Predictions: Jackets, Dogs, Falcons and lust triangles

In a bizarre turn of affairs — which should not be confused with anything that might be going on in a broom closet at the Pentagon with a CIA director, his smokin’ but psychotic biographer, a general (not that general, the other general), a Florida socialite, Snooki, Ashley Dupre, Donna Rice, Camila Parker (Duchess of Cornwall), Kim Kardashian (Duchess of … never mind), the UnReal Housewives With UnReal Enhancements of Atlanta, Anne Boleyn, King Charles VII, Bacchus (Greek god of Debauchery), probably a few Kennedys, Marilyn (duh), Fabio, the Thomas Crown Affair, An Affair to Remember, Family Affair (never trusted Mr. French) Glenn Close and that poor bunny rabbit, and, sorry, there’s just no room in here for Tiger Woods — Georgia Tech may play in a BCS game.

I'm just a hopeless romantic. (Art work via says-it.com)

(If you need to take a breath, re-read, digest, grab a snack, that’s OK. I’ll wait here. Still waiting. OK…)

Back to Georgia Tech-Duke, which isn’t nearly as interesting as David Petraeus-Paula Broadwell and the world of Harlequin: The Jackets have blown leads, fired a defensive coordinator and lost to Middle Tennessee State this season. But if they beat Duke, they’ll finish 5-3 in the ACC, probably tie for first with Miami in their division and possibly go to the conference title game amid rumors that the Hurricanes are considering self-penalizing themselves to limit how big of a mallet the NCAA whacks them with.

It’s kind of one of those I’ll-believe-it-when-I-see-it things. But would you have believed a trashy spy novel coming to life?

For now, we’ll keep this simple: Tech wins and covers 13.

Final week update for Tech-UGA, bowl tickets!

FABER COLLEGE

(Where Knowledge is Good)

Stare at this for six hours. I dare you. (via Footballislifeblog)

Ga. Southern at Georgia: If Sid Gillman wasn’t dead, these next two games against Georgia Southern and Tech would kill him. Over/under on opponent forward passes is 6½. Over/under on Todd Grantham meltdowns for mistackles vs. the triple option: 103. Nonetheless: Let’s say Bulldogs by 21-plus.

Old Ms. at LSU: Les Miles said this week: “We still have a chance, an outside chance, of being the representative of the Western Division in the SEC title game.” He failed to mention there’s an equal chance of a meteor falling on his head, which, by the way, could happen if LSU loses to Ole Miss. Tigers cover 18½.

Arkansas at Mississippi State: John L. Smith said he is “optimistic” about his chances to keep the Arkansas coaching job. He’s 4-6, in bankruptcy and lost to Louisiana-Monroe. Dude, your next job is handing out happy face stickers at Walmart. Other Dogs cover 6½.

Trying to break the news to John L. Smith

Headache at B.C. (Powder): The Hokies also are 2-4 in the ACC, and the only wins have come over Tech (via a frantic late-game rally and turnover in overtime) and Duke. But on the stinkage scale, Boston College still rules. VaTech covers 10.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt: Derek Dooley made it through the week. Pay all bets. Last year Dooley stood up in the locker room after a win over Vanderbilt and declared: “The last thing that I’m going to remind you before we sing is that the one thing Tennessee always does is kick the [expletive] out of Vandy.” Think that might have come up in Nashville? Vandy covers 4.

UGA fans singing a new tune, post-South Carolina (love Keith Moon’s shirt)

PROS AND EX-CONS

Mike Tomlin's remedy for injuries.

Cardinals at Falcons: Not sure if the Falcons are going to be able to solve their running problems against Arizona, a pretty good defensive team. But the Cardinals’ offense looks like Larry Fitzgerald and 10 guys holding Swiss Army knives, except, you know, with the phillips screwdriver open. Don’t now how the Falcons are going to fill the hole left by Ray Edwards. Oh, wait — here’s an old piece of gum. Falcons cover 10.

Ravens at Steelers: Addressing Ben Roethlisberger injuries, Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin said, “Excuses are tools of the incompetent.” Literary note: It’s from a poem that actually dates back to the Farmer’s Almanac. On a related note, can any farmer play quarterback? Ravens win but take Steelers and 3½.

Jets at Rams: A bunch of New York Jets ripped Tim Tebow anonymously in a New York Daily News story, because that’s what spineless cowards do in a locker room. I’m starting to think the Jets’ problem is everybody BUT Tim Tebow. Rams cover 3½.

Bears at 49ers: “Bears vs. 49ers!” makes a much better network promo than “Jay Cutler vs. Alex Smith!” Smith has a concussion. Question: Which team benefits? Feeling frisky: Take the 5 — and the Bears in a straight upset.

Packers at Lions: Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson are like “Andy” and “Red” in Shawshank Redemption — too good guys who’ve been dropped into a prison yard. Speaking of felons: The last time these teams met, Ndamukong Suh stomped on the arm of a Green Bay lineman, confirming his head is two tacos short of a combination plate. Time to collect rocks: Packers cover 3½

Stafford and C.J. should escape to Zihuatanejo

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TIME TO SETTLE UP

Last week: 5-6 straight up, 6-5 against the line.

So far, so awesome: 91-32 straight up, 72-50-1 against the line.

“Sack Schultz” update: The grand “local” prize of UGA-Tech tickets, Chick-fil-A Bowl tickets and one night at the Athens Hotel Indigo will be decided this week. There are 51 contestants within four picks of each other. The Hawaii trip will be decided after the conference championship games in three weeks.

Lilly Pick of the Week: Lilly wasn’t real big on picking between birds (it’s counter-intuitive for a retriever) but she finally made her cookie choice: Falcons over Cardinals.

By Jeff Schultz

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Previous episodes of Weekend Predictions linked here

Recent hits from the digital jukebox

• Falcons’ flaws aren’t worse than any other NFL team

• College hoop kings provide rare thrills for Atlanta

• Falcons’ startling admission: Ray Edwards was a blunder

• Will SEC get team to BCS championship (answer below) (with video)

• Short takes: Murray, Georgia defense and angry Auburn fans

• Georgia wins SEC East, and looks like threat to Alabama

• Weekend Predictions: Election went blue but weekend will be all red

• Richt is coaching through pain (because he fell off a swing … honest)

• Falcons’ Dirk Koetter may be candidate at Kentucky