Last year I put the Bradley Whammy on the Braves and the Bulldogs. I’ve since done it to the Falcons in the desert and the Magic in the finals. I am, I think we’ll all agree, uncanny when it comes to affixing a hex. But I have, you should know, just attained a career acme.
I have chumped Chipper.
He was hitting .335 and leading the National League in on-base percentage when I endeavored to write a little something nice about him last week. He hasn’t had a hit since. He’s 0-for-21. The worst he has ever been at any point in his major-league existence is 0-for-23.
I knew I was really good. (Or, depending on your slant, really bad.) I had no idea I was capable of something like this.
So now I’ve decided to use my powers for good, not evil. I am hereby proclaiming — proclaiming, you hear? — that the economy will never, ever get better! Never! Ever! We’re all bound for penury!
I think that ought to do it. You and your 401(k) will thank me within the month. As for poor Chipper Jones … I doubt he’ll get another hit.
What can I say? Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.