Live from Cleveland: Game 2, and the Mayor is mad at me!
Cleveland – I don’t like doing television. Heck, I don’t like watching television. But a local station asked if I’d come on live from courtside at the Q before tonight’s game because one of the anchors took umbrage with this scandalous line from the live Game 1 blog:
“For one thing, they have to live in Cleveland.”
It was, I’ll grant you, a bad little joke. But I’d also submit that, as Cleveland jokes go, it was about the mildest ever. Because I don’t really get into that make-fun-of-the-other-city thing. (Except for Birmingham, Ala. — don’t get me started on Birmingham, Ala.)
Anyway, I was asked to go on the local Fox affiliate with some guy named Bob — or maybe it was Bill — who bills (or bobs) himself as the Mayor of the City of Champions. (Yes, that would, in Bob/Bill’s mind, be Cleveland, Ohio, which hasn’t seen a professional championship since 1964. But I digress.)
So there I am, trying to be a good sport, and Bob/Bill comes on, calls me a knothead, calls my employer the Journal-Constipation (hey, new one!) and starts ranting. Being a Kentuckian and therefore a diplomat on the order of Henry Clay, I seek to calm the waters.
I call him, “Your honor.” I say, “We all know the Braves were lucky to beat the Indians in 1995 [they weren't, but I was trying to be conciliatory] and we have a sneaking suspicion the Hawks won’t win a game against the Cavaliers [I wasn't kidding about that one] and we’ve had such a difficult winter with all the snow [what'd we have, an inch?] — I was just trying to give us Atlantans something to feel good about.”
Well, Bob/Bill wasn’t having it. He ranted about our “dreadful airport” — if you want to see a dreadful airport, take a stroll through the one up here — and the byzantine nature of Peachtree Street and called ours “a dreadful, dreadful city.” And I stood there deadpan. And then he started going on about Cleveland, and said he was glad he lived there.
And I said: “And we’re [meaning Atlantans] glad you live here, too.”
Apparently deadpan doesn’t register up here because the Mayor had no rejoinder. And apparently this wasn’t making for the kind of Good TV this fine station had in mind. So Bob/Bill’s co-anchor — I believe her name was Stacey, though it might have been Cindy — said: “Mark, you know this is all in fun?”
And I said: “Actually, I thought this was supposed to be a serious discussion.”
So then the folks back in the studio decided to cut it off because I wasn’t yelling back, but not before Bob/Bill threatened to beat me up. Twice. And he told me I’d better hide. And finally I dropped the poker face and started laughing.
“Yeah,” I said, “I’m hiding from you.”
And I probably shouldn’t report this because they might get exiled by the Mayor, but the technicians on my end of the camera laughed, too. I felt I’d kept my dignity, such as it is. And I also felt that, alongside Bob/Bill, Russ Spencer is David Brinkley.
OK, enough about me: While I was waiting to do my calamitous spot, none other than LeBron James was shooting 40 footers over my head. He was shooting from the walkway adjacent to the Cavs’ bench. He was shooting over the backboard.
He airballed the first half-dozen. Then he hit the rim. Then he airballed two more. Then he swished one. This pleased him so much that he leaped up and touched the exit sign above the tunnel, which is about 11 feet from the floor.
Speaking of which: The Plain Dealer’s lead sports story, written by Brian Windhorst, posed this stumper — who jumps higher, LeBron or Josh Smith? No consensus was reached, save for the belief that LeBron jumps stronger but Smoove jumps prettier.
Reading the story on the morning of Game 2, the first thought that crossed my mind was: The Cleveland folks must think there’s not much to say about this series if they’re already trotting out the feature-y stuff. And there might not be.
Major basketball news!!!! Mike Woodson just announced that Al Horford and Marvin Williams won’t play tonight. Zaza Pachulia will start in Horfy’s stead. Woodson described the two injured Hawks as “day to day” and said that Williams (wrist) was closer to being fit for Game 2 than Horford (ankle).
Woodson: “We’ve got no excuses. Guys have to step up and play. I expect [bench guys] to step up and play, and I’m going to push them to step up.”
Ramifications of this breaking news: Let’s assume the Hawks lose tonight. They’ll have to win Game 3 to keep hope alive, but can they manage that with Horfy and Marvin gimpy at best and sidelined at worst? The skeptic in me says no. But I’m also the guy who figured the Celtics would sweep a year ago.
The vile video: Here, if you dare, is my alleged conversation with the alleged Mayor. I would not recommend anyone watch, unless you’re fond of disasters. Even Channel 8 describes it as “one of the strangest moments in the station’s history.”
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522 comments Add your comment
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:25 pm
What would the Hawks be like if they had to play for the Utah coach ?
