5 ways UGA (and Mrs. Dooley) can sack the mighty Gators
Tim Tebow reacts adversely to being dumped for a safety by Mrs. Dooley.
1. In the attempt to show the world there’s no SEC bias toward Florida, Mike Slive deputizes a completely unbiased septet of refs: Vince Dooley, Barbara Dooley, Don Leebern, Sonny Seiler, Loran Smith, Chuck Dowdle and Bill King. (Replay official: Some guy named Munson.) The Gators are called for 77 penalties. Georgia wins 2-0 when Barbara Dooley sacks Tim Tebow in the end zone.
2. Herschel Walker realizes he left one year of eligibility on the table, and Michael Adams, in his new capacity as president of the NCAA, hastily grants the appeal for reinstatement. And Herschel, at age 46, does what he has already done three times — beat the hated Gators essentially by himself. Then he rides off into the sunset to become an FBI agent.
3. With the Gators leading 16-10, Florida readies for the clinching field goal. Urban Meyer gets so carried away with his timeouts that he calls all three to ice his own kicker. Georgia blocks the resulting try and returns it for the winning touchdown.
4. The aforementioned Tebow performs the Gator Chomp so emphatically after a 2-yard gain that he separates both shoulders. His passing numbers plummet. He is intercepted 12 times, 10 of them being returned for touchdowns. Georgia wins 77-76.
5. Willie Martinez takes another furlough day.
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166 comments Add your comment
TN Jeff
October 29th, 2009
8:47 am
That about covers it – best option is still #5
XXXVII
October 29th, 2009
8:49 am
1st!
I think the 4th option is most likely.
UGASlobberknocker
October 29th, 2009
8:49 am
Go ahead and kick the Dawgs while they are down. I still think we have a chance..but despite that I have #6:
5-Tell the Dawg players that the Florida endzone is actually the DMV..then for sure no players will enter there.
Michael Stipe
October 29th, 2009
8:51 am
I fart on all things gaytor.
Nativebird
October 29th, 2009
8:54 am
Actually, all 5 combined might, repeat might, result in a Dawg(doodoo) win.
Starring Henry Wilcoxon as Bishop Pickering
October 29th, 2009
8:55 am
Which of the six would be the referee?
Corrine Brown
October 29th, 2009
8:57 am
Who’s writing your material,Cynthia Tucker?
Tim Teblows
October 29th, 2009
8:59 am
All of these options are good (and funny), but I’d have to go with # 4. Teblows gets so pumped up after every 1 yard gain and draws a ton of attention to himself. Does he ever get flaged? Umm.. No. Maybe because the refs think he is the reincarnation of Jesus himself.
No matter what happens Saturday, Please Dogs, Don’t let him break Herschel’s record! Put 11 guys in the box and leave the receivers wide open, but don’t let him run one in!
ARdawg
October 29th, 2009
9:00 am
Bradley
Ferchristsakes man, how much do they pay you to write this tripe? It’s too damn much
GeoffDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:01 am
I think number five actually has merit. I wonder what we can do to get Martinez on the no fly list?
GeoffDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:04 am
#6 – Hold a jort going out of buisness sale at gametime. Gators forfeit.
O'Brien
October 29th, 2009
9:09 am
Good stuff Mark
SimpleDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:11 am
Mindless drivel…..
EW
October 29th, 2009
9:15 am
MB, One can only hope…
Mitch
October 29th, 2009
9:15 am
# 5 Sounds great to me.
Make Willie “soft zone” M. take that furlough out of Athens for about 5 years and at another school.
Mark Bradley is a Genius
October 29th, 2009
9:17 am
I want the last 30 seconds of my life back
EW
October 29th, 2009
9:19 am
#2 Can’t happen for two reasons:
1. It would void Herschel’s MMA Contract.
2. Because of the MMA status, Herschel may go the way of LeGarrette Blount and drop Tebow after the game.
On second thought…
HonestLawyer
October 29th, 2009
9:21 am
In 1980, Herschel had some significant help from Lindsay Scott!!! Lindsay Scott!!! Lindsay Scott!!!
