A robotic Uga as programmed by mad scientists at Tech
Deep within the catacombs of the Arthur B. Edge Center on the campus of the Georgia Institute of Technology, a team of scientists works feverishly on an endeavor so secret its code name — Operation ‘Droid Dawg– cannot be breathed under pain of banishment from the breakfast table at the Silver Skillet diner. It has taken decades for the project to reach this critical stage, and there were times when its originator believed it would never move beyond the blackboard.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” says the scientist in question, Prof. George P. Burdell, “we are but months from sweet fruition. We have the financing. We have the political leverage. What we need now are the devious touches that will make our animatronic bulldog the most effective faux animal weapon since the Trojan horse.”
“What if,” offers Simon Bar Sinister, doctor of robotics, “we program it to do everything a normal mascot would do, right up until the point he runs on the field and sees Lane Kiffin. And then, via remote control, we command him to turn that sweater inside out so he’s wearing not red but orange.”
“Good one, Bar Sinister,” Burdell says. “Anything else?”
“Here’s something.” This from Dr. Jack Stapleton, long the go-to guy when it comes to training dogs for nefarious purposes. (Google his name.) “We make it so our creation charges out of the tunnel in Jacksonville, and when he reaches midfield he stops, raises up on his hind legs and does the Gator Chomp with his front paws.”
Burdell nods. “I especially like that,” he says. “But we need something truly devious for the game two days after Thanksgiving.”
“I believe I have it,” says Velma Dinkley, a veterinarian who drives a peculiar flowered van. “Our side leads by four points. Aaron Murray throws long. A.J. Green catches the ball and breaks away for what seems the winning score. And my associate Shaggy whispers in Uga 8.0’s ear, ‘Go get him.’ Our creation dashes onto the turf and drags down Green at the 2-yard-line as time expires. Georgia Tech wins. We are triumphant.”
“Splendid, Dr. Dinkley,” Burdell says. “Simply splendid. And with that, we’re ready for the prototyping. Any questions?”
“Just one,” Bar Sinister pipes up. “Tell me again how we got PETA to propose this notion of having a robot mascot to the folks at UGA in the first place.”
Burdell: “I just thought of the stupidest thing I could imagine, and PETA said, ‘That’s a great idea.’ And their shrill lobbyists went to work, and finally Michael Adams said to Damon Evans, ‘Do whatever it takes, but make these loons go away.’
“And now we’re adjourned. Chili dogs — let PETA protest that! – at The Varsity on me!”
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429 comments Add your comment
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
8:15 pm
optimist
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
8:15 pm
1st on 3
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:15 pm
cuz, we go thru a lot of preparation h in this house.
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
8:16 pm
CUZ I do give BILL KING hell and that is why he cut me off. I cna live with that. He did right a nice pick on Baylie and yours visit to the game. I am so sorry that the only thing I wanted to see didn’t happen. I really wanted to see UGA VII sitting in Baylies lap giving her a BIG DAWG LICK. Gald y’all had fun and were safe going home late.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
8:16 pm
whatever 3, 4
What was the counting of the Holy Handgranade?
Bob Horner stayed hurt
November 24th, 2009
8:17 pm
Cuz….thanks for the chuckle….you crack me up..!!!
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:17 pm
uga, yes. i have multiple personalities. willie martinez, mark bradley, the shah of iran.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:18 pm
folks, i have a REAL confession to make. my name is ray goff
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
8:20 pm
Sorry CUZ not drinking just typing fast. Bill did do a right nice blog and picture of your and Baylie’s visit to the game. I still want the phone # of the EX-WIFE to the far right of Baylie in the original photo. I will take here off your Alie Money list. HAHAHAHAHA
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:20 pm
I just saw Mark Bradley at the Varsity sucking on a FO with Coach Johnson. What’s up with that?
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:20 pm
45ACP – I had a great time over there. Except, my landlord kept the heat set at about 44 degrees in the winter. I kept a thermometer on the nightstand and I’d wake up a few times to make sure I wasn’t going to freeze.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:21 pm
uga, i am NOT at the varsity.