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:26 pm
(REID) NAME A TIME THE HAWKS HAVE BEEN UP BY 30……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………STILL WAITING………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..MY POINT EXACTLY……… WE DONT HAVE A VIABLE OFFENSIVE GAME PLAN… UNDER WOODY WE WILL NEVER GET ANY BETTER….. WE NEED AND OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:26 pm
If the actual team leader is Josh Smith….he is too young and childish ?
braveshater
May 7th, 2009
9:27 pm
At Least there will be some beautiful ladies at the game saturday.
Reid Adair
May 7th, 2009
9:27 pm
Only in the NBA are players given fouls AFTER the game is over, by people sitting behind a desk in New York. What a joke.
Neil
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
This team is EMBARRASING!!! Mike Woodson needs to be FIRED!!!
Sam
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
Mark, write about manic-depressive syndrome…you’ve got exhibit A right in front of you. Granted, more depressive than manic, but that’s a classic presentation. You can even focus on the implications of having multiple manic-depressive people trying to function as a resilient unit…the social dynamics of mob-mentality neurochemical imbalances. Sounds like an open-and-shut article to me.
preston
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
This has turned into a circus act. Mark…are you serious in asking what was Woody supposed to do? The same thing was happening to the Hawks last year on the road in the playoffs with a healthy Horford and Williams, and outside of the one game that the hawks won in Miami, the blow outs were still happening this year, what concerns us fans is that this is an alarming trend that seems to be the norm with this team. How can a team be soo focused and competitive at home, and soo terrible and listless on the road? Same story…same script regardless of the players. Hell, we could go one the road and get embarrassed by the little rascals if we had to play them in their own house.
Reid Adair
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
D.Carter, I didn’t say they had been. I said IF they were.
Some of the folks complaining about Mike Woodson now were saying the same things in each of the four games Atlanta won in the Miami series, and all of those contests were decided by double digits.
eturn
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
Ask Rick Sund what he plans to do Mark.. He calls the shots.
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
Sam a good girlfriend would suck, suck suck…HA HA HA……
kj
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
Mark, maybe you can write about what besides a miracle will help the hawks salvage some sense of dignity throughout these horrible playoff blowouts.
braveshater
May 7th, 2009
9:28 pm
At least there will be some beautiful ladies at the game saturday night.
JoeBrave
May 7th, 2009
9:29 pm
Face it these @ssholes SUCK, and they’re never gonna do better as long as Josh (no game)Smith,and Joe i hate being touched Johnson are on this team can you say GUTLESS!!!!
HawkDawg
May 7th, 2009
9:30 pm
How about an obituary?
Joe Johnson
May 7th, 2009
9:30 pm
NEWS FLASH!!!! I”M TIRED !!!!!!!!
Cuz
May 7th, 2009
9:30 pm
Picture this if you will. Two teams.Both on a road to a championship. Unfortunately, as we all know, there is an interchange in Atlanta. The Hawks have ignored the road under construction signs and ran headlong off the overpass. (Insert screams here.)
How is that for a start Mark. I can finish it and send it to you.
wow
May 7th, 2009
9:30 pm
My suggestion for Bradley’s column – need to write about how the Hawks lost due to racism. How the man held the team down and all…………………
Well, somebody has to pick up the slack from the absence of Terence Moore.
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:30 pm
We need Al on the floor….he is inspirational……….he knows how to dig deep…….
We also need an attitude problem mad guy with foam coming out of his mouth…..killer dog mentality !
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:31 pm
MARK lets start a poll…..
Who do you find more interesting? Lebron James or The Dos Equis man?
kj
May 7th, 2009
9:32 pm
Mark, You could write about the possible draft picks for the hawks, and for a little flavor throw in some free agent or sign and trade options for this off season. Looks like they will be going fishing here in a few games with the way they are playing
HawkDawg
May 7th, 2009
9:33 pm
I once taught a dog to bark in Spanish!
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:33 pm
I think the Hawks have improved……… now how do we get to the next step ?
Mayor Billy Bob
May 7th, 2009
9:33 pm
Take that suckas !!!!!
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:34 pm
Hey HawkDawg……… you must be the most Interesting Dog in the world HA HA HA……
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:34 pm
Bulls flat out refuse to fight me!!!!
eturn
May 7th, 2009
9:34 pm
Carter I gotta give it to Dos Ewwuis man.. he had the german shepard dog bark in spanish lol
Reid Adair
May 7th, 2009
9:35 pm
“The frustration in the locker room is at an all time high,” Heather Cox quotes Mike Woodson as saying.
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:35 pm
Mike bibby is a great defender
kent
May 7th, 2009
9:36 pm
GET The w’s back home. Thats what needs to happen.
eturn
May 7th, 2009
9:36 pm
mispelled dos equis
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:36 pm
Look we can’t play without a few Bigs……..bottom line……punish the driver going to the hole !
kj
May 7th, 2009
9:36 pm
lets make this interesting… I say we only loose by 38. what do you guys think?
HawkDawg
May 7th, 2009
9:37 pm
Lime trees bear fruit on MY command!
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:37 pm
Bibby is a horrible defender ! His game is ALL O
Mark Bradley
May 7th, 2009
9:38 pm
Lead’s 28 now. And I’m guessing you know which team’s ahead.
Ga Bulldawg
May 7th, 2009
9:38 pm
Joe Johnson is tired, it’s pretty obvious…He already said that he would never use that as an excuse but I think it’s a valid excuse. All these seasons of being overplayed by Woody has finally paid off. I don’t wanna hear that everybody else in the playoffs has played 82 games and they are still doing what it takes to win…this man has been forced to do too much while playing TOO many minutes. This is due to the refusal of ASG to surround him with another veteran that commands double teams.
I’ve been watching the Hawks since Jason Terry’s rookie year well before JJ came from Phoenix. I remember when he first got here, he was much more athletic and had superstar talent and energy. If you look at him now, he can barely run or jump anymore and the lift on his jumpshot isn’t there like it used to be.
Look at him…he’s trotting up and down the court like a senior citizen. He has no legs under him right now. Not only that, he barely every gets any calls from the refs when he attacks the basket and this has been a problem for YEARS…i think after awhile he became frustrated so he doesn’t go as strong as he used to. Yall don’t understand that its the MULTIPLE roles he has to play while playing all those minutes. During the regular season he handles the ball at least 60% of the time, is basically our point guard AND shooting guard. He has to guard his man AND Bibby’s man since Bibby can’t even spell defense. JJ is therefore forced to chase these quick little guards on the defensive end and that wears you out so much on defense that you have little energy left to be aggresive on offense. Not to mention, he’s asked to be our number one scorer while having to do everything else for this team.
Also our offense forces him to have to expend a lot of energy to create his own shot by going on isolation since Woody REFUSES to run plays to get him easy baskets! Kobe, Lebron and Dwyane Wade don’t have to do ALL of what I just mentioned and have never had to. Look at their teams’ offenses and you’ll see what I mean, especially the triangle offense.
Not only that but during the regular season Woody managed his minutes terribly. Most games JJ would play the ENTIRE first quarter or at least 11 minutes in the first quarter alone! Other all stars get their rest early and come back fresh to close the quarter and ready for the 2nd quarter. You have to give your stars rest early if you want them to be productive later on. By halftime, JJ would have received only 4 minutes of rest…and that’s if Woody was being generous. Then most of the time, JJ would get very little rest in the 3rd quarter so by the time it was the 4th quarter in a a close game it was too late, especially since Woodson doesn’t let him rest late in the 3rd through early in the 4th quarter. This is how Phil Jackson rests Kobe. Anyway, my point is his body has been wasted thanks to Woodson and the ASG not doing enough to surround JJ with a quick, veteran point guard that can play defense
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:38 pm
Mark you are killing us……… where are we going to find a true leader ?
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:39 pm
Let make headlines by being the first NBA team to throw in the towel…..
HawkDawg
May 7th, 2009
9:39 pm
TIME TO REBUILD AGAIN. HOW FAR WILL THIS TEAM GO NEXT YEAR. PLEASE DON’T SAY WE WILL GET BETTER. WE ARE SOFT!!!!!!
Mark Bradley
May 7th, 2009
9:40 pm
I’ll go with LeBron over Mr. Dos. And Josh just got his shot blocked by Varejao and then got T’d up. Get the starters — well, what starters there are — out, I say.
Reid Adair
May 7th, 2009
9:40 pm
Once again … the officials miss a foul, and this time Josh Smith gets a technical.
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:40 pm
damn no respect at all
Mark Bradley
May 7th, 2009
9:40 pm
And that’s a fine lead, Cuz. You should be a writer.
Peter
May 7th, 2009
9:40 pm
We are getting better….BUT will this be the Plateau …is the real question……..
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:41 pm
98 dribbles
Mr C.
May 7th, 2009
9:41 pm
Mark, how about this for a headline: Game over at Half, Joe Johnson timid, Josh Smith in foul trouble, Horford and Marvin in Street clothes, Woodson scared. SOLOMON JONES to the rescue and gets schooled by LeBron. Any good movies coming out? What else is on TV?
Mark Bradley
May 7th, 2009
9:42 pm
LeBron dunks. About finding a leader: Do you think the Cavs would take Acie Law and Othello Hunter for LBJ? No? What if they threw in Marvin Williams?
D.Carter
May 7th, 2009
9:42 pm
is this game fixed…. we just let Lebron glide down the lane
preston
May 7th, 2009
9:42 pm
Mark…how about writing about the imaginary fight between you and that news guy in cleveland……did you see the fight this past weekend between Manny Pacquiao and Ricky Hatton? Maybe you can scare that guy and tell him that you knocked the pac-man out in the amaturers when you went were known as “Iron” Mark Bradley!