Dawg Fud
October 29th, 2009
9:21 am
GeoffDawg, the jorts joke has been beaten to death but I still laughed at your post.
1eyedJack
October 29th, 2009
9:24 am
How about 5 ways the AJC can sack Mark Bradley?
steverino
October 29th, 2009
9:24 am
ummmm….Michael Stipe IS gay
Mike Litoris
October 29th, 2009
9:27 am
Let Murray start.
Brooks
October 29th, 2009
9:31 am
Bradley, What happened to you saying that Georgia was going to have a great chance of winning Saturday and had the Gators where they wanted them. Then you come on here and write a bunch of silly BS that is just making fun more than anything. How about writing something that is positive instead of ridiculous. If the Dawgs do win on Saturday there are going to be alot of “writers” changing their stories. Go find your buddy Schultz and laugh it up. I wish I got paid to produce garbage like this. Writing this was a waste of your life.
GO DAWGS!
Skipper
October 29th, 2009
9:34 am
Jorts 49, Mutts 10.
Fashion sense: Helping Georgia win football games until 1989.
Pi$$onaDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:37 am
Slobber that was too TRUE. I have never heard of a team having so many players that don’t have a Drivers License that like to drive around campus.
Call it Like It Is
October 29th, 2009
9:40 am
Hey Tim Teblows,
Suck it up as your boy Pollack used to do the samething without a penalty.
BTW, Tebow = Class and is the best college football player to ever play the game!
Gators roll big.
Enough Said!
Kim Z's Package
October 29th, 2009
9:41 am
Mr. Stipe when you fart you leave tracks. We all know you blew out that seal long ago in the Other Clubs.
Cuz
October 29th, 2009
9:43 am
I’ll take option number two. I have more confidence in Herschel at 46 than I do with our teenage or 20 year old running backs. Besides Herschel would get four more rushing touchdowns and tick off Urban Meyer because Tim would not get the SEC rushing touchdown record against the despised Dawgs.
Doug
October 29th, 2009
9:43 am
Very funny Jerk! hate is to kind of a word for you……you are sewage!
Mark Bradley
October 29th, 2009
9:44 am
Does anybody have any nude pictures of Tim Tebow they could mail me??
AceDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:45 am
Hey Slick Willy, If Bobo wants to be down on the field instead of the press box, maybe YOU should go up there to better see why your defensive schemes are so pathetic.
Anyway, Go Dawgs!
Mark Bradley
October 29th, 2009
9:46 am
Sometimes I just sit at my desk and think about Vince & Barbara naked.
Darth Urinator
October 29th, 2009
9:46 am
5 ADDITIONAL ways UGA (and Mrs. Dooley) can sack the mighty Gators
5. Give the Gator players STDs ( You know….. ON THE DOWN LOW.)
4. Spike the Florida Gatorade bucket with Ecstasy.
3. Frame Florida players for an illegal dogfighting ring and gambling operation white English Bulldogs get “The Vick Treatment”
2. Have Willie Martinez call a press conference publicly profess he stole Tim Tebow’s virginity (or vice versa).
1. Give Mark Richt a testosterone augmentation, as that lad SURELY needs it.
SamInAtlanta
October 29th, 2009
9:47 am
Nice change of pace Mark. I think option #1 is the only way they can win, and even then It will be close
Pi$$onaDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:48 am
Doug why all the hate? UGA is going to have a chance to play the game and win, but with Willie I doubt the Dawgs will win. I hope the Dawgs do win. I want a good dawg coming to Atlanta.
TROTTINGHOMETUDD
October 29th, 2009
9:48 am
I think about Vince and Barbraa naked too Mark!!!!
Mark is obviously over worked since Bisher and Moore left. Here’s a case where oppurtunity didn’t help a lawyer.
GeoffDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:49 am
Call it Like It Is – The difference is that when David Pollack was playing, refs weren’t tossing flags for “calling attention to oneself” like candy at a parade. Call it or don’t. Just be consistent.
Mark Bradley
October 29th, 2009
9:49 am
…… and sometimes I think about me, Urban & Tim in a “three way”.
Ryno
October 29th, 2009
9:52 am
Mr. Schultz – In all honesty, do you see UGA covering? 15.5 is a mighty big number. Perhaps I should clam up and wait for your chalkboard predictions tomorrow!
brewdawg
October 29th, 2009
9:52 am
Here is the thing: during the heyday of the run under Mark Richt (2002-2005), UGA had the superior team at least 3 of the 4 years (and would have been 4 of 4 had Shockley played in 05). We went 1-3. The losses in ‘02 and ‘03 derailed possible national title runs. We owe them a season-screwer during a year they are clearly better than us.
Ted Striker
October 29th, 2009
9:53 am
Now that was one funny column!
Ryno
October 29th, 2009
9:53 am
Whoops! Of course I meant Mr. Bradley
Pi$$onaDawg
October 29th, 2009
9:55 am
GeoffDawg: you are correct sir. GT lost to Notre Dame at home a few years back because of a Personal Foul hit on Quinn on the sidelines giving ND a 1st doen to allow them to score 2 plays later. Then GT played VT and a Va Tech player did the samething a few weeks later and no FLAG. All I want is for the calls to be consistent from game to game.
GW
October 29th, 2009
9:55 am
1 furlough day ain’t enough.
Kim Z's Package
October 29th, 2009
9:59 am
UGA is 4-3 I don’t think Willie has any FURLOUGH Days left because he has taken most of the season’s Saturdays off already.
F-105 Thunderchief
October 29th, 2009
10:00 am
In other words, it’s impossible.
Serge
October 29th, 2009
10:02 am
I’m guessing 9:49 is another Mark Bradley.
AthensSG
October 29th, 2009
10:02 am
Mark, I was reading the Cox interview on the front page and he spoke about the game plan for UF. I started thinking that the game plan is hardly ever the problem with UGA. Remember the OSU game – the Dawgs drove the length of the field with ease to start the game. OSU adjusted their defense and the Dawgs never got another drive going the rest of the game. To put it simply, we just can’t adjust to adjustments. That’s why I give UGA no chance of winning this game. But I’ll watch every down, hoping for some miracle – a diarrhea bug in UF’s Gatorade or something… Short of that, Mark, is there any hope?
Hmmmmmmm
October 29th, 2009
10:03 am
How about some team discipline and accountability. Never mind, it shouldn’t matter if a player is jailed and posts bond. I mean, this shouldn’t effect his playing time. What was I thinking?
dtanner
October 29th, 2009
10:14 am
mark,i guess sometimes you run out of things to write and you have to come up with garbage like this
Bryan G.
October 29th, 2009
10:17 am
SO YOU’RE SAYIN’ THERE’S A CHANCE!!!
Pi$$onaDawg
October 29th, 2009
10:19 am
GEOFFDAWG: Why do you get your driving previlages suspended? Too many Tickets, DUI, or No Insurance. To answer your statment form another UGA Bradley Blog. Yes, it is time to kick kids off the team for this small driving offence. Again I ask WHY does V. Vance not have his License? It is because me made a lot of mistakes to have it taken away in the first place. Vamce took responsibility in the first place and continued to drive risking many people’s lives. What part of that is not a reason to kick his … of the team until he can MAN-UP?
Dumb and Dumber
October 29th, 2009
10:23 am
So you’re telling me there’s a chance? YEAHHHHHHH!
Gator bait
October 29th, 2009
10:23 am
The title should have read, 55 ways UGA will lose to the Gators.
betweenthehedges
October 29th, 2009
10:23 am
#6. urban cryer rips his jorts running down the sideline during kickoff, pulls a hammy, get carried out by a stretcher while giving the thumbs up to the crowd. team takes major blow due to lack of UNCLASSY coaching. lose 17-16.
