The highlight of my so-called career: I jinx Chipper Jones!

Last year I put the Bradley Whammy on the Braves and the Bulldogs. I’ve since done it to the Falcons in the desert and the Magic in the finals. I am, I think we’ll all agree, uncanny when it comes to affixing a hex. But I have, you should know, just attained a career acme.

I have chumped Chipper.

He was hitting .335 and leading the National League in on-base percentage when I endeavored to write a little something nice about him last week. He hasn’t had a hit since. He’s 0-for-21. The worst he has ever been at any point in his major-league existence is 0-for-23.

I knew I was really good. (Or, depending on your slant, really bad.) I had no idea I was capable of something like this.

So now I’ve decided to use my powers for good, not evil. I am hereby proclaiming — proclaiming, you hear? — that the economy will never, ever get better! Never! Ever! We’re all bound for penury!

I think that ought to do it. You and your 401(k) will thank me within the month. As for poor Chipper Jones … I doubt he’ll get another hit.

What can I say? Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.

71 comments Add your comment

Reid Adair

June 15th, 2009
11:14 am

Good grief, Mark.

Soon people are going to be talking about you like they do the players on the cover of the Madden video game.

Hang in there. Chipper will get a hit again one day.

azcat225

June 15th, 2009
11:21 am

C’mon, Mark! You, of all people, should know double-reverse psychology never works. You’ve just doomed us to the Great Depression, Part Deux.

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
11:22 am

Sure about that, Reid?

Me, I think I could have stopped DiMaggio’s streak at four games.

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
11:23 am

Wasn’t the George Costanza “Opposite” theory that, since everything he did was wrong, doing the opposite must, ergo, be right?

Or was that from the Bizarro World?

mitch

June 15th, 2009
11:29 am

Mr. MB–you rank right up there with that Chicago newspaper which predicted the outcome of the 1948 presidential election. Your pal, Mitch

mudcat

June 15th, 2009
11:31 am

Would you please start writing about how great the Phillies and Mets are? Please?

Gman

June 15th, 2009
11:34 am

Costanza’s “opposite” Seems like Wren could use a good press secretary.

Gman

June 15th, 2009
11:36 am

Costanza’s “opposite” approach helped him land his job with the Yankees. Keep this up and you could be working in the Braves front office. Seems like Wren could use a good press secretary.

Be-little, BeBOLD

June 15th, 2009
11:40 am

Please write that Bobby Cox and Terry Pendleton will never retire or be fired . . . that will be your TRUE TEST Mark!!! I don’t believe you will do it.

RD

June 15th, 2009
11:42 am

So, can you go ahead and predict Tech to beat Florida for the National Championship?…would appreciate a little voodoo on our favorite rivals.

Rick

June 15th, 2009
11:43 am

Please write your next column about how the Florida Gators are going to go undefeated and win the NC. PLEASE!! I beg of you!

uga_b

June 15th, 2009
12:02 pm

You are like the architect…ergo, concordantly, vis-a-vis. You should write an article about rising ticket prices and clueless Atlanta franchise ownership.

NC Braves Fan

June 15th, 2009
12:31 pm

Mark – you could write a Chipper stinks and will never hit again piece. :)

Mac

June 15th, 2009
12:33 pm

“… I doubt he’ll get another hit.”

Thanks! Whew. I feel much better now.

TMoney

June 15th, 2009
12:47 pm

Really use your powers for good, say Drew Brees will have an incredible season for the Saints, leading them to a Wild Card birth, but the Panthers will shock many as they win 15 games. Tampa Bay will be respectable at 9-7, and the Falcons will fall apart and continue the streak of not having back-to-back winning seasons after going 5-11.

Plus that we’ll never attain world peace.

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
12:48 pm

Mark,

Could you say something nice about my ex-wife?

MightyQuinn

June 15th, 2009
12:49 pm

“My name is George. I’m unemployed and live with my parents.”

“My name is Larry. I’m 0 for 21 and I play for the Braves.”

Sounds like a parallel universe. But if the Costanza theory holds, the Braves should now win the World Series.

TROTTINGHOMETUDD

June 15th, 2009
12:52 pm

what good is Costanza when he only gets one at bat a game.

Jesus we need to stop showing the Mets – Yankees series on TBS.

Then we win (theoretically.

And its not Wren. It’s….well let’s just say it’s not Wren

TROTTINGHOMETUDD

June 15th, 2009
12:53 pm

oops i used the wrong name for that new kid we brought up to ressurect our offense.

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
12:54 pm

Mark,

Is there any friction betwee Cox & Wren, or, are you not able to comment on such matters?

Chris

June 15th, 2009
1:00 pm

Instead of reverse jinx efforts, you could stop writing.

Mikey

June 15th, 2009
1:04 pm

Mark,

Could you write…err…find something good to write about Dale Jr?
At the rate he’s going, he will be fired from Hendrick motorsports.
The 50 year old has won 3 times!!!

