Predictions: Jackets, Dogs, Falcons and lust triangles

chalk

In a bizarre turn of affairs — which should not be confused with anything that might be going on in a broom closet at the Pentagon with a CIA director, his smokin’ but psychotic biographer, a general (not that general, the other general), a Florida socialite, Snooki, Ashley Dupre, Donna Rice, Camila Parker (Duchess of Cornwall), Kim Kardashian (Duchess of … never mind), the UnReal Housewives With UnReal Enhancements of Atlanta, Anne Boleyn, King Charles VII, Bacchus (Greek god of Debauchery), probably a few Kennedys, Marilyn (duh), Fabio, the Thomas Crown Affair, An Affair to Remember, Family Affair (never trusted Mr. French) Glenn Close and that poor bunny rabbit, and, sorry, there’s just no room in here for Tiger Woods — Georgia Tech may play in a BCS game.

Just planning the weddings. (Art work via says-it.com/churchsigns.)

I'm just a hopeless romantic. (Art work via says-it.com)

(If you need to take a breath, re-read, digest, grab a snack, that’s OK. I’ll wait here. Still waiting. OK…)

Back to Georgia Tech-Duke, which isn’t nearly as interesting as David Petraeus-Paula Broadwell and the world of Harlequin: The Jackets have blown leads, fired a defensive coordinator and lost to Middle Tennessee State this season. But if they beat Duke, they’ll finish 5-3 in the ACC, probably tie for first with Miami in their division and possibly go to the conference title game amid rumors that the Hurricanes are considering self-penalizing themselves to limit how big of a mallet the NCAA whacks them with.

It’s kind of one of those I’ll-believe-it-when-I-see-it things. But would you have believed a trashy spy novel coming to life?

For now, we’ll keep this simple: Tech wins and covers 13.

Final week update for Tech-UGA, bowl tickets!

FABER COLLEGE

(Where Knowledge is Good)

Stare at this for six hours. I dare you.

Stare at this for six hours. I dare you. (via Footballislifeblog)

Ga. Southern at Georgia: If Sid Gillman wasn’t dead, these next two games against Georgia Southern and Tech would kill him. Over/under on opponent forward passes is 6½. Over/under on Todd Grantham meltdowns for mistackles vs. the triple option: 103. Nonetheless: Let’s say Bulldogs by 21-plus.

Old Ms. at LSU: Les Miles said this week: “We still have a chance, an outside chance, of being the representative of the Western Division in the SEC title game.” He failed to mention there’s an equal chance of a meteor falling on his head, which, by the way, could happen if LSU loses to Ole Miss. Tigers cover 18½.

Arkansas at Mississippi State: John L. Smith said he is “optimistic” about his chances to keep the Arkansas coaching job. He’s 4-6, in bankruptcy and lost to Louisiana-Monroe. Dude, your next job is handing out happy face stickers at Walmart. Other Dogs cover 6½.

Trying to break the news to John L. Smith

Headache at B.C. (Powder): The Hokies also are 2-4 in the ACC, and the only wins have come over Tech (via a frantic late-game rally and turnover in overtime) and Duke. But on the stinkage scale, Boston College still rules. VaTech covers 10.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt: Derek Dooley made it through the week. Pay all bets. Last year Dooley stood up in the locker room after a win over Vanderbilt and declared: “The last thing that I’m going to remind you before we sing is that the one thing Tennessee always does is kick the [expletive] out of Vandy.” Think that might have come up in Nashville? Vandy covers 4.

UGA fans singing a new tune, post-South Carolina (love Keith Moon’s shirt)

PROS AND EX-CONS

Mike Tomlin's remedy for injuries.

Mike Tomlin's remedy for injuries.

Cardinals at Falcons: Not sure if the Falcons are going to be able to solve their running problems against Arizona, a pretty good defensive team. But the Cardinals’ offense looks like Larry Fitzgerald and 10 guys holding Swiss Army knives, except, you know, with the phillips screwdriver open. Don’t now how the Falcons are going to fill the hole left by Ray Edwards. Oh, wait — here’s an old piece of gum. Falcons cover 10.

Ravens at Steelers: Addressing Ben Roethlisberger injuries, Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin said, “Excuses are tools of the incompetent.” Literary note: It’s from a poem that actually dates back to the Farmer’s Almanac. On a related note, can any farmer play quarterback? Ravens win but take Steelers and 3½.

Jets at Rams: A bunch of New York Jets ripped Tim Tebow anonymously in a New York Daily News story, because that’s what spineless cowards do in a locker room. I’m starting to think the Jets’ problem is everybody BUT Tim Tebow. Rams cover 3½.

Bears at 49ers: “Bears vs. 49ers!” makes a much better network promo than “Jay Cutler vs. Alex Smith!” Smith has a concussion. Question: Which team benefits? Feeling frisky: Take the 5 — and the Bears in a straight upset.

