Archive for the ‘The Tuesday Countdown’ Category

I’ve moved — let me show you my new neighborhood…

Roddy White, Julio Jones and Matt Ryan are seeking a little redemption. (Curtis Compton/AJC)

Roddy White, Julio Jones and Matt Ryan hope to be doing this Sunday. (Curtis Compton/AJC)

Roddy White, Julio Jones and Matt Ryan are so excited because the the AJC has a new digital platform!

OK, not really. But we have moved. You can still find my old blogs on this site. But for the new ones, please go to ajc.com/weblogs/jeff-schultz.

Hopefully we can get through this transition period with a minimal number of hiccups. Also, please note that readers commenting on blogs now need to register first. Just go to my latest blog (about the Falcons) for all of the info.

Thanks for reading, Jeff

Continue reading I’ve moved — let me show you my new neighborhood… »

Countdown: Vandy’s she-QB, ESPN’s ‘power,’ creepy bobble

Here's Jerry and I walking out of Schwab's.

Here's Jerry and I walking out of Schwab's.

So I was a young bat with stars in my beady eyes, sitting at the soda counter next to Lana Turner (tramp) at Schwab’s Pharmacy on Sunset when this guy named Jerry approaches me and asks, “How much would a 12 percent tip be on cheeseburger and a plasma float?” And right away I responded, “$1.27.” Soon after, Jerry said he would help cast me in a new TV show, and there was even a chance I could become the show’s star because all I had to do was beat out a green frog who for some reason had a thing for a pig, and even in Hollywood, I’m thinking, “Really? A frog and a pig?” Alas, the unpredictable whims of  5-year-olds left me with a supporting role. But at least I’m here to say: It’s time to count down . . .

10. Goodbye to my mentor, my fingers

The Count has been overwhelmed (and somewhat amused) by the number of people who have sent “condolences” on email, Twitter and Facebook — I have yet to check messages via Ouija board — …

Continue reading Countdown: Vandy’s she-QB, ESPN’s ‘power,’ creepy bobble »

Countdown: Mizzou paranoia, Mora rant and Auburn (again)

School time means counting time!

School time means counting time!

The Count never liked back-to-school sales as a young winged mammal. Back-to-school sales meant going back to school. Also getting out of bed. Also going to Sears instead of the cool dudes store and, “No mom, I don’t think that shirt hanging by the deluxe set of 68 screwdrivers and drill bits is cute. Can we go now?” But now back-to-school stuff is great, because we get things like spies in sports bras at Missouri football practice, and Jim Mora trying to feign innocence at UCLA, and more potential problems at Auburn. Here we go again. We count down . . .

10. Is that just a clever disguise?

Gary Pinkel: "Ahh, but the strawberries. That's where I had them. They laughed at me but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic..."

Capt. Gary Pinkel Queeg: "Ahh, but the strawberries. That's where I had them. They laughed at me but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic… Hello?"

Lilly is hoping for some company.

Lilly is hoping for some company.

The paranoia of football coaches never ceases to amaze the Count. The Falcons, like every NFL team, doesn’t want media to report on certain things …

Continue reading Countdown: Mizzou paranoia, Mora rant and Auburn (again) »

Countdown: Tebow’s abs, SEC’s goof and an angry hooker

Core, core, core ....

The Count has been doing P90X, hours of core and drinking yak-liver-and-wheat-grass shakes. Can you tell?

Notice how the cape fits a little looser. The face is slightly thinner, and is a brighter shade of slurple. The fangs no longer drip with bacon grease.

It’s necessary for that mid-summer, buff-for-the-beach look, especially in an Olympic year. There are too many great physical specimens around the world on display right now in London, and maybe we’ll even get to see them one day on NBC’s national, tape-delay-delay-delay, oh-look-Nero-is-going-to-win-his-chariot heat broadcast.

It’s late July, which also means NFL teams are training camps and the buff Tim Tebow and 3,000 lesser football players are hard at work, glistening with sweat in the mid-day sun.

Yeah. I went there. We count down . . .

10. Oh, he’s a perfect 10 . .

OK. The Count tries to be judicious when it comes to Tim Tebow items, because, really, we have nothing against the young man. It’s not like he’s …

Continue reading Countdown: Tebow’s abs, SEC’s goof and an angry hooker »

Countdown: Comic relief, Olympic mudwrestling, UK urinal

Let me tell you about "Honest Abe."

Let me tell you about "Honest Abe."

There’s nothing like a good movie to escape reality once in a while. The Count loves to kick back with a trough of popcorn and a banana-and-plasma smoothie, then wait for the lights to dim in the theater and just hope it’s not a full moon outside because, well, you don’t want to know. Anyway, The Count walked into the wrong theater the other day. He thought he was about to see “Snow White And The Huntsman” because Charlize Theron kind of does something for him in a full length coat of evil (again, you don’t want to know).  But instead, he inadvertently walked into, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” and he has been catatonic ever since. Abe — yeah, yeah, president, freed the slaves, wore a hat, blahblahblah. Let me tell you: Abe wasn’t cool. He was obsessed withvampire obliterating The Count’s entire family, just because I dunked on him in high school. (Abe was tall but couldn’t jump. Think: Mel Counts. But The Count could flyyyyy! No really, I …

Continue reading Countdown: Comic relief, Olympic mudwrestling, UK urinal »

Countdown: Super ads, PETA’s wings, Saban’s job offer?

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Now on Stage 3, at the Super Bowl . . .