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:21 pm
If you think drinking and typing is hard, try eating a bowl of soup while typing.
old hooker
November 24th, 2009
8:21 pm
PETA wants me to quit fishing…and I catch and release.
I won’t be fishing Sat night.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
8:22 pm
willie – you and Ray do act alike. Both very animated on the sidelines.
I can believe that.
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:22 pm
Willie/Mark/Ray/Shah,
Would you believe…..the Varsity Junior?
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:23 pm
just got a divorce from my wife
i guess thats part of life
nothing like support
to improve the report
or keep me out of jail for life
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:24 pm
Nobody can animate quite like willie. I love the windmilling. I’m hoping to see cartwheeling at the Tech game.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:24 pm
nah, uga. big willie’s right here.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:25 pm
del, if you see me and cmr kiss, you’ll know we’re in bliss. willie
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:26 pm
I think Willie gave UGA VII his heart attack. All that excitement and those dissapointments……..
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:26 pm
Ol’ Ray G. was out checking for palmer amaranth in the cotton field today. He lives about a mile from my uncle.
45ACP
November 24th, 2009
8:27 pm
Delbert – Willie cracks me up with the windmilling antics.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:28 pm
i once thought i was sage
got people to turn the page
turns out i was wrong
just an off key song
now i’m garnishing bradley’s wage
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:29 pm
del, i hope ray didnt steal the weavil traps and think they were tiki lamps
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:29 pm
palmer amaranth the weed? I knew he smoked something.
Pi$$onaDawg
November 24th, 2009
8:29 pm
It is too fun to be on here. The UGA fans and some of the Tech fans make it fun. The Tech blog is to stright and read to get mean at the first sign of a bad word. People like CUZ and 45 make it fun to talk CRAP and jus realize WE (theBloggers) are not putting on the pads and playing. It is just fun to chat and discuss the game and the games aftermath. Keep it fun and real. I will still talk crap after the game win or lose. Headed to get some dinner be back later.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:30 pm
weevil
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:31 pm
no, palmer amaranth is pigweed.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:31 pm
45ACP – and we wonder why the DBs are confused…
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:33 pm
del, you have to remember i was a biology major. x’s and o’s and all that genetic stuff.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:34 pm
Palmer Amaranth is the the new character on “Desperate Houswives” starting in January. They needed to add somebody with a tough emotional presence.
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:35 pm
I knew it was pigweed.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:35 pm
What Tech blog? I didn’t know there is a Tech blog!
lawyer joke
November 24th, 2009
8:36 pm
If willie were arrested for impersonating a “D” coordinator, would there be enough evidence to convict him?
Barnaby
November 24th, 2009
8:36 pm
But how will they make the droid dawg as ugly and stupid as Uga? And will it have droid fleas?
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:37 pm
He would be heavily penalized, like his defense.
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:38 pm
lawyer joke- if “D” is a grade, yes.
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:38 pm
Tech coeds already have droid fleas…….everyone knows that (duh).
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:39 pm
Barnaby – have you seen the Japanese guy who did a droid of himself. It’s really creepy.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:40 pm
then uga, why did you ask
Delbert D.
November 24th, 2009
8:41 pm
willie – big tip here: stand beside Bay-Bay Thomas on the sideline and windmill every chance you get.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:41 pm
del, palmer is actually the newest girl on the sidelines
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:42 pm
Willie,
Just trying to be stupid, I mean cute.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:42 pm
del, dont knock the windmill till you’ve tried it. think about it, willie
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:43 pm
uga, you succeeded.
Cuz
November 24th, 2009
8:44 pm
Me and you and a robot named Boo…..
Nah, it does not work for me.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:44 pm
barnaby, an oldie but goodie: come on dogs, scratch ‘em like fleas, go to hell, you georgia tech bees. best, willie
UGArobbie the Robot Dog
November 24th, 2009
8:47 pm
It’s nice to be cute Willie.
willie martinez
November 24th, 2009
8:48 pm
does anything rhyme with ankle?