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
1:06 pm

Mark,

I think my spelling is jinxed.

jamesr1991

June 15th, 2009
1:13 pm

Mark to break Chipper’s curse and the Braves. Go to the old Cracker’s ball yard on Ponce de Leon. Behind Home Depot scoop up a gallon jar of dirt from underneath or near what was the Magnolia tree. Take it to Turner Field, using a tablespoon spread the dust of the ol’ Crackers on the mound around the bases in the locker room (hit every locker), the dug out, coaches offices, announcer booth and the parking lot.

This will break Chipper’s curse as well as the Braves…The late Leroy Powell did it and it brought 14 straight division titles. Can’t hurt.
Keep up the Tweets.

Meat Rabbit

June 15th, 2009
1:20 pm

Mark, will you please set my daughter up with Mike Tyson.

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:25 pm

Actually, I did pick Florida to win ‘em all — but to lose to Texas in the championship game.

Is there friction between Cox and Wren? Let me put it this way: I’m not sure they work together as seamlessly — John Schuerholz term — as B.C. and J.S. did. But I could be imagining things. They don’t ask me to sit in on staff meetings.

Please continue...

June 15th, 2009
1:26 pm

…to write about how no one, especially UGA, has any chance against those UF Gators ever again!!!!

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:28 pm

In 1985 I wrote that Vince Dooley’s poor-mouthing was, for a change, merited and that Georgia stood no chance against the nation’s top-ranked team.

Final score: Georgia 24, Florida 3. I’ve been at this a long time, ladies and germs.

Vern

June 15th, 2009
1:31 pm

Penury, is that located just outside Squalor?

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:34 pm

Next door to Squalor, just around the corner from Desolation. And one block from Pestilence.

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
1:39 pm

Mark,

Could you please do a column about Tim Tebow & the Gators?

I’ll probably go to hell for asking, but whatever.

Can’t be much worse than 49-10…

Chopper

June 15th, 2009
1:41 pm

But what about Smoltz? You write something negative about him and he acts negative towards you. Shouldn’t be that if you write something negative about him he will be nice to you or if you write something nice it will piss him off? Smoltz throws the whole thing off. Maybe he’s your kryptonite or maybe your his???

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:41 pm

How’s this for a start? “Spend 15 minutes with Tebow and your life is better …”

Whoops. Sorry. Somebody beat me to it.

Supes

June 15th, 2009
1:42 pm

Mark,

Surely with the next 3 road games being played at Cincy, a glorified little league park, Chipper should get back on track:)

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:42 pm

When speaking of Smoltz and me, we have truly landed in the Bizarro World, Mr. Chopper.

Mark Bradley

June 15th, 2009
1:43 pm

You’d have to think so, Supes. But let me note that I hung around Cincinnati as a younger man. My mojo is mighty in the Queen City.

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
1:44 pm

SWEET!!!

You’re predicting UGA to finish worse than Tech & now praising Tebow….

SEC Championship, HERE WE COME!

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
1:45 pm

Say something good about Obama, wait, have you already done that????

Reebok

June 15th, 2009
1:48 pm

PLEASE don’t pick Ga Tech to win the ACC and beat UGA again!!!

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
1:49 pm

Bradley, you see your boy Rich Franklin fight Wanderlei Saturday night?

Dell

June 15th, 2009
1:51 pm

Good-gracious Mark, can we please get more coverage on the Atlanta Dream? We as readers of the local news paper, depend on you all to cover sports…period! Not just the one’s that you like! I would hate to think of you all as a group of chauvinist……

Mike Jay

June 15th, 2009
1:54 pm

Penury- I actually had to look up a word from a sports column! Congratulations Mr Bradley that was a perspicacious choice of words.

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
1:57 pm

Mark,

Whenever I think about a Braves staff meeting, It brings me back to when Joe Torre was the manager…It was when the Braves were bad, so they fired Torre, than got good, and are now bad again.

Anyway, WTBS_Ted Turner were doing a special on the Braves. One of the segments was a staff meeting which had Torre & Ted talking about what needed to be done to help fix the Braves horrible pitching….If I remember correctly, Torre was telling Ted that he didn’t know what else he could say or do to make the pitching better, so Ted told Torre that he wanted him to make more visits to the mound during games.

The look on Torre’s face was priceless when Ted told him that…..Good stuff.

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
2:05 pm

By the way bloggers…My LSU Tigers will play Tebow in this years SECCG. LSU will beat Florida and go on to win the NC…Because it’s LSU’s turn….Go Tigers!!!!

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
2:07 pm

LOL, yeah….

Go fix your fanboat.

AJC*

June 15th, 2009
2:24 pm

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
2:27 pm

You know what I’m sayin Bobby.

Captain Insano shows no mercy.

Tami

June 15th, 2009
2:27 pm

Reverse hexism, huh? Hope it works. If Chipper doesn’t hit, Lord knows the rest of the Braves won’t. Sigh….wish some of these overpaid “professional” hitters would actually step up, earn the pay they’re receiving, and take Chipper off the hook for a change. One day very soon, they won’t have hit bat around. Then what?

WTF???

June 15th, 2009
2:28 pm

Perhaps if they had a hitting coach instead of Terry Pendleton.

Tami

June 15th, 2009
2:28 pm

Uhh….P.S.: I meant to say — “One day very soon, they won’t have HIS bat in the order around any longer. Then what?” Sorry about that. LOL.