Packers at Lions: Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson are like “Andy” and “Red” in Shawshank Redemption — too good guys who’ve been dropped into a prison yard. Speaking of felons: The last time these teams met, Ndamukong Suh stomped on the arm of a Green Bay lineman, confirming his head is two tacos short of a combination plate. Time to collect rocks: Packers cover 3½

Stafford and C.J. should escape to Zihuatanejo

TIME TO SETTLE UP

pokerdogsLast week: 5-6 straight up, 6-5 against the line.

So far, so awesome: 91-32 straight up, 72-50-1 against the line.

“Sack Schultz” update: The grand “local” prize of UGA-Tech tickets, Chick-fil-A Bowl tickets and one night at the Athens Hotel Indigo will be decided this week. There are 51 contestants within four picks of each other. The Hawaii trip will be decided after the conference championship games in three weeks.

Lilly Pick of the Week: Lilly wasn’t real big on picking between birds (it’s counter-intuitive for a retriever) but she finally made her cookie choice: Falcons over Cardinals.
IMG_0411

By Jeff Schultz

Previous episodes of Weekend Predictions linked here

Recent hits from the digital jukebox

Falcons’ flaws aren’t worse than any other NFL team

College hoop kings provide rare thrills for Atlanta

Falcons’ startling admission: Ray Edwards was a blunder

Will SEC get team to BCS championship (answer below) (with video)

Short takes: Murray, Georgia defense and angry Auburn fans

Georgia wins SEC East, and looks like threat to Alabama

Weekend Predictions: Election went blue but weekend will be all red

Richt is coaching through pain (because he fell off a swing … honest)

Falcons’ Dirk Koetter may be candidate at Kentucky

176 comments Add your comment

GT Dude

November 15th, 2012
2:22 pm

can it be First

NoGaGator

November 15th, 2012
2:32 pm

I saw what you did with all that but, ….

as far as Faber College, it’s Nowledge is Good…

And I had so much hope for you…

DouglasDawg

November 15th, 2012
2:34 pm

2ND ….. Dogs roll…prepare for the Tide! GATA

Joey

November 15th, 2012
2:35 pm

JS I can’t believe you left out the most fitting of sex scandals – well name-wise anyway.

Rep Weiner’s weiner scandal . . .

[...] News Sources wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt [...]

Jeff Schultz

November 15th, 2012
2:45 pm

Rodster

November 15th, 2012
2:45 pm

I think Duke will be Tech.

A church wouldn’t really put that on their sign, right?

[...] News Sources wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt [...]

GeoffDawg

November 15th, 2012
2:50 pm

The Zoolander center for coaches who don’t coach good.

DONNAN OF A NEW ERA

November 15th, 2012
2:59 pm

” his smokin’ but psychotic biographer”

You must have really low standards if you think she’s “smokin.”

Joey

November 15th, 2012
3:00 pm

Skeptic

November 15th, 2012
3:06 pm

Come on Jeff

You could have at least posted a pic of that Jill. She’s pretty easy to look at.

GIVE ME A BREAK

November 15th, 2012
3:10 pm

I like your take on the Jets and Tebow. He deserves better and will get it. Jackets will be coming in BDS ” HOT ” ( weapons engaged ) against Duke.

Country Boy

November 15th, 2012
3:26 pm

I never trusted Mr. reach either Jeffy boy

Country Boy

November 15th, 2012
3:26 pm

Mr. French….sry

Country Boy

November 15th, 2012
3:27 pm

LOL …..maybe there was a little reach around in Mr. French

Mora less Petrino

November 15th, 2012
3:34 pm

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And how many thought it was over for Tech? I’m not really a Tech fan, but I Like Paul Johnson and hope he does well. If the Jackets win the ACC East, that will be quite an accomplishment considering how bad they have been in some of their games.

Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.

November 15th, 2012
3:37 pm

Miss Beasley had a Nanny Cam in her…..

sidslid

November 15th, 2012
3:41 pm

One observation and one question:

Mr. French was never allowed to be alone with Buffy.

Has anyone ever seen Jeff Schultz and Mr. French at the same time?

Answer This

November 15th, 2012
3:43 pm

I will never go against Lilly again! Birds WIN!

LDawg

November 15th, 2012
3:48 pm

You are just one long running stream of consciousness aren’t you?

Coastal

November 15th, 2012
3:48 pm

GT plays FSU in ACC Championship.

1990_Champs_GT

November 15th, 2012
3:50 pm

Tech needs to lay down this week. This team and coach don’t deserve to go bowling, much less have an outside chance at BCS bowling.

Coaches should be fired by mid-season next year, so anything that will hasten that I’m a big fan of.

END THE PAUL JOHNSON ERROR!

dawggirl

November 15th, 2012
3:51 pm

My favorite part of this blog is definitely the Lilly picture. She’s just adorable. The rest was pretty funny though. Good job, Jeff. Especially on reaching all the way back to Family Affair.

sidslid

November 15th, 2012
3:55 pm

Unsubstantiated Hollywood rumor: Kiefer Sutherland was an Animal House Love Child

1990_Champs_GT

November 15th, 2012
3:59 pm

And I can’t wait to see the puppies wiped out by Bama. They’ve benefited from a down year in the SEC and still aren’t undefeated. Maybe if they could keep some of those “NFL-caliber” players out of orange jumpsuits for an entire season, they could be a true contender!

