The highlight of my so-called career: I jinx Chipper Jones!
Last year I put the Bradley Whammy on the Braves and the Bulldogs. I’ve since done it to the Falcons in the desert and the Magic in the finals. I am, I think we’ll all agree, uncanny when it comes to affixing a hex. But I have, you should know, just attained a career acme.
I have chumped Chipper.
He was hitting .335 and leading the National League in on-base percentage when I endeavored to write a little something nice about him last week. He hasn’t had a hit since. He’s 0-for-21. The worst he has ever been at any point in his major-league existence is 0-for-23.
I knew I was really good. (Or, depending on your slant, really bad.) I had no idea I was capable of something like this.
So now I’ve decided to use my powers for good, not evil. I am hereby proclaiming — proclaiming, you hear? — that the economy will never, ever get better! Never! Ever! We’re all bound for penury!
I think that ought to do it. You and your 401(k) will thank me within the month. As for poor Chipper Jones … I doubt he’ll get another hit.
What can I say? Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.
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71 comments Add your comment
Reid Adair
June 15th, 2009
11:14 am
Good grief, Mark.
Soon people are going to be talking about you like they do the players on the cover of the Madden video game.
Hang in there. Chipper will get a hit again one day.
azcat225
June 15th, 2009
11:21 am
C’mon, Mark! You, of all people, should know double-reverse psychology never works. You’ve just doomed us to the Great Depression, Part Deux.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
11:22 am
Sure about that, Reid?
Me, I think I could have stopped DiMaggio’s streak at four games.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
11:23 am
Wasn’t the George Costanza “Opposite” theory that, since everything he did was wrong, doing the opposite must, ergo, be right?
Or was that from the Bizarro World?
mitch
June 15th, 2009
11:29 am
Mr. MB–you rank right up there with that Chicago newspaper which predicted the outcome of the 1948 presidential election. Your pal, Mitch
mudcat
June 15th, 2009
11:31 am
Would you please start writing about how great the Phillies and Mets are? Please?
Gman
June 15th, 2009
11:34 am
Costanza’s “opposite” Seems like Wren could use a good press secretary.
Gman
June 15th, 2009
11:36 am
Costanza’s “opposite” approach helped him land his job with the Yankees. Keep this up and you could be working in the Braves front office. Seems like Wren could use a good press secretary.
Be-little, BeBOLD
June 15th, 2009
11:40 am
Please write that Bobby Cox and Terry Pendleton will never retire or be fired . . . that will be your TRUE TEST Mark!!! I don’t believe you will do it.
RD
June 15th, 2009
11:42 am
So, can you go ahead and predict Tech to beat Florida for the National Championship?…would appreciate a little voodoo on our favorite rivals.
Rick
June 15th, 2009
11:43 am
Please write your next column about how the Florida Gators are going to go undefeated and win the NC. PLEASE!! I beg of you!
uga_b
June 15th, 2009
12:02 pm
You are like the architect…ergo, concordantly, vis-a-vis. You should write an article about rising ticket prices and clueless Atlanta franchise ownership.
NC Braves Fan
June 15th, 2009
12:31 pm
Mark – you could write a Chipper stinks and will never hit again piece.
Mac
June 15th, 2009
12:33 pm
“… I doubt he’ll get another hit.”
Thanks! Whew. I feel much better now.
TMoney
June 15th, 2009
12:47 pm
Really use your powers for good, say Drew Brees will have an incredible season for the Saints, leading them to a Wild Card birth, but the Panthers will shock many as they win 15 games. Tampa Bay will be respectable at 9-7, and the Falcons will fall apart and continue the streak of not having back-to-back winning seasons after going 5-11.
Plus that we’ll never attain world peace.
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
12:48 pm
Mark,
Could you say something nice about my ex-wife?
MightyQuinn
June 15th, 2009
12:49 pm
“My name is George. I’m unemployed and live with my parents.”
“My name is Larry. I’m 0 for 21 and I play for the Braves.”
Sounds like a parallel universe. But if the Costanza theory holds, the Braves should now win the World Series.
TROTTINGHOMETUDD
June 15th, 2009
12:52 pm
what good is Costanza when he only gets one at bat a game.
Jesus we need to stop showing the Mets – Yankees series on TBS.
Then we win (theoretically.
And its not Wren. It’s….well let’s just say it’s not Wren
TROTTINGHOMETUDD
June 15th, 2009
12:53 pm
oops i used the wrong name for that new kid we brought up to ressurect our offense.
