5 ways UGA (and Mrs. Dooley) can sack the mighty Gators

1. In the attempt to show the world there’s no SEC bias toward Florida, Mike Slive deputizes a completely unbiased septet of refs: Vince Dooley, Barbara Dooley, Don Leebern, Sonny Seiler, Loran Smith, Chuck Dowdle and Bill King. (Replay official:  Some guy named Munson.) The Gators are called for 77 penalties. Georgia wins 2-0 when Barbara Dooley sacks Tim Tebow in the end zone.

2. Herschel Walker realizes he left one year of eligibility on the table, and Michael Adams, in his new capacity as president of the NCAA, hastily grants the appeal for reinstatement. And Herschel, at age 46, does what he has already done three times — beat the hated Gators essentially by himself. Then he rides off into the sunset to become an FBI agent.

3. With the Gators leading 16-10, Florida readies for the clinching field goal. Urban Meyer gets so carried away with his timeouts that he calls all three to ice his own kicker. Georgia blocks the resulting try and returns it for the winning touchdown.

4. The aforementioned Tebow performs the Gator Chomp so emphatically after a 2-yard gain that he separates both shoulders. His passing numbers plummet. He is intercepted 12 times, 10 of them being returned for touchdowns. Georgia wins 77-76.

5. Willie Martinez takes another furlough day.

166 comments Add your comment

TN Jeff

October 29th, 2009
8:47 am

That about covers it – best option is still #5

XXXVII

October 29th, 2009
8:49 am

1st!
I think the 4th option is most likely.

UGASlobberknocker

October 29th, 2009
8:49 am

Go ahead and kick the Dawgs while they are down. I still think we have a chance..but despite that I have #6:

5-Tell the Dawg players that the Florida endzone is actually the DMV..then for sure no players will enter there.

Michael Stipe

October 29th, 2009
8:51 am

I fart on all things gaytor.

Nativebird

October 29th, 2009
8:54 am

Actually, all 5 combined might, repeat might, result in a Dawg(doodoo) win.

Starring Henry Wilcoxon as Bishop Pickering

October 29th, 2009
8:55 am

Which of the six would be the referee?

Corrine Brown

October 29th, 2009
8:57 am

Who’s writing your material,Cynthia Tucker?

Tim Teblows

October 29th, 2009
8:59 am

All of these options are good (and funny), but I’d have to go with # 4. Teblows gets so pumped up after every 1 yard gain and draws a ton of attention to himself. Does he ever get flaged? Umm.. No. Maybe because the refs think he is the reincarnation of Jesus himself.

No matter what happens Saturday, Please Dogs, Don’t let him break Herschel’s record! Put 11 guys in the box and leave the receivers wide open, but don’t let him run one in!

ARdawg

October 29th, 2009
9:00 am

Bradley

Ferchristsakes man, how much do they pay you to write this tripe? It’s too damn much

GeoffDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:01 am

I think number five actually has merit. I wonder what we can do to get Martinez on the no fly list?

GeoffDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:04 am

#6 – Hold a jort going out of buisness sale at gametime. Gators forfeit.

O'Brien

October 29th, 2009
9:09 am

Good stuff Mark

SimpleDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:11 am

Mindless drivel…..

EW

October 29th, 2009
9:15 am

MB, One can only hope…

Mitch

October 29th, 2009
9:15 am

# 5 Sounds great to me.
Make Willie “soft zone” M. take that furlough out of Athens for about 5 years and at another school.

Mark Bradley is a Genius

October 29th, 2009
9:17 am

I want the last 30 seconds of my life back

EW

October 29th, 2009
9:19 am

#2 Can’t happen for two reasons:
1. It would void Herschel’s MMA Contract.
2. Because of the MMA status, Herschel may go the way of LeGarrette Blount and drop Tebow after the game.

On second thought…

HonestLawyer

October 29th, 2009
9:21 am

In 1980, Herschel had some significant help from Lindsay Scott!!! Lindsay Scott!!! Lindsay Scott!!!

Dawg Fud

October 29th, 2009
9:21 am

GeoffDawg, the jorts joke has been beaten to death but I still laughed at your post.

1eyedJack

October 29th, 2009
9:24 am

How about 5 ways the AJC can sack Mark Bradley?

steverino

October 29th, 2009
9:24 am

ummmm….Michael Stipe IS gay

Mike Litoris

October 29th, 2009
9:27 am

Let Murray start.

Brooks

October 29th, 2009
9:31 am

Bradley, What happened to you saying that Georgia was going to have a great chance of winning Saturday and had the Gators where they wanted them. Then you come on here and write a bunch of silly BS that is just making fun more than anything. How about writing something that is positive instead of ridiculous. If the Dawgs do win on Saturday there are going to be alot of “writers” changing their stories. Go find your buddy Schultz and laugh it up. I wish I got paid to produce garbage like this. Writing this was a waste of your life.
GO DAWGS!

Skipper

October 29th, 2009
9:34 am

Jorts 49, Mutts 10.

Fashion sense: Helping Georgia win football games until 1989.

Pi$$onaDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:37 am

Slobber that was too TRUE. I have never heard of a team having so many players that don’t have a Drivers License that like to drive around campus.

Call it Like It Is

October 29th, 2009
9:40 am

Hey Tim Teblows,

Suck it up as your boy Pollack used to do the samething without a penalty.

