer/Columnist
November 24th, 2009
9:19 pm
(Metallica plays in the background). To Mark Bradley and the blog…
Richt Must Choose:
A 6-5 season ain’t sittin’ well in Athens, GA. Especially, when the Dawgs have been tremendously slaughtered by their most hated rivals (45-19 Tennessee,
41-17 Florida, and 45-42 Tech in 2008). Something must change between the hedges. A once proud and dominant Bulldog defense has become one of the weakest units in college football. It’s time for Mark Richt to make a very difficult decision. Either Willie Martinez must go, or CMR must go along with him. Although Richt built a very impressive resume’ during his first 8 years on the job, his program is rapidly decaying.
There are many problems with this year’s squad, but the weakest link over the last few seasons is on the defensive side of the ball. I’m not sayin’ there ain’t play makers over there. There are. And that is the source of extreme frustration for Georgia fans all over the country. You could possibly see 3 Georgia DTs selected on the first day of the NFL draft. If ILB Rennie Curran skips his senior season, he could be one of 4 UGA defenders selected highly by the NFL.
What am I trying to say? There ain’t no talent issue in Athens. It’s all about coaching, or lack thereof. Under the tutelage of Willie Martinez, Georgia’s defense has done nothing, but freakishly diminish year after year after sorry azz defensive year. It’s time for Richt to make a decision. Martinez must go, or he must kick rocks as well. As a proud fan of the Georgia Bulldogs, it’s a sad day when I have to write an article such as this. But, Georgia fans don’t wanna see any more of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDgilYwh-ww
Do the right thing, Richt. Get a real DC or get the (censored text) outta town!
Go Dawgs!!
Ph.D. of Pigskinology
November 24th, 2009
9:20 pm
willie…a great Churchill line…”up with this I will not put”…
Mike Lester did NOT invent Buzz
November 24th, 2009
9:20 pm
Ok I know this is trivia but here it goes:
The original inventer of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket mascot was Judi McNair who, according to the Winter 2004 edition of the Georgia Tech Alumni Association Tech Topics magazine, donned a homemade yellowjacket costume in 1972 and performed at home football games. She rode on the Ramblin’ Wreck and appears in the 1972 Georgia Tech Blueprint yearbook. McNair’s mascot was considered a great idea, as it was a big hit with the fans.
In 1979, McNair’s idea for a Yellow Jacket was reintroduced by another Georgia Tech student, Richie Bland.(Currently a radiation oncologist) Bland, who was apparently unaware of McNair’s prior initiative, paid $1,400 to have a local theme park costume designer make a yellow jacket costume that he first wore at a pep rally prior to the Tennessee football game. Rather than obtain permission from Georgia Tech as Judi had done in 1972, this student, a few weeks later simply snuck onto the field in costume during a football game and ran across the field. The fans naturally believed that this costumed character was acting as an official member of the cheerleading squad and responded accordingly. By 1980 this new incarnation of the yellow jacket mascot was given the name Buzz Bee and was adopted as an official mascot by Georgia Tech. This new Buzz character would be the model for a new Georgia Tech emblem, designed in 1985 by Mike Lester.
So, Lester designed the emblem based on the already invented mascot. As Paul Harvey used to say “now you know the rest of the story”
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:21 pm
Cuz – Shakespeare?
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
9:23 pm
Of course. Henry V. The Saint Crispins Day speech. You cannot read it without getting fired up.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:24 pm
even better:
Almighty God, our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endevor.
a struggle to preserve our replubic,
our religion, our civilization,
and to set free a suffering humanity.
they will be sore tried by night and by day until the victory is won.
players souls will be shaken by the violences of war.
sucess may not come with rushing speed,
but we shall return again, and again.
and we know, that by Thy Grace,
and by the righteousness of our cause
UGA our players will win.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:26 pm
Cuz- Fantastic! I remembered something, almost. I went to Stratford-upon-Avon a few times. Next to the back garden of Shakespeare’s house was an Esso station. I took a picture of that strange juxtaposition.
instate
November 24th, 2009
9:27 pm
the latest on this subject:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8GuH9oDHrU
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:27 pm
guess the filter got stodgy
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:30 pm
Pregame speech: “Should we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or by opposing, end them?”
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
9:31 pm
Y’all need to speak southern so the rest of us can keep up.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:34 pm
Translation: “All hell’s gonna break loose, are we just going to stand there?” “If you do, you better bring your own bodkin.”
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:35 pm
future beat writer to rap:
what are you sayin
my defense is cayin
it aint my fault
keep it in the vault
thats just ole willie’s sayin
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:36 pm
Mike, like, really who cares?
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
9:37 pm
I forgot the whole “nobler in the mind part.” It’s been quite a few years…
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
9:38 pm
all right
to all a good night
and that’s the way it is
mark bradley,
ajc,
goodnight
Sowega
November 24th, 2009
9:39 pm
Personally, I’d like to see the new Uga be from a breed of real, useful bulldogs–either an American Bulldog or a Pit. English are about as tough as Yorkies–all show.
But truthfully, as a Georgia Alum, it pains me to note that none of these bulldogs can successfully catch a grown gator. Gators love to eat dogs. Sad but true.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
9:40 pm
I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.