EW
October 29th, 2009
10:25 am
Pi$$ Vance had a learner’s permit, but not a full license. Yes he still broke the law by running a light but he did not get a DUI, no insurance, or too many tickets. You are an uninformed moron.
Willie's Elephant
October 29th, 2009
10:25 am
Maybe Mark Richt can give Willie Martinez the wrong flight information, and he’ll miss the plane!!!
GeoffDawg
October 29th, 2009
10:25 am
Pisser – I have no idea why Vince Vance only had a learner’s permit and not a regular license. My best guess would be that he didn’t grow up with a lot of money and never had an opportunity to have his own car until recently. He’s been over 18 for several years now so if this was a case of multiple DUI or some other serious issue, than that would be a matter of public record and would likely be well publicized by now. That being said, it’s still my opinion that a misdemeanor traffic violation is not inordinately risking lives and does not merit expulsion from the team. That smacks of a zero tolerance policy which I’ve always thought was an intellectually lazy way to address problems.
GatorATL
October 29th, 2009
10:29 am
Mark–now that’s a cold article on the Dawgs!!
Martinez taking a furlough…good one
Glad I am a Gator!
Georgia Headlines – 10/29/09 | MrSEC.com
October 29th, 2009
10:29 am
[...] UGA faces on Saturday.6. Dawg linebackers will need to play big in Jacksonville.7. Here are five (tongue-in-check) ways for Georgia to beat Florida… and one of them includes a furlough day for defensive coordinator Willie Martinez. Brutal.8. The [...]
Dog Island Gator
October 29th, 2009
10:29 am
There are some sick and funny pups out there. Oh well. GO GATORS GO!
Nick
October 29th, 2009
10:33 am
Remind me when this is journalism? Are you kidding me?
joydawg
October 29th, 2009
10:34 am
#6 – In the fourth quarter, CMR pulls out his secret weapon and substitutes the Gymdogs for his offense. He realizes he has to do something jumpstart his running game and infuse his team with athletes who know how to win.
Ghost of 1985
October 29th, 2009
10:35 am
whoever thinks Georgia cant beat Florida has no clue about football or this game. clue to UF fans: football didnt begin in 1990
Georgia wins
CT
October 29th, 2009
10:42 am
This can’t be Bradley writing this. Did Schultz steal his password and write this for him?
Lance
October 29th, 2009
10:44 am
I think somehow they ought to be different catagories for all these records. It should be noted somewhere that when teblows breaks Walker’s record that he had 4 years to do it, when of course herschel left after year 3. They ought to be something that says most rushing yards, and TD’s in three seasons, because most players that are good enough is going for the money now. Anyway expect teblows to get a massive shot from someone on the defense that will change the whole game.
UGA 28 UF 21
Sid
October 29th, 2009
10:50 am
Screw the TD record. It has taken “Timmy Boy” almost 4 years to do what Herschel did in 3. Just beat the Gators !!
rhynster
October 29th, 2009
10:51 am
Urban’s been saving Tebow for this game so he can break Herschel’s record against UGA.
It will be over by halftime.
And UF will post another half hundred.
56-10
Lance
October 29th, 2009
10:58 am
Florida’s first drive of the game, they will go to the 2 yard line. 1st and goal the dawgs are so worried about him breaking that record, they gun for him, he throws his little jump pass for the TD. I bet he and myer are getting a kick out of planning this all out. If the dawgs have any heart at all they will stand up and whip them gaytors.
Preacha74
October 29th, 2009
10:59 am
Breaking News…Bill Goldberg just hit Cryer with a pile driver and broke his neck. Tebow is forced to call his own plays on Saturday…70 run plays gators still win. 72-0 Soft Willie countered with Nickel coverage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now tha't funny
October 29th, 2009
11:01 am
Excellant article. Ghosts of 1985; We are playing the number one team in the country, with perhaps the greatest college football player of all time. We have the worst DC in the conference, perhaps the south, maybe the nation.? The Gators are going to score 40 points on us. We are not going to score 40 on them. Maybe 10? We’re bad, they’re good, this is going to be ugly!!