BTW, Tebow = Class and is the best college football player to ever play the game!

Gators roll big.

Enough Said!

Kim Z's Package

October 29th, 2009
9:41 am

Mr. Stipe when you fart you leave tracks. We all know you blew out that seal long ago in the Other Clubs.

Cuz

October 29th, 2009
9:43 am

I’ll take option number two. I have more confidence in Herschel at 46 than I do with our teenage or 20 year old running backs. Besides Herschel would get four more rushing touchdowns and tick off Urban Meyer because Tim would not get the SEC rushing touchdown record against the despised Dawgs.

Doug

October 29th, 2009
9:43 am

Very funny Jerk! hate is to kind of a word for you……you are sewage!

Mark Bradley

October 29th, 2009
9:44 am

Does anybody have any nude pictures of Tim Tebow they could mail me??

AceDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:45 am

Hey Slick Willy, If Bobo wants to be down on the field instead of the press box, maybe YOU should go up there to better see why your defensive schemes are so pathetic.

Anyway, Go Dawgs!

Mark Bradley

October 29th, 2009
9:46 am

Sometimes I just sit at my desk and think about Vince & Barbara naked.

Darth Urinator

October 29th, 2009
9:46 am

5 ADDITIONAL ways UGA (and Mrs. Dooley) can sack the mighty Gators

5. Give the Gator players STDs ( You know….. ON THE DOWN LOW.)

4. Spike the Florida Gatorade bucket with Ecstasy.

3. Frame Florida players for an illegal dogfighting ring and gambling operation white English Bulldogs get “The Vick Treatment”

2. Have Willie Martinez call a press conference publicly profess he stole Tim Tebow’s virginity (or vice versa).

1. Give Mark Richt a testosterone augmentation, as that lad SURELY needs it.

SamInAtlanta

October 29th, 2009
9:47 am

Nice change of pace Mark. I think option #1 is the only way they can win, and even then It will be close

Pi$$onaDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:48 am

Doug why all the hate? UGA is going to have a chance to play the game and win, but with Willie I doubt the Dawgs will win. I hope the Dawgs do win. I want a good dawg coming to Atlanta.

TROTTINGHOMETUDD

October 29th, 2009
9:48 am

I think about Vince and Barbraa naked too Mark!!!!

Mark is obviously over worked since Bisher and Moore left. Here’s a case where oppurtunity didn’t help a lawyer.

GeoffDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:49 am

Call it Like It Is – The difference is that when David Pollack was playing, refs weren’t tossing flags for “calling attention to oneself” like candy at a parade. Call it or don’t. Just be consistent.

Mark Bradley

October 29th, 2009
9:49 am

…… and sometimes I think about me, Urban & Tim in a “three way”.

Ryno

October 29th, 2009
9:52 am

Mr. Schultz – In all honesty, do you see UGA covering? 15.5 is a mighty big number. Perhaps I should clam up and wait for your chalkboard predictions tomorrow!

brewdawg

October 29th, 2009
9:52 am

Here is the thing: during the heyday of the run under Mark Richt (2002-2005), UGA had the superior team at least 3 of the 4 years (and would have been 4 of 4 had Shockley played in 05). We went 1-3. The losses in ‘02 and ‘03 derailed possible national title runs. We owe them a season-screwer during a year they are clearly better than us.

Ted Striker

October 29th, 2009
9:53 am

Now that was one funny column!

Ryno

October 29th, 2009
9:53 am

Whoops! Of course I meant Mr. Bradley

Pi$$onaDawg

October 29th, 2009
9:55 am

GeoffDawg: you are correct sir. GT lost to Notre Dame at home a few years back because of a Personal Foul hit on Quinn on the sidelines giving ND a 1st doen to allow them to score 2 plays later. Then GT played VT and a Va Tech player did the samething a few weeks later and no FLAG. All I want is for the calls to be consistent from game to game.

GW

October 29th, 2009
9:55 am

1 furlough day ain’t enough.

Kim Z's Package

October 29th, 2009
9:59 am

UGA is 4-3 I don’t think Willie has any FURLOUGH Days left because he has taken most of the season’s Saturdays off already.

F-105 Thunderchief

October 29th, 2009
10:00 am

In other words, it’s impossible.

Serge

October 29th, 2009
10:02 am

I’m guessing 9:49 is another Mark Bradley.

AthensSG

October 29th, 2009
10:02 am

Mark, I was reading the Cox interview on the front page and he spoke about the game plan for UF. I started thinking that the game plan is hardly ever the problem with UGA. Remember the OSU game – the Dawgs drove the length of the field with ease to start the game. OSU adjusted their defense and the Dawgs never got another drive going the rest of the game. To put it simply, we just can’t adjust to adjustments. That’s why I give UGA no chance of winning this game. But I’ll watch every down, hoping for some miracle – a diarrhea bug in UF’s Gatorade or something… Short of that, Mark, is there any hope?

Hmmmmmmm

October 29th, 2009
10:03 am

How about some team discipline and accountability. Never mind, it shouldn’t matter if a player is jailed and posts bond. I mean, this shouldn’t effect his playing time. What was I thinking?

dtanner

October 29th, 2009
10:14 am

mark,i guess sometimes you run out of things to write and you have to come up with garbage like this