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
12:54 pm
Mark,
Is there any friction betwee Cox & Wren, or, are you not able to comment on such matters?
Chris
June 15th, 2009
1:00 pm
Instead of reverse jinx efforts, you could stop writing.
Mikey
June 15th, 2009
1:04 pm
Mark,
Could you write…err…find something good to write about Dale Jr?
At the rate he’s going, he will be fired from Hendrick motorsports.
The 50 year old has won 3 times!!!
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
1:06 pm
Mark,
I think my spelling is jinxed.
jamesr1991
June 15th, 2009
1:13 pm
Mark to break Chipper’s curse and the Braves. Go to the old Cracker’s ball yard on Ponce de Leon. Behind Home Depot scoop up a gallon jar of dirt from underneath or near what was the Magnolia tree. Take it to Turner Field, using a tablespoon spread the dust of the ol’ Crackers on the mound around the bases in the locker room (hit every locker), the dug out, coaches offices, announcer booth and the parking lot.
This will break Chipper’s curse as well as the Braves…The late Leroy Powell did it and it brought 14 straight division titles. Can’t hurt.
Keep up the Tweets.
Meat Rabbit
June 15th, 2009
1:20 pm
Mark, will you please set my daughter up with Mike Tyson.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:25 pm
Actually, I did pick Florida to win ‘em all — but to lose to Texas in the championship game.
Is there friction between Cox and Wren? Let me put it this way: I’m not sure they work together as seamlessly — John Schuerholz term — as B.C. and J.S. did. But I could be imagining things. They don’t ask me to sit in on staff meetings.
Please continue...
June 15th, 2009
1:26 pm
…to write about how no one, especially UGA, has any chance against those UF Gators ever again!!!!
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:28 pm
In 1985 I wrote that Vince Dooley’s poor-mouthing was, for a change, merited and that Georgia stood no chance against the nation’s top-ranked team.
Final score: Georgia 24, Florida 3. I’ve been at this a long time, ladies and germs.
Vern
June 15th, 2009
1:31 pm
Penury, is that located just outside Squalor?
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:34 pm
Next door to Squalor, just around the corner from Desolation. And one block from Pestilence.
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
1:39 pm
Mark,
Could you please do a column about Tim Tebow & the Gators?
I’ll probably go to hell for asking, but whatever.
Can’t be much worse than 49-10…
Chopper
June 15th, 2009
1:41 pm
But what about Smoltz? You write something negative about him and he acts negative towards you. Shouldn’t be that if you write something negative about him he will be nice to you or if you write something nice it will piss him off? Smoltz throws the whole thing off. Maybe he’s your kryptonite or maybe your his???
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:41 pm
How’s this for a start? “Spend 15 minutes with Tebow and your life is better …”
Whoops. Sorry. Somebody beat me to it.
Supes
June 15th, 2009
1:42 pm
Mark,
Surely with the next 3 road games being played at Cincy, a glorified little league park, Chipper should get back on track:)
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:42 pm
When speaking of Smoltz and me, we have truly landed in the Bizarro World, Mr. Chopper.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
1:43 pm
You’d have to think so, Supes. But let me note that I hung around Cincinnati as a younger man. My mojo is mighty in the Queen City.
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
1:44 pm
SWEET!!!
You’re predicting UGA to finish worse than Tech & now praising Tebow….
SEC Championship, HERE WE COME!
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
1:45 pm
Say something good about Obama, wait, have you already done that????
Reebok
June 15th, 2009
1:48 pm
PLEASE don’t pick Ga Tech to win the ACC and beat UGA again!!!
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
1:49 pm
Bradley, you see your boy Rich Franklin fight Wanderlei Saturday night?
Dell
June 15th, 2009
1:51 pm
Good-gracious Mark, can we please get more coverage on the Atlanta Dream? We as readers of the local news paper, depend on you all to cover sports…period! Not just the one’s that you like! I would hate to think of you all as a group of chauvinist……
Mike Jay
June 15th, 2009
1:54 pm
Penury- I actually had to look up a word from a sports column! Congratulations Mr Bradley that was a perspicacious choice of words.
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
1:57 pm
Mark,
Whenever I think about a Braves staff meeting, It brings me back to when Joe Torre was the manager…It was when the Braves were bad, so they fired Torre, than got good, and are now bad again.
Anyway, WTBS_Ted Turner were doing a special on the Braves. One of the segments was a staff meeting which had Torre & Ted talking about what needed to be done to help fix the Braves horrible pitching….If I remember correctly, Torre was telling Ted that he didn’t know what else he could say or do to make the pitching better, so Ted told Torre that he wanted him to make more visits to the mound during games.