M
October 29th, 2009
11:03 am
Pretty weak Mark – don’t quit that day job!
Preacha74
October 29th, 2009
11:03 am
Breaking News…Bill Goldberg just hit Cryer with a pile driver and broke his neck. Tebow is forced to call his own plays on Saturday…70 run plays gators still win. 72-0 Soft Willie countered with Nickel coverage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Otto
October 29th, 2009
11:10 am
Can Bobo go on the furlough day with CWM?
takedowndawg
October 29th, 2009
11:13 am
Mark, you must have tied one on last night or ingested some Kentucky “bluegrass” when one considers this as fun humor. The Willie on furlough, possibly, but the rest are comparable to a strange TARGET commercial! Everyone strikes out sometimes!!! This one stunk.
Whopper Dawg
October 29th, 2009
11:15 am
Van Gorder shows up and coaches the defense secretly from the press box which is now devoid of UGA coaches with Bobo currently “stalking” the sidelines. Martinez keeps the same hand signals as before, which essentially makes suggestions for dinner alternatives after the game. Van Gorder calls are signaled in by Herschel on the sidelines, who also cannot stand it anymore. UGA defense scores three times and holds FLA offense to 14. However, two of the directional kickoffs are returned for scores and UGA goes down 28 to 21. Herschel leads Bobo out of the stadium as he is blinded and burned by the afternoon sun.
This is viewed as a moral victory and Martinez signs a four year extension. Bobo successfully lobbies Richt for his return to the press box due to sun’s effect on his eyes and skin. Herschel realizes he has had enough and decides to spend the rest of his life fishing with Munson.
You heard it here first.
Yellow=Pee
October 29th, 2009
11:19 am
Tebow has a mangina.
Dawg
October 29th, 2009
11:20 am
Quick question… why does every other SEC team get penalized for “celebration” for doing absolutely nothing, but Tim Tebow can do the Gator chomp after every play and a flag is never thrown? That’s fair.
RxDawg
October 29th, 2009
11:21 am
lmao Bryan G.’s 10:17 post.
I believe.
“,…,”
Georgia is next
October 29th, 2009
11:25 am
Ha Ha, I like that Mark. Really though the only way the Dawgs win is if their defense holds them to under 20 points because I will make you a guarentee, Florida’s D won’t make many mistakes and will not surrender more than 20 points. 7 Games = 4 Touchdowns Allowed, 58 Points Surrendered……….by the defense.
NCDawg
October 29th, 2009
11:26 am
If Cox can throw the ball in FRONT of the receiver, we might have a chance.
UGA ALL THE WAY
October 29th, 2009
11:29 am
Whoever keeps acting like they are Mark Bradley: SHUT THE H3LL UP!!!!
snapshot
October 29th, 2009
11:30 am
I don’t think the Gators are all that mighty. Very overated! I see a good opportunity for the mutts to win a football game. I hope not but Florida is prime pickings. If georgie can’t beat them FSU will.
UGA ALL THE WAY
October 29th, 2009
11:32 am
If Cox can have a good day, ONE of our running backs decides to play hard n good and as usual A.J. does his thing… you damn right we gotta chance… h3ll they struggled with Arkansas and WE DIDNT!!!!!
DirtyDawg
October 29th, 2009
11:32 am
Brooks…lay off these guys. The last thing we want is for any of them to pick us to upset the lizards – by the way, if you haven’t seen the pic of LSU fans roasting a trussed-up, skinned, gator ( the other other white meat) over a bed of coals, it’s perfect. Leave it to our Louisiana friends to ‘make a statement’. Of course they didn’t win the game, but some were picking ‘em to. We’ll just have to knock Saint Timothy’s d**k off and hope to catch (sub) Urban mouthing a few ‘Oh my Gods’ on TV…then see what happens.
teddy
October 29th, 2009
11:35 am
ga is a 16 point dog. they aren’t going to win. why even write such a stupid article. especially when the refs are in the tank for fla.
Mark Bradley
October 29th, 2009
11:36 am
I’ve seen FSU score 44 points — and lose at home. I don’t think this is the year the ‘Noles take down Timmy T.
GaGator
October 29th, 2009
11:36 am
Hey, Ghost of 1985, you’re right, the Fla/GA series didn’t start in 1990, but it sure did end there
for the mutts. 3 out of 19 is embarrassing!
Its just football
October 29th, 2009
11:38 am
6. Mrs. Dooley points out that Tebow talks with a slight feminine lisp. After hearing this Tebow cries and fails to show up for kick off.
7. UGA storms the field after the game winning touchdown by their star running back King no, Samuel-no, Thomas-no, Ealey-no, Jackson-no, Mrs. Dooley Yes!.
8. After above violation, refs fail to call a penalty that would stir up the conspiracy theory of protecting undefeated SEC teams.
9. UGA beats FL by shutting down Florida 3 to 0. CWM is praised by ESPN and all news outlets for an incredible defensive plan. After seeing this, Bandwagon UGA fans drink themselves to death in gator bowl parking lot.
10. AJ Green has 4 impossible TDs catches by halftime. The CBS halftime show praises him for his skill and natural humble personality. Tebow then storms up and down the sideline screaming “I’m more humble than AJ” “I’m more humble than AJ”
11. Spikes groin problem gets worse after his continued weight gaining. He does not go to the NFL but starts modeling clothes for full figured women.
12. The 2009 GA- FL game becomes a classic and for years is called the “Curran-Demps Battle of the little people”.
Watchdog
October 29th, 2009
11:41 am
Vince Vance is an embarrasment to the Dawg Nation this week. He gets arrested and is not suspended? Anything to win I guess Coach Richt? I wonder who went to bail him out for $1,000? Richt, Bobo, Alumni? It’s okay though nobody is stopping that defense, Vance, Cox, or Green.
Lonesome Dove
October 29th, 2009
11:48 am
It’s Just Football: That was hilarious!!
Jeff G.
October 29th, 2009
11:50 am
With space filling drivel like this, its no wonder the AJC is losing subscribers by leaps and bounds.
South Carolina Dawg
October 29th, 2009
11:52 am
Hire Kirby Smart
GT JJ
October 29th, 2009
11:54 am
6. Herschel shows up before the game and snaps Tebow’s elbows, then takes out the rest of the FLA starters. uga then wins ugly vs backups 14-10.
DawginLex
October 29th, 2009
11:56 am
how about some reality:
1.) Joe cox completes an entire game without throwing a pick.
2.) Percy and Louis are not going to be playing Saturday
3.) We sacked Jefferson 6 times, do the same with Tebow
If all of the above happens(2 is a given), UGA will win. If not, especially the 1st one on the list, florida will win and cover the spread.
juvenal
October 29th, 2009
11:57 am
as interesting as this game is, it’s only relevant if the daugs actually win…
Not Disappointed!
October 29th, 2009
11:58 am
How ’bout The Good Lord inform Teebow do to prison Ministries this weekend instead of a silly uga/fla game? That’s a game changer.
But………… “The backup QB has a better arm than ST Teebow.
Hang in there pups.
Ramblin Wreck!
EW
October 29th, 2009
12:02 pm
It’s just football..#11 made my day, thanks. The image of Tebow gator chompin’ up and down the sidline..priceless
Not Disappointed!
October 29th, 2009
12:04 pm
Dawginlex, I don’t expect Floriduh to cover. It should be an interesting game. Florida’s defense concerns me, but they can be beat.
Best of luck
Ramblin Wreck!
dostadawg
October 29th, 2009
12:06 pm
#6 Meyer drops to one knee at the 50 and proposes to Tebow. Tebow declines the offer and Meyer runs out of the stadium a broken hearted mess never to be seen or heard from again. the end.