1 4 GT

November 15th, 2012
3:59 pm

Jeff, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Bill Stanfill

November 15th, 2012
4:00 pm

Georgia Tech is a BCS bowl this year?

My god.

Only in the ACC.

Bama

November 15th, 2012
4:01 pm

Georgia Southern? What a joke. Is that even a Division 1 school?

Bama

November 15th, 2012
4:03 pm

there are probably more dogs in jail than on the field for a game.

1990_Champs_GT

November 15th, 2012
4:04 pm

This just in: Paul Johnson suffers concussion… In 2009 when his head hit the ceiling of his career!

JSS

November 15th, 2012
4:07 pm

How the world outside of the usual suspects felt after the Gang Who Cannot Convert a 1 yard to go failed once again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=odA_EVwVycU

Bill Stanfill

November 15th, 2012
4:07 pm

And just who would GT play in the Orange Bowl this year?

Auburn?

And what would the pay-out to each team be–$19.95?

1990_Champs_GT

November 15th, 2012
4:07 pm

ACC=Sun Belt

Paul in NH

November 15th, 2012
4:09 pm

GT plays a Duke team coming off a break and EVERYONE knows that you shut GT down when that happens – just like UNC did last week. GT covers.
UGA plays read and react on D against GSU for a win – they show GT nothing – next week the UGA D is coming after them.
LSU, MSU, VT all cover. Vandy in a close one.

Dawgs Eat Tiger Meat

November 15th, 2012
4:09 pm

I love the dogs playing cards picture Jeff ! Agree on all except Niners beat Cutler- less Bears easily.

Skeptic

November 15th, 2012
4:10 pm

Country Boy

November 15th, 2012
3:27 pm
LOL …..maybe there was a little reach around in Mr. French

——————————————————–

Now, that right there is the Post Correction of the Year. LMAO!

A Country Boy Can Survive

joe

November 15th, 2012
4:11 pm

Dooley didn’t really make it through the week…he was told Monday he will be fired after the KY game. He’s a good man from a great family, but couldn’t get the wins he needed this year with the talent he had…that is bad coaching and bad coaches don’t last. Come on Chucky!!

dean

November 15th, 2012
4:11 pm

Hey Bama….look at the rushing yardage GA Southern put on your charmin team last year and get back to us.

Mora less Petrino….the GERMANS bombed Pearl Harbor? Lay the herb down bro.

1990_Champs_GT

November 15th, 2012
4:13 pm

My only hope is the Falcons and they’ve got to crush that Cards team this week.

BTW: When Ken Whisenhunt is fired at the end of the season, could/should the Jackets give him a call?

JSS

November 15th, 2012
4:14 pm

@ Jeff Schultz…
There is only “one” great love triangle, it is a Bizarre One and it includes New Order!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r91OO8D1Oys

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 15th, 2012
4:17 pm

Any truth to the rumor that Tech is offering a free bicycle pump to the first 1,000 through the gate Saturday?

Helps with the blow up doll dates…………………

Howard

November 15th, 2012
4:18 pm

Jeff…agree UGA will beat GSU by 20 or so, but I’m wagering GSU puts up at least 20 pts on the Dawgs and runs for over 300 yds—why? That’s what they did to Alabama in 2011 and had Nick Satan shaking his forked tail and lamenting how much he hated playing teams that run that option offense. GSU will give UGA a better game than Tech I’ll bet. And UGA had better remember the year Appalachian State upset Michigan in the Big House.

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 15th, 2012
4:18 pm

dean

November 15th, 2012
4:11 pm
Hey Bama….look at the rushing yardage GA Southern put on your charmin team last year and get back to us.

Mora less Petrino….the GERMANS bombed Pearl Harbor? Lay the herb down bro.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dude, it’s from the movie Animal House. A classic. Go watch it

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 15th, 2012
4:20 pm

The chick’s name is Paula “Broadwell”?

Is she a first cousin of Miss “Shagwell”???

Or one in the same????????

dean

November 15th, 2012
4:22 pm

Bulldogs with a long name…..

Animal House? Never seen it.

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 15th, 2012
4:23 pm

1978 movie
John Belushi
About a college fraternity in the 1950’s

You really should see it

Skeptic

November 15th, 2012
4:28 pm

A guy claims to have never seen Animal House nor heard of any of the popular lines in it? Either he lies or the end is near.

Bo in North Carolina

November 15th, 2012
4:28 pm

Dean, the GERMANS bombed Pearl Harbor? Go watch an uncut version of Animal House with John Belushi.

RiffRaff

November 15th, 2012
4:31 pm

“…confirming his head is two tacos short of a combination plate.” That was good, Jeff.