The look on Torre’s face was priceless when Ted told him that…..Good stuff.
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
2:05 pm
By the way bloggers…My LSU Tigers will play Tebow in this years SECCG. LSU will beat Florida and go on to win the NC…Because it’s LSU’s turn….Go Tigers!!!!
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
2:07 pm
LOL, yeah….
Go fix your fanboat.
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
2:24 pm
WTF, WTF?
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
2:27 pm
You know what I’m sayin Bobby.
Captain Insano shows no mercy.
Tami
June 15th, 2009
2:27 pm
Reverse hexism, huh? Hope it works. If Chipper doesn’t hit, Lord knows the rest of the Braves won’t. Sigh….wish some of these overpaid “professional” hitters would actually step up, earn the pay they’re receiving, and take Chipper off the hook for a change. One day very soon, they won’t have hit bat around. Then what?
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
2:28 pm
Perhaps if they had a hitting coach instead of Terry Pendleton.
Tami
June 15th, 2009
2:28 pm
Uhh….P.S.: I meant to say — “One day very soon, they won’t have HIS bat in the order around any longer. Then what?” Sorry about that. LOL.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
2:29 pm
In my mind, Mr. Turner’s request was totally reasonable. Probably in Mr. Turner’s mind, too.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
2:35 pm
Speaking of Terry Pendleton … a new post is upcoming.
The Dude
June 15th, 2009
2:43 pm
Isn’t this blog about baseball? I thought so. Mark, I believe you’re born of the same journalism blood as the Braves announcers over the past 20 years. They were always great for providing the negative (this has never happened) jinx on the Braves during broadcasts. That being said, I’ve always liked Braves announcers and missed them dearly during playoff runs on channels other than TBS. On that note, please say something really nice about Tim McCarver.
Phil
June 15th, 2009
2:44 pm
Be-little, BeBOLD,
Bradley will never write about Moron Cox or TP retiring or being fired. He’s one of their biggest supporters.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
2:47 pm
Re: Terry Pendleton. Here y’all go.
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
2:47 pm
Um, I think this blog is about Bradley jinxing Chipper Jones…. Who happens to be a baseball player…
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
2:54 pm
I can envision Joe Torre visiting the mound while Phil Niekro is pitching, and saying “Ted told me I had to visit you more often”.
The Dude
June 15th, 2009
2:55 pm
Right, WTF???, as in not about LSU football. That’s all the point I was trying to make. Fan boat was pretty funny.
Homer
June 15th, 2009
2:57 pm
WANTED: REAL REPORTER FOR THE AJC….QUICKLY!!
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
3:02 pm
I wish I lived in Louisiana, that way I could make my daily commute in a canoe. Talk about savings…
PMC
June 15th, 2009
3:02 pm
Nah, it’s nothing the elder Mr. Jones can’t fix with a phone call.
Dr. Warren
June 15th, 2009
3:05 pm
Didn’t you once say that Spudd Webb would never hold a candle to Charlie Criss?
AJC*
June 15th, 2009
3:14 pm
At least as a Braves fan I’ve got LSU to fall back on to win the biggest game every 4 years or so….Good luck with that UGA (1980) & G-Tech (probably never)..LOL
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
3:39 pm
UGA will win the NC before LSU does again.
Tebow is gone this year.
Nick Saban is not.
The Dude
June 15th, 2009
3:43 pm
I don’t hang my hopes for enjoyment of life on the performance of a sports team. That’s how I maintain my sanity.
WTF???
June 15th, 2009
3:56 pm
I maintain sanity via hitting many small, white balls into woods. Sometimes grass, but mostly just woods….
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
6:13 pm
Actually, Dr. Warren, that’s one I didn’t say. (Although I might have thunk it.)
Hillbilly Deluxe
June 15th, 2009
6:15 pm
the economy will never, ever get better!
With my luck you’ll be right on that one.
Hillbilly Deluxe
June 15th, 2009
6:17 pm
I’ll say something nice about Tim McCarver. Since I quit watching games he’s broadcasting, I don’t find him nearly as irritating.
Mark Bradley
June 15th, 2009
6:46 pm
Tim McCarver … Tim McCarver … funny, since I discovered the mute button that name no longer registers.
truth-serum
June 15th, 2009
9:58 pm
EITHER DAVID JUSTICE GOES OR I GO!! HE AINT GOING TO UPSTAND ME!!!