If this was Pledge of Allegiance, Janet would have right hand over her heart, not left hand over … you know.

Like most people in the regular and underworlds, The Count likes the Super Bowl, not for the game but for the food and the commercials, and that rare occasion when the the NFL halftime show morphs into a night at the “Club Hubba Hubba,” less for the split-second look at part of one of Janet Jackson’s breastacles (I saw it! I saw it!) but because it looked like somebody had just connected jumper cables to the toes of then-commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who said, “We were extremely disappointed by the MTV-produced halftime show. The show was offensive, inappropriate and embarrassing to us and our fans.” After which the league showed more commercials to help you get drunk and correct erectile dysfunction. (”Daddy, why did mommy laugh at the Viagra commercial?”) Any way, this is Super Bowl week, and that means more new commercials and hopefully nothing to surprising at …

Continue reading Countdown: Super ads, PETA’s wings, Saban’s job offer? »

Countdown: Blank scoreboards, Bear’s plot, lingerie football! (UPDATED)

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The Count knows about budget cutbacks.

The Count hates budget cutbacks.

(11:40 a.m. Updated below with comments from Bob Williams about plans for new scoreboards after the season.)

Hello. With football season about over, our resident mathematician and mocker, Count Von Count, has returned to this cyber-page for periodic appearances. (Periodic is defined as: “Are there enough items this week? Am I hungry? Is there something else to do? What’s on TV? Oh look, the couch.) Anyway, We’re trying to spiff up these page a little bit — note, the Chalkboard borrowed from Weekend Predictions, Inc. — but we’ve been given a limited budget. Everybody is cutting back. Employees. Payroll. Fat grams. The Count hates cutbacks. Mrs. Count keeps trying to get him to switch to low-cholesterol plasma, but, sorry, it just doesn’t taste the same. More cutbacks: The Count has been to a few Hawks games this season and noticed something: Several scoreboards at Philips Arena are turned off. Did somebody pull a plug? Did something break? Was …

Continue reading Countdown: Blank scoreboards, Bear’s plot, lingerie football! (UPDATED) »

Weekend Predictions: LSU over Georgia, and BCS ducks

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So let me see if I’ve got this straight.

If LSU beats Georgia, LSU and Alabama will play for the BCS title. Simple. Unless some anti-SEC sentiment leads voters to match LSU against Oklahoma State (and everyone suddenly gets amnesia about the Iowa State game).

But this doesn’t preclude the possibility that LSU may play Oklahoma State in the BCS game even if Georgia upsets LSU. Why? Because at least one SEC school will go, and Nick Saban getting snubbed is funnier, and if you dare put both LSU and Alabama in the BCS final when neither even won its conference, you’ll have red noses and exploding clown feet falling from the sky (thank you, Larry), and even the BCS has its limit when it comes to humiliation. I think.

So really, what Saturday’s SEC championship comes down to is this: Barring some complete, multi-touchdown, oh jeez, Curly-just-dropped-the-TNT-powder-in-the-pancake-batter-again-collapse by LSU against the Bulldogs in the Georgia Dome, the Tigers are really only …

Continue reading Weekend Predictions: LSU over Georgia, and BCS ducks »

Countdown: Tech stashes ACC trophy; Ohio State’s stiff ‘I’

A new logo, via Sesame Street (with pal Elmo).

A new logo, via Sesame Street (with pal Elmo).

Vampires can be accused of a lot of things. Cheating is not one of them. There was that one three-legged race during the family picnic of the Underworld Optimists Club when I bit Vinnie, but most while most people thought I was cheating to win the race, really, I was just thirsty. Where was I? Oh yeah. Cheaters. Hate ‘em. Really hate ‘em in college. Seems safe to conclude that Georgia Tech wasn’t really cheating, even through the NCAA chose to hit them upside the fangs with a 2-by-4. But barring some unforeseen victorious appeal, the Yellow Jackets will have to mail back their ACC championship trophy. Which reminds The Count. Where is that trophy right now? Hmmm. We count down . . .

10. Yes, I’m here to claim my coat and … whoa!

The trophy reads, "Football Champions 2009," but you have to find the closet to know that.

The trophy reads, "Football Champions 2009," but you have to find the right closet to know that.

You'll get this trophy when you pry it from Paul Johnson's cold dead hands.

You'll get this trophy when you pry it from Paul Johnson's cold dead hands.

So I went to Tech Monday to …

Continue reading Countdown: Tech stashes ACC trophy; Ohio State’s stiff ‘I’ »

Countdown: Bulls vs. idiots; Braves’ fans mocked in Philly

The Count was always lovable ...

The Count was always lovable …

Let’s state the obvious. The Count likes blood. There’s no denying this. There are no vampires in 12-step programs for plasma addictions. The crazy thing would be if a vampire was NOT addicted to plasma. It would be like if vultures were circling over a fallen cow and suddenly one of them turned to the others and said, “You know. I think I just want a nice piece of fish.”

But there is one thing that always has turned The Count’s stomach: “The Running of the Bulls.” What is it with these guys? What’s the Spanish word for knuckleheads, because they’re back again. And one of them doesn’t have any clothes on! We count down . . .

10. It’s that time again: The Running of the Idiots

The annual San Fermin Festival in Pamplona has begun. It includes 342 music shows, 137 family activities and 33 events involving bulls, also known as panic and gore. The running of the bulls started about 400 years ago. Ernest Hemingway thought it was really cool, …

Continue reading Countdown: Bulls vs. idiots; Braves’ fans